Day 10- Kanera: Crying

Hera didn't know what it was, but something wasn't right. Something was making noise and it wasn't Chopper; she had powered him off for the night.

Tentatively, Hera got out of her bed. She supposed it could be Kanan; if it was anything, or anyone, else, she'd be concerned. Just in case, she grabbed her small pistol as she left the room. Once out in the hall of the ship, the noise was a lot clearer, and definitely sounded like a person. Hopefully just Kanan.

She made her way to his room. The closer she got, the more she could distinguish the sound; and it sounded like crying.

Hera bit on her lip, wanting to help, but unsure what she would do if he was crying. But, she supposed what was important was that she did try to help.

She took a deep breath and opened the door.

Kanan was in his room, curled up on his bed, sure enough, crying. His body was shaking, and Hera could easily hear him sniffing in between sobs.

Hera cleared her throat, making her presence known to the young man. Startled, Kanan sat up and turned to face her, igniting his lightsaber as well.

Surprised, Hera took a step back, raising her hands in the air. Immediately, she regretted having brought her gun.

"It's just me, Kanan," Hera said softly.

The man relaxed, and closed his lightsaber. The weapon dropped to the floor with a clang; Hera's gun followed suit.

Hera rushed over to Kanan's side and sat beside him on the bed. Wrapping her arm around him, she pulled him into a hug. "It's alright," she whispered into his ear.

"I'm sorry for startling you," Kanan apologized with a sniff. "And I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"It's fine," Hera said with a shrug. "I'd hate to know that you'd been up all night crying when I could have helped." She paused. "That is, if I can help."

Kanan groaned and threw himself back into the bed. "I don't know if anyone can. I just...I was having bad dreams again. They were so real, it hurt! Hera, it hurt; it's still hurts...I don't know what to do." The last part was choked by a new flow of tears provoked by Kanan's opening up.

"Shhh...calm down," Hera whispered. "Take one thing at a time. Not all at once. Deep breath." Hera did as she had advised and Kanan followed suit. It was a start.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Hera asked.

Kanan curled up in the bed and sobs came again making his body shake. Hera reached over and began rubbing his back. "Shhh...come on, love. Talk to me."

"What's there to say?" Kanan choked through tears, his voice cracking. "What happened was a nightmare, and it haunts me as such. The images are vivid and real in my dreams, and the pain is as relentless now as it was then. I try to meditate to help, but it always returns. And what if using my powers like that draws attention to me somehow? Then how can meditation help?

"And almost every night I see what happened that day. Soldiers I trusted turning on me and my master. Shooting at us, gunning her down, trying to get me as I fled the scene.

"I see it, clear as when it happened, Hera. It won't leave me be. I try, but I can't be rid of it! And what if I could have done more? Was I coward? Should I have stayed? What if I could have saved her, and she would be with me now?

"And then, not only did I lose her and see it, but I felt as each Jedi in turn was shot down by their own men. Troops that had fought beside them for years; men they trusted and believed in, gunning them all down in a matter of minutes. We trusted these men with our lives and as quickly as we gave them our trust, they betrayed it.

"These scenes and thoughts torment me all the time, every night. There is no escape, and I feel so lost, Hera."

With his sudden outburst unexpected, for a few moments, Hera could only continue to rub the young man's back. It was hard to keep straight and in mind everything he had said. Regardless, he needed help, so she would help.

Hera took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that you've been having trouble with this. I know sometimes I have flashbacks to the war. Sometimes I have bad dreams about it; that does make it difficult to sleep. I understand that much.

"As for everything else you said," Hera sighed. "I'm not sure what to say. You are not a coward, Kanan; far from it. So don't think that. And really, I don't know if you staying to fight the clones would have done much good. Thousands of Jedi were killed that day, Jedi masters who had fought and trained for years. If they were taken down, you wouldn't have stood a chance.

"I know it must be hard for you, and the pain you can feel is unimaginable to me. But," Hera said with a deep breath. "I want you to know, that I will always be here for you. If you need to talk, I will listen. Always. Just, please, let me know. I don't mind."

Kanan sniffed. "Thank you. For listening. I realize that is probably the most you can do. And, for what it's worth, getting it all off my chest does make it..." he sighed. "Less intolerable."

Kanan sat up and looked Hera in the yes. He brushed his hand against her cheek and smiled. "I'm glad I have you."

"Of course," Hera smiled. She pulled Kanan in for a hug. "And I'll always be here with you."

"Promise?" Kanan whispered.

"Promise," Hera whispered back.