Welcome back to my fic, To Be Forever Faithful! Yay, I'm back! Enjoy my fic!

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or anything associated with Tolkien Enterprises.

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To Be Forever Faithful

By Ponytail Goddess

Chapter 31: Attempted Redemption

Silently, Rumil trudged through the dark woods towards the Northern border, having slowed down from his previous run now that he was close to his destination. The moon shined down through the silvery mellyrn trees and lit his path as he stepped over logs and around large patches of tangled brush, moving quietly towards where the wardens would be keeping watch at this time of night. Tonight, he was on a mission of high stakes.

A mission, he now realized, that should have been completed nearly seven fortnights ago.

Since the beginning of the entire misunderstanding, Rumil had known that Belegwen had been hurting. Once Haldir had left for the border, the two of them had spent a large amount of time together, most of which Rumil spent trying to get Belegwen to stop worrying about the situation at hand. From what Rumil had gathered, she and Haldir had become not only leadership partners, but also close friends over the past few months and she was very worried about losing both his friendship and her job because of what Haldir had assumed about them.

All along, he had known that this situation was putting a lot of extra stress and pain on Belegwen and so he had tried to be there for her as best he could, reassuring her that the moment Haldir came back, they would talk and get the issue sorted out. However, there was one problem with his plan...

Haldir never came back.

Up to date, he had served seven regular border patrol sessions back to back and had not given any indication of leaving the borders through his communication with Lord Celeborn. Both the lord and lady were worried about his well being, as it was not healthy for any of the wardens to serve that much time guarding the city without any sort of break to recuperate from the strenuous work. Had times been peaceful, perhaps it would have been dismissed, but with a growing amount of skirmishes at the border as times grew darker, it was becoming necessary for the wardens to come home and rest for a while.

On the other side of the situation, Rumil had patiently been waiting for Haldir to return. He spent his days teaching the class on long knives and working on his own advanced sword methods. His nights were often spent on his terrace with Belegwen, the two of them repeatedly reassuring one another that Haldir would listen to them and the situation would be resolved once he returned. The two of them had become trustworthy friends. That friendship was reason Rumil had started to notice the change that was taking place in his respected female marchwarden.

This last week, Belegwen had gotten considerably quieter than she normally was. However, the moment Rumil knew he needed to take action had just occurred earlier that night. He and Belegwen had been out on his terrace looking at the stars, as they had gotten into the habit of doing every night. It was just the two of them, both laying down with their heads supported by the other's shoulder—a very intimate way of being together as friends. Because the terrace was small, both pairs of their feet dangled off opposite corners of the terrace, but neither of them minded.

On a normal night, Belegwen was usually quite aloof and alarmed about the whole situation and Rumil would have to calm her down. However, earlier tonight she had been completely silent. They had laid there in an awkward silence for a long time, staring up at the stars, until Rumil had finally broken down and asked her if anything was wrong. All she could bring herself to do was whisper yes. Immediately, Rumil had sat up and looked at her, only to be shocked at what he was seeing.

Her natural beauty was utterly marred by large, black circles under her eyes, signifying the obvious lack of sleep that she had been experiencing. The natural shine her hair normally had was gone, leaving it more grey than silvery white. On top of all of this she looked pale, even for an elf.

"Oh dear Elbereth…" Rumil murmured as he stared down at her, his eyebrows raised up in a look of shock. "Have you been sleeping at all recently?" He questioned her softly.

She shook her head, closing her eyes to avoid making eye contact with him. "I cannot sleep; my worries weigh too heavily upon me. They are all I think about now. It is all I have left, you know—being a warden. It is all I have ever aspired to do: protect others so they stay safe, just as my father once did. I do not think I could bear it if that privilege was taken from me." She said, trailing off to a whisper in the end, her face scrunched up in an expression of indescribable pain.

"Surely that is not true," Rumil said softly, his hand gliding softly down her hair in an attempt to comfort her. "If worse came to worse, I am certain you could find something else to do."

Her eyes shot open and she bolted into an upright position angrily. "What would you have me be, a housewife?! I would never be satisfied with such a boring, loathsome job! I cannot even imagine myself cleaning a talan all day or cooking! What else would you have me be?! Should I pick up a needle and thread for the first time and be a seamstress, confined to a chair in a talan for all the days of my life?! No! There is nothing left for me here, not if I lose this!"

"You are being unreasonable Belegwen! You do not even know yet what Haldir's actions will be! It was a mistake! He cannot dismiss you for a misunderstanding!" Rumil found himself saying much more loudly than he had intended, irritated that she would no longer listen to reason.

Belegwen was silent for a few moments, but the look on her face said it all. She was deeply hurt because he did not understand her torment, shame, and despair. Flatly, she replied, "I have no purpose left." Then, she quietly walked out the door, her face unchanged.

Back in the present again, Rumil shook his head as he thought back on it. This had indeed carried on for far too long and it was time for him to take responsibility and get things straightened out with his brother. Fearing Haldir's wrath and anger, Rumil approached Haldir's watch talan in a somewhat cautious fashion and slowly started to climb up the ladder that a warden had thrown down to him.

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Lost in a nightmare, Haldir felt himself jerk back into the present by a hand grasping his shoulder. Sitting up instantaneously, he pulled out his dagger with deadly precision and held it to the throat of his attacker. However, after glancing at his wide-eyed victim, he immediately put it down and was unable to conceal the look of guilt that he felt for doing such a thing to his brother.

For a moment both brothers just stared at each other, leaf-shaped shadows passing over their golden heads as the mellyrn branches softly bobbed to a rhythm the wind created above them. The tension between them was a thick mass, a barrier that neither could overcome at the moment, both of them lost in its abyss. Finally, Haldir was able to escape it because of his guilt, finding his gaze shifting to the small dagger that now rested in his lap, wrapped in his hand possessively.

Feeling the need to say something to his own flesh and blood, Haldir caught his younger brother's eyes for a moment before whispering hoarsely, "I am sorry brother, that was not my intention. You snuck up on me this time."

"I was not being overly quiet Haldir," Rumil said a bit more firmly than necessary, anger washing over him as he analyzed the situation. "I have never been able to sneak up on you, brother. This only proves that you have been out here far longer than necessary."

Taking a closer look at Haldir, Rumil was not surprised to find the same symptoms that Belegwen had sported earlier: dark circles under his eyes as if he had not slept in a long while, faded golden tresses, and a pallid complexion. He sat with his legs crossed, slouched over so that most of his face was hidden in the shadows underneath his unbound hair.

Haldir never slouched. Never.

As worries for Haldir and Belegwen piled up in his head, Rumil quickly searched for the correct words to say to break the awkward silence that had settled between them. Unable to find them, as he had never been overly tactful with words, Rumil decided to take a very blunt approach. "Haldir, you do know that Belegwen and I are merely friends, do you not?" He asked softly, taking a seat on the far side of his brother's green bedroll.

Upon hearing that, Haldir let out a small snort of sarcastic laughter, then brought his hand up to his eyes and rubbed his tired face, shaking his head as he did so. "Merely a friend? Is that what you are going to call that now? It certainly looked like something much deeper than that to me."

"No Haldir, it is not what you think—please hear me out brother! I—" Rumil started, only to be cut off by an indignant Haldir who was growing angrier with every passing second.

"I know what I saw brother! Were you the one who talked her into conducting herself as such?! If so, you disgrace her! I bet you do not even love her, do you?! You sicken me brother! If ada and naneth were to see-"

However, Rumil had stopped listening to his brother because the blunt approach had not worked. He quickly tried to think up a new tactic to get his brother to come home. Thinking back to what his brother had just said, Rumil began to believe that he knew exactly what to say.

"-surely, surely it was not her who initiated such behaviors! I know better than that Rumil! It must have been you! You just cannot help yourself, can you?! Flirting with every single elleth that flitters your way-"

"Haldir." Rumil said softly, causing his brother to stop his angry rant upon hearing the new tone of voice that Rumil was using. "My brother, please hearken to me. I know you do not believe me, but please, you must come home anyhow."

"Why is that, Rumil?" Haldir spat, though with a somewhat calmer mannerism than before.

"You are hurting her Haldir."

Rumil watched as something within his brother softened. Yes, this tactic had some merit!

"Her?" Haldir questioned with a slight look of remorse on his face.

"Belegwen. Haldir, she is terribly worried back in Caras Galadhon because of this whole misunderstanding. She looks like she has not slept in days and is pale as a spirit! It is almost as if she is fading! Brother, even if you do not believe me, you must go talk to her and put an end to her suffering."

Looking at his brother, he could tell that Haldir was having some sort of mental argument within himself. The harsh look on his face had dissipated and he laid backwards, putting both of his arms under his head as he stared at the stars in silence.

Uncertain of what to do, Rumil continued to work on making progress. "She fears losing her job as a warden Haldir. Being a warden is the only thing that has ever made her feel fulfilled. She would never break the rules Haldir. Please, you must believe me."

Honestly, Rumil found himself quite surprised at Haldir's silent reactions. Originally, he had expected his brother to be highly rude and annoyed with him the entire time. However, at the mention of Belegwen's name, all of the anger seemed to pass from him, changing into quiet contemplation. Rumil found this new truth slightly hurtful—his brother had put the feelings of his second in command before those of his own blood! Haldir had not believed his side of the story, but would trust hers somehow? Furthermore, he did not seem to harbor any anger towards her or pin any blame upon her either! If Rumil did not know better, he would assume…

But no, that was surely not possible.

Shaking his head at his insane hypothesis, Rumil looked back at Haldir's tense figure, still sprawled out on the floor of the talan, studying the stars. "Brother?" Rumil finally questioned with a small tinge of sadness in his tone.

Quite suddenly, Haldir closed his eyes and quietly asked him a most unexpected question. "Do you love her?"

Immediately, Rumil's eyes snapped open and he stared intently at his brother. "Of course not! Have you not listened to any of the words that I have said to you tonight?! I am NOT in love-"

But Haldir was sitting up and grasping his shoulder a second later, interrupting Rumil's retort. "Brother, do not lie to me. If you truly love her and she loves you back… I... I will turn a blind eye to it." He said, whispering towards the end as he seemed to get a little choked up.

"Brother," Rumil said again, looking Haldir straight in the eye and grasping his shoulder firmly in return. "I do not love Belegwen and I daresay she does not love me. We are merely friends, no more. Come now brother, why do you assume such things? Please tell me."

"Never mind." Haldir said, pulling away and standing up slowly. After a few meager stretches, Haldir grabbed his bow, arrows, and sword and jumped off the platform and onto the ladder, using the edges to slide to the bottom rapidly.

"Where are you going?" Rumil called after him, racing to the edge of the talan to see his brother starting to walk towards Caras Galadhon.

"Home of course. Are you not coming?" He called back to Rumil, not bothering to turn around and see the surprised look on his Rumil's face.

"Haldir is reacting very strangely to this. Indeed, I have never seen him this way before." Rumil thought as he quickly climbed down the ladder and jogged to catch up to his brother. Though he had not drawn any conclusions yet, his mind was now filled to the brim with suspicions about his brother and Belegwen.

ooOoo

Amid the glow of silver mellyrn trees, a Belegwen hurriedly jabbed and stabbed at an invisible enemy. A half moon lit the edge of the practice field that bordered the forest, the precise spot where Belegwen had chosen to overexert herself on this particular night. Feeling as though her job was at stake, Belegwen found herself spending longer and longer on the practice field each night because she could not sleep with her troubles bothering her so. Having shed her top tunic moments ago, now gooseflesh adorned her cold arms that were desperately longing for a certain elf's warm caress. That certain elf had not returned to the city in over three months though.

"BAH!" Belegwen yelled at the thought, annoyed at herself for letting her mind wander to him for the umpteenth time that night. She let her anger take over her motions and lashed out with a crazy spinning slash that screamed of her desperation. Drunk with hatred for herself and for Haldir's actions, her movements quickly became less and less tactful. After a few minutes of unadulterated anger, she realized that she must look like a fool and carelessly dropped her sword to the ground, her body following the same motion a few seconds later and landing right beside it.

It was there she laid on her stomach seething, listening to her quickened breaths from her previous exertion. Both of her hands grabbed handfuls of the thick, lustrous grass that grew on the practice field and held on tightly, as if her grip on the earth was the only thing keeping her from drowning in her sorrow, no longer concealed by the shield of anger that she had previously held.

"Valar," she silently prayed, squeezing her eyes shut, too stricken with her mental misery to even glance at the stars as she spoke to them, "Please, please do not let Haldir cast me away from him. Please, I do not wish to lose my job. I do not wish to lose him. Please..."

She felt a single warm tear blaze a path down her cheek as she finished her desperate prayer, immediately wiping it away as she was accustomed to doing, though there were no wardens currently present to witness her momentary weakness. Too exhausted to move, Belegwen stayed still and watched the wind blow the shiny leaves of small weeds in the forest through the cracks of her unseemly dull hair that had escaped from her messy braids and laid limply in front of her face.

Belegwen did not know how much time had passed as she laid on the ground by Nimrodel. Eventually, she had started to doze off, lulled to sleep by a sweet floral scent that had been carried to her on the wind from one of Lothlorien's fine gardens. Finally, she felt herself come back to life when a gentle finger tapped her shoulder and a soft voice whispered, "Marchwarden?"

Sleepily, she turned her head to see which warden had dared to interrupt her momentary calm, only to find a loud, involuntary scream escaping her lips as she jumped up and away with a new found energy. Her adrenaline was suddenly pumping maddeningly as she continued to crawl away from her attacker.

"Erthalion!" She spat, discontinuing her crawling as she stared heatedly at his squatting figure. "What are you doing here?" She whispered in a dangerously low voice, still breathing heavily from her scare. Every muscle in her body was tensed up, ready to dodge any blows that might be coming her way.

However, her attacker did not seem too keen on doing any damage to her on this particular night, as no anger was visible on his face. In fact, there was a certain sadness about his face and demeanor tonight, a weakness that she had never seen in him before. He looked almost defeated.

"Marchwarden," he finally said again after an extended and tense silence. "I am sorry that it must be this way between us. I have merely come to apologize, if you will allow it." He said, looking at her after easing himself to the ground and into a comfortable sitting position.

Not being able to conjure up an answer, she watched as he shifted his feet under his buttocks and bowed his head down in shame. His shame did not look dramatized.

It was real.

Belegwen's mind went totally blank as she watched him fold his hands on his lap and shift them nervously. "Marchwarden, I know you must hate me, but I have felt the need to approach you with an apology for quite some time now. It has taken me a great deal of courage to come before you tonight. I am sorry that we must be alone for this, but none of the wardens will let me approach you during daylight hours." He said softly, finally looking up to see if she was paying attention to him. Immediately, she ripped her eyes away from his, unwilling to let him see the emotions that she could not hide as they passed across her face.

"I know that my apology probably does not mean much to you, nor do I expect you to believe me. I must say it, nonetheless. Truly, I am sorry for my actions. I do not know what provoked such violence to burst forth within me, but I apologize for the pain and suffering I have caused you. To act in violence was wrong and I am sorry... so very sorry." He stuttered out. She chanced a look at him upon hearing him sniffle, to find that he was staring at the ground, tears flowing freely down his face.

Belegwen did not know what to say to such a heart-felt apology. It felt wrong to cast it aside, yet she could not possibly accept it. Not yet, anyhow. Though the marks had almost completely faded from her neck and her voice's clarity had returned, still she felt mentally scarred. The incident still haunted her dreams during the times she actually managed to fall asleep, and so she constantly relived the helplessness and the pain she had experienced that day.

Then, there was also the sea...

Even just thinking the word brought a rush of emotions over her. She could still see the vision of mist covering the wavy, dark water. It had been an endless expanse of menacing black water that smelled salty and had looked so surprisingly inviting at the time.

Gasping as she shook her head a bit to clear the vivid image out of her mind, she stood up and recreated Haldir's sternest face as best she could before addressing him. "I will accept your apology, but I am not ready to forgive you yet," she said darkly, "For even though I know you do not remember the incident, I remember it all too well. You have no idea what sort of hurt and permanent damage you have caused me! Had it been some other elleth though, you... you would have been a murderer!" She hissed, stuttering over the harsh words coming out of her mouth.

Swallowing down her nervousness, she somehow found the strength to finish what she wanted to say. "Do not look to find mercy with me, for you will find none."

Yet still, he persisted. "Please, I was not looking for mercy, I was just-"

"Hey! HEY!" Someone screamed, startling both Erthalion and Belegwen. Both of their heads turned to the left in synchrony to see Heledhril running towards them as if all of the minions of Sauron were on his tail. The young warden was clad only in a pair of breeches and his straw-colored hair was unbraided and swirling around behind him as he ran towards them. As he came closer, Belegwen was surprised by the worried look that had drawn his face up tightly, along with a certain flame that sparked in his eyes—anger.

"YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY AWAY FROM HER!" He roared as he slowed down, glaring at the pitiful figure who was still sitting on the grass. A look of pure fear crossed Erthalion's face as Heledhril grabbed a handful of Erthalion's dark tresses and yanked his head up towards himself. "WHY HAVE YOU APPROACHED HER WHEN SHE IS ALONE!?" He yelled again, his brow furrowed with rage.

Too scared to answer, Erthalion merely trembled, doing everything in his power to avoid eye-contact with Heledhril while he was in such a mood. "Well?!" Heledhril hissed, giving his head a small shake to hurry his answer.

Upon hearing Erthalion moan, Belegwen could not take anymore of it. "Heledhril," she said, trying to keep her voice steady as she reached forward and lightly held his arm with both of her hands, "Heledhril, he was only trying to apologize. Please put him down, I cannot stand anymore violence." She said, suppressing a small shiver that went through her body as she mentally relived the moment that Erthalion's strong hand had clasped around her neck.

She could see that Heledhril had digested her words and in a matter of seconds, he allowed Erthalion to drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Still terribly cross, however, Heledhril dared to point his finger in Erthalion's cringing face. "Do not come near her again. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes." Erthalion whispered in a pained voice as he slowly got to his feet and started to walk away. Both of his hands were holding the top of his head in an attempt to curb his pain. Both Belegwen and Heledhril watched in silence as he faded into the distance.

When he disappeared completely, Belegwen let her hands slide down Heledhril's arm and back down to her sides, her head bowing down to hide her great relief from Heledhril. However, Heledhril mistook this look for disappointment in how he had handled the situation and immediately started trying to explain his actions.

"Marchwarden, I am sorry if I disturbed you. I did not mean to be so violent with him. I saw him with you and it scared me, and I am afraid that I lost control of myself." He said, his voice shaking with emotion as he fell to his knees.

Frowning at his despair, Belegwen sank to her knees as well and laid a hesitant hand on his muscular back as she tried to get a good look at his face. "Heledhril?" She questioned softly.

As he continued breathing heavily, he managed to push out a few words. "I just... I just keep dreaming about it. About him hurting you. It is like I cannot get away from the violence." He whispered slowly. As he turned his head to look at her, she could see tears freely rolling out of his eyes.

"He was my friend once."

Pain welled up within Belegwen as she heard this ultimate admission of suffering that Heledhril had kept within himself. Not hesitating for a moment, Belegwen wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly as he cried, her cheek resting against his bare back. Her own eyes scrunched up with distress as she thought of the heavy burden that had been placed upon this young and normally peaceful warden simply from having witnessed Erthalion's violence. "I am sorry." She murmured against his skin as she held him. "I am so sorry Heledhril. This was not supposed to be your burden to bear."

At last, the warden's tears ceased and she let him go, watching with a softened visage as he wiped his eyes with his arms. Rubbing his back a bit with one of her hands, she asked, "Heledhril, what are you doing out here so late anyway? …and so... disrobed?"

"I had just had one of those dreams and I could not sleep, so I thought I would go for a jog to ease my thoughts, but then I happened upon you." He said softly, looking up at her with kind eyes.

Belegwen let out a small chuckle at this. "I am assuming that your encounter tonight has not eased your thoughts any." She said as she stood up.

"No, indeed it has not." He said, following her example. He looked at Belegwen, then reached out and grasped her arm after a second. "Marchwarden Belegwen, please do not come out here by yourself during the nighttime hours anymore. It is not safe with him roaming around freely like this."

"Did Haldir tell you this?" She asked with an eyebrow up in suspicion.

"No, no. It was..." He said with a pause, then seemed to change his train of thought. "Just please, please do not do it. You are strong as a marchwarden, but you are not invincible. No one is. Do not give him the opportunity to use his violence against you. If you need to practice at night, just wake me up and I will come with you. I cannot seem to sleep peacefully right now anyhow."

"I shall consider it." Belegwen said with a small smile. "Now, how about a sword lesson to clear your head?" She asked, then in one swoop, grabbed up Nimrodel from the ground and spun it around in her hand, before resting the blade on top of her other hand. "I see you brought your sword, even though you forgot your tunic." She said with a small laugh.

"I fear I am too shaky to practice balancing tonight, Marchwarden." He replied, looking slightly crestfallen at having to refuse an opportunity to spar with an elf as renowned at the sword as her.

"Very well then. Instead, how about we practice the techniques from Advanced Swordplay?" She offered, smiling as he quickly got into a ready position.

That was all the answer Belegwen needed. She charged him and the two fought each other gracefully, their shadows dancing across the grass as they lost all track of time. Heledhril temporarily forgot his demons and Belegwen enjoyed a cleared head until she saw a figure staring at them from the equiptment shed. Quickly taking Heledhril to the ground so that she could get a better look at who it was, she gasped as she saw someone most unexpected.

"Haldir!"

ooOoo

Edited by P.G. on 05/27/20.

Hey, so how was it? Feel free to review and tell me all about it. I must apologize for being inactive all summer. I worked for nine weeks at a summer camp and then took a two week Entomology course (the study of insects…ick…). However, I cannot make any promises as to when I will next update, as I move back into college next Sunday… Updates should, however, be more frequent than every three months…hehe, my bad. I'll do better! A big thanks goes out to my readers who are still with me!

Have a great day!

-P.G.