Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or anything associated with Tolkien Enterprises.

ooOoo

To Be Forever Faithful

By: Ponytail Goddess

Chapter 32: Clinging to Hope

The half moon was not as bright as it had been at its peak and had started to head back down toward the tree line as the early morning progressed. However, in its final tendrils of silvery light, two wardens stood staring at each other with a silent tension between them. Without looking down at the heavily breathing figure below her, Belegwen spoke evenly to Heledhril, "You have done well tonight Heledhril, but I must debrief with Marchwarden Haldir now. Please excuse us."

Having left no room for argument in her tone, Heledhril, picked himself up off the ground and stood looking at her for a second with a worried look in his eyes before heading in the direction of warden's halls. Despite this, neither Haldir nor Belegwen moved from their spots, even after Heledhril disappeared into the distance.

Finally, after the uncomfortable silence had stretched on far too long, Haldir started walking towards Belegwen. He could tell that she was maintaining a countenance of indifference to the best of her ability, though a soft glint in her eyes spoke faintly of a sadness that Haldir was not sure he could fully comprehend. All he knew was that this needed to be sorted out and now.

Stopping a few paces in front of her, Haldir looked her over a bit more carefully and was surprised to find that Rumil had painted a rather accurate portrait of her with his words. Just as he had described, Haldir saw that she looked weary, particularly in the face. There was something wrong with her hair too; it did not glow as it once had, but appeared to be a pallid, lifeless grey.

Did he look like this too? Could they be... fading?

Haldir had seen this condition before, as it had happened to a few of his wardens. Either the warden and his wife would be separated for far too long or would part ways on foul terms and it would result in the symptoms of fading: wilted looks that resembled those of aged men as well as a slow deterioration of physical and emotional capabilities. When caught early, his wardens had been easily cured by making physical contact with their wives and verbally sorting out their differences.

However, the three wardens he had watched this happen to all had wives. Though Haldir knew he loved Belegwen with all of his heart, he was not certain if she would ever return his feelings—it certainly was not happening at the present. Right now, she was giving him such a cold stare that he thought his longing heart would surely freeze over and shatter from it.

How could this be? Rumil had thought it was simply because she was worried about losing her job, but Haldir did not think that could cause an elf to fade. Belegwen would be terribly upset by it, yes, but he sincerely doubted that it would take this much of a physical toll on her body.

No, they had done this to one another with their angry words. They had argued before he had left for the border and had not bothered to resolve their issues beforehand. He had assumed the worst about her when he had seen her sitting in bed with Rumil and had not had the courage to confront them about it. Now, they were wallowing in the aftermath of their mistakes.

"Come," he finally said as he looked at her sadly, "We need to talk."

She did not reply to him, but simply followed him as he walked through the lush grass towards the silvery tree line. Walking only a few feet into the forest, Haldir sat down, leaning up against a giant mallorn tree and patted the ground beside him, motioning for her to sit as well. Belegwen quickly complied, though she did not sit in the spot next to him that he had indicated, but rather a couple of paces away from him, leaning up against the same tree. When she sat, she pulled her legs in toward her body and wrapped her arms protectively around them both. Incredible melancholy was visible on her face as she looked out into the deserted practice field, not making any effort to meet his gaze.

"I suppose this is when you tell me I am no longer a warden." She said softly, not bothering to look at him, though he could not take his eyes off of her.

Downtrodden, he saw his exact emotions reflected upon her face. "No," he murmured softly, "I did not come here to talk about the wardens, but rather to talk about us."

Her soft blue eyes made contact with his after she heard that statement. "Us? Is there even an us, Haldir? I know what you thought when you saw me with your brother." She said wispily, trailing off towards the end.

"Yet he tells me it was not what it seemed, though I would prefer to hear it from you." He said to her gently, his eyes questioning her. "I will believe it when I hear it from you."

"You say that now, more than three months after the incident? The only reason you are even back is because Rumil brought you—do not deny it, as I know it to be true. Anyways, you say Rumil has already told you what happened. Why must you hear it from me?" She asked, now slightly annoyed.

"Belegwen-" He started.

"Oh, for pity's sake Haldir, there is nothing going on between me and Rumil! I was only in his room because we are friends and he wanted to talk to me, mainly because I was distraught over how you did not accept my decision about Erthalion!" She said, covering the upper right-hand side of her face with her hand in exasperation.

Haldir drew in a breath to reply, only to have Belegwen, who was becoming more and more upset with every second, beat him to it. "And Haldir, it was my decision to make!" She demanded with her voice going into a higher range as if she was going to cry. "It was not your decision; it was mine! It was the right one too, even if you are too stubborn to admit it!"

She looked as though she wanted to say more, but quickly buried her face in her legs and was silent for a long while. Haldir said nothing as he stared at her in shock. Was she crying over there? He suspected she was, but he did not know what to do about it. Silently, he watched her unmoving body, occasionally pulling stray golden hairs out of his own face that the wind placed there.

Finally, she pulled her head up and looked at the mossy ground between the two of them, unwilling to meet his concerned eyes. He saw that her eyes were tear-free and inwardly he frowned at this, as she was taking great lengths to avoid showing him this side of herself. Part of him wanted to tell her that it was okay to have moments of weakness at times—that he would not think any less of her if she cried, but he knew now was not the time. There were more pressing matters at hand.

"Haldir," she finally whispered, nearly breaking his heart with her tone of voice. He wanted to comfort her, but did not know if it was appropriate at the current moment. "You do not trust me and it hurts."

"I am sorry." He said gently, shutting his eyes as he mentally berated himself for being this way with her. He had never meant to come off this way, but it still kept happening and he had little control over it, as the feelings usually surfaced because he cared for her so deeply.

"Sorry is not enough." She said, laying her hand down into the soft moss that was growing on the ground between them. "Sorry will not make you trust me. Perhaps nothing will."

"Belegwen," he said, then stopped momentarily before finally saying in a nervous manner very much unlike him, "I do not know what to do to make this better, nor can I defend my actions. All I can say about my wrongdoings is that I have done them because I care for you." Feeling utterly defeated from having to admit something so personal, Haldir stood up and started to walk away from her.

He was immediately stopped by two soft hands that enclosed around the tips of his fingers with a clumsy grip.

"Haldir?" he heard her question, then after a quick pause, she whispered, "I missed you."

Without turning back to look at her, Haldir's eyes closed and his countenance clenched up in frustration. He had been planning on leaving at this point, as he had deemed the situation hopeless. Apparently, it was not. Though he wanted to, he now knew he could not leave, not after feeling that touch he had longed for and dreamed about for the past three months. There was power in her touch. Her fingers had filled him with a mysterious, almost supernatural shock that filled his body and smothered him with relief, as if a great burden had been removed from his heart.

Of course, this was far from being so, as neither of them could find a solution to their problems. Inwardly, he chuckled because it was true: he had started to fade because he loved her and because their disagreement had lasted so long and he had been far away from her.

Hesitantly, Haldir turned around to look at Belegwen as his heart desired. He saw his own pain reflected in her eyes, along with a mutual longing for something that they would never have. Nothing could be resolved, yet he was helplessly drawn to her, as if she was his weakness. For the life of him, he could not turn her away, not even if she did not love him.

Squeezing Belegwen's hand to reassure her, Haldir knelt down beside her. She quickly embraced him in a strangling hug, which he immediately returned with equal fervor, pulling her unceremoniously onto his lap to obtain the closest contact possible. One of his arms tightened around her waist while the other hand quickly ran up her neck and straight into her hair, his fingers penetrating the loose lower strands and clutching her head to his shoulder possessively. In silence, he relished the delicious feeling of the silky strands against his fingertips.

He gently nuzzled his cheek against the top of her head, burying his nose in her messy braids and deeply breathing in her scent as he had yearned to do for weeks on end. He could feel her heavy, uneven breaths close to his ear and feel the warm, tingly air that she emitted on his neck. She was stroking his shoulder and arm slowly, releasing a sigh of relief against him that he could both feel and hear.

Yearning for more than he felt she would give him, he simply resolved to hold her while clinging to his follies—the small, but incessant voices in his head that said that somehow, there was still hope for them.

ooOoo

Silently, Belegwen cherished the feeling of Haldir's strong hands holding her tightly against him and wished that it would never have to end. Her heart was pounding manically and her fingers trembling with the last remnants of the fear that she possessed.

She had been afraid he would leave.

Mentally, she chastised herself for the words that she had spoken to him in anger. Yes, she was still mad at him, perhaps even to the point of feeling livid, but at the same time, she could not just let him leave after she had waited so long to see him. Oh, how she had ached over his absence! She needed this moment and she needed his strong embrace.

She needed him, though she was loath to admit it at the moment.

Of course, all of these conflicting thoughts dueled amongst themselves in her head, leaving Belegwen in a rather unsatisfactory state of confusion. Obviously, he did not trust her and treated her as if she was a weak elleth who needed protection at times, rather than the commanding marchwarden that she truly was. However, he cared for her, which was something she could not seem to ignore, despite his abominable treatment of her.

After being held for a long time, Belegwen finally forced herself to pull away from his warm embrace and got up off of his lap, sitting down and leaning against the great mallorn again. Haldir followed her example and sat directly next to her in silence. "I missed you too." She heard him whisper as he took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers and giving her a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"Haldir," she started, looking towards the practice field and up at the stars that were starting to fade away from the sky as dawn drew near, "I do not understand it. No matter how much I loath some of the things you do, I cannot bear to see you walk away."

"Yet, I see no way to work this out." He replied softly, causing her to glance over at him. "Belegwen, I cannot stop worrying about your well-being just because you are a warden. I want to protect you even if you do not need it. That is one natural instinct I simply cannot control."

"I understand your point Haldir, but I do not think this will work out if you do not trust me to make the right decisions for myself. I am your second and you should be able to trust my judgement at times. Surely you would not have offered me this post had you not thought I was capable of making difficult decisions. I do not know how we can work together or be together if you will not allow me to do this." She said, looking away from him.

Both were somber and silent for a time, before Haldir whispered painfully, "Do you wish for us to part ways then?"

Upon hearing this, Belegwen shivered and gripped his hand tightly. She looked up and met his cold blue eyes. They were paired with a rather distraught expression that he had not bothered to hide from her. Weird emotions swirled around in Belegwen's stomach, making her feel as though she could be sick at any moment under the intensity of his burden-filled eyes.

"No," she said breathily, "No. Perhaps I am a fool for doing this, but I will give you one more chance."

His eyes stared down at her, now wide with shock. Their ferocity almost ripped her in two and caused her to look down at her legs. Emotionally drained, she leaned her shaking body up against his, gently clutching his muscular arm with both of her hands and setting her soft cheek upon the warm wool of his tunic.

"Thank you." She felt him whisper close to her ear. His arm then moved out of her grasp and hesitantly wrapped itself around her as they watched the sky start to ever so slowly lighten into a soft shade of purple that marked the beginning of the sunrise.

ooOoo

Haldir found himself smiling at the sweet elleth that was cuddled up against the side of his body. An immense tidal wave of relief had swept him away and made him feel as though he was on top of the world. Silently, he sent his thanks to the Valar for her forgiveness. The mere thought of her casting him off was simply unbearable and he was glad that it was, at least for now, out of the question.

"Do not think that you are totally forgiven. I am still mad at you." She mumbled tiredly, perhaps having caught a glimpse of his relief.

"Sssh," Haldir whispered as he carefully got up and maneuvered her stirring body into his arms. "You need to sleep. It looks like you have not done so in days."

"I have not." She murmured, leaning her head against his solid chest, too tired to think or argue about him picking her up. "I had too much on my mind… burdens."

"Let them go for now. Sleep, my beautiful warden." He coaxed her languidly as he stepped smoothly through the dewy grass of the practice field, reveling in the scent of her body and the occasional feel of her silky hair brushing against one of his hands.

Softly walking through the thin morning fog, Haldir hesitated when he reached the steps that would lead up to the warden's quarters. It was close to morning and he did not want to get caught holding his second so very intimately. However, knowing how little she had slept over the past months, he decided to take a chance and gracefully ascended the stairs as quickly as possible without jolting her out of reverie.

Surprisingly enough, he found himself at the door to her room without having seen a single warden awake or roaming the corridors. Haldir had been certain that he would run into trouble and had not wanted to lie and make up an explanation on the spot. Gently, he turned the cold knob attached to her door and quickly let himself in, shutting the door behind him.

Approaching her bed and using extra care, he set her down after grabbing away the wrinkled sheet that laid atop it and pulling it out of the way. Being as careful as he could not to wake her, Haldir silently unlaced her soft leather boots and pulled them from her limp, bare feet. Setting her second foot back down on the bed, Haldir took a few moments just to look at her for as long as he desired. He smiled at her sleeping form—she looked so calm and peaceful on her white satin sheets as the first deep pink rays of sunlight sprang forth over her balcony and hit her face, the light dancing on her still blue eyes as she slept on peacefully.

Ever so carefully, Haldir slid one of her arms closer to her body, watching her face for any signs of stirring, as his fingers touched the soft flesh of her arm. Finally, he undid the ties that held her messy braids together and gingerly brushed the pieces apart until they were completely separated from their weave.

A deep feeling of goodness encompassed Haldir and he bent down so close to her that the tips of his golden hair were lightly touching her neck. His hand went up to her cheek and he softly caressed it, taking in her beautiful features in the light glow of the morning sunrise. All of his doubts and his thoughts left his mind.

It was just him and her.

Bending down even lower, he breathed against her ear and then whispered almost inaudibly, "I love you." Kissing her ear lightly, Haldir stood back up, only to see her start to move. Surprised, he quickly stepped backwards away from the bed, his eyes wide with shock. He was not ready for her to hear that yet!

Most luckily for him, she seemed to have only desired to roll onto her side. Watching her like a hawk, he never saw her eyes come back into focus. Sighing with relief, he quickly exited the room before he had anymore close calls.

ooOoo

Already more than a little shaken up from admitting something so personal to Belegwen, even if she had slept through it, Haldir found that when he got into bed sleep was still not an option, even though he had not slept for days. With a grouchy look etched upon his face, Haldir threw off his sheets and quickly wrapped himself in his white satin robe before heading down the marble stairs to the bathhouse.

His soak in the gentle waters did not calm him though, as he could only think of Belegwen and the words which had mysteriously fallen right out of his mouth, as if they were natural. Well, of course they were natural, but he had wanted to save them for the perfect moment. He wanted to have the moment with her when he was certain she felt the same way. A moment when they could announce it to all of Caras Galadhon.

Basically, a moment that would not exist.

Now, as he tightened his sword belt around his waist and stared at himself in his mirror, he found himself truly wondering what he was going to do. What would they do? For pity's sake, when he was away from her he had started to fade! His love for her was strong and held a power that was great, perhaps so great that he could not fathom it.

This could not be ignored. Not anymore.

Down the spiraling staircase he trod as morning finally broke out in all of its glory, the sun caressing the horizon and painting the skies with brilliant streaks of marigold and crimson, mixed in utter perfection. Momentarily, Haldir had stopped to return a greeting from a warden who had been in the same vicinity as he, only to turn around and be transfixed by an elleth who was standing majestically in the sun, radiating with an unspeakable supremacy.

The Lady of Light.

Immediately, Haldir was on his knee in servitude with his head bent down, for above all else other than Eru Iluvatar and the Valar, he held her in the highest esteem. "My lady." He said softly in greeting.

"Come Haldir," She said, beckoning him with one fragile hand when he looked up. "There is much that we need to discuss."

Immediately on his feet, Haldir followed Lady Galadriel, trekking under flower-loaded trellises as they entered a nearby garden, thick and green. Deeper and deeper, they immersed themselves in the jungle of plants. The trees got thicker and the secluded path narrowed in the shaded area that was still blanketed with a thick, eerie mist. Haldir started to feel uneasy as they came upon a hidden stone stairway and started to descend into a small valley with a gentle waterfall. In fact, Haldir noted, the valley was so eerie that the only thing he could hear was the waterfall. The normal sounds of the forest had vanished.

By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, Haldir was almost certain he could hear his own silent footsteps and the beating of his heart. Naturally, this made him edgy and he fidgeted absently with one of his woolen sleeves as he strode after the lady, looking around at the shady scenery around him.

"Haldir." He heard in his mind and instantly stopped and faced forward to find himself standing in front of an ornately designed pedestal that held a large stone basin and pitcher. Little sparks of electricity tingled around him as he walked up three stairs to look inside of it, but it was empty. Looking up, Haldir stared into a stern face that almost had a bluish-grey tint to it in the darkened area.

"You did not come from the borders when I called for you. Now you have your work cut out for you, Marchwarden." Galadriel said, her face unmoving from its unforgiving, cold stare. Picking up the pitcher silently, she turned away from him and walked over to the small fall.

"The time has come for war, Haldir. Imladris' troops march to join us even as we speak. They are scheduled to arrive in five days, at which point our troops will join them and together, you shall march to Helm's Deep." Galadriel said, sending a shock through Haldir. Already they were to go to war?! He had originally thought he would have a few years to prepare his wardens, not a few mere months!

"What would you have me do, my lady?" He asked softly, thoughts racing through his mind like a stampede of horses.

"I would have you lead, Haldir." She said as she walked back towards him, carrying the pitcher which now contained water. "Glorfindel must stay at Imladris and attend to business with Lord Elrond, and so it has been requested that you command the conjoined contingent of soldiers. Will you accept this honor?" She asked, staring at him gravely.

Again, Haldir found himself down on his knee, bowing deeply with his fist upon his chest. "Yes, my lady. My allegiance is with you, as I swore it long ago. If this is what you require of me, then let it be so."

With a mysterious smile, the lady looked at Haldir as she raised her hand and poured the contents of the pitcher into the basin before him. There was a curious glint in her eyes that made Haldir forget all about the war and become slightly nervous, though he knew not why.

"Will you look into my mirror?" She whispered eerily.

Haldir cocked one of his eyebrows up at this suggestion. "It is not a normal mirror." He stated warily as he continued to be captivated by the glowing lady.

"Your instincts serve you well Haldir. If you look in my mirror, I cannot tell you what you will see. Many see their past and present. Some even see what awaits them beyond today." She said softly, then added, "Do not let me affect your decision, Haldir. Let your answer be of your own volition."

Curiously, Haldir looked at off-white basin and considered the request. There were certain things he did not wish to see. What if he and Belegwen showed up in the mirror? What would the lady say if she found out? Haldir bit his lip at this thought—still, inquisition seemed to be winning out, as he did desire to find out what the mirror would show him.

Before he even knew what he was doing, he found himself taking a tentative step forward and gazing into the clear, shiny liquid below him. At first, he saw nothing, only a reflection of himself staring back at him. Then, a moment after he had started to relax, small ripples appeared in the water going from one side to another, as though a small wind was blowing it.

He found this odd, as there was no wind blowing around them currently.

Slowly, a face started to materialize before him... a very familiar face. Haldir gulped down a nervous breath as he realized exactly who was looking at him. His jaw quivered slighted as the face watched him, moving only a little.

"M-my lady, I do not understand!" Haldir shuddered, moving his hand in front of his face to see it trembling in a way that it had not in a long while, then gasped as he saw the elf in the water examining his own hand as well, which seemed to be shaking a bit too.

Upon hearing no response from Galadriel, Haldir murmured more to himself than to her, "How can this be?" His eyes were uncertain, his hands gripping the sides of the basin tightly as he leaned closer to the elf who mimicked his every move with disturbing precision.

Somehow, he managed to pry one of his steely hands off the side of the basin and shakily brought it through his dangling golden hair again so that it was in front of his face. "This cannot be real." He whispered, a cold sweat breaking out on his face as he lowered his hand down to try and touch the being that was seemingly reaching up out of the water towards him. "It cannot-"

An intense shock ran through Haldir's body as he touched the water and he fell backwards with a push and down the stairs very ungracefully, gasping for air and shivering uncontrollably. Pulling himself quickly onto his hands and knees, Haldir looked at the fingers that had made contact with the water.

They were burnt.

Looking cautiously upward to the basin, Haldir cringed as he saw it smoking dangerously. Galadriel gazed down at him with a clearly disturbed look on her face. After a second of silence, the lady finally said in a somewhat stunned voice, "Never in all of my years has one been shown something like that. I do not know yet what it means. When I do, I will let you know." She said softly, then turned around and slowly left him by himself in that Valar-forsaken place.

Haldir looked down at the ground again, feeling an unusual churning in his stomach. When he had first peered into the mirror, it had never occurred to him that he would see Orophin.

ooOoo

Edited by P.G. on 05/28/20.

Well, what did you think? Does the mirror part seem rushed to you? I don't know, maybe I'm just being hard on myself again… Anyways, I hope you have a wonderful day! Thanks for reading!

-P.G.