Welcome back to TBFF! I'm glad you are here to read my story and I hope you continue to enjoy it as we start to work our way up to its climax. A special thanks goes out to Arwan and hrtiu for their reviews and kind comments. Please enjoy my latest installment!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
ooOoo
To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 38: The Sacrifice
There wasn't enough time; everything was happening quickly. Belegwen found she did not know what to do as she pushed through the thick foliage to follow Eregdol and his witnesses out of the forest. Inwardly, she was panicking because she had caused this. She had no idea what was about to happen and could not help but assume the worst.
Belegwen feared she was about to lose the one thing that gave her purpose during her immortal life: being a warden. It was the only thing she had ever truly aspired to in life. Without it, she would have no path or purpose. She would have nothing.
She would be nothing.
One moment of weakness was all it had taken to throw away 3,000 years of service to fair Lothlorien. All Belegwen had wanted to do was comfort Haldir and get him back into the mindset of leadership, but she had let her guard down and it had been a terrible mistake. Now she had unknowingly condemned Haldir to an undesirable fate as well. The guilt and remorse she felt because of this was nearly unbearable.
Suddenly, a whisper was heard in the back of her mind. "Belegwen."
No one around her was looking at her or speaking to her though. Belegwen shook her head as she tried to concentrate on her footing. This particular forest was not easily trodden through and she had to watch her steps carefully, lest she trip and fall into the overgrowth.
"Belegwen, can you hear me?" The voice asked, a little louder this time. Belegwen was unfortunately no stranger to hearing strange voices in her head at this point, as she had been privy to the Lady Galadriel's callings and of course, the mysterious male voice she had heard in her head while in Caras Galadhon. However, this voice was neither of those. This voice almost sounded like…
Belegwen's head turned to see Haldir staring at her as he pushed a few low hanging branches out of the way so he could pass underneath a young tree. He looked at her questioningly and Belegwen immediately knew who was speaking to her.
"Haldir, how is this possible?" She tried to ask within her mind, wondering whether or not he would hear her question.
"I suspected this might work because of how the bond has been growing. If we can hear the other's thoughts and see the other's dreams, it seemed possible that we might have the ability to speak with one another too. In fact, if you concentrate, you will be able to see me in your mind as I see you." He said rather cryptically.
Belegwen was uncertain of what Haldir meant when he said 'see me in your mind as I see you.' Stopping to close her eyes for a moment, Belegwen concentrated on him alone with a deep focus. Low and behold, a picture of him standing with his strong arms crossed appeared in front of her within the darkness of her mind's eye. She stood in front of him within her own mind, her body language strong and prideful, despite the uncertainty she felt within. They looked at one another in silence and nothing audible passed between them other than their soft breaths for a long time.
The experience was very similar to when Belegwen had seen Haldir's dream the previous night. How odd it was to be aware of two realities at once, both the one where she was physically pushing through the forest greenery, as well as the one where she and Haldir stared at each other within the safety of their connected minds. His inscrutable eyes were acutely digging into her and analyzing her during their shared silence. Belegwen quickly felt more and more exposed in front of his gaze. How very small she felt now that she had ruined their status as marchwardens.
Suddenly, she looked away from his gaze and stared at the ground in shame. "Haldir, I… I do not know what to say. I am so very sorry."
Immediately, his arms were around her and their armor clanked together loudly as he held her tightly against his body. Even though it was only in her mind, his comforting grip felt surprisingly real and Belegwen had to exercise every last bit of self-control she had to resist crying in front of him right then and there. One of his hands stroked the back of her hair gently while the other held her firmly in place against his body, as if he had no intention of ever letting her go.
"It was an accident, Belegwen. Neither of us realized they were there until it was too late. Do not fret; we will deal with this together." He whispered reassuringly in her ear. "I will tell the council the truth of what is shared between us. I am a member of the council too, so they will most assuredly hear me out. Surely they will understand or at least allow us to continue on until the lord and lady can make a sound judgment call on the issue."
"I am not so sure of this," Belegwen whispered, her lips dragging slightly against the cool metal of his breastplate as she spoke. "Eregdol has long held the opinion that I should not be allowed to be a warden. I fear this is his way of trying to eject me from my position."
Belegwen had long ignored Eregdol and his off-putting comments towards her. He had argued against her position with a bunch of other elves when she had passed the warden's exams and when she was about to be instated as a warden for the first time. Her placement had been very controversial back then, as there had never been a warden who was an elleth before in Lothlorien, but Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel had spoken up on her behalf, which had solidified her initial position with the wardens.
Still, Eregdol had always been negative towards her, despising her for being different and constantly watching her, hoping she would mess something up so he would have a reason to try and get her discharged from her warden status. He had not been the only one either. There had been many elves, some not even wardens themselves, who were watching her for millennia and hoping to witness her make a mistake such as this.
In the past, Belegwen had always been terribly aware of this and had always thought over her actions carefully before doing anything. However, these last few months had led her into a lax way of thinking, as it had appeared that many of the wardens trusted her now. She had grown comfortable, but in the one moment where she had dared to step a toe out of line, Eregdol had been there waiting for her like a wolf in sheep's clothes. Now he had the ammunition he needed to get his way.
He could truly take away her livelihood now. Belegwen shuddered at the thought.
"Do not worry about Eregdol. Though he is often unreasonable, I doubt the others will react in a similar fashion." Haldir replied, though his voice did not seem to be as confident as his words implied. This did not console Belegwen in the slightest, as she had no idea who was on the council, having never paid much attention to such things while she was in the city.
"Who else from the council is present with us now?" Belegwen asked, wondering if there were others she could count on to help defend her or ones she needed to be wary of. Perhaps there were still many wardens who wanted her out.
What if there was no one she could count on after all?
"Bragolith, Eregdol, and myself are the three warden representatives. Valtaur, one of the blacksmith representatives, is also a warden and is presently with us. There is also Linedhel representing the healers and Esgalamon representing service, of course." Haldir answered after thinking for a moment, all while taking a step back from her in his mind's eye to look over her expressions carefully as he spoke with her.
"Bragolith can be counted on to take sides with me. I am uncertain of everyone else's position on this matter though. I will do what I can to convince them that our plight is not hurting anyone or preventing either of us from leading well." He said to her calmly.
Belegwen knew that Bragolith had grown up with Haldir, as she had heard him regale small groups of wardens with stories from their youth during dull nights on the borders when all was calm. The two wardens were friends of old and were often of a likened mind on a variety of issues and strategies. It felt a little good to know there was at least one elf who could be counted on to defend them, but Belegwen feared what the others would say.
"Haldir, what if they do not listen? What if they disgrace us both? What will happen to the soldiers then?" Belegwen asked, looking into his eyes and feeling rather helpless under his intense stare.
Belegwen could not help but wonder what would happen if the council found them both guilty of breaking the warden's code. It could mean a dishonorable discharge for them both, which in turn would leave the soldiers without any leaders.
That would never do, not with so many lives at stake. The skill of a leader would either make or break an entire military brigade. Haldir had thousands of years of experience with such things and was the only ideal choice for leading the soldiers at this point. No one else present in the group shared his skill set. The soldiers needed him as a means of survival and, in this instance, no one else would do.
"I do not know Belegwen." Haldir replied, looking down with anxiety painted on his face. He took her hands in his own and squeezed them tightly. "We can only do our best to try and prevent that from happening with the arguments we make."
Something had to be done though to prevent them both from being discharged. What could be done to stop it though? Most of the council representatives could not be counted on to take Haldir's side and if he told them about their relationship, as he said he would, they would both be condemned.
Was there not a way to have just one of them take the blame? After all, it had been Belegwen who had caused this mess in the first place with her moment of weakness. She deserved the punishment because she had caused them to get caught. Perhaps she could take the blame herself and at least save Haldir's position. This, in turn, would save the soldiers as well. They needed him, not Belegwen, to lead the group expertly.
Belegwen knew what she must do. A lie would do precisely what she needed in this instance. Indeed, she would save Haldir's honor in the only way she knew how.
ooOoo
Haldir watched as the five present council members gathered behind the medical cart, thankfully away from many of the soldiers' prying eyes. Still, Haldir knew they must have suspected something was happening, as the Eldarin army had not started their march at the usual time this morning.
Tendrils of bright sunlight were now flaring up over the plains and shining on the assembly of city council members that Eregdol had quickly gathered. The elves were whispering amongst themselves, many wearing looks of confusion, wondering why they had been called together during this trip.
The city council in Caras Galadhon was comprised of three elves from every line of work within the city. For millennia, they had met and discussed city plans, laws, judgments, and helped make other various decisions alongside the lord and lady. While the lord and lady had the final say in everything, the council gave the elves of the city a say in what happened around them and the lord and lady valued their opinions.
The first in line was Linedhel, a tall and very slim, silver-haired elf who had previously been a warden before he had taken up the study of healing. He was a very serious elf who worked hard in all he did. He had been a decent enough warden in his day, but those days were long over for the elf and he was now considered to be one of the best healers in Caras Galadhon. Haldir was very pleased that he had agreed to come along on the journey, as a healer's hand would certainly be a benefit after the battle they were about to face.
Second was Bragolith, one of his own close friends. Bragolith was silver-haired also, but was shorter than Linedhel. He had a mighty presence about him though, much like the great warriors Haldir had grown up admiring alongside him. Haldir had been close friends with Bragolith during their shared youth. While neither elf had much time to spend in one another's company, he knew Bragolith would have his best intentions in mind.
Valtaur stood next to Bragolith and was by far the largest elf of the group. He had golden hair and large, muscular arms that spoke of his numerous years of wielding a hammer to shape steel. Valtaur was a blacksmith who forged swords for the Galadhrim, but was also a warden himself and often came to the borders to fill in for those who had been called back to the city unexpectedly.
To the left of the group was Esgalamon from service, a slightly shorter elf with white-blonde hair. He was the only one amongst the group of soldiers who had not been trained as a warden at some point in his life and looked especially lithe when surrounded by the strong, capable soldiers. Esgalamon's normally cheerful and friendly face seemed to be filled with tension at this emergency convening. He did not look like his usual self today.
The farthest over was Eregdol, still standing side by side with his two witnesses. Eregdol had slightly darker blonde hair than all of the other elves present and wore a face of determination as he stared at Belegwen with disdain. It was obvious what he was trying to do, as Haldir imagined most of the soldiers would have turned a blind eye to something as harmless as a kiss.
Eregdol had been both a great ally to Haldir during the council meetings, as well as a terrible thorn in his side. Eregdol fought hard for the things he believed in, which made him rather helpful when they worked together, but also an inconvenience when they did not see eye to eye. Haldir had gone head to head with him several times during council meetings and knew that he did not give up on what he wanted very easily.
"Eregdol, we are now late for our daily marches. Please tell us why we have been brought here so we can move on with our day." Valtaur said impatiently, clearly upset that the morning had not progressed in its usual way.
Eregdol cleared his throat a bit before beginning to speak. "The warden's code has been broken this morning by Haldir and Belegwen, our two marchwardens, both of whom should be upholding the code to set a proper example for all others. A breach of this nature is highly inappropriate and must be addressed and dealt with immediately." Eregdol said, looking from the council members to Belegwen and Haldir with annoyance. "Linros, tell the council what we witnessed in the woods this morning."
Linros, a relatively young member of the wardens, appeared nervous when all the eyes of the council turned to him for an explanation. "I… I saw Marchwarden Belegwen kissing Marchwarden Haldir in the woods when we returned from relieving ourselves before the morning marches. It… uh… was not a chaste kiss, but one meant for a uhm… a lover. She then told him he was the only elf for her before the two of them saw us." He said unevenly, blushing profusely as he stared at the ground, visibly uncomfortable with what was taking place.
"The warden's code states no relationships or dalliances are to occur between wardens of the opposite gender. This rule was created by Lord Celeborn himself when Belegwen was instated as a warden to prevent this sort of thing from happening between ellyn and ellyth wardens. The rule has been broken though, as there was clearly a dalliance in the forest between the two marchwardens. " Eregdol said, looking smugly at Belegwen, who did not so much as twitch in response to the accusation.
Haldir wished he could wipe the smirk right off Eregdol's determined face. He could feel Belegwen's spirit sinking through their bond and could even feel her heart starting to race as the truth came out. More than anything, Haldir wished he could save her from the mental embarrassment she was drowning in now.
"Is this true, Haldir?" Bragolith asked as his eyebrows rose up, a look of mild astonishment passing over his face.
"Indeed, it is. Kirnen saw it too, did you not?" Eregdol interrupted loudly as he indicated for his second witness to speak. Kirnen said nothing, but was quick to nod, much to Eregdol's satisfaction. "I saw it too and it was just as Linros stated. This blatant disregard for the code is inappropriate, especially coming from our marchwardens."
"Have you really called us all together because of a kiss in the forest?" Valtaur asked, glaring at Eregdol. He appeared to be rather irritated at this discovery. "Can this matter not wait until after our battle? We are wasting time right now that would be better spent on the road to our destination-"
"I want to hear this out," Esgalamon interupted with a strong voice, "If our marchwardens are too distracted with each other to work together effectively, I think we all need to know about it and fix the problem before we arrive at Helm's Deep."
"You are right Esgalamon, we cannot risk being compromised!" Chimed in Eregdol, all too happy to be given a different argument about why the kiss should not have occurred. "Relationships of a romantic nature are a huge distraction and we should not have leaders who are going to be distracted on the battlefield."
"Eregdol, I would like to hear from Haldir now." Bragolith interjected firmly, appearing to be slightly displeased that he had been interrupted earlier. Haldir could tell Bragolith was trying to piece together the real truth of the situation. "Do these young wardens speak truly, Haldir?"
"The story they are telling from the forest is accurate, yes." Haldir replied with a level voice. "We are not compromised in any way though. Belegwen and I are able to work well with one another. There will not be a problem at Helm's Deep."
"You chose her as the second in command because you desire her! I knew it!" Eregdol shouted, drawing a rather large assumption from the little information he had offered Bragolith.
Because no moderators were present, a loud argument quickly broke out between the council members, several of them raising their voices and trying to make themselves heard overtop of one another. The only one who was not saying anything was the healer Linedhel, who stood quietly off to the side, listening to their squabbling with a horrified look on his face.
"You think so little of me that you would accuse me of choosing someone for personal gain, rather than merit! I would never do that!" Haldir hissed at Eregdol, swiftly losing control of his well-checked anger. "Lady Galadriel chose Belegwen as second, not I!"
"I think we all need to calm down; this is getting out of hand!" Bragolith shouted, trying to physically separate Haldir and Eregdol, who looked as if they could start brawling at any minute.
No one calmed down though and the arguments continued to escalate.
"DARO!" Screamed an unexpected voice, which rang out above all the others. Haldir turned and saw Belegwen seething with anger. All the other council members turned to face her as well, shocked at this demonstration of emotions from the elleth who always kept them tucked away.
"It is my fault." She said, breathing heavily with emotion. "It was I who kissed Haldir and broke the code. I accept the full blame."
"Merciful shores, no!" Haldir thought to himself as he realized what Belegwen was about to do. She did not need to take the blame alone! Immediately, Haldir tried to talk her out of it. "Belegwen, do not-"
"I appreciate that you want to protect my status as marchwarden Haldir, but it is unnecessary. It was I who approached Haldir with an eagerness to be with him. He has been nothing but honorable towards me though. Do not punish him for my actions. As I said before, I accept the full blame." She stated confidently, meeting the eyes of several of the council members.
Haldir stared at her, perplexed by this turn of events. Belegwen would not meet his eyes though and he was uncertain of what to do. He had planned to share the blame with her, but to do so now would paint her as a liar before the council members. She had just said that he had shown no impropriety towards her to every member of the council. Surely revealing that she had lied would only make things worse, right? Lying in front of the council was also a crime and Haldir did not want Belegwen to get into additional trouble.
Why had she done this though? Why would she not allow him to help her? Why would she not face this with him together, as they had planned less than an hour ago?
"I do not think this decision should be made today. Let us put this trial on hold until the lord and lady can deal with it fairly within the city." Linedhel said softly, speaking up for the first time today.
Eregdol started, "She admits her guilt though-"
"It is only because we are shouting at each other Eregdol. Linedhel is right, this must be left up to the lord and lady." Bragolith said quietly, lowering his eyes in shame over the complete loss of control that had just occurred between the council members.
"If she has to wait for a trial though, she will not be able to lead in the battle." Esgalamon said thoughtfully. "The rule still stands that until a warden has been proven innocent of a crime, they cannot resume their work."
"Who will be second if Belegwen cannot work?" Valtaur asked.
"An exception must be made. No one else is prepared to take up her job!" Haldir argued fiercly, filled with anger over this new revelation. "What will happen to us if I fall and there is no second? She must continue on—it is her job and no one else will be ready to do this in time for the battle!"
"I think it would be better if she stepped down until the trial Haldir." Esgalamon said, folding his arms in front of him. "She is clearly a distraction to you and we need you to be at your best to lead the soldiers well."
"Yes," Eregdol said, agreeing instantaneously with Esgalamon. Haldir rolled his eyes; this had been precisely what he wanted to achieve with the council meeting this morning. "She made the mistake and now must face the consequence of waiting for the trial. This is what is best for the soldiers."
Haldir's heart skipped a couple of beats as he saw Valtaur nod his head in agreement. Three of the five council members wanted Belegwen to step down until the trial, which would be months from now. From deep within their bond, Haldir felt Belegwen breaking apart from within, though she showed no signs of distress on her face. She was a soldier first, guarding her emotions with an iron-like vice, the same way Haldir did for himself.
"Does anyone else have any input into the ruling?" Eregdol asked, looking from member to member of the council.
"I object! Belegwen is needed in the battle!" Haldir called out once again, frustrated that his voice seemed to be falling on deaf ears.
"You do not get a vote today, as your misdeeds are the subject of this trial." Eregdol reminded him, visibly enjoying having something to hold over Haldir's head for a change. "From what I understand, the vote is three to two, with the majority in favor of Belegwen waiting for a trial within the city and surrendering her status as marchwarden until that day."
"I object! We will need a second for the battle and Haldir is right; no one can be trained and ready to handle a job like that by the time we arrive at Helm's Deep." Bragolith quickly said with concern laced into his voice. "I too think we should let Belegwen fight at Helm's Deep before the trial."
"He can choose another second for the time being. Haldir will not fall anyway, so it is unnecessary." Valtaur said with a voice full of confidence. Haldir could only wish he felt such confidence within himself though. After spending every night dreaming about Orophin dragging him into death for the last month, he felt very certain that a second was indeed necessary.
"Very well then. Belegwen, you must relinquish your rights as marchwarden until your trial. Hand over your Galadhrim bow, sword, and pin." Eregdol said without a trace of empathy in his voice.
Haldir scowled at him and cursed mentally as he watched Belegwen detach the bow and quiver from her back, then handed them to Eregdol. This was not at all how Haldir had pictured this going. He was uncertain of how to help her though, now that she had refused his help by taking the matter into her own hands with her lie. He watched helplessly as she reached into the collar of her armor, pulled out her leaf pin, and placed it in Eregdol's hand. She then stepped back from him and stood stoically next to Haldir.
"The sword too." Eregdol stated, nodding towards Nimrodel, which was dangling at her side.
"It is not Galadhrim issue, but a personal gift I received from Lady Galadriel. I will be keeping it with me." She said, challenging him with her eyes to try and take the sword away from her. Haldir knew there would be no way to get the sword from her without a fight, as it was one of her most precious possessions and often seemed like it was an additional limb on her body. Luckily, Eregdol did not press the issue.
"Is the meeting adjourned then?" Belegwen asked with a voice that sounded much too controlled. Haldir knew she was falling apart under the surface of that calm façade she exhibited. He could feel the pain of these actions eating her alive from within and he silently mourned for her loss. Haldir saw that her dull eyes staring at the bow that rested in Eregdol's hands.
Her bow.
Would it ever rest in her capable hands again?
"Let us get back to our march now. It is well past dawn and we are falling behind." Valtaur said and then started to walk away, heading back to where the soldiers were lined up and ready to go. The other council members nodded and audibly agreed, which left Haldir staring at Belegwen in silence behind the medical cart.
Haldir quickly took the two steps necessary to close the gap between them and gently put his hand on her upper arm. "Belegwen, I-"
"Don't." She replied coldly, turning away from him with a look of excruciating pain briefly flashing across her facial features before she regained control of herself. "Just… don't."
And with her simple sentiment expressed, Belegwen quickly walked away from Haldir, leaving him to deal with the confusion and grief of the situation on his own.
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I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Please let me know what you think. I will try to have another chapter up soon. Thanks for reading!
-P.G.