Welcome back to TBFF! A special thanks goes out to mystarlight, Arwan, Addy White, AshleyLeigh, and hrtiu for their reviews on the last chapter. Thanks again to all of my wonderful readers! Your enjoyment of my story makes my heart sing!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Lord of the Rings or Tolkien Enterprises.
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To Be Forever Faithful
By: Ponytail Goddess
Chapter 43: Love and Loyalty
Haldir's attention rested on Belegwen first, as he had inadvertently knocked her over when he ran around the cart after hearing her voice carrying through the night. Belegwen's head had banged into the shoulder of his armor forcefully, leaving her lying on the ground with a bloody nose, unaware of her surroundings. It took her a few moments to recover before she seemed to realize he was standing in front of her.
He was uncertain if she even saw the other five soldiers who had followed him after they heard her shout. They kept their distance though, giving her room to breathe and pull herself back together.
She whispered his name and then gingerly grasped the hand he offered her. Haldir easily pulled her to her feet and then grasped her upper arms to steady her when she tottered a bit. He gave her a quick once over to reassure himself that she was still in one piece.
"Has he injured you?" He asked her discreetly, after accepting a cloth handkerchief from a nearby warden and pressing it to her nose gently, carefully dabbing away the blood from her face as she stared into his eyes with obvious relief.
"Just my wrist," she murmured, lifting it up for Haldir to see the beginnings of bruises forming where Erthalion had grabbed her violently. Upon seeing this, Haldir's pulse started to quicken, but he held his anger in check as best he could at the sight of her discolored skin.
"Rumil," he said, gently guiding her towards his brother with one hand resting on her upper back and the other still holding the handkerchief to her nose, "Take care of her for a moment."
He helped his brother carefully take the handkerchief from his fingers, then let go of Belegwen as Rumil took his place beside her and wrapped his arm around her middle. Haldir noticed an odd look pass between the two of them as Rumil started to lead her away from the crowd. He did not have time to dwell on it though, as there were other much more pressing matters to be dealt with.
Now his gaze turned to Erthalion. The dark-haired elf stared back at him with no trace remorse in his expression. Something inside of Haldir shattered at the sight of him and before he realized the extent of his own rage, he had already slammed his fist into Erthalion's face. The elf looked shocked as he fell to the ground, emitting a moan of pain as he cradled his face in his hands. Haldir did not give him time to recover, but immediately picked him up by the collar of his armor and lifted his marred face next to his own to confront him.
"So it was you who bruised her wrists in Caras Galadhon." He mused with a dangerously low tone to his voice.
The image of it was now fresh in Haldir's mind, having seen Belegwen's memory of Erthalion's abuse through their bond. Though Belegwen's wall was still in place to separate their connected minds, several feelings and memories had escaped the perimeter when she had grown fearful. Back when he had seen her bruised wrists in person, Haldir had blamed himself and thought he had inadvertently hurt her during intimacy, but it had been Erthalion's doing all along.
The thought of Erthalion injuring Belegwen repeatedly had brought Haldir to the brink of what he could handle as an ellon. Haldir found himself struggling to maintain control of his emotions, though his position as marchwarden dictated that he must. The thought of taking revenge on Erthalion in this moment seemed so perfect, yet he knew it was not a path he could venture down.
Not while remaining honorable, anyway.
"You have purposefully injured her on at least three occasions now. Are there any other instances I should know about, traitor?" He asked with a dark voice, staring at Erthalion with disgust and loathing.
"I know not of what you speak," he replied in a strained voice, though his eyes gleamed with some sort of sick joy, as if this was a game to him. How much did he remember, but not say aloud?
"Have it your way," Haldir hissed, then let him drop unceremoniously to the ground with a loud thump. "You have been warned about this by my wardens on several occasions during this trip, but your behavior still persists. By my decree, you are no longer allowed to be alone at any time during the day or night. I will make a schedule and have a soldier guarding you at all times. Never again will you approach Belegwen for any reason. Have I made myself clear?"
Erthalion did not answer, but met his eyes with a look that clearly challenged Haldir's authority. Losing his cool once more, Haldir grabbed him up and pulled his deformed ear close to his mouth. "If I ever see you lay a hand on Belegwen again, I will feel no remorse for you as I wash your blood from my hands." He threatened, his voice barely a whisper in the night.
The meaning of his threat was obvious and Haldir felt satisfied when he saw an angry flush appear across Erthalion's cheeks. Once again he asked, "Have I made myself clear Erthalion?"
This time, Erthalion replied with a nod before Haldir pushed him to the ground once more, cursing out loud as he realized that he had completely lost control of himself repeatedly. It took him several moments to regain his self-control, but when he did it was lasting.
Haldir was finally able to move past his anger and face his new task. After deciding which of the remaining wardens would watch Erthalion for the last few hours of the night, Haldir left quickly to go and find Rumil and Belegwen.
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"Does Haldir know?" Rumil finally asked quietly, interrupting what had been the longest and most awkward silence the two friends had ever endured together. He waited patiently for her answer, continuing to dab at her nose with the handkerchief Haldir had passed to him.
Rumil had discovered the elfling when he put his arm around Belegwen's middle to lead her away from Erthalion. The life growing within her was undeniable and though she had not meant for Rumil to find out, Belegwen now felt as though she owed him some sort of explanation.
"Not yet," she answered, stealing the handkerchief away from him to wipe her nose more vigorously before shoving the bloody fabric into the pocket of her robes. "I had hoped to tell him tonight, but Erthalion found me first."
Belegwen shivered as she thought about what might have happened if Haldir had not come when he did. Erthalion had handled her roughly and if she had needed to fight him off, the elfling could have been injured. She cringed at the thought, once again getting tangled in the web of painful memories Erthalion had spun for her.
Rumil must have been aware of what she was thinking though because he grabbed her chin and brought her back into the present with an intense look from his deep blue eyes. They were so reminiscent of Haldir's eyes; Belegwen found them comforting and reassuring.
"Belegwen, stop thinking of it. Do not allow him to have control over you. It is over now and it will never happen again. Haldir will not allow it, nor will I." He promised as he rested his hands gently on her shoulders.
His words were a vow of protection that she both loved and hated all at once. While she loved how much Rumil cared about her, she hated the situation for being so deeply out of her control that she needed him and Haldir to take care of this on her behalf.
Why was she not strong enough to deal with this on her own? She hated herself for being so weak when it came to Erthalion. Rumil was right; she did allow Erthalion to wield a certain amount of power over her, but Belegwen did not know how to fix the problem. She could not stop feeling fear every time he was around her, the memory of him hurting her and strangling her was never far behind the familiar glint of his green eyes. To this day, the memory of the sea calling out to her during his harrowing attack haunted her thoughts and dreams.
What could she do to overcome the insurmountable pain he had created within her?
The pain and embarrassment of the whole thing lingered on inside her, even when Rumil wrapped her in his strong arms, holding her to try and bring her some measure of comfort. While Belegwen appreciated his efforts, she knew she would not find reassurance from him.
She needed Haldir.
It was several more minutes before he came to find her. Belegwen was still silently leaning into Rumil when she sensed his presence. Immediately, his shadow towered over them, darkening the light of the full moon that glowed above them.
Belegwen slowly turned to face him, suddenly filled with an odd combination of anxiety and expectation. She half expected a jealous reaction from him, as she knew he was bothered by her friendship with Rumil, but was surprised to find that he did not seem upset by their embrace tonight.
What had changed between them that gave him such confidence now?
Once she met his gaze, she found herself speechless, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Rumil and the rest of the camp fell away, leaving her with him alone in a moment that seemed to stretch on forever. Her breath caught in her throat as he reached out and touched her elbow with a tenderness he reserved for her and her alone.
"Rumil, the watch has been changed for the night. You may go take your rest." He said, though his eyes never left Belegwen's face.
"Very well," she heard Rumil say distantly, then felt his lips place a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Good luck gwathel." He whispered to her and then was gone, leaving her alone under Haldir's intense scrutiny.
Haldir did not tarry, taking her arm more gently than ever before and walking her back to the healing cart. The place where several elves had been congregated a few minutes earlier was now deserted.
Belegwen turned to face him once again, only to be surprised when she felt his hands reach under her thighs and boost her up so that she was sitting on the floor of the cart. He stepped closer to her then, his armored body standing intimately between her parted knees. She was very aware of how his strong hands lingered on her thighs protectively. He was so close to her that she felt overwhelmed by his presence; his warm breath caressed her cheek as he looked her over carefully.
"You are certain you are alright?" He asked quietly, stroking the tops of her arms, then moving one of his hands to cradle the underside of her chin when she looked away from him, guiding her stare back to the all-consuming gaze that he demanded of her.
Belegwen nodded, feeling her ability to speak quickly leaving her underneath the intensity of his stare and the emotions she felt flowing from him. Though the wall separating their minds was still up, it was not blocking out very much anymore. She could feel his immense concern for her welfare mingled with something that could only be considered a deeply rooted affection for her…
It was love.
She was feeling his love for her.
The wall could not contain it, so very powerful it was.
Haldir loved her even though he did not say it out loud. She could feel it, so strong and true; it was all-encompassing and consuming, overwhelming. There was no stopping it, these feelings he had for her. They were unchanging and unwavering, perfectly beautiful in every possible way.
Belegwen stared at him in awe as she finally felt assured of his love and loyalty towards her. She was everything to him. The feelings coming from him were just as heartfelt and strong as her feelings of love for him. Was he allowing her to feel his love on purpose or on accident? Belegwen was uncertain, but basked in the glow of the feeling anyway.
"Why were you wandering the camp by yourself tonight?" He asked softly, concern gleaming in his cerulean eyes as he met her gaze, seeking answers.
"I… I was trying to find you." Belegwen answered quietly, flushing lightly with embarrassment over the whole ordeal. "I needed to speak with you privately."
Haldir looked as though his curiosity had been piqued. "I am here now. What do you need to speak with me about Belegwen?"
She felt her jaw quiver as she braced herself to finally tell him what was happening. There was still a tiny, inextricable part of her that feared what he would say, as if he might retract everything between them if he did not receive her news well.
"Belegwen, please," he urged her, sensing that what she was about to say was important. "You can tell me anything. Whatever it is, I want you to share it with me."
He knew that she was finally ready to tell him about the secret and she saw sincerity in his deep blue eyes as she studied them. He was so unguarded in this moment; Belegwen could hardly believe how open he was being with her and how much he seemed to have changed recently.
"Haldir… I… I know we have never discussed this before, but I… I am expecting." She finally brought herself to say from under the intense scrutiny of his persona. Her voice was so quiet, she almost wondered if he heard her at first.
His confused look told her that she was heard though. "Expecting? Expecting what?"
Belegwen had thought she was being clear, but apparently her words had been too vague. "An elfling, Haldir," she whispered cautiously, staring into his eyes to gauge his reaction. "I am expecting an elfling."
Shocked was not a strong enough word to describe the look on Haldir's face when her words sunk in after a few long moments of silence. He was absolutely dumbfounded at first, with his eyebrows elevating nearly all the way to his hairline and his mouth hanging open in a way Belegwen had never seen before. His eyes stayed glued to hers, though he blinked several times in succession as he tried to make sense of this new revelation within his mind.
"You are certain? You and I… We…" He stuttered, reasoning out loud awkwardly. Belegwen merely nodded, then guided his hands off her upper body and slowly brought them down to rest on her middle so he could feel the inextricable proof of her claim.
"Oh dear Vala." He whispered, staring openly at her middle as he gently held where the elfling grew within her. "You wanted this? I did not know you wanted this…" He said, trailing off as he stared into her eyes with mild panic.
"Yes, I wanted this." Belegwen whispered after a few moments, feeling very exposed now that she had admitted one of her biggest secrets out loud. "Did you want this too?"
Haldir stared into her eyes, at once seeing the anxiety and uncertainty that was plaguing her. "Oh Belegwen, how could I not? I wish to have everything I previously deemed impossible now that I have you. Even as you show me this, I can hardly believe it is real." He said as he caressed her midsection, pausing for a moment before continuing.
"I did not think this would ever happen to me." Haldir confessed, looking down for a moment in shame before meeting her eyes again. "You bless me tonight Belegwen, more than you could possibly know."
"You are pleased?" She asked cautiously, still not feeling fully certain after having been concerned about the situation for the last week.
"More than pleased." He answered with the most beautiful of smiles, then wrapped his warm hands tenderly behind her neck and kissed her deeply. "Ecstatic, joyous, and most definitely in awe." He whispered against her lips, before drawing her back into his amorous kiss once more.
Belegwen was momentarily shocked that he would kiss her out in the open like this, but then soon became so enthralled in the pleasure of his lips melding against her own that all conscious thought left her. There was nothing left in the world but her and Haldir, coming together in the most special of moments.
When Haldir finally broke away from her, he was breathing heavily. His desire-filled eyes met hers with ferocity before his heated words came to her as a whisper within her mind, "Get into the cart and tie the back door shut."
Having left reason behind a few minutes ago, Belegwen nodded and scooted herself back until she was inside the medical cart. She was confused when Haldir did not follow, but disappeared around the side. Still, she did as he said and got on her knees to tie cloth door of the wagon closed.
When Belegwen stood up, she gasped as she felt his arms immediately draw her backwards against his cold armor so he could embrace her tightly. This earned a nearly silent shushing sound from Haldir, who held her close and started kissing her neck passionately as his hands slowly caressed her down the front of her body.
"Do not make a sound or we will draw attention to ourselves." He whispered in her mind as warmth quickly blossomed throughout her entire being, drawn from the tingling trail of his lips and his strong, wandering hands. His touches were warm and gentle, absolute perfection to Belegwen.
Desiring to touch more of his body, Belegwen quickly flipped around and together, using the stealth they had practiced on the training grounds for years as wardens, they silently freed Haldir from piece after piece of his armor until he was left only in his tight black breaches and undershirt. Those were both also quickly discarded, followed by the tan healing robes Belegwen was wearing.
The two gasped as their unencumbered bodies touched once again, both burning for each other. Their touches were heated and they quickly lost control of themselves, using every last drop of will-power they had to stay silent during one another's ministrations.
At last, Haldir sat down on the cart's floor, leaning his weight against the wooden cabinets and then quickly drew Belegwen on top of his lap. She bit her lip to prevent herself from moaning as he guided her legs around his waist before taking her once again.
An unusual combination of Haldir's emotions mingled with Belegwen's as he gently made love to her, working quickly because they both were concerned about being discovered. Love and joy shone brightly from his being, but there was also an outlying feeling of despair and hopelessness that creeped in around the edges of his heart, ever so slightly tainting the moment. Still, Belegwen could not help but rejoice in the word that lingered in his mind as they allowed their bodies to be swept way into uncontrolled ecstasy.
"Hervess," he had called her within his mind's eye as he found consummation in her warm embrace.
Wife.
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Haldir worked hard to stay silent as he slowly calmed his breathing, still holding Belegwen firmly against his chest. Hidden deep within the darkness of the sealed up healing cart, he clutched her tightly to his being as if he would never again let her go. Indeed, he would not if he could help it. Part of him wished this perfect moment could linger on forever.
For the life of him, Haldir could not seem to stay mad at Belegwen. Though she had lied to him, the minute she had been in trouble, he had immediately worried and rushed to her side, all traces of anger forgotten. Belegwen was too important to him for some stupid lie to result in them parting ways with one another. Haldir loved her too much to leave her unprotected and knew in his heart that he would do everything in his power to save her when necessary...
...and he knew this feeling he had for her would last forever.
Gone were the days when he had held Belegwen at arm's length as well, trying to protect her from himself. Internally, he frowned at himself now for having bothered to try at all. It had all been folly. He had desperately tried to keep her away so that he would not drag her with him into death during the battle.
It had all been for naught. Belegwen was already deeply entwined in his heart, mind, and soul. The two of them had loved each other so greatly that they had willed a whole new elf into being, during a time of unrest and war, no less!
There would be no stopping fate now. He could not control what would happen to Belegwen, as much as he had sought to try. Haldir could now only hope that she was strong enough to survive on her own if he should fall. The thought of him dragging her with him to Mandos with the elfling in tow was heartwrenching and unbearable.
He could not let that happen. He was going to have to survive this somehow.
"You are changed tonight," he heard Belegwen say within his mind, rousing him from his despairing thoughts and back into the present moment. He looked down and smiled lightly at her, happy to once again roam freely within her mind.
Haldir was not certain of exactly when, but at some point during their lovemaking the wall had simply disappeared and he had been nearly overwrought by her emotions and thoughts as they came flooding back into his mind. Now he basked in the glow of their bonded unity once more, feeling connected to her in every possible way.
"Perhaps I am," he replied, stroking the side of her face lovingly before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Does it bother you?"
"No. I like it," she murmured in his mind as her fingers traced the chiseled lines of his chest and abdomen idly while she watched him. "I only seek to understand what has brought this about."
"You, Belegwen." He thought with a laugh. "It is you that has brought this about. Since we shared that moment in the forest, you have shown me great loyalty in your words and actions. I only wish to show you that I feel the same way."
Belegwen smiled brightly back at him, her blue eyes glowing in the bit of dim light that managed to pass through the white cloth exterior of the wagon's cover. She grabbed the back of his golden head and pulled him down for another kiss before saying, "You are going to be an adar."
"And you a naneth," he answered sweetly. "I cannot wait to meet this new little ellon."
"How did you know it was an ellon?" Belegwen questioned, looking up at him with obvious surprise. "Did you see it in my mind?"
"No," he said with a laugh. "I just knew. My family line has not produced a single elleth in more than five generations now. I drew a simple conclusion based upon my family history."
"Well, you are correct in your assumption, for Linedhel told me it was an ellon and that all is going well so far." He heard her answer as he reached down to feel her stomach once more, still marveling at the life contained within her.
"That is why he changed his vote. I understand now, though I wish you had told me sooner." Haldir said calmly.
"I am sorry Haldir. I did want you to know, but I only thought to wait until after the battle. Your mind has been so distracted recently that I did not with to add to your internal conflict." Belegwen said, caressing the strong line of his jawbone. "I worry about you sometimes. I do not want to be the reason you are injured."
"And I am sorry for what I said to you last week. Protecting an elfling from harm is most honorable. I would not have implied that you were not if had I known." Haldir said as he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her even closer to him, wanting to touch more of her during what little time they had left to spend together. "I would have you stay close to Linedhel during the battle and assist him rather than fight. Will you do this?" He asked.
"I suppose it would probably be for the best." She replied.
"Very good," he said, then gasped as he felt something unusual against his abdomen. Looking down, he saw Belegwen's abdomen ripple once, then again a few seconds later.
"He moves within me," Belegwen whispered in his head, meeting his eyes with a look of surprise. "It is the first time I have felt it."
All four of their hands soon rested on her abdomen, waiting to see if they could feel the ellon move once again. They were not disappointed and soon felt the movement once more, both gasping in one another's mind as they felt it simultaneously.
"I think he is excited to meet his ada," Belegwen said as she started to stand up, only to be pulled unceremoniously back into Haldir's lap.
"Belegwen… I…" He started, then paused as he became anxious once again.
In his heart, Haldir knew what he needed to say to Belegwen, but now that the perfect time had come, he was once again wordless. His fear seemed to always hold him back from doing what was right by her. How she could still care for him when he could not seem to utter those three most important of words?
"I… I wanted you to know that you are the only elf for me as well," he started, returning her meaningful sentiment from the day they got in trouble in the forest together. It seemed like such a small admission now that he had discovered her secret; to him though, this was a huge admittance. Haldir had loved Belegwen for over three millennia, just as Bragolith had reminded him, which made this an admission of epic proportions for him. It was one he had hardly even made to himself. "And I… You… mean the world to me."
Inwardly, Haldir cursed himself for being unable to say it yet again. He was absolutely terrible at making declarations! As if sensing his internal anguish, Belegwen gently stroked his hair and gave him a peck on his cheek. "Let us get dressed now before someone sees."
They dressed in complete silence, Belegwen once again helping Haldir put his armor on before sitting on a small stool to finish pulling out what was left of her hairdo. Haldir had shoved his hands into her hair with such vigor in the past hour that many of the fancy braids had come unwoven.
"It will soon be time for me to start the marches again," Haldir said, facing Belegwen as she ran her hands through her silvery locks to remove the final remnants of the braids.
Belegwen frowned as she looked him over. "You have not gotten any sleep tonight."
"Some things are more important than sleep," he replied, taking her face between his hands once more. "We needed this," he whispered in her mind, then kissed her slowly, savoring the taste of her mouth brushing gently against his own.
"Yes," she conceded with a nod, "I think we did."
"I will come and check on you tonight. You will let me know if you are in need of anything or if Erthalion comes around again." He said, more as a statement than as a question.
"I will." Belegwen answered. With one final kiss, Haldir drew away from Belegwen and left the healing cart, feeling much lighter than he had in weeks.
If any elves had noticed the tryst shared between the two marchwardens, they chose not to say anything of it.
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I have gifted you the calm before the storm today, as we have almost made it to Helm's Deep! I hope you enjoyed my fluff; I know I certainly can't get enough of it.
Please let me know what you thought of the chapter. I will post again soon! Thanks for reading!
-P.G.