A/N: Excited about this chapter as this is where things start to heat up for Levi and Mikasa! It's a long one and was originally way longer until I decided to split it into two chapters, but that's because we're finally getting to the good stuff ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own AOT/SNK or any of the characters used in this fic.

CHAPTER 4: HOLDING BACK

Mikasa's mind still struggled to process events of the last few weeks. So much had happened: their comrades turning out to be titans who opposed their mission, Eren controlling the titans, Historia ascending the throne, Erwin losing his arm, the Scouts having had their name drug through the mud then cleared in a matter of days, the coup d'état. It was all so damn strange Mikasa could hardly think straight.

And, of course, there was Levi.

He had been the one stable thing in her life, the one thing she could always predict.

Then he had to go and do something like kiss her, throwing everything she had come to expect from him for a loop. She was lucky she had managed to stay focused in the fight that followed not to get herself killed.

Even now, the feeling of his lips on hers lingered. Like waking from an unfinished dream, itching to know how it was supposed to end.

Not that it seemed like she was ever going to get the chance to find out. Between taking down Rod Rice, cleaning up his disastrous wake, and scrambling for some sense of order after the coup, Mikasa hardly had any time even near Levi, let alone in private with him. The most she had talked to him over the last week was upon his return from scouting out the wreckage of the cave.

"Kenny Ackerman is dead," was all he said, striking her as extra quiet and broody.

"What happened to him?"

"I didn't kill him, if that's what you're getting at. The bastard had the gall to bleed out before I got the chance." Then he whisked away, claiming something important to take care of.

Mikasa wasn't sure why she was so anxious to talk to him and she honestly had no idea what she would say when she finally did. Would she yell at him? Punch him? Kiss him again? Maybe all three.

Mikasa shook her head in frustration. It wasn't like she thought of Levi that way before…had she? Thinking back, maybe the two of them growing closer had meant more than Mikasa originally assumed. Now, all she could see when she pictured his face was the handsome chisel of his cheekbones, the slight stubble on his face from days on the run she had only noticed when he was close enough to kiss her, his dark and intense eyes that she could never quite place a color on.

"Ackerman, did you hear what I said?"

Mikasa snapped out of her thoughts to find the commander looking at her intently. "I'm sorry, Commander Erwin, I… wasn't listening." No use denying what was painfully obvious.

She couldn't tell if he was furrowing his brows at her or if that was just always how he looked. "I understand it's been an overwhelming few weeks, but I'm afraid I must ask for everyone's diligence through this evening. Even though Historia is officially Queen, we Scouts stand on somewhat precarious ground."

"Sir, I understand. Please continue."

Historia's crowning had been held in public earlier that day, but the coronation ceremonies extended into the evening and Erwin had called all the Scouts together, few as that total was, to discuss expectations for the evening's coronation ball.

"Good, now as I was saying, I expect all of you to attend this evening's coronation ball and be on your best behavior. I've arranged for you all to be provided with proper attire for the occasion.

"But… sir. If I may speak freely, why can't we wear our uniforms to the ball? Surely that would better represent the Regiment." Bless Jean, Mikasa thought as he put a voice to the very thought in her mind.

"But not everyone likes or trusts the Scout Regiment. It's just as important we win over the nobles' trust as it is for us to have Historia on the throne. That is why we need to win their faith by being the sort of civilized people they expect us to be."

Levi snorted from the corner, speaking for the first time since the meeting had been called to order. "Yeah, they want us to be civilized until they need us to bloody our hands slaying titans to keep their fat asses safe and fed." Mikasa tried to meet his eyes, but if he was aware of her presence at all, he was doing a damn good job ignoring it.

"Be that as it may, we'll need their support to ensure this transfer of power goes smoothly. I know it's not what we're trained for, but it's critically important we make a good impression. You are all to proceed to the castle where you'll be outfitted. Dismissed!"

"Sir!" they all cried uniformly, snappinng their hands to their hearts.

"No. No way in Hell. I'm not wearing this." She, Sasha, and Historia had been sent to see the royal wardrobe keeper and Mikasa was the only one who had to agree to a dress for the evening's festivities.

"But Miiiiikasaaaa, you look soooooo pretty!" Sasha crooned. "Eren and Jean won't be able to get enough of you in that!"

Mikasa rolled her eyes and blushed. If she was looking to impress anyone this evening, it wasn't either of them. Not that she was looking to impress anyone at all…

She had to admit, the dress she currently had on was a work of art, constructed of jet black silk embroidered with delicate gold stitching throughout. It clung tightly to her bodice before flowing like water off her thighs to the floor. Two huge cuts split the skirt all the way up to each hip. But the real intrigue was higher up. After the dress cloaked her neck in a tight, high collar, some coverage that at least felt familiar, the fabric fell away toward her front, leaving her entire back open all the way down below the small of her back.

There was no way she was going to parade around in front of everyone—in front of him—wearing that. He would never respect her again. Not that I have much choice.

"It's an heirloom piece," the wardrobe keeper said, "from the ancient peoples of the orient, of whom you are descended, if I'm not mistaken, my dear. I can think of no one more appropriate to show off this piece."

"I'm a soldier, not a model!" Mikasa snapped, but she felt bad. This woman was just doing her job. It wasn't her fault they'd been assigned this ridiculous request.

"Come on, it won't be so bad. We'll all be there together!" Historia said brightly, though even Mikasa could tell she had her own reservations about the evening. And rightfully so. Historia was the guest of honor, the one whose all eyes would be on, and here Mikasa was complaining. Mikasa admired and envied Historia, and not just because she had punched Levi earlier that day. For all she had endured, Historia remained so positive, so full of light. Mikasa's trauma had the opposite effect, turning her into a dark and twisted soul that didn't really find much enjoyment in anything.

"Yeah, and just think of all the fancy delicious food that'll be there!" Sasha squealed, her eyes glazing her and a bit of drool forming on her bottom lip.

"Look how far up these splits go!"

"Think of it as a tool that will still give your legs enough mobility to kick the shit out of anyone you want to!" Historia exclaimed.

"And the back?"

"Incentive for people to join the Scouts and get our numbers back up," Historia said with a wink.

Mikasa sighed, clearly seeing no other option. "Fine, I'll wear this one."

Historia and Mikasa squealed and wrapped her in a tight hug. Mikasa stiffened, not one for physical displays of affection. The only people she had ever hugged before were Armin and Eren.

Historia must have sensed her discomfort because she pulled back and looked at Mikasa. "Come on, relax. We're your friends, after all!" Friends. The word sounded strange to Mikasa who had never really had those. Eren and Armin transcended into something different. They were family. They were all she needed.

"You're sure not too big and important for us little people now?" she said with a cheeky half-grin.

"Don't be silly! Just because I'm Queen doesn't mean we're not friends. I may not always be around, but I'm always on your side."

Mikasa smiled, this time a real one. Maybe she could get used to having some friends, too.

Captain Levi stood beside the bar cart with Commander Erwin, Hange, and Historia, all of whom were scoping out the room and whispering the who's who of the arriving guests. Historia nodded eagerly, trying to do her queenly duties of remembering her subjects' names.

He knew she wasn't exactly happy about her duty to reclaim the throne, but even in her crown and queenly gold attire, she was a soldier following orders. A damn good one. She'd been thrown to the wolves and still managed to tame them. He admired her, maybe especially because she had actually had the balls to land that pathetic punch on him earlier in the day.

Levi did his best to block out their words. He didn't give two shits about anyone in that godforsaken room. He just wanted the night over as quickly as possible. Despite the fact that he looked the part, in his trim-fit suit and signature cravat, playing house with a bunch of fat, selfish pigs rolling around in their own shit wasn't his idea of a good time.

Not that his lack of enthusiasm much mattered. Hange provided enough excitement for both of them. To her, it was all a big observation opportunity, a chance to witness how the other half "behaved in their natural environment", as she put it like the science-obsessed psycho she was.

Erwin looked at ease, but Levi knew him well enough to know that, deep down, he was as much on edge as the rest of the Scouts. After all, the success of the evening depended on a group known for misbehaving and going against orders doing neither of those things. Keeping Jaeger on a leash alone would be nothing short of a challenge.

As if on cue, a cluster of their soldiers appears in the door, led by Jean and Connie. Levi took a sip of his drink. Oh, boy, here we go, he thought ruefully.

Two-by-two, they filed in, with Mikasa and Sasha nervously bringing up the rear. The second Levi saw her, he choked on his drink, dribbling a bit of the thankfully clear sake down onto his cravat.

She looked radiant… and incredibly deadly. Even without her blades and weapons, the sleeveless black dress revealed her taut physique. The cut of her muscles, hardwon from cleaving copious amounts of titan flesh, spiraled down her arms. If people didn't believe her to be one of humanity's strongest before, they would now.

Levi had never seen that much of Mikasa, who usually kept every part of her from the chin down completely covered. If he could barely control himself around her then, he stood no chance with her like this. Not in that dress. Everything about it made his knees go weak.

The way it hugged her hips, clung to her chest, and revealed the whole delicate arch of her back...it was a window that made Levi want to run his hands down her spine. And beyond.

He bit his lip. Levi had already been avoiding Mikasa since he had pulled perhaps the stupidest stunt of his life so far, and now, with her in that, he truly wished he could disappear.

The surviving members of the 104th Southern Cadet Corps made their way awkwardly to Erwin, Hange, and Levi, clearly feeling out of place. Tch. Of course, they feel that way. Why would they know how to behave in situations like this? This whole night is going to be a disaster. As if cementing his prediction, he noticed Sasha had already filled her hands with items plucked off no less than ten passing hors d'oeuvre trays and was greedily shoving bits of meat and cheese into her mouth.

Levi saw Mikasa hiss something in her ear, after which Sasha swallowed guiltily and tried to inconspicuously wipe her hands on the hem of her dress. Mikasa's eye's swung toward their leaders. For a fraction of a second, her eyes found his, and Levi felt as though he could burn the entire fucking palace down with the heat that flooded into his body.

Erwin cleared his throat. "You all look very nice, but appearances will only get us so far tonight. Remember, no incidents. You are all under strict orders to play nice, no matter what gets said to you in this room." Levi could have sworn he saw Erwin's eyes cut to Mikasa for a moment. "I understand this is a lot to ask, but the future of our regiment depends on it."

"Sir!" they chorused.

This was easily the longest evening of Mikasa's life and she needed out. Drop her outside the walls in the middle of titan territory or have her clean all of Trost until it was up to Levi's impossible standard. Anything but this.

After being dismissed by the Commander, Mikasa hadn't been given two seconds alone to eat, let alone rest, not with the constant string of rich nobles lining up for their three minutes with the rare foreign commodity. If they had seen what she was capable of, what she had done to men for far less, they might not be so eager to get close.

But Mikasa was under strict orders not to be that person tonight. Here, she wasn't a soldier, but a bargaining chip designed to win over the elites' regard for the Scouts. Frankly. She would have rather become a titan's chew toy than a pawn in this game.

The man currently pressed hungrily against Mikasa, clumsily swaying her out of rhythm to the music, was a middle-aged weasel of a man with receding hair, eyes too small for his face, a beak-like nose. She had seen titans more attractive.

His hand slipped down the silk fabric cladding her hip and curved around her rear. She bristled and clutched her teeth until they emitted a cringeworthy crack. It took everything she had not to kick the man halfway across the room. The Commander owes me big time for this, she seethed.

Mikasa frequently scanned the room for a certain dark-haired captain, but Levi was nowhere to be seen. How does that runt get away with hiding?

The song ended and Mikasa looked to make a break for it, but she should have known better. Yet another old man, his portly belly bulging through his velvet coat as if intentionally showing off his overindulgence, stepped in and grabbed Mikasa's hand without so much as asking.

"I really need to go use the bathroom," she said bluntly, having reached her politeness limit about three dances ago.

"Come now, you wouldn't deny a man like me the pleasure of your company, now would you?" he drawled. "I'm a very rich man and I can make things much easier or much harder on you Scouts." If his contempt for the Scouts had been anything compared to her contempt for him, she might have been offended. Instead, Mikasa glued her jaw shut, willing herself for the hundredth time to just make it through this evening.

"Excuse me, may I have your attention!" Historia's sweet voice tingled like a bell over the crowd, silencing the band and stilling movement. "I don't mean to interrupt the festivities, but I wanted to take the opportunity before it gets too late to thank everyone here from the bottom of my heart. Most importantly, I want to thank Commander Erwin Smith and the entire Survey Corps, without which I would not be standing here and you would still be led by a false king." Applause skittered through the crowd, some of it less than genuine but that was to be expected.

Historia continued, and Mikasa used everyone's preoccupation with her as a convenient excuse to sneak away unnoticed. Thank you, Historia, Mikasa thought, slipping out onto the balcony. The cool night air provided instant relief to her blazing hot skin.

She closed her eyes, gulping in a big inhale of the fresh air. If she was going to make it through the evening without killing someone, she needed a respite now.

"You, too, huh?"

A bored voice startled her out of her meditation and she blinked her eyes open to see who had spoken to her. There, his elbows resting against the balcony railing was someone she both did and did not want to see at that moment: Levi.

Already beating at a high rate from her rage and frustration over the entire evening, Mikasa's heart now suddenly felt like it was going to thunder right out of her chest. She had been dying to talk to him, but now, with her nerves as frayed as the edges of the scarf she desperately longed for, she wished he weren't here.

Mikasa noted a fancy amber glass bottle dangling over the railing, held loosely by his right hand.

"Where did you manage to sneak that from?"

"A captain deserves to have some secrets."

"Any chance you'd be willing to share?" He turned to see her fully, looking even more stunning in the dress now that he had some booze in his blood. He must have stared blankly at her a little too long because she nodded her head toward the bottle in Levi's hand.

"Technically you're not of age."

"Technically, I don't care," Mikasa wasn't in a playful mood. If he didn't want to give her any, she had no qualms dropping him then and there and taking it. "If I'm old enough to risk my life slaughtering titans and old enough to put up with the warzone in there, I'm old enough to have some of that."

The edges of his lips cocked into a slight, crooked smile, as he handed over the bottle. She immediately pressed it to her lips and began chugging. Mikasa wasn't much one for drinking but the liquid fire going down her throat was a welcome distraction from...everything.

"Easy there, killer," Levi said, taking it back while there was still some for him.

"Can we go home yet?" she asked, pulling at her dress uncomfortably, desperate to get back into her comfortable fatigues. "I hate this. Dressing up, dancing, the number of people."

"Don't forget mingling with rich bastards who would sooner see you starve than lift a finger to help," he added, taking another swig. "Don't forget, the only reason they tolerate us here eating their fancy food and drinking their top-shelf booze is that we let them escape the chopping block when the dust of the coup settled."

"I hate them all. They don't deserve to be saved," Mikasa said quietly, shrugging her shoulders, instinctively trying to bury her discomfort in the safety blanket that usually laced her neck. Levi was surprised at the acid lacing her words. "The way they look at me, like they're appraising a diamond. Or the way they touch me when they dance with me…" she trailed off, not wanting to continue.

Levi hadn't considered if her being here, among collectors and traders of rare…goods…was a bad idea. Now it seemed so obvious to him. Of course, her being a foreigner, the last of her kind, and beautiful at that, would make her a target of those who bought and sold people like her like trinkets at the market.

The thought made him sick—and very, very angry.

"Good thing you're out here with me then. I won't let anyone touch you. Not if you don't want them to."

Mikasa was surprised by his warmth, especially considering how coldly he'd regarded her over the last week. She was even more surprised when he set the bottle on the ground and offered a hand to hand to her.

"YOU, dance?"

"I'm a man of many talents, Ackerman," he said, wagging his hand impatiently. "Either dance with me now or I'll go back to drinking. Either works for me." Nervously, she took his extended hand and Levi snaked his other around her waist, pulling her in just a bit closer than could be considered polite and proper. She bristled as his cold fingers shocked the bare skin of her lower back, but she forced herself to relax.

The music was faint from the main dance hall, and Levi took the lead and expertly waltzed her around the courtyard. Despite Mikasa having zero dance experience, Levi made her feel as if she'd been doing it for years. Suddenly, she started giggling, a sound that shocked Levi so much, his feet faltered. "What the hell is so funny?"

She stifled a few more giggles into her shoulder then looked at Levi with a puzzling smile on her face. "You being an excellent dancer is just the last thing I would have ever expected. Then again, I never knew you could actually laugh before earlier today, either." Let alone after being punched by one of his former subordinates.

"I aim to shock and awe," he said coyly, unsure of how to respond within this less-aggressive-than-usual banter.

Another minute passed, with Mikasa relishing in the feeling of being out of control yet safe. If only life were like dancing, she mused. Even though Levi was more dangerous than any man within the walls and probably any titan outside them, she felt safe with him. It was an unusual feeling for Mikasa.

She snuck a look at his face, thankful to find he was looking off into the distance. He still had the scar on his left cheek and one peeking out from under his hair that she had stitched up, both where Kenny's blade had found him. Another two to add to the collection. Not to speak of all the scars they both held that couldn't be seen.

Finally, she plucked up the nerve, took a deep breath, and said, "Levi."

He tensed. Levi. Not Captain Levi. Just Levi. He didn't think she'd ever addressed him so informally before. He knew he should reprimand her for that, but there were a lot of things Levi should have done differently. Putting as much distance between himself and her in that dress being one of them, yet here he was, holding her far closer that was safe for either of them.

Levi realized he hadn't responded to her when she continued, "I've been wanting to ask you about…what, uh…happened…before we went into that cave?"

His steps faltered. "What happened is I acted like an impulsive jackass. It was highly inappropriate of me. I am your superior officer and you are my subordinate. My actions were inexcusable and you should forget it ever happened."

Mikasa stiffened with each of his words and abruptly stopped dancing. "Why?" she demanded, a hard edge in her voice he hadn't heard for a while.

He evaded the question. "Why do you care? You want me to do it again?"

Her face turned bright red. "That's beside the point! I want to know why you did it in the first place."

Shit. Now I've upset her. "It doesn't matter, because it's not going to happen again. I'm not good for you, Mikasa," he said quietly. Somehow, putting voice to the words he had repeated in his head over and over for the last week hurt more than he expected.

"I don't think that's yours to decide," she said stubbornly.

"Don't forget who you're talking to, brat. I'm your Captain, so yes, it is," he spat, reverting to the apathetic, sadistic captain who had beaten her best friend bloody in front of her eyes. The one who broke three of her ribs in a training exercise. Perhaps, if he became that man again, she would hate him again and make it that much easier for them both.

"I know who I'm talking to, Levi." She put extra emphasis on the last word, a sign she wasn't backing down.

In a flash, Levi yanked her arm around her back. She moved to counter, but as fast as she was, Levi was faster. She was on the ground before she knew it, his knee digging into the middle of her back until her knees crumpled all the way down to the stone floor and she submitted.

Levi leaned over her, and breathed dangerously in her ear, "I could dislocate your shoulder without so much as trying. Never forget who I am and what I can do. What I have done." She squirmed under his grip but it was no use. With each move, the torque his knee granted only served to tighten the tension in her shoulder. She was entirely at Levi's mercy and a dark part of him was aroused by it. Tch. I am an animal, he thought. "Mikasa, need I remind you I was willing to let Eren get eaten if that ended up being best for humanity. I've tortured and killed countless. And not just titans, Mikasa, people." With that, he released her and stepped back.

"So have I, in case you've already forgotten," she said, rising from the ground. A memory from the Rice cave flashed through Levi's mind, one of her zipping gracefully through the air at speeds only Levi was otherwise capable of, cutting down man after man. It was amazing…how beautiful she could look while slaughtering her enemies. They weren't so different, and that was what worried Levi most.

"Maybe so, but we're still not in the same league. If you knew the full extent of what I've done–"

"Cut the shit, Levi! If I don't get to make excuses out of my past, neither do you! Our pasts don't define us."

"You can only run so far from who you were raised to be, Ackerman, and I won't drag you down that path with me. So I'll say this one more time before I beat it into you: Forget. It. Happened."

"Is that an order, Captain?" she spat the last word with enough venom that Levi his own throat burning.

He took two steps further away. "Yes, it is." Then he spun on his heels and vanished into the night.