A/N: Okay, okay, I lied. This is another super short chapter, but that's because this was originally going to be an opening scene of the next, much longer chapter, but I decided it was different enough that I wanted to split it out. BUT! The next two chapters should still be published by tonight.
What do you guys think so far? Please review so I know you don't all hate it.
Disclaimer: I do not own AOT/SNK or any of the characters used in this fic.
CHAPTER 7: FURY
Levi knew he should be furious.
Furious at Eren for standing in his way, for being unable to check his emotions. Furious at Mikasa for siding with him, not that he couldn't have predicted that a mile off. The second his first collided with Eren's face, he had earned her wrath. But still. She had leveled a blade at his throat. It was outright insubordination that could have them kicked out of the Scouts and thrown in prison.
If it were anyone but those two, they would have been.
He should have been furious at them, but instead he was really only with himself. For convincing Erwin to ride to his death in the first place, or at least not talking him out of it. For failing to kill the Beast Titan, his last promise to Erwin and the only reason the commander chose to lay down his life at all. For letting those damn brats worm their way into his conscience and making him doubt his instincts. For hurting her.
Levi wished there were more titans around, something he could hack and slash until all his blades were broken to nubs and his anger dulled with them.
But rage was only so useful once the battle was over and, as they waited atop the wall for what came next, Levi made the choice to accept it all in stride as yet another one of the day's countless tragedies. The Scouts had all but been wiped out. He didn't deserve to bitch about much else in the face of that.
After recovering Armin's body from his titan form, the survivors had retreated to the top of the wall to take stock of the damage and figure out what next. Not that many of them were being very useful in that regard, choosing instead to cluster around Armin's sleeping body as if their presence would make him wake up any faster.
Except for Mikasa, who instead sat 100 meters down the wall, cradling her knees into her chest. Levi sighed. He had all but forgotten about what had happened, but she clearly hadn't.
"Oi," he nudged her back with the toe of his boot. "Stop sulking. Armin is going to be fine." She didn't say anything; wouldn't even look at him. Levi heaved a big sigh and sat down beside her, dangling his legs over her past home, now in utter ruins, if not from the initial attack on then certainly from the most recent battle. "You won. Your friend gets a second chance at life, so why are you moping like this?"
"Why?" she repeated incredulously, pulling her knees tighter into her chest. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Levi bristled at the phrase. Mikasa wasn't one to throw around expletives like that. She wasn't him. "You think any of this makes me happy? Yeah, Armin gets to live but at what price?! Commander Erwin is dead. My best friend gets to live at the cost of yours, at the cost of our commander! I made a selfish choice that could have potentially just doomed us all, so excuse me if I don't see this as a victory."
"Please, Captain, just let go!" Mikasa's desperate, strangled voice as she clawed at the syringe case in his case still haunted him. If Hange hadn't shown up when she did and swiftly immobilized Mikasa, Levi honestly wasn't sure what she would have done. Would she have killed him for Armin? "He's special!" No doubt more special than a piss-poor captain like himself.
No, she wouldn't have killed him. He could see it in her eyes. He knew her well enough to spot the resolve from the bluster. But for a second there, he did believe she might do it. And he might have been glad for it. To be spared another moment of this worthless existence. To not have to choose between killing his own best friend and having her see him as her best friend's killer for the rest of their pathetic, miserable lives.
"None of this is your fault. I made that choice, Mikasa. I made the selfish choice to spare Erwin more pain of bringing him back to this Hell world. I made the choice to spare you more pain." Once again, Levi had no idea if he had done the right thing or the selfish thing or if the two even had to be mutually exclusive. All he could do now was make the best of the decision he made.
"And what about your pain?"
"Pain is all I've ever known," he said grimly, not in a self-pitying way, but just as though he was stating an irrefutable fact. "I can handle it."
"I almost killed you, Levi," she whispered, horror-stricken as if just now realizing. "You. I thought about it. I saw myself slicing your throat open."
"Not the first time a girl has tried to kill me." His weak attempt at a joke fell flat, so he tried to change the subject. "You're hurt." He nodded to the bloody left arm she cradled into her chest, collateral from her failed thunder stick strike.
"It's nothing."
"You should let me look. Make sure there's no shrapnel in there. Not like we're going anywhere until Armin wakes up." He reached for her arm, but she snatched it away.
"Just…don't…Captain. I can't do this right now," she said softly and got up to leave.
Captain. Not Levi. "Mikasa!" he called after her. "Don't let this eat you alive. Trust me, I know how easy it is to let the darkness win. You're better than that."
"No, I'm not, and I wish you'd stop saying it. I'm not better than anyone. I'm just a lowly soldier whose best purpose is as titan fodder. Everyone would have been better off if you'd just let Annie have me." She wouldn't look at him, but before she stormed off, Levi could have sworn he saw tears dripping off her chin.
"Fuck's sake," he muttered softly. Erwin and his damn gambles.
He had gambled one last time on Levi making the right choice with the serum. The worst part was Levi would never know on which outcome Erwin had placed his bet, and thus he would never know if Erwin was a winning man to the end, or had finally lost in the most spectacular of ways.