A/N: Woof! Second longest chapter so far, but one of the most fun ones in terms of writing.

Warning: This chapter contains the first lemon of the fic! Please review and let me know how I did. I generally try to keep things tasteful while still being a touch spicy, so I'd love to hear if you felt like I achieved that balance.

Disclaimer: I do not own AOT/SNK or any of the characters used in this fic.

CHAPTER 9: PLAYING WITH FIRE

Mikasa had vanished from the party, but Levi instructed Eren to stay put and keep quiet about his missing counterpart. "You guys are still technically in custody. Don't need to cause a fuss because she's missing," he had told him, though Eren was too drunk by that point to pay much mind.

Levi had been searching for the better part of an hour and hadn't found her anywhere, meaning she'd probably wandered off outside. He just hoped she wasn't going to do something stupid.

"Tch. Brat is going to make me go hunting for her all night outside in the cold," he muttered angrily to himself as he trudged back to his room to get his cape. But upon opening the door to his quarters, any irritation Levi felt fizzled and went out, because there she was, curled up his bed. Her back was to him and her black hair sprawled across his pillow.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" The words came out far harsher than Levi intended, but he couldn't take them back. Mikasa sat upright and stared at him. "You look surprised to see me, even though you're the one in my room uninvited."

"I just… didn't know where else to go to be alone. But I'll go, I'm sorry."

"Stay," he said, plopping down beside her on the bed. "It's fine."

"No, I should really go. I don't want to impose–" she moved to leave but Levi caught her wrist.

"Stay," he said again, with the firmness of someone who was too accustomed to giving orders. But this wasn't an order, just a foolish request by a foolish man who softened and tried again "Please, I want you to stay."

You are playing a dangerous game here, Levi, he told himself.

Mikasa opened her mouth as if to say something, but her jaw slackened and she closed it slowly, sinking back down on the edge of the bed beside him.

"About you not eating…it's because of what you found out in Grisha Jaeger's journals, isn't it? About anyone who inherits the power of the Nine having thirteen years to live."

She was quiet for a long time, mulling over to express her feelings in a way that didn't make her seem like an immature child in front of her captain. "I know it's stupid of me. I joined the Scouts knowing I could lose them any day. Hell, at the rate we're dropping people, I'll be lucky if they make it eight years. But somehow the idea of losing them in battle tomorrow hurts less than the idea of them wasting away toward a ticking clock. At least out there, I can say I tried to protect them, but there's nothing I can do about this."

"You can protect them for whatever time they have left, that's all you can do."

"It's not enough," she whispered.

"Then you're going to have to find a way to reconcile that within yourself. You want my advice? Nevermind, don't answer that. I'm giving it to you anyway." He gently placed a hand under her chin and tilted her face to his. He needed her to look at him, to see how much he needed her to follow this advice, if not for her sake, then his. She wasn't the only one capable of making selfish requests. "Just let go," he said, echoing the words she had cried to him while trying to pry the serum from his fingers. While leveling her blade at his throat. "Here and now. Everything you feel. Because if you keep holding all that in, it's going to rip you apart from the inside. Let it go," and as an afterthought, added, "That's an order."

His last words broke her completely. She wasn't sure what it was about them, but they tore something loose from deep within her gut and everything–all the pain, the guilt, the self-doubt, the fear–she had been stewing in for the last month broke loose.

It felt like a boulder the size of the one Eren had used to plug Wall Rose had been sitting on her chest for a month and suddenly shattered, releasing everything it had stymied, like stitching being ripped from a fresh wound. Her body withered into a fetal position on the bed as tears gushed from her eyes and she screamed into Levi's pillow, a sound so raw and unfiltered that Levi's own chest tightened upon hearing it.

If there was any shame to be felt in such a manic display in front of Levi, it was buried so deeply beneath everything else she couldn't feel it.

She utterly lost track of time—pain had a way of doing that—but when she started to calm down, when there was nothing left inside her to emote, she realized Levi had been rubbing small, soothing circles across her back. "Good girl," he said softly.

Mikasa drew in a big breath and hiccuped another small sob before pushing herself up. She felt dizzy, though that was just as likely from the fact that she'd been starving herself as it was because of the energy she had just expended expelling every last emotion from her body. Once the world stopped spinning a bit, she angled herself toward Levi, still sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand loosely clasping hers, his thumb scaling the mountains and valleys of her scarred knuckles.

"I just…don't want to be alone. My whole life, it's been those two. Only those two. Without them, I have nothing."

"That's bullshit," Levi said, with more bite than either of them expected. Her words made him angry, perhaps irrationally so. How dare she think she was alone when he was sitting right here beside her? Then again, I haven't given her much reason to think I'll stick around, he mentally kicked himself.

Making a conscious effort to soften his next words, he said, "You won't be alone. I won't let you be." He tilted her chin up and forced her to look into his eyes. He needed her to know how much he meant this. "I won't ever leave you alone, Mikasa." It was a stupid promise to make, one they both knew was hardly in his power to keep or break.

Suddenly, she was kissing him, deeply, desperately. Without pulling her lips entirely from his, she pleaded with him. "Then don't let me be alone right now. Make me forget everything. I don't want to feel anything but you. Even if it's just for tonight, Levi. Please."

He shuddered at the haunting way she said his name and choked out that last word, ashamed at how much her desperation turned him on. It took everything Levi had to create a little distance between them.

"Mikasa, we shouldn't. Especially not now."

Tears welled up in her eyes again, surprising them both that she could possibly still muster more. "If you don't want me, Levi, I wish you would just tell me. I can handle–"

He crushed his lips against hers to silence her for five glorious seconds, tasting the salt of the tears that had tumbled down her cheeks and onto her lips, then pulled away. He looked deep into her piercing slate eyes, eyes that always reminded Levi of a stormy sky, which was probably the aptest depiction of her mind.

"That's not it. You have to know that's not it at all, Mikasa...I want nothing but you. When I'm alone with you, it takes everything I have not to kiss every inch of you, not to…" he trailed off, ashamed at the admission of his weakness

"Then why don't you? Why won't you when I'm asking you to do that very thing?"

"Because I know about unhealthy copes. Better than most. I know how tempting it is to drown your feelings in liquor, violence, sex, whatever, and I don't want you to do something you'll regret just because you're in pain. I–I couldn't bear it if I fuck this up because of that." Yes, he wanted her so badly it was agonizing, but he didn't want her if she only wanted him for the wrong reasons.

"I'm not a child, Levi. I may be young but I know what I want. Yes, I want this right now, but I don't only want it right now. I've wanted you ever since you kissed me and I'm taking advantage of the fact that I'm too damn tired of being sad to come up with some bullshit reason why not tonight." She kissed him again, a tender and persuasive gesture. "Besides, you promised last time that it would be continued."

She must have made a convincing argument. That or Levi was weaker than he even thought, because he found himself kissing her, wrapping his arms selfishly around her body. She was giving herself to him and God damn it if he wasn't going to take as much as she was willing to offer.

Levi wasn't sure how it had happened, but suddenly they were both shirtless and Mikasa was wriggling out of her dress uniform trousers, too. She had turned her attention to Levi's pants when a sudden flurry of anxiety shivered down Levi's spine and a voice of reason whispered that he needed to slow down. She undid his belt and peeled the pants down over his hips.

"Hold on," he commanded, but halfheartedly at best. She must have heard his hesitation, too, because she didn't stop, pulling off one leg, then the other. "Hey." Her hand found his length and started slowly pumping up and down. "Mikasa," he groaned, quickly losing hold on the memory of why he even wanted her to stop in the first place. "Mikasa, stop!" He grabbed her wrist and stilled her hand. "Look at me."

She did, giving him a lidded glance upward through the black straggles of hair hanging in front of her eyes. He brushed them aside so he could see her, all of her. Her dark eyes glinted against the candlelight, and in them, Levi could see all the things she usually kept hidden: lust, desperation, excitement, and just a little bit of fear, if he wasn't mistaken.

"Are you sure about this?" In answer, she tried to kiss him again but he held her back firmly. "Answer with words. I just… I need to hear that this is what you want. Not just what I want."

She smiled and touched his cheek. "Levi," the way she practically purred his name sent a jolt of electricity down his spine. She grabbed his hand and moved it down between her legs, moving the crotch of her panties aside. God, she was wet. "Yes, I want this. I want you. And I want you to have me."

He relaxed his grip and let their lips collide once more, as he leaned all of his weight over Mikasa and slowly laid her back on the mattress. He removed her panties in one quick motion and poised himself between her legs.

"Have you ever done this before?" She paused, contemplating telling him she had to ease his mind. "And don't lie," he said reading her mind. Finally, she shook her head. "It's going to hurt at first, but it won't last long, from what I've been told." He had been Petra's first, too. "I'll try to be gentle. Just say the word if you want me to stop," he said, stroking her hair and secretly hoping he'd be able to. "You don't have to act tough. Not here."

He positioned himself before her opening and slowly began pushing himself in.

The feeling of her surrounding him made him instantly high, a rush of opium in his veins that dulled out everything in the world except for her. He needed more of it and pushed in further, a little too far too fast. A sharp breath drew him out of his sex-induced stupor. Right. He needed to stay focused and not let himself get overwhelmed by her… not until she wanted him to.

He opened his eyes to see her face screwed up in pain and began to pull out. Suddenly, she grabbed his hips and held him in place. "No. I'm fine. I just…need a minute."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, stroking her hair as her breathing settled and she felt her muscles relax around him. Her hands pulled at his hips, signaling she was ready for more. Levi inched himself deeper until he was almost all the way in and a small, strangled cry escaped her lips.

Again, panic gushed through Levi's veins. "We can stop, Mikasa."

"No!" she hissed breathlessly. "Please, don't stop." It was then Levi realized she hadn't cried out in pain, at least not entirely, but in pleasure as well.

All the self-control that Levi had been maintaining evaporated upon hearing her plea and he moved his mouth hungrily to her neck, mawing on the soft skin impulsively. His lips moved from her neck down to her chest, taking one of her erect nipples in his mouth and suckling it gently. She writhed under him, arching her back to press herself closer to his burning skin.

All the while, he pushed in and out, slowly and rhythmically. On one particularly deep thrust, a sensual moan escaped from Mikasa's lips. Shyly, she blushed and attempted to stifle the sound with her palm, but Levi moved it away, as cute as the gesture was. "I want to hear you," he said gutturally, repeating the slow, purposeful motion until another moan burst from her mouth, making every damn one of Levi's nerves go wild.

An overwhelming pressure was already building within him. He wasn't going to last long, he knew that much, but he sure as Hell wanted to make sure he lasted long enough to give her something to feel good about. Lord knew she needed it. He scooped his arms under the arch of her back and hoisted her torso toward him. It felt light, much lighter than it should have. At this angle, his pubic bone pressed into her most sensitive spot and she gasped as he moved her hips in slow circles against his own.

A knock came on the door and Levi froze. "I swear to fucking God," he muttered. "What?!"

"Captain Levi, sir, we can't find Mikasa Ackerman and it's time for them to return to their cells."

The irony of him being interrupted yet again for that was almost funny. Almost.

"I'm almost positive I know where she is." He yelped that last word as she pushed herself deeper on him, nipping at his earlobe. Not fucking helping. "I'll find her and return her to her cell. Get to bed, soldier." Levi waited a few moments until the footsteps had long disappeared down the hall before returning his attention to Mikasa. At least, if nothing else, the interruption had disturbed his rhythm enough that he might last a little longer.

Levi moved his hand to her mound, experimenting with different rhythms until Mikasa hissed in pleasure. They had stopped kissing, he realized through his foggy brain, their mouths now simply open against each other, lapping in the exhales of the other.

The feeling of her, rocking her hips against his, the sound of her breath rattling in his ear, the soft, whispered yesses that urged him on—it was all too much and yet somehow not enough. Levi wanted to capture this feeling forever.

Suddenly, her walls contracted around him and Mikasa let out a strangled cry of ecstasy. Levi's own pleasure erupted and he pulled himself out quickly and unloaded into whatever nearby garment he could grab. He may have been playing a dangerous game, but he didn't need to be stupid about it.

Afterward, Mikasa blissfully curled around Levi's body, one leg intertwined between his, head resting in the crook of his shoulder, and one hand draped across his chest, drawing slow circles on his skin.

Levi couldn't remember a single time he had been so happy.

Mikasa looked into his face. "You don't look miserable for once. I take it that means I was alright?"

Levi chuckled, a deep rumbling that vibrated pleasantly through Mikasa's chest pressed tightly against his. "More than just alright, brat. Much more." He kissed the top of her head. "Can I ask you something?" He took her silence as an invitation to go ahead. "What about Eren? I always thought…"

This time, it was Mikasa's turn to laugh, a beautiful, rare sound Levi could listen to on repeat. "Are you jealous, Captain?" She laughed again, taking his angsty silence as a yes. "You all just assumed I love Eren in that way, but I don't. I…I can't really explain how I feel about him. He's my brother, sure, but it's more than that. But also not quite… this."

"So I've been holding back for no reason?"

"Hmm…" the humming of her chest sent tickles down Levi's arms. "Somehow I don't think Eren was the reason you hadn't done this before." Always too smart for her own good, he mused, silently running his fingertips up and down her arm. "My turn to ask you something."

"And if I don't want to answer?"

"I answered yours. Fair's fair."

"I'm your Captain. I don't have to play fair. I don't even have to let you ask." Then he kissed her, long and slow.

"You play dirty," she said, smiling against his lips.

"Well if you're going to insult my honor…" he kissed her again, "I guess I have no choice but to answer."

"You never told me. About how you came to join the Scouts. Why?"

"Don't take it personally. I've never told anyone."

"So why announce it tonight? In front of everyone?"

He signed. "Hell if I know. I guess…with so few of us remaining, it felt like the right time to let go of the past so we can usher in a new future. It's what he would have wanted."

"And the friends you mention who joined with you?"

Levi fidgeted uncomfortably beneath her., allowing a pregnant pause to fill the room. She was testing the waters, he knew. The question was, how far was he ready to let her wade in? Before the question had fully formed in Levi's conscious mind, his subconscious one already knew the answer, whether he liked it or not.

"Farlan and Isabel. They were in the underground with me, part of my gang, I guess you could call it. We were essentially criminals for hire, so when Erwin tracked me down, those two just got pulled into my shit. So of course, it was them who paid the ultimate price for it, not me."

Once again, Mikasa caught a glimpse of the crushing guilt the captain kept so proficiently tucked away from others could see.

"Were you and Isabel…you know…"

"Are you jealous, Ackerman?" he mimicked her coyly, raising an eyebrow. Mikasa blushed deeply and buried her face in his chest. "And no. Isabel was like my little sister. Total pain in the ass." Mikasa was quiet, embarrassed she had let Levi see her in something so ugly as jealousy. "That was more than one question, you know. Now we're uneven again. What do you plan on doing about that?"

"I'll make it up to you," she promised, pressing her lips into the hollow of his throat. Levi's breath shuddered and he felt a fresh rush of desire floor through him. Suddenly, she pulled away and sat up, her raven back hair falling to frame her face. "But later." She slipped out of bed. "It's almost dawn. You have to lock me back up before everyone's up."

"Now who's the one playing dirty?" he said, propping himself up on his elbow as he watched her scramble around the room for her discarded clothing.

Levi, you bastard, I don't know how you lucked into this, he thought, his eyes sliding up and down her naked figure, taking in what he'd been a little too preoccupied to fully appreciate before. There was no doubt she had lost a lot of weight, her ribs and hipbones far more visible than the last time he had seen her so bare. Even still, she was beautiful.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to wear your shirt," he said apologetically, gesturing to where it was wadded in a damp pile next to the bed. "Here. You can have one of mine," he got up and pulled one out of the wardrobe.

Though Levi wasn't a large man by any means, he was built a bit sturdier than she, so the tunic sagged a bit around her arms and torso, but given how much her own clothing was sagging on her these days, she doubted anyone would notice.

As she finished buttoning it up, his eyes fell on a large, ever-darkening bruise on her neck. "You're going to want to keep that scarf on for the next few days," he warned her, for once thankful for the filthy thing. She looked at him puzzled, then whipped around to examine her neck in the mirror.

Her face reddened in embarrassment. "Got a little carried away there, huh Captain?"

He winced at the word, reminding him of who he was supposed to be to her and how fucked up it was that they were here, doing this. "Just Levi," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. "When we're alone like this, please call me Levi."

"Levi," she repeated, such a small word uttered in a way that contained so much.

She turned to face him, finding he had her scarf in his hands. Slowly, he coiled it around her neck. That feeling… It was so familiar. So much like home. Part of her felt guilty, as if she was somehow betraying Eren for letting anyone else wrap her scarf around her. The other part of her relished in what felt like finding something she never knew she was missing.

"You ready?" She nodded and he pulled her into a deep kiss. "Just do me a favor. Start eating, would you? I'd rather you not be more of a skeleton by the next time we do this."

"Next time, huh? What makes you so sure there'll be a next time" she teased, walking out the door of his room, but not before peeking to make sure the coast was clear.

"You still have a debt to repay, Ackerman, and I always settle my accounts," he whispered into her ear before smacking her lightly on the ass to move her along.

Levi wasn't even the one going back to being behind bars, but still, it was going to be one hell of a long week.