Mace Windu had a headache.
The presence of the Sith in their midst was something that none of them could have been prepared for. What made that worse, though, and what caused the pounding in his skull, was the way that they had been so easily swayed by him. The Sith had said nothing, but the palpable rage and hate that had bubbled up from him had been so strong it was intoxicating.
It had been intoxicating enough that Mace had found himself with his lightsaber held out and ready to execute the man before him without proper trial or attempt to question.
Mace had never lost control like that, had never found himself so ready to take a life without proper avenues being taken that it rattled him. He breathed it in and breathed it out. He would be spending a long time in meditation to control this feeling, but for now they would discuss what must be done.
The Force had been very clear with what it wanted, of course. Had made it known to them that this Sith was to be kept alive, and possibly…changed, healed. Perhaps they could find a way to cut the infection out, return him to the light. Mace couldn't understand why they would have been forced to spare him otherwise.
Their ultimate goal, at least as Mace saw it, should be rehabilitation.
Plo had been quick to volunteer to stay until the prisoner woke up, as had Eeth, and as they were the two that had been the least affected by the Sith's presence, they had agreed. Eeth in particular would be able to tell if there were distinct issues with their guest that were Zabrak in nature, which, while he was technically from Dathomir and therefore a Nightbrother, there were enough similarities in physiology to make things familiar.
The Council members left their two comrades behind to guard the prison that had not been in use in so long that it was somehow unsettling to know that it was occupied once more. They made their way back to the Council chamber by riding the special lift that was only accessible to Council members and their Padawans – should they have them – and took their seats, for a moment breathing in the stillness.
The headache was still pulsing between his ears, but as Mace took a deep breath and cleared all thoughts from his mind it drifted, ebbed, and finally vanished altogether.
They had not been prepared for the influence of the Sith. Now that they knew that it was a problem, they would be ready for it.
Mace would not lose control like that again.
There was a pause before finally, softly, "Trained, the boy should be…" Yoda said, his voice certain, and Mace found himself bowing his head.
"Agreed," he said. "If he could feel the Force crying out that clearly without training…"
"He's too old…" Ki-Adi-Mundi disagreed softly, frowning. "It is not that I don't think he's powerful enough, or that he does not have natural talent…we are talking about removing the boy from his mother. Would he be willing to accept that?"
"He's afraid," Kit Fisto agreed, frowning, but there was a thoughtful look on his face. "And he does have an attachment to his mother, but he is not the only Jedi that had deep attachment. If it is made his decision…"
"Things we must discuss, with young Skywalker," Yoda agreed softly with a nod. "But discussed they should be. Explain things to him, we should have. Failure, on our parts, that we did not."
"But who would we Apprentice him to should he choose to follow this path?"
There was a pause, a soft hum coming from Yaddle as she laced her fingers together, looking down. "When does Obi-Wan take his trials, perhaps, the question should be?"
"You think he is ready?" Yarael Poof asked.
"You don't?" Yaddle returned, a delicate raising of her brow showing her skepticism as she looked to the Quermian. Yarael demurred with a slight nod of his head, his long neck bowing low.
"You are right. I do think he is ready."
"And if Knighted Obi-Wan is…"
"Qui-Gon becomes free."
Mace Windu wanted to laugh. Qui-Gon had asked for them to allow him to train the boy before, and they had said no. Here they suddenly were, circling right back to the beginning of the argument and finding themselves with the answer that was both obvious and more than a little amusing, at least to him.
As this was thought, as it was deliberated, and there was a soft agreement that murmured among them, Mace came to realize that there was something that he could feel humming amongst them brighter than it had in what felt like years.
The Force was in agreement.
So. The boy was to be trained, Obi-Wan was to undergo the trials, and the Sith was to be…redeemed? Reclaimed?
Either way, they were now a part of a package deal.
Where this deal would take them, Windu didn't know, but he could only hope that it was brighter than it had been.
Anakin stood between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, once again staring at the entrance to the Council chambers and about to stare into his future.
This time, however, the cold, the fear that had so bothered him when he first stood before this door, had faded. Instead, Anakin felt…calm. The feeling before, the sheer frantic desperation of getting to the Slave had faded completely, and instead, Anakin felt at peace. Qui-Gon squeezed his shoulder as the door swung open, and the three of them entered. Master Yoda and the one to his left still stared at them from their position at the front, and Anakin found himself looking around, realizing that two of their number had left. One of them had looked like the Slave that had been kneeling, minus the distinct coloration, so he wondered if they were watching over the prisoner.
Anakin supposed it made sense.
Anakin bowed with the other two, before straightening.
The pause was broken when Obi-Wan was gestured forward.
"The trials, you are ready to take, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan bowed low, and Anakin could feel little bubbles in the Force, rising around him, shimmering and dancing.
He thought it might be happiness.
Obi-Wan seemed to breathe the bubbles to him, before slowly breathing them out, and they faded.
Anakin was amazed, he had never seen that before. What had changed? Was it following the Force as it called to him? Was it the fact that he knew Obi-Wan more? Either way, he could see them as they vanished. He wondered if that was how they could read his own emotions but found himself dismissing it. Anakin was happy for him, even if Obi-Wan couldn't hold onto the emotion for long.
And then they turned to him, and Anakin took a breath.
"Become a Jedi Knight, would you, if you had to lose your mother?"
Anakin had not been expecting that question.
"I don't understand, sir," he said softly. "What would happen to my mom?"
There was a quiet hum.
"Nothing, but you would not be allowed to see her."
"…Why, sir?" Anakin asked softly, his voice breaking slightly.
There was a pause and then the man who had been about to kill the Slave, the one with the purple lightsaber let out a quiet sigh. "You saw the Sith today," he said, and it was not a question, but those sharp eyes stared at him for long enough that Anakin gave a nod. "You felt him, the rage and the fear he had."
"Yes," Anakin nodded.
"There are other ways that lead to the Dark Side than fear. One of those is the loss of attachments, which we alluded to you before, though perhaps it should have been spoken with more frankness," the Cerean said softly, drawing his attention. "It was wrong to speak to you as though you have been among our ranks since you were small, and that is part of the problem," the smile that he gave him was gentle, his brows pinching in a way that might have been sympathetic. "You are attached to your mother. You have always had her with you, and now that you have walked into a position where you could lose her, you are feeling…?"
Anakin took this in for a moment, thinking about his mother, thinking of what he would do if he actually lost her. What would he do? "I understand, sir," he said finally. "You fear that there is a higher probability that I would become like the Sith you have imprisoned due to my attachments."
Yoda gave a quiet chuckle, smiling at him, and Anakin found himself smiling back slightly, recognizing that his word usage had been caught.
"There is danger in this, yes," the Quermian said simply, his head tilting on its extremely long neck.
"A Slave, you were," Yoda said softly, and his expression had softened noticeably, Anakin feeling a gentle wave of something like regret and something like apology. "To become a Jedi…true freedom you will not find, not if freedom is doing what you want."
"A Jedi is a conduit to the Force," the Tholothian said then, and her voice was gentle as she looked at him, her brows lightly pinched. "You followed its will today, Anakin," she said, and her voice was so soft, "Would you be willing to follow its will in everything? Would you be able to trust it to not lead you wrong?"
Anakin was quiet, taking this in, and there was the start of something ugly curling in his gut.
"Would I be able to go back and free the slaves?" Anakin asked softly.
There was a long pause.
"As Jedi our reach is not that broad," the female human said then, and her voice was soft, and there was something so sad in it, something that reached out and touched his heart, that bled for him. It faded just as quickly, but it had been there, Anakin had felt it. "We are for the Republic, and we protect the Republic and its people, and Slavery is often simply beyond our range. We do not have the numbers, nor the resources to end it, not truly." She took a breath, "however," she said, and her eyebrows quirked slightly as she looked to the one on her right. Whatever she communicated was not aloud, for Anakin did not hear, but the man bowed his head. "I see no reason why we cannot free your mother."
Anakin took this in for a moment, and there was something swelling up in his chest, something wonderful and wild, but then it curdled. "Not my friends? Not my people?"
There was a soft hum then, and Anakin looked to Yoda once again. "A good question this was," he smiled.
"A…a test," Anakin said softly, realization ringing through him. "That was a test."
"Yes," came the quiet agreement, "do you understand why it was necessary?"
It tasted bitter on his tongue as he stared at the ones that stared back at him, their expressions so calm. It hurt. "Yes," he finally said softly, and that hurt more. "You fight for all of the Republic. That's why my attachment to my mother is dangerous, it might blind me to everyone else. But…but it didn't. Even if my mother was free…Kitster and…and all my other people, all of them…" he trailed off. "It didn't."
"No," the Thisspiasian agreed, and there was a smile hiding within his beard. "And that is important young one."
"But you…you can't free them at all?"
There was a long pause. "We can free your mother, and we can free a certain number, but our resources are limited, our budgets are limited. In order to find true freedom, Tatooine must be liberated in a way that the Jedi cannot do openly. It would invite war. But we can plan, we can find other ways to free them, than outright hostility. It will take time, though, Anakin. Would you have the patience for this? Would you trust us?"
Anakin took this in for a moment, thinking, before nodding sharply.
"Thank you, we do," Yoda said, leaning back into his chair, a smile on his face. "And apologize, we do, for the question and what it did."
Anakin nodded his head once, taking a breath and breathing it out. "Why do they call you Master?"
"A good question, this is," and Anakin turned to the female who looked like Yoda, her face pulled into a smile, her brown hair tucked behind her ears. "Something good at, you are? Something you do which no one else can?"
"I'm the only human that can podrace," Anakin returned immediately.
"Then to learn, to you we would go? A Master at racing pods, would you be?"
Anakin blinked. "You mean 'Master' as in someone who has 'mastered' their craft."
"Yes," the Cerean said with a nod. "It is a term of respect, of honor, recognizing them for their accomplishments and recognizing that we still have room to be taught. There is a certain level of power they have over the other, but it is power that will be shared, will be taught. Do you understand? It is not that any one of us owns another, it is merely recognizing that the one that we are speaking to knows more, that they have knowledge that they can give to us still."
Anakin felt a rush of realization run through him. "Anyone can obtain the role of Master, and as a Master it is your job to share your knowledge so they can become Master, and so teach the next."
"Yes," and the smile he was given from the human woman was warm, "perhaps you would prefer Teacher as a synonym. In the end our roles are much the same. The Council is a bit different, as we do make choices that the other Jedi will follow, but we are elected to our roles, and similarly we can be removed from them. We are not placed upon pedestals that cannot be broken. We do not own anyone in this room."
Anakin felt something unclench within him, breathing it out easily, and taking another breath shakily. "I understand," he said finally. "I…" he took another breath, thinking over everything. "This is my choice," he said finally, quietly, looking at them with wide eyes. "You…you are letting me make the choice."
"An informed choice, we would make it," Yoda agreed.
"One where you knew what you were getting into. We want you to understand that you would be giving yourself to a life of service to others, and to understand what this means. That it is not something you are selling yourself into, nor is it something we are forcing you into. It is something that you will choose to do. You will choose to take the steps to become a Jedi, to become someone who lives for the Force and the Republic and the people within it."
"There is wonderful satisfaction in it, there is wonderful peace to be found, but it is nonetheless service, and it has to be something that you willingly step up towards."
"The Chosen One you may be, but there is no reason to not let you choose this path." The man with the purple lightsaber took a breath, staring at him, "I would prefer that you chose this path, or chose not to take this path. I understand that there are those within this room that would prefer you to simply be trained without question, but I do not think that it would be fair to you. I want to give you freedom, Anakin. Freedom to choose, and I do not think that you have that freedom if you are not aware of what you are getting into. Do you understand?"
Anakin nodded, "I do," he said, and his voice was firm, his heart swelling in his chest. "I do understand."
"Understand do you, that the life of a Jedi is service?"
"Willing to serve, would you be?"
Anakin hesitated, closing his eyes. "What is the relationship between a Master and their Apprentice?"
"Your Master would teach you," the Iktotchi said, his fingers lacing together, "they would be listened to, and respected. You would follow their orders, but what their orders were, how they were given would differ depending on the Jedi. However, one thing needs to be understood, they would also listen to you, guide you. Their role is not to remain in power over you, it is to teach you what they know so you may eventually become Brothers and Sisters in the Force. Their orders would be to direct you, not control you, so you may eventually find your own wisdom and your own path. Do you understand?"
"I do," Anakin agreed softly. "It's…it's about respect, but it's not about domination."
"Yes," came the agreement from the Tholothian, and she smiled at him. "Our order is meant to protect, to guide, and to help. That includes the ones under our roof, under our tutelage. In choosing to become a Jedi you would also be protecting, guiding, and helping. It is service."
"But it's service that I choose, that I…that I would want to give."
"Would you want to give it?"
"Would you want to swear yourself to the following of this order?"
"You also must understand that you will be at a disadvantage. Chosen One or not, your upbringing has been very different to every other Youngling within these walls. This is not a bad thing, to be clear, we do not doubt that your mother did all that she could for you, that she loved you, but your upbringing will still have been very different, some of our ways will be strange, and there is a likelihood that the other Younglings will not understand."
"It may be isolating in ways you are not prepared for, but we will do our best to help."
"This is for you to decide, Anakin. If you would prefer to think upon this…" there was a pause, "I understood that you have dreamed of becoming a Jedi, but dreams are often unable to reflect the true reality of a situation. Do you see how your dreams differ?"
"I do, sir," Anakin replied softly, his head swirling with thoughts. "I…" he took a breath. "I want to help people. I want to protect and help and teach. I have always wanted to help, sir, and I…" he hesitated.
"There are other ways to do this than become a Jedi. I am not saying this to discourage you, I want you to understand this. We have decided that we would teach you, that you would be allowed to become a Jedi, but we wish to make sure that you understand what this means. You have passed the test, Anakin, I want you to understand this. If you choose some other destiny, some other purpose, it is a choice in every way that matters, for you had the choice. Our Order is open to you, as are the other paths you may choose to walk. We will help you start down them. You would not be returned to Tatooine a failure. If you decide not to accept, we will find a way to free your mother and get you both enough credits to make your own life elsewhere. Either way we will free your mother. Do not let the fear for her wellbeing control your decision, let it be alleviated."
Anakin felt the balloon in his chest swell, something hopeful and beautiful and bright. He closed his eyes, trying to push past his roaring feelings to figure out what he thought, what he wanted.
"Time, you have, to decide," Yoda said softly. "A decision now, you need not make. Take time. Think."
"Yes, Master," Anakin returned automatically.
"Ah," Yoda said, holding a finger up to him, "Teacher, you may call me."
Anakin thought he was going to cry, and he bowed his head, too thankful to find the words.
"Take him, Master Qui-Gon," Yoda said, looking to him, and Anakin felt the familiar rise in his chest, realizing the respect that was in the words, awe filling him at the realization that Yoda, the highest in the Council, referred to Qui-Gon as 'Master.' "Guide his thoughts, but do not order him. Know we do, your position on his destiny, but it is his choice we would hear."
"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon returned, bowing low, and looked to Obi-Wan and Anakin himself. "When will the Trials be held?"
"Three days we will grant you," the brown-haired Teacher said, and her smile was warm. "This long you may take to decide, or sooner, or later, think well, Skywalker," she said, and her eyes were warm when they focused on Anakin's. He bowed, and they turned, leaving the Council.
Anakin walked out with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, taking a breath that tasted more of freedom than he had ever known.
Maul woke up in a cell.
Maul had been waking up in cells his entire life, so this was nothing new. The only difference was the type of cell he would wake up in, so with this in mind, Maul carefully sat up, and the first thing he realized was he was on a bed. Not just any bed, but a bed with a pillow, and a blanket at that. He sat up slowly, looking at it, and then turned his attention out. The ray shield was something he had expected, as were the cameras he could see pointing in at him. The chair, the bound flimsiplast, the dresser, and the plant was not.
Maul stood up carefully, feeling the blankets fall to the ground and there was that idle disbelief at the fact that they had tucked him in.
The last thing he could properly register was the collar around his neck felt different to the one that he had been placed in before, and then he heard a quiet, "Ah, you are awake."
Maul's attention turned to the Kel Dor and the Zabrak that were both waiting outside of his cell. His lip curled into a reflexive sneer and he walked closer to the ray shield. Idly, Maul found himself looking the two of them over and thinking of the ways that he could kill them.
The Kel Dor's breathing mask was an obvious weakness, tear that off and he'd suffocate in the oxygen-rich atmosphere. The Zabrak did not have as many obvious weaknesses, but nonetheless Maul would not have any trouble debilitating him. Strike the nerve bundle under the arm, duck in, elbow to back of neck…
"I do not suppose you are hungry?" the Zabrak asked, and Maul's train of thought momentarily skipped.
What?
"We recognize that you have been without food for at least two days, considering how long it took them to take you from Naboo for Coruscant and how long it took for you to stand trial," the Kel Dor said. "So, we have actually taken the liberty of bringing you something to eat."
So, saying, the Zabrak brought a bowl over towards the ray shield. There was a platform no more than thirty centimeters wide jutting out of the wall about waist height, with a metal grid in a square above it. Before he put the bowl on the platform and slid it through, the Zabrak took the spoon and brought it to his lips, blowing to cool it before taking a bite. Maul watched as he swallowed, before putting it onto the platform and after pressing the button to deactivate the ray shield within that small space, shoved it through, before closing it once again.
Maul stared at the bowl for a moment and finally walked towards it. There were two ways he could handle this, he supposed. He could dump the bowl and show his disdain for them, or he could take it, nourish himself and, more importantly, nourish their compassion.
Compassion was a weakness, and it was one that he was very willing to exploit.
Maul picked the bowl up and carefully took a bite, finding it rich in protein and some form of root vegetable that, judging by the fact that his fellow Zabrak had been able to eat it, would likely be palatable to his own carnivorous appetite.
"Good!" the Kel Dor said with what may have been a smile. Maul did not say anything. "My name is Master Plo Koon. This is Master Eeth Koth."
Maul did not care.
"May we have your name?" the Zabrak asked.
Maul said nothing.
There was a pause as the two of them looked at him, before the Kel Dor nodded his head once.
"You will be receiving food three times a day," the Kel Dor said. "You may request datapads that contain history of the Jedi and the Sith, and other light reading if you would prefer. For now, you will be unable to access the holonet, and you will not be allowed to contact anyone outside these walls. Eventually, provided you display good enough behavior, you may be escorted to certain levels of the Temple. You will always be guarded, and the cameras will always be filming. There are also censors within your cell that will alert us should anything be tampered with. There is a refresher within your cell that you can utilize, and we have provided a few changes of clothes. Unfortunately, we did not have any black, but this can be changed, I am sure."
Maul blinked.
The Kel Dor gave another one of his odd smiles.
"You have been seen to by a medical droid to correct the damage that was done," the Zabrak frowned. "The collar has also been changed. You will not be able to tap into the Force at all. Any attempts will be flowed from you, instead of the original collar which was a lot less…subtle." The Zabrak's frown deepened. "I also want you to know that we know that you are juvenile," he said finally.
Maul sneered.
The Zabrak gave a slight grin. "You will be taken care of," he said, "whether you like it or not at this point. You do not need to worry about your status as Sith, it will not sway our decision. The Council has deemed that they will rehabilitate, at least for now. I would eventually recommend talking. If nothing else, the conversation may do you good. If you need anything, do not hesitate to call, you will be heard and answered."
With that, the two of them walked out of sight, leaving Maul alone.
He finished his soup, placing it on the platform and sliding it close to the shield to be collected later, and moved to the middle of the room. After a brief hesitation he fell into the opening form of Teräs Käsi.
They would know what he still meant to do.
Obi-Wan was buzzing internally. Three days and he would be able to take his trials. And then there was the matter of Anakin. The small nine-year-old had been unusually silent as they took him to the accommodation sector with its dormitories and rooms, and really there was little wonder.
Obi-Wan hadn't even thought of how little Anakin would know, not really, not until he had heard Anakin ask him what a Sith was. He had promised himself that he would discuss with Anakin what it meant to be a Jedi later, should the Council offer him a position. He had not expected that the Council would have done his job for him, but he was appreciative.
It meant that there was less for him to explain, though he figured that he would need to explain some things. He would offer for Anakin to stay with him in his room, because while they could offer a Master's perspective, and had distance between their role as Padawan… Obi-Wan still was one, technically, even though his Trials had a date set.
Qui-Gon paused before the hallway to his rooms, turning to look at Anakin, but Obi-Wan took a step forward, giving his Master a look that made him blink, before a smile curled his lips.
"Anakin," he said, drawing the young boy's attention. "Obi-Wan has offered to take you to his quarters to stay with him. Would that be acceptable?"
"Oh!" Anakin hesitated, before turning to look at Obi-Wan with a smile, "yes, please! That'd be wizard!"
Obi-Wan smiled at him, "Good," he said, "you'll like the Dorms, I think. Would you like a tour now, or would you prefer to get settled?"
Anakin was quiet for a moment, considering, and then looked to Obi-Wan with a slightly pinched brow, "With you," he said simply.
"Settled, then," Obi-Wan said decisively, and led Anakin deeper into the accommodation wing, taking the lift for the Padawan dorms and his room. It was quiet at this hour, late in the night, and so it was easy for them to come to Obi-Wan's room without being caught by anyone else. While Obi-Wan would not mind seeing some of his friends, he was rather grateful. Anakin needed time to think and to decompress, introducing him to more people might be more pressure than he needed.
Obi-Wan found a Droid, quietly asking it for garments for a Youngling, as well as an extra bedroll, indicating Anakin. The Droid beeped, taking Anakin's measurements with a scan, and rolled off.
That done, Obi-Wan entered his rooms and walked over to the meditation mat, sitting down cross legged and patting it before him. Anakin walked over and sat down on his knees, looking around himself with wide eyes.
"It's not much," Obi-Wan said, looking around at the standard dorms which held little more than a desk, a chair, and a bedroll in the corner. There was a chest for clothes, but that was it. Compared to Anakin's room which had been a mess of parts and personality it was almost barren.
"It's nice," Anakin rejoined easily, smiling at him. "Thank you for letting me stay with you."
"Of course, Anakin," Obi-Wan said with a small frown. "I wasn't about to abandon you. I will take you to the refresher before we go to bed, that way you know where it is, though you can wake me if you need help finding it again. The Temple is big, and you would not be the first to get lost on the way."
"Thank you," Anakin grinned. "Will…will I need to bring my own things?"
"No," he returned. "They are communal, everything that you could require is there, including a toothbrush, comb, and wash set that will be assigned to you as soon as you enter. Once it is given to you, you will need to keep track of it, but if you wind up losing something it is no hassle to replace it."
Anakin nodded, accepting this with a smile.
Obi-Wan took a breath, considering. "Anakin, just…" he paused. "If you have any questions for me, please don't hesitate to ask."
Anakin blinked, his eyes widening as though suddenly realizing, "You're an Apprentice," he said softly.
"I am," Obi-Wan returned with a smile.
"You're Qui-Gon's Padawan."
"I am," Obi-Wan's smile got bigger.
Anakin's expression shifted through many emotions, before finally settling on wide-eyed wonder, shifting to be properly cross-legged. "What…what's it like to be an Apprentice?"
Obi-Wan paused for a moment, thinking. "One thing you have to remember is you will go, and you will do what your Master wants you to. There's always a reason behind it, of course, but orders are to be followed. The older you get the more you get to argue against these orders, but when you are young the most you can do is question. This is not a bad thing, necessarily, because it can lead to further understanding, and the orders are meant to help you learn."
"So, I am expected to follow commands," Anakin frowned.
"Would you follow what your mother told you? For instance, if she wanted you to…set the table?" Obi-Wan hedged with the example, not entirely certain what sort of relationship they would have had, whether Anakin was meant to do chores at home. He had certainly been tasked with such a thing when Obi-Wan worked in the Refectory for a spell.
"Yes," Anakin agreed with a nod, which brought a smile to Obi-Wan's face.
"Think of the orders as given with that sort of…care behind them," Obi-Wan explained after a long pause. "They are not done to belittle or subject you, they are given because they are something you should do for some reason. For instance, I once was required to record several prophesies in the Jedi Archives. I did not appreciate it at the time, but… I learned a lot, and eventually it led to a strengthening in my bond with my Master. Do you understand?"
"I think I do," Anakin frowned. "Will he make me do that?"
"I do not know," Obi-Wan replied, shaking his head. "That is up to him. But almost every Padawan and Master has a different relationship. Even with the same Master, the Padawans are different and so different tasks are required. They are usually tailored to the Padawan, because we all have different strengths."
"I see," Anakin frowned. "Did…did you like being Apprenticed to Qui-Gon?"
Obi-Wan hesitated. "I did, sometimes," he agreed. "Sometimes I did not. He…Qui-Gon keeps much to his chest. You learn how to read what he will not say, though he got better later. My…my Apprenticeship was not…regular."
"No?" Anakin asked.
"They almost didn't choose me as a Padawan," Obi-Wan admitted quietly.
"Why wouldn't they have chosen you?" Anakin asked, his eyes wide, and there was genuine baffled anger in the Force. Obi-Wan had to fight not to smile. "You're obviously going to be a wonderful Jedi!"
Obi-Wan lost the fight to his smile, his eyes crinkling with it. "I appreciate that, Anakin, thank you."
"It's true!" Anakin added, frowning as though he was doubting it.
"Thank you," Obi-Wan assured, taking a breath. "I was…almost assigned to the AgriCorps, which…would have meant I would not have been made into a Padawan or a Knight. Padawans must be chosen, and they almost did not choose me. You do not have that worry, but I do want to point out that there are even roles within the Temple that are good and will lead you to be able to help people, if this is truly what you want."
"I see," Anakin nodded, looking at him with something like anticipation, waiting.
Obi-Wan hesitated. "I think what made them hard-pressed to choose me was how much I wanted to be Chosen. They could sense that in me and decided that it meant that I was not worthy, because I was too prideful to go into the AgriCorps, even though now I recognize its importance, do you understand?"
"I do," Anakin nodded. "Are you trained to be a member of AgriCorps?"
"Typically, Younglings are trained to be Jedi," Obi-Wan denied.
"Then why would you have wanted to be a part of AgriCorps?" Anakin asked, blinking. "That seems unfair."
Obi-Wan smiled at him, "But Anakin, this is where you're going to have to learn, Jedi are meant to not get attached to things, including a Role. I was almost blinded to the importance of the AgriCorps due to how much I wished to be a Knight, do you understand? They are important and they serve a role, but because I was so focused on the position that I wanted I could not see that there was worth in what I would have been assigned into."
Anakin took this in for a long moment, before finally nodding, "I understand. The attachment to the position blinded you to the bigger picture."
"Yes, exactly," Obi-Wan's smile widened. "That's why attachment tends to be forbidden. It is hard to be attached to something and let it go when you need to, sometimes too hard, and it can be painful to not only to yourself, but also what you're trying to hold onto."
Anakin nodded slowly. "How…how can it hurt the thing that you're holding onto?"
"Well," Obi-Wan hesitated. "What if they do not wish to hold onto you? What if you're holding onto something that prefers to be free, or is not meant to be held?"
"I see," Anakin said softly.
"You…" Obi-Wan took a breath, "you can love, Anakin, and you can care. A Jedi is encouraged to do both, you cannot want to help people without having a lot of both, but it needs to be unselfish, about their needs and not your own."
"Is it…" Anakin took a breath, looking at him quietly, "is it lonely?"
Obi-Wan blinked, admittedly a bit surprised by the question, before he finally smiled. "No," he said finally. "The Jedi are your family, and you have friends, and while we do not permit romantic attachments because of the sheer number of complications that arise from them, I cannot say that I have been lonely."
"What kind of complications arise from romantic attachments?"
"Oh, Anakin," Obi-Wan rolled his eyes heavily, which caused Anakin to giggle, "outside of the fact that you tie yourself to another being, and should you have children you have several other attachments that spring out of that, and that there is a preacclimation for several species to mate for life that leads to a bond so strong that they will ultimately sacrifice worlds in order to keep them safe… If they cannot hold that attachment, how can you? There is a matter of safety, equality, and simply the fact that if you have children you have to then take care of them, and then if they have children, you get attached to them, and it is an unending cycle of attachment."
Anakin laughed aloud at the spin he gave his words, the way he waved a hand, and Obi-Wan had to pull back a smile.
"What if you could let them go if you needed to?" Anakin asked. "Would…would it be allowed?"
Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment, "Could you promise that you could, Anakin? Would you be certain with all that you had in you that if you needed to you would let go?"
The silence stretched long between them, and Obi-Wan let it settle. The Droid came back with the required articles of clothing, and Obi-Wan took the standard-issue nightwear and gave it to Anakin with a smile. "Come on," he said, "let's get cleaned up and change."
Anakin nodded, waiting as Obi-Wan got his own change of clothes and his toothbrush and wash things, before leading the way to the Refresher, having Anakin repeat the directions out loud as he followed him. When they got there, Obi-Wan got Anakin's own toothbrush and other items, Anakin taking them with wide eyes. He wondered if it was because they were clean, because they were new, and the thought brought something sour into his gut that he had to breathe out.
Obi-Wan took him to the sonics, showing the individual stalls and how they worked, before allowing Anakin to take one of the stalls and start cleaning himself. Obi-Wan does the same in his own before finally changing into his nightwear, putting the clothes in a bin that will be washed and eventually returned to him. He made sure to put Anakin's clothes into the same. Clean and dressed in standard issue nightwear, Anakin looked every bit the Initiate.
He was every bit not, and it was not his fault, but it was nonetheless true. Obi-Wan considered his own thoughts on the boy that he had had at first, the ones where he had called the small boy a 'pathetic lifeform' in his own ignorance. He had been wrong, and he knew that, and had recognized that quickly, but Obi-Wan found that he had never regretted them more than now, partially because he wondered how many Younglings would look at the small boy and think the same.
He breathed the worries in, let them settle for a moment, and then breathed them out.
They cleaned their teeth, and then picked up their things to take back to the room.
Obi-Wan made Anakin lead them this time, once again repeating the ritual of calling out the directions that they turned.
They made it without difficulty, and Obi-Wan smiled at Anakin, who beamed in return.
So eager to please… Obi-Wan had a moment to think about that in the midst of the Jedi… Of the fact that Anakin would be allowed to call Master Yoda Teacher, and wondered if the others would consider it favoritism. That ugly thing was back in his gut and he breathed it out, harder this time. They entered the room once again, and Anakin walked over to his bedroll, spreading it out and sliding within its warmth, looking over to Obi-Wan, who realized he had not moved from the door.
"Anakin," he said, softly, and walked forward, sitting down before Anakin once again. Blue eyes met his, their focus intense. "I…I do not wish to discourage you. I do believe…I believe that Qui-Gon is right. I have been near you, I do know that you are strong, and I do believe that you are going to somehow bring balance. But…" Obi-Wan hesitated. "I think that the Jedi way is good, and that it is wonderful, and it is satisfying, and fulfilling…but I do think that it is hard. It is hard to people that are trained in it from birth, Anakin. You will be at a disadvantage, and this needs to be something you realize. I want you to understand that it will not be easy. They may call you Chosen One, I may call you Chosen One, but think of how many questions you are asking, how little you actually know. And this is not a bad thing! It means you get to ask questions and that you learn, and learning is wonderful, Anakin. But it means that even if you are strong in the Force, even if you can hear it calling you, there are some things that will be beyond you at first. This needs to be okay."
Anakin nodded, his eyes wide, and Obi-Wan's brows pinched together.
"Anakin, I want you to really think about that…you…" he took a breath, trying to think of the words. "You are unusually gifted. This does not mean that you will be perfect. This does not mean that everyone will accept you. The Council was right when they said they likely will not understand you, but you also will be hard-pressed to understand some of them."
Anakin looked down, his eyes closing, taking this in.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan said again, softly, and those blue eyes finally opened, looking up at him, making eye contact, "I also want you to understand that if you decide to do it, if you decide to push through, if you decide to become a Jedi… I do think you can do it. I think you would become a truly powerful and wonderful Jedi, and I believe you may in fact free those Slaves, that you may do so many other things. And I also want you to know that you can always come to me. If you do become Apprenticed to Qui-Gon, through Jedi Lineage you would be my Brother, and I would always be open to you, even if I were to pass my trials."
"You'll pass your trials," Anakin said, and his voice was firm. There was a light in his eyes, starting dim, but beginning to brighten. "You really think I could do it?"
"Anakin," Obi-Wan said softly, "I know you can, and I think you would be great, but I want you to think. Can you do that for me, Anakin?"
Anakin nodded slowly, taking this in, before slowly shifting to lie down in his bedroll. Obi-Wan went to his own, slowly sliding in and beginning the process of winding down for sleep, flicking a hand at the light and turning it off.
"Do you…" Anakin said softly, startling him, and Obi-Wan looked over to the little form in the darkness, "do you think that the Slave is okay?"
Obi-Wan thought for a moment, felt through the Force for a disturbance, for a hint of something wrong. "I think he's fine. We have a prison, an old one, for Sith that the Jedi capture. It has not been in use for millennia, but it has been cleaned and refurbished periodically as well as the rest of the Temple. He'll be within it, I'm certain, and he'll be fine."
There was another quiet pause, longer, this time, but Obi-Wan could sense the tension in the room, and finally, quietly…
"I can't, Obi-Wan," Anakin said softly, drawing his attention, the words soft and quiet in the dark, and Obi-Wan's heart momentarily clenched. "I can't promise that if I gained something like that, I could let it go."
Obi-Wan took a breath, feeling his heart swell, and quietly, softly, "That's okay, Anakin. I don't think I could either."
The warmth that bubbled up in the Force was open and soft and grateful.
It remained that way until they fall asleep.