(When those answers aren't something you want to hear,
And cannot accept just yet.)
Maul was tired.
Maul was tired in his bones, he was tired in his mind, he was tired in his soul.
Tired of the migraines, the bleeding, the moments of dizziness that laid him out until he could force himself to move again. Tired of seeking something anything to distract him from what felt like endless suffering and finding he couldn't focus. Maul was not a stranger to pain. Had become so accustomed to it he could work through most anything, but this was…different. Maul had not had to suffer through this much agony since he had learned how to feed his pain into the Force, since he had learned to make it work for him.
The collar blocked even that, and Maul was trapped with the knowledge that he could not utilize even his most basic of skills.
Maul could not turn the pain into power.
Maul could only live with it, a gnawing pain that was both worse and yet better than anything he had ever felt. The only thing that came close to the early weeks was perhaps the sensory deprivation suit he had been put in, the one where his entire mind seemed to focus on one single point and then erupt into nothingness. Maul had spent so much time unconscious…
This dizziness, this complete and utter lack of self, had finally stopped after what felt like too many weeks, after what had felt like the worst kind of torture… Because Maul no longer knew who the torture was for.
And this lack of knowledge terrified him.
This is what caused Maul to be unable to sleep at night, and he had tried many, many things to distract himself from that fear… Maul had even tried to read that stupid book again, fighting through waves of dizziness… He had given up when a character had been introduced that had taken the ring that had so far been shown as a towering bastion of Dark and proceeded to not only cause it to vanish but chastised it for its behavior.
That was just…too strange. It didn't fit the rules and he had struggled to understand where he fit in, but then was just annoyed that this was yet another thing that he didn't understand…
The book had gotten thrown across the room again, the loud thud it made as it smacked against the transparisteel doing nothing to help the building migraine. The lights had dimmed, and Maul had lied there quietly, holding his head, and…
And he didn't understand.
And then the Healer that had been seeing to him, the one who had brought moments of respite from the unending torture, the one he resented for this…
Healer Tiq had asked him a question that had joined with all of the other agonizing thoughts inside of his skull, a question that had joined with Skywalker's anger and his tears as he begged for Maul to just let them 'free him' to just let them help:
"Why do you think your Master did not let you understand?"
And that question had eaten into him like a maggot. There were obvious answers to this, of course. His Master had not seen the answers as important, he saw them as things that would distract him from his teachings, as things that were irrelevant to the goal of rising the Sith from the shadows they had been hiding in all this time… But…
But…
But a Slave boy from Tatooine knew of these things.
But the Jedi looked at him as though it was meant to be obvious.
But some of it had been a lack of knowledge of his own body, of something that could have been an asset to him. Even now he had begun to try and utilize his horns, pulling at them to try and alleviate some of the agony that burned…
They worked.
They worked, and his Master had never… Why would they not tell him of such things? Why would they not when the knowledge was helpful, in some ways integral? Why would they do so much to strip him of knowledge? And yet…did he not know the answer?
Did he not know the words that were whispered in his ear, the words that told him he was not an animal and should not allow himself to be treated as such? That he should not act upon those weaknesses… Did he not know the electricity that burned when…?
Maul let the thoughts slip from his mind like water from his hands. His healing mind always hurt worse when he tried to cling to these memories, and Maul needed to get better, he needed…he needed to heal.
Maul needed to get back to his Master…
Maul knew they were not dead.
Maul knew that this was just another test, that they just took his memories so Maul could prove himself, that they were just covering their tracks…
Could prove himself… Wasn't he always proving himself? Hadn't he…hadn't he already? Maul understood that his place was as the Apprentice, that he was meant to take orders. That he was…
But Maul remembered the feeling of bitter hatred towards a Master that promised power but only gave the Apprentice enough knowledge to build a bastard Order.
And wasn't that what Maul would create? Was he meant to live in his Master's shadow for all time? Maul had not meant to kill his Master, but there was no doubt that he would live longer if only due to his species, and eventually Maul would stand to inherit what they would have gained. Why would his Master not seek to give him true knowledge? Why would he have…?
And then there was the nagging possibility that Maul had known the answers to these questions before. That Maul had known until his Master had stripped it of him…
But why?
Maul thought of Darth Vectivus and the way he talked about his own Apprentice, the pride in his voice, the way he had always talked of treating his Apprentice as an equal…and wondered, idly, if his Master had ever talked about him like that. If he had seen what Maul had done and thought it was good. Did his Master ever have pride in him? Did his Master ever look at him and think of him with the love and respect that Maul…
Maul did remember the quiet words of affirmation, of praise, but how often had that been overshadowed by some manner of pain, some manner of punishment? Maul understood that his Master had been doing it for him. Maul understood that all of the pain that was given to him was meant to protect him, would ultimately have made him better, made him stronger, and so it had. Maul still remembered when his mind settled, when the pain had eased, that swell of power within him as he had fought against Yoda, had fought against the rest of them, and knew that it was so much greater…
But ultimately…what did it matter? What did it matter when Maul no longer…when he did not…know… Maul did not know.
Why would his Master have taken that from him?
His Master had given him power, had given him a name, had given him the title of Apprentice…
And then he had stripped that away. Maul's Master had stripped his identity, himself away from him. Maul was now…less. Maul was now less than he had ever been, even as a child, because even as a nameless child he had known that the titles were his to win, were his to earn.
Now Maul had earned them, and now they had been stripped, removed, torn… Uprooted.
Maul had been…
Maul thought of a plant whose pot had broken, whose roots had been torn and whose leaves had been scattered… Stripped from its soil, its foundation…
Maul covered his head, fighting the thoughts back, fighting them away, refusing to think of something so petty, something that had no…
The Jedi had given him that plant.
They had taken it away, but it had been in direct consequence to what Maul himself had done and he understood, he understood how consequences worked, understood how punishments worked. He had taken lives from them, and in the end… When Maul had asked, they had…they had given it back. Maul had taken it from a Guard that had walked directly up to him, one who had held it out in his hands and waited for Maul to take it, trusting that Maul would not hurt him and Maul… Maul had not.
He had thought of it, initially, but the more he considered it the less appealing it was. They had given him the plant back. They had…delivered on their word, given him what he had asked for and not… Maul had not had to beg. He had not had to hurt, to fall to his knees… Maul had asked.
Maul hadn't even known how to take care of the stupid thing. Maul had just known that he had…it was such a simple thing. Such a stupid, utterly simple thing, and he had stared at it where he had placed it for the longest time, trying to understand…
And then it was gone.
His Master had taken it from him, too.
Maul had won his Apprenticeship. Had fought and bled and burned for it. Maul had hungered for it more than he had ever hungered for anything and Maul…
Maul knew hunger.
And Maul…Maul was so hungry in a way he had never… Maul wanted.
He wanted and he didn't understand…
Maul thought of the sight of that plant shattered on the ground.
Maul thought of a voice calling him 'Little Cousin' and telling him that their place was protecting him. Him, when he had destroyed two of their Order, when he had…
Maul thought of a voice that would never speak again, of something else taken, of something else…
Maul did not understand the thing that curled within him. Maul did not know why he suddenly felt hollow.
Maul did not understand.
And Maul was so tired.
Maul just wanted to understand.
Healer Tiq hurried back to the prisons, doing his best to appear that he was otherwise not hurrying, and also completely calm.
The Guards had wired them earlier with a warning that Maul seemed to be in severe emotional and physical distress, that he'd thrown a book for the first time in what felt like a very long time, and he just… He was not doing very well. Tiq had had to see to another patient, one that had been involved in trying to prevent a Genocide.
A Jedi was to let go, but sometimes they needed a little help…
This…this was one of those times where Tiq's expertise was dearly needed, and Maul had been doing so much better. He had been doing so much better…
The Healer they had left called for aid, so Tiq would answer. Their Jedi had friends they could turn to, and Tiq had made sure they understood the recommended exercises, had been comfortable with Tiq leaving. Maul had people he only just was learning to tolerate… There was none of the trust that should be there, and Tiq… They needed to find a way to break through that. They needed to. They needed to find a way for Maul to trust, or else it would be for nothing.
Tiq had grabbed something from his office before he headed down to the prisons, hoping that it would be a start…
They had repotted the other plant but ultimately the shock of everything had been too much for the little thing that had already been ailing. Maul may have wanted it, but it was obvious he did not know how to care for it, though he had tried. The soil had been damp. Maul had been trying to water it, and ultimately had worked to care for it… But they had given him the plant without giving him the tools, and it was not fair for Maul to try only to fail.
It was not fair…
Tiq took a breath, shifting his little bundle and the Guards let him in.
Maul…did look bad.
The Zabrak was lying on his side, staring at nothing and that… Tiq had seen Maul several times before they came under attack, before Maul's mind had been torn open. Tiq had seen Maul's almost nonstop movement, the Zabrak remarkably kinetic in the way he operated within the world. To see him lay there, so still, barely even looking up at him.
Tiq looked to his colleague with a slight dip of his head, and his fellow Healer Soon bowed her head and left.
Tiq shifted his bundle, took a breath, and walked over to the small table, Maul watching him with his gaze. Tiq was careful to never show his back. While Maul recognized that Tiq was necessary, and that he was helping, showing his back was frankly too much of an insult. It was suggesting that Maul wasn't highly competent and dangerous, even as he was, and Maul's sense of self had been battered enough as it was.
Tiq would not be adding to it.
Maul's golden eyes slowly shifted to stare at what Tiq was setting up, a frown tugging at his mouth.
It wasn't like the first plant which had been more of a fern, instead a hardy little flowering plant, whose scent was said to relieve headaches and Maul absolutely needed that. Tiq had worked very hard to get one that was as strong as this one and had spent quite a bit of time spent in discussion with the AgriCorps before they had been able to get one to him.
A spray bottle, a bag of small pellets that could be used to fertilize the plant, and a small printed booklet of instructions on how to care for it was set out next to it as well. Maul hesitated for a moment, before finally sitting up, the movements stiffer than his usual grace and Tiq knew that he definitely had the remnants of a migraine. Tiq could see the book that was still pressed against the wall and nodded to it.
"Migraine?" he asked, his voice carefully modulated.
Maul made eye-contact with him and Tiq as a rule did not back down from patients, but Maul made it hard. Maul was well trained and perfectly capable of killing him with his bare hands, should Tiq not be prepared to defend himself. Tiq had made the decision to keep him out of the binders after seeing the way Maul's hands went to his horns during migraines, recognizing it as the self-soothing behavior that it was and trying to promote it, actively encourage it. There was also an element of trust that he was giving, one that Maul had not broken yet. Mutual destruction there may be, but he was also trusting that Maul would see that and would decide it was not worth it.
Maul finally broke the eye contact, looking back to the plant, and finally, quietly, "Yes."
Tiq nodded, "this might help," he said finally, gesturing to the plant. "It's a jahaal'got klesir, a…"
"Health-giving smell…?" Maul frowned slightly.
Tiq blinked, "You know Mando'a?"
Maul looked up at him in a way that suggested of course. Tiq didn't think that was fair, they had hardly done any formal assessments and Maul was…an interesting study of contradictions when it came to what he knew.
Tiq frowned. "We need to have an actual test at some point about what you actually know. Though perhaps…when you are less prone to migraines. How many days has it been since your last one?"
Maul blinked, before looking away, gaze momentarily darting towards the Guards before looking at the complete… There were no windows. There were no clocks.
"Forgive me," Tiq said softly. "That was an unfair question. It's been five days."
Maul took that in for a moment, looking around at the cell that surrounded him.
"You have been in here for three months."
Maul took that in for another moment and his expression was so…
"You are healing well for what has been done to you," Tiq said softly, keeping his voice firm. "The first month was mostly spent in unconsciousness. You cannot undersell what was done to you. When your Master…your Master was skilled and knew exactly what he was taking, but whatever he took…" Tiq shook his head. "The fissures in your mental walls were so deep, I was afraid it would take much longer to seal them. This is not time that was wasted or lost. This was time that you needed. I will not have you thinking this was something to regret."
Maul's expression shifted slightly, his brows pinched as he stared at him for a moment, before finally looking away.
"This…might help speed up the process," Tiq said softly, gesturing to the plant. "It is Mandalorian which means that it is…well." He smiled. "They are very hard to come by, but our AgriCorps was very aggressive in our dealings and they were willing to part with one."
Maul took that in for a moment, before finally looking up at him.
"Because you are my patient and I want you to get better," Tiq said. "Also, I've always wanted to have one of these plants. If you take good enough care of it I'll be able to get clippings and make more of them."
Maul hesitated, looking at it.
"Providing you wish to take care of it."
Maul said nothing for a very long time and Tiq waited patiently, keeping his expression polite and anticipatory.
"How?"
Tiq beamed at him. "First," he said, "let's see if it actually works. Will you sit for me?"
Maul looked at him for a moment again and Tiq waited patiently.
So much of dealing with Maul was waiting, understandably so. Maul was still feeling him out for plenty of reasons, up to including the fact that Tiq was absolutely a Jedi. Maul was still very Dark aligned and there was an inherent distrust. The only thing that Tiq could do was be patient and continually show him that he had no reason to fear.
Maul had so much to fear.
That, Tiq thought, was the problem, and until Maul actually opened his mouth about what he was afraid of, until Tiq was able to get to the root of the problem… Maul would be unable to heal fully.
So, Tiq would be patient, and he would show Maul that there really was no reason to fear.
At least not from Tiq.
Tiq rather thought he still had a lot to fear from Maul.
But he breathed that fear in, and then breathed it out into the Force, and watched as Maul finally shifted back to his usual spot and sat down. The movements were still not as graceful, were still stiff and gangly, but Maul had only just come out of the growth spurt he had started in their care and he had been too weak to really get used to it yet.
Tiq thought that if his Master had left well enough alone Maul might have managed to get even taller, but as it was, he stood at 5.75 meters. This…was rather short for a Zabrak and Tiq cursed the Master who stole one last thing from him before dying. Passing from this world in chaos and leaving more messes behind. They would clean it up.
It would be alright.
Tiq rather thought it wouldn't matter if Maul was technically below the average. Maul had almost bested a Master when he was even shorter, which he rather suspected would be the thing that mattered to Maul.
Tiq took up the plant carefully and walked over to him, holding it out.
Maul hesitated before taking it, staring at first him and then the plant, and Tiq…wondered a bit. He had not really expected for this to be the thing that caused Maul to hesitate, but then he wondered a bit… Tiq saw out of the corner of his eye that the Guards had shifted slightly at the sight and he wondered if this was how the last plant had been handed to him.
Maul finally took it, his clawed hands gentle as they brushed his own, and finally he held it in his hands, before Tiq sat down before him, smiling, keeping his own legs crossed, and gestured for Maul to put it in his lap.
Maul frowned before he did so.
"Now breathe," Tiq said softly. "Just breathe."
Maul hesitated before taking a deep breath, and Tiq watched as Maul's eyes slipped closed, his head falling slightly forward as the scent really hit him, and Tiq beamed.
Well. It seemed that they absolutely did live up to their name.
Tiq debated for a moment whether or not he would leave Maul to reorient himself, but eventually decided that it would be best if he stayed here. Though…he was rather afraid that Maul would consider it weakness that he reacted this way and knew that this would not do.
Tiq carefully stood, keeping his movements careful and soundless in the Force, walking over to the Guards, still not giving his back to Maul.
The Guards turned as he approached, saluting, and Tiq gave them a brief bow, keeping Maul in his peripheral vision. "I need you to get me a date and time piece," he said. "Maul should be allowed to orient himself within his space now that he is getting better."
The Guard to his left inclined their head regally, before saluting their twin and walking off.
Another Guard took their place barely ten seconds later.
Tiq turned to the room again, taking it in. They had returned most of the comforts that Maul had had before the first time he attempted to break out. There was a bed, the table that the plant would stay on, and a bunch of flimsi stacked on a shelf.
Tiq looked to the flimsi that had been thrown against the wall and picked it up carefully, smoothing it out and walking back over to the table, putting it down gently. When the Guard returned Tiq smiled at them, walking over and taking the simple date and time piece and bringing it over to the table as well.
That done, Tiq found himself checking the time and realizing that Plo and Even would be up with Maul's dinner shortly. The Council had really rallied themselves around being frequent visitors to Maul, even if he had been unable to really concentrate on anyone new coming, they were getting used to his presence, and the overall effect had been… Very good for them. Their resolve had strengthened, and Tiq was very glad for this fact.
Tiq nodded to himself before carefully looking to the bookshelf and perusing it, still not giving Maul his back.
Tiq watched when Maul finally snapped out of it, blinking and pulling his head actively away from the flowers, watching as he wiped at his eyes, his nose, and put the flowers down, his eyes darting around before finally locking on Tiq.
Tiq was careful to straighten slowly, to turn his attention to Maul like he had just noticed his attention.
"How is your head?" he asked, still keeping his voice modulated.
Maul took a breath, and Tiq paid no attention to the way his hands shook as he put the plant down. Maul reached up carefully, gently touching his temple horn and then finally looking back to Tiq.
"It…does not hurt," he said finally, and the look he was giving him…
Tiq idly wondered how often Maul's pain had been taken away and not given and fought to keep his expression even.
"I am pleased," Tiq allowed himself to smile at him widely. "I have gotten you a date and time piece," he said, gesturing to it on the table. "And you will have your dinner brought to you shortly. We have enough time to squeeze in a lesson about caring for that plant if you wish?"
Maul took this in for a moment, before finally nodding carefully, the way of someone expecting for it to hurt, and stood up, taking the plant with him.
Tiq showed him how to mix the solution that would need to be sprayed on the plant every two weeks in order to keep it producing those flowers, helping Maul set the date on the time piece to alert him with a gentle vibration that would not aggravate any headaches. He also showed him that it needed to be misted every so often, how it was primarily a desert plant and therefore did not need much water, and then Plo and Even approached with Maul's dinner, and he bowed to them, bowed to Maul, and left.
All in all…it had been a productive visit.
Tiq was pleased. He also thought that the decision to introduce Maul to someone who was…a good deal smaller, was probably going to go well.
Tiq did not leave entirely, parking himself off to the side well within earshot if not sight, and closed his eyes, allowing himself to wait. Maul had no pain and was in a tolerant enough mood. It would be a good chance to see how he reacted to something…much weaker than he was. But infinitely surer of themselves, and that sureness and their closeness to another was something that he needed Maul to see.
Maul was beginning to question, and Tiq could see that quite plainly. It was time to really start working on guiding those questions.
It was also safer in the long run for Maul to see that there was no true need for the Rule of Two. It would be better for his future.
It had been a hard three months.
Maul spending so much time unconscious, in pain, or otherwise completely unaware had been…difficult to deal with.
Plo had been involved very heavily with his treatment in the beginning, helping Tiq and Healer Che both extensively.
Plo had now held Maul precisely eleven times in the first month, whether that was holding his head up, adjusting him so they could give him an injection, or holding him up while they changed bandages… The recovery process had been slow and full of so much pain Plo had seen Tiq frequently himself. The worst of it was Maul had only recently been able to even start processing everything, and Plo could see that in him.
Mostly in the way he seemed to keep from processing anything. Though this was just another step in the process, Tiq had assured. And frankly wondered whether or not Maul did most of his processing internally.
Tiq had been overjoyed when he finally managed to get the plant from the AgriCorps, and Plo rather hoped that it would be just what they needed. The only thing that still lingered with any particular level of violence were the migraines, and the hope was to be able to beat them back enough to be able to let him heal in other ways.
Maul needed it. He absolutely needed the ability to process.
Maul needed to be able to grieve, while still seeing that he had a future.
Plo, Eeth, and Even walked together, Plo and Eeth keeping their steps even for the diminutive Jedi Master on Plo's right, the three of them laughing quietly as they talked.
They were also walking a little slower than usual for the child that was following them. She was play-stalking, and they were being careful to let her continue to do so, pausing just long enough when she hid underneath tables, or behind corners. When she stumbled, they were careful to not watch her, even as Plo had to desperately hide his grin, Eeth had to breathe heavily through his nose, and Even had to look very firmly at the ceiling.
She was a little carnivore and they needed to encourage those behaviors to ensure she grew up healthy and well adjusted. There was also that ceremony she needed to perform as well, and as Shaak was consistently coaching, and Eeth agreed with, it was good to promote those behaviors as much as possible.
It was also good to introduce her to other older carnivores, though this one was…something that would have to be introduced carefully, and definitely needed to be kept behind a barrier. There were plenty others that were much safer, the man on his left was an obvious choice, but even so…
Tiq had suggested that Maul needed to be introduced to the other one that Plo was caring for early, to understand that she was not a threat to him, and he did not need to be a threat to her. They needed to start thinking of Maul outside of the prison he was currently in. They needed to start thinking of Maul with a future that may involve the Temple, and that meant beginning to slowly peel back things that would hurt that possibility.
Thinking that he had to be in a direct competition for affection?
Completely unacceptable.
Thinking that Maul would be replaced with something easier?
Also completely unacceptable.
He needed to start learning about how children were treated within the Temple, and…to see how he should have been treated.
Realizing that Maul had been a Sith since birth had been…a painful shock, one that sometimes still stole Plo's breath. Either way…they had an opportunity to make sure that Maul's future was nothing like his past. Plo looked to Tiq as they passed, and he nodded firmly, which was a burst of relief. If Tiq had thought that Maul would not have been up for the little one, he would have scooped her up and brought her back to the crèche.
Maul had had enough unpleasant surprises.
This…would hopefully be a good thing.
They were prepared if it was not and they would be able to get their little one out of there before any damage was done, intentionally or otherwise. She would be safe and so would he.
Plo and Even both brought Maul food, Eeth holding the glass that contained water and medications, though they all had small snacks for the one currently stalking them.
Tiq let their little carnivore hide behind him, pretending to not notice how she was currently holding onto his shoulder and peeking out from behind him, when they turned to look after her. All three deliberately turned their attention very obviously towards Maul. Plo noticed Maul's attention rising up to them from where he had sat, waiting patiently…
And this of course was when little Ahsoka made her move.
Ahsoka dove forward, giving a very tiny, but appropriately vicious growl as she wrapped hold of Plo's leg. Plo immediately gave a call of surprise, pretending to let her down him, and letting the little one dive into his lap, laughing aloud. Eeth and Even were both grinning, Eeth easily taking Plo's tray from him with the Force and placing them both in the necessary slot so it could get to Maul.
"I got you, I got you!" she called out.
Plo's attention was half on her and half on Maul, who was watching the Togruta with a very…unreadable look, even as he called out, "You did! Very well done, Ahsoka~!"
Plo did not know precisely what Maul was thinking, watching as he slowly tilted his head, watching Ahsoka as she moved in for a proper hug, even as the slot opened to give him food.
Maul spared it a glance, and went right back to watching Ahsoka, who registered the eyes on her, blinking, before looking back towards Maul.
Plo was unsurprised when she decided that the best way to get a closer look at the Zabrak was to actively fall backwards onto his lap and roll out of it with a series of quiet sounds, and then move towards Maul. Plo watched lekku twitch in curiosity, her little head tilting to the right as she looked at him, pressing her hands on the transparisteel.
Maul watched her closely, his own head tilting, golden eyes staring at her.
Whatever Maul thought was not evident yet, what Ahsoka thought was immediately made evident with a quiet, "woo~oah! You're cooo~ooool! What are you? You have horns! Are you a Zabrak like Nikki? But Nikki is a girl, are you a girl? Or are you a boy like Eeth? But they have hair, and you don't have any! You're red, right? I'm orange! And blue, and white, look, see! I have three colors on my skin, but that's normal for a Togruta! Do you only have two colors? Red and black? I don't like black, black is scary, it's under beds and in closets and it wants to bite. Is it dinner time for you? I ate already, it was good, I had bantha~ It was so nice! What are you having? What's your favorite color?"
"Ahsoka, Ahsoka," Plo laughed aloud, which started both Eeth and Even in quiet chuckles, taking pity on the Zabrak who had leaned as far back as he could while still remaining upright, and looked very much like he was unsure whether or not he should escape to the refresher. "One at a time, Ahsoka! You haven't even introduced yourself!"
"Oh!" Ahsoka called out, "I'm sorry!" she said then, smiling at Maul and revealing two missing teeth. "My name is Ahsoka Tano, but you can call me Ahsoka! What's your name?"
Maul took in this question for a very long moment, and Ahsoka waited patiently, though was very obviously bobbing in place.
Maul stared at her and finally, quietly, "Maul."
"Maul?" she asked, and Plo could see her nose wrinkling in the reflection in the transparisteel. "That's funny sounding!"
Maul raised a brow slowly. "Thank you."
Ahsoka took this in for a moment and then her eyes went very wide. "Oh! Was that rude? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be mean! They're saying that all sorts of people have very different names, and I shouldn't be judging because it's not familiar to me! Is it normal where you're from? I'm five! How old are you?"
Maul stared at her for another long moment. "Five?" he asked.
"No, silly, I'm five, you can't be five, you're too big!"
Maul blinked, and then shook his head, "Apologies, I was…you are five?"
"Yes!" She held up the necessary fingers so he could see. "This many!"
Maul slowly inclined his head once.
"How old are you?" she asked again.
"I…" Maul took a breath, looking from her, to Plo, to Eeth, to Evan, to her, and then finally, "I do not know."
Ahsoka balked. "You don't know? How can you not know! Do you know how many fingers it is?" she held up her hands as though to illustrate, looking at his as though he should hold up his hands and count with her, "Maybe I can help!"
Maul tilted his head and finally shook his head. "I do not know how many fingers."
Ahsoka gasped, which…frankly was a reaction Plo himself wanted to echo. He could also see the other two tensing next to him. "No fingers? Did they not celebrate your birthday?"
"Who is they?"
"Your friends!" she called out, "don't you have any friends?"
Maul tilted his head and shook it finally. "No."
Ahsoka banged on the transparisteel, her expression first devastated and then appalled and then angry. "I'll be your friend! You can be my friend, Maul!"
Maul tilted his head at her slowly. "You do not want to be my friend."
Ahsoka stomped, "Yes I do!"
Maul frowned slightly, sending them a brief glance, and then looking back at her. "Do you know why I am in here?"
Ahsoka paused and then seemed to really realize that Maul was behind transparisteel. "Can you come out?"
"No," Maul said simply.
"…Do you want to?"
"Yes."
"Then…why are you stuck there?"
Maul watched her for a moment, his gaze sharp and thoughtful, before nodding to Plo and the others. "Ask them."
That…was a very reasonable answer to that question, and Plo was rather pleased Maul had gone with it.
Plo looked to Even, who looked to Eeth, and then back to Ahsoka that was looking at them expectantly.
"Maul…" Even said, looking to Maul with the slightest glance to see if he was offended at the loss of his title, Maul merely tilted his head as though to say, 'go ahead,' "has been taught some very destructive and…honestly self-destructive behaviors. These behaviors lead to him hurting others if he is given freedom, and he needs to be taught yet that this is not something he needs to be. Until he learns that, little one, he must remain in there."
Ahsoka took this in for a moment, before looking to Maul. "You hurt people?"
"I have," Maul returned easily.
"You killed people?"
Plo was momentarily startled at the question, but the fact remained that Ahsoka was a carnivorous species. They killed to eat, it was a simple matter of life, and therefore it made sense that they would make a quicker jump to the killing of sentients.
"I have," Maul answered. "I have killed Jedi."
"Are you sorry?" Ahsoka asked.
"No."
"Why?"
"There's no reason to be," Maul frowned, and there was…confusion in that gaze. "I was better than they were. They fought with honor and were brave enough to stand between me and the way out and that is enough to make them a credit to their Order at the least… But ultimately they were between me and where I needed to go."
"…So, you killed them?"
"Yes."
"But you did not kill all of them?"
Maul tilted his head slightly. "Needless."
Ahsoka took that in for a moment, and Plo found himself doing the same. Plo also found himself looking to the Guards, whose heads had bowed slightly, but whose grip on the pikes had…slackened. Their body language was not angry, nor hurt…it was…oddly calm.
That…was not what Plo had been expecting. A quick glance towards his fellow Council members showed they were feeling the same way. There was a remarkable lack of…passion in such a thing. Though Plo wondered if at the time…perhaps…
It was something that would be discussed later. At the moment, Ahsoka just looked sad. She touched the transparisteel and quietly, softly, "I can't be your friend yet, Maul."
"I know," Maul said easily. "You likely never will be."
Ahsoka took that in for a moment and then shook her head, "I don't think so," she said softly. "They just haven't taught you how to care yet," she nodded, her expression firm in the way of a small child that had figured everything out. "But I know you'll learn, and then you will be sorry, and we can be friends!"
Maul said nothing.
Ahsoka turned, gave the three Council members all very tight hugs, gave one last look to Maul, and walked over to Tiq, who picked her up and walked away, quietly encouraging Ahsoka to talk.
There was a pause, Maul taking a moment to process, before walking over towards the slot and taking the food easily, placing it down before him, and sitting, before his gaze slid towards Even.
"Even Piell," he introduced easily with a nod. "Apologies for the drop of your title, Darth Maul, I wasn't sure it was time to explain the intricacies of Sith philosophy."
"And do you know the intricacies of Sith philosophy?" Maul asked softly, biting into one of the now cold cuts of meat.
Even took a moment, looking to Plo, "I thought I did."
Maul hummed quietly, thoughtfully, and then returned to eating. Plo fell into meditation, feeling both men do the same on either side of him, taking a deep breath and centering.
Plo rather thought he would need it.
Maul ate quietly, letting himself sink slowly into thought. That had been…unexpected.
Maul could not understand why they had brought the youngling to meet him, or…honestly, much of anything that had happened.
Ahsoka Tano was…interesting. Maul had never encountered another child like her, and frankly, could not ever imagine one behaving like she did. She had been…chattering, loud, and the questions she had asked…
Maul could not imagine ever not knowing the answers to those questions. Maul could not imagine going up to another living being and… Ultimately, Maul did not understand why they would bring her here to begin with.
Unless…Maul thought of the way she had clung to Plo, the way she had… Maul hesitated to call it stalking, having been aware of her presence since before she was even visible, and… But they could not be saying they were going to stop trying to 'free' Maul, not when the competition was a girl who had to be… She had to be…
Maul finished eating, before slowly putting the dishes back in the slot, knowing that they were going to start talking to him now. But Maul… Maul had a question first.
"Is…is she perhaps…simple?" he asked finally, trying to think of the most delicate way to approach it. Maul was absolutely not expecting for the laughs that this received, all three of them smiling at him, something warm and almost teasing in the look.
"Oh no," Plo said with a shake of his head, "she is actually rather advanced for her age. You obviously have not been around many younglings before, but I do assure you that she is actually very smart and…"
Maul did not know what his own expression was doing, but he could not help but feeling suddenly very…
"Advanced?" Maul repeated softly.
There was a pause.
"Yes," Even said, "her emotional intelligence and insight is a little above a child her age. What she said to you at the end, for example, about…" Even hesitated, before looking to the Guards.
"You do not have to be sorry," the Guard to his left said, their voice modulated, but even, and Maul watched as those slits turned to look at him. "Her intentions were good, but I wish to tell you, Darth Maul, that you do not have to grovel, or beg. Ahsoka may be advanced for her age, but she does not understand fully what is happening or why. If perhaps you find that you cannot be sorry…the only thing we need from you is to know that it was wrong."
Maul blinked, frowning.
"Precisely," Eeth said, gesturing. "The point is, Darth Maul, that she is perfectly normal for a child her age."
Maul said nothing for a very long moment, remembering with bitter bitter clarity his own childhood, his own… Maul's Master would have beaten him, and to not have recognized Maul's species, or…
"Normal?"
Plo stared at him for a long moment. "What was yours like?"
"My Master would have beaten me if I behaved like that," Maul said roughly.
There was a very, very long pause.
"How precisely did he want you to behave?" Eeth asked, waving his hand, sounding almost genuinely…angry? "Was he expecting you to act like a little adult? Did he think that you shouldn't play, or stalk or…?"
"He made me stalk…" Maul said softly. "But the things I stalked hit back."
Maul did not understand.
"What did you stalk?"
Maul thought, for a moment considering, before he shook his head and opened a hand.
"Darth Maul, there is no…" Plo took a breath, soft and gentle, "your Master is no longer with us. There is no reason to not…"
Maul stared at him, Dark and hate and how…dare he. How dare they. Maul knew he was alive, he knew he was alive, he…
"Darth Maul," Even said, and his voice was firm and dark and grounding in a way Plo's tone was usually not. "Ignoring the fact that your Master is… What reason do you have to keep your childhood secret? What use could it have?"
Maul said nothing.
Frankly, there was nothing that he could give them. Maul did not know who his…he did not know and… And a part of Maul wanted to know, and was so scared to find… and finally, quietly, "a Droid."
There was a pause. "A…mouse droid?"
Maul sneered slowly. "I'm not quite sure what model he was. TD-D9, or Deenine…six arms, multiple photoreceptors. And a stick." Maul frowned. "I remember that stick…"
Maul…had not expected for the way the Guards had turned to stare at him, too. Had not expected for the…
"A stick?"
Maul held up his little finger, "About this big around. He had it until I managed to use the Force to rip it from him and broke it over him."
"…How long did that take?" Even asked, his voice…forcefully even.
Maul frowned, for a moment uncertain. "I…" he paused, frowning. "I do not know."
"Can you…you saw Ahsoka, yes, do you remember how many teeth you had? Do you remember how sharp your horns were?" Eeth asked, indicating his own.
"My horns have always been sharp," Maul answered, shaking his head.
"Surely not," Eeth returned, shaking his head, "your poor mother?"
Maul took that in for a moment, even as Plo smacked Eeth on the shoulder and Even started laughing, before giving a slight shrug. "Since I can remember they have been sharp."
That…silenced them.
"Were you taller or shorter than Ahsoka?"
Maul stared at where Ahsoka had been standing for a moment before shaking his head, "shorter." He placed his own head roughly a head beneath hers and there was…
"That is…" Plo hesitated, before softly, "very powerful Force work for someone so young…"
"I was angry."
"I should think so," Eeth said roughly, "to have you stalking something so dangerous so young. Multiple photoreceptors," Eeth was rubbing his face. "That's obscene. That's disgusting. You were…" Eeth shook his head, "you do not know how old you are?"
Maul…did not like these questions. He did not like where things were going. He did not like that they called that normal that they were looking at him like… Maul was not an object of pity.
Maul bared his fangs.
"There's no reason to get defensive," Plo said softly, "if you do not it is hardly like it is your fault."
"Of course, it isn't your fault," Even snapped. "Of course, it wouldn't be. You can only act upon what you know, and your Master has kept so much from you."
"You should have never been forced to stalk something that big that young, to have so many photoreceptors, you…" Eeth shook his head. "That can seriously discourage a young one… The first thing that you must teach a little one is that they can sneak up on something. That they can be successful at a hunt. For you to have had so much against you so early…"
Maul did not know why they were looking at him like that. Did not know why their expressions had shifted to something more… Maul did not know. Maul did not know.
"I don't understand," Maul said roughly, the admittance bitten between clenched teeth.
Eeth was quiet for a moment, "And does that not make you wonder why? Why did your Master keep so much from you? Why didn't your Master raise you properly, so you did understand? Why would your Master be so controlling with what you knew? Maul…you have already said that you did not wish to kill your Master, and yet is that not the way of the Sith?"
"Is it?" Maul asked, his eyes narrowed, anger and so much buzzing hatred flowing through him he thought he would burn with it. He could not do this anymore, he couldn't. He couldn't… Maul knew how this went. He knew what would happen, he could not, he could not.
"Maul," Plo's voice was soft, and Maul found his eyes closing, before he finally looked over to meet his gaze. "Please," he said softly, "think about this. It is right there; you know what we are saying is true. Please, Maul. We just want to help you, please let us help you."
Maul was trembling and he could not do this anymore. He could not. He could not.
Maul stood, and he fled to the only place that was actually reasonably private, to the one place they would not follow, and that was the refresher. Maul closed the door behind him and sunk to the ground, wrapping himself and… His fingers had found their way into his fangs again and he had not done that in so long, his head was pounding for the first time since he had smelled that plant, and he…
Maul…
Could not breathe.