Heeey~ It's a longer chapter than usual, I actually wanted to make sure I got something finished in one go before I put it out there. I am super stoked about this chapter! I get to share a lot of headcanons and a lot of my own personal 'how do Sith work' examinations and it is something I am stupid-happy about I'm not even going to lie. All the terms utilized are found in the Wookieepedia article on Sith language, though none of them are used the way I use them here. ANYway! I have one:
Warning: past child abuse is referenced.
Maul was buzzing.
A combination of utilizing the Force that had been kept away from him for so long, the ability to use muscles that had been underutilized in so long…
And for some reason…even the forehead pressed against his.
Maul did not understand.
Maul did not understand why they were giving so much to him. Not truly. He knew…and yet… And yet he could not shake the idea that they wanted…something from him. Nothing was for free. Nothing…nothing…
But there had been no punishment. But Maul had fixed what he had broken, and… Maul pulled away, suddenly overwhelmed. He burned as he should, his turmoil masked underneath the usual roaring. Maul did not know if they were fooled, but it had long pacified his Master. Yoda backed away as well, smiling at him in a way that suggested he had not picked up on it either, or perhaps was too polite to say he had.
Maul did not know. Jedi were strange and he felt as though he was still trying to piece everything together. Ultimately, however, he was… Maul was tired.
The realization came upon him all at once, feeling the slight drag on limbs that would not usually be so fatigued this early, but it had been… It had been so long.
So long…
There was a brief burst of frustration, but he shoved it down, bit it back. There was no use for it now. Maul did not think he wished to fight more Droids, though he would not mind…meditation, perhaps? And maybe…maybe…
Maul was suddenly finding himself with a desire for so much, but he was still limited, still shackled in a way, in some ways self-driven, but… Maul closed his eyes and took a beat longer than normal to open them. He was unsurprised when Yoda gave a soft hum.
"Long it has been and a great effort you have put in, expected tiredness is. A while it will take for your stamina to come back, but come back it will," Yoda promised with a nod of his head. "Young you still are," Yoda said then, and the grin he gave him was warm and teasing and strange. The laughter that spread to the others caused Maul to duck his head.
Yoda was correct, Maul finally thought, and Maul took a breath, closing his eyes, and finally decided with a little nod, that it was reassurance enough. It was also correct. Now that Maul was able to utilize the Force within his cell, he would be able to work on regaining his stamina, work on building his strength and utilizing the muscles that had been so neglected. It was almost enough to make him look forward to returning to that cell.
Almost.
Maul was still so…bored of it, but he had hope… They had mentioned other cells. Perhaps…somewhere new would not be out of the picture?
Maul would wait.
Maul also became aware of…others approaching, more presences, more still pools… Maul did not know who they were, but his attention turned to the doors regardless. Though the more he thought of it the more his mouth twisted slightly.
Maul was Dark and had expended a lot of it, there was a likelihood it had caught attention. They would know to warn them that Maul would be training would they not? Was that not the point?
"Worry not," Yoda said with a hum. "Know they do, expect they shall. Meditate would you like, here, or alone?"
Maul took in the question, before finally, "Here, please."
"Cooldown from the exercise?" Plo asked, and Maul found his gaze shifting to him. Maul tilted his head slightly, before shaking his head.
"Reinforcement of it," Maul answered. "Meditation is not usually a cooldown…stretching is."
"That comes last then, I would assume," Eeth said with a frown, "Training, reinforcement, and then the cooldown before your other duties."
"Yes," Maul agreed. He frowned. "Do I have other duties?"
"The book you are still to read, when focus you can spare," Yoda reminded, holding a finger up. "A deal we have made."
"Yes," Maul nodded, "and…the jahaal'got klesir…did I…did you?"
"It's been well taken care of," Tiq assured, smiling. "You will be able to get back to it without fear that anything has happened to it."
"Thank you," Maul said. "Is that all?"
There was a pause, and then Tiq nodded. "I believe it is best to start off slow. We will teach you, of course, but I do not wish to overwhelm you. You have been under extreme stress for a very long time, and to reburden you so quickly would be a mistake. I do wish to have that test relatively soon, though. In order to teach you properly we do need to know where you are at."
Maul closed his eyes for a moment, taking that in, before finally nodding. It did make sense, after all, they did need to know how much he knew before they could actively work on teaching him these things, and Maul did wish to learn. Though, Maul was admittedly still not interested in whatever punishment they would have for wrong answers. For whatever reason, the idea of them causing him pain was not the same as the pain caused by his Master. For whatever reason, the thought of the necessary punishment for failure coming from someone like Tiq or Plo did not appeal. Though he supposed, if he asked, he would be more prepared for it and it would perhaps no longer matter. They had, after all, shown that Maul could ask these things… But Maul was ultimately uncertain…
"May I ask about the test, please?" Maul asked.
"Of course!" Tiq smiled, "I would not send you into this blind."
Maul nodded slowly and finally, "What is the punishment for a wrong answer?"
Tiq blinked, and Maul was suddenly very aware of those still pools in a way he had not been before. Maul wondered if this, then, was the sign of an emotion. Though he did not say anything else and simply looked at them.
"Punishment?" Tiq asked, the word spoken a bit as though Tiq had never heard the word, his mouth forming it deliberately and forcefully, as though he had to make himself say it. "What do you mean punishment?"
Maul frowned. "My teaching was always timed, with a shock provided for a wrong answer, or one that took too long. I believe thirty seconds was the most…"
Tiq held a hand up, and Maul was very aware suddenly that that hand was shaking. "May I touch you?" he asked, and Maul hesitated before inclining his head slowly. That hand lowered onto his forearm, squeezing, and softly, "There is no punishment for wrong answers."
Maul frowned. "How then do you learn?"
"Repetition," Tiq answered swallowing, "and a point is removed from the total, and the wrong answer is marked, so we know that that is something we must work on. An electric…an electric shock is…how old were…?"
"For as long as I can remember," Maul frowned.
Tiq took a breath before taking his fingers back and lacing them together. "How often was electricity used as a punishment or a motivator?"
Maul tilted his head. "Commonly. There were others, of course, but that was one of the main methods."
"Were you…did you have ill effects?"
"Yes," Maul answered. "But I was often given bacta infusions and there are techniques that can be done to lessen the effects on both nerve and muscle. Ultimately, my Master left the marks upon my skin as a reminder of the lessons…but the full consequences of them were never given. There is…" Maul's mouth went temporarily dry and he closed his eyes, swallowing before quietly, "there is no use in a broken weapon."
There was a very long pause and Maul was once again struck by the stillness of the pools that surrounded him. He did not know what any of them were thinking, did not know how to read them.
"Well," Tiq said and clapped his hands together. "I have to say I think that might be one of the most appalling things I have ever heard."
Maul tilted his head before sighing. "I did ask you if you thought you could hold it."
"You did!" Tiq laughed aloud. "My oh my, did you ever. Alright. So, I know some of this is not going to make sense to you right now, but I promise that we will work on the things that you are confused by. Shall we call this a first lesson?"
Maul gave a half shrug, listening closely regardless.
"The first thing I want to make clear to you is that What Your Master Did To You Was Wrong."
"Terrible, it was," Yoda added, shaking his head.
"Disgusting," Plo rumbled, his voice low. "An appalling thing to do to a child for what should be simple mistakes."
"To train you with sticks and electricity," Eeth had balled his hands into fists, shaking his head.
"It was cruelty," Mace finished, his gaze so firm, locking his eyes to Maul's.
Maul frowned slightly, his gaze shifting.
"I do not care that it may have been effective," Tiq said then, and Maul blinked, looking up to him. "I know you did not recognize Ahsoka's behavior as normal, but it is! It is, and for you to have behaved differently to that? Maul, there are absolutely some variations in temperament among children, absolutely. But I am getting the feeling that your Master saw any moments of childish glee, or even upset as…" Tiq closed his eyes for a moment, "I have never once seen you cry."
Maul's frown deepened. "There is no point in crying."
"No!" Tiq immediately said, holding that same hand up again, though it did not touch him. "Absolutely not! There is absolutely a point to crying. It is your body releasing stress, releasing toxins, it is a necessary…" Tiq took a breath. "Your Master was…either lying or simply wrong, do you…have you not…please, Maul, was that…was that one of the things you were punished for?"
"…Yes," Maul answered after a beat of hesitation. "It may have been the first. I believe…I did not like the cold. The water was always cold and the room I was in was always cold and I would not stop crying."
There was another long silence.
"Maul," Tiq said very calmly, "I am going to introduce you to one of my later techniques that I utilize. Usually, I would wait to begin with this one, but I find that I cannot."
"Yes? What is it?" Maul raised a brow, waiting.
"I cannot hate. I am a Jedi, and it is against my Code, and it is against my Creed. You, though, are quite able to hate, are you not?"
"Yes," Maul answered. "It is one of the backbones of my Code and my Creed," Maul smirked. "I'm rather good at it."
Tiq gave him a smile, stiff and hard. "Excellent. I need you to hate your Master for me. If you were not Sith I would eventually work on helping you exorcise and purge those emotions from your system, but as you are, I am going to be very selfish and tell you to hate him for me. I cannot, so it is up to you."
Maul hummed, crossing his legs beneath him, and looking him in the eye. "How much, and in what way?"
"Oh, please," Tiq said softly, "tell me the different ways to hate, I have to admit to being unaware there was more than one."
Maul tilted his head slightly, noticing that the others had grown very silent and very still as well, and he had a moment when he was not sure how to handle the combined attention. He had the sudden realization that they were waiting for him to teach them. They were Masters of their Order…
Maul was a Lord in his, though…Maul had never taught before.
Maul took a breath and finally held a hand up level and flat with his head. "The weakest and yet the easiest to access is Nin. It is a sort of…petty hate, a level of dislike that comes easily and sharply and can be good for a boost, but it is foolish to rely upon it. It burns out too quickly and while it can be something knotted, or something that is tied up within you, it is nonetheless useless, too easy to lose, or to snap when it you truly draw upon it."
Tiq had leaned forward, listening closely as he spoke, and thought, before finally shaking his head. "No," he said finally, "I do not think that is deep enough. What is the next level?"
Maul brought his hand to his chest, holding it between his two hearts with his palm open as though cupping something in his hand. "Chwûq," Maul answered, "this one remains as long as you cultivate it. You must feed it regularly, but so long as you tend to it, it will burn as long as you need it. It is…admittedly my preferred form. I have grown used to cultivating it. It is also something that can be easily stoked into further flame when necessary."
Tiq nodded slowly, "I like that one, I think, but out of curiosity, are there others?"
"Just one," Maul answered, and brought his hand even lower, balling it into a fist, resting it over his navel, "Wodza." He frowned. "This one is the deepest and the blackest, but it is also the most dangerous. This is something you hate intrinsically, from the deepest parts of your being out, something that will burn no matter what and will never go out. It is a powerful thing, because it is in the deepest parts of your being, and because of this it is the easiest to get lost in. This can keep you alive after the gravest injury, but it comes with a price…"
"What is the price?"
"Your sanity," Maul said. "Wodza eats you alive, even as it allows you to live. Often your sanity is the first to break because to hate something so intrinsically, to hate it from the deepest parts of your being, ultimately means that it is something that you cannot let go of. Your every thought turns upon this thing that you hate, and ultimately it twists you into something that only knows this hatred and nothing else. It is for this reason that Wodza is not utilized often. Darth Sion was a Master of the technique, to be sure, but there are very few that can achieve that level again. Too much was lost to us both through in-fighting and…well." The Jedi involvement in the destruction of Sith culture went unspoken. They had the awareness to look contrite, even as they visibly thought.
"Well," Tiq frowned. "I think I will go with Chwûq, since I do not want it to be something petty, and similarly I do not think I like the idea of it being something that can drive you to further ruin. I also like the idea of cultivating it, honestly. It means that as you learn more of what he did to you, you can add to it, is that correct?"
"Yes," Maul inclined his head. "The more I learn the more potent it becomes."
"Therefore, making you stronger and giving you more understanding and more tools," Tiq nodded. "Yes, very well. I would like for you to utilize Chwûq. How would you go about this?"
Maul frowned slightly, looking down as he realized the question was not something he knew how to answer immediately. He had not thought about the process for a long time. "Apologies, I am not used to explaining this," he said after he feared the silence had gone on too long.
"Take your time," Plo said waving a hand. "You have been doing this for so long it must come without thought."
"Yes," Maul nodded. "I am not accustomed to teaching."
"Somewhere we all must start," Yoda smiled.
Maul gave a slow incline of his head, thinking. "Chwûq begins with Nin," he said after a moment, working through the process in his head that had become so second nature he barely noticed it. "It begins with something you know, which you then begin to slowly bring into your chest, into your…core, I believe. It is not your hearts, because that is not deep enough, and similarly it is not your gut. The gut is where it turns to bile which can be poison, which is a way to think of Wodza, I believe."
"I see!" Eeth said then, with a nod, the others forming a similar motion. "So, if you were to begin to…ah…Chwûq is ember, is it not?"
"Yes," Maul gave an incline of his head. "Nin is knot or tie, Chwûq is ember, Wodza is intestines in the Sith tongue. I do often think of Chwûq as a fire. It must be tended and stoked, but all Embers start with the smallest licks of flame."
"That is fascinating," Tiq said after a long moment. "Utterly fascinating. I never would have…where does Passion fit in? Is it a part of Hate, or is it different?"
"Passion can be many things," Maul answered with a shake of his head. "Passion absolutely can be Hate, but it is more an umbrella term, I believe. It can be a mix of many other things, or just the one. Passion is more…something that is felt strongly, I believe. But it is not enough just to feel it. It is something that has to be fought for, something that must be sustained. Shâsot is Passion, yes, but it is also Struggle. It is not easy. A Fallen Jedi may be able to find their way to Nin, and may even tangle themselves up within that, which leads to a cultivation, which leads to Chwûq…but it is a very rare one that can create and sustain Wodza, and ultimately finds itself burning out. Wodza is dangerous, yes, but it is also integral for the Sith because if it is not there then ultimately even Chwûq will fade out as soon as the cultivation stops."
"So, you do use Wodza!" Tiq said, "I had thought you did not!"
"Forgive me," Maul shook his head, "I said that it can be dangerous, and that it can be poison, not that it intrinsically is. Ultimately the bile is needed for digestion is it not?"
"Ha, so it is!"
Maul found his mouth twitching.
"If…it is not too personal, what…do you use for Wodza."
Maul blinked before his mouth twisted into a grimace and with a low grumble, "I have been forced to find another one. My original has become…unsustainable."
"If you say it was the Jedi I will not be offended, I promise," Plo said.
Maul sighed.
"Well! If nothing else I am actually rather glad to hear you say that it has become unsustainable! Does that mean it is gone?"
Maul wrinkled his nose. "No," he said, "giving up something like that would be foolish. It is now Nin."
The burst of laughter was warm and full, and Maul was momentarily startled to hear it.
"Oh, I have never been happier to hear something called Petty!" Eeth laughed aloud.
Maul sneered but said nothing against it. There were things that he could tangle within it, but pettiness was probably the best way to describe it at the moment. Maul had not met enough Jedi for it to slide towards anything else, not yet.
"Do you have anything you are considering for Wodza?" Mace asked.
Maul frowned. "Wodza needs to be immediate, something that comes with a thought, a concept that causes disgust in the deepest part of your being without the need for cultivation. Jedi…control these emotions, correct, you are familiar with the idea of them, it is merely flowing it out of you, I am not speaking of something you have no concept of?"
"That…is a good way to explain that, yes," Mace nodded slowly. "We can follow the concept, yes, but it is not allowing them to settle."
"We take the emotion and feed it into the Force," Eeth said, "it is not clung to in the way you speak of, these emotions are instead let go of."
Maul nodded slowly, "Wodza would be impossible to flow out, or let go of, I believe, which is why I cannot use the Jedi as I had been doing, because in a lot of ways I…did let it go…" Maul frowned, his brows pinching as he tried to explain. "That hate is not intrinsic anymore, it is…no longer something that if I were to cut it out, I would no longer be me." Maul thought for a long moment. "I had thought it was. I am…grateful that it is not." Maul's head bowed slowly.
"Would word association help you find something else?" Tiq asked, frowning.
"Apologies, I am unfamiliar with the concept."
"I say a word, and you say one that comes immediately to mind," Tiq answered, "For instance I say Jedi you say…"
"Fallacy." Maul blinked, frowned, "I do not like this."
Tiq laughed aloud, shortly joined by the rest of them, another warm and amused sound. "Well! I am learning that there have been more fallacies about the Sith than I realized, so, perhaps it is not entirely inaccurate. I admit that that was a very cheap shot and more for my own entertainment."
"Ah," Maul hummed, "and now you are petty."
There was another laugh, another burst of amusement that rose between them.
"Would you let me try again?"
Maul hesitated, before shaking his head. "I do not think so. Not here."
Tiq tilted his head up slowly before nodding. "Of course, I do not wish to make you uncomfortable."
Maul sighed. "It is difficult," he said after a moment. "Wodza is a bit harder to come upon than you would think it would be. There are so many different things to hate and some things that may seem like they can be brought into the gut and left there are often merely Chwûqut that have grown so strong they seem like Wodza, but they are ultimately something that started as Nin and are therefore not viable."
"Frankly, a lot of the Sith arts seem as though they are a lot harder than I thought they were," Mace said finally with a raise of a brow. "You called my phraseology of a 'fit of passion' a Jedi Fallacy before. I think I now understand why. None of it is a fit, is it? Even Nin, which can have the benefit of a burst of power, is not ultimately a fit, so much as it is a spark."
"Yes," Maul said and straightened, briefly proud of the fact that Mace had recognized the mistake. "The Sith arts are not easy. There is so much control necessary and it is very easy to slip. Part of the reason I was so displeased with my performance earlier is because my Chwûq has become…much stronger than I was prepared for, than I am used to, and so I found myself struggling to pull out of it when it threatened to burn too brightly. There has been so much Hate added to me." He rubbed at the skin around his forehorn, frustrated momentarily.
"And none of it is Wodza," Tiq sighed. "You cannot use your Master?"
Maul hesitated for a moment, and then shook his head. "I hesitated. No."
"Intrinsic."
"Yes," Maul nodded.
"But there is…something about what your Master did that you hate."
Maul took that in for a moment before finally giving a slow nod. "Yes," he said finally. And there was something. Something that burned and Maul had not thought of prodding, had not thought of examining that tangle, and once again he thought of that fear. He thought of that…
The sudden burst and rolling heat and rage within him was so strong for a moment he nearly lost control of it.
Maul bit it back, swallowed it down, held it there, held it, brought a closed fist to his stomach, breathed in, and held his breath, closing his eyes and slowly bringing his forehead to the ground, binding, binding.
There was an irony in it all. An irony in that the motions necessary were ultimately the thing that he hated so much. He hated he hated, he burned.
This…was deeper and stronger than Maul thought even the hatred of the Jedi had been. Something that was both Core of his being and leeching into the petty. The fact that he even hated the necessary steps to bind it…
Maul laughed.
He had found it and once he had it was obvious.
"Chains," Maul managed, the word a hiss between his teeth. "Wodza nuyak itsu. A moment, please," he whispered, and he felt the still pools retreat, not just in proximity but also pulling back, away, giving him a beat to focus, to burn.
Maul concentrated on it deeply, breathing through it, feeling the way it rose up as he stoked it, dangerous and burning, and he would have to work at this. He would have to fight it. It was definitely stronger than he was used to, and he had spent so much time… But ultimately, had not the hatred of the Jedi been something put there by his Master?
The Hatred had not been him…
This…this was him.
Maul breathed, slowly carefully leashing it, tying it down where it would not burn and rage out of control, where he could keep it within his gut to call upon it when needed… Maul would be strong.
Maul would Break Chains and the realization burned within him, a powerful burst of amusement and realization that was enough to help him lock his Wodza in place, enough to help him Control.
And control was so important, was so integral.
Maul tested it again, slowly shifting that realization, that promise atop it, lining it to keep the bile within where it would not eat him alive. Maul had so much to do first. He had so many things to do and to learn and he was given the opportunity…
They even cared enough to learn…
Maul pressed against it, checking, checking…
It was there, burning and raging just below the surface, something that would come as soon as it was called, but… But for now, it was bound, and Maul was Master of it.
That petty amusement rose up again, twisting his lips in a sneer that was unseen by anyone but felt by himself, and finally breathed out.
Maul was aware that his limbs had a fine tremble to them, his hearts racing within his chest and his breath slowly beginning to even out now that he could calm the beating of his hearts. Maul was aware of the cold sweat that had broken up along his spine, the feeling similar to vomiting, but Maul was deeply, intrinsically satisfied.
Maul had found it.
Maul had controlled it.
Maul was Sith and he would not be bound again.
Well, he thought with some amusement, looking to the collar that was near him. He would not be bound unless he let himself be. And Maul had plenty of reason. He wondered if they would catch onto that, would recognize what he was giving them that he would let them do this to him…
Maul slowly breathed deep, held it, and then breathed it out very slowly, rising up to his knees, releasing his hand from its fist and spreading the fingers out, before opening his eyes.
He burned.
It was good.
"Do you need something?" Mace asked him, staring at him. "Is there a ritual that we can help facilitate?"
Maul…had not been expecting that, and he found that rise of something deep in his chest and… "Fasting," he said, licking his lips, "ten days and nights which are spent in near exclusive meditation. There is no sleep. The Dark sustains."
"Afterwards?"
Maul hesitated. "Usually there is a hunt. Ritualistic sacrifice. As I am carnivorous the fast is broken with that animal, whatever it is. There is a cleaning ritual performed, the bones are burned, and I am complete."
"Does the animal matter?"
"No," Maul answered with a shake of his head.
"Do you have a preference?"
Maul blinked. "…I…are you…?"
"I don't see a reason we can't facilitate this," Mace said, looking to the others. "It's an important part of your culture and you are not harming anything… Though perhaps yourself. Are we allowed to be near you, or is solitude preferred?"
"You…" Maul hesitated. "I will burn. It will be strong. I must work through my Chwûq before I can begin to look at my Wodza, but if you can stand to be around this, solitude is not necessary. There will be periods of time when I do not have to focus on meditation, I will be able to talk."
"When do you need to begin?"
"As…" Maul swallowed, "as soon as I can."
"What would you like to hunt? We have a butchery, but there is also a spot for the livestock where you can hunt them. They are given a very good life."
Maul gave a slow nod. That was good. That was…that was good. A sacrifice ultimately did need to be clean.
Maul was having difficulty focusing; however, the heat was beginning to rise, and he shook his head. "Back, please…"
There was a moment when they looked at the collar, and then Eeth frowned, taking it in his hands and looking to the Guards. "We'll walk him down together. I feel like…" Eeth trailed off, looking at him for a moment. "My chambers are closest, and I have an attached Padawan suite. We can take him there. You did not mention that the meditation was a need."
"I have not burned like this," Maul said, and he found that it was very true.
"Are you alright staying with me?" Eeth asked, and he was close suddenly, standing before him, and Maul fought through the rising haze to look him in the eye and after a moment when he thought…
Maul thought of the gentleness of fingers peeling off the keratin after they were filed through, thought of the soft warmth, and the knowledge given without any trick, the quiet strength and slowly, carefully nodded.
Eeth smiled at him. Yoda cleared his throat and Maul looked down at him.
"Your shoulder, may I ride?" he asked and Maul blinked, taking this in, and decided immediately that this was likely some way to help reassure the other Jedi that Maul was safe…That he would not hurt…
Maul nodded, and Yoda gave a warm hum, carefully leaping into position before Maul could begin to try and think of the logistics of it. Yoda perched there easily, and his warm presence, that cool pool…was a better brace than Maul thought it would be.
They walked out together, and not a single one made a move to collar him, simply taking him into Eeth's quarters.
They were…very bare, which Maul figured must make sense for a Jedi, but it was still a bit of a surprise. They took him to the Padawan suite, which was cold and dark as it had not been in use for a very long time, Eeth turning the lights on and going to raise the temperature, but Maul shook his head.
"Leave it," he said roughly, "it will help balance the burn."
Eeth inclined his head, Maul walked into the middle of the suite, Yoda removed himself from his shoulder and walked to the other Jedi, and Maul closed his eyes, fell into his preferred lotus position…
And burned.
Day 1
Eeth was amazed.
When he had started this day, he had never thought it would begin with a truly admirable demonstration of Sith prowess, an explanation of Hatred and the uses of it… Eeth would never have guessed. He had never thought that so much of the Sith would be focused on Control, that there would be a ritual and…
Maul's aura flashed, sparking briefly, and Eeth watched as Maul breathed in, his closed fists in-line with his navel, and slowly breathed out, the sparks dimming, his hands opening in time with his breath.
There was something almost Jedi-like in that control, something almost…
Eeth noticed Tiq had sat down, a datapad opened as he scrawled down several notes, the Rodian's eyes sparking with delight.
"Fascinating," he heard Tiq mumble, "Nin…Ch…does anyone know how to spell the second one?"
"C-H-W-Û-Q," Yoda spelled, "circumflex over the U there is. N-I-N, and W-O-D-Z-A are the other spellings."
"Nin is knot, Chwûq is ember, and Wodza is intestines…" Tiq laughed aloud, "incredible, intestines, I would have never…" he went back to mumbling to himself quietly before really focusing on writing again.
Eeth frankly felt much the same. That was so much knowledge that he had given them, things that Eeth would have never even guessed at. To have that many terms for Hate, he had to wonder…
Chains.
Maul hated chains, from the deepest part of his being out.
Eeth wanted to laugh. It was…it was frankly the best thing for him to hate. There were so many good things that could come of… They had been working on trying to make Maul understand that he the way he had been trained may not be the proper way. It seemed that Maul had made his own breakthroughs, found his own methods, and this… This was delightful in many ways.
There was another spark, another flare, those hands once again fisting, a breath once again taken, and Tiq looked up.
"Two minutes…" he mumbled, making a note, before going back to his scribblings.
There were so many questions. So many things to ask and work out. As it was, they spent a little longer watching to make sure that Maul was alright and that he seemed to be comfortable, and then they left, closing the door behind them.
"I think…" Eeth said softly, "we should bring some of his things. The plant, that oil I got him…he does not need the timepiece as there is one here, but maybe the book, if only to give him the opportunity should he be able to later."
"A good idea this is. A change of clothes we shall also bring."
"I have his tunic," Plo said, laying it out on the chair, ready for when Maul would claim it. "That was…utterly fascinating. You have done research into the Sith, have you not?" he asked, looking to Mace and Yoda both. "Were either of you aware of these things?"
"Scattered much of the Sith histories are. Possible it is that much are passed in oral traditions, Master to Apprentice."
"I have never read anything about what Maul was speaking of," Mace agreed. "And that was just on Hate." He shook his head. "I've never been more aware of how little I know about something," he grinned, "it's a good feeling."
"I wonder what else he has to teach us," Plo frowned, "if he will. I admit to being very curious. We have often spoken of teaching him, and he is very willing to learn, it may be good to return the favor if only to prove that we give value to his words."
"I do like that," Tiq called out, looking up from his datapad for a moment. "The one thing we need to show is the fact that we listen to him." Tiq shook his head. "The fact that he's found that the hatred of chains is so intrinsic to him…I worry a bit about the collar. We may need to find if we can get rid of it entirely…"
"Let's talk to him first," Mace said.
"It was his decision to wear it," Plo reminded softly. "He wished to not be a threat to us, and he thought he still might be."
Tiq grumbled quietly. "I do not like it," he said finally, putting the datapad down for a moment, staring at all of them with his eyes so pointed and sharp. "I understand why it is perhaps necessary in the same way that he does, but the difference is, I also understand what it can do to the psyche. So much of Maul has already been bound before. I am unsurprised that he has found that his intrinsic hate is…" Tiq looked to the time as another spark flared and frowned. "That is nowhere near two minutes," he mumbled. "I believe he is reacting to something internal…" he jotted that down. "Does anyone know how Sith meditation works?"
"No," Mace answered with a brief shake of his head that was copied.
"Ask how Sith Meditation Works…" he grumbled quietly, typing it out on the datapad. "Anyway! I am unsurprised that his intrinsic hate is the idea of being chained. He has been chained his entire Life, even when he did not know, subconsciously… And that collar." Tiq's mouth twisted into a frown. "He is a Nightbrother. I do not…I do not like the implications of it on him. I know that it was the best option for comfort, ease of access, and the fact that it could be removed so quickly, but it is a collar. There is so much of me that thinks that it can only be a further scar on an already stressed psyche, even if he isn't aware of it."
There was a pause and then Plo made a rough sound, his hands over his face. "I had not even thought about it."
"I know, and I do not blame a one of you, because I know if you thought of it you would never have placed it," Tiq said with a frown. "But that…does not remove the potential, and I swear I would tell him to hate that collar for me if it was not likely he already did." Tiq's mouth twisted, his fingers briefly tightening on his datapad. "He is not a pet. He has made his agreements and stated that he is fine with being locked within it, but…it is nonetheless a symbol of something I do not want around his neck. I believe that he has already been told repeatedly that he should not indulge in certain…instincts, though this is merely suspect at this point."
Eeth breathed in and breathed out. "I believe so as well," he stated finally. "The fact that it seems the things that he does not understand or know about his own body are directly interlinked with his being Zabrak? I have little doubt that he was trained in such a way to completely neglect all of those urges, all of those things that he should know. I have not asked him about some of these things yet. I am not braced enough for the possibility he will tell me that he is above those urges."
Eeth watched as Plo gave a brief shudder and sighed, before Plo turned, looking towards that room, and looking back to Eeth.
"That is going to be very hard to meditate with."
"Free you are to come to my rooms," Yoda said, "if a respite you need."
"Agreed," came the brief chorus.
"We'll meditate together," Mace said. "I suppose the question of what Sith meditation feels like has been answered at this point."
"Thank you," Eeth said, taking a breath. "Force knows I will absolutely need it. That is strong."
"Do you believe it will remain like that every time the collar is off?"
"I suppose we will see," Mace said, "but I do not believe so."
"I do not either," Tiq noted. "Do you remember what he said about control?" Tiq was beaming. "I think we're going to find ourselves with quite a bit of knowledge about how a Sith works by the end of this, and precisely what a Sith means when he says 'control.'"
Much to think about… Much to see.
This…was certainly very interesting.
Day 2
Plo was with Eeth on the second day when Maul finally came out of his prolonged meditation with a gasp that they heard from the main living space. Plo looked up from his book, his attention turning to the door that after a brief moment finally swung open, Maul taking a few steps out. He squinted at the light, but his attention soon turned to both Plo and Eeth, his expression softening at the edges. Either way, he remained there for a moment, looking temporarily suspended, a bit like he was not sure how to proceed.
It was a fair concern. Plo immediately cleared his throat in a way he did not need, drawing Maul's attention to him.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"It is Shâsot," Maul said, which…rather explained it, he thought, finally unlocking, and taking a step towards them. "But I am well… Your refresher…?"
"There," Eeth said immediately, pointing to it. Maul dipped his head in thanks. He looked at the change of clothes they had brought him and put on the table and took them with a quiet thanks. Maul came out of the refresher a few minutes later, still without the tunic, water beading on his skin. He did not step closer to them, instead rubbing at his forehead.
"Are you perhaps a danger if you lose control?"
Maul opened his eyes then, and that red had bled further, a red that was threatening his iris. "I will not lose control." There was promise and death and dark within those words, Maul's expression black with it. "The only issue is the heat," he said finally, relaxing slowly. "I burn and I suppose…feverish is the word I could use. I am no danger to you. I will not be." The quiet promise in that last phrase hung in the air around them, and Maul swallowed dryly, before looking to the Padawan suite. "I must go back, I am sorry."
"Don't be," Eeth said softly. "May the Force be with you."
Maul inclined his head and walked back into the suite.
The door closed again.
Day 3
Yaddle had long wanted to be able to talk to the other boy in their care, having spent a good deal of time with the young one when he was in his fugue. Yaddle was known to have one of the most calming presences among the Jedi, and whenever she had been present with him, Maul had seemed to, if not come back, at least relax. Yaddle had been frustrated with herself that this had been her first real interaction with him, when he had been completely unable to care enough to process, and had promised herself, before releasing that frustration to the Force, that she would be much more involved.
From what she had heard, Maul needed all of the people in his corner that he could get, and it was becoming much easier to want to be in that corner. Yaddle grew more certain by the day that the Force truly had called for them to spare him, and similarly that he was meant to be here. That they were meant to help him.
Yaddle had listened to the explanations that they had brought of what Hate was, of how it worked with the Sith and had been amazed. She still thought that it would be better to remove that hate from him, but they had promised that Maul would be able to make a choice, and so far, that choice seemed to be very focused on remaining Sith, and yet… Not their enemy.
Yaddle was old, she had seen much…
Never before would she have thought she would see this.
Never before would she have thought that she would feel this.
To be able to meditate amongst her fellow Council Members Yoda and Eeth to help balance Eeth's living space and his own patterns, while something burned so brightly and so strongly next to them…
It was strange. Something that less than a year ago would have been thought of as impossible, as a direct threat that they needed to stop, instead being something that they were helping to grow and flourish? Yaddle smiled, shaking her head at the thought of the young man that needed their help.
There were so many possibilities, so many ways this could go. Either way, Yaddle was pleased that Maul was amongst them, if only for the challenge that he had been to them, for the shakeup he had caused.
To be Dark and not their enemy…
There was a deep understanding, though, that this was likely not something any of them could shift to. Even with a new understanding of the Sith terminology, even with the knowledge of the fact that Maul did not see them as an enemy… It seemed like it would still be a danger for any Jedi.
More questions would be asked.
More understanding would be gained.
This, at least, Yaddle looked forward to without reservation.
The burning was dwindling, not completely dying out, but certainly fading, and Yaddle slowly broke from her thoughts to turn her gaze to the door.
There were a few beats of silence, a soft huff of breath, and the sound of someone standing, a few staggering steps made towards the door. Yaddle could hear all of this, the sound of the two-beat hearts that drummed in that chest, their beating slowly regulating, and finally she heard the sound of that form leaning against the door for a moment, breathing, breathing, and then straightening, palming the sensor to open it.
The door slid open, Maul revealed leaning against the side of it, that gaze that was all fire and heat, that red and burning yellow that Yaddle had not seen before flickering towards Eeth, and then…shifting down to Yoda, and then sliding over towards her.
Those brows pinched slightly as he stared at her, his gaze trailing along her ears, to her hair, and then down, and then back up again, before flicking over to stare at Yoda.
There was a beat.
Maul closed the door.
Yoda began cackling.
Yaddle could hear that form begin banging his head against the door repeatedly and Yaddle couldn't help her own laughter, though she could not contain the soft, "More care you must take, Lord Maul," that left her lips, amusement tinging it. "Your head, much trauma done to it already. More you likely cannot take."
There was a pause.
The door opened and a single red-and-yellow eye glared out at her from where he had positioned himself to the side of the door. "My head is built for blunt-force trauma, thank you. It's the rest of this that I can't take."
Yaddle wheezed. Eeth and Yoda both fell into it, Yoda holding his heart and Eeth bending to press his horns to the carpet like a felled tree, absolutely cackling. Yaddle laughed until she cried and then could not help but smile at the boy who was slowly allowing himself to slide out from where he had partially hidden himself.
That gaze drifted over them again, and Yaddle felt that strange Dark presence brush against hers, but there was no hostility. It was an odd sensation, but her smile did not falter, and her warmth did not sway, recognizing it for the curious gesture it was, the complete lack of hostility within it. She wiped her tears away gently, her smile widening as he finally took a step towards them, and his gaze finally lingered on her again.
"I know you," he said then, the words soft, staring at her. "I felt…I felt you, when I was…lost."
Yaddle's smile gentled and she gave him a nod. "There I was, glad I am that found you were." Her smile warmed as he gave a faltering sort of
nod, tilting his head as he stared at her. Yaddle wondered a bit what he was thinking but did not pry. "Yaddle my name is."
"Yaddle," Maul repeated with a nod of his head. "Thank you."
Yaddle gave him a nod in return, "My pleasure it was, Lord Maul. Happy I am that here you are. Well, your meditation goes?"
"Yes," Maul answered after a beat. "It is…difficult. I am always burning. But it is…it is good. I am gaining control…" he took a breath. "There is so much."
"Chwûq?"
"Yes," Maul nodded. "I have much to learn how to hate before I can turn my meditation to that which is deepest. Will you tell Tiq that I am working on his request, please?"
"Absolutely," Eeth said with a nod. "He was just in here, but he had to leave for a break."
Maul inclined his head slowly. "Will you tell him he does not have to expend too much energy upon my care? This…is not like the last time."
"Tell him not to worry we will," Yoda promised with a nod, her counterpart giving a teasing and gentle smile towards Maul.
Maul tilted his head slightly, "worry," he repeated in a way that suggested he was unfamiliar with it, but before they could say anything, there was a further spark of heat. Maul closed his eyes, took a breath, and gave them a brief bow, before he palmed the door closed once again.
Yaddle gave a soft hum her eyes narrowing thoughtfully. There was a pause before finally, Yaddle turned to the others. "Understand, I do," she said softly, "why delightful you find him. Pleased I am that we listened to the Force," she hummed, "that he lives and is here, a blessing it will be."
Yoda inclined his head with a smile. "Agree, I do."
Yaddle took a breath, and centered herself in meditation, falling alongside the other two.
Delightful he might be, but his presence was definitely rather strong.
Something to get used to, perhaps.
Something to learn.
Day 4
Saesee Tiin sat with Even Piell, Tiq, Yoda, Yaddle, Plo, and Eeth, all of them drifting in and out of meditation.
Maul's last dip into anger had lasted for a very long time, so long that Eeth had walked right out of his rooms, walked past the Guards with a brief salute, and kept going right into Yoda's room. Saesee only heard of it through the grapevine and had seen a glimpse of Eeth as he walked past him. He'd been very quick to offer his services when they had pooled, and he rather understood why now that he was here.
It felt a bit like sitting next to a pool of lava.
It warmed and it flowed. There were moments when it erupted into miasma and then slowly cooled down, but it never stopped burning. It was unsettling, but the lava felt a bit like it was finally cooling, like the eruptions had slowly faded, and finally, finally, smoke.
There was a shuddering gasp, and the heat pulled inwards as much as it could, before stopping. Saesee felt that heat slowly, slowly creep towards them, completely docile, as gentle and flitting as a warm breeze.
Saesee had not thought that would be possible, but Maul had talked about control with them, and it seemed that he had wrestled something down. As it was, Saesee gently reached out to that presence, letting it brush against him, feeling it hesitate for a moment, not quite recoiling, before thoughtfully returning, and then slipping away. Saesee felt the others reach as well, and finally it pulled back, pulling inward, and there was the sound of shuffling, a body leaning against the wall, a deep breath, and Maul palmed the door open.
The singular eye that he could see, Maul having leaned out just slightly to peer beyond the edge of the door, was bloodshot, the red that encased the iris seeming to spread out to the rest of the eye. Fever, was Saesee's first thought, fever and lack of sleep, one of which was very true, but as he took in the sweat that beaded on that forehead he thought that it might actually be true about the fever as well.
The Dark sustained; Maul had told the others. It did not look like it healed.
Maul hesitated at the door, all lanky teenager that wasn't entirely certain whether or not to come out in a way that he had not expected.
Though, Saesee could understand, it was a great deal more Jedi than Maul had ever been around before he had fallen into his own mind. Saesee had been with him during that time as well, though Maul had never reacted, perhaps understandably.
He had not had an opportunity to meet him due to his own hesitance and then bad timing.
Maul hesitated for a moment longer before finally stepping out, giving a brief nod to them, before tilting his head towards the refresher, walking towards it. Perfectly understandable really.
They returned to meditation, and a few minutes later Maul finally appeared again. Maul teetered slightly, before finally walking towards them deliberately. He still looked a bit sick, but it was obvious he'd taken the time to run likely cold water over himself, holding a towel hesitantly. Eeth kindly took it from him and put it where it needed to go when he held it out, before gesturing to an open chair.
"Do you have a moment?"
Maul closed his eyes, his attention turning inwards, before finally sinking down into it. He watched them closely, those feverish eyes darting carefully amongst them, and Saesee kept himself deliberately calm. They weren't trying to threaten him, not at all.
Maul finally looked directly to him and his gaze was strangely unnerving in a way he hadn't expected when it landed on him. Saesee thought it might be those Sith eyes combined with that feel, but there was still no threat in the Dark.
"I do not know you," he finally said softly, frowning.
"Saesee Tiin," he introduced with a nod of his head, and Maul returned it slowly. "Tiin or Saesee is fine, Darth Maul."
"Tiin," Maul repeated softly and turned his attention to Even, looking at him. "I do remember you…"
"I was there before…" Even trailed off and Maul inclined his head slowly.
"Yes," Maul frowned. "Even, yes?"
"That is correct, Darth Maul." Even grinned, "It is good to see you again. How goes your meditation?"
"Better," he answered after a brief pause, and he relaxed fully back into the seat, almost a bit like he could no longer hold himself so rigid. There was a level of trust in that movement that Saesee saw the others recognize. "I am managing to condense it. There's been so much it's been difficult to focus."
"Oh!" Tiq called out, and Saesee watched Maul's eyes dart to him, but there was no flinch. "Apologies," he said with a sheepish grin. "I had been meaning to ask, how does Sith Meditation work? What precisely are you attempting to do? You mentioned that it was not a cooldown, it was a reinforcement…"
"Yes," Maul answered. "It is…" Maul hesitated, shifting slightly, "taking an emotion, in my current case that emotion is Hate, though it does not have to be. Usually, it would be a simple matter of holding onto that specific emotion and stoking it higher until it is omnipresent. It is a reminder of why you…hate or fear something, driving it deeper until it can be called upon without hesitation."
"Does it have to be Hate or Fear?" Tiq asked.
"Positive emotions, warm emotions," Yaddle said softly, "used can they be?"
Maul was quiet for a moment, his fingers lacing together, a hesitance and a…
Saesee wondered at that hesitance.
"I am afraid I cannot answer that question with any level of expertise… I have never been given opportunity to try," he said finally, the words as clear as they were quiet.
There was silence.
Silence and they stared and…
"Is that because your Master…did not wish you to?"
Maul's mouth twisted slowly, teeth baring and then with a brief shrug, "I do not know that I have one that is strong enough to focus upon wholly. The emotion must be pure if I am to use it as an anchor and I…cannot think of one."
That silence turned somehow loud.
To have no…to have no memories of happiness…of warmth of… To not have a single pure memory of warmth to draw upon?
Maul was young but he was not that young, he was not… This was not something that Saesee had thought he would be hearing.
As the silence stretched, Maul looked up at them, that Dark reaching out, quizzically, uncertain… "Was I unclear?"
"Understand I believe we do," Yaddle said softly. "Wish otherwise I also believe we do."
Maul hesitated, frowning. "Why?"
"Deserved better you did," Yoda said his words equally soft, his gaze gentle.
Maul's expression shifted and for just a moment he looked a bit like he had the entire weight of the world on his shoulders, slumping deeper into the seat and finally, quietly, "this is another oddity then."
"Oddity?" Tiq repeated softly. "No, Maul. I think…I think the word I would use is tragedy."
Maul huffed before finally, quietly, "Very well. Then a tragedy it is. What use is it to me?"
"What…use?" Tiq asked.
"Is it something I can Hate?" Maul asked simply, those Sith eyes so dark, that red burning burning, "or is it something to fear?"
"I would say mourn; I believe…"
"Mourn," Maul repeated quietly. "What is this?"
Saesee could think of nothing to say. Could think of no… Tiq leaned forward then…
"Mourn is an action that is often attached to grief, or sadness."
"It is a type of pain then?"
Tiq was silent for a moment before giving a shallow nod. "Yes," he agreed. "Grief…sadness, mourning…they are often associated with pain. It is also associated with loss."
"Loss…"
"Of…" Tiq spread his hand, "a great many things. With you…I mourn the loss of a childhood, of a warm…were you held as a child?"
Maul frowned slightly, "there was a droid… I remember my Master picked me up to move me…"
"But it was not…sustained contact, it was not holding for the sake of holding you? Did this droid have anything to simulate warmth?"
Maul's frown deepened, "why?"
"Well…" Tiq cleared his throat, continuing on in a way that Saesee found admirable, his voice sure and strong, the way he was able to keep his emotions so still. "For a great number of reasons. For your development, for one. Children…need to be held. It causes a great deal of emotional issues if they are not. A lack of proper development of empathy, a…"
Maul closed his eyes for a moment, causing Tiq to trail off, before finally, softly, "empathy…"
"Being able to feel the emotions of others, to be able to understand what it is that someone else is feeling. There is sympathy, of course, which means that you feel sad, or…or…angry, or fearful because someone you are close to is also feeling such."
"Ah." Maul was quiet for a long time. "Can this…empathy be learned?"
"It…depends," Tiq said softly. "If it is a matter of a lack of vocabulary, of…of opportunity, which it very well may be, then it can be taught. But if it is…more engrained, if it is from a disorder, which is something that affects a person's day to day life in a way that they cannot help, there is a possibility that it is merely…how it is. But that does not mean that the person involved is a monster, or somehow lesser, or that they cannot be taught how not to hurt. Feeling is not everything, knowing is often enough. And even then, ultimately choosing is where it counts." Tiq spread a hand, "frankly in a lot of ways empathy means nothing to the ability to choose not to hurt. You may be able to empathize with what a person may be feeling, but if you choose to hurt that person anyway, then this empathy is not only hollow it is meaningless."
"It is a common…ability though?" Maul asked softly. "Something that most are able to do?"
Tiq inclined his head. "Yes," he agreed.
"Then it is something else taken from me."
Tiq closed his eyes and finally, "yes. I would say so. He took…so much from you. A childhood, warmth, happy fucking memories to…" Tiq breathed deep and let it out slow. "He took so much from you."
Maul hesitated, taking this in for a long moment and then softly, "Why do you want me to hate him?"
There was an offer in that question, one that Saesee saw that Tiq recognized as Tiq blinked, before looking up at him, and he smiled.
"I want you to hate him because he took a small boy and hurt him so badly and so deeply, he has ruined your ability to meditate in different ways. Because he took so much from you and hurt you in such a way that it is no longer something you can draw upon, because you have no idea that it was a hurt. Because he made you into the most brittle weapon possible. Because he threw you away. Because frankly if anyone deserves to hate him…it is you."
Maul took that in for a very long moment, quiet and still, and then there was a brief crackle of heat and Maul closed his eyes, giving a brief sharp hiss, before standing.
He wobbled there for a moment, looking very conflicted, before he finally gave a sharp nod. "I will…focus on this, then," he said softly, dropped into a low bow, and then turned, closing the door behind him.
The heat that poured felt distinctly like rage and hate and perhaps…
The slightest bit of loss.
A beat later and that all condensed, pulled down into a single point…and erupted.
Saesee had to hold back a flinch, the sudden heat and the sudden pressure erupting up so strongly… And it burned.
Tiq took a very shuddering breath, and slowly let it out.
"Hate him well, Maul," he whispered. "Hate him well…"
Saesee thought…that he honestly might agree.
And then he breathed it out and felt the others do the same. It was not for them to hold.
Morning - Day 6
Anakin was buzzing.
The fire that had been burning since sometime in the early morning on the fourth day was finally starting to die out, sometime in the quiet that was heading towards dawn and it felt a lot more…final than any of the other fires had been. Though, there had been talks that this had merely been the first stage, and the next would be a great deal more intense. As it was, this was perhaps going to be Anakin's only opportunity to see him, and he… Anakin needed to see him.
The Council had moved to Eeth's room, providing a barrier between the Dark and the rest of the Temple, mainly to keep the burn from scaring younglings like…well, himself, but they hadn't been able to hide it from Anakin. They couldn't hide anything from Anakin, not in the Force, and certainly not Maul.
When they had decided that Anakin was not in any danger, and that Maul himself would be of no threat they had agreed to it. As the fire finally died out without even smoke to mark its presence, Anakin looked to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, his expression filled with excitement.
A beat later and the comm crackled and both of his Teachers laughed aloud. Qui-Gon told them that they were coming and Obi-Wan stood up with him.
"Alright, come on."
They walked through the halls and Anakin was momentarily frightened at the realization that the burning seemed to have gone out entirely, but as he reached, he finally felt a glimmer of Maul's presence, a soft ember that was nearly drowned out amongst the pools that surrounded it. It shifted, startling at his presence, and then brushed against him. There was an impression of a thought, a reach, and then 'who then…are you?'
Anakin grinned. He hadn't known if he'd be able to touch the mind of a Sith in this way, wasn't sure if Maul would be able to reach him, if they would be too fundamentally different to make that connection, but the ease and the gentle softness of the question, the way there was no hurt and all of those sparks were contained, nice and gentle to keep from hurting him…
Anakin fought the smile down to something manageable, trying to make it seem like he hadn't just connected with a Sith in a way he…wasn't entirely certain he was allowed to do, and allowed himself the teasing answer of -
'You'll see~'
Maul's presence recoiled, something disgusted and annoyed in a way that he had never felt a Jedi's flashing through it, and the sheer honesty within it was momentarily thrilling, even if it did make him want to laugh. Then there was a sudden flash, that spark stabbed against him in a way that was not so much a knife as it was a finger jabbing at him in realization, in recognition.
'Smaller Brat.'
Anakin blinked, pushing 'what do you mean?' at him.
The presence laughed at him, pulled away, and that ember returned to its soft sparking and didn't respond to any of his attempts to get its attention.
Rude.
Worst of it was Anakin couldn't ask about it. He'd be admitting he connected with it.
They were going up towards Eeth's room, mostly walking in silence and it was…nice. Anakin really liked his Teachers and was slowly settling in their teaching styles. Primarily Qui-Gon of course, but Obi-Wan assisted where Qui-Gon had trouble and vice versa. It was good. It helped him learn, and he was doing so much better.
Til was a good friend and with her help he had enough of a repertoire of witty remarks that the last time a Padawan had tried to slight him he'd been holding back tears. Til had high fived him behind their Teacher's back. It had been a good day.
This was a better one.
They were going to see Maul, and Anakin had a gift. Though this time he thought it would be one that Maul could take. He knew that Maul was currently in a fast, so he could not bring the ice cream that he had originally planned on, but there were many tricks to keep cool on a desert planet, and though he wasn't sure if Maul would be able to use it or not, as he didn't know how important the heat was, the gel pack would at least help to keep him cool.
As they got closer to Eeth's rooms Anakin realized he could hear a…if not particularly loud, certainly adamant discussion, realizing as he watched that the Guards had the doors open and were peering in as well, every so often giving their own opinions.
"What's happening here, then?" Qui-Gon asked with a raised brow, and the three of them sped up to take a look into the room to see the Council in an argument, Maul sitting on the floor with his back to Plo, a wet towel wrapped around his shoulders as he listened.
Maul did…not look that well. Not really. His gaze was feverish, and he looked close to falling asleep where he sat, and the idea of the Dark Side as a sickness was enforced, just a little bit. At the same time, though, a lot of him looked very satisfied, and that spark that he could feel now that he was closer, was warm and almost…amused?
And then the conversation registered, and Anakin wanted to laugh aloud.
"Skip it he should," Yoda was saying, "no use he is getting, irrelevant it is."
"But," Plo retorted, "just because he is not getting any use out of it now does not mean that there is no use to it at all."
"Understand the use, do you?" Yaddle challenged.
Plo held a finger up to respond, before finally sighing and putting it down once Maul turned to look up at him. "No," Plo grumbled.
"Then you shouldn't expect him to try and get something out of it that even you don't get," Adi said gently, but there was a smile in her gaze.
"I have been amazed at his insight before," Plo returned, and Anakin watched Maul momentarily blink, his chin tilting up as he momentarily gave into surprise, and then ducking back down again. That ember felt…pleased. Plo sighed, before looking to Maul directly. "You don't even find the songs amusing?"
Maul finally turned and stared at him, not saying a single word, and Plo laughed.
"Skip it then, they're right, I truthfully believe that there must be something to that man with the River Lady as his wife, but I frankly have never understood it. Though I do have a question."
Maul made a soft noise, waiting.
"Do you believe that his ability to banish the ring is indicative of a command over the Dark or the use of the Dark?"
There was silence.
Maul rubbed his face. "Provided that his own power was enough there is every potential that he was able to subdue it under his own control of the Dark itself… But I do not know that this would be the case. It seemed to me like it was more of a command."
"Perhaps," Plo sighed, and then he noticed them, "Oh, hello." He smiled and Anakin grinned back, entering with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. "Apologies, we were having a discussion. Please come in."
"Thank you," came their agreement and they walked forward, after a moment joining Maul in sitting on the floor, though staying far enough away that they were not crowding him.
Anakin was buzzing. Outside of the moment when he had first seen him – and that was a moment Anakin did not want to remember much – this was the first time that he had been within touching distance. Before there was always something between them, be it transparisteel or ray shield. The temptation to ask for a hug was very strong, but he thought it was best to wait for that. He did not want to overwhelm him.
"How is your meditation going, Lord Maul?" Obi-Wan asked then, smiling.
"Well," Maul answered with a brief dip of his head, "I have finished the first level. All that is left is the…" he hesitated, his eyes lingering on Anakin for a moment before he frowned slightly. "Well. The next part, all of this will not be necessary," he gestured around at the Council, and that frown turned into a grimace. "I do still…"
"There's no need for an apology," Depa said with a shake of her head. "We meant it when we said that you would be able to make a choice. The consequence of this choice meant that we need to work to contain the Dark to this room, but nothing and no one has been hurt and it has been an…enlightening experience."
"We have learned much," Oppo agreed, holding up a long finger, smiling through his beard, "and I daresay that you have gained much."
"Yes," Maul answered with a nod. "And I will not have to reach this level again."
"So, you won't burn?" Anakin asked.
"No," Maul answered. "I shall not burn. That level of heat is thankfully unnecessary now, that level is finished. The next should not feel like much of anything, though it will be deeper and I may be within it for longer periods before I come out of it."
Anakin made a brief annoyed sound, "Aw, I should have gotten this to you earlier."
"Gotten what?" Maul asked, tilting his head.
Anakin held up the cooling pack, showing it to him. "It's not much, but it keeps you cool. My mom showed me how to make it."
Maul frowned at it, "you could still give it to me."
"I thought you said you weren't going to burn?" Anakin frowned.
"Yes, but I am definitely still burning now…" Maul stretched himself roughly. "It lingers more than I thought it would."
Anakin beamed and stood up, walking towards him, and holding it out. "You put it on the base of your neck," he explained. "My mom always wrapped it in a towel, but you can put it directly on your skin if you need to."
Maul took it from him and held the towel for a moment before shrugging and pressing it against the back of his neck, his eyes closing a beat afterwards. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Anakin smiled, and it took Maul staring up at him with a brow slowly arching for him to realize he was hovering. "Sorry," he said, taking a step back and then hesitated, closing his eyes, before finally, softly, "am I allowed to hug you?" and forced his eyes to open in order to gauge Maul's response.
Maul blinked, his expression going very blank, looking for a moment as though he had never expected the question, and…really Anakin could understand and he found himself wanting to back away, growing very shy underneath that unyieldingly still expression. Not even the spark revealed anything, not really, it just burned.
"I…" Maul hesitated, "do not…know?"
"You are not going to hurt him, are you?" Qui-Gon asked him, and Maul's gaze snapped to his for a moment, a brief sneer sliding across his face before it died again, and his brows pinched, before he finally shook his head. "I don't have any problem with it then. Though, Anakin, do mind his horns. And he has to say whether or not he wants it."
Anakin nodded immediately, beaming at Maul who…
"I have to…"
"Of course," Plo said gently, gaining Maul's attention. "Bodily autonomy is important, your ownership of yourself… If you do not wish to be touched, I'm quite certain young Skywalker would not touch you."
Anakin immediately nodded, so hard and so strongly he thought his head might wobble off, but he couldn't help it. This was another thing he remembered about Blood Slaves – their bodies were often used so often in the service of their Master's quest for blood that their own ownership of it was…strained. Maul took this in for a long moment and then frowned at him.
"You will have to guide me through this," he said finally, roughly, "I have only done it once."
Anakin felt a bit like all of the wind had been stripped from his sails, felt the similar stillness in the others, recognizing briefly that Plo had balled his hands into fists behind him. "Okay," he said then, breathing the emotion out and doing his best to smile. "You're taller than me, so you should probably get onto your knees, right? I think that the best hugs are when you're close to level, but you can also pick the shorter person up and hold them close, but that's only for the close friends, and the ones you know won't mind. I like those ones, but we should probably do something less intense at first."
"I see," Maul said easily, and there was the hint of something teasing in that voice, even as there was some part of him that was taking this very seriously. Maul moved to sit on his knees properly, and this part it seemed that he knew, because once he had brought himself to roughly Anakin's level, he opened his arms to him.
Anakin didn't hesitate, he threw himself into him, feeling Maul tense, jerking his head back, careful of his horns, and there was a part of him that wanted to apologize, but the rest of him just wanted to hold him, and that part was winning.
Anakin felt Maul's tension slowly give and he held him back. Maul was warm, feverish heat mixed with a Zabrak's natural heat, which meant he really was burning, but Anakin didn't care, he carefully lowered his head onto Maul's shoulder, feeling the wet and cold of the towel and the gel pack that was underneath. Maul's hands shifted, following his lead, but his head did not lower, those horns still a danger to him, though he did feel the slight press of a jaw against his ear. It was the closest he could get, and Anakin almost wept.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I did not mean to order you. I didn't mean…I'm sorry."
Maul stilled for a moment, and then gently, that ember reached out to him softly – 'it is alright,' it whispered, rough and crackling with heat, with warmth, 'it was better for me, and I do not blame you. I know fear. I do not blame you for temporarily giving into it, little Jedi. You are still learning.'
Anakin really did start weeping, and that was when Maul stilled, before carefully pushing him back, staring at him with wide and, "Why are you leaking? I do not understand, did I hurt you?"
"No!" Anakin managed, almost wailing, covering his eyes, "I'm just so…hap~py, thaaank you!"
Maul was staring at him with wide eyes, his expression completely baffled. "I…you…what?"
Qui-Gon was approaching then, and there was laughter in his voice, even as he carefully picked Anakin up, holding him close. "Don't worry, Lord Maul," he said softly, "it's a normal reaction. He's been under a lot of stress. It is not your fault at all."
Maul sunk back into his original cross-legged position, that ember still giving barely a flicker, and stared after the both of them like they were crazy, but soon brushed it off. And then he had a moment where his attention went inwards, considering. "I told you the other day that I could not think of a positive emotion to focus on wholly in meditation," he said after a beat, and Anakin realized how still the other members of the Council got. Yoda, Eeth, Even, Saesee, Yaddle and Plo particularly turned their attention to him very suddenly. "I realize I misspoke. I do have one."
"Thought of one you did?"
"Yes," Maul said finally, but whatever it was he did not say, though… Maul did lean closer to Plo for a moment.
Plo sat still, and then his head rose, realization visible, and those hands fisted, before one of them opened, reaching out well within Maul's vision. Maul took it in for a moment, before allowing his head to dip towards it. A horn was hooked in those long fingers, squeezed, and Maul closed his eyes, before finally pulling away.
"When do you have to start your second phase?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Soon," Maul answered, looking up to him.
"Is there anything for us to look out for?" Adi asked.
Maul frowned for a moment, "I will be going very deep into meditation, and it is possible I will not come out for days at a time, particularly once I manage to connect with…well."
"You're being very circular about this," Obi-Wan said then, smiling.
"You have a youngling that has barely begun to imprint the intrinsic nature of your Order within him. Why would you wish me to confuse him with my own?"
"Actually…" Obi-Wan blinked, "that's very thoughtful of you, thank you."
Maul raised a brow imperiously but said nothing in return. "Regardless, it is possible that when I do come out of the meditation before these last four days are up, I will not be…entirely there. I will not cause harm, I have no malice within me, and my…I am stable. I may, however, answer questions or do things that I…would not otherwise wish to… Please be careful with what you ask of me."
There was an immediate agreement to this, and Maul nodded.
"I believe…I will start now. You will not need to bring the entire Council into this again. I thank you for your leniency," He bowed forward, his horns pressed to the ground, before finally standing up and returning to the room that still echoed with the burning.
There was a pause, waiting momentarily for something to spark, for a flash of heat…
Nothing.
And then…that ember seemed to wink out. Anakin felt his stomach lurch, Plo carefully palming open the door.
Maul sat there, obviously very deep in meditation, unmoving, not even registering the opening of the door, but that ember did give them a very careful wink, before once again fading out.
Still here, it seemed to say, and it was…it was good.
"That…" Obi-Wan said roughly, "is actually rather impressive…"
There was a pause as they took this in, and Anakin smiled finally. Four more days and Maul would be out.
He hoped Maul'd let him hug him again. He promised to himself that next time he wouldn't cry on him.
Evening – Day 8
Tiq was humming to himself quietly, following Eeth as they walked to his rooms. Interestingly enough, once Maul had focused further on his Wodza, the burning that they'd been worried would leach into Eeth's rooms had faded as well, drawing stone-cold and silent, much like the one who concentrated it.
Maul had not moved from that spot in two days, and Tiq was beginning to wonder if he would need to see if Maul could be roused at all, but when they palmed open the door Maul was standing there with his back to them, staring out the windows.
Eeth had large windows in his rooms, ones taking up nearly the entire wall, staring out into the west. The sun was setting, painting the rooms in reds and golds, Maul standing out as a silhouette against it.
"Lord Maul?" Tiq said softly, walking forward quietly, Eeth joining him.
Maul turned slowly, staring at him, his gaze hazy, those glowing Sith eyes staring at him out of a face that was otherwise drowned in shadow.
"Do you remember me?" he asked gently.
Maul stared at him for a moment, his expression neutral, that empty feeling still deep within him. "Tiq," Maul said softly, watching him quietly, "your name is Tiq, and you are Eeth. You are helping me."
"Yes," Tiq answered with a smile. "You told me to be careful with questions…"
"I did," he agreed.
"How long will you be moving?"
Maul was quiet for a moment, closing his eyes, "not long," he said softly. "But I had missed the windows."
"The windows?" Eeth asked softly.
"My Master took them from me," he said, "when I was young. He changed my room, and it was bigger, but there was no…window. I could no longer see out." His attention had turned back to the wide windows, a hand reaching out and pressing against the transparisteel, still staring out. "I missed it. I painted it on the wall…in blood…I had been…beaten savagely and I wanted…I wanted out so badly. He threw me out. He threw me out with a broken arm, and when I got back, they had to break it once more. I got out. It was not…nice… This is…better. Though I do not like your chains. You will…eventually remove them. He would not have…"
Maul fell silent, swaying slightly, his forehead dipping close to the window and Tiq made a very solemn promise to himself that he would not introduce Maul to paint. Pencils, clay…other things…but there was too much chance for a PTSD response.
He also cursed himself quietly. They had not been as careful with the questions as he had hoped and wherever Maul's actual mind was right now, it was at that honest stage where anything could be said.
Tiq walked forward and guided him back gently, and also made a promise to himself that they would see with getting him into a new cell…
And this one would have windows.
Though these, he thought…would probably face east.
Day 10
Maul came to with a gasp, feeling everything snapping in place within him like a jigsaw puzzle that had found a missing piece. His entire body thrummed with power and control, heat and warmth, and he was…
Whole.
Maul's Chwûq was settled, his Wodza was locked in place. Maul would not burn unless he willed himself to. Maul would not hurt unless he wanted to.
The hard part had finally finished. The only thing left was to break his fast, and most likely get some actual sleep.
Maul stood up on slightly wobbly legs, feeling the hunger that he had not allowed himself to feel for the entire time and knowing that he would be allowed to eat. Maul…shook his head slightly as he finally walked forward to press his hand on the switch to open Eeth's door for perhaps the final time.
Tiq, Plo, Eeth, Mace, and Yoda were waiting for him, with the addition of Depa and Yaddle.
Maul bowed to them, low and sweeping, and was momentarily surprised when they bowed back.
He took a breath and followed where they would take him, knowing that eventually he would have to put the collar back on, but for now…they would let him complete the ritual.
It was…better than he expected, more than he had ever thought he would get…
It was good.