New chapter on friday, like whaaat? Anyway, I'll be busy this weekend so, as the chapter was ready, I decided to post it. As of now, if you're not up to date with Black Clover, spoilers starts here - I still don't know if I'll follow the whole story, since that's not the focus here, but for sure some things will be in the fanfic. Oh, and this chapter was the saddest so far...
For reference, the songs 'Inverno dei fiori' and 'La vita breve dei coriandoli' by Michele Bravi helped with the atmosphere.
Let's cry together.
See you all next week!
[Black Clover characters' belongs to Yūki Tabata]
[I'm also on AO3 with the same username]
CHAPTER 8
Burden
Nozel P.O.V.
Mother was getting weaker and weaker, as the days passed and turned into almost endless months of pain, I watched her glow fade more and more into a grimace of agony, especially when she thought I wasn't looking.
Acier Silva, the 'Steel War Princess' as all her subordinates and admirers used to call her, was always smiling, even on the worst days of the curse, when pain forced her to stay in bed all day, without even having the strength to look through the window to catch a glimpse of Solid playing in the garden, something that comforted her.
But she kept her smile just to spare me, for I knew what would come… And I didn't want to be spared; I didn't want her to treat me like a child in her final days.
- She looks better today - Nebra said, leaning against our mother's bed - doesn't she?
My sister came here every day, and the servants told me that she was the one who stayed with our mother every time I left to try to find a way to put an end to this cruel fate that was woven for her. Nebra must have seen a lot by now, but she always leaned on me in hopes that it would all get better one day. She still didn't see the veil that was being placed over our mother, and I didn't want to spoil that little glimmer of hope she still had.
- Of course it does - I struggled to say - you combed her hair, it makes her happy.
- We have the same hair - Nebra smiled slightly, her flowing skirt swaying with the wind coming through the window.
I always kept it open in the mornings to air the room, and to take away the smell of sickness and sorrow that surrounded my mother, even the noise that sometimes echoed through the halls of the castle that bothered me before brought me a little peace now.
I stared out the window for a few minutes I think, not long before I lost control of my senses and ended up dozing off in my chair, only to be woken up by Nebra.
- What? What happened? - I asked scared, getting up immediately.
- We're fine! - Nebra hastened to say, even if 'fine' didn't have the same meaning now. "Our mother was fine," she wanted to say that she hadn't died yet. - You need to sleep.
- I can sleep here - I replied - no problem.
- Brother Nozel... - Nebra insisted.
I saw it in her eyes that she wouldn't give up. But she was right, I hadn't rested since my last trip to try to unravel something about this curse... But everything got harder when you couldn't express exactly what you were looking for...
- I'm going to get some sleep - I told Nebra - but wake me up as soon as she wakes, okay?
- Yes brother - Nebra nodded, taking my place in the chair, which was more comfortable than kneeling on the floor.
Even standing, it took me a while to move as I watched Nebra get some water from the basin that sat on the dresser next to our mother's bed and gently bath her face with the help of a towel.
"How long would it take?", I thought, "How long did I have before the worst happened?".
- Since you don't want to sleep, you could write a letter to your fiancée - Nebra said - she doesn't stop sending us notes.
- Sure - I said - my fiancée.
I walked out of the room with my head down, looking at the marble drawings on the floor that led me to exactly where I was supposed to go: baby Noelle's room.
My mother didn't even have the strength to nurse her after we got back to the castle, so I made arrangements to have a maid staying with her at all times, ready to feed and clean her when needed.
The maid was reading when I arrived, but when she saw me she got up from her chair and left, leaving us alone.
I walked over to Noelle's crib with heavy and slowly steps and looked at the chubby, silver-haired little creature that slept on her silk sheets. There was no concern on her face, and why should be? She didn't even know how to speak or express herself properly, she wouldn't even remember what happened after her birth...
But I would... And those memories would haunt me forever... Breaking me inside forever.
- Master Nozel?
I was crying when I heard the voice of the maid, who was now back in the room, my tears falling onto Noelle's pillow. I didn't want to stain her with my sadness.
I backed away from the crib and left the room, ignoring the maid in her cheap white linen skirts, this time heading towards my quarters, to suffer alone and in silence, with the problems that were mine and mine alone.
A letter from Corinna arrived just as I layed in my bed. It was like she guessed every time I was in the room—but sometimes I suspected she opened a small portal when I wasn't looking to monitor me. Anyway, she shoved these letters through these little portals when she wanted to hand them to me directly, which meant their contents couldn't be known to anyone else, something that would once fill me with euphoria...
But even her I had been ignoring for the last few months, or at least trying to stop thinking of her as something indispensable in my life since soon I would be a noble with no prospects...
- She would die if I told her - I told myself, my eyes slowly closing, - and then I would die twice...
I wanted to see her so badly, even though I knew it would be wrong to fill her with my problems and worries. I wanted to see Corinna, I wanted her to bring some color back to my life along with her green hair.
But then I remembered the faces of Leon and his sister when they both came to visit. Mereoleona was tough and knew how to hide her feelings, but Leon wasn't like that, not yet—the moment he saw my mother he knew she was marked for death and he couldn't hide the pity he felt for me. I didn't want that from him.
And what face would Corinna make when she saw me like this?
- She doesn't even know her father turned me down as a potential fiancé - I sighed, and this time the sigh was heavy, the air rushing in and out of my body like poison – and that everyone is already waiting for the fall of the Silva family.
They were all vultures, all of them, waiting for my mother's death to pounce on me and my brothers. I had heard stories about it, of noble and decent houses that with the death of their elders had their descendants deceived and robbed, with nothing but the clothes they wore.
Was Alsius Alstroemeria one of them?
Would he wait for my downfall, take everything I have and then throw his daughter into the arms of the Vermillions? It was a good plan after all, a plan I would follow if I were into his position.
Suddenly another letter from Corinna appeared, dancing through the air until it landed on my face.
She was waiting for me.
Apparently a dungeon had appeared in one of the forests that surrounded the Forsaken Realm, it wasn't official yet, but Leon had heard some Crimson Lion squad knights talking about it and of course he ran to warn Corinna - as usual trying to get any attention whatsoever. And we both knew Corinna too well to know that she wanted to peek, even from afar, how a real dungeon looked like.
- You should go - my mom said, she had just woken up and Nebra was a good girl to have called me right away.
I held my mother's hand carefully, as if it might break at any moment, her once warm and firm fingers were now cold, as if she were made of rubber.
- There's no reason for me to go - I replied - Leon will be there.
- But they are your friends - she sighed - you must be with them and not by my side all the time.
She patted my hand, a smile on her face, trying hard to keep her purple eyes open and looking happy.
I struggled to keep my expression steady.
There was a portal opened by Corinna in the back of my room. In her letter she said she would keep it open until I made a decision.
- You can make another proposal later - my mother said, she tried to adjust the pillow on her back, but I was faster, accommodating her better - Alsius is stubborn, but he doesn't want his daughter to be unhappy.
I nodded silently; the truth was that since this curse had fallen upon my family, I wasn't sure Corinna would be happy with me anymore.
When the door opened, Nebra was back, this time leading Solid by the hand, while the maid held baby Noelle in her arms. The scene made my mother smile, for real this time, as seeing all her children together made her feel lighter.
- I'll be back soon - I told her.
My mother nodded. Nebra had really done a good job of combing her hair, leaving it looking like the days when she fought and commanded an entire squad. She would be fine for now.
I didn't even pay attention to what I was wearing before heading back to my room and walking through the portal, just put on sturdier boots.
Corinna was leaning forward, looking through what appeared to be a large hole in the ground, shaped like the mouth of a volcano. His arms and knees braced on the earth as his head was almost entering forbidden territory.
Leon, who would usually be telling her to get back to the safety area, looked just as mesmerized as she was, looking curiously at what was down there.
- You two will end up falling like that.
My words finally made them both turn around and notice that I was already there. The portal behind me automatically closed as soon as Corinna saw me, but I hadn't looked at her yet. My attention first went to Leon, I wanted to know how he would look at me now, if he still felt pity or not?
At first he looked happy and surprised to see me, but then he seemed to remember what I was facing, and his sharp eyes soon changed.
I really hated that.
- You came! - Corinna threw her arms around my neck suddenly, I was not prepared, so I stumbled and fell to the dirt floor, being saved by the abundant grass full of flowers of that inhospitable place that smelled of poverty and lack of magic.
Why would a dungeon appear right here, in this poor place? Probably the Crimson Lion squad had seen some buried construction and misunderstood all, as usual.
I hesitated to touch Corinna at first, it was awkward with Leon right there and he would never do something like that with me present, but I soon buried my face on her neck, trying to absorb some of that endless enthusiasm.
- I'm sorry to keep you waiting - I said - it's just...
Corinna got up, getting to her feet with Leon's help, there was some blood in her nose.
- What happened?! - I got up at once, pulling Leon away from Corinna and holding her face - Did you get hurt?!
- I've been holding the portal for too long, that's all, but it doesn't matter - she smiled, taking a handkerchief from her cloak pocket and wiping the blood. But it wasn't just that, the skin under the black pearl necklace she wore looked reddened, but I wouldn't say anything about that now.
Corinna seemed to realize that I noticed, as she pulled up the collar of her cloak up.
- She's fine, but I almost fell into the dungeon thanks to the portal she made for me - Leon said.
- It was a little miscalculation - Corinna said.
- So you open portals in his room too? - I asked, releasing her. It was stronger than me.
- Not in my room - Leon said - in the courtyard. Corinna is able to open portals across the Common Realm, after that I brought her here, luckily the location isn't that far away.
- It's the first time I come to the Forsaken Realm! - Corinna smiled, looking excited - I don't know exactly where we are, but the demon's skull is in that direction, I wanted so much to go there!
- But it's too far - Leon lowered the finger she pointed somewhere on the outskirt of the Clover Kingdom - and I hear it is just in an undeveloped village, there's nothing much to look at.
Corinna rolled her eyes. She always listened to Leon, even more than to me.
The two continued to talk, perhaps trying to lighten the atmosphere as it had been every time we met, but that made me more annoyed than relieved.
- I'm glad nothing has changed between you two.
The two stopped and looked at me.
- But you know, I don't have time for this anymore, to play with you two, to go traveling simply because I'm bored at home...
Leon glanced at me, again with his rueful gaze. But when I looked at Corinna the feeling was even worse, she was trying hard to be herself, to try to make me comfortable - I knew that idea of seeing a dungeon could only be hers, to get me out of the house a little bit, but I wasn't ready, and when I saw the same pity look of Leon in her eyes I just wanted to hide.
- I shouldn't have come - I said with a sigh.
- Nozel... - Corinna approached me - Please stay.
I avoided looking at her with a suffocating feeling in my throat as I wanted to scream the name of the one who was slowly killing my mother...
I wanted Corinna and Leon's help… I wanted so badly to have someone to share this burden with.
Corinna took my hand, but I pushed it away because her touch burned. I didn't want to tell her how sad I was, how humiliating it had been to be rejected by her father and how many people were expecting me to fail from here on out.
- You're pissing me off - I said, with my back to them so they wouldn't see my tears - both of you.
- But Nozel... - Corinna tried again, I heard she tried to walk towards me, but something stopped her, probably Leon.
- Leave him, Corinna - Leon said - make a portal for him.
I closed my eyes, waiting for Corinna to stop crying and pull herself together, until the portal was created in front of me and I could see my empty room again.
- I don't want to see you two anymore, okay? - I said, leaving out the most important part...
I didn't want to see them to not contaminate them, to not put them in danger. Being alone would be best for me right now, so I walked through the portal back home, having only a small glimpse of Corinna being comforted by Leon.