Chapter 4: Will of Fire
The kinds of things she thought about, she couldn't speak about, couldn't even write down; she hadn't touched her journal in months. They floated in her mind, loud and incessant. Sakura tried to outrun them, out-train them. Instead, she found herself in a cemetery, cleaning headstones and tracing death dates, and finally gave into them. No longer blocked by work or distractions, they rushed out like a roaring river, drowning her in hopelessness.
She'd talked to Tsunade, begged her mentor to arrest the surviving Elders who colluded with Danzō and the Sandaime to sanction the Uchiha Clan Massacre. Tsunade-shishou only shook her head distractedly, told Sakura she needed time to consider her options and find the right angle.
She found out where Kakashi lived, banged on his front door until he opened it, and demanded he use whatever black-ops connections he had to take care of what the Hokage would not. He held his breath, then sighed aloud, and Sakura knew his answer would be noncommittal before he even opened his mouth. Years of only seeing one weary gray eye taught her how to guess his thoughts; now that she could see two of them, she knew.
She wrote draft after draft of anonymous letters to the media, outing the village and its leadership for slaying the Uchiha and failing to take accountability. For failing the sole survivor of their clan. She made the mistake of telling Naruto though, and he nervously suggested they at least wait for the trial and show some restraint in the meantime. Shocked to find herself behaving more foolishly than Uzumaki Naruto, Sakura ripped them all up.
Once she found out Shikamaru was one of the three chosen to be in the private jury of Sasuke's trial, she interrupted their Sunday game of shogi and told him everything. Everything. He didn't mutter the word troublesome once, but she lost track of how many cigarettes he lit and left unfinished. His cryptic words of advice rang hollow in her ears, leaving her more frightened instead of less.
The only chance she had to make a difference was in her testimony at the upcoming trial, but for whatever self-sabotaging reason, Sasuke had sworn to ruin even that.
Sakura sat there, out of options and out of time. For years, she'd trained tirelessly, devoted to one cause and one dream: never again would she stand in the back, staring ahead at others with more power and more control, while she looked on, hopeless. Useless. For a moment, for one battle, she'd done it. She'd led the charge and fought fearlessly.
Yet she was right back to where she started. Surrounded by powerful people, acutely aware that she was powerless herself. Surrendering to their whims, waiting for their decisions. In some ways, she felt more useless than before.
Sakura struggled to come to terms with it. She swallowed a self-loathing that was more bitter than kuding cha tea, than darkest chocolate or amaranth leaves.
Shouldn't she be used to its acrid taste?
Winter arrived in Konohagakure with an unusually frigid cold front. Sakura exhaled and her breath appeared before her, a vapor of white that drifted onto the tombstone she faced. There had to be something she could say. There had to be something she could do.
.
.
.
.
He might as well have been staring into a sea of faces that belonged to strangers. After eight weeks in isolation, with only visits from Sakura and masked ANBU for consistent company, the Trial Room felt too large but too crowded. He didn't need his chakra to sense their hostility: it was thinly veiled in every exchange of eye contact, in each murmured remark. But Kami, did he fucking want it. Being trapped in Konoha without his chakra- without his Sharingan- was like being capped at the knees.
If there was any silver lining, it was in the real bath and clean change of clothes that he'd been allowed to take beforehand. Then Kakashi brought him to the Hokage Tower, awkwardly apologizing for the handcuffs but otherwise convincingly casual about the whole affair. Sasuke wouldn't admit it, but he was relieved to see his old sensei instead of the others. Naruto and Sakura wouldn't hide their nerves like Kakashi did.
Sasuke simultaneously paid attention to everything and nothing, observing any potential threat but ignoring all insignificant talk and intrusive staring. This was no traditional court room setting, but a plain conference room with only one large, rectangular table. The Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade, sat at the head, dressed in the traditional robes and oversized hat of a kage. Kakashi sat at her right, a distinguished placement the Uchiha noted. The seat to her left was kept unoccupied.
Naruto and Sakura were absent, but the replacement wasn't. The dark-haired shinobi was stationed at the door, standing leisurely with an easy, strange smile. His relaxed demeanor didn't match his gloved fists or tantō blade strapped to his back. The others sat at the table: two Elders on the left, three jōnin on the right.
Sasuke, the accused, was made to sit at the other end of the table, two ANBU flanked behind him. They stood annoyingly close.
"Alright, let's get this over with," the Hokage announced unceremoniously.
She waved a hand to the replacement, who nodded absently before exiting the room and closing the door behind him.
"Uchiha Sasuke," Tsunade began stonily.
He looked directly across at her. She was stern and unreadable, hard hazel eyes peering from beneath the ridiculous red-and-white hat.
"You sit here accused of treason and betrayal, conspiracy with a known enemy, Orochimaru, collusion with the criminal organization, Akatsuki, kidnapping and attempted murder of an elite shinobi and junchuriki from Kumogakure, sabotage of the Five Kage Summit and attempted assassination, murder-assassination of the Hokage-Elect, Shimura Danzō, and attempted murder of previous teammates and Leaf shinobi, Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura. In every count, you've failed to remain loyal to Konoha. How do you plea?"
The only decoration in the room was hung high behind the Hokage, a fire-gold banner with stark white stitching of the Hidden Leaf symbol. Instead of looking at these people, Sasuke looked at it.
His loyalty had never been to the village, but to his vengeance. He thought he'd end up dead before he ended up on trial, but a part of him always knew it'd be one or the other. This moment had been in the making since he was seven years old. It'd been sealed into his fate the night he left Sakura on that bench.
Sasuke didn't hesitate. "Guilty."
.
.
"Well, look at it this way," Sai offered without prompting. "It'll be decided soon. Then you won't have to worry anymore."
Sakura tensed. She refused to rise to the bait. "You know it's not that simple."
He eyed her for a minute, considering. "Yeah, I know."
The unspoken hung in the air between them. Though Danzō was dead, the Elders were not. There was no love lost between Sai and what Root had done to him. Sakura changed the subject.
"Come on," she whispered conspiratorially. "Tell me what you've overheard."
All day long, Sai had been stationed outside the door of the Trial Room. Sakura was scheduled to testify at sundown, but she arrived early to try and assess the situation.
"I'm sure I'm not supposed to do that."
Sakura reached for his arm and pulled him away from the door. "And I'm sure you're going to anyway."
Sai appraised her. Then, after a quick glance back to the closed door and barely distinguishable voices parrying back and forth behind it, he stepped toward her.
"Well, it's not what I expected," Sai admitted.
Fear lanced through her. "What? What do you mean?"
Sai didn't appear concerned, though. "I understand now why the Godaime delayed the trial, why she sent Kakashi to Otagakure. Why they waited for you to confide in Shikamaru before they asked him to plan the order of the testimonies."
Sakura blinked, staring stupidly. She knew none of that. From the outside looking in, it seemed like both Tsunade and Kakashi had taken a laissez-faire approach to the whole ordeal. As if their hands were strapped and there was truly nothing they could do.
Sai continued on, oblivious to her confusion.
"It makes sense now, why they didn't refuse the Elders when they insisted on joining. Why they chose Kurenai to be on the jury."
"Um," Sakura started, unsure where to start. "I don't understand—"
Sai misunderstood and only explained his last observation.
"Because she's pregnant with Sarutobi Hiruzen's grandchild, she'll feel a degree of complicity. At least, complicit enough to demand accountability."
Sakura felt like her head was spinning. "Wait. What does Kurenai's pregnancy have to do with Sasuke?"
Sai hesitated. He discretely looked at the nearby ANBU guards, close but not within hearing distance. Still, he lowered his voice.
"That's the thing, Ugly. It isn't only Uchiha who's on trial. The Elders are too."
Sakura's eyes widened to saucers. "How?"
Sai straightened up. "It's Tsunade-sama. She can't say the elders are at fault, not without committing political suicide. They would figure out how to dispose of her before she had the chance to bring any formal charges against them. But she hasn't had to say anything. She hasn't spoken a word since it's started. The testimony speakers are doing it all for her."
Sakura shook her head. "Who? Who did Kaka-sensei find in Oto?"
"Random women and children mostly, but credible ones. They've all attested that Uchiha Sasuke didn't kill innocents in Sound. That he even exercised restraint where Orochimaru would not."
She felt a pang in her heart, but moved on. "Who else? I mean, why does it matter the order Shikamaru decided on?"
All she knew was that Naruto and her were last.
"It speaks to his motivations," Sai explained. "His team testified next. Team Taka."
His team. Sai either didn't see, or more likely, chose not to acknowledge how she flinched. Sakura's throat felt dry, stuffed with cotton.
Sai seemed impressed with the trial proceedings though, a rare display of honest thoughts, and Sakura tried to take that for what it was worth.
"You see, Tsunade set the board, Shikamaru moved the pieces, then Ibiki called the game. There's ample proof that Uchiha Sasuke never seriously injured or fatally wounded anyone in Sound. He trained under the Traitor sannin, but there's no evidence he conspired with Orochimaru against the Leaf."
"Alright," Sakura nodded slowly, worried. "But- all his other crimes."
They were not insignificant.
Sai smiled. It was a true, genuine smile. She trusted Sai nowadays, but given the circumstances, it still made her skin crawl.
"You see, Ugly. That's what Ibiki said after Team Taka testified. None of Uchiha's serious crimes began until after he discovered what the village had done to his brother and the rest of his clan. Only then did he act out aggressively toward the Leaf."
Which wouldn't excuse the crimes, Sakura reasoned, but might be enough reason for lenience. For the first time in weeks, Sakura felt like she could breathe.
"And- and Kurenai?" Sakura asked, trying to put together all the other pieces.
She wanted to know how in the hell Sai had gathered all this intel while she'd been struggling for scraps, but that would have to be a conversation for another time.
"Well, she's suddenly become the Traitor's self-appointed champion. You can hear her louder than the rest," Sai answered, almost amused. "I'm certain she won't vote for any severe penalties. She says he's just a boy who fell victim to unspeakable circumstances that the village leadership created."
Slowly, Sakura came to appreciate the stroke of genius that was placing Yūhi Kurenai as a juror. A pregnant woman flooded with hormones, a baby kicking in her belly, was more likely to be compassionate and see the accused as a child. Not only that, but she carried a Sarutobi heir in her womb. Asuma's child. If anyone knew Asuma's heart for the Leaf and the content of his conflicts with his father, it was Kurenai. She'd want to honor the legacy and life of the Sarutobi with justice, not be complicit in covering up how it'd been tainted.
"Alright," Sakura said, and allowed herself to feel a small semblance of hope. "Thank you, Sai. I know you have mixed feelings about him."
She didn't really know what else to say, but she offered a smile in gratitude.
He appeared thoughtful. "That's no longer true."
Sakura raised a brow, but waited for him to explain.
Sai shrugged half-heartedly. "When I stopped serving Danzō and Root, it was because of you and Naruto. Your enemies became my enemies. I suppose it only makes sense for the converse to be true. Your friends are my friends."
Sakura's lingering smile turned into a grin. It felt impossible that she should be able to feel anything remotely like happiness on a day like this, but despite the anxiety churning in her stomach, she did.
Naturally, Sai knew exactly how to ruin it.
"Oh. That red-head, Karin," Sai said, an afterthought. "She did you a favor."
Sakura couldn't speak. He was referring to the kunoichi from the Samurai Bridge incident. There couldn't be anything that woman had to offer that would be in favor of Sasuke or Sakura.
Sai waited, morbidly curious or too well-trained as a spy, as he chose to assess her panicked response. If it weren't for the nerves, Sakura would have throttled him.
She could only lift her chin. "Hm?"
He relented.
"She gave an account of your fight with Sasuke on the Samurai Bridge, but she was erratic and distracted," Sai told her. "She wouldn't say that Sasuke 'planned' to kill you. She mostly just complained about how it felt to watch you two in a lover's quarrel."
Sakura's face caught fire, burning hot. "What?"
"Her words, not mine." Sai poked at her cheek. "I wonder if the Traitor also turned this shade of red."
Sakura highly doubted that. She swatted his hand away, glaring at him. "I'm going to get some fresh air."
His placid and aloof smile returned. Whether it was a mask or his sincere expression, Sakura still wasn't sure.
"You do look as though you could use it."
She would throttle him. As soon as she finished gleaning any other information out of him, after she testified, if Sasuke survived the day- then she'd find Sai and shove him straight through the nearest wall.
.
.
An hour passed since Sakura's scheduled time to testify in the Trial Room, but they weren't ready for her. She tried not to read into it, but it was hard not to assume the worst. The sliver of hope that Sai had given to her inevitably vanished, and in its place, her fears multiplied. She stood on the roof of the Hokage Tower, waiting impatiently for someone to collect her as avidly as she dreaded the moment they would.
The sun set and sank beneath the horizon. Sakura watched the sky fade from soft blues into true night. It was unusually cold and windy for Konoha, but she was too stubborn to return inside. She braided her hair back with stiff fingers, pushed the fly-away strands into place, and then slid her sleeves past her fingertips. She'd decided on wearing her black fatigues and standard flak jacket in hopes it would help her be taken more seriously as a chūnin and kunoichi. If that ended up failing, at least it served to keep her warm.
Sakura heard them before she saw them. She instantly turned to the sound of a commotion, instincts honed finer and faster than the cognitive spinning of her mind. There was shouting, and shoving, in the corridor behind the access door to the roof.
A high-pitched holler from Naruto. The blunt edge in Sasuke's terse response. It was an old and familiar rhythm. Signs of trouble, she was sure, but not signs of an invading threat.
At least not the overt kind. Sakura didn't relax. She started toward the door, debating whether to intervene, but stopped a few meters out. There was more scuffling and slamming, clearer and louder than before. It sounded as though any second the two of them would explode out onto the rooftop. Then, they did.
The door flung open, and Sasuke and Naruto came barreling out. They moved too quickly for her to see anything besides the fury on their faces. Before she could blink, Naruto had his fist wrapped into the material of Sasuke's shirt. He shoved into Sasuke's chest, slamming him into the open door behind them.
Sasuke grabbed his wrist at once, but failed to push Naruto off. His glare, dark and lethal, was vicious enough that Sakura caught herself taking a step back.
Neither of them noticed or cared that she was now in their audience. The two ANBU assigned to guard Sasuke looked on without intervening. She glanced at them, wondering if they should.
"Come on, bastard," Naruto yelled. "Are you trying to get yourself killed? You do that, and it's all for nothing. Nothing!"
"Don't lecture me, Naruto," Sasuke seethed. This time when he shoved Naruto, he succeeded in pushing him off. "You don't understand."
"Kami, it's the same old shit," Naruto groaned. "You always say I don't get it even though you know I do."
For emphasis, Naruto shoved him. Sasuke immediately pushed him back. There was no skill and no grace in their movements. Just raw and uncoordinated brawling. Sakura frowned, tightening the arms she wrapped around herself.
"This isn't about you," Sasuke bit out, pushing Naruto completely off him.
"Yes, it is," Naruto growled, but didn't defend himself. "Don't you get it? Even Itachi knew, so why don't you? You're not just my best friend. You're a brother to me. Whatever they do to hurt you, hurts me. And those Elders in that room want to hurt you, so stop making it fucking easier for them!"
For a moment, nothing could be heard except for the in and out of their harsh breathing.
Sasuke seemed to think for a second, and too late, Sakura realized it was because he was trying to find what words could do the most damage. That he didn't need access to his chakra or the force of a Chidori to strike Naruto down.
"I don't care what hurts you," Sasuke said evenly, dark eyes empty and cold. "You're not my brother. You never will be."
It worked. Naruto recoiled, too skilled to stumble in his steps, but jarred from an unplanned step backward.
Sakura's eyes squeezed shut on their own. It required little effort to imagine how Naruto felt to be slapped by Sasuke's rejection. When her lids blinked open, a watery film disrupted her vision.
"Yeah, I know, bastard." Naruto sniffed, angry but quickly deflating. "But that doesn't change anything for me. It doesn't change anything about this trial."
At a stalemate, they glared at each other. Sakura felt like a spectator during a show with classic tropes, witnessing the same performance, the same rising and falling action. The same ending.
For the first time, Naruto looked over at Sakura. "Been a couple days. Do you have to fix up his arm?"
Sasuke didn't turn to her. He continued to stare at the wall behind Naruto's left shoulder, his jaw clenched tight enough for her to see the muscles pulled taut down his neck.
"Yeah," she answered softly. "Can you give me ten minutes?"
"How about you take twenty," Naruto said, and gestured toward Sasuke as he turned back to the door. "And try to fix up his stupid, selfish brain?"
She didn't know how to answer. Sasuke followed the sight of Naruto's back with a heated glare as he left.
Naruto slammed the door behind him, talking to himself angrily as he disappeared down the corridor.
Well, Sakura thought to herself. Just like old times.
As the echo of Naruto's mutterings faded, silence settled around them. Sakura stood there, startled and unsurprised. Uncertain and strangely sure. How many times had she tried and failed to talk sense into Sasuke, to convince him? Too many times to count. It was Naruto who could reach him, who could make him see reason. She never could.
She didn't know what happened in the Trial Room, but whatever it was, Naruto seemed to think Sasuke's life was on the line because of it. It was their last chance to save Sasuke. It was down to the final hour, and somehow the responsibility of it fell to her. The only one of them guaranteed to fail.
The bitter tang of uselessness sat thick on her tongue, but she swallowed it.
Sakura turned to the two guards, eyes sharp and chin lifted. "You heard him. Twenty minutes- ...please."
The ANBU glanced between each other, hesitant. Sakura waited, seemingly patient, until they eventually listened. In a dash of black, they disappeared from the rooftop. She and Sasuke were left alone.
The cold front brought cloud coverage with it. There were no stars, no moonlight. She had to strain to see him.
In clean clothes after a proper wash, standing tall outside instead of laying in the gray, dreary prison cell, he looked healthy and strong for the first time in weeks. The irony wasn't lost on her. He was still enough to be carved from stone, calm and seemingly undisturbed. By now, she knew better. The Uchiha were a clan forged by fire. Flames always flickered impatiently beneath Sasuke's skin.
Sakura had been staring for too long, but when Sasuke turned to face her, he wasn't entirely devoid of emotion. There was a remaining spark of anger in him; embers in the ashes, waiting to be brought back to life through another fight. She could have instigated one. She wanted to. If what Naruto implicated was true, she had plenty to say to him.
But they were out of time. More importantly, Sasuke was out of time.
Sakura lowered her crossed arms down to her waist and clamped one hand over her wrist. An automatic reflex, part of her medical training kicking in. Non-threatening body language was the first recommendation in building rapport and securing patient cooperation.
"Any change in symptoms? Any swelling or ongoing pain since you've started exercising?"
Sasuke blinked. Surprised, she assumed. She'd been treating him for weeks, but he still sometimes looked at her like he couldn't believe she was proficient in anything, let alone critical care. It made her want to vomit.
"No," he answered, still on edge.
She nodded toward the balcony's ledge, the only place besides the ground to sit on. "Mind if I take a look?"
Sasuke didn't move. He looked at her like she was a fool. "Does it matter?"
Sakura swallowed thickly. She willed her voice not to tremble, her tears not to spill. "Doesn't it?"
Sakura wished that she prayed. That she believed if she begged and cried to the Gods, that They would listen and care. She didn't. She hadn't since she was a little girl, hearing every other answer but the real one as to why her father was being lowered into the dirt.
She prayed, anyway. Please, Kami. Please, make him see. Make him see how badly we need him. Make him think it's worth it to stay. Please keep him alive.
Sasuke must have exhaled. She didn't hear him, but she saw his breath as it fanned out on the cold air.
"Sakura."
He said her name the way he'd said his first and only apology to her. And for the first time in their arduous relationship, she didn't fucking want one. Hot tears sprang from her eyes, silent and steady.
She wiped them away furiously, unwilling to be weak. "Don't—"
"It doesn't matter what you have to say," Sasuke interrupted lowly. "Naruto can whine and holler, but he's not a child anymore. Neither are you. I won't dishonor Itachi's memory by withholding the truth."
Sakura bit hard inside her cheek. The purpose of the limited jury and private Trial Room was so that the truth of the Uchiha Clan Massacre could be discussed openly as they considered Sasuke's fate. He must have been referring to something else. She was afraid to ask.
"What truth?"
Sasuke stepped forward, for the first time breaking out of his statue-still mold. She knew then that she was right about the fire. He barely kept it contained, coal-dark eyes flashing with anger.
"That I meant every word I said. If I could, I'd raze Konoha to the ground."
All the air left Sakura's lungs in a rush. "You- you can't mean that."
Her worst memory, the content of her nightmares. The reason she couldn't walk through her hometown, couldn't eat and couldn't sleep at night. And he was threatening to do it so casually.
"You know that I do." Sasuke stepped closer. "None of this, none of you, matter more to me than Itachi."
Sakura gripped the edges of her sweater. "We know that, Sasuke-kun. I- We understand that."
"They're in there, trying to paint me as an ignorant child. I haven't been a child since they manipulated my older brother into slaughtering our entire clan. My family."
Sakura was shaking too hard to wipe the tears off her face again. She ignored them, staring back at Sasuke, desperate to see him and the situation clearly. For weeks, she'd been with him every day in his cell. He'd been quiet and very nearly content. Why was he lashing out now? Where had this come from?
"I knew exactly what I was doing," Sasuke finished. "Exactly what I would do to Konoha if I had the chance."
She couldn't remember the last time she felt so overwhelmed, at such a loss. Everyday she dealt with difficult patients: dying patients, angry patients. They screamed, hollered, and acted out irrationally, and she managed to talk them down. But this, this was different. Sasuke wasn't a patient, he was—
Sakura's spiraling thoughts came to a sudden stop.
It was the same. This was not any different. He wasn't a patient, but he was a young man on trial with the possibility of a death sentence. And- and if he wasn't executed, then he was free. Maybe being free was a death of a different kind. The death of the only plan he knew, the end of the only life he'd known for himself.
Sakura stopped crying. She took a moment, composing herself. Remembering him: remembering the boy she fell in love with. Back then, she'd idolized him. Paid attention to everything he said, focused in on everything he believed in. There was a reason she knew in her heart the night he planned to leave Konoha. For better or for worse, she spent too much of her life trying to be in tune with him.
Sakura wiped her face clean. Then she stared at him, determined.
"What do you want, Sasuke-kun?"
He surveyed her resolved features, noticed her sudden change in demeanor, but he didn't pause for it.
"I told you," Sasuke answered, quiet and unyielding. "You, and Naruto, you might be innocent. But Konoha is responsible for slaughtering my clan. I'm the only one left to make them suffer for it."
Sakura reminded herself that she was used to this. That she was skilled in this. Patients who were dying often retaliated at anyone or anything. They didn't lash out because they wanted to hurt people. They lashed out because they were hurting themselves.
It was basic critical care training. As simple as it got, really. If the patient was hurting, then their needs were going unmet. As the practitioner, it was your job to meet their needs. If you alleviated their pain, if you helped them find solace, then the anger disappeared.
They weren't angry. They were grieving.
They didn't want to die. They wanted to live.
"No," Sakura challenged. "That's- that's what you would do. That's not what you want."
Sasuke's frustration reached a boiling point. She didn't shove him or insult him like Naruto had. She wasn't making it easy for him to fight back. He took a flash step backward, quietly livid.
Sakura wasted years of her life mourning what Sasuke did not want. He did not want her. He did not want to stay in Konoha with her and their team. She'd spent less time trying to understand what he did want, but looking back, she didn't have to. For all his faults, Sasuke had been upfront and honest with what he wanted from the beginning.
"Do you remember when we graduated? When we were first assigned to Kakashi as Team Seven?" Sakura asked carefully. "I- I remember it like it was yesterday."
Sasuke didn't answer. It was almost impressive, how he could appear frozen like ice, as fierce as flames, all at the same time.
She cleared her throat. Afraid that if she said the wrong thing, looked the wrong way, he'd disappear or he'd leave, Sakura looked out over the ledge. In dim lights and shadows, the village was a variety of moving silhouettes beneath them.
"We sat on the stairs while Kakashi asked us questions about ourselves. He said nothing about himself, not really. Naruto rambled about ramen. I- I spat out some nonsense. But you were honest."
She could only see Sasuke from her peripheral. She was terrified that in any second he would leave. Like a child covering their eyes at the thought of a monster, she felt her own eyes slip to a close. She recited the rest from memory.
"Your name is Uchiha Sasuke. You hate a lot of things. You don't particularly like anything. You- you don't have a dream, because what you have, you will make into a reality. You're going to... You're going to destroy a certain someone." Sakura inhaled sharply, covering up a cry.
She had to finish. She had to say the rest. "You're going to restore your clan."
Her heart had been broken for him before. Now it shattered. They were just genin, just children. Sasuke never had that luxury. How could she blame him for leaving Konoha to seek vengeance? How could she expect him to forgive Konoha after what they'd done to his brother? After what what he himself had done because of them.
Sakura was sure that he'd left. Sasuke always left. And this time, she wouldn't blame him.
She slowly opened her eyes.
Sasuke was there, standing in the same place, staring at her. There was no fire. There was no ice. There was only the eyes of a boy forced into the position of a man, startled and uncertain.
She recognized him so clearly then. He wasn't the Sasuke who just threatened to destroy her home. He was the one she'd always known. The one she clung to in the Forest of Death, who she sat beside in the aftermath of the Curse Seal's attempt to overpower him. He'd been confused and too proud to admit he was scared. He didn't look so different now.
She had no lifeline to throw him. She had no reassurances to offer. Leaving for vengeance was easier. Staying to rebuild, to restore his name and his clan, would be so much harder. Sakura gathered all the shattered pieces of her heart and summoned the very last of the courage she had.
"I don't think you want to destroy Konoha," she whispered. "I think you want Itachi's sacrifice to matter. I think you want Konoha to be a village worth the loss of your clan. Right now, it isn't. But- if you stay. If you try, maybe it could be."
In the lingering silence, Sakura watched the clouds of white as Sasuke caught his breath.
.
.
Their twenty minutes had passed. The final hour arrived, and Sakura wasn't ready for it. She sat to the left of Tsunade and across from Kakashi, sure that her heart was racing hard enough to leap out of her chest. The familiar faces of Shikamaru, Ibiki, and Kurenai offered little comfort. She was next to the Konoha Elders, closer than she'd ever been before, and she couldn't distinguish between her fear or fury.
Koharu and Homura were the only criminals left of those who plotted the Uchiha Clan Massacre. She was side-by-side with them. Monsters who'd committed a crime as heinous as Pain's Assault. The latter came to destroy the physical body of Konoha, but these two had managed to destroy it's spirit and heart.
Her argument with Sasuke faded to her peripheral. She was in the company of the worst murderers and traitors she'd ever known. It was her turn to figure out how to survive them.
"Are you alright, girl?"
Sakura's blood ran cold. The question came from Koharu, clipped and condescending.
She straightened up at once, scolding herself for leaving her trembling hands out in the open. She folded them on the top of the table.
"Yes, Koharu-san."
At least she couldn't feel Sasuke's penetrating stare on her any longer. He seemed to be fixated on the Konoha banner.
It would have been the most comforting to look at Tsunade-shishou, the most stabilizing to look at Kaka-sensei. She remembered what Sai had shared with her, though. The two of them had gone through a great ordeal to appear indifferent, or at least, only mildly invested. She needed to keep up an appearance, too.
Shikamaru's cryptic words from their discarded game of shogi came to mind. They'd been so unhelpful she barely managed to hear the last of them.
This will be another strategy game, Sakura. There's a reason I play against you. You're smarter than anyone gives you credit for, you know. Use it against them.
Sakura deliberately turned to Ibiki. He looked at her, scarred and grave features settled into stone. In her peripheral, she caught the glint of red in Koharu's polished ruby brooch.
"I'm ready to be questioned," Sakura said quietly.
Ibiki straightened, too. "You're an honest and hardworking kunoichi, Sakura. I've seen that in your chūnin exams. Now, do you swear, under penalty of law, to tell the truth as you know it?"
The standard procedure for swearing under oath. In her mind, she recalled Sasuke's demand too. One she didn't understand, but one that apparently held importance to him.
Sakura nodded, even as she felt suffocated by the thought of it. "I swear to tell the truth."
"Alright," Ibiki said. "Then let's begin."
Shikamaru remained quiet while Ibiki and the Elders did most of the interview, Kurenai occasionally chiming in with clarifying questions.
Did she consider Uchiha Sasuke to be a threat to Konoha.
Did she believe Uchiha Sasuke behaved with malicious intent when he defected to Oto.
Did she think Uchiha Sasuke aligned himself with the Akatsuki in principle and purpose.
Did she see if Uchiha Sasuke intended to kill Uzumaki Naruto and attack Konoha.
Sakura answered all their questions like she was filling out responses on a written exam. Well-considered and concise. She answered them objectively, and she answered them truthfully. All of them were questions she knew they were likely to ask. For weeks she hadn't slept, but tossed and turned while preparing these responses. They were good responses, she thought. She was doing a good job at this.
Until Shikamaru sighed, catching her attention. She glanced over instinctively. The same as he could trap others in shadows, he pinned her with his stare.
"The night Sasuke left the village, you met with him on the path that leads out of Konoha," Shikamaru said, the question unsaid.
Sakura's eyes widened. She was sure that had been left out of official records. It was personal information she once shared with him, though.
The Elders and other two jurors shuffled through their notes. A few seconds later, Homura confirmed it.
"That's not in our records, Nara."
"I know it's not," Shikamaru drawled. His eyes hadn't left Sakura's, sharp and analytical.
Koharu and Homura muttered between themselves. Sakura held Shikamaru's stare, pure panic flooding through her system. She hadn't prepared for this. She hadn't practiced responding to any personal lines of questions besides the obvious ones. Beneath her panic, she felt the hot sting of betrayal. She'd confided in him in expectation of his help, not to be sabotaged.
"Well then," Koharu said primly. "Go on, girl. Tell us what happened that night."
Girl. Her chūnin status, flak jacket and military fatigues had obviously failed. Sakura steeled herself.
"I couldn't sleep," Sakura began, honest again. "I was worried. I knew- I knew something had changed, something bad was going to happen because of it. I didn't know- I didn't know Sasuke planned to leave that night, but I was worried he might. I saw him, with a pack, walking out of the village. I tried to stop him."
"You fought?" Ibiki asked.
"No. We talked."
Well, she had talked at least.
"What did you talk about?" Shikamaru asked.
Sakura clenched her jaw. Maybe he didn't know word for word, but he sure as hell knew the gist and could guess the rest of the conversation's content.
"I tried to convince him to stay," Sakura said.
"That's it?" Shikamaru narrowed his eyes.
Sai would have to wait. As soon as this trial was finished, she was going to throttle Shikamaru first.
"When I realized he wouldn't stay," Sakura said, swallowing. "I offered to go with him."
A rumble of surprise, protests and disappointment. Sakura glanced at her mentor and previous sensei, worried at their own reactions, but they both remained as neutral and unresponsive as the start.
"You would have betrayed your village for him?" Homura scolded.
Her fury raged louder than any of her fears. Who was he to talk about betraying the village? He'd sanctioned mass murder against the people he was sworn to protect!
A warning flashed in Shikamaru's deep brown eyes, then disappeared completely. Something about it caused Sakura to pause. A reminder that he was on her side. And because of that, he couldn't be.
This will be another strategy game, Sakura. There's a reason I play against you. You're smarter than anyone gives you credit for, you know. Use it against them.
She'd forgotten the last of his remarks. Use it against me.
Sakura let out a shaky breath. "Back then? I was a little girl. I was losing a teammate, I was losing- I was losing someone I loved. I would have done anything. Even if it meant leaving the village."
"Back then," Shikamaru repeated. "What's different now?"
The question rocked her. She couldn't strategize, she couldn't play with or against him when her whole mind was swimming. Flushed, she tried and failed to come up with a response.
"This is all a waste of time then," Koharu said, disgusted. "If she loves the Uchiha traitor, if she'd betray us then, she'll betray us now."
Ibiki's frown was subtle. "No. Tell us about the fight on the Samurai Bridge, Sakura."
Here it was, the question she'd dreaded the most, and she was entirely unprepared for it. She should have been thankful Ibiki provided an opportunity for her to establish credibility, but she was certain she'd ruin it.
"What's that got to do with anything?" Homura huffed.
"There was a fight on that bridge," Ibiki answered. "There was no fighting the first time, but there was this most recent time. What changed?"
They already heard Kakashi's account. She had to assume he told the entire truth as he observed it. They also had Karin's account, and though it was an inaccurate one, Sai had said it was a favorable one. How should she leverage that? What should she say to convince them Sasuke wasn't a true threat?
Sakura was no longer swimming in racing thoughts, but drowning from them. She tried to anchor herself, but couldn't. She couldn't think of anything.
For the first time, she felt her gaze pulled toward Sasuke. He wasn't looking at the banner anymore. He was looking right at her.
When you testify, tell them the truth.
The severity in his eyes, the sincerity of his demand. He'd meant it. Sakura used this as a raft when everything else failed to keep her afloat.
"What changed?" Sakura repeated, tepid but honest. "Everything. I didn't- I didn't know about Itachi, or the truth of the Uchiha Clan Massacre. All I knew was that the boy I loved who should have been a member of my team, he- he turned into a rogue-nin with the capacity to commit murder. I couldn't afford to be selfish anymore. People I cared about the most would die because- because of me. It would be all my fault."
It was surprisingly easy to say it. Like confessing a long-held sin. She might have had shaky knees, but she wasn't drowning or trying to float anymore: she was standing in shallow waters. She was standing on the foundation of a truth.
"Your fault?" Kurenai asked gently. "How?"
"I made Naruto make me a promise," Sakura began, ashamed. "I made him promise me he would do anything- anything- to bring Sasuke back. I was young, and weak. I was selfish. I didn't- I didn't realize what it would cost. Naruto gave up everything, for me, for Sasuke. I- I couldn't let Naruto do that. It wasn't his responsibility. It shouldn't have been his burden. It was mine."
"You're saying you went after Sasuke to capture him on your own?" Ibiki asked.
"No." Sakura closed her eyes. The shame was too heavy. She'd never be able to forgive herself for it. Never. "I knew he wouldn't listen. I went after him to kill him."
Silence enveloped the room. A silence that seeped into her skin and buried itself into her soul.
Shikamaru broke it first. "You didn't, though."
"No. I got close, but not close enough."
Sakura opened her eyes, tired and teary. Somehow, Shikamaru had turned even more serious in the interim. He stared across at her, focused on the finish line.
"Uchiha Sasuke has been charged with attempting to murder you. Do you believe he would have killed you?"
All the tension in Sakura's body coiled tight. Sasuke wanted her to tell the truth. She'd sworn an oath to tell the truth.
"If you ask him, he'll tell you that he would have," Sakura answered, stalling.
"I didn't ask him. I'm asking you," Shikamaru countered, unapologetic.
You're smarter than anyone gives you credit for, you know. Use it against them. Use it against me.
Sakura looked back at him. No tears fell. No lies caused her lips to tremble. Her knees stopped shaking.
"Exactly," Sakura said, too focused to note how somber she sounded. "I'm here, aren't I? You're all aware of the charges against him, you've written them yourselves. You've already heard from Naruto; you've seen what Sasuke did to him. You all know what he is capable of."
If she hadn't spent the last two years playing shogi with Shikamaru every Sunday morning that they could, she wouldn't have known his tells. How he hitched his breath and covered it with a wearied sigh the second he realized he might lose. The way his arched brows fell a hair's width flatter once he knew for certain that he would.
Sakura spoke truly. "If Uchiha Sasuke wanted to kill me, I'd be dead. But I'm not. I'm right here."
Shikamaru looked at her, as sharp and serious as before. But she heard his sigh and she saw his relaxed brows. He knew he lost.
.
.
The seat to the Hokage's left remained empty. There were no more witnesses left to testify. Sasuke stared at it now that Sakura was gone. The bold words from her testimony weren't ringing in his head half as loudly as her whispered declaration on the rooftop.
The jury's deliberation was brief. They came back to the room, discontent but prepared to share a verdict. For the first time all day, Kakashi dropped the mask that covered more of himself than the black cloth. He looked at Sasuke, earnest and determined. For some reason, Sasuke let himself look back.
Neither of them knew what the jury decided. Yet Sasuke knew in that moment, whatever it said, whatever it meant for him, Kakashi was prepared to act on his behalf. A strange, sticky sensation burrowed inside Sasuke's chest.
The last time Kakashi tried to help him, he tied Sasuke to a tree and spoke with more sincerity than anyone would believe the Copy-nin could. Back then, Sasuke was determined not to listen or care. This time, he was just as trapped but Kakashi was silent. Kakashi didn't holler or fight like Naruto, he didn't beg or cry like Sakura. He didn't need to. The sentiment was there, loud and clear in his sharp gray eyes.
Despite Sasuke's betrayal, regardless of everything spoken about today, Kakashi still cared for him. It felt like swallowing glass to listen to everything going unsaid- to accept it.
Kurenai and Shikamaru took their seats, but Morino Ibiki held an envelope up and remained standing. The jury was ready to make their announcement.
"Go on, Morino," the Hokage declared, tired but resolute.
Ibiki read the charges. He read the convictions. Then the room descended into chaos as they debated on how Sasuke would serve his sentencing.
Sasuke didn't listen to them. He looked up at the fire-gold banner. To the blazing white symbol of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He'd do anything to hear from his elder brother now. Anything.
No matter what you do from here on out, I will love you always.
Sasuke let his gaze drop to Hokage's hat, it's red-and-white design hosting one regal character: 火.
Fire. The land on which he was born. The village his ancestors helped to create. The chakra nature at home in his body, the type of jutsu taught from generation to generation, from father to son. Fire was at the core of everything the Uchiha were meant to be. The Curse of Hatred was never meant to taint the Uchiha bloodline. The Will of Fire was in their birthright.
Sasuke looked straight to Senju Tsunade then. He found her hardened hazel eyes already on him.
"You got something you need to say, kid?"
He shook his head once. "There's something I want to ask."
.
.