A/N: hello hello! Welcome to 2022! You've made it! Hope you're all well.

As my first 2022 fic, I will be serving hurt/ comfort and angst; this time, having a lot of comfort. This is honestly a comfort fic for me.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, self-harm and anything related.
As much as this is a comfort and healing fanfiction, these tw above do apply.

Let me carry your burden
If somethin' ain't right I will let you know
Like the paint that's drying on a heart that's broke
Let me carry your burden

Get you back on a high when you're feeling low
When the weight's too heavy but you won't let go

Come to me, my brother, and I will sit with you awhile
Pretty soon I'll see you smile and you know you will
No matter how much you're hurting right now
You know that everything will change in time
So let me carry your burden
Let me carry your burden

- Burden by Keith Urban

He was exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

.

It has been a few hours since he had arrived from another adventure. He was tired... worn-out. The TARDIS had made it easier for him to rest; he would always take a few minute cat-naps. The machine dimmed the lights, only leaving the round lights lit up. Blue and slight orange bathed the console room. It should have been easy for him to fall asleep in a snap.

Not this time. His mind wouldn't hault and let. him. rest.

.

It's draining... being a timelord.

Or any species having the curse of a longevity.

He'd seen the people he loved the most... dead.

He... he could regenerate, his time lord physiology enabled him to heal quicker than most species.

.

It was a blessing in others' eyes. Yet, all a curse in his.

.

As he sat there, on the jumpseat, leaning against the peripheral consoles, he thought to himself.

And thought and thought.

A neverending whirlpool of destruction and death.

.

He was alone. And yet not. There was another being aboard the TARDIS. A fragile human tucked somewhere within the depths of the machine, most probably in the deepest sleep imaginable.

.

The Doctor's gaze dropped to the floor.

Fragile.

Human.

Transient beings.

.

One day, Clara will leave. She had already almost left him twice.

And this time, she was here for good.

He was happy. He was with his Clara.

But... he shouldn't get attached. Because she will leave someday. Hopefully, not during an adventure. Hopefully, she would not die because of the adventure.

He couldn't bare the horrible, grim vision haunting him... Clara's limp body in his arms. Taking her last breath. The look in her eyes... she looked so scared as life left her body.

.

If it wasn't for Clara, he would have stayed on that cloud up in Victorian London. Unattached. Alone.

Clara Oswin Oswald came. And left; tragically.

Loss... Loss repeated loss.

And it always hurt. But he couldn't stop from taking companions on board.

Always the same old story.

Clara was the latest, and he wouldn't imagine her die. Yet, it was inevitable. And he could do nothing to stop it from happening.

.

The Doctor sat up and walked a few steps to the main console. The TARDIS slowly increased the light in the room.

All those people he lost... all that blood on his hands.

Gallifrey. He still couldn't find it.

The time lord sighed as his fingers curled around the metal rim of the console, his short nails scratching as deep into the indestructible metal as possible.

His people were still lost. And he felt alone... so alone.

Why?

His teeth ground together as his hands turned into fists.

No one could feel this pain. No one should.

.

And he had to take the burden of each and every world he saves, every life lost...

Gallifrey ...

His eyes were now occluded with a film of tears.

Gallifrey. His home... Lost somewhere in space.

.

The TARDIS whirred... she could feel her thief's distress... and she knew what went through his head.

She pleaded him to stop. With no avail.

.

Nothing could stop the Doctor and his rage.

Clara shot up from her bed. The TARDIS whirred at her.

Hurry to the console room. The Doctor needs you.

.

The companion didn't think twice to she hop out of bed, grabbing the dressing gown from her chair and running to the console room whilst wearing it hastily. As she ran closer to the console room, she heard the Doctor's groans and the TARDIS shrilling, begging him to stop. Sparks were flying everywhere, a light fog filled the room as the circuits malfunctioned and short-circuited. She ran up the stairs and stopped as soon as she was able to take a closer look at the time lord. His hands were crimson red, he looked as desperate and as angry as she had ever seen him. She knew he wasn't angry with her, yet she was scared to see in what state he was in.

.

"Doctor..." She walked slowly to him. He didn't stop. Every punch hit her soul, almost feeling the sharp pain in her knuckles. "Doctor, it's me." A step closer. "Please... Doctor, it's Clara." Her name clicked something in his brain.

He stopped.

Her name and her voice. Clara.

.

No, she shouldn't see the state he was in, and yet, at the same time, he knew she was the only one who had the strength to keep his thoughts at bay. "I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you." There was something almost sad in her voice. It was gentle, empathic, warm... but sad. Sad she could see what he was doing with himself. He started shaking as he held to the console. Clara was only a few steps away from him. "It's gonna be ok." Her hand stretched out to him.

.

The time lord turned to look at her, the companion seeing his bloodshot eyes. She swallowed thickly; she had never seen him so distraught. And yet, she was determined that she could help him. "It's going to be alright." She gave him a gentle consoling smile. Her thoughts reached out to him. It's going to be alright, Doctor. You're safe. I'm here to help. The anger in him started subsiding, only to be replaced by complete and utter destruction and sadness. His eyes welled up, before falling to his knees, his bloodied hands resting on his lap. The blood was his... but he couldn't imagine his hands if all the blood of the people dead because of him would look like.

.

The gallifreyan started sobbing his hearts out, but what Clara could hear was only the desperate choked sobs which refused to leave him. "Doctor..." She breathed out, before rushing to him and wrapping her arms around his trembling body. "It's ok. It's ok." She breathed, trying to calm him down. There were a thousand questions whizzing through her mind; none of which were as important as taking care of the Doctor. His heart ached for him... He didn't deserve such grief. She pulled away and rummaged through the bigger on the inside pocket of her dressing gown. She sighed in relief when the girl pulled out a decently sized handkerchief. "Let's get these settled first." But when she reached out for his hands, he pulled them away. She looked at his puppy dog eyes; she knew what it meant. Clara left the hanky on her lap, her palm cupping his tear-stained cheek. He winced at the contact, but his companion's hand was so soft that he soon relaxed.

"Whatever you are going through, you do not deserve this pain." She noticed that he changed his expression slightly. "I don't care what you're thinking about, Doctor. You deserve help, even better than I could ever give you. But please..." The hand previously on his face was offered to him. "let me help." It took a while, but the time lord nodded. "Thank you." She breathed to him, before delicately scooping his bloody hand and wrapping the hanky around his knuckles. She was sure that he had broken some fingers, but they would deal with that in medbay. Right now, she needed to care of the Doctor as a whole.

.

After she was happy with how the hanky was wrapped and secured, she rummaged her pocket, pulling an identical one and repeating the process with the other hand.

The companion looked at him. He looked shattered... she couldn't even tell whether he was angry with himself, sad, hopeless, tired... or maybe it was all those things stuffed in an old time lord's brains. "Hey," she breathed, smoothing his jaw with the back of her hand which did not have any blood to smear. "Whatever it is, we'll go through this together, ok? I'll stick by you no matter what."

He swallowed thickly, before looking away from her.

"Let me take you to medbay." He didn't move. "Please... For me?" She asked, cupping her hand over his cheek.

He looked at her, almost startled at how inflated his eyes looked. But she didn't react... She knew that the wrong move could break him further. He was vulnerable, and for the Doctor to show his vulnerability... Especially like this... Something big must have happened.

"I promise, you're safe with me." She said with the utmost gentleness.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is appreciated as always.

Another chapter coming very very soon! Till then; take care, stay safe and wishing you all the best.