A/N: Hello Hello! Hope everyone is well! Enjoy this next chapter!
Quick note: TW from previous chapters still apply
"Let me take you to medbay." He didn't move. "Please... For me?" She asked.
.
He looked at her, almost startled at how inflated his eyes looked. But she didn't react... She knew that the wrong move could break him further. He was vulnerable, and for the Doctor to show his vulnerability... Especially like this... Something big must have happened.
.
"I promise, you're safe with me." She said with the utmost gentleness.
He nodded ever so slightly, before starting to shift. Clara's arms wrapped around him and stabilised him as the time lord stood himself up. His hands were clutched on his belly, making sure not to touch them.
.
She urged him to take the first step to the stairs on the other side of the console room. "There you go. Slowly, Doctor. That's it." And they walked slowly through the corridor.
.
It was as if she was helping a small child. Instead, that child was a 2000 year old time lord who was way too distressed and shaken to take care of himself properly.
And she didn't mind. He was hurt, and needed help. Not that she was sure what she was going to do... But she trusted the process. Calming him down was already a win in her books.
.
Her thoughts were interrupted as soon as she noticed the medbay door a few steps away. "We're here." She said.
The Doctor stopped and refused to move even when Clara was leading him forward.
Clara went to face him. "It's going to be alright, Doctor. Trust me." She breathed, looking into his broken eyes as she let the back of her fingers graze his cheek. And yet, he didn't heed. The time lord swallowed thickly before slightly shaking his head. "Doctor, please. Let me help you." Her eyes met his. Her lips were curled in an empathic smile. "You're safe." She breathed.
The time lord nodded.
"Thank you." Clara breathed. She went again to his side to support him. "Last few steps. Then you can rest."
But she heard a voice in her head. Rest... I can never have rest in this damned Universe.
The companion immediately noticed that it was the Doctor's thoughts, most probably he had lowered down his telepathic guard without knowing.
.
He shakily started walking towards medbay just a few steps away. "That's it. Just a little longer." They entered medbay. The bright light shocked the Doctor slightly. He wanted darkness... To hide in shadow and cry for days on end remembering every mistake.
.
The TARDIS made him feel more at ease by dimming the light whilst turning it to a warmer white. Him and Clara continued walking to the nearest bed. "Lay down, I'll come soon." She smiled to him, but it broke her heart seeing him avoiding her. She'd never seen him like that, but she knew she had to give him the time and space he needed. As the companion went to the sink to wash her hands from the blood, he dared to look at her. The spring in her step, her beauty... it eased some of the pain. The Doctor noted as her fingers combed through her hair before tying it back and started opening the drawers to collect all the things she needed to heal him.
.
He closed his eyes as he forced his breathing rate to slow down to match the TARDIS' humming. His thoughts soon drifted off to all places... First to his Clara, as he had seen here during the previous adventure. Her laugh echoed through the corridors of his mind, feeling his lips curling ever so slightly at the corners.
.
That was before he his mind went to Gallifrey. His nanny looked very similar to Clara, hence how his mind drifted off there.
Then he heard screams... Oh the screams...
His world burned... Ash descending around him.
.
He could feel beads of sweat pooling in his wrinkles and his muscles tense.
.
His eyes sprung open as soon as he felt something (or rather someone) touching his hair. Clara's round face (oh but oh so beautiful) came into view. There were frown lines between her eyebrows. He flinched. Anger.
No... he calmed down. It was concern.
Oh yes... Concern was written all over her face. "It's alright, you can calm down." And he did. TARDIS. Space. Her. Everything was alright. Gallifrey was not lost. And everything was right. When Clara is around, everything is well.
"Good?" She asked.
.
He nodded, before his companion let out a sigh of relief. Her lips curled into a comforting smile before removing her hand from his hair and turning to the monitor next to the bed. She tapped the monitor, letting the TARDIS perform an overall scan as well as the treatment options for his broken knuckles.
"You have a few fractures I'm going to have to fix, Doctor."
"They'll heal soon enough." He croaked. The strong voice Clara knew and loved had left him.
"Instead of having to wait a week for it to heal, it can heal in 3 days if you let me help you."
He refused to look at her. The time lord was too ashamed of what he looked, what he felt, and what he thought.
"I know you're scared and embarrassed. But you don't have to be. I'm here to help, not to judge. And besides, there is nothing I would judge about."
He shook his head. "You don't understand..."
"Then help me understand."
He whimpered, closing his eyes once more. Clara knew he was shutting down. The more she tried to make him see, the more violated he felt. And the companion felt that it wasn't doing any good. "It's ok. I won't ask any further." Her fingers passed through her hair. I'm sorry, she thought. The time lord felt slightly more relaxed. "I understand. We'll talk whenever you're ready." Clara pressed a kiss in his hair. "But I need to fix that hand of yours. Will you let me?"
.
The time lord swallowed thickly before having the courage to give a small nod. "Thank you." Clara breathed. "Just bear with me for a little, yeah? It'll be all over before you know it."
He'd longed for it... For it to be all over. All the pain, all the exhaustion, all the voices in his head. He wished they would stop.
.
"I'm going to splint your little finger, okay? It's going to hurt because I have to straighten it." Her fingers ran through his hair once more. "Ready?" He nodded, regretting the moment he replied because Clara's fingers had left his hair. Nonetheless, it felt soothing just feeling her soft skin against his rough palm as she tried to slip her hand into his without making too much movement. He didn't deserve her... He really didn't...
"On 3... Ok?" The time lord nodded.
He bent his lower lip between his teeth before nodding. Clara sighed. She wished she could help more. But there was not much she could do.
"1. 2. 3" She steadily straightened his small finger, trying to block out the whimpers from the Doctor. "It's done. It's done." The companion said whilst flanking the finger with a brace. The time lord's whimpers died down to heavy yet hurried breathes. "It's alright. Just a little gauze and it'll start healing." She said as the companion secured the gauze.
.
She looked at him, lost in thought as he drifted off to sleep ever so slowly. Clara sat next to him on the bed. She let her fingers surf through his wavy silver locks, hushing him gently when he flinched, before he relaxed once again.
.
After a few moments, her fingers left his hair and was going to sit up to clear the area before stopping her in her tracks when the time lord spoke up, "The TARDIS will take care." She heard his scratchy voice. I need you.
.
The time machine dimmed the lights just enough as a sign for the companion to rest and leave everything to her. The Doctor was the TARDIS' number 1 priority and she knew he was close to tipping over.
.
Clara laid next to the time lord. He did not feel tense or get defensive, thankfully. The Doctor knew he had nothing to fear. Her delicate fingers passed through his hair. The time lord sighed; he forgot how good it felt.
.
But what if he hurts her?
What if touching him curses her?
He whimpered, shifting away from her and her touch.
Clara's heart broke. "Please don't push me away, Doctor. You won't hurt me. You never could."
The Doctor spluttered as he continued to back away from his companion.
The companion shushed him gently. "Please... Let me help you." she said whilst cupping her hand to his cheek. He still tried to protest, but Clara continued to whisper to him, sooth him so delicately with her soft voice that he could hardly run away from her voice. "That's it." She smiled. "You can never hurt me. Never have, and never will."
.
She took his uninjured hand and placed it on her cheek. "You aren't hurting me." She smiled. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not just this life. You... You as a person. And no matter how many times we're caught up on storms, battles, space jail..." She chuckled, noticing that his lips momentarily curled to a barely visible smile. "I'd never regret meeting you. I wouldn't want anyone else to show me the stars but you, Doctor." She took his hand from her cheek and pressed a delicate kiss to his palm. He smiled sadly, hearing just how much he meant to her. "Do you need to sleep for a bit?"
.
His fingers curled tighter around hers. Stay. She heard in her head. His eyes pleading for some comfort, any comfort his companion would offer him.
.
"Very well. Let me get a warm blanket for both of us."
.
But his fingers curled tighter. Don't go.
.
She smiled. "It's ok, Doctor. I'll just go to the cabinet to get a few warm blankets. You'll still be able to see me."
It took a moment before his fingers loosened. Clara pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I promise, I'll be back on this bed very soon. Tell the TARDIS if you wouldn't see me."
.
His fingers tightened yet again. Speak as you go.
" 'Bout what?" She smiled.
Anything. Just let me hear your voice.
Clara's smile widened. "Very well. You'll hear me chatter about a school test I have prepared then."
.
The girl sat up from the bed and he watched her walk a few steps before he closed his eyes. He homed in on her voice, talking about how she wanted to talk to the Principal about a group of new students who did anything but learn in her class. The Doctor did not take cause of what she was saying, but rather on how musical her voice sounded. He made sure to remember how she prononced each letter, how she laughed, how her voice changed from serious to cheery to soft and back again.
He had to remember it... For those days where she was off to Earth and wouldn't bear to just travel to the Wednesday after for another adventure.
For when she was not with him.
He let the music sink into his brain, letting his mind imagine the scene around him. The way her eyes glistened with enthusiasm...
.
She was with him, so he had nothing to be afraid of.
.
"Doctor?"
Oh yes, the name he had chosen for himself. It almost sounded magical every time Clara said it.
"Doctor?" He heard yet another time, to which he opened his eyes to her. She still looked worried. Her face softened as soon as she noticed he had his attention. "Do you need the blanket up to your chin?" He turned to look, noticing that he was covered with the softest blanket to his hips.
"It's good." He croaked, to which Clara smiled and got under her own blanket.
Silence fell onto the pair. The companion hesitated; feeling way too worried of being too insistent with the time lord. But she finally went for it. "Doctor? You know that I'm here whenever you need to talk... About it, I mean. I might not understand, but I don't mind helping where I can."
She heard no reply, and started thinking he'd already succumbed to sleep, proving her wrong when the time lord's cheek leaned against her hair. His nose burrowed deeply into her sweet smelling hair. Clara, my Clara. Thank you. She heard in her mind.
Her lips curled into a smile. "Rest, Doctor. I'll be next to you." He hummed softly before succumbing to sleep, knowing his companion would chase his bad dreams away.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Feedback is appreciated as always!
I might update the story with another chapter later on.
Til then, take care and sending lots of love!