A/N: A bitter and sweet chapter, hints of future Smacked. Thanks for the inspiration lily moonlight!

Chapter 13

Stella's heart seized up, unable to fully process what Flack was saying. She honestly wasn't sure how she got to MSY, all she knew is she was at the ticket counter maxing out a credit card to get a ticket on the next plane to New York. She enjoyed none of the amenities in first class, would have duct taped herself to the wing as long as it got her to Mac Taylor.

Mac had enough near misses in the years they worked together, but she still wasn't prepared for this call. In the back of her mind she supposed she assumed it would more likely be about Don or Danny, the two men much more likely to play superhero.

She kicked herself for not having kept in better contact, but rebuilding a lab in a still fairly broken city had taken so much of her time and energy. Getting back to New York for Don and Gus' wedding the year before had been difficult. Not just getting the time off when she still hadn't fully built her team, but meeting her replacement in Jo reminded that she was creating a new life in a different city and was no longer part of the team, it had wounded her more than she would ever admit.

Yes, she loved being the boss and getting to set up her lab her way, and there was never a lack of exciting things to do in New Orleans; not to mention Billy Brooks had been the best ambassador, but Stella always felt there was something missing. And if she took the time to be honest with herself, that thing was actually a who.

Stella stared out the window as the plane made its descent, looking down at the sprawl of New York below, thinking back to that time that Reed thought she was Claire, not for any resemblance, but because of how she and Mac interacted. It was true, they were totally in sync most of the time, could finish each other's sentences, knew everything about the other; but Stella had always written it off to them working together in such a high stress job.

She also remembered after Jess died and the bar shooting, when she drunk dialed Mac that night, completely out of character and propositioned him and he so gallantly turned her down. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment of the after effect of that, poor Adam being caught in the middle of her unrequited love for Mac.

Love, there she admitted it, she was in love with Mac Taylor, had been for a long time but he was never really ready to move on from Claire, or at least not with her and so she had moved 1300 miles away and now he may die without knowing how she felt.

Any ideas of grand gestures or pronouncements left Stella as soon as she arrived at Trinity, becoming part of the awkward triangle of Jo and Christine, a reflection of who she once was and who she had hoped to be, second in command and girlfriend. She felt a little guilty when Flack brought a shellshocked and literally sedated Gus up so she had something concrete to do and someone to focus on that didn't view her as an interloper.

Feeling in the way was something new for Stella, and she couldn't say she liked it one bit. But she wouldn't have been anywhere else than Mac's bedside, watching over him, praying he would soon wake up. She would be eternally grateful for Gus' intercession that Stella should go in after her, though she didn't quite know what to make of the look on Gus' face that seemed to be reading the deepest recesses of her heart. She supposed Doctor Broussard would always be lurking right below the surface of her former co-worker.

The ICU cube was sterile, in more than a medical sense, the whirring and beeping of all the machines monitoring Mac's vitals providing a jarring soundtrack. Once the glass door sealed shut and she and Mac were isolated, Stella let the tears and words freely pour out of her.

"Oh Mac, please don't leave me, I'm sorry I left you and the lab and New York. I love New Orleans and the lab I am building there, but I love you more! I should have said something sooner, I am sure it was clear to others how I felt, I am sure we were in at least one betting pool…but I couldn't risk it. If you rejected me, really rejected me, I don't think I could have taken it! I need you to wake up so I can tell you how much I love you!" Stella gripped Mac's hands, trying to figure out if she was imagining them gripping back, his vitals not wavering. It didn't matter though, the truth had been unleashed into the universe and now she just had to wait for Mac to wake up and hear the words directly from her.

Gus couldn't sleep but Don was practically comatose next to her, occasionally snoring softly. She slipped out, dressing as silently as she could. She figured she may was well head into the precinct early to work on the paperwork and trial prep that had taken a back burner to visiting Mac in the hospital. He had been moved out of the ICU and there was talk of him moving to a rehab facility soon.

She crept quietly towards the kitchen, not wanting to disturb Stella who had been staying with them while she spent her PTO on anything but a vacation. Gus came to a halt as she noticed the back of her friend's head, untamed curls looking like she had spent the night wrestling instead of sleeping, as Stella gazed out the window at the twinkling city.

Gus stopped trying to be quiet. "Couldn't sleep?" she asked, even though it seemed like an obvious question.

Stella turned partially with a shrug, "nott really, I finally gave up and figured I could at least watch the sun rise."

Gus smiled at her, squeezing her friend's arm, "well I'll make us some coffee and join if you, if you don't mind."

"Please, to both," Stella said, with smile.

They watched as the sky turned from inky darkness to the blue of twilight and finally exploded with a dazzling display of reds, oranges and pinks. They stood side by side sipping their coffee in companionable silence until Stella finally broke out with, "I had this dream."

When she didn't continue Gus asked, "nightmare?"

Stella shook her head, her curls bouncing. "No, it's silly, besides, I don't want you to psychoanalyze me."

"How many times, y'all? I was never a shrink!" Gus rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I had this dream about Mac," Stella said. Gus nodded, thinking that was normal but not wanting to say anything that Stella could interpret as analyzing. "He was in New Orleans."

Gus let out a small snort at that. "Maybe this whole ordeal will finally convince the man to take an actual vacation."

Stella grinned, "maybe. But not like that, he was living in New Orleans. With me. We were married and we had this beautiful little girl we named Holly, she had dark curly hair and Mac's eyes." Stella cut off, feeling embarrassed and turning away. "Never mind, it's silly."

"Silly that at least your subconscious can admit you are in love with Mac?" Gus said, catching the flash and smirk from her friend. "Okay, so I analyzed you, as a friend with eyeballs, not a former psychologist."

Stella turned to face her friend completely. She swallowed before saying, "I know New Orleans is your city."

Gus laughed, "it's yours now too, Stel, I can swear, I promise!"

"I am loving it there, even though it can be…" she trailed off, not wanting to put into words the darker sides of Gus' hometown.

"A little third world?" Gus supplied, knowing New Orleans was a complicated place full of contradictions.

"Yeah, that, but still, it is magical. I am loving being the boss, getting all this fancy new equipment, building my own dream team; and I feel needed in such a different way than I did here, like the difference we can make is immeasurable," she paused taking a deep breath, unburdening herself from all she had been keeping inside. "Billy has been beyond helpful, and I am making friends and it is much cheaper, I can live like a Queen." She stopped again and this time didn't continue.

Gus studied her friend carefully with an expression of concern. "I'm waiting for the but, Stella."

Stella let out a shaky breath. "I don't want to come back to New York, but I do want to be close to Mac again. You're right, I do love him and not just in the way I thought I did before I left. I want to spend my life with him, he is my missing puzzle piece."

Gus set her mug down and crossed her arms over her chest. "I am glad you told me, but you need to tell him this!"

"How can I? Christine is always there, I swear she is part camel, she doesn't even leave to go to the bathroom!" Stella admonished. "I don't want to get in the way of that, Mac being happy, I want that for him most of all. I leave tomorrow anyway…" she trailed off wistfully turning back to the window.

Gus followed suit, almost wanting to laugh at the familiarity. "I get that. I really do." She cleared her throat before continuing. "When I came back after that stupid summer, it was because I knew that Don was my missing puzzle piece; but I didn't tell him, I felt like I still had to punish myself. When I finally wised up and did let him know, he was starting something with Jess. It wasn't fair to try to cut in on that, and Don was happy, which is also what I always want for him."

She let out a big huff of air. "I know it doesn't do any good to play the 'what if' game, but I regret not telling him the second I got back how much I loved him. So often I think about how different our life might look now if I had, like would we be living in a brownstone with a couple of kids and a dog by now?"

Stella reached out to grip Gus' arm. "You can still have that with Don, Gus! You two were always meant to be together and get your happy ever after."

"You can too, Stella, if you would just tell Mac!" Gus countered.

"Tell Mac what?" Don asked, stretching and yawning as he came into the living room, trying to play off that he hadn't heard Gus' monologue. He regretted that she hadn't done that either, it had torn him in two the night she did admit everything to him in front of the very windows his wife and friend were standing at; wanting Gus but feeling a sense of duty to Jess. Honor winning out and that ending in tragedy. Don also couldn't help but wonder how different their life might look right now, but he agreed with Stella, he and Gus could still have that and it did sound like a happy ever after.

"Nothing!" both women said in unison, suddenly in arush to refill their coffee.

"Why does our kitchen look like a crime scene, babe?" Don asked a few days later, wiping sweat off his brow and gulping down a glass of water.

"Uncle Duck, Uncle Duck," came Lucy's greeting as she launched herself at Flack's legs from behind Gus. Her hands leaving behind prints on his jeans that did look like something from a crime scene. "Me and Ti Sunshine made raz-berry tweats!" she said excitedly.

"Well that explains it," Don said, laughing at their surrogate niece's nicknames. "Messers are on Mac duty?" he surmised.

"Yep," Gus said, the team had been keeping a continuous presence at Mac's bedside, moving form Trinity to the rehab facility as his healing continued.

Stella had kicked it off in the early days, holding a near 24 hour vigil after Christine was the one to be with Mac when he first woke up.

"How was basketball?" Gus asked, taking in his ragged appearance.

"I put on a good showing," he lied, trying to not wince as his knee screamed at him.

Gus snorted, seeing through his subterfuge and handing him a bottle of ibuprofen. "You got your ass kicked, didn't you, blue eyes?"

"No say ass, Ti, bad word!" Lucy said, putting little fists on her waist, looking very much like a mini Lindsay.

"Dear tiny baby creole Jesus, give me strength," Gus muttered, "I am sorry, ma'am, now let's go get cleaned up and Uncle Don will take us to the playground!"

"Will he now?" Flack said.

"If he knows what is good for him he will," Gus said with a big smile.

"He knows, sunshine, he knows," he said, trying to find a spot on her to kiss that wasn't covered in raspberry.