Fire cracked open scorching wood. The stillness of the night was suffocating. It was almost as if even the ruffles of wind had fallen asleep.
Sasuke's ragged, tired breaths were the only sound filling such deafening silence. Sakura stood beside him, dipping tatter into cold water. She gently placed the cloth on his feverish forehead, sighing.
It was painfully ironic, she knew. And it brought back too many memories. Memories of a remorseful past. Of cold nights, hiding in The Forest of Death, of sacrifice. Sloppily cut hair and untruthful smiles - what they didn't know then to be the end of life as they knew it.
Standing before you, clad in uniforms and experience and power, your superiors, they try to warn you, about this kind of life you're eagerly choosing. They tell you it won't be easy and most of the people you love will end up forgotten on reddened ground. You don't believe it at first, because everyone thinks they are the exception. But it makes sense, now. As time passes by, you see it more clearly. You don't question it anymore, the possibility of loss. Hell, you've experienced it firsthand. You fight against it, but you know not all fights can be won.
They don't tell you, though, about the 'what if's. How they are almost impossible to endure.
A possibility of what could have been, but wasn't.
So here you are again, trying to hold yourself together, watching as the person you've been trying so hard for, shudders through gritted teeth in sickness.
Rose-colored glasses long renounced, Sakura damned the cruelty of it all.
It all happened so quickly. The fighting had almost completely ceased. And she was happy. She never thought she'd have to pay so greatly. She forgot that was all it took, one moment when your body turns to what makes you vulnerable for you to become just that.
Sakura believed all three enemies were down, immobilized. She had seen them be pierced by lightning, felt their insides writhe beneath her fist. But she was wrong. Sakura was overwhelmed by the implications of her first collaboration with Sasuke in an actual fight. Swayed by the adrenaline running through her veins.
Selfishly, she wanted to show off her progress. She wanted to show Sasuke just how much she had, in fact, changed. Her feelings for him also developed into something much greater, but even back then-
As much as a thirteen-year-old could love someone, Sakura loved him.
He had always pushed her, challenged her to reach past her limits. Growth is conditioned only by transcending your comfort zone. And she did. Sakura wanted him to acknowledge her, after so long. After endless days of training and nights of longing. Because she had done everything that she could think of, hoping it would be enough.
Still, as the situation stood, if it weren't for Sasuke's keen instincts, it would be her, laying there, struggling. She would be the one poisoned, battling to survive.
Sakura wished she was.
Because after everything, she wasn't strong when it mattered most. Because after everything, she was the one who lost her composure. Sakura had long dreamed about the moment she would lay her eyes on him again. The set design was different every time, but the actors played it out all the same - her feet would be firm, fist at the ready and her heart unwavering, the way Naruto's had always been. And Sasuke would crack, eventually. But actually seeing him after so long... it tore away at her heart.
She exhaled, tired of all the thoughts invading her mind. He denied her that night, when she cried and she pleaded and broke into pieces before his conflicted eyes. And while Sasuke might not have taken her with him, he took something of hers away, instead.
Tears threatened to fall, but Sakura pushed them back, freezing them in place. She couldn't afford to cry, not now. Not when he was dying next to her.
There was only one thing for her to do: to hell with dwelling on the unfairness of it all, to hell with everything. The forest was the furthest thing from the labs she was used to back in Konoha, but you don't get to pick and choose the circumstances you're given.
You can only choose how you react to them.
Even if it's the last thing I do, I WILL save him.
Where am I?
Sasuke felt life throbbing through his veins once more. His senses flared all the same, bringing him back to consciousness. Although his body hadn't fully recovered, breathing wasn't as much of a challenge for his lungs anymore.
Many would agree that Sasuke Uchiha was unlike any other man. He was a shinobi, that was a given, but more than anything, Sasuke was an avenger. With his eyes open, he only saw the road ahead and when he closed them, the same image would burn them to the depths of his mind. He was aware aspirations like his came at a great cost. Discipline intertwined with pain, in his case. Despite the ache of bones and limbs, survival was absolute.
He knew better than to remain still and vulnerable in an uncertain situation. Not much of a choice, not when it came to him.
Since God doesn't watch over those who wish to kill their brothers, Sasuke had to watch out for himself. Not that it bothered him. For if such a being even existed, Sasuke knew, God had forsaken him from the very beginning.
Hell was not unknown to him.
Sasuke slowly opened his eyes, tried bending his fingers and inhaled deeply. Despite his blurry vision, he had to get a grip.
Foggy memories leading to his current predicament began forming in his mind. He had been fighting, that much he was sure of. Sakura had been there, somehow, with her uncharacteristic bravery and her strikingly green eyes. And she had fought alongside him too.
He knew there would come a time when he would see them again. He just never thought it would be this soon. And Sakura being the first one to encounter made it all the more conflicting.
It seemed too soon, almost. Too raw. That night, Sakura stood before him, desperate and vulnerable. Mercilessly tempting him with what he knew could never have, a place among them. There was no place for darkness between sunlight and spring, there just wasn't.
And he would leave again, if he had to. Break her heart again, if he had to. And even kill Naruto if that's what it took to get away from the hope of it all once and for all. And break his own as well, if he still had one, for surviving was absolute and no mistakes had been made but the space between his bones had never felt more hollow.
She spoke words of love, poured her heart to him, foolishly thinking he would change his mind and Sasuke hated her and hated himself and hated them because for a second, he could see it.
But then he was reminded of what his choice meant, a darkness that would shadow everything Sakura stood for.
Only to see her, with her pastel hues and a determination foreign to him. Only to have his body move on its own to protect her, betraying everything he thought he knew.
He hated her for it.
The dizziness faded, giving way to anger and confusion. He raised himself to a sitting position. He knew she was going to there. He could almost feel her worried eyes looking at him. He knew Sakura Haruno.
And unlike him, Sakura was not a deserter.
But Sasuke wishes she was.
"Hey, take it easy! Your body's still healing. Does it hurt anywhere?" The ever so loyal and kind. Almost amusing how completely unfazed Sakura was.
He was unsure whether he felt bitterness or relief towards those touched by Heaven. She spoke to him as if he hadn't knocked her out and left her on a freezing bench just minutes after spilling the insides of her heart to him.
It was in that moment Sasuke wondered if she could be any more annoying.
"Why are you here," he demanded, glaring and turning to face her.
"Please be careful! I administered the antidote but it takes a while to fully get rid of the poison. So no sudden moves, okay?"
Of course he had seen it with his sharingan. Medical ninjutsu. The impressive growing reserves, steady and powerful, all thanks to immaculate chakra control. Still, it couldn't have been easy.
It fit her perfectly, he thought. Being a medical ninja. His touch brought about devastation and fear while her hands mended the broken and chased away the pain. Painfully ironic, in a way.
"You got poisoned because of me, Sasuke. And I'm really sorry. I guess I got carried away a bit too much towards the end there but uh, I fixed it now. You'll feel better in no time, you'll see", Sakura was looking anywhere but at him. She and Naruto always talked too much, "Uhm, there's water if you're thirsty and-"
"Sakura," he warned, startling her enough to refrain from saying any more.
He eyed her for a moment longer, finally taking the time to asses the person fidgeting before him. Was she actually nervous?
He would never admit it out loud, but the skinny little frightened girl he once knew was no more. Sakura had grown into a young woman. She had always been beautiful. Even someone as dumb as Naruto could see that. It was just one of her qualities and that was that. Sasuke didn't dwell on it and didn't blatantly stare at her the way other guys would. He had always been focused on his goal, never had any time to waste on stupid things. But seeing her now, being so close to her proximity, he couldn't help but notice.
Bewitching emerald eyes framed by the paleness of her skin. Her lips seemed fuller, and her cheeks too. Her hair the same shade of dusty pink he was used to, only longer now. Her body had changed too. She was no longer thin and scrawny, she was svelte and graceful. Sakura wore the body of a woman now.
As if feeling the intensity of his eyes, she turned to look study his eyes.
"You could at least say something. I did save your life, you know," she admitted, almost frowning, fixing him with her calculating eyes.
Foolish, naive girl. You should know better than that by now.
"I am your enemy." He mocked coldly.
"No, you're not!" She retorted, frustrated and almost terrified by how easily such words left his mouth. She should be. Because he didn't regret it. As long as she understood that the bonds they spoke so highly of, the team they foolishly dreamed of, as long as she understood that it was over.
"No matter how much you push us away, we will always come back for you. We haven't given up on you, Sasuke!"
But she didn't understand and never would. Sasuke wasn't sure if he really want her to. He didn't want anyone to truly understand what it felt like.
The last Uchiha got up off the ground and without missing a beat, so did Sakura. If there was any residue pain in his bones, he didn't feel it. The only thing he felt was hot, familiar anger.
He needed to get away.
"Where are you going?" She asked, reluctantly raising her hand to grip his arm, but deciding against it. "Look, you can't go yet." Sakura quickly began explaining about the flower, what was actually inside it and how the dangers of it existing in the shinobi world were far greater than the benefits. How the poison it carried on the exterior shielded a hidden potential. Something like a secret weapon.
She spoke about the possibility of it falling into the wrong hands, allowing him to see that she had already figured out why he was searching for it. For whom the flower was intended for: Orochimaru.
In the end, Sakura asked him to burn the glade and the flowers with it. And to keep it a secret. She would tell Tsunade she hadn't managed to find it. And Sasuke would tell Orochimaru he was wrong about the herb, that there was no real benefit to it beyond killing those who sought after it, which he came frighteningly close to.
Sakura didn't ask him to come back, didn't fall on her knees, didn't stutter or cry. She didn't do any of the things Sasuke expected her to. Instead, she came up with a smart proposition about how they should handle this situation. Not as friends, not as enemies, but as shinobi. True shinobi fighting for the greater good. She had the nerve to still think of him as a decent person, and no matter how much it infuriated him, somewhere deep down he found comfort in her devotion.
However heartless and obsessed he had become, there were people who insisted. There was Sakura, who clung to a part of him that never did him any good.
For a brief moment, Sasuke envisioned shadows dancing through the sunrise, thinking how he hadn't been completely devoid of color. He thought about remnants of color running deep within his veins, familiar and strange all the same and he thought that antidote Sakura cooked up only made him sicker.
Because life was cruel like that and he couldn't figure out what aggravated him most: being unable to blend in with them or refusing to even try.
He watched her exhale deeply, opening those emerald eyes of hers. Anxiously waiting for him to say something.
But Sasuke didn't. He instead watched her and just when she opened her mouth in attempt to further convince him, Sasuke used his signature fire jutsu and burnt all the existing herbs to nothingness, just like she'd wanted.
He didn't do it for her. No. He did it for himself because a weaker Orochimaru was easier to kill and control and the faster he got rid of him, the closer he was to finally killing Itachi.
"Thank you," she allowed, a sad smile appearing on her lips.
"Hn."
He made a move to jump away, to retreat back to his darkness, back to his goal. Away from the green and the pink and furthest away from her.
"Wait!" Sakura quickly cut in front of him, raising herself to his level, "this—" she said before gently closing her eyes, "—is payment for saving your life."
Sakura kissed him.
It was chaste and innocent and full of feeling and so full of her. Sasuke didn't want to feel this. He didn't want to feel her tenderness, her touch, the way her lips almost quivered when they touched his. The way her shaky breath lingered on his neck before she partially pulled away.
He didn't. He couldn't feel this.
"Be careful out there. We miss you...I miss you. But you already know that. And even though you might hate me even more for saying this—just know you can always count on us."
With a sigh, she pulled away completely, and this time, headed for the opposite direction.
"It was good to see you again, Sasuke."
Good to see me again, huh.
If Sasuke wasn't Sasuke, he would laugh. Not because it was funny, but because it was hilarious.
Ninjas aren't offered the luxury of belief, of faith—in anything beyond the kunai. Because the moment that you do, that you rely on something so far out of yourself, death grips you.
Like the devil. It tempts you, drowns you in false security so palpable it's uncanny. And ninjas, they know what that actually is. Genjutsu. A lie. And Sasuke was faulty by design, because he couldn't even have that.
But in that brief moment when she inched closer than people had ever done before—and why didn't he flinch?—it felt just like that.
"I never hated you, Sakura." He confessed, eyes forward and away from hers.
'I know you hate me. Even in the beginning you couldn't ever stand me.' He wasn't sure why he chose to respond to her incredibly stupid accusation now. Something inside him just couldn't bare having Sakura think he never cared about her.
Not long after, he turned turn to look at her, his signature smirk on full display. She looked hazy. Almost shy. He could see it written all over her face. Perhaps stealing that kiss affected her more than she wanted to admit.
"But you're still annoying." He taunted, and before any more ridiculous thoughts attempted to strain his judgement, Sasuke finally retreated to the depths of the forest.
He left her behind, lingering a moment longer, watching as his form gradually disappeared. She hesitantly touched the tip of her lips, wary as to not scare the bliss away. She closed her eyes, flustered, and with a final breathy complaint, Sakura started running back to where she belonged. Back to Konoha.
Going home had never felt more frustrating.
The first time it happened, it was only a kiss.
Author's note:
hi guys. how'd i do? this chapter was a bitch to write. sasuke was a bitch to write, but i love writing him. lol. next chap is going to be more centered around sakura's pov.
this story is something i've thought about for a long time. as you can see, this is the first time they meet and it's somewhere a bit pre shippuden. i had this idea that they meet in secret throughout the series and yeah... i'm curious where this story will go.
please review! it keeps me going. i know i write for myself but seeing people commenting and liking my story really makes my day. thanks for reading! hope i did well.