My Next Broken Heart
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett and Castle have moved past her MIA time, and are working toward a relationship. Ryan's Wedding is an opportune time to display their progress, Or is it? NOTE Dates have been adjusted to make this story possible. This story is full of angst, some chapters will be rough, you've been warned.
Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
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Chapter 3
NYPD
Medical Examiner Office
Same Time Frame
Kate walked into the lobby of her BFF Lanie Parish, ME, for the city of New York's office, making sure she wasn't in the middle of something. As she got closer to the glass windows, separating her office from others, she could see her friend sitting at her desk. She approached quietly and knocked, Lanie looked up and held up one finger, wait, sign. Kate then realized that she was on the phone, and if she had to bet, she would put money on it being one detective she had just left.
After a few minutes, Lanie appeared to be getting agitated and finally waved her into her office. Clearly aggravated with the caller, she had just hung up with.
"Tough call?" Kate asked, not really wanting to know,
"No, just everyone is so busy minding everyone else's business, they can just leave me out. Believe it or not, I get enough drama with these folks." As she waved to the tables with bodies in different stages of autopsies.
"Let me guess, it was Javi wanting you to talk to me about going to the wedding with Castle, right?" Kate didn't need her friend to confirm it, she was positive she was correct by the look on her friend's face.
"What if it was, Kate? There are thousands of other men that you would be worse off with. I don't get it, one moment you're here all jealous about Gina, Agent Shaw, or Natalie Rhodes, but when they're not around it's like you don't want to hear the time of day about him. What the hell is your problem, Kate?" Lanie blasted her,
"Lanie, that's not true, I'm not jealous of Castle, I mean he's with Gina right now, and"
"And it's eating you to death, what did you say with that smart ass mouth of yours now? I swear, sometimes I wonder if you think about what is coming out of your mouth, and it's only with Castle. Why is that, Kate? Even he is going to have his fill of you one day, God, I know I would have told you to go pound salt by now, and I love you." Lanie matched if not topped the roll of eyes that Kate had just finished.
"Lanie, I know, I know, I can't help it. I talked to Doctor Burke and he said it was a defensive mechanism to keep me from telling him the truth." Kate half cried,
"What's that supposed to mean Kate, that you love him? Is that your big secret because if it is, girl you need to find another one. That secret as she made the finger quotation signs in the air, has been out for over a year.
"What I can't figure out is how you can sleep with Demming and not give Rick an answer about attending Ryan's wedding with him. God, Kate, these are the people I work with, what a lame line was that?
"Hell, you worked with Demming and fucked his brains out, or so you broadcasted every chance you got around Rick to hear. How do you think that made him feel, my God, what a lame excuse that was? Tell the poor man and put him out of his misery if you don't care about him. You're embarrassing yourself as well as him," Lanie was on full blast,
"Lanie, it's not like that, Rick and I talked, he understands, I"
"You sure about that Kate? If I'm a guy I would never understand it in a million years. He even told you, he just wants to move it to the next notch, the first for most normal couples, a date to a co-worker's wedding. How much safer could that be Kate?"
"Lanie, do you really think he thinks I'm just leading him on?" Kate asked as she looked at her friend with tears in her eyes,
"What would you think, suppose it had been you asking, and girlfriend I know you were tempted to do so as soon as Alexis dumped him for a young man. Just suppose you asked him, and all he talked about was meeting with Gina, the book release, the launch, the party, anything but giving you a clue about if he was interested in going with you. How would you feel?" Lanie was on a roll,
"He has to know I have feelings for him, but my Mom's case, I can't"
"How long are you going to hold on to that excuse? It never stopped you with Will, Demming, or Josh, so why Rick, Kate? What's different with him? Look I'm your friend and if I'm asking these questions don't you think others who care about him are asking them as well.
"I know Roz or Anne either one would take him as you put it 'off your hands' in a heartbeat. You need to step up to the plate OR you're going to lose him for sure Beckett, no other way I can say this, but it's time to shit or get off the pot.
"Whatever you're keeping from him, you better decide quickly if it's worth keeping silent, or at least talking to him about, while you still can Kate." Lanie eased up some but was still pretty steamed.
"Lanie, I don't know how to tell him, hell I don't even know where to begin" Kate admitted looking down at her hands clasped in her lap. "I mean we have gotten so much closer the past few months, yet I am keeping something from him." She half cried,
"Kate, you know Castle. Do you honestly think he would leave you regardless of your secret? For the record don't tell me? That man has been with you through far more than thick and thin. Are you really giving him the credit he deserves, and no matter what you're holding back, doesn't he have the right to know if as you say you love him?" Lanie pressed,
"I don't know what to think anymore, not after he left the conference room yesterday. He knew I was lying about not hearing him at the cemetery all this time and still had my back," she whispered wiping away a single tear.
"He WHAT?" Lanie exclaimed,
"I told everyone I didn't remember anything after the gunshot, that was a lie, I heard Rick, God, those were the only words that kept me fighting some days. He told me yesterday we needed a break and when he came back tomorrow perhaps, I would have an answer to the question of how much longer I was going to lie to him about it." Kate got out,
"Why Kate? Why did you keep that a secret? I mean, my God, he and I were with you on that ambulance, he watched you code three times, I thought he was going to be next. Then your asshole boyfriend shoved him in the ER, causing the scene." Lanie said with hatred, she had never been a fan of Josh.
"Lanie, what are you talking about, what did Josh do, and why wasn't he arrested if he assaulted Rick?" Kate asked hearing this news for the first time.
"Josh was forced out of the OR, and came gunning for Castle, he shoved him so hard, he broke two ribs and gave Rick a concussion when he hit his head on the wall. The stupid fool wouldn't let Javi take the jackass to jail, he wouldn't press charges.
"Javi already had him in cuffs and had to turn him loose. He accused Rick of being the reason you were shot, the reason Roy was dead, and God knows what else came out of his mouth. Rick refused treatment until you were out of surgery and that jackass and your Dad went to see you, then he went for treatment."
"Lanie, I never knew, my father never said a word, and I would have shot the son of a bitch if I knew he had done that to Rick," Kate said, her tears falling and face flushed,
"Why Kate, why do you care, or do you care? You need to make up your mind, once and for all. I don't know this secret and I don't want to know. Javi is bad enough with the shit going on, I don't need the old washerwoman bugging me about some information that is no one's business, except yours, and perhaps Ricks.
"I do know this, if Rick called you on your lie, your time is almost up. He hates confrontation more than almost anything, that's why he settled with Gina and Meredith out of court, just to get it over. Alexis told me her Dad hated arguments, they made him ill, physically.
"He would throw up, so he keeps the peace at all costs. Even mild-mannered men like him have their limits, you're at if not over his now in my opinion." Lanie told her friend, regardless of how much it hurt her,
"Lanie, we talked, on the swings when I got back from Dad's cabin. I went to the book signing and waited until he finished, he was angry, so angry, then but he did talk to me. He even told me that I push men away because I can't let anyone get too close. He knows that until I find who murdered my mother, I can't fully commit to a relationship," Kate explained picking at a loose thread on her jeans.
"That might have held water Kate IF you hadn't fucked the doctor, pretty boy toy Robbery Detective, and your one-night stands that you don't think anyone knows about. Javi has a big mouth, he also has a lot of snitches on the street feeding him the latest gossip. I'd stay away from Starlight Motel for a long while if I were you." Lanie laid it out, Rick knew a hell of a lot more about her personal life she thought she had kept personal.
"He knows? Lanie, how? Never mind, I know how Esposito is going to get his ass kicked someday no matter if he's your boy toy." Kate fired back, putting Lanie on the defense.
"Kate, if you and Rick aren't in a relationship, then what the hell would you call your status?" Lanie eased up,
"I don't know. I know how he feels about me, he has made that clear plenty of times, and I know how I feel about him." Kate said softly,
"How do you feel about him Kate, honestly?" Lanie pushed,
"I love him, at least I think it's love, I never felt this way before about anyone." She said softly with her tears beginning to fall,
"Then what is stopping you, Kate? You know he loves you, you love him, where is the problem here?" Lanie pushed on,
"I can't Lanes, I just can't commit until he knows, he has to know everything," Kate barely got out,
"Everything Kate? This has something to do with your secret, just a yes or no please?" Lanie asked softly,
Her answer came as she helped her BFF onto a table and held her as she sobbed, uncontrollably for a long while. Whatever she was holding back had to be a whopper, she thought.
XxX
Castle's Loft
His Office, Same Period,
Rick's memory was triggered by the sound of the woman's voice, she was definitely someone he knew, but from where, not a date, no she was too professional for that. So, who the hell would be connected to the Sperm Donor of his mother causing his life to be? God, enough games,
He cleared his voice and asked, "You seem to have the advantage, and you know my father, so how do I know you?"
"Now my feelings are hurt, I thought I made a more lasting impression on you than that Rick, at least Beckett thought so. Hell, she had you practically sleeping with me, even though I was married at the time," the voice replied,
Faces of women were flashing across the memory sensory cells of Rick's brain, then it flashed on a Federal Agent that Beckett seemed to be jealous of, hell she was married, "Jordan, Jordan Shaw? What do you mean you were married at the time? That was just a few years ago, is this you?"
"Hi Rick, yeah, it's me, what can I say, shit happens. Tom thought he could handle me being in the job, but when it came down to it, he grew tired of the inconsistency of a wife to warm his bed. He did as most men do, he outsourced that part of our marriage, without bothering to tell me. Our divorce was final two years ago, Brianna is with him in Seattle, with his normal wife, the one he held auditions for while we were still married." She said, trying to mask the pain,
"Gee, I'm sorry Jordan, first for the pig, Tom turned out to be, especially for Brianna. How is she taking it?" Rick asked,
"Oh, she told me, Mom, you don't have to worry about me, it's not much different than when we lived in Chicago together, Daddy had her over all the time when you were gone, so I'm used to her. She knows better than to hurt me, I told her once that you carry a gun and would rearrange her body parts," she laughed as she recalled her little girl, well teenager now.
Rick laughed, then said, "It still sucks, how are you doing Jordan, really?" as only Rick could,
"Surviving if I'm honest Rick, did my job cost me, my husband, and my family? If I had a different job, I"
"He still would have cheated and found another reason to make you feel guilty about it or something else, I know," Rick said,
"So how are things between you and Beckett, is she ready to quit hiding and come out and tell you and the world how much she loves you yet?" Jordan asked,
"That would be more than a miracle if it ever happens, I played a bluff earlier. I always thought she remembered more about her shooting, so I asked her if she was ready to stop lying to me about not hearing me scream my love for her that day? Her face, and then her patented "Rick I can explain" was enough to tell me that I had bluffed a pair of deuces against a full house and won if you want to call it winning." Rick said sadly,
"Well, I'm not sure if this is a good time or not, but do you feel like company, I mean, if you do, open your door, we can have a beer or cup of coffee," she said shyly,
Rick ran to the front door, threw it open, almost expecting someone to be pulling a practical joke on him, but there she stood, more beautiful than ever.
"Jordan, you're beautiful, come in, please. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I mean"
"Rick, stop, thank you for the compliment, I know what you meant, it's nice to hear, and I wasn't expecting to jump into bed with you, we have a case to solve, remember Hunt will be checking on our progress soon," she said, as she pulled him close, perhaps holding him a bit longer, and tighter than usual. It was good to be in a good man's arms again.
Rick enjoyed the closeness of her body against his as well, it had been a while since he had felt the love he did when he was around Jordan.
"Coffee, or the hard stuff," he asked? Flashing her a smile, as he hurried to the kitchen area,
"We better stick to coffee, Hunt was pretty insistent this get executed in a timetable of a week to ten days, he's handling the major coordination, I'm here to throw a smokescreen in front of anyone who may be involved that he isn't aware of. He's a hell of a director Rick, I wish you'd give him a chance" Jordan added softly,
"Well, I won't argue that the son of a bitch is a great agent, cool under pressure, but as for being in my life, that's something I'm not ready to forgive, at least not just yet," Rick said softly, but sternly,
He brought two cups of steaming coffee over to the table where Jordan was sitting, and he had her three Splenda packets next to her coffee cup, he remembered, never give her Sweet and Low in the pink packets, you might just get shot. She looked up at him with a sweet smile, "I see you didn't wipe me totally out of your memory, Rick, that's good to know."
"Never would even if I could, you taught me so much about staying cool under pressure, in that case, you also drove Beckett nuts with a jealous rage, why I have no idea. She's had her share of boy toys, but if I receive the attention of a female she turns into a jealous bitch. She doesn't want me for herself, so why she gets so upset I just don't understand" Rick confided in his guest.
"Then you're as blind as she is, it's because she does care, Rick, just like you care about her. In fact, you care so much that you called in your biological father to help solve her mother's case so you could finally start to work on your relationship with her.
"I saw how the two of you acted every time you got close to one another, and unless I am completely off, there's something between you two. NOW the question is WILL either of you get off your ass and make it happen or lose possibly the love of your life." Jordan said, as she gently took his hand,
"Rick, you know as well as I do, Love hurts sometimes, but you can't just quit playing the game because you're afraid of the pain. I'm working out of the New York office for the next several weeks, so I'm at the Four Seasons hotel, I don't have anyone to hurry home to in Chicago, so this will work out fine.
"I have a cover story that I'm working with you to profile a potential serial killer who is targeting journalists, and writers, but it's a secret mission. They gave me the secret intel that your name had been spotted on the hit list, but it was all top secret, it somehow got leaked. The governor called Bob Weldon last night and told him, be sure it doesn't get leaked any farther, and I would be there tomorrow.
"Jordan, I called the Four Seasons, Eduardo is bringing your bags up now that they delivered, you're staying in the guest room upstairs. I won't have you in a hotel when you're here trying to help me solve a case." Rick said,
"Rick, I appreciate that, but this is really going to piss Kate off, even more, I mean are you sure, me staying with you now that I'm single? You and I both know nothing would happen, that is if we didn't want it to, but for now, we're trying to get Kate to get her head out of her ass and realize what a catch you are." Jordan said as the door buzzed, Rick opened it to allow Eduardo to set her bags down, and grant her a temporary key fob to Rick's apartment.
"What's this? She asked,
"It's your key, in case we are working different hours, you can't be sleeping in the hall, this is your home until you return to Chicago, me casa su casa" Rick said in a very poor Spanish accent.
"Thank you, Rick, I do hate hotels, mostly because I get lonely. I don't want to keep you up, but I do need to get out of these clothes into something more comfortable after a bath. Will the coffee still be on?" She asked,
"It will, and I'll be in my office, working on the last two Heat novels to close out the series, so take your time. I'll take your bags to your room, then let you unwind, see you in a bit,"
She kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks Rick, sorry about unloading all my personal crap on you when I first got here,"
"I'm glad you did Jordan, that's what friends are for, enjoy your bath, " he kissed her on her cheek and closed the door softly, and made his way to his office.
One thing for sure, the next week or so was going to be exciting, to say the least. Oh yeah, and they had the wedding as well.
TBC