My Next Broken Heart
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett and Castle have moved past her MIA time, and are working toward a relationship. Ryan's Wedding is an opportune time to display their progress, Or is it? NOTE Dates have been adjusted to make this story possible. This story is full of angst, some chapters will be rough, you've been warned.
Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
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A/N: This is a TOUGH chapter for Caskett shippers, be prepared. It also provides to me an answer of why she lied about hearing him, read the events and timing, and I think you'll see the hook. Thanks
Chapter 5
Beckett's Apartment
6:50 PM Same Day
Kate had stumbled through the remainder of her day, hardly aware, or even caring of what was going on with her case. Ryan had caught a break while reviewing the endless camera footage, surrounding the apartment when the victim was killed. It showed the brother, the hotshot attorney throwing something into a dumpster at a business down the street from the crime scene within two hours after the victim was killed.
He had sent uniforms to try to retrieve whatever they could find, they arrived just as the waste company was arriving to dump the trash. It didn't take more than 5 minutes, one of the patrol officers returned out of the dumpster holding a knife, with bloodstains still on it with a handkerchief so as not to corrupt any fingerprints that might be present. The prints and DNA matched those on file with the brother, who had been on the other side of the law before attending law school.
His prints and DNA were on file from previous arrests for DUI, and Assault, apparently his disregard for the police extended past Beckett when he took a swing on the arresting officer. It felt strange having Kevin next to her in the box, interrogation room, it had been Rick for almost four years now.
Kevin managed to break him in less than twenty minutes, the motive, the inheritance they were to receive from a wealthy Aunt who had established trusts for them, and any unborn children. Since his "sister was pregnant with a loser's child, she didn't deserve the free ride", he cried as he tearfully explained.
The stab to the groin was to throw suspicion towards his gay roommates, trying to indicate a lover's spat or love triangle. He apparently had watched too many cops shows on TV and acted without a lot of thought. Only he, his sister, and the victim had keys to the apartment, there was no way the roommates could have gained entrance to kill him, without first stealing his key.
Kate remembered him waving it around when she busted him for going under the police yellow tape. Once again, greed proved to win out over love, at least family love. After shattering the world of his sister, the brother would now face the death penalty, left to raise a child without a father. Sad, for everyone, but especially for the young lady who hadn't measured her love in dollars and cents.
Kate hurried home in time to get a shower, she had to wash that stink of the case off of her. She knew Rick, he was never late, no matter what. She had just finished her makeup and applied a spritz of the perfume he seemed to like so much when the doorbell rang. She glanced at her watch, reading 7:28 PM right on time, as always, she thought as she hurried to answer the door.
She peeked through the security lens, just as a precaution, and there stood Rick shifting his weight from one foot to the other. She opened the door, and smiled, "Hi Castle, right on time as always, come in, please. Coffee, water, booze, beer, or wine to drink? She asked,
"I'll stay with water thank you," he said, setting the food on the counter. This gave her the first indication that he wasn't comfortable being with her, especially in her own domain. He was nervous, more so than she had seen him in a very long time.
"Rick, relax, please, I just want to talk, do you mind if we eat first? I'm starved after the day I've had." She said, trying to start a conversation,
"Sure, no problem was his reply as he pulled out her chair for her, moving it a few feet further away from the stool he was about to sit in. Normally he would be pulling it closer, not putting distance between them, this wasn't going to be easy.
They ate silently, from the Won Ton soup to her entrée of General Tso's chicken, to his small entrée of Chicken Almond Ding. It looked like it was a half order, either he wasn't hungry or he was in a hurry to get this meeting over with, possibly both. The silence was deafening to Kate, Rick had never been this quiet for this long, she knew her work was cut out for her.
"Thanks for picking up dinner Rick, it was delicious as always," she said, then cringed, that damn word again, what was always anyway? Certainly not what was in her kitchen now.
"You're welcome, Beckett, you wanted to talk, so let's talk." He said as he took his cartons to the trash and finished his water.
"Would you like a drink now Rick, or anything else to drink?" She asked trying to keep her cool and be a gracious host.
"Coffee if it's made, if not another water will be fine," he said, sounding more like a stranger than her partner, a man who had saved her life several times.
Just then the coffee maker sounded that the brew cycle had completed, "Perfect timing Rick." She smiled, as she rose to bring him his coffee. He was already standing and heading to the counter, not allowing her to serve him,
She went to her den, slash living room where her couch and the coffee table were located, and turned to see him waiting for her direction. "Is this OK Rick?" she asked once again, trying to get past the exterior he had shielded himself with, probably expecting the worse.
Why would he expect bad results, then she thought, why wouldn't he Kate, what glimmer of hope have you given to him? She sat, and he followed once again leaving as much distance between them as possible. "Rick, I hope you know how hard this is for me, I mean, you know me better than anyone, so for me to open up and talk about anything. It's taken years of therapy, and your patience, I appreciate more than you ever will know,"
"Beckett you said you wanted to talk, so let's talk. We're both keenly aware of our history." He replied, cutting to the chase. He wasn't here for small talk, he had asked her two questions she owed him an answer to, hell she should have answered him right away about Ryan's wedding, what was the big deal she had made out of it. The other question, the lie, was going to take some willpower to get through the entire story,
"OK, Rick, I'm sorry, I know I've hurt you, once again. I should have just answered you when you proposed that we go together, I made a big deal out of it and gave you a bullshit line you saw right through, so for that please forgive me" she pleaded,
"Beckett, do you know what it feels like to be lied to, not once, but over and over? Do you know what it feels like to see others meet your standards and attempt to develop relationships with them, knowing full well that you're not really into them?
She hung her head, and whispered low, "Rick, this is me trying to beg your forgiveness, you didn't deserve the lies, or the treatment I gave you. I could tell another lie and say I don't know why, or that I wasn't ready but I won't. I have to tell you something that is going to hurt us both, I me"
Just then his phone rang, he glanced down at the number, she could see that it was Jordan Shaw, even from as far away as she was seated.
"I have to take this, I'm sorry, I'll be right back." He said as he headed towards her bathroom for a little privacy,
Her stomach began to flip, and suddenly she was losing her courage, how the hell could she tell him the real reason for her behavior, especially the lie? She sat and thought, as she waited, then she was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of her door buzzer, She glanced towards where Castle had walked, no sign of him as she rose to answer the door.
She opened the door, not bothering to check the security viewer, and almost fainted when she saw who was standing there.
"Josh, what the hell are you doing here?" She asked closing the door partially, praying that Rick's call would continue until she could dispose of her old beau, and keep a man that Rick Castle truly despised out of sight.
"I'm sorry Kate, I should have called, but you probably wouldn't have taken my call. I thought we should talk. Can I come in?" he asked, keenly aware that she was hiding something, or somebody she didn't want him to see.
"Josh, you're right you should have called, now is not a good time, I'm sorry." She said almost in a whisper, praying that Rick wouldn't hear.
He looked at her and replied quietly, "you look much better than the last time I saw you, of course, hospital gowns never flattered any woman's figure" he said, as his memory flashed back to her room at the hospital and her dismissal of him.
"Josh, life goes on for us all, I mean a lot has happened since then," she said softly, peeking over her shoulder to see Rick still on his cell phone near her bedroom.
"The reason I stopped, the reason I thought we should talk is that I'm getting married," Josh blurted out wanting to get the announcement out before he lost his cool. "She's a nurse at the hospital, she works in the Cardiac Surgery Department, it just happened, I mean I never thought, well you know how that goes."
Kate looked shocked, but not upset, he had only been a place keeper, they both knew it after the breakup, "Well, congratulations, I guess, if you're happy, I'm happy for you. You didn't have to come all of this way to tell me in person." She whispered again, trying to get rid of him and keep her voice low so Rick wouldn't hear.
"Kate, I did. I know we didn't exactly part on the best of terms, but when we announced our engagement, it jogged my memory. I just remembered that our engagement date was your original due date for our baby. I didn't want to hurt you or for you to think it was done out of spite. I know you kept the first ultrasound picture, the one we went together to see the doctor, even if things didn't work out for us as a couple or parents.
"Adrian, my fiance knows of us but not that you lost the baby, and we would have been parents if not for the sniper. I'm sorry that this brings back old memories, I truly am, but I needed you to know, I'm not trying to hurt you. I said enough terrible things after your miscarriage in the hospital, words, I can never take back. It's important that you know I'm not trying to hurt you anymore.
"Josh, please, don't, I can't, not now." She pleaded, praying that Rick didn't hear.
"Kate, we never talked about it- the miscarriage, I can remember you and the ultrasound, we were both happy. I mean, was that the reason."
"What miscarriage? Kate, what's going on?" Castle asked, his anger obvious with the man he hated standing in the doorway,
"Castle? I always thought there was more than friends between you two, I should have known the two of you would get together. Look at me and tell me that he's NOT the reason why we split up. You couldn't lie then and you can't lie now, Kate, it's always been Castle, hasn't it?" Josh questioned his ex.
"Josh, I told you once, I'm telling you again, now is not the time, and since we broke up what I do, who I do it with, is none of your business. Congratulations on your wedding, I'd like to say she's a lucky woman but I've reached my quota of lies for this week.," Kate told him before her cell phone on the table began to ring. "Excuse me." As she went over to answer it.
She made the mistake of not closing the door in Josh's face, he had caused enough damage to her and Castle's relationship already. Rick, already pissed off, and now finding out this information in such a crude way from the man he hated, was almost enough to send him into a blind rage. He approached the doorway where Josh stood. This time no cops, and he wasn't Kate's boyfriend, so it was game on.
"So how long did it take, Castle? Josh asked, "Or did you even bother to wait until we had split?" Josh asked the hatred spewing from his lips,
"How long did it take for what," Castle asked.
"Oh, don't give me that, you know damn well what I mean, for the two of you to jump into bed together," Josh replied knowing that Castle was the main reason Kate wouldn't commit to him, even after she was pregnant with their child.
"What Beckett and I do, in or out of bed, is none of your business Josh! It never really was in the first place. Oh, don't try a repeat of your temper tantrum you pulled when she was shot, I won't hold back this time. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to see you carted out of here to your hospital on a stretcher."
Josh thought for a moment, looked at Kate with a long look, then turned around walking away from the woman who would have been the mother of his child by now if not for that fateful day. He knew that he was wrong to say what he had, blaming her for the miscarriage, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she hadn't lost the baby- their baby. If Only?
Rick closed the door quietly as Kate finished her call, and began to gather his belonging to leave, when he heard her,
"Castle, we have a case, let's go."
"No Beckett, you have a case, I'm going home. I came here to talk, instead, I discover another secret you hid from me, you were pregnant with Josh's kid?" his voice quivered with the tears he was fighting hard not to shed,
"How many people knew Beckett? How many people did I look like a total fucking idiot in front of? At least tell me the truth about that, if you can tell the truth at all." He spit out, hurt, angry, and confused, still reeling from the latest secret to be revealed from the Beckett vault.
"Rick, I'm sorr"
"HOW MANY BECKETT? He repeated the question this time with some venom in his voice,
"Lanie and the boys knew, Captain Gates caught me heaving in the ladies' room, so I'm pretty sure she knew, although she never said a word. The same with Karpowski, and Anne, I'm sure they figured it out especially when I started dumping my coffee, I just couldn't stand the smell, much less the taste. Anne finally told me to set it on her desk and keep my mouth shut.
Rick's face grew sadder with that admission, coffee, it had been more to him than just a cup of coffee. He thought she felt the same as he, but apparently, he was wrong, so wrong about so many things. Did he know her at all? He was beginning to doubt it as he put his sports coat on, and silently headed towards the door,
"Rick, I, eh, we still need to talk, will you?" she pleaded,
"I don't know Beckett; I really don't know." And the door closed behind him.
That's when Kate's tears fell, for a good ten minutes, so long that she got a reminder text from dispatch about the case. She replied, "on my way," bit her lip, and did what she always did, her job.
XxX
Castle's Loft
6 Hours Later
With no one home, except possibly for Jordan there was no hurry to get home to anyone. He had walked home, past home to be exact. He was numb, she had been pregnant, he had tried to save her life, not knowing she was carrying HIS child. Others knew, he was sure they had a great laugh at his expense.
He stopped picked up a cup of coffee and proceeded to the park entrance, a place that usually cheered him up. Today it just made things worse. Everywhere he looked, he saw small children, little girls, with brunette hair, little Becketts, running all around, happy couples, laughing, holding hands, doing everything couples did to profess their love to one another. She had been PREGNANT, by him, My God, man, what is it going to take for you to regain your spine, he thought.
He left the park and arrived at the library, another place of solace on most days, but today was not like most days. He had felt low, depressed, defeated before, but he would trade all or any of those for how he was feeling now.
How low did you have to go before your body just disintegrates back into the minerals it was made from? How much did the Universe expect one man to take, before, well before he was forced to take actions to end his pain?
There was only one reason he hadn't succumbed to thoughts of self-preservation, of the permanent type, his little girl. She wasn't so little anymore, a teenager, with her own life to live. He would never put her through that, it was bad enough she had been shortchanged in the parent department, he sure as hell wasn't about to ruin the memories, they both had, no one was worth that.
A stickler for the rules and etiquette of the library, he had silenced his phone to vibrate once he entered. It had vibrated a few times, but when he checked the incoming call, it was from the last person he wanted to talk to now, Beckett. It buzzed again, he thought she was persistent, but this time it was Jordan. He made a quick exit just outside the main door and answered the call on the fourth ring, just before it went to voice mail.
"Hi Jordan, is everything OK?" he asked, trying to hide his sadness,
"Rick, come home, I know, I know you're hurting. Please come home, I'm here. Kate called and poured her heart out almost four hours ago. Where are you Luv? Do you need me to come and help you, you haven't been drinking have you?" The genuine concern in her voice, very apparent.
"I'm at the library Jordan, I haven't been drinking, what time is it anyway? I haven't been walking that long, have I?" he asked,
"Rick, come home, it doesn't matter, yes you've been walking for almost 6 hours since you left her. I'm worried about you, I can't lose my only friend in the world, please, for me, come home, wait let me come to you, please?" Tears were in her voice,
"Jordan, call the limo and tell Tony to bring you to the East entrance to the library, I'll be waiting for you, I promise you, I'm OK," Rick said,
"Stay where you're at Rick, I'm on my way, and never forget, I CARE ABOUT YOU, I care about you probably a lot more than I should but I do, and I can't help it. Please Luv, we'll be there soon, keep talking to me while we're on the way? I don't want to lose you Rick" she said tears in her voice,
"Jordan, you're not going to lose me, you can always call me back, I mean,"
"No Rick, I DON'T want to lose Richard Castle, that's you, I know I could always call you back, but I'm scared out of my head now, we're coming out of the park, we'll be at your location soon,"
"I see the car Jordan, relax, I'm OK, really, I am," he had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when a lady jumped from a still moving limo and ran to him, grabbing him and kissing him like the world was ending any second.
"I should say I'm sorry, but I won't, I hope I didn't embarrass you, Rick," Jordan said, as she blushed,
Rick helped her into the car, and turned her head, this time it was him who initiated the kiss, and she didn't resist. She had wanted this for such a long time if she were being honest,
TBC