My Next Broken Heart
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett and Castle have moved past her MIA time, and are working toward a relationship. Ryan's Wedding is an opportune time to display their progress, Or is it? NOTE Dates have been adjusted to make this story possible. This story is full of angst, some chapters will be rough, you've been warned.
Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
**************************************************************************/
A/N: I got a ton of reaction to the last chapter as I expected, I did get some unexpected comments about why did I put Rick and Jordan into an intimate situation? As far as I can tell, by re-reading what I wrote, and what was published, a few kisses don't begin to pale to what Beckett has been caught doing. I didn't place them in an intimate situation, one line Jordan used was 'you need to sort your stuff with Beckett out first, then if there is a first', so Confused on that one. Just to be clear, it was the one excuse of why she told Rick she didn't remember. That was more plausible than the BS from the show, when she was shot, she was still pregnant with Josh's child, it wasn't until later she fought with him about losing it and broke up. When she first saw Rick she had no choice but to confess and tell the entire truth or tell another lie to cover the first lie, she chose what she typically did, lie.
Chapter 6
Castle's Loft
The Next Morning,
Rick didn't remember much from the night before, only kissing Jordan at least once, more than that he was pretty sure. He awoke with his pajamas on and a glass of water and two aspirins on his nightstand, with a simple note,
"take these when you wake up, and no you were still the perfect gentleman, see you when you wake up, you needed the sleep, so please don't be angry, I do care about you Rick, we can talk when you want,
Me (aka Jordy) "
FLASHBACK TO THE PREVIOUS EVENING,
They had sat on the couch, and he had partaken far more than his share of spirits as he explained to Jordan what had happened at Beckett's apartment and how he wound up at the library hours later. The revelation that she had been to the doctor's office with Josh, and had kept a picture of the fetus from the ultrasound pushed him almost over the top. It wasn't only WHAT he discovered, it was from WHO, and HOW it all came out, tears filled his eyes as he spoke, but he would not let them fall.
"Why Jordan, why did she do that? Hell, she was pregnant with her boyfriend's child and she still continued to play the game with me, leading me on, letting me think there was a chance down the road. That was the reason she said she didn't hear me, she didn't have to explain the baby, or miscarriage or anything that had happened with the almighty doctor since she picked him up on a bike run.
"The timing of an ultrasound tells me that she didn't waste any time in sharing her bed with the doctor, hell, she ran two background checks on me to allow me to shadow her. I'm such a fool, I went over there still with a glimmer of hope that she would, she could be truthful with me. Hunt warned me, he even told me she was a heart breaker, and I was just working on my next broken heart every day I spent around her.
"I hate that son of a bitch, but he was right, she was my next broken heart, he saw it from thousands of miles away. Why Jordan? Why would any woman do something as cruel as that? It's not like I haven't been dumped before, or rejected by beautiful women, I've struck out more than Derek Jeter and he has the Yankee record for whiffs." He whined,
"Rick, I can't tell you why, it wouldn't be my place to even if I could, that's between you and Kate. All I can say is I'm here, I care about you, and I'll protect you if you'll let me." She knew in his state it would be easy to just fall in bed, but she didn't want the first time if there was to be a first, to be that kind of memory.
She pulled him close, his head nestled in her bosom, not sexually, more like a mother would comfort a child. It was almost 4:00 AM, he had to get some sleep, she could update Hunt from the loft tomorrow, but he was going to have a hell of a hangover.
She managed to get him into his bedroom, he got his clothes off without assistance and had his pajama bottoms on, his top was buttoned wrong, all the holes and buttons crossed. She unbuttoned and fixed his top, helped him to bed, leaned down, and kissed him goodnight.
She knew he wouldn't remember much, except the hurt, so she brought the aspirins and water and left him the note. She was going to let him sleep it off, that was the best she could do for now to fix his hurt, a hurt that ran deeper than even she could have imagined.
Her own opinion of Kate Beckett had just dropped like a dot com stock in the stock market, she talked a good game, but it was her actions that counted. Those had proved she didn't give a damn about her friend.
No surprise that Hunt cautioned him, he knew her type, he probably knew about the baby and miscarriage after her shooting as well, but he would never release any intel. It was his way of trying to protect his son, even if Rick didn't see it.
She retreated to the guest room, and made several calls, directing the activities she was responsible for. Hunt had laid out a very detailed plan that required everyone to be in sync, in four days, the day before the big wedding for Ryan, would be the day all hell broke loose in New York. Several prominent political figures, as well as some of the seedier citizens of New York, were about to lose their freedom.
After her calls, she laid down for a nap, setting the alarm for 7:00 AM, there was no way Rick would be up yet, not with what he drank last evening, and let her mind go to a happy place. She showered, dressed in shorts, and a crop top, since she wasn't going to the office, no need for business attire.
She was in the kitchen finishing breakfast, she planned on taking him a tray to his bed to allow him more time to recover when Rick stumbled into the room, holding his head, with his robe on, but not tied.
"Good Morning, Rick," she said and kissed his cheek,
"Good Morning Jordan, what time is it anyway? God I should have been up hours ago, we have that decoy operation to partake in" he said, proving even with a hangover, he was concerned more about others,
"Well, I made some phone calls, we're free the rest of today, Hunt has to set some things up to sync with our part of the operation. We're on schedule, besides you need some time to get over that hangover." She smiled, as she placed a cup of hot coffee in front of him.
He took the cup, brought it to his lips, and smiled gently, as he took the ice pack Jordan was handing him.
"How bad was I last night Jordan, I mean I didn't, I eh,"
"Relax Rick, you were the gentleman you always are, but you killed a couple of stragglers of your single malt liquor bottles. You talked for a few minutes, then took a drink, talked some more, you finally got the entire story out around 3:30 AM.
"I got you to walk to your room, and no worries, you got yourself undressed. I just corrected the buttons on your top. I left the aspirins and water knowing your head was going to feel like it had exploded." She smiled, locking on his eyes,
"It does, and thank you so very much. I guess I sounded like a weak pitiful excuse of a man, I mean I didn't even know that she and the doctor had gotten pregnant. She always complained he was gone, apparently, he wasn't gone as much as she made out." Rick said, tears in his eyes,
"Hey, stop it, do you remember what I told you last night? It's OK if you don't, I mean you were dealing with a ton of crap from Kate,"
"You told me you cared about me, I think your words were, "I CARE ABOUT YOU, I care about you probably a lot more than I should but I do, and I can't help it." I didn't know if you meant it or if you were just trying to keep me on the phone to keep me from doing something stupid." He looked at her eyes, then to the counter,
"I meant it, Rick, I still do, BUT I don't expect anything from you in return. You have enough to deal with, just know that no matter what, I'm here for you," She said, taking his hand and holding it gently,
"Jordan did you kiss me last night? I remembered a sweet kiss from a lady I swore was you jumping out of the limo, but then I thought no,"
"Rick it was me, I did kiss you, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so forward. I was just so worried sick about you," She said, suddenly embarrassed her face flushed red,
"I think I should be the one who apologizes, I remember kissing you in the limo, it was as hot and long as the one we shared before we started home. I enjoyed both, a lot more than I ever dreamed I could, but as you say, I have a ton of crap to work through with Beckett before I am fit to even think about anything new. I'm sorry,"
He felt her arms go around him and her head snuggle into his neck, "I know Rick, I know, but I'm here. Please don't be sorry, I loved them, all the kisses we shared, even the ones you don't remember. I'll be here, to help you work things out, regardless of which direction you want to go," she said softly, he felt the tears drip down her cheek, and onto his pajama top,
He held her a few minutes when she composed herself, she scolded that breakfast was getting cold, and he needed to eat. They didn't say much during breakfast, they didn't need to, their eyes did all the talking that was needed until Rick left to take a shower and dress for the day. He pulled away from her hug, kissing her gently on the cheek, and whispering "thank you, you don't know how much this means to me."
XxX
Previous Evening
Beckett's Crime Scene
Beckett never had to be reminded about a call before, Dispatch was surprised that she hadn't acknowledged as she always did. When she did arrive on the scene, it was so much different than what she had grown accustomed to, rather than the boys, she met Anne and Roz, with Perlmutter leaning over the victim.
"I have no idea of why homicide was called out for a suicide," Perlmutter scoffed, "This isn't my first rodeo, I did graduate from med school the same as our Dr. Parrish." He was in his typical mood as Roz rolled her eyes, and Anne shrugged her shoulders,
"Are we sure it's a suicide, Roz? I know many times the evidence points that way, but how can we be so sure without investigating?" Kate asked, earning her a disgusted look from both Anne and Roz.
"We did investigate, we arrived on the scene when the call first came in, not like you. Beckett, you're not the only detective that can solve cases for the NYPD, this one was a suicide, end of the story."
"But how can you be so sure Roz, I'm sorry I'm late but,"
"Forget it, Kate, we have a witness, the victim just left his girlfriend's apartment, she watched from the window as he pulled the gun out and shot himself. Perlmutter confirmed that there is gunshot residue on his hand, the hand, that was holding the Glock. Patrol located another witness, two buildings down, not familiar with the man or woman who confirmed the story." Anne said,
"The weapon had been fired very recently, according to ballistics, and they will run a test to confirm the slug came from that weapon, until then we mark this as tentative suicide. Once the expected results come back, we should be able to close it as a non-homicide case." Roz said as Kate looked at the young man, younger than her, the girlfriend in hysterics, EMT tending to her, trying to get her to the hospital.
"Anyone find out WHY, why such a young man, successful by the look of his clothes and the Rolex watch on his arm would go to such drastic measures, and why so close to her apartment, hell even given his girlfriend was watching?" Kate asked,
"The girlfriend is pregnant, they argued, and then he left," Anne said flatly,
"Argued about what Anne? That doesn't make sense, he should be happy, he was going to be a Dad." Kate said, still oblivious,
"He wasn't the father Beckett, do we need to spell it out, she cheated on him and got knocked up by his brother, of all people." Roz spit out, her disdain for cheaters was up there with Rick's. "Her confession Beckett, not any detective work we did, that's why she's so distraught, she has to live with what she and the brother did. God, I'm glad I don't live my life that way." Roz said as she closed her notepad.
"Dispatch has notified Gates that we were called out, we don't have to report until 10:00 AM, so, try to get some rest," Anne said softly, as she and Roz walked back to their car.
"Thanks, Anne, Roz, again, sorry I was late, it won't happen again," Kate said as Roz just waved her hand and they kept walking.
Kate drove home, feeling even worse about how Rick had found out, she had meant to tell him, so many times, about both, the lie, and the baby. She just never got the courage. Was it so hurtful to a man, like a couple, former couple now, she had just left, to take such drastic action?
She called Doctor Burke's office while in route, expecting to receive the answering system, but instead, the doctor answered.
"Dr. Burke, how can I help you?" came the deep baritone voice over the line,
She sputtered, and stammered as she said, "Dr. Burke you're in your office?" She asked,
"This sounds like Kate Beckett, and no, I had an emergency I had the call transferred to my home phone, the service hasn't reverted yet. How can I help you at this hour, Kate?" He said gently,
"Thanks, Doctor, it's Beckett, I'm just on my way home from a call, that hit too close to home, and I wanted to see you at the emergency hour tomorrow if it was possible?" she said,
"What kind of call were you on Kate? It has to be something awful to rattle you, you've been through just about everything" he asked,
"It turned out not to be a homicide, but a suicide. A young couple argued, she was pregnant, and he"
"Stop Kate, that was the emergency call I was on, Mr. Alby was a patient of mine, and his girlfriend was supposed to come with him tomorrow at his next session. I was on the line with him when, well when he finally gave up for good," Dr. Burke said,
"Oh my God," Kate exclaimed, "How can you be so calm Doctor?" she asked,
"The same way you can look at the grizzly murder scenes day in and day out, it's my job." He said softly, "I think it would be a good idea to meet with you, I'll see you soon, Kate. Try to get some rest, no one living can change what has happened now, Good Night" as he clicked off.
She stumbled into her apartment, the fragrance was faint but still present, the only man who wore that aftershave, Rick. She sat down at her kitchen table and began to cry. What had she just gone through the last 12 hours, whatever it was, it certainly didn't accomplish what she had desired, Rick to understand and forgive her? She had a better chance at winning the lottery now than for that to happen, and who could blame him.
A man had taken his life, the permanent solution for temporary problems because his girlfriend was carrying another man's child. The ultimate fraud, committed against the one you loved, or at least professed to, how could anyone do that? How could you live with yourself?
Then her thoughts turned to her actions with Rick, even after she knew for certain, even after she and Josh had witnessed the first ultrasound and been given pictures of the momentous occasion. Had she committed fraud on the same level? Had she led Rick on for hope of something deeper someday, knowing she was carrying Josh's child?
Oh God, she was just as bad as the cheating girlfriend, she hadn't cheated but she had tiptoed right to the line without crossing it. Even worse, she had played with Castle's feelings, even knowing things could never be.
She fell across her bed, still fully clothed, and cried for the young man who died, for the girlfriend and the entire family, and finally for herself and Rick. She found her old journal under the side pillow, pulled it out, and began to write, she knew Dr. Burke would be asking many of the same questions she was asking herself.
The more she wrote down what had happened, the better she felt, things weren't spinning all around inside of her, she needed an accurate account of just exactly what had occurred. She had been wrong, no doubt, she had many sins to confess and ask forgiveness, perhaps working with Dr. Burke would help her put some context to her journal, and even suggest how she should approach Rick.
She knew as of now, she was the last person he wanted to talk to, much less see. Her call log of 37 missed calls to him proved that to her if nothing else. Rick was perhaps the most forgiving person she had ever met, but she may have pushed him over the line, even for his soft heart.
The coffee maker beeped, signaling she could finally have a cup of the liquid energy. She knew there was no reason to try to sleep, it was almost time to shower and head to Dr. Burke, then to the office. She replayed the scene between Josh and Rick in her mind, what started as what she was sure a kind gesture by her ex resulted into perhaps the final straw for Richard Castle and any hope of even a friendship with him now.
She heard the paper thump against the door, since she was fully dressed, she might as well disappoint the perv who delivered her paper each morning, always trying to see what he could see. Just for good measure she took her service weapon out, opened the door, and saw the look on the man's face go from delight to fright, something about a fully clothed woman with a Glock in her hand to change even a perv's perspective.
She quickly glanced at the paper, paying close attention to the entertainment section, they always seemed to have the scoop on when Rick would be holding his next book tour, no such luck today. She had one last cup of coffee and headed out, thankful that the doctor was going to see her, but knowing what they shared last evening added a sense of urgency as well as trepidation to her visit.
One moment the young man was alive, aware of his emotional problems, thus the appointment with Dr. Burke, then one major event, one life event that he couldn't cope with, and the fragile balance of his psyche had crumbled, resulting in his death in a mere matter of moments. Is that all there was to life? One imbalance, and all that you had worked for, could result in you ceasing to exist. Scary, she thought, especially as messed up emotionally as she had been for such a long time.
She stopped for he cup of coffee, and took her time, she was early, so she sat on a bench, taking a hint from Castle. He once had said, "Beckett, you'd be surprised at how much you can learn about life, just by watching people, their faces, emotions, and mannerisms."
She began to observe what he meant, some people wore their emotions on their faces, anger, disgust, exhaustion, were common traits she noticed in less than ten minutes she sat as she finished her coffee. She wondered, to the trained observer like Rick, what did he pick up from her, just watching? Did she send him more signals than even she intended?
She walked up the stairs to the rear hallway, a few moments later she heard keys rustling, and then "Good Morning, Kate, just give me a few more minutes and I'll be right with you." He smiled,
A few minutes later the door swung open she entered and took her usual seat, his desk with his cup of tea steaming to her right, as he opened his pad, never rushing, just prodding, when necessary, she thought.
"Thanks for seeing me Dr. Burke, I'm sorry to say this one is a mess. She began by telling him about Rick asking her to accompany him to Ryan's wedding in three days, and her hesitancy, afraid she would reveal the entire truth, and lose him forever.
"Kate, you say that you withheld the truth from Mr. Castle to keep him from leaving you, can you elaborate on that please." He asked, in his kind way,
"I knew you would ask that Doctor, last evening after we spoke, after it hit me, the gravity of the young man who saw no other way out than to kill himself, I wrote what I think you want to know in my journal." As she handed him the leather-bound tablet,
"I would like to say I'm proud of you Kate, but I think that acknowledging you have made great progress since we first met would be more appropriate. You mention the young man's suicide last evening, without breaching any confidences, it was more than one life event that he couldn't face any longer, I wish I could say more, but rarely does someone take that drastic action just for one reason."
He began to read the journal, how she had met Josh, and wanted to get even with him for flirting with Jordan Shaw, so she hooked up with him, then the surprise of a lifetime. She became pregnant, and she was sure it was Josh's, they were exclusive for the 14 weeks since she had met him.
Dr. Burke's eyebrows raised when he read of Josh accompanying her to the OB/GYN office for the first ultrasound, the picture, and then the events after the shooting. The harsh words, he had blamed her for killing their child, but the events that had Doctor Burke's attention was the day-to-day activities she had described she had done with Castle.
"Kate were you aware that you were acting like Mr. Castle had an opportunity to pursue longer and deeper relationships with you, even when you were carrying the baby of the doctor?" He looked over his glasses,
Kate had not cried in 8 hours, the tears flowed giving the doctor his answer.
"Oh dear, we do have a mess, don't we? Please take a few moments, compose yourself, the next hour was supposed to be for Mr. Alby, but he won't be coming, so we need to discuss some issues in a great deal more depth.
Kate's head nodded yes, as she struggled to control herself.
TBC