My Next Broken Heart
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: This is Totally AU; Beckett and Castle have moved past her MIA time, and are working toward a relationship. Ryan's Wedding is an opportune time to display their progress, Or is it? NOTE Dates have been adjusted to make this story possible. This story is full of angst, some chapters will be rough, you've been warned.
Taking Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
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Chapter 7
Castle's Loft
Later Same Morning
Rick had stayed in the hot shower, much longer than normal, with the effects of the hot water, caffeine, and the additional aspirins Jordan had made him take before he left the table, he was beginning to feel like he would live through the day. He had suffered plenty of hangovers in his life, but he had to admit, it had been a long time since his last occurrence. Now he remembered why.
He dressed in cargo shorts, and a short sleeve casual shirt, finished his grooming, and then rejoined Jordan in the living room. She smiled as he walked past her, on the phone with someone in DC, and very adamant about the instructions of what she wanted.
"Look, I'm just delivering the instructions, if you can't or won't do what I tell you to do, then I'll have to call the big guy, and you DON'T want me to do that," she said, whoever the big guy was, there was a complete change in the conversation. "I thought so, OK, then it's all set, great," she said and hung up,
"Sorry about that Rick, I thought we had everything covered, but something came up, Jackson wanted me to handle it," she said, blushing as he sat down close to her. His fragrance filled her nostrils and ignited the deep embers within her organs that had craved for a man for such a long time, the same senses that had been cold for such a long time deep within her that she had almost forgotten what it was like to be stimulated.
She was almost embarrassed to be so turned on with just a man sitting close to her, hell she was a woman with a teenager, this wasn't her first time around the block. She looked at him smiling, almost positive he knew the effect he had on her and her hormones. She finally got hold of herself, her raging hormones, and started a conversation, as lame as it was.
"You look like you might actually live through the day, how are you feeling any better?" she asked, as she took his hand,
"Much, thanks to you, I'm sure those aspirins and that large bottle of water went a long way to start my recovery. It's the first hangover I've had in, God, I don't remember when." He smiled,
"Well, I tried to stop you a couple of times, but by then the damage was already done, so I just tried to keep you from getting alcohol poisoning. The more you talked, the more I needed a drink, but two drunk people, especially after our emotional greeting and ride home would NOT be responsible. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have regretted it. I just want the first, if there ever is a first to be because we want each other, not either of us a substitute for another.
"You mean that Jordan? I know I laid a lot on you last night. I'm sorry, I can't tell you how much it meant to be cared for", he glanced into her eyes deeply, "by you." He blushed but didn't pull away when she reached up and kissed him, more than a friendship kiss.
"In time Rick, in time, and of course I meant it. The more you talked, the angrier I got at Beckett and realized that you had to work this out, before you could move on, with anyone. It's no coincidence that this week's activities are timed when they are. I only hope she knows just how much you went out of your way to deliver to her the prize she's been chasing for so long.
"When Jackson called me, he was adamant about two things, the timetable, and that I handle this personally since I had previous experience working with you both," Jordan said softly,
"Can I ask, did he fill any of the blanks for you, or did that happen last night, you'll have to forgive me but I don't remember what I said, only some good parts" he smiled,
"He told me of her connection with the doctor, I was surprised to be honest Rick. The talks she and I had before I left, I thought for sure she was about to open up to you. I can't figure her out, I mean even as a profiler, something is keeping her from opening up to you. Somewhere someone knows the secret, and how to unlock it." Jordan said,
"God knows I tried Jordan, but sooner or later you have to accept that things aren't going to work out as you wished, or hoped for. Reality sometimes is a very harsh lesson for us all, and I know in my life, I've found that you don't get something without giving up something else. Life is full of tradeoffs, (his glance was out the window, perhaps imagining one of the tradeoffs in his life) sometimes cruel ones, but still, you learn to survive."
"The more I profile people the more I understand the complexity of the human race, just when you think you have something figured out, wham along comes a Beckett with her unpredictable behavior," Jordan said, smiling, as Rick returned from the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee, her three yellow packets to the side as always.
"Jordan, I don't want to make light of the science of profiling and all of your experience, but this wasn't the first time Beckett pulled a Beckett, I mean she's surprised everyone at the precinct from time to time.
"She may very well be the one exception to most rules, God knows only she knows what music she's marching to from one day to the next. Enough about her, what would you like to do today, you said we were off, is that still valid?" He picked her up and twirled her around once gently, once again those eyes, damn, she was a puddle again.
"Your last question first, yes it's valid as long as my phone is fully charged, I can take care of any loose ends from anywhere, as to your second question, we don't have to go anywhere, Rick. I'm perfectly content here with you. I mean, I, gosh I'm sounding like everything I don't want to needy, desperate, and Horn"
Her last word was stopped when Rick kissed her, it wasn't a kiss of appreciation or even you're hot, it was one that told her, I care about you as well. "Jordan, I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm not trying to sleep with you, although I've imagined it since we first worked together, you were married then. I guess what I'm trying to say is I care about you, probably more than I should and I have for much longer than I should, but there I confessed, guilty as charged." He said,
She returned the kiss, "Rick, we're much too close to hurt each other by rushing things, will you wait with me, until you know what you want? I would die if I started something then lost it. You know the feeling when you're tossed aside, and I may look strong, but that would kill me." She said a tear falling from her eye,
"Of course, Jordan, of course. I understand, and I'm just so thankful you're here and not at that damn hotel." Rick replied, wiping her tear off of her cheek with his shirt, "Sorry, I would have to stop hugging you to get my hankie, so I hope this is, OK?" and laughed,
She held him tight, and for the first time since her divorce, she felt whole again. It wasn't that they had made love, although she was starting to hope for that, it was the way he made her feel complete, worthy, and special. He had a way of doing that with every woman, probably an offshoot from the deep love he had for his mother and daughter. She wasn't going to analyze it; she was just going to enjoy every minute of her time with him like this.
XxX
NYPD 12th Precinct
Later Same Morning
Kate knew it was going to be a mess when she first called the good doctor, but even his facial expressions, usually stoic as a stone monument, displayed shock, and disappointment in her actions. The hard part was she had journalized her activities, Dr. Burke would help her work through them, but the big issue remained, what about Rick? How could she explain away both a baby and a lie?
She was and had been on shaky ground with him for trust issues since she had hidden away at her Dad's cabin. That act changed not only her, but the way Rick looked at her, listened to her words, and his willingness to accept what she was saying as truth without any verification. Those days were gone, she knew deep inside she had created trust issues for them if they ever got their act together, and she couldn't blame him.
She left Doctor Burke's office when her time, actually her time and the deceased Mr. Alby's hour as well were consumed, exhausted, and feeling defeated. Doctor Burke had leveled with her, she may have done the one unthinkable act to kill Castle's love, lie and then allow him to believe he had hope when she was moving forward with plans to raise the child with another man.
She had never said she would marry Josh, hell, he never asked, but she was adamant that the child know both parents, even if it involved other spouses for the parents. She had witnessed firsthand too many broken homes and what the effect had been on the innocent victims, the kids, and pledged it would never happen to her child if she ever had one.
She picked up her coffee, a bittersweet moment when she walked into Java Joes, and the young lady asked her if she knew a consultant named Rick, it was odd, he ordered the exact skim free late with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla every day, but they hadn't seen him in a few days.
"No, I'm sorry, I don't know your Rick, the consultant, and I agree it's odd that he orders the exact same late as me." She had lied again, she needed to get out of that place, and walk to get her bearings back. This was where Rick stopped every day to bring her how did he put it? She knew the words by heart, as she whispered them to herself once again as she continued to walk towards the precinct.
"Every morning, I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met. And I love you."
"He loved her! That was then, this is now, she doubted he felt the same after his conversation with Josh, and the timetable he constructed quickly in his head. He wasn't a fool, he knew she was still offering, well at least in subtext, the language they both spoke so well, something she would never be able to give. Another Lie! Her conscience screamed. You led him on, and you know it.
It was almost as if she couldn't turn the voice of her conscience off, the faster she walked the louder the voice became until she finally reached the precinct, ah, the precinct. Your home from everyday reality Beckett. You escape in your work or men you have no interest in, Rick, and Doctor Burke were correct, you had to substitute something for your real feelings, and work was the easiest way to lose yourself into matters that would make you forget.
She climbed the stairs rather than take the elevator, one for her personal space, two because she had been lax on her morning runs, and it didn't take long before a size six became a size sixteen, without you ever realizing the changes happening.
She walked towards her desk and saw a lady standing near Rick's chair. When she got closer, she could make out it was Jordan Shaw, what the hell was she doing here and why was she hoovering around Rick, well his chair her thoughts were racing when she heard,
"Good morning, Kate, I thought we should talk, is there someplace private we can go to?" Jordan asked, not smiling as she had yesterday when she appeared with Rick.
"Sure, let me get my stuff put away, you can go to the main conference room, number one, and I'll join you as soon as I lock up my weapon, and get a refresh for my coffee." She replied,
She wondered, but then again knew just about what Jordan was going to tell her, the news she didn't want to hear. She made her way into the room, shut the door, and turned and faced a fired-up FBI Agent.
"Kate when I left here after the Dunn case, I thought we were on the same page, I know you understand what I'm talking about. You knew as far back as then how much Rick cared for you; hell loved you if you want complete honesty. Do you recall us talking at all?" She asked Kate,
"Of course, I do, and I told you it was complicated between Castle and me, and it still is, even more now than ever" Kate replied, caught off guard by the question,
"If you're talking about carrying another man's child, visiting the OB/GYN office together, having a picture of the ultrasound image of your fetus taken, and still acting as if nothing had changed, still engaging in flirtations that led Rick to believe he was chasing a prize that was obtainable, if that is your definition of difficult, yes, it's a script for an afternoon TV rag show." Jordan blasted her,
"Jordan, it wasn't like that, I know that's what happened but it wasn't supposed to be that way. I hooked up with Josh, for a fling, that's true. He was cute, I was, well I hadn't been desired in a long time physically, so I thought we at least share the hobby of Harley's so we got together. I was honest with Rick when that happened." She said defending the first part of her actions,
"I call Bull Shit, Beckett, if you were so honest with Rick about it, why was it that your CO and team met him the same day, the day you texted him to meet you around the corner, but he came to the precinct anyway." Jordan nailed her, Lie #1
"Well, Jordan, it's not what it looks like, I wasn't hiding anything, my private life is private, it's none of Castle's concern." Kate bit back,
"You're entirely correct until you start making moves to spite him because of the attention shared with and by a lovely female insurance investigator, or some setup Paula or Gina had for publicity shots. Hell Kate, you lived in that household, if he were a playboy that the papers think, wouldn't you, a trained detective have spotted it a minute?
"So that's bullshit, you had your fling with the doctor, it was supposed to be like all the rest, including your random one-night stands, but we'll leave those out. If you didn't or don't want him, just tell the poor sap, he's been trying to figure out the key to your heart, and just when he's ready to walk away, you reel him back. Kate, that's like a serial killer choking his victim, until they blackout, then when they regain consciousness, he does it again and again until he's had his fun." Jordan blasted her, as Kate's face turned a sickly pale, the analogy of the choking had hit home.
"Every time he's ready to move on, to let you live your life, and he get over you, you pull him back. WHY? What has he ever done but help you? Why would you want to be so cruel to a man who loves almost everyone he meets?
"Why would you be so cruel to allow him to think he still had a chance with you when you were carrying Josh's baby, and unless fate hadn't intervened with the sniper would be his baby momma now? You've hurt him more than anyone I ever saw or knew, and I knew about Kyra, the one that got away. That was a bug bite compared to the damage you've done." Jordan continued,
"Jordan, you have to believe me, I never planned for this to happen this way. Josh just showed up to tell me he was getting married, and that he wanted me to know he wasn't trying to hurt me anymore. The date he got engaged was our baby's due date, so he wanted to be sure I was OK, but Rick was there for dinner, by my request." Kate got out,
"I know Kate, I heard the entire story, as he was consuming two bottles of single malt liquor. He was very distraught until he finally got it all out before he crashed for the rest of the morning. After the next morning when we spoke, he just seemed very determined. He said that he had been rejected, neglected, lied to, and cheated on, but nothing ever felt the way it did hearing those words come out of Josh's mouth, and he never would allow himself to feel that way again." Jordan said as tears fell from Kate's eyes.
"The wedding is in two days Kate, Rick asked me to join him so we will attend together, I didn't trust you to even attempt to ask forgiveness, and I'm sure Rick won't attend if he doesn't have someone to lean on. That would hurt Kevin and Jenny, he would regret that, so plan on bringing a plus one if you care to, and Kate, don't try to use the wedding to talk to him.
"There's plenty of time after the young couple leave for their honeymoon, I'm not leaving his side," Jordan said letting Kate know that any hopes of patching things up with Rick before the wedding were gone for now, if not forever. She didn't say goodbye, she didn't need to, she walked out of the room, confirming to Kate what she knew all along, Castle was gone.
Kate walked out of the conference room, almost in a state of shock, Ryan's voice screaming at someone on the phone jerked her back to reality.
"I don't give a damn what he told you, the tuxedos are to remain the same as I ordered them. He's my future brother-in-law, or he would have already been dead by now. NO! I'll be coming right now, get Mr. Hooper into the shop to meet with me." Kevin slammed the phone,
"Kate, I have an emergency, that little asshole has tried to change the color of our tuxedos, I have to go down to ensure,"
"Ryan, take the next two days off, weddings are stressful enough, you'll be dead before you make it down to the altar if you don't calm down" Gates's voice boomed, in a surprising show of humanity.
"Beckett, you hook up with Anne and Roz, I understand you all were out on a non-homicide call last evening, do you want to enlighten me?" She asked peering over her glasses,
"Of course, sir, but may we do it in our office, some of the details are problematic," Kate replied, remembering the grace Doctor Burke had given the late Mr. Alby, respect even in death he had said.
Gates turned and motioned to her office, as Kate followed.
She relayed the details that they had discovered on the scene, verified by Perlmutter with the GSR test (gunshot residue) on the victim, and the separate eyewitness accounts of the neighbor and the girlfriend as Gates shook her head. The girlfriend had been having an affair with her boyfriend's brother for almost 9 months and wound up pregnant.
The timing was such that her boyfriend knew that they had not been intimate, it had been a rough spot for them, so she had no choice but to confess. They argued in the apartment briefly before the victim left calling his brother as he walked out.
He stood in the parking lot for a few minutes talking on the phone, then threw the phone against the building wall, took out the Glock, and proceeded to shoot himself once in the head. The accounts matched from the girlfriend to the neighbor, and Kate added. The man he was on the phone with just before he shot himself was his therapist." Kate added,
"How do you know Detective, I thought you said the phone records hadn't reached us yet," Gates implored,
"I know because, on my way home from such a tragedy, I called my therapist, thinking I would reach his answering service. I was shocked to hear his voice answer the phone, then he asked me why I was calling. I explained, well started to, and he stopped me and told me that Mr. Alby was on the phone with him when he decided to end it. He couldn't share more due to privacy laws, but I did see him early this morning Sir." Kate confessed,
"Well, I commend you, detective, the ones who say I'm fine are the ones who are not. Please continue to seek the help you need, and detective, give things a chance they always seem to work out." She smiled, a rare occasion for Gate, as Kate left her office,
Kate thought, if she only knew, what a mess she had made of not only her life, but Josh's, Rick's her Dad's, and even her friends, the few that were standing by her after her Great Escape adventure and radio silence. She had remarked to Lanie just a week earlier, how lucky she had been to have Rick back in her life, how little did she know how short-lived that would be.
TBC