Johan was frozen in place. A bead of sweat worked it's way down his face as he looked at Judai, the look of dismay on his face as he couldn't comprehend what the Japanese boy just said. 'How could he know that…? What could he have been dreaming of… what could he have seen in his sleep..? Is it possible he heard that from somewhere..?!?'
"Jo-kun?" The brunettes soft voice broke through the males swirling thoughts causing a sharp inhale from him. Johan wasn't the best at lying but since it wasn't up to Johan to tell Judai everything he had to do his best and lead Judai off the trail. A smirk grazed his lips.
"Huh? 'Supreme Alpha'? Where did you hear such a thing?" He faked his curiosity looking at Judai with a playful look in his eyes. He closed the door to his closet as he walked to the brunette holding the red plaid shirt.
'If I can at least dismiss the whole thing, I can follow it up with Jim and Hassleberry… We need to figure out Judai's progression with the werewolf stages..if there are any…' His thoughts added on which made his eyes drop away from the brunette his mood taking a dip as his blue bangs hid the now clear sadness in his eyes from the brunette.
"It was something in my dream… It felt realistic for some reason… I even felt pain in my chest…" Judai was unaware of Johan's expression as he tried to explain where he heard the Supreme Alpha phrase from. The brunette clenched his hand to his chest as if the wound on his chest was still there or would be there. He shook out his soaked hair trying to clear his thoughts as his eyes finally looked upon the sadden Johan.
"Jo-kun? Why you look so sad…?" The brunette reached his hand out to him and grasps his wrist and hand in his smaller one snapping the now tearful green eyes to meet chocolate brown. Johan was biting his lip trying to hold back tears in his eyes. He felt overwhelmed once again, the feeling of dread in his heart and in his thoughts of what could come true. Judai not being able to accept him, or rather Judai not being just like him.
He didn't know which hurt his heart more. Johan wanted Judai to remember things that happened when they were kids. Things that they did together. But Johan knew it wasn't possible, that one of the Elders had erased Judai's memories of the two of them in the woods, in hopes of the boy never figuring out that he was the Supreme Alpha.
Judai never shown signs of being a werewolf after the accident. It's why Hassleberry Jim and Johan were charged with watching the boy grow up. It was only a handful of times they were together, but those times had Johan tearing up as if he felt a loss. Why did he feel that way? Judai was right in front of him, albeit he doesn't remember who Johan was but rather knows him as he currently is.
It still hurt the boy's heart. Judai tugged on Johan's hand gently trying to gain the attention of the dazed bluenette as the tears fell from his eyes. "Jo-kun… don't be upset, I'm alright." This made his emerald eyes blink as he shifted his gaze to look at Judai in front of him. His cheeks burned as he noticed that Judai held Johan's hand to his face, his own hand now cupping the brunette's face.
This caused a smile to break out across the taller boys face as he stokes Judai's cold wet face with his thumb. "Yea, your right. I..I was scared you were hurt, ya know..?" Johan tried to brush off his embarrassment and slow his heart beat down by playing it cool. The tears in his eyes dried up as he let a stupid grin fill his face. Judai took his answer with eagerness as he smiled in return before releasing his hand.
Judai turned around to face the nightstand as he pulled his jacket off and his black turtle neck off. Johan's eyes widen drastically as he saw the marks that littered Judai's body. They were well hidden under his clothing. Bruises old and new, welps and old scar marks covered 30% of the males back.
"Judai..!" His breath once again caught in his throat as his eyes darted from one blemish mark to another on the brunette's back who's shoulders slumped. "It's okay…" Judai's voice dropped low almost deadpanned. This made Johan lift his eyes to try and see Judai's face but the male still faced the nightstand, his hand reaching out behind him to take the plaid shirt from Johan.
"When….How…?" Johan's voice trembled in suppressed rage. 'This is horrible… it's like he was beatened and whipped..' those were the words that crossed his mind as he looked all over the boys back, handing him the shirt finally, but unwillingly. Judai pulled the plaid top against his chest a faint smile touched his face but he continued not to look at Johan.
"Bruce hid his abuse well, didn't he…?" Johan's eyes could've been plates at this point as he looked at the brunette with shock and unkept horror he nearly broke his teeth he was gritting them so hard.
He hand covered his mouth looking at the brunette. 'Bruce did this… and got away with it…?? Why? Why, Judai…? Why didn't you protect yourself??' Johan couldn't understand why Judai didn't tell his parents or even shown the proof to the teachers.
"It's cause… Bruce's dad was a board member… He swept it under the rug when it first started… He continued to make it look like Bruce was a model student outside of him bullying others. And since nobody cared about us anyway… We were the perfect scapegoats to be kept hidden…." Judai still refused to look up as he pulled the plaid shirt over his head. He pulled the shirt tail down hard as if embarrassed by his marks on his body.
"You survived everything… because you were meant to be here. Even In this moment." Johan mumbled out dropping his hand from his face a smile now framing his face, making the brunette look at him with a wild expression, as if Johan had lost his mind.
"You were meant to survive Judai. Cause there's more to your life than your scars, your burdens, your fears." Johan spoke softly pulling out an MP3 from his pocket shuffling to a song and let it play as the Brunette still stared at him with his wild confusion.
The song Scars by I am They begun to play on Johan's mp3, a slow piano introduction before the actual song began. Judai's eyes widened more as he watched the male before him sit on his bed and began to sing the words along with the vocalist.
"Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes.
Darkest water and deepest pain.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Cause my brokenness brought me to you,
And these wounds are a story you'll use"
Judai stared at the bluenette as he reached out to Judai who took his hand and let the bluenette pull him down onto the bed next to him. His eyes looked in wonder at the bluenette but then felt one of Johan's hands travel to his shirt tail and tug the shirt up slightly so he could touch the skin of his back, making Judai gasp in surprise. The bluenette just continued to sing even with the surprised male next to him.
"So I'm thankful for the scars.
Cause without them I wouldn't know your heart.
And I know they'll always tell of who you are.
So forever I am thankful for the scars."
Judai's eyes widen more as his eyes watered faintly with disbelief. No rather, his fear of believing. As much as he hoped that his feelings could be returned, he was fearful because nobody could accept someone so broken as him with as much trauma he's had to carry.
He used his own body to protect his best friends over the years, it's why Chazz and Syrus never were injured, that was Judai's want and desire. He took the beatings from his friends even the day when Johan Jim and Hassleberry stepped in.
He wanted to protect Syrus and Chazz more than anything and would've risked being hospitalized to do so. He's only ever ended up there once due to injures he sustained from the abuse. And he passed that off by having fallen down the stairs at school.
He couldn't hate Bruce, but he wouldn't let the bully he loved and had feelings for, take his rage out on Syrus and Chazz, and both boys felt horrible for how much Judai had been protecting them over the years. With very rarely getting hurt, the last fight with Bruce being the worst one for Chazz and Syrus, Judai still took the blows.
Johan looked into the now wet eyes of Judai's cupping his cheek and wiping away the stray tears that were trying to break freak from him. His breathing got ragged from the suppressed sobs he was afraid to let out. Judai looked at Johan who had a small but sadden smile on his face, obviously reading the pain and disbelief on Judai's face that he can't hide.
"You may not believe me now…" Johan continued to stroke the brunette's face gently catching more tears as they escaped, the song continued to play in the background as the two looked at each other.
"Now I'm standing in confidence.
With the strength of your faithfulness
And Im not who I was before
No, I don't have to fear anymore."
"But, I accept all of you, Judai.. Your trauma, your scars, your fears… Give them all to me and I promise to heal your heart." Johan's other hand rests gently on Judai's chest as more tears fell from the brunette's eyes.
'Kami… don't take this away from me… Don't take this man away from me..' Judai thought as the floodgates opened as he sobbed openly once more to the Norwegian male, Judai reaching his own hand to cover the one resting against his chest as he sobbed.
The song continued to play as Johan moved his hand from Judai's tear filled cheeks to run his hand through the brunette's damp locks a smile now playing on his lips even wider than before.
"So I'm thankful for the scars
Cause without them I wouldn't know your heart.
And I know they'll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for the scars."
The two sat there as Judai poured his traumatic heart out to Johan, this time not holding anything back as he did before out of fear of showing Johan his true pain. Johan continued to stroke the brunette's hair as eventually the boy laid his head down in Johan's lap, their hands enterlaced as Johan stroked his hair with the free one.
His sobs still wracked his body and tears eventually made their way to Johan's jeans but he didn't mind one bit as he continued to give unconditional support and comfort to the boy who held his heart and held Judai's in return. No confessions were even needed as their company and devotion showed the other how much they cared.
It may bordered the line of friendship and lovers, but that's all the two needed and nothing more for now. The song neared it's end Johan spoke up once again his voice taking over the vocalists as Judai looked up at the bluenette as he sang.
"I'm thankful for your scars
Cause without them I wouldn't know your heart.
And with my life I'll tell of who you are.
So forever I am thankful."
Judai nuzzled his cheek into Johan's wrist as the boy's now broken and tear filled voice spoke up to sing the last bit of the song with Johan.
"I'm thankful for your scars
Cause without them I wouldn't know your heart
And I know they'll always tell of who you are
So forever I am thankful for your scars.
So forever I am thankful for the scars."
Before the last couple lines could leave Judai's mouth, the male fell asleep in content in the Norwegian boy's lap dried up tears on his face and Johan's hand loosen somewhat between his own hand and fingers.
Johan leaned down and brushed his lips against the brunette's temple squeezing his hand gently as his thoughts played out again. 'I just might take the risk with you, Judai… Your worth everything..' A thoughtful smile played on his lips as he watched the male sleep in his lap.