Oh yeah, decided to continue this because it's fun. But before that, a short rant:

Eight minutes. That's about as much of the live-action Loud House Christmas Special I could tolerate before shutting it off. The dialogue is bad, the slapstick isn't done well, the cast is...trying I guess, but only Luna, Lucy, and the parents translate well into live-action. When Mr. Coconuts is the only one that looks good in live-action, that can't be a good sign.

This better not be a sign of more of this bollocks. But odds are it is as live-action is WAY cheaper than animation.

Enough with the rant, onto the show. Reader's discretion advised.

Family Matters

"Thank you again for choosing I.M.P. Mrs. Mayberry! Try not to get purged out there!" Lincoln smiled as he shut the door in his new blue pinstripe suit.

Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie had earlier returned from a mission to kill the mistress of their client's husband. Said mistress turned out to be some sort of cannibal with her family. None of that really mattered now that she was dead.

What mattered now was that the company had time to celebrate a successful mission (and actually getting paid) with cake and minor festivities, though Moxxie was sulking with Millie trying to cheer him up.

Loona was relaxing on her phone.

Blitzo patted his stomach filled with cake, "Aw, fuck. I love it when a mission goes well!"

Lincoln smirked, "Well? You all nearly got shot to pieces thanks to dickless here." he patted Moxxie on the head.

Moxxie sunk to the floor more.

"Yeah, we talked about that. He isn't getting his paycheck for this one." Blitzo remarked.

Lincoln shook his head, "He'll be lucky to still have a job here after this one."

"Ha! Good one, boss!"

Millie walked up to Lincoln, "Hey now! Maybe if you came with us on this job, things would've gone a lot smoother!" she criticized.

Lincoln shrugged, "True, but the bitch seemed like such a simple enough target that I figured you three could've handled it yourselves. Besides, I just didn't feel like going back to Earth again..."

"Wait, again?" she asked.

Lincoln went to start cleaning up the office, ignoring Millie's question.

"What did ya mean by 'again'?" she pursued, helping Lincoln clean up a bit.

"Didn't Blitzo tell you already?" Lincoln asked.

"No?"

"Oh, thought he blabbed about that already."

"What? Hey, I told you I wouldn't blab about your embarrassing reaction to your embarrassing family because you were embarrassed over it." Blitzo remarked.

"Huh?" Loona's ears perked and looked up from her phone.

"Yeah, and I didn't believe you." Lincoln told him. He went back to cleaning.

"...um, do ya want to talk about it, boss?" Millie asked, "If ya don't wanna, that's alright, I just-"

"It hurt to see them all. My mom, my dad, and my sisters all grieving."

"Oh..." Millie looked down at the floor.

"I think my mom broke, she barely moved. My dad was crying his eyes out still, so were all my sisters. And all I could do was..."

"Yeah, they don't need to hear about how you started bawling, boss. Oops!" Blitzo covered his cheeky grin.

Loona shot him an annoyed glare.

Lincoln groaned, "What else could I do? Go up to my grieving family in human form and be all 'JK NOT DEAD, LOL'? That would've broken them more!"

Blitzo shrugged, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Blitzo, stop." Moxxie told him.

"Oh like you care, Mox, you're you're reason they're all grieving to begin with."

"I KNOW THAT! I just...I just don't want any more damage."

Lincoln patted Moxxie's head again, "There won't be, I'm not going back there. I'm dead and buried and it's best they all move on and forget about-"

"Lincoln?"

Everyone looked over to see some sort of portal in the air. Inside was Lucy looking in. "Lincoln? Are you there?"

"Wow, is that a...human looking in?" Moxxie asked.

"Get out of here, human! This is company property!" Blitzo yelled.

"Blitzo, shush!" Lincoln ordered, "Lucy, can you hear me?"

Through the portal, Lucy opened her mouth, "Gasp! Lincoln! I finally contacted you! Lynn, I-"

"Lucy, no! Don't you drag me into that again! Lincoln is dead! You hear me? DEAD. He isn't coming back, he's not just flying around with us now! He is DEAD." Lynn yelled from out of sight.

Lucy was quiet for a moment, "But..."

"I'm sorry Luce. I know this is just what you do but...dang it, I just don't want to think about it!"
The sound of a door slamming was heard.

"...ooh boy, that didn't sound good." Millie remarked.

"...Lucy, maybe you should just keep to yourself about contacting me. I don't think anyone else will be happy to hear that I'm in Hell."

"Gasp! What! You're in Hell? Why? How? What even happened to you?"

"Well..."

One Infodump Later...

"...and then you started talking to us through that portal." Lincoln concluded.

Lucy had two small waterfalls falling from her covered eyes, "Sob. That sounds horrible. What kind of Heaven denies you for such arbitrary things?"

"Hey! Hey, it ain't all bad!" Blitzo interjected, grinning and having an arm around Lincoln, "He's doing great down here! He's doing so well as our boss!"

Lincoln shoved Blitzo's arm off, "Yeah...about as great as I could be doing I guess. Running some business where we murder people for other demons or sinners."

"...you were serious about that?" Lucy asked.

Lincoln shrugged, "Why not? I'm already condemned to Hell as some sort of...big rabbit demon thing."

"...you really are some rabbit? That wasn't just a trick in my crystal ball?"

"Oh...yeah, so you really can see us?"

"Why do you look like that?"

Lincoln paused a moment and took a look at himself, "I uh...never questioned it. I don't know."

Moxxie coughed, "Perhaps I could-"

"Shut the fuck up, Moxxie." Lincoln told him, "I'm talking to my sister."

"Boss, please give him a chance to speak, he really does want to make up for this whole mess!" Millie told him.

"That THING is the reason you're dead?" Lucy asked, the waterfalls were gone, some sort of light started to glow behind her hair, "I will exorcise it-"

Lincoln put a hand up, "Lucy, don't, he's still an employee. I rather keep him around so I can blast him for stress relief."

"Uh, thanks I guess, boss." Moxxie told him.

"Right...what were you going to say, Mox?" Lincoln asked.

"Well...and this is just a theory, I've had been thinking about it upon seeing the many shapes and forms our clients tend to have, each one being quite different from each-"

"BORING! Get to the fucking point, Mox!" Blitzo yelled.

"Okay! Well, I think he looks like that because it represents his core sins?" Moxxie concluded.

The room was quiet for a moment.

"Wow, that sounds fucking stupid Moxxie." Loona told him.

"Yeah, like, what the here is a core sin?" Lincoln asked.

"Well it-" Moxxie started, sounding like an old college professor who had a huge ego and worked at a college for too fucking long.

"Keep it short. I don't know how long I have to talk to my sister." Lincoln told him.

"BASICALLY, the reason you're here. What you have. What makes you...you."

"And mine are?"

Moxxie tapped his cheek, "Well...if I had to guess...Wrath, Lust, and a hint of Pride."

Lucy tapped her chin, "I get Wrath and Pride, but Lincoln is a virgin."

Blitzo started giggling. Loona and Millie smacked the back of his head.

Moxxie sighed, "Lust isn't always about sex, it's more about obsessing over something you don't have."

Lucy nodded, "Oh, yeah, Lincoln definitely had that."

Lincoln groaned, "Thanks Lucy, and thanks Moxxie, you were slightly useful. I look like a huge killer rabbit because I guess Hell has some weird sense of irony."

"My guess was it is because your parents fuck like rabbits." Blitzo remarked, "They had, what, eleven kids including you?"

"Golly, ten siblings sounds hectic! No wonder you managed to survive Hell so well!" Millie complimented.

"Sounds annoying." Loona remarked.

Lincoln sighed, "I still would rather be back there...but it doesn't look like I'll be able to. Not without well, we saw what happened with Lynn."

"Yes...it was nice to hear from you Lincoln. And hear you're doing okay at least." Lucy remarked.

The room was quiet again.

"So uh...do you want to pop in again sometime?" Lincoln asked, "It'd be good to hear from you."

"Whoa, wait, is this gonna be an everyday thing?" Blitzo asked.

"Who's the boss here, Blitzo?" Lincoln asked in return.

"Look, I get she's your sister, and you're all sad about not being alive and all that shit, but we have a business to run Lincoln! A lot of our clients want confidentiality!"

"Since when do you care about our client's privacy?" Loona asked.

"I meant DURING our transactions!"

Lincoln pointed at the upset imp, "I will handle it Blitzo. Lucy, can you try talking to me uh...when I'm alone? Like...at my apartment?"

"You have an apartment already Boss?" Millie asked.

"No, he's been bumming it on Blitzo's couch." Loona told her.

"I will get an apartment! I kind of just GOT here, it's taking some time!" Lincoln told them.

"Ha. Well, I will try to peek to see if you're alone. Then talk. Will that work?" Lucy asked.

"Yes, that works, thanks Lucy."

"Thanks Lincoln. Take care. Goodbye for now." Lucy's portal vanished.

The company was at a loss for words yet again.

"Well, she seemed nice." Moxxie finally said.

Lincoln took out his gun and pointed it at Moxxie "Shut up, Mox."

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that thing with ripping the plot and dialogue DIRECTLY from the show like everyone else does. That's lazy writing.