They all turned at the banging on the table. Wedge was standing up, pointing at Tycho, and yelling what sounded like a smashball cheer. Leia wasn't very familiar with crowd cheers from sporting events but the cadence sounded like one. She could imagine an arena of fans chanting it.

"Do you think that means Wedge won or lost?" Leia watched with interest, curious to see what happened next.

"What are they doing?" Luke asked. "When I left them they were talking about hyperdrive boosters."

She sipped her tea and shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose that could lead to some type of contest."

It took some time but Leia finally understood there was little point trying to ascertain the actions and interactions of a group of pilots. When she was younger, she might have suggested it was a male thing but gender, however one chose to define it, seemed to have little bearing. It was also increasingly difficult to deny that her competitive nature could be equally intense.

"It's a Kor Vella fight song." Han wasn't as interested in what was happening on the other side of the room. He twirled his glass of whisky and didn't bother hiding his near scowl. "Supposed to intimidate the other team."

Leia almost smiled as she nodded. She'd been right about the crowd chant.

Han watched Leia instead of Wedge and the other pilots. She was sitting up straight in her chair, holding her mug of tea with both hands in her lap. He didn't get how she could be so damn relaxed. She took everything seriously except her own safety.

"Well, I'm not going to intervene unless an actual fight breaks out."

"That's some solid leadership skills, kid."

Luke smiled at Han. "I prefer a more hands-off approach."

The Rebels had put together as close to a winter solstice feast as they could manage. They brought in fresh food and decorated the mess hall with hanging moon and suns. It was a bit cheesy but they needed a party and some version of the solstice was celebrated in most systems. Different traditions but the same basic idea. It was dark and now moving to light. The Rebels were quick to take hold of that one.

There was some irony in the fact that they had seen neither sun nor moon in months. The fog refused to lift and between that and the occasional torrential rain, they were trapped underground. They got out for missions and runs but things were getting a bit stir crazy for most of them. Same faces, same walls, same bland food.

"Plus, we actually have some things to celebrate." Luke nudged Leia with his elbow. She responded with a small smile. "Small victories are still victories."

The other ironic thing about these Rebels was that the doom-and-gloom of this base was contrasted by the fact that they'd led some successful campaigns of late. Things weren't exactly leaning in their favour but they were looking up.

They destroyed an Imperial deep-space waypoint in the Herrio system. Cracked an Imperial code and deciphered a number of communiques. Leia made contact with a new double agent, someone she knew from her days in the Senate, who had access to high level information. Everyone in Command was happy about that one, in particular. Leia was almost proud. Han was extremely pissed off.

"Was the victory part that Chewie and I had to save your ass? Again."

She thought he would follow the statement with a slug of his whisky but he went with the hard stare instead.

"I appreciate your assistance but anyone on base could have answered my call." She refused to rise to his bait. "But then how could you act so smug if someone else did the job?"

It was a solo mission and maybe more than a coincidence that Leia left when both Luke and Han were off-planet. Everything went as planned and on time but she ran into problems landing on Osler. She dropped out of hyperspace and realized the sensors and landing gear were acting up. They looked fine according to the monitors but the systems check indicated they weren't responding to each other properly. She radioed down to base for assistance and the Falcon responded.

There was the angry Han who yelled and cursed. Relied on sarcasm and not-so-thinly veiled insults to get his message across. Then there was the angry Han who tethered his ship to Leia's. She entered the Falcon through the airlock and was met with silence. His eyes were dark. His jaw clenched. She tried to thank him for coming but he sealed the hatch then spun back around with finger pointed.

"This is what happens when you go off without me or Luke."

She followed him back to the cockpit feeling a lot less happy to see him.

"How would you or Luke have helped in this situation?" She strapped herself into her seat as Han and Chewie got the freighter moving again. "Beyond what you are already doing."

"You wouldn't have been in this mess." He wasn't yelling. He was keeping his voice somewhat steady but it was almost a struggle to get the words out.

"Ships break down, Captain. I assumed that was something you were quite familiar with."

"That ship was working perfectly before you left. Wedge checked it."

"How do I know what happened?" She was losing her cool and he wasn't, which, of course, only made her lose her cool even more. "I wasn't in any danger. I realized there was an issue and I called for assistance. End of story."

He looked over his shoulder at her. She was being stubborn and dismissive. Two things he almost never responded well to.

"This is why you shouldn't be flying on your own. You don't know how to problem solve. You don't know what to look for."

"I caught this problem, didn't I?" She crossed her arms over her chest. It was ridiculous how often, when talking to him, she felt the need to control her hands.

She decided in that moment she would never reveal that she discovered the issue by doing the system check Han and Chewie performed every time they left hyperspace. They needed it because the Falcon had so many modifications and breakdowns that they put a number of preventative measures in place. He didn't show her what to do but she had sat behind him in the cockpit enough times to commit it memory. When she was above Osler and preparing for her descent, she didn't consider whether she should or shouldn't do the check. It was a natural action despite it being her first time.

"Someone messed with your ship."

"You don't know that."

"I know Wedge said it was fine and then it wasn't. That shit doesn't break on its own." He gave her another quick over-the-shoulder glance. She was glaring at him. Fuming. "If you didn't rush off on your own there would've been someone to watch out. Someone who could've landed her no matter what."

She sat quietly for a few minutes, staring out the viewport even though there was nothing to see. The darkness of space had turned into the thick grey soup of the Osler sky. Han and Chewie worked in silence and perfectly in sync.

"Are you even going to ask how the mission went?" Did she sound like she was sulking? She sat up straight in the chair. Tried to regain her composure. "It was a great success. We have a new contact, deeply embedded in the Imperial Ministry, and an encrypted communications channel established. This will prove enormously helpful to the war effort."

"Great." He was speaking through clenched teeth. "One point for the Rebellion. Zero points for the Princess."

Almost a week later, Leia had moved on. Base leadership and High Command were pleased and mechanics couldn't confirm the ship had been tampered with. She decided to enjoy this moment because it wasn't likely to last. Han decided to brood and hold a glass of whisky rather than drink from it.

Chewbacca, carrying a plate loaded high with food, sat down beside Han.

[Food's almost gone. Go now if you want more.]

Han eyed Chewie's plate. "Yeah, I wonder why."

[I was polite and waited. They're all too drunk to eat now anyway. Too busy fighting and flirting.]

Luke eyed the Rogues. "Janson looks like he's going to start a dance floor soon."

Janson was standing now, waving his arms wildly. He jumped on one of the chairs and Luke yelled across the room telling him to get down.

"When did I become the parent?"

"When they gave you those bars." Han pointed at the insignia on Luke's jacket.

[He tries too hard. The lieutenant isn't interested.]

"Who?" Luke's Shyriiwook was improving but he still stumbled over many words.

"The lieutenant." Han finally took a drink, draining the glass.

"Yeah. Cyn isn't interested." Luke leaned back in his chair. "Is that part of being a parent or boss? Do I have to tell Janson to back off?"

"If you think it's a problem you should speak with him." Leia watched the party. She was glad they were enjoying themselves and glad she was sitting at a distance.

"Cyn can take care of herself."

"Oh, so you don't think all women need your protection." She sipped her tea and eyed Han. "Good to know."

"I don't think anyone needs protecting." He emphasized protecting, sounding almost sarcastic. He knew he should let this go but her refusal to see the obvious pissed him off. "I'm saying Cyn knows what she's doing."

"Should I assume you are implying I don't?"

"Didn't mention you at all, Sweetheart."

"That's what implying means."

"Great. A Princess language lesson. Just my luck."

"Guys!" Luke had to raise his voice to grab their attention. "We could use a bit of a break here."

"What's your problem?" Han furrowed his brow, scowled at Luke.

"You." When he heard Leia snicker, he turned to her. "And you."

"Me?" She tried for a look of innocence and wondered when someone last fell for it.

"The two of you have been at each other for a week now. More than usual." They both rolled their eyes at him and Luke would have laughed if he wasn't trying to make a point. "At least go to your respective corners for a bit to cool down."

[Skywalker's right. You're getting on everyone's nerves.]

"Hold on!" Leia kept both hands on her mug. She reminded herself not to lean forward to make her point. There were times when she was surprised by her level of untapped energy. "Should I not defend myself when he accuses me of negligence? Or incompetence?"

"I never said either those things!" He leaned forward, resting elbows on the table. If she was staying composed, he could stay composed. He wasn't going to be the one to fly off the handle. "Said you shouldn't have gone off alone and you need to stop ignoring the fact that someone messed with your ship."

"It was my contact and we needed discretion." She pushed her chin forward. Straightened her back. "You arriving in your usual fashion would be far from subtle."

He noticed she didn't bring up the mechanic's report. She knew there was merit to his claim. She knew no one would have let her take a ship that wasn't in top condition.

When he got back from his run and discovered she was off on her own he almost lost it. He did lose it. He yelled at Luke for he didn't know how long before the kid finally got a word in. He wasn't happy with the situation either. No one else on base had a chance to volunteer when they heard she was in trouble. The Falcon was out of the hanger as soon as she gave her coordinates.

He wanted to hug her when she walked through the hatch. He had to fight the urge to kiss the top of her head and give her a warm blanket or some shit. He felt ridiculous. Didn't trust his own responses. They'd hugged before. The trash compactor. After the Death Star. But those were big events and this was her just walking on to his ship. It made him fidgety and he didn't like it.

He knew his reactions were out of proportion to this incident but then he'd remember it was the second time he wasn't there and someone tried to take her out. She was too stubborn to admit that she couldn't do it all on her own. Or see that she needed someone watching her back. Chewie saved her that first time. This one was luck that she figured out the problem with the gear and she was close enough for a quick rescue.

If she'd tried to land in that canyon. He couldn't process that thought. It was a surge of anger and maybe something that felt like fear but he pushed that one aside. He knew anger. He understood anger. He let it brew because he didn't want to consider whatever lay beneath.

"You're both proving my point." Luke nodded toward Chewie. "Our point. Agree to disagree on this and move on. I'm sure you have many bigger and better fights in your future. Let's move forward."

Han and Leia looked at each other, both with raised eyebrows. When did Luke start with the sarcasm? They almost smiled before remembering they weren't on the same side.

Luke sat up straighter, like he was ready to make a big announcement. "Actually, I think I might head out. If that's okay."

"Of course." Leia nodded. "I'm here now. General Rieekan will return shortly and stay for the remainder of the party."

"You got some place better to be?" Han gave Luke a slight leer.

"I told Tiggis I'd stop by."

"You know, if you stopped spending so much time with that old guy, you could get back to better distractions."

"It's not a distraction." Luke shook his head but didn't seem too bothered. He was used to Han's teasing. "Besides, I've seen your version of distraction and I'm good."

Han's leer switched to a sneer as Chewie chuckled again.

Han was careful to keep any of his encounters away from Rebel business and eyes but he and Luke were in a cantina on Xonna to pick up a datachip and suddenly Saba was there, drunk and yelling his name. He figured it was better to keep her from making more of a scene and let Luke handle the job. He hadn't seen her in a few years but she always fun. Turns out she was maybe a bit more fun than he remembered or expected. He returned to the Falcon a couple hours later looking a bit worse for wear and Luke liked to bring it all up whenever possible.

[Where else is he going to learn?]

"Tiggis wasn't a Jedi." Han kept his expression neutral but was glad for the change in topic. "He cooked meals for them."

[He spent time with them. He saw how they did things.]

"You spent time with the Jedi. Why don't you offer him your wisdom?"

[I spent time with a Jedi. And we were fighting for Kashyyyk. Didn't have a lot of time to chat.]

"Hang on! You've met a Jedi? Why didn't you tell me?" Luke was sitting up straight again.

[Not much to say. We lost the battle. Got him off-planet safely but the Empire probably got him in the end.] Han did some quick translating as Chewie shook his head, chuckled. [Strange little guy.]

Luke looked both excited and disappointed. He wanted to learn more, wanted to improve, but every bit of new information came with the reminder that the Jedi were wiped out. His father, the religion, the knowledge, gone.

"Tiggis tells me what he remembers. Every bit helps."

Tiggis arrived on Osler a month or so back. He looked ancient but it was hard to tell with Chessapians. His skin was a deep, weatherworn red and his amber eyes were sunken, hardened, but maybe he'd just seen a lot in his lifetime. If he was working at the temple on Coruscant when the purge hit, that was more than enough to harden anyone.

As soon as Luke heard Tiggis' history, he was sitting on crates in the kitchen and asking questions. Trying to soak up every last detail. Tiggis didn't know them personally but remembered Anakin and Kenobi. It was one of Luke's first glimpses of his father as a real person. Maybe there was a way to learn more about the man, his life as a Jedi. Han told Luke his enthusiasm would bite him in the ass eventually but the kid wouldn't listen.

Luke almost jumped as Wedge slapped him on the back.

"Skywalker!" Wedge sounded closer to drunk than not. "Your squad needs you."

There was a lot of activity across the room as chairs were set up for Osler-bowl, a recently invented game that combined skittles, smashball and something Hobbie called Corno. It seemed unnecessarily complicated to Leia but she wasn't about to play and no one was asking her so she paid little mind.

"Not tonight." Luke pushed back from the table. "Give you boys a chance to catch up to my score."

"Cocky's not a good look for you, Skywalker." Wedge narrowed his eyes at Luke before turning to the others. "What about you, Solo? Chewie?"

Han held a hand up and shook his head.

[None of you are worthy opponents.]

Wedge looked to Han for a translation.

"Says he'll play if you put money on it."

Wedge held his arms wide and smiled. "Of course. That's why you're on my team."

Chewbacca stood up and followed Wedge back to the game as Luke moved away from the table. He put a hand on Leia's shoulder, smiled, and walked out.

She watched him leave then turned back to Han. "Does he seem strange tonight?"

"Seemed like Luke." Han shrugged.

She was always looking out for Luke. Double checking he was okay. Liked to claim she could sense when something was wrong.

"I think he's struggling these days. He's cheery when you talk to him but he misses having a mentor. He's worried he'll never improve without someone to teach him."

Han did the half-shrug again. "The kid feels a lot."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You think his issue is that he has emotions?"

"You know what I mean." He shifted in his chair. She always had to go for the most complicated response. "He'd be better off if he went looking for that red-head in medical and left the Jedi cook alone."

"He definitely didn't go looking for Major Dalla."

Han raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

"Because Luke doesn't lie."

Han reached down beside his chair and pulled up his bottle of whisky. He held it out to her and after a moment's hesitation she lifted her mug. He poured some into her mug then into his own glass.

"If Luke is going celibate, this base just got a whole lot duller."

"Have you only been staying with us for the soap opera factor?"

"Got something better in mind?"

He let that one slip out. Forgot that he was supposed to still be mad at her.

She turned away from him, pretending to watch the game.

"I think you and Luke have very different ideas about that kind of distraction." She looked back at him with an almost smile. "As you like to call it."

"I've got no time for romance. I'll leave that one to the kid." He took a sip. Watched her as she sipped from her mug. "He tried to get me to bring back some perfume or some shit for that one with the blue hair."

"Why do you only remember hair colour? Surely you know their names."

He shrugged.

"Did you? Bring back perfume or some shit?"

She did a fair impersonation of his gruff voice.

"Nah, I ignored his request." He chuckled when she feigned shock. "Figured the romance wouldn't last as long as the supply run and I was right. She was gone by the time I got back."

"That doesn't mean the romance ended. Luke seemed to miss her. For a little while at least."

The noise from the other side of the room increased but neither of them, even though they sat in silence for a moment without looking at each other, paid much attention to it.

"What about you, Princess? You a romantic?"

She cocked her head to look at him. "I'm like you, Captain. No time for romance."

"Nah, that's now." He stretched his legs out so they rested beside her chair. "Bet there was something in the before times. Must have been some count or countess reciting poetry outside your palace window."

She took a long sip from her mug. He thought she was going to ignore him. That's how this usually played out. One of them, usually him, threw out a challenge that went unanswered. But she decided to change things up.

"No poetry outside windows."

"But other stuff." He wiggled his eyebrows when she looked at him.

"Idiot." But she was laughing.

"There was something, though. Someone." He watched as she carefully avoided looking at him. She didn't look nervous or on the edge of angry so he decided to push it. "More than one, I'm guessing."

She looked at him for a solid few seconds before sighing. He could practically hear her saying, Fine, to herself.

"To be clear, there was rarely time for anything outside work and royal duties but there was one. On Alderaan." She paused again. Didn't break their gaze but he saw the resigned smile crop up. "And one on Coruscant, I guess."

He kept his sabacc face on, acting like her revealing personal information was commonplace.

"I wouldn't describe either as romantic. Not in the traditional sense anyway." She turned slightly to face him, keeping her mug and both hands in her lap. "The one on Alderaan, at University, was more intense. I was young."

"And they were?"

"Not as young."

He laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Was it the one on the Big Brain?"

She clenched her jaw and he thought that signalled the start of the fight and the end of the night. But after a breath or two she spoke again.

"How did you know?"

They had never spoken about that trip and her need to escape from the Appenza Peak. Han wasn't sure if it was wise but figured he might as well continue to dig this hole.

"She touched your arm."

"Really?" Leia sat back, almost laughed. "How would touching my arm indicate anything?"

"First of all, not a lot of people touch your arm." There was a moment when he thought his next words might be, I've touched your arm. "Also, it was the way she did it. Like it was hers for the touching."

There was no change in her expression or posture. Her grip on her mug tightened but she didn't think he would notice. Then again, perhaps she shouldn't dismiss his powers of observation. He picked up on the tension and connection with Saiira pretty easily.

"But I got no guesses about Coruscant."

"Coruscant was more… now and then." She tried to hide the small smile but that proved useless when he leaned forward and rested his chin in palm.

"Was this your slutty phase, Princess?" He almost batted his eyelashes at her.

"Calm down, Flyboy."

He laughed and leaned back as she took another sip, smiled at him over the mug.

"Your turn."

Han rolled his eyes, fully intending to distract her from this line of conversation. His past was off-limits from everyone, including him most of the time. Somehow, though, he kept talking.

"One on Corellia. Intense. Both young." He watched her watching him and couldn't help laughing. "That covers it. And there wasn't much romance there, trust me. Just felt like more than what it was cos I was a kid."

"Hmmm." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Young Han Solo all moon-eyed over some girl. That's something I'd like to see."

"Dream on, sister." He took a drink and set his glass on the table. "More like two people in the same place interested in the same thing. Didn't last when we weren't."

"I don't believe you were always so calculating and cynical. There must have been something nice you've done for someone else. I won't go so far as to say sweet but something you did because you knew they would like it."

It became a battle of wills to see who would blink or speak first. Han watched the corners of her mouth, slightly upturned, and suspected he was going to lose this match.

"Does paying for the drinks count?"

She dropped her head in a dramatic fashion. Playing it up. He always got a kick out of her when she relaxed like this. She could be animated, damn funny when she wasn't so concerned with keeping things prim and proper.

"At least you're consistent."

Q'ira would've called him a sap if he tried for anything even vaguely romantic. She was suspicious of anything that wasn't blatantly self-serving. She questioned his motives if he shared extra food or some surprise windfall because she didn't believe in goodwill gestures. She stuck to a very simple rule—it was all about the exchange. Never give something for nothing. At the time, it didn't bother him much. Maybe at the beginning but he got used to it. It was who she was, how they were together.

Eventually, he wore her down enough that she'd give him a soft smile in return. She was still suspicious as hell but he considered it a win. He hadn't thought about her smile in years. How it gave him such a charge. Like he could move mountains. If he made Q'ira smile, a genuine smile, there was nothing he couldn't do.

"Look what you call romance is just a means to an end." He was still leaning forward, resting his arms on the table. "If you can get to the end without it, why bother?"

Leia considered his answer for a moment then nodded her head. "I'm going to make an assumption about what you consider the end."

"The end. The beginning. The middle. Timing isn't so important."

The game of Osler-bowl hit a crucial stage with cheers and a roar from Chewie. Since no one could understand the Wookiee, they had no idea the level of teasing insults he was throwing their way. Han considered translating a few but decided he preferred talking to the Princess. He was more interested in what she might say next.

"My father planted a botanical garden for my mother."

"Huh?"

She laughed at his confusion. "Well, he didn't actually plant it. But he planned it, mapped it out. It was his wedding present to her."

"Huh." This time it wasn't a question.

She caught his eye and smiled then quickly looked away. There was a slight, sudden pink tint to her cheeks. Han felt a quick tightening in his chest that he tried to ignore. It was an involuntary reaction to seeing her so unguarded. They were often relaxed around each other, usually when one-on-one, but the blush was new. She didn't even blush after that long ago, almost forgotten kiss. He wanted to make it happen again, the blush, and he wanted to not feel so immediately drawn to it. To her.

Maybe he didn't know what he wanted. Or what he was willing to admit.

She put her mug on the table and pulled her chair in closer. She went back to holding her mug with both hands again before speaking. Her voice was low, not a whisper, but only for him.

"It was in full bloom around the time of my birthday. All native to Alderaan. Arranged according to my mother's favourites. She had a story for each one." Leia didn't smile again but didn't look unhappy. "Our tradition was to eat a large breakfast in our private apartments, pancakes or baskets full of bread and mini-cakes, then we'd walk through the gardens."

Han kept perfectly still. Even his breathing had slowed down. He watched her shoulders rise and fall.

"When I was young, we followed a very specific routine. Took the same path through the garden. Asked for the same stories."

"Asked?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and bit the inside of one cheek. "Fine. Demanded."

She pushed back a few strands of hair and tucked them behind an ear. It wasn't a nervous or shy gesture. To Han, it looked more like a getting comfortable move. She was settling in for a story.

Two birthdays had passed, the third wasn't too far away, and she hadn't consciously pushed these memories aside. She wasn't hiding them or hiding from them. She told herself that her birthday wasn't important in this new world. Not when they were at war and others were giving their lives to the cause. She celebrated Luke's birthday and begrudgingly accepted a small, very private salute to her because it seemed to make Luke happy and left it at that.

And yet, now, she let these memories rise to the surface and was happy to have them. They were welcoming and warm and it was a completely unexpected feeling. Leia was vaguely aware of the noises coming from the other side of the room, the taunts and hollers, a crashing of chairs, but she could smell the blooms in that long-lost botanical garden as she and her parents walked their circuit.

"It was less regimented as I got older but the tradition continued." She looked at him, could see that he was listening, and neither turned away. "I was planning to be back on Alderaan for my birthday. Even before everything shifted with the Death Star plans and Artoo. Then Luke and you and Chewie. I was supposed to be with my parents, eating a big breakfast and walking through the gardens."

He didn't know what to do. Had no idea how to comfort someone. It had been a very long time since anyone needed him on that level and, even then, he was probably too young to know what he was doing. Did she even need comfort? Maybe he wasn't reading her right? She looked more lost in the moment then upset but she was also good at compartmentalizing.

His first reaction was to kiss her but he had enough sense to know that was a bad idea. In fact, it was an insane idea. It wasn't that he suddenly wanted to seduce her. He wanted her to know… something. He didn't know what exactly. He had nothing to compare her story to but he understood. Somehow. He didn't have words to explain so his mind went to the default. Act. Show. Do.

Han felt his heartrate speed up and knew he was probably going to make a mess of things soon.

She looked away briefly. The rosy tint returned to her cheeks. "You think all of this is ridiculous."

Now he was making her feel bad because he was completely unprepared to deal with genuine human emotions, Leia's or his.

She should be talking to Luke about this. Or Rieekan. She needed someone who knew how to listen properly, offer comfort. Not some idiot who's first instinct was to make out with her.

He was usually quick about moving on as soon as things got a bit deep. As soon as anything resembling sentiment or beyond easy enjoyment showed up. But he didn't move. He tried desperately to think of the right response. Something to keep her talking. Something that wouldn't start a fight. When did he become the nervous, tongue-tied guy? Why did he want to hold her hand so fucking bad?

"Those private rituals are over, I suppose." Leia leaned back in her chair and placed her hands in her lap again.

Somehow, she still didn't feel sad. Not quite. But she was venturing into new territory. Testing and deciding what was steady ground.

"Alderaan traditions will continue, of course. I'll work hard to ensure those are celebrated and remembered. Anything with my parents or aunts, though, are gone. I'm the only one left to remember them."

Their lives had been so busy. Her father was often away. Her mother had royal duties and special projects that filled her days. Leia was in school, on missions, in the Senate. If she could count the days, Leia knew there were more days apart than together. Yet, she never felt lonely then. She carried their love with her. Always knew it would be there when she went home.

"You can talk about Alderaan."

"Excuse me?" Leia blinked a few times, processing his words.

"Doesn't have to be some big speech. Not like when they need their propaganda puppet."

His voice slipped back into gruff mode but she sensed a note of genuine sincerity. She had improved in predicting when his mood might switch. She didn't like that he most often resorted to anger but she understood he was sometimes trying to get at something else.

"You don't talk about your past."

"I don't got anything worth remembering." He kept his expression neutral. His voice steady. "You do."

Leia shifted in her chair. Repositioned herself. She looked back over at the game and things had calmed down considerably. The game seemed to be breaking up. Chewie, she noticed, was collecting credits from a few beings.

"I'm not sure everyone wants to hear about Alderaan. It makes people uncomfortable."

She could see people bristle, look away or change the subject. It was odd that Han didn't. He wasn't at ease, exactly, but he seemed to trust that she would know when to stop.

"I think I need to be cautious about what I say and to whom." She turned back to Han. "I've always been under public scrutiny and, to a certain extent, it doesn't bother me. However, as my public role is facing renewed criticism, I need to proceed with caution. We don't have time for infighting."

"Then they ain't worth your time."

"The Alderaanian community is always worth my time. That's the point."

"Not if they're gonna talk shit about you."

"It's not a new accusation and not something I can summarily dismiss. These are my people and I am their leader, whether or not they all agree that should still be the case."

An Alderaanian poet posted a holovid declaring Leia unfit to be the defacto leader of the diaspora. She was engaged in armed conflict which directly contradicted Alderaan's main tenet of pacifism. She had no right to the Alderaan throne, even if in name only, when Alderaan was gone because of her actions. It was her and Bail's involvement in the Rebellion that turned the Empire's eye their way. She was on board the Death Star when it happened and they needed answers about what transpired during that time.

"You're acting like you believe that shit."

"It's complicated." She picked up her mug again. Took a sip, hoping that it looked somewhat natural. "Some of the blame does fall on me. And father. But I'm the one still here."

She felt the words catching in her throat. She had a moment's hesitation, realizing she had slid too far. She let too many memories rise and mix together. She needed to get back on track. When she looked up, she could see his anger.

"Explain something to me." He leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees. "Trying to figure out how someone who claims to think of everyone else before herself still thinks the universe revolves around her."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She put her mug down and crossed her arms over her chest.

"How's Alderaan your fault?"

As he leaned in, she leaned away.

"Alderaan was always my responsibility." She clenched her jaw. "As a leader, future Queen, Senator, and as the person who stood on the bridge and watched it disappear. They went to Alderaan, destroyed it, because I was there. "

"They were going for Alderaan no matter what. Didn't matter you were there."

"You don't know that's true."

"Neither do you but you're still trying to make it all about you."

She shifted again, straightened her shoulders. It was jarring to go from a warm moment to suddenly being under attack. He was playing dirty. This felt dirty. Personal. Mean.

"And how would you have stopped it?" He didn't know how to comfort her so he tried to set things on fire. "Say pretty please?"

"Gave them information earlier. Not been there at all." She turned in her chair to face him. Whatever he was doing, he wasn't going to scare her off. "I don't know. There had to have been something."

"The only thing you're guilty of is not knowing it would happen."

"And now I'm naïve?" She almost laughed. "That's a new one."

"Tarkin wanted to blow something up cos he could. Probably Vader, too."

She crossed her arms again. "I understand and am well aware of the abuse of power. Unfortunately, that is not an abstract concept. We know what happened in Jedha City."

"Exactly. And that was enough to make the rest of the galaxy shit its pants."

"Thank you for that visual."

"They didn't need to do anything else. The Emperor got what he wanted. Beings were already afraid. They were already going to do what he wanted."

"What is your point exactly?" Her voice rose. The rest of the room was settling down and they were ramping up.

"You think you should've been able to outsmart him. You're always the smartest one in the room. You blame yourself for Alderaan cos you think you should have known. Should have been one step ahead."

"There's always something that could have been done!"

"Not when you don't know the rules!"

She finally lost her cool and let out a frustrated groan.

"Why do you have to be so frustrating?! Make your point if you have one!"

"You, I got a point, Sweetheart."

Everything was swirling in his head. He didn't know if he was angry at her or for her. He felt a touch of panic as he tried to hold on.

"You and Bail and everyone here who signed on." He left himself out of that equation. "You knew what could happen. Maybe you get killed, go to prison. Maybe Alderaan gets occupied. You assess the risk and make the decision."

"You're still not telling me anything I don't already know."

"But that's just it. You didn't know. Couldn't know cos you couldn't conceive it. The truth."

She started to speak but held back. She suddenly had the urge to cry and needed to keep perfectly still. To do everything she could to hold it together.

"You couldn't out smart him, Leia. Even the Emperor didn't know he was going to do it."

They didn't have direct evidence of Palpatine's disapproval. He played along party lines in public. But they had enough spies and agents who reported the Emperor's fury. Alderaan's destruction meant sympathy for the rebellion.

"Who blows up a whole world? What kind of evil fucking monster is capable of doing that?"

She didn't dare blink because tears would fall. The evening had already taken a drastic turn, several in fact, and she knew she didn't want to include uncontrollable sobbing.

"Your brain couldn't process it cos it wasn't something that existed in your world. Cos until they started that sequence it wasn't true."

They were both aware of General Rieekan entering the room. There were a few drunken greetings and his friendly but short acknowledgment. Han and Leia knew Rieekan was heading in their direction and this moment, wherever it started and wherever they ended up, would soon be over.

Leia nodded once. "And now it is."

Han nodded in return. "Now it is."