Rescue and Motherhood of 1994 Timeline.

October: The first month of motherhood was insane. Nobody is prepared to be a parent. Let alone a teenager. Let alone a teenager whose baby's father was her kidnapper. Kate felt like all she did was nurse, diaper change, eat to make breastmilk, sleep, nurse, diaper change, eat to make breastmilk, sleep, nurse, diaper change, eat to make breastmilk, sleep, ect, ect. Like having no life to herself. Again. At least to her it seemed like there was a reason. But Kate was losing her shit.

Joy wasn't too much help. She was probably still in shock that she was a grandmother. But she did try to help with baby Vanessa. The day before Halloween, Kate was downstairs watching tv while Vanessa was on a play mat. Joy was trying to tell Kate something for Vanessa but Kate rolled her eyes and said, "Its fine. I got this." Joy made a remark but Kate blocked it out.

Halloween Kate was home alone while Joy and Rod went out for a few hours to get stuff. Probably candy for the kids. Kate sat with Vanessa in her arms and nursing off Kate's breast. Kate thought about Halloween last year. She had wanted a mask, he said no. That should have been a sign. Vanessa coo-ed, she was done nursing. Kate sat her up and began burping the baby. "You're going to have the best Halloween, Vans. I promise." Kate kissed her daughters nose. She couldn't do the forehead; that was a move by Martin. But a nose kiss was perfect for her little Vanessa.

Kate somehow found in a box an old Halloween costume that her mother dressed her in. Given that her birthday is a few weeks before Vanessa's, Vanessa was just a little too small for the outfit; A red and black polda dot dress with ladybug matching headband. Even Mallory said Vanessa looked "Too fucking cute. Seriously, too cute. Halloween is supposed to be, like, scary."

"Jeanette Turner saw me and did nothing. That's a nightmare leading to a thriller nightmare."

"Yeah, yeah. I watched the talk show a few weeks ago.

"You're not going out tonight?" Kate asked Mallory.

"Oh, hell yes I am. You kidding me? Ultimate prank night. Plus I know this guy whose kid sister can get twice as much candy. He's, like, diabetic or something but he gives me the candy after I stopped him from being hit by a car." Kate made a face. "Fine. I gave him a bag of weed. I'll bring some back."

"God I've missed candy. Get me twizzlers."

"What the fuck? Those are gross."

Kate shrugged. "Ever since I had Vans I've liked eating those.

November 1994.

Kate's therapy had been going ok. But she still lacked memories on and off. At least that's what it felt like. She did admit during one session that she didn't like to eat. When asked why, Kate admitted that the last time she willingly ate food when she wasn't hungry was when she was in captivity and pregnant with Vanessa. "I didn't want the food. I didn't want the food Martin offered. But I knew if I didn't than I'd have an unhealthy baby." Now she felt like that again. She didn't want to eat. Not a lot. But she did to make breastmilk and give that to Vanessa. She tried to get Vanessa to drink formula but that girl didn't like the fake milk. She didn't like anything fake. Kate couldn't agree more about fakeness.

Vanessa was a party baby. She wanted to stay up all night and sleep all day. That didn't suite well with Kate. She tried to keep the baby awake during the day but it seemed like all Vanessa wanted to do was sleep.

Kate was losing her mind. She needed a day to herself. She got her dad to watch Vanessa for the day. She left with Mallory before Joy could comment about hanging out with Mallory out of all people. The two girls went on a drive around the city blaring music. They parked in a secluded spot where they blared music again and Kate danced to that Zombies song she enjoyed.

She got home just before dinner. She wanted to go take a nap but after looking in on Vanessa in her crib and smelled it, Kate realized that Vanessa needed a change and Rod was in the shower. Exhausted as hell Kate pushed through to change Vanessa's diaper. She wrapped Vanessa in a royal blue colored blanket, placed her in the bed with herself and the two drifted off to sleep. Until Vanessa cried and needed to be rocked.

"Damn it." She mumbled. Kate sat up and swaddled her in her arms, rocking her gingerly. "Come on Vans, you wanna sleep. It's bedtime."

Fuck. Martin would tell her that.

Kate shook that off. "Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me. Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee."

The song that once brought comfort for Kate. She refused to ever sing that song again after being trapped in the basement. The night Vanessa was born Kate was just too much...In love with her newborn that she sang it to her. Vanessa appeared to adore it. Now as much as Kate loathed that song, she'd only sing it for Vanessa.

December 1994.

December was shit. Full-on shit. A year ago this month was when Kate was trapped in the basement. She had gone out for the first time in months. She had not known that this would be her last time going out and being free-ish to roam upstairs for six months.

She struggled with so much today. It was December third, but she felt like it was more Christmas time. All she wanted to do was scream and not deal with anything. But once again, the three month old baby needed her for another feeding. It was three or four in the morning and Kate fed her. "Fucking sleep, Vanessa." She told her.

Again at some point she was alone in the house. Her parents Christmas shopping. Kate was downstairs in the silence. Then Vanessa cried loudly. Kate went up. She had just finished nursing and burping Vanessa so it wasn't like she was hungry. Diaper change? No. "Vanessa, go to sleep. PLEASE!" Kate pleaded. But Vanessa did not stop. "Vanessa, go to sleep. Or stop crying, please. You're OK."

She didn't stop. Kate did everything that she could for five minutes. She lost her shit. "Fine!" She yelled into the crib. "Keep crying!" Kate stormed out of the room, closing the door behind her and stomped back down the stairs. "Why can't she shut up?"

But fifteen minutes of non-stop sobbing and guilt, Kate returned upstairs. She checked Vanessa once more. "I'm so sorry, Vans." She murmured and picked up the three month old. She brought her over to the rocking chair and rocked her gingerly while pacing back and forth in the blue sky chair. She sang the song again. Again and again until Vanessa had calmed down. "I'm so sorry for snapping."

The rest of the month Kate attempted to not take anything out on Vanessa. All she wanted to do was just get past the month.