Chapter 3: Our new best friend

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or its characters, they are owned by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I only own Hector and Emily because they're my OCs. Any OC that isn't Hector or Emily is owned by their respective owners. I also do not own the song or lyrics featured, some lyrics might be changed. Anyways, enjoy.

It was a nice sunny and snowy day in South Park, and the kids knew it well. At Cartman's house, Cartman, Stan, and Kenny, who were all dressed in tuxedos, were waiting for Samantha to arrive.

"Okay, here she comes," said Stan. "Which one of us is gonna tell her?"

"I'll do it," said Cartman. Just then, Samantha walked in.

"Hey boys, they just released Spider-Man No Way Home, and I thought we should all go," said Samantha.

"We'll do that, but first, take a seat," said Cartman, to which Samantha obeyed. "Samantha, in the month since our friend Kyle died, we've been looking for a new friend to take his place."

"What does that have to do with me?" asked Samantha.

"Well, we've talked it over, and since we've never had a girl in the group… we've chosen you to take Kyle's place in our group," said Cartman, which shocked Samantha.

"Me?! You want me to take Kyle's place?! But why?!" asked Samantha.

"For four reasons. One, you have the right hair color," began Cartman. "Second, you're a very good voice of reason. Third, you like Terrance and Phillip. And finally, we've always wanted a girl in our group. So, what do you say?"

"I accept the offer. You won't be disappointed," said Samantha, followed by her giving the boys a group hug, which they happily accepted.

The next day, at Samantha's house…

"So, what do you guys think of my room?" asked Samantha, as she showed the boys her room.

"It's pretty good. Not too girly. And I've never seen a girl's room with a Terrance and Phillip poster," said Cartman, noticing the Terrance and Phillip poster.

"Yeah, the other girls think they're gross, but I think they're hilarious," said Samantha.

"(I think I could get used to this)," said Kenny. He then made a joke about Samantha, which I can't translate because it's too 'dirty'.

"Dude, gross! In case you forgot, Samantha is my girlfriend," said Stan, causing Samantha to blush.

"And isn't she a little young to do that?" asked Cartman. He then looked at Stan and Samantha, who both had worried faces. "Wait, Stan, did you…?"

"Yeah, but only once," said Stan.

"Wow, Wendy is gonna be pissed you made sweet love to Samantha," said Cartman.

"Wendy seems like a nice girl, she'd be okay with me being with Stan," said a nervous Samantha. "But with that out of the way, do you guys want to play Mario Kart 8 deluxe? I just got the Nintendo Switch OLED model."

"Hai, mariokato 8 derakkusu o purei shitaidesu," said Stan, who was using his ability to speak Japanese.

"A, anata ga watashinohaha kokugo o hanasu koto o mananda no o mimasu," said Samantha, I'll let you guys/girls/others translate what they said.

"I didn't know you two could speak Japanese," said Cartman.

"Well, Samantha is Japanese, I just learned the language from her and her sister, Alice," said Stan.

"(But if she's from the land of hentai, then how come she has American eyes?)" asked Kenny.

"First off, you're a pervert. And second, me and my sister get our eyes from our father's side of the family," said Samantha. "Anyways, let's go play some Mario Kart 8 deluxe." And so they did… for 4 whole hours.

The next day…

Stan was getting ready to take his friends, and his girlfriend, to see Spider-Man No Way Home.

Mountain town by the cast of South Park

Stan: There's a bunch of birds in the sky,

And some deers just went running by,

Ohh, the snow's pure and white on the Earth rich and brown,

Just another Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town!

The sun is shining and the grass is green,

Under the three feet of the snow I mean,

This is a day when it's hard to wear a frown!

All the happy people stop to say hello,

Man on the Street: Get outta my way!

Stan: Even though the temperature's low,

It's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet, little mountain town!

Sharon Marsh: Well, good morning Stan.

Stan: Mom, can I have eight dollars to see a movie?

Sharon: A movie? But I thought you were going ice skating!

Stan: But this is gonna be the best movie ever! It's an action film from Marvel.

Sharon: Alright, alright, here you go. But be back for supper!

Stan: Thanks, Mom.

Sharon: Oh, what a picture perfect child,

Just like Jesus he's tender and mild,

He'd wear a smile while he wore a thorny crown!

What an angel with a heart so sweet and sure,

And a mind so open and pure,

Thank God we live in this quiet, redneck, mountain town!

Stan (at Kenny's house): Hi, is your son home?

Carol: I think so… Hey!

Stan: Ow.

Carol: Kenny wake up! … Kenny, dammit, c'mon!

Kenny: (I'm Coming!)

Stan: Kenny, the new Spider-Man movie is out, you wanna come?

Kenny: (Yeah, dude! Hell yes, I wanna come!)

Carol: Where do you think you're going?

Kenny: (To the new Spider-Man movie.)

Carol: You can't, you have to go to church.

Kenny: (But Mom, I really wanna see this movie!)

Carol: Well fine, go ahead and miss church. And then when you die and go to hell you can answer to Satan!

Kenny: (Okay!)

Stan: You can see your breath hanging in the air,

You see homeless people, but you just don't care,

It's a sea of smiles in which we'd be glad to drown!

Kenny: (Don't ya know it's like a perfect winter's day,

And that I'm glad I can say…)

Stan: That's right!

It's Sunday morning in our quiet, little, white-bred, redneck mountain town!

Samantha: Okay, sis. Let's try this one more time.

Alice Himitsu (holding a doll): Ok Sammy.

Samantha: Ready sis? Kick the baby!

Alice (speaking for the doll): Don't kick the baby.

Samantha: Kick the baby!

Stan: Alice, Sammy! We're gonna see Spider-Man No Way Home!

Alice: Oh my God, dude!

Hector (as he and Emily showed up): Hey, what's going on?

Samantha: Nothing, we're gonna see the new Spidey film.

Emily: Oh, well, can we come with you guys.

Stan: But, Emily! I don't have enough money for all of us!

Emily: We'll pay for our tickets.

Stan: Okay, okay. Let's go.

Emily: Look at us frail and fragile kids,

It gets our parents down,

The world is such a rotten place,

And city life's a complete disgrace!

That's why we moved to this redneck, drunken-ass, quiet mountain town!

Cartman (at his house): Mom, somebody's at the door! … Mom, somebody's at the door, I said!

Liane Cartman: Coming, hon.

Cartman: Ey, I can't see the TV!

News Reporter (on TV): It's been 22 years since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him.

Liane: Ooh, look Eric. It's your little friends.

Hector: Hey man!

Cartman: What are you guys doing here?... Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!

All of the kids (walking to the cinema): Off to the movies we shall go,

Where we learn everything that we know,

Because the movies teach us what our parents don't have time to say,

And this movie's gonna make our lives complete,

'Cause we all know Spidey is sweet,

Cartman: Super sweet!

All: Thank God we live in this quiet, little, redneck, Podunk, white-trash,

Kenny: Kick ass!

All: U- S- A-!

"Hello there, 7 tickets to Spider-Man No Way Home, please," said Stan, as he gave the money to the ticket salesmen.

"Okay here you go," said the ticket salesmen, as he gave the kids their tickets. The kids then went into the theater, and sat through the best Spider-Man movie ever (at least in their opinion).

Somewhere, deep in the woods…

Someone was watching the kids through a monitor, someone who wanted revenge.

"So, Hector thinks he can get rid of me that easily?" asked the mysterious figure. "Well, he can't! Just because his leg's gone means it's my fault!? Well, if it's war he wants, then war he'll have! Soon they will remember the name: Kyle Broflovski! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Plot Twist! I told you… never say never. Also, I want you guys to imagine Kyle with a Darth Vader voice. Don't ask, it's a surprise.