Chapter 4: Spider-Dude: Return of the Jew
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or its characters, they are owned by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I only own Hector and Emily because they're my OCs. Any OC that isn't Hector or Emily is owned by their respective owners. I also do not own the song or lyrics featured, some lyrics might be changed. Anyways, enjoy.
Author's Note: DO NOT troll people just to get good reviews, you know who you are!
It was a nice snowy and somewhat warm day in South Park, and people were doing okay for the most part. Hector was sitting on a park bench, reading Amazing Fantasy Number 15 (the first Spider-Man comic book, don't ask how he got it).
"Hey, Hector. What are you doing?" asked Wendy, as she and Bebe walked towards Hector.
"I'm just reading the first Spider-Man comic book, look," said Hector, as he showed the girls a few pages, which amused them a little bit.
"Wow, he was cool then, and he's cooler now, and hot," said Bebe, causing Hector to roll his eyes. "But, why are you reading this old comic book?"
"I'm just seeing what it's like to be a superhero, but I want to know what it feels like," said Hector, which gave the two girls an idea.
"Well, we could make a Spider-'Man costume for you," said Wendy.
"Really?! You'd do that for me?! But why?!" asked Hector.
"Two reasons. One, Wendy is in a superhero group called the Freedom Pals. And Two, I've always wanted to make a superhero suit for a boy," said Bebe.
"That's great! Here's a list of gadgets, and a picture of the MCU Iron Spider-Man suit for reference," said Hector, as he gave the girls a list and a reference sheet. The girls then inspected what Hector gave them.
"Don't worry Hector. With my coding skills and Bebe's sense of fashion, we'll have this suit ready in about a month," said Wendy. And she wasn't kidding.
1 month later…
"Okay, Hector, are you ready to see the suit?" said Wendy, as she walked Hector to her room.
"Sure, but can I take off the blindfold?" asked Hector, who was indeed wearing a blindfold. Wendy then took Hector's blindfold off him, and he was amazed at what he saw. "Wow, it looks just like the reference sheet! Can I try it on?"
"Sure, let me help you get it on," said Bebe. She then turned the suit into a utility belt, placed it around Hector, took off his glasses, and, just like nano-tech, it covered Hector's body with the suit (plus it was a perfect fit).
"It fits perfectly! Hey, I sound like a robot!" said Spider-Dude (I'm going to refer to the Superheroes by their hero names to avoid confusion), who had a robot-like voice. All of a sudden, he started crawling on the walls.
Bouncing off the Walls by Reeve Carney
Hector: Someone else has woken up inside of me
Something has just turned on a light in me
I feel a force flow through every artery now
I can't get down, I woke up on the roof again
Round and round, spinning on the spot again
I can't explain the who, the where, the why, or the when, how
And I feel it in my veins
It's a feeling I can tame
Can you two please explain
Why, why, why
Why I'm bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
A sun spot, I'm atomic energy
The suit won't split and it left the best part of me
It's not static, just electricity
Wow
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
And I feel it in my soul
What I need to control
And I feel it in my bones
It's time to roll
Roll, roll, roll
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Bouncing off the walls
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, alright
"I gotta admit, you have a great singing voice," said Wendy, once Hector finished his musical number. Suddenly, the Freedom Pals alert went off, followed by Wendy changing into her Call Girl costume.
"Come now, Spider-Dude, we better get to the Freedom Pals," said Call Girl, followed by Spider-Dude and Call Girl taking a handicar to Token's house.
At the Freedom Pals' secret base…
Once all the heroes were at the secret base (which was Token's basement), they all sat down near the 4K television.
"Okay, Freedom Pals! There's a bank robbery unlike any other we've faced," said Doctor Timothy, with his mind, shocking Spider-Dude in the process. Doctor Timothy then noticed Spider-Dude. "Excuse me, who is the new recruit?"
"It's okay Doctor Timothy. I brought him here to make his dream come true," said Call Girl.
"What are we, the Make A Wish foundation?" said The Coon, sarcastically.
"Come on, Cartman, we could use a hero as marketable as Spider-Man!" said Nekomancer.
"Samantha does have a point, we are following in Marvel's footsteps," said Toolshed. The Coon just sighed.
"Fine, just tell us your powers, hero name, and secret identity," said The Coon.
"I have every known power of Spider-Man, plus a few extras. My hero name is Spider-Dude. And my secret identity is Hector Garcia, aka your friend from school," said Spider-Dude, revealing his face with that last part.
"Okay, I just have one question. Why aren't you wearing your glasses?" asked Mysterion.
"Oh, because the eyes have my prescription built-in. It also makes me feel strong," said Spider-Dude, as his suit put the mask back on (I don't know how to phrase it, so bear with me).
"Oh, that reminds me. Hector, don't wear the suit for too long or the suit's abilities will mix with your DNA. It's like steroids, except your dick and balls won't shrink," said Call Girl.
"I'll keep that in mind. Now, let's go stop that bank robbery!" said Spider-Dude, followed by all the Freedom Pals running to the bank.
At the bank…
The bank robber was a child, but he had robotic tentacle arms, a trench coat, and a Darth Vader mask covering his face. Luckily for the citizens, the Freedom Pals arrived just in time.
"Stop right there!" said Mysterion, causing the bank robber to face the Freedom Pals.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't my good friends the Freedom Pals!" said the bank robber, with a Darth Vader voice.
"What the heck are you talking about? We don't even know you!" said Professor Chaos, who was now an anti-hero.
"I'm sure you remember my face!" said the bank robber, as he removed his mask. The heroes gasped in shock, the robber was none other than… Kyle Broflovski. "I bet you're wondering how I'm still alive."
Everyone nodded.
"Well, it all started when Hector's dad got me arrested," began Kyle. "It was at that moment I realized that Hector must die. So I faked my death, escaped my cell, and built these robotic arms to help me steal money across the nation so I can build a giant weapon that will kill Hector and all of his friends and family! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!"
"So, you're going to k-k-kill every h-h-human in the w-w-w-world?" asked Fastpass, causing Kyle to stop laughing.
"What do you mean every human?" asked Kyle.
"You said 'all of his friends and family', and Hector's is friends with everyone on earth," said Captain Diabetes.
"Whatever, I'm still gonna kill everyone!" said Kyle, as he charged at the Freedom Pals. Suddenly, Spider-Dude webbed up Kyle's robot arms, so that he couldn't use them. "What the! Who the fuck are you?!"
"An emissary from hell, Spider-Dude!" said Spider-Dude, as he kicked Kyle square in the balls. "Guys, I could use a little help here!"
"Okay! Take this Kyle!" said The Coon, as he slashed Kyle's face with his claws. All of a sudden, Kyle broke free from Spider-Dude's webs. Spider-Dude kept jumping on the walls while Kyle kept trying to attack, only to damage the walls.
"I've got you now Hector, any last words?!" said Kyle, as he was about to impale Spider-Dude.
"Just a few. HAVE FUN BURNING MOTHERFUCKER!" shouted Spider-Dude, followed by him burning Kyle's face with the fire setting on his web shooters.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS!" screamed Kyle, as his face and his robot tentacle arms burned until their last movement. "Fuck you". Those were Kyle's last words, before he died, followed by The Coon putting out the fire with water.
Suddenly, the bank started to crumble.
"Hurry, let's get the fuck out of here!" exclaimed Nekomancer. All the Freedom Pals escaped the bank, followed by the bank falling to the ground, crushing what was left of Kyle's body.
The next day, at Hector's house…
"...And in other news, a little boy by the name of Kyle Broflovski, was found dead at the South Park Bank. 0 percent of South Park think he should've lived, while the other 100 percent agreed he deserved it after they found out that he chopped off the leg of Hector Garcia, also known as 'The Kid who can make friends with anyone he cares about'. More on this later," said the News Anchor, followed by Hector switching it to We Baby Bears.
"I still can't believe you killed Kyle!" said Emily.
"Yeah, but when you really think about it, it's pretty much what we did to the Jews back in New York around Christmas," said Hector, remembering how he used to beat up Jews on Christmas until they moved away, never to be seen again.
"Let me guess, you used to beat up Jewish kids on Christmas?" asked Cartman. Hector nodded.
"That explains why you visited Kyle just to beat him up 9 months ago," said Samantha.
"Can I please just enjoy this new Cartoon Network show without interruptions, please?!" asked Hector, to which everyone nodded. "Thank you."
And that concludes Kyle's arc. Well, what did you think when I said "special" arc? I thought the quotations were enough. Samantha and Nekomancer are the same character, so they are both owned by Modestneko. And, here's a little advice for all you trolls: DO ALL YOUR TROLLING IN HELL YOU FUCKING C&#TS! Thank you.