There are good days, days when they can forget about the war. These are the days Sasuke loves best. These are the days that he can pretend that Kaguya doesn't exist, that the White Zetsu aren't searching for them. He imagines this is how life would have been like, had they defeated Kaguya; wandering through the world with Naruto at his side, enjoying the pleasant heat of summer and the sound of Naruto's laugh. These are the good days.
But there are also bad days.
They'd found a band of survivors on the very edge of Fire Country, besieged by a force of over a hundred White Zetsu. A pitched battle raged as they rescued the survivors, Sasuke and Naruto serving as the rearguard to hold off Kaguya's forces.
That's when they saw him.
Kakashi's body had been mangled, torn, abused, but there was no mistaking the scraps of silver hair that clung to his reanimated body. Naruto had frozen, unable to move, as the corpse of their one-time teacher shambled towards them.
Sasuke had dragged Naruto with him as they fled. There had been no physical injuries, but Sasuke couldn't help but wince at the empty, despairing look in Naruto's usually warm eyes.
They'd made their camp in an abandoned farmstead. Some of the survivors choose to keep watch, while others lay under the stars and dress their wounds in the warm summer air. Now Sasuke sits with his back pressed up against the shed that Naruto's sleeping in.
He can hear Naruto crying.
Sasuke knows what Kakashi meant to Naruto. He saw how the man's death broke the blond. And to fight against Kakashi again, after he's been defiled by Kaguya—
It's horrible. It's cruel.
And Sasuke's not one to offer comfort. He's a damaged, emotionally stunted asshole who has no business trying to talk about feelings. But he's getting up, pushing the door of the shed open, and staring at Naruto's back as it heaves with poorly-concealed sobs.
"Naruto," he says. He doesn't get a response, so he tries again. "Naruto? C'mon. Look at me."
Naruto's eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, and he's sniffling. Sasuke just stares for a moment, unsure of what to do. Black eyes gaze into blue ones for a long moment, before Sasuke clears his throat nervously and talks.
"I knew this guy once, a total idiot, and he told me that being alone doesn't help," he says, and Naruto's lips raise in the faintest smile.
"I don't know," the blond says, his voice thick with emotion. "He seems like a smart guy."
"He acts like a complete fool most of the time," Sasuke says, smirking as he pokes Naruto in the shoulder. "But I love him anyway."
There's dazed silence as Naruto slowly sits up, staring at him. His eyes widen with surprise, and his jaw slackens with disbelief. His tears are forgotten entirely as he gapes at Sasuke.
"You… love me?" he asks Sasuke in a small voice.
And Sasuke hadn't really meant to blurt it out like that, hadn't really intended for Naruto to ever find out about this particular secret. But now that the cat's out of the proverbial bag, he nods slowly.
"More than anything else," he says, and then Naruto's hand grabs his collar and drags him close. When Naruto's lips press against his own, he feels an elated electric tingle flicker through his whole body. Naruto tastes like smoke and sweat and salty tears, and it's the best combination Sasuke has ever experienced, because it's Naruto that he's kissing.
Sasuke pulls away a little, a stupid grin on his face. Naruto takes one look at him and starts chuckling, his breath tingling as it blows over Sasuke's jaw. And maybe the world's ending, maybe all hope is lost, maybe Kaguya is going to win after all. But in this shed, it's just the two of them; Naruto and Sasuke, laughing as they hold each other. This is their whole world.
Moonlight floods through the window, ethereal silver light flowing over the two beds in the room. Sasuke's cheeks are damp, eyes stinging, as he sits up. It's the middle of the night, clearly, and he can see the outline of Jiraiya sleeping in the other bed in the room.
They'd chosen a little inn to stay at tonight, to take a little break from sleeping outside. Jiraiya had complained until Sasuke agreed to only get one room. The man had pouted as he shook his much-lightened wallet, until Sasuke had finally relented.
So here he is, laying in a bed that's much softer than what he's used to, the numbness in his heart giving way to pain. Sasuke sits up, resting his face in his hands, taking deep breaths. A part of him had thought that maybe this was all a dream. A part of him had thought that surely this couldn't be reality. Surely this could have never happened. Naruto would never leave him—
That part of him is still trying to come to terms with what he's lost.
"Juugo?" comes a sleepy voice. Sasuke's head snaps up as Jiraiya stirs. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Sasuke says hastily, trying to mask the raw hurt in his voice. "Go to sleep, old man."
"'M not old," Jiraiya grumbles, turning his back to Sasuke and going back to sleep. Sasuke closes his eyes, focusing on his breathing as he runs a hand through his hair. His hair—
"You need a haircut," Naruto giggles, tugging playfully on his hair. Sasuke scowls.
"Quit it," he grumbles. "That hurts!"
Naruto shifts so he's fully sitting in Sasuke's lap, both hands carding through Sasuke's hair. Their faces are inches from each other, and Sasuke's breath catches in his throat as he looks into deep blue eyes—
Sasuke stumbles out of bed, nearly tripping over the sheets that tangle between his legs. His knee clips the bedside table, but he doesn't even feel it. His visions' gone blurry, his breathing is coming in ragged gasps, and his heart feels like it's going to burst.
Now Sasuke's in the bathroom, turning on the harsh white light, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it. He's ripping the ratty eye-patch off and flinging it away, staring at his own face in the mirror. He sees a tired eye, dark circles, sickly-pale skin. He sees locks of silky black hair falling over his face. He sees the wet, glistening tracks of tears.
He can't stop thinking about Naruto's fingers in his hair.
There's a kunai clenched in his shaking fist as he pulls a lock of hair straight. It cuts quickly, easily, black hair falling into the sink and onto the floor. He grabs another fistful of hair.
It's all over the floor now.
His hair is all over the floor, but he still can't stop thinking about Naruto, Naruto touching him, Naruto smiling at him, and Sasuke can't—
The kunai slips from his fingers, clattering against the tile. Sasuke steps away from the mirror, screwing his eyes shut and letting his back hit the wall. He slides down, curling into a ball.
His shoulders shake with the force of his sobs. Sasuke wraps his arms around himself and rocks back and forth, his eyes stinging. There's a knock at the door, and Jiraiya's voice comes through faintly.
"Is everything okay in there?"
But nothing's okay. Nothing will be okay again. So Sasuke doesn't get up, doesn't unlock the door, doesn't even reply. He sits there and cries until the tears run dry, until his throat aches, until exhaustion numbs the hurt.
He cries until, eventually, he falls asleep.
The sun shines on his face through the small window above the sink, and Sasuke groans as he wakes up. He's sore from sleeping on the cold tile, and he's uncomfortably itchy from wayward strands of his shorn hair. He sits up, wincing at the pangs from his abused muscles.
And then Sasuke remembers where he is, and what he's lost. His breath leaves him, and there's a dull ache in his wonders when it'll stop hurting so much. Or if it ever will.
He needs to do something. He needs a goal, a task, something. He'll go crazy otherwise.
So Sasuke slumps back, letting his arms fall to his sides as he stares up at the ceiling and just… thinks. The Akatsuki haven't gathered their full strength yet, and Danzo hasn't orchestrated the Uchiha massacre. Those are the two things he wants to alter. If he changes the course of history enough, Kaguya won't even have the chance to awaken.
But it's more than that. Because he's not doing this for altruistic purposes. Despite what Naruto would always tell him, he's not a good person. He's not looking to save the world or play hero.
No. He's hurting, and he wants the people responsible to hurt just as much as he does. He wants to destroy them, ruin them, make them regret everything.
Naruto never believed in revenge. He believed in love and forgiveness, always doing the right thing, and offering mercy where he could. That's how he had lived.
And that's how he had died.
But Sasuke doesn't believe in forgiveness. He's not sure he even believes in love, not anymore. The only thing he believes in is burning Danzo, Obito, Madara-all of them-to the ground. That's what he believes in.
The bathroom door opens eventually, and Jiraiya looks up as Juugo steps out, adjusting his eye-patch. His hair is short and choppy now, his one visible eye is swollen and red, and the dark circles that mark his face are even more pronounced now.
Juugo looks like shit.
"Are-are you alright?" Jiraiya asks. He just gets an irritated glare in response.
"Yes. Let's head out."