Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter, I really love hearing what you think and it keeps me motivated to keep writing so thank you thank you thank you.

I know you're annoyed with Chuck - I am too but I love a bit of angst. Maybe we'll get some answers in this chapter...

Chapter 14

Chuck grunted as he tried to top up his glass only to realise the bottle of scotch was empty. It was just after lunch, and he'd been propping himself up on the bar at The Empire since he'd returned from Blair's apartment. He regretted leaving the minute the elevator doors closed but he couldn't bring himself to go back and apologise. Blair had asked him not to stay with her, he'd pushed and pushed until she agreed and then he'd gotten drunk and said things he didn't mean. He was a mess, and she didn't need that in her life right now.

"Chuck! What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Chuck was brought out of his self-loathing trance by the sound of Serena shouting across the room at him. It wasn't busy but the handful of businessmen in the bar paused their conversations to stare at the tall blonde as she stormed across the room.

"Sis. It's wonderful to see you." Chuck slurred. Serena snatched the empty bottle of scotch out of Chuck's hand and promptly slapped him across the face. "What the fuck?" Chuck growled and rubbed his face to ease the stinging.

"How could you do that to her?" Serena stared at Chuck with a hand on her hip. Her cheeks were flushed in anger, and she gripped the bottle of scotch, her knuckles whitening under the pressure.

"You are going to have to give me more information." Chuck feigned ignorance but he knew what this was about.

"Blair. I was supposed to meet her for lunch, but she never showed up. When I called her, she said she was leaving the police station. How could you let her go down there on her own?!"

"I sent a car." Chuck stated bluntly.

"She didn't need a car; she needed you." Chuck's stomach dropped. Serena didn't know what she was talking about, Chuck told himself. If she knew the truth, she would realise Blair didn't need him, she needed her friends, and he was not her friend. Serena shook her head in disappointment then turned to leave Chuck to it.

"What did the police say?" Chuck asked as Serena walked away. He wasn't going to ask, he told himself he didn't care but he couldn't help himself. He needed to know. She turned and paused for a moment.

"He denied everything."

Chuck dropped his head into his hands. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear, people rarely admitted their guilt, and Steve had a lot to lose if he was found guilty. Chuck felt awful. He pictured Blair sitting in the police station on her own, having to face that alone, after he'd promised her he would be there to support her. It was another promise he'd broken, another action that had hurt her, and another reason why she was better off without him.

"She'll push you away, but you need to be there for her. She's still having panic attacks, she'll tell you she isn't, but she is, most nights I think." Chuck pulled his head out of his hands and stared, glassy-eyed, at Serena. He knew he was rambling; the alcohol had lowered his inhibitions but if he wasn't going to be there to make sure Blair was okay, he needed to know that Serena would be.

"Why are you doing this, Chuck? This is not another one of your stupid games, Blair was assaulted. She's going to have to stand up in court and tell everyone what Steve did to her while he tries to deny it all. She needs you, stop acting like a jerk and go and apologise. Although you might want to sober up first."

Chuck wanted to shout at Serena and tell her to shut up. He didn't want to be reminded of the events of that night. The scotch had numbed his senses, but it didn't stop him picturing Steve's slimy hands on Blair's delicate body. It made him feel nauseous, he could taste the bile in the back of his throat, and he swallowed hard.

"I don't do hand-holding and sympathy, Sis. I believe that's more your specialty. Now if you'd kindly leave my hotel, I have business to attend to." Chuck tried to ignore the twisting in his stomach, he told himself it was too much alcohol that was making him feel sick and not guilt. He avoided Serena's gaze, he knew she was glaring at him, and he couldn't deal with that look, so he pushed past her and joined two young women who were sitting at one of the tables. Serena watched him as he took hold of their hands and encouraged them to follow him out of the bar.

…

A few weeks passed and the investigation was slow-moving. Steve repeatedly denied any wrong-doing and claimed everything that happened between him and Blair had been consensual. Although Jane kept trying to reassure Blair that the evidence they had was strong, Steve had been released on bail while awaiting trial.

"How is that possible?" Serena had shouted when Blair informed her of Steve's release. "He ran. He disappeared. They had to haul him out of some country house in the middle of New Hampshire. How does that not scream guilty?!"

Blair blinked back the tears she'd been fighting against since Jane had called her. "He says he was there on business, a planned trip. His father corroborated his story. And he has no criminal record, apparently the judge believes he's low risk." Blair choked at the words 'low risk'. None of this felt low risk for Blair, someone stealing your phone or breaking into your car might have been low risk, but this was dominating her life.

"That's such bullshit. What about the CCTV? That shows him putting something in your drink, what more proof do they want?" Serena reached out and held Blair's hand, squeezing it gently.

"They say it's not enough to keep him locked up. He's on a curfew and can't come anywhere near me. Apparently, that's adequate for our law enforcement." Blair furiously swiped away her tears. Jane's phone call had floored her. She was sure Steve would remain in custody, she hadn't planned on living through this knowing Steve was only a few blocks away from her, free to walk the streets, free to find her.

Serena had tried to support Blair as best as she could. When Steve had been released, Serena moved into Blair's apartment and Blair didn't argue. She insisted she was managing but she was barely sleeping and when she did, she was plagued by nightmares and panic attacks. Sometimes she would wake Serena but usually she would stay in her room and pretend nothing had happened when everyone asked how she was the next morning.

Chuck's self-destruction had continued. He spent most of his time either drunk in a corner of The Empire bar or sleeping with random women whose names he never cared to ask for. He'd called Blair a couple of times, usually after he'd consumed an obscene amount of alcohol, but she never answered, and he didn't leave a message. He wasn't sure what he would say to her if she had answered his call anyway.

It was early morning when Chuck woke up. He didn't know what day of the week it was; he'd stopped paying attention weeks ago, and the latest girl he'd picked up in some seedy club the night before was currently passed out on his sofa. Chuck grimaced as he watched her drool over the expensive fabric. He'd mixed alcohol with a concoction of illegal drugs and barely remembered sleeping with this one. She was brunette, slim, and he'd imagined it was Blair. He was pouring himself a coffee when the elevator pinged. He didn't get many visitors, Nate and Serena would appear every few days and try to persuade him to clean up and sober up, but he would argue with them and kick them out.

"Charles?" It was Lily, he hadn't seen her for weeks. He subconsciously ran a hand through his hair and straightened his robe, she was the closest thing he had to a mother, and he wanted to appear semi-presentable. "Oh. I'm sorry." He heard her apologise, she must have seen the naked, unconscious girl on the sofa. Chuck cringed slightly, there wasn't much that embarrassed him, but this was one of those occasions. He walked back into the living room and shook the girl awake, shoving her clothes and bag into her hands then guided her into the elevator once she was suitably dressed.

"Call me?" The nameless girl asked. Chuck raised an eyebrow in disgust and stuffed a handful of notes into her hand, that should cover the cab ride home, he reasoned and pushed the button to close the doors.

"Charles. You look dreadful." Lily stood with her arms folded across her chest.

"Thanks." Chuck almost laughed.

"I'm worried about you, Charles. Serena says she hasn't spoken to you properly in weeks and you've barely been seen at Bass Industries since the charity event. The board members are beginning to ask questions, what is going on?" Lily asked, concern etched on her face.

As far as Chuck was aware, the only people that knew about Blair's assault were him, Serena, Nate and Dorota. Blair had refused to tell her parents and Chuck had paid the reporters a large sum of money to keep the story out of the newspapers.

"I'm reliving my youth. Being CEO is hard work, I've been taking some time to… unwind." Chuck replied.

"A mother knows when their child is lying, Charles. Does this have anything to do with Blair?"

Chuck's eyes shot up at the mention of Blair and he berated himself for being so obvious. Lily smiled, knowingly.

"I can't help unless you talk to me." Lily said, as she reached out to place a hand on Chuck's arm. She could see the pain behind his eyes, he was broken and exhausted, and not just because he'd overdone it with alcohol and drugs.

Chuck looked at her hand on his arm. He may have slept with a different girl every night for the past few weeks, but this was the first proper contact he'd had with anyone since he'd left Blair's apartment. His life was falling apart, and he knew it. Bass Industries was only surviving because Lily had stepped in to cover for him. If he continued his path of self-destruction, he was going to end up with nothing, but he didn't know how to step off. He looked at Lily, her eyes pleading with him to open up to her.

"Blair was assaulted." There, he'd said it. He realised it was the first time he'd said the words out loud, and it made it feel even more real.

"What?!" Lily's mouth dropped open in shock.

"The night of the charity event. Her boyfriend, spiked her drink and tried to force himself on her." Chuck's voice was almost robotic, if he allowed himself to think about what he was saying, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep talking.

"Oh my god. I had no idea." Lily said and instinctively squeezed Chuck's arm.

"She… erm… the police are involved. He's denying it. Her mother doesn't know." Chuck continued. His thoughts were jumping around, and he wasn't sure he was making sense.

"Oh, Charles." Lily reached up to touch his cheek. "How is Blair? Steve seemed so nice."

Chuck pulled away at the mention of Steve's name. He could picture the bruises on Blair's body again and he shook his head slightly, trying to remove them from his memory.

"I.. erm… I don't know. I haven't seen her." Chuck said and he heard Lily's slight intake of breath. He knew what was coming and he couldn't deal with it right now.

"Charles. Blair is your friend; she needs your support. Why are you avoiding her?" Chuck merely shrugged in response to Lily's question. He wanted to laugh at the pathetic response. Who had he become? He couldn't even come up with a sarcastic response to a simple question.

"She doesn't need me." He eventually said.

"Jenny says Blair has been working all hours at the atelier. She rarely goes home; she barely eats, and she looks like she hasn't slept properly for weeks. She needs you, Charles."

Chuck met Lily's gaze and shrugged again. He didn't know what else to say, so much had happened and if only Lily knew the truth, then she would realise how little Blair needed him.

"What is it? You're clearly blaming yourself for something so tell me what it is that you think you've done." Lily asked, it was like she could see right through him. He faltered; he was trying to formulate a plausible lie that would satisfy Lily, but nothing came to mind. He was going to have to tell her the truth, and maybe that was for the best.

"It's my fault." He said and Lily looked at him with confusion etched on her face. "The assault, it was all my fault."

"I'm sorry Charles, but I don't understand. How is any of this your fault?" Lily couldn't piece it together.

"I knew I was angering him, I pressed his buttons, I wanted him to react, and he did. Except he hurt her, I didn't want that. I wanted them to argue, split up. I never wanted to hurt her, but he did, and it was because of me." Chuck didn't cry but he could feel the unfamiliar sting in his eyes and the tightness in his chest. The guilt was all-consuming, he'd tried to drown it out with alcohol and drugs and women, and it had worked. Or so he thought, in reality it was just adding to it, he was getting drunk and high while Blair was dealing with everything on her own. Every day that passed was another day that he was leaving Blair to survive alone. He was a terrible person and he deserved to live with his guilt.

"Now Charles, I need you to listen to me. You are not to blame for what that man did. From my understanding you met him for the first time that night and he must have arrived with the drugs on him, is that right?" Chuck nodded. "Therefore, he had planned to do this before he ever even met you. He bought those drugs, with the intention of spiking Blair's drink before he knew anything about you. Nothing you did could have changed that man's plans. But what you are doing right now is hurting her. You need to stop this, before it's too late."

Chuck sank onto the sofa and dropped his head into his hands. He'd screwed up and Lily's word stung. You're hurting her. He'd done all of this to avoid hurting her, but he'd resorted to childish Chuck Bass behaviour, and he wasn't sure how to undo the harm that he was causing.

"Charles, can I give you some advice?" Chuck didn't say anything, and Lily took his silence as permission to continue. "I know it's not a word you're used to using but saying sorry is usually a good place to start. Go and see Blair, talk to her. And cut back on the alcohol, drugs and under-dressed visitors before the board members have a coronary, I can't take any more of their whining." Lily kissed Chuck on the cheek and stepped into the elevator.

To be continued...

I always loved Chuck and Lily's relationship in the show - anyone else?

Keep the reviews coming, I'm going away at the weekend so it might be a week or so before I can update again but I've got the next few chapters all planned out so I won't keep you waiting too long :)

Lx