Chapter 10- CAUGHT YOU STARING AT ME?

Mr. Thornton cursed himself. He was incredibly rude to Miss Hale and seeing her exit the room wrenched his heart. The three men talked about the economy, the city, and books and such sort. But the conversation didn't hold any focus for the mill master. He suddenly felt his nerves clench and twist, he felt suffocated by his remarks. He wanted to run away from the house.

It was time anyway, and he had to rush to the meeting at the club. He excused himself, bid Mr. Hale adieu, secretly hoped to get a glimpse of her, but couldn't. He walked out of the room, with Dixon fetching his coat and hat to him.

He walked fast, his head drowned deep in misery. "What has come over me? To speak of her in such a manner? What difference is there between the gossipers and me, then? She has every right to fall in love, with someone much better and worthy for a graceful woman like her. But to call her untruthful? That too, in front of her father and godfather? And not to forget, to inform her that my feelings for her have been extinguished. Ah, what a lie! They have only increased intensely, even if I know she is out of my reach. Well done. This has gone beyond the limit and she will never look at me ever again." He thought to himself.

He was now standing in front of the club. He was half an hour late and could already hear the other mill masters roaring and guffawing like a herd of goats. He was uninterested to attend the meeting. They would talk about the upcoming speculation, talk ruthlessly and lewdly about women, and curse their workers. And he would have to bear it all like a stupid schoolboy who had been summoned to the principal's office.

At Crampton, dinner was going on. It was a silent affair. Mr. Hale was as usual, but Mr. Bell noticed Margaret's somber mood. He was still annoyed by Thornton's remark on her and was waiting for an appropriate time to fling it back at him.

After dinner, the men went to the drawing room. Margaret kept her fingers busy with needlework. It was foolish to do so; knitting was not a skill she could ever muster. But it helped her mind stay out of Mr. Thornton, so she did. Some moments later, Mr. Hale left to study, as he had to prepare for the next day's lectures. That left Mr. Bell a chance to talk to Margaret.

"Margaret rose from her seat, and began silently to fold up her work. The long seams were heavy, and had an unusual weight for her languid arms. The round lines in her face took a lengthened, straighter form, and her whole appearance was that of one who had gone through a day of great fatigue.

"I never saw a fellow so spoiled by success. He can't bear a word; a jest of any kind. Everything seems to touch on the soreness of his high dignity. Formerly, he was as simple and noble as the open day; you could not offend him, because he had no vanity", Mr. Bell condemned.

"He is not vain now," said Margaret, turning round from the table, and speaking with quiet distinctness. "To-night he has not been like himself." (Gaskell, North and South)

Mr. Bell looked at her for a minute.

"He is blinded by his own foolish thoughts, my dear. You see, it will just be a matter of time before the fog clears up and the sun comes out!"

That said, he left the room. Margaret kept gaping at the burning fire. She was too frozen by the comment, which was still ringing in her ears. She felt a mixture of every emotion that existed, love for him despite his mistrust on her, anger at his foolishness and quick judgment of her actions without bothering to even think outside of what he had actually seen at the station.

Tomorrow, she remembered, she had to visit Mrs. Thornton. She felt fearful and wished to avoid the meeting. She wanted to stay away from society as long as she could, curl up in bed and just be, that's all. But she knew she couldn't, at least for the sake of respect. The woman was kind to her mother although she didn't show it too much. She had to return the favor by obliging the invitation.

She went to her room quietly and prepared for bed.

Today will be a significant day. Mrs. Thornton woke up as usual, but her mind was in confusion. She couldn't wait for Miss Hale to just come and confess the truth of her family secret, the existence of her mutineer brother.

But she knew that she had to tread carefully, lest she annoy the girl. The young miss was too proud for goodness sake. Both she and John had unknowingly hurt the young lady. It was a great relief after all that Miss Hale had agreed to meet her in the first place. She wanted to get done with this and get on ahead but patience was necessary. For her son's sake, she had to converse with her carefully, trying to assure her that she will not put the family in danger by knowing the truth. And if miracles do exist, she wished to see at least a hint of love in her eyes for her son.

Her thoughts were broken when she saw John entering the room. She hoped that he had forgotten about Miss Hale's visit. She wanted to have a talk with her in private. Her son being present will only enlarge the distance and the bitterness that existed already between her and John.

But it was John, who was head over heels in love with the haughty Miss Hale, and he never forgot one single detail about her.

"Mother, I suppose today Miss Hale will be visiting us, right?"

Mrs. Thornton sighed.

"Yes, she will be coming to visit me", she replied with no interest, emphasizing on the latter part of her response..

"Mother, I think it would be only right if I am also present. I will be going to the mill, finish up a few tasks, and come back by a quarter to eleven. Goodbye, mother."

"Wait, John!"

"Yes?"

"I don't think it proper for you to be here when she comes. You better be at the mill, it's already in trouble. I shall keep her company."

Mr. Thornton flinched. He knew that this would come, his mother would not allow his presence in front of her. But his mother and Miss Hale were never good company, and with regards to their last conversation at Crampton, he knew he had to be present so as to make sure his mother doesn't hurt her with her words.

"No, I wish to see her…"

"No, you will do as I say. I wish to talk to her in private. I know you are afraid that I might speak rude to her, but I promise you I will not. That is, I will not be too easy as well. But for once, if you wish this to be right, you will stay in your office."

Mr. Thornton protested further but his mother was quite stern. She reminded him that he had hurt her too, and his presence might make her uncomfortable and annoyed. He knew that his mother was right but what baffled him was the fact that his mother was speaking with a sense of purpose. She never liked Miss Hale although he knew that she applauded her sense of simplicity and bold nature inwardly. But her sudden interest in Miss Hale kept flashing in his mind. He knew not what to make of it.

He only warned her that she not speak one rude word against Miss Hale no matter what, and that she will inform him what they talked about later when he comes home. He was dejected that he cannot stay while she comes. He was happy thinking that she will come and be at his home at least for a little while, although he had hopes that his home will forever be hers as well in future. That was not to happen, he surmised and left for the mill sadly.

It was ten o'clock. Margaret tried to be indifferent but she was too good for that. Her mind questioned her after all, why she had to visit the woman and the son who had so insulted her without knowing what led her to behave so. Her heart, on the other hand, pulled up every excuse and justification it could, and naturally, she listened to the latter.

The last time she visited the mill house was on the day of the strike. That day, she visited them with nothing more than a neighborly thought. But today, it was different. She would spend some time in his home, just some time, although deep in her heart, she thought how it would be to live with him. The mere thought sent shivers down her spine with a tingle, but the next minute, she sorrowed. She had thrown his love away awfully with her words and haste when he had proposed. Now, it was too late and also he was probably becoming acquainted with another woman…

She shuddered. She didn't wish to imagine him with Miss Latimer. She reasoned that the invitation to visit Mrs. Thornton would have come in order to discuss her terrible bold conversation that day with the Latimers. Mrs. Watson was too good to stay quiet and would have informed her mother of what happened. Obviously.

"That must be it", she thought. "She wishes me to visit her, so that she can tell me straightforwardly not to associate myself with them and especially her son in any way! A disgraceful woman, that I have shown myself to be. Wasn't it? It must be so. Both of us are too good for any sort of meaningful conversation."

"But I will show my face at her door, only for the sake of my mother. I shall keep my promise to her. But one word against my character, and I will not be quiet! I won't tolerate any ill comments of my actions by those who are hardly aware of what led me to do so in the first place".

On the contrary, Dixon grumbled. She never favored the Thorntons and this sudden invitation from the Thornton mother puzzled her. But despite her confusion, she came up to Margaret, ensuring that she looked prim and proper like a proper lady should. Margaret almost laughed at her maid's attention to her looks, when all that would happen was verbal argument and bitter conversation.

At last it was time to set off. Mary just entered the house. She talked to her for a few minutes, fetched her hat, and left her home.

It felt as if she set foot outside her home after so many days, when in truth she had just been out two days ago. She walked briskly. She noticed that people were on their usual chores; men pulling carts and women by the stores. It was just like any other day, and she was thankful that she didn't draw much attention except by some men who looked at her as if they never saw any woman in their lives before.

As she was getting closer to the Marlborough street, her heart was practically skidding madly. She felt nervous by what was to come, although a part of her assured that she can handle any sort of situation that was to come. The real challenge was Mr. Thornton. She kept thinking about his whereabouts, would he be in his mill or have gone out on business? Worse, or maybe for good, would he be present along with his mother? That was still unlikely, as he had made such a nasty remark on her truthfulness just yesterday. A part of her wished to see him, while the other wished that he didn't see her, lest she melt with shame and hurt by his scrutiny.

She had reached the mill gate. The mill grounds were as always in a flurry of activity, with carts and cartons, cotton and children all around doing their chores. Men were busy stocking the bales. She wished to run back home and return again with Mary in tow, just for company. But nah, she didn't want herself to be seen as a timid person and it might be improper to come with Mary.

Mr. Thornton stood by his office window gazing outside with bated breath. He waited to get a glimpse of Margaret. No work was done in the past four hours since he had come to the mill. His mind kept thinking about her arrival, how she would be dressed, and if she was still hurt by his rudeness yesterday.

"Obviously, she would still be hurt, you fool!", his heart screamed at himself.

Just then, he caught her figure, standing daintily by the mill gate. Her hat hid her face. The hat made her look haughty and sometimes even a bit droll. It always caught his attention as did every other detail of her attire. Her small figure continued to stand outside the gate. He was confused as to why she wasn't entering. It was then he realized that she was probably uncomfortable or anxious to come at all. She kept moving back and again turning towards the gate, as if talking to herself.

At last, she entered. The few women and children greeted her. Higgins came to her as well. Mr. Thornton noted his workers to see if they cast a dirty look at her, concerning the Outwood gossip, but thankfully everyone was as normal as they had been. The men tipped their hats to her, but also many heads turned and gazed at her beauty. Mr. Thornton wanted to poke the eyes out of the men, but instead chose to look at her, now carefully climbing the steps to the home. Just then, her eyes caught his.

Margaret tried hard to not look even once towards the mill. She kept her gaze fixed on what was in front of her. To her gratefulness, the workers didn't talk behind her back but smiled at her, and came forward to talk a word or two even. Her heart blossomed at that, knowing that her Princeton friends were at least cordial to her rather than the haughty upper crust people of Milton. She started to climb the steps. Try as she might, she couldn't help but look if the master was there anywhere near the mill. As sly as she tried to be, it was in vain, because she saw the familiar tall and stern figure already staring at her.

Her pale skin turned red in an instant. She felt the heat rushing through her veins and tingling her cheeks. He stood firmly, not turning his gaze away. She saw a hint of a grin in his face, but dismissed the observation as it wasn't possible, after what he was thinking of her now. Most importantly, it was the second instance of her catching him looking at her. Some months ago, she encountered the same scorching stare from him when she was entering the Lyceum Hall while he stood looking at her from the window at the master's club.

Mr. Thornton's heart was pounding with ecstasy when he caught her eyes searching for him, despite her trying to make it seem normal. He suddenly remembered that day when he saw her entering the Lyceum Hall to see her father. He felt that he would faint when at last she saw him eye to eye. She stood white as a sheet, but when he saw her slowly turning red with embarrassment, he felt a sly happiness creeping inside him. To see her blush and still stand like a proud queen! He wanted to laugh and controlled his grin from reaching his ears.

At last, he saw her swiftly enter the house and the valet shutting the door.

He dropped his gaze and sighed. He suddenly saw a handful of his workers including Higgins looking up at him from below. They grinned as well and giggled before seeing his scowl and immediately setting off to their works. It was then that he realized that he and Miss Hale were being watched. He felt embarrassed as well, and saw the faintest of blushes creeping his cheeks.