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Chapter 3 - Not the Only One Who lost

The Kings Head pub was one of Harry's more favourable haunts. It was an old-fashioned pub with low ceilings supported by thick Oak beams. There was a large fire in the middle with spare logs by the side so the locals could keep it going at their own leisure.

He was halfway down his pint staring into the flames when a voice called out to him 'Evening handsome mind if I take a seat?'

He snorted 'You know Tonks, growing up I would have loved for you to call me that. Now it just sounds weird.'

'It would be a bit close to incest wouldn't it. Shame you were such a short, spotty, scrawny kid eh?' She mused smiling.

'That as well as not being hairy enough.' He joked.

Tonks chuckled taking her seat 'Can you still make it to Ted's birthday week after next?'

He smiled 'Yeah, I'm working in London for a change so I'll be there. What does he want to do?'

'Good he'll be ecstatic, he's missed you since Christmas. He wants to go to the zoo, I was thinking of changing that up a little and going to a safari park. What do you say?'

'Sounds great, Longleat's not far from here, I'll book us in if you want?'

'That would be great, thanks.'

They slipped into a comfortable silence, content to watch the flames dance in the fire.

The two of them had sat like this for hours growing up, telling tales in the flickering light, each as outrageous as the next. They had always been close, naturally being a few years older than Harry, Tonks became his first real crush.

After months of tripping around her, stumbling and mumbling as he went, he eventually managed to move on. Not that she ever let him forget it, particularly one episode, where he almost fell down the stairs after she had walked out the bathroom in nought but a towel.

As Harry got older, after Tonks had left school for the Auror academy, they spent hours training together to face the upcoming evil. Harry, Tonks, Sirius, Remus (Sirius' best friend and Tonks' fiancé) and Tonks' parents (Ted and Andromeda) were a small, yet tight knit family.

Unfortunately, the war caught up with them, before Harry could kill Voldemort, Sirius, Remus and Ted were all killed. Their deaths had been hard to take, Harry felt a tremendous amount of guilt, particularly for Remus who would never know his unborn child.

Drowning in his self-imposed guilt, Harry withdrew from the wizarding world. When he was asked to help the Aurors catch the remaining Death Eaters he refused, believing he would only get more people killed.

Not being able to face them, he even left Tonks and Andy, the only family he had. Favouring exile than their judgement on how he had led the others to their deaths. It took six months for Tonks to find him and when she did she found a broken shell of who he had once been.

She was furious with him for leaving and even more so with herself for letting him. She should have known he would blame himself for everything, he'd done it before, only then Sirius had been around to knock some sense into him.

After days of cajoling Tonks finally managed to get him home, where he found out he had been made Undesirable No. 1 by the Ministry. The minister believed his refusal to help track down the remaining Death Eaters meant he wanted to take over Voldemort's place.

The tabloids were all over him, he was hunted by Aurors and citizens alike, even some he had thought of as friends when they were working for the order. Tonks fought to get his name cleared, but the hierarchy wouldn't listen, most of them wanted Harry to receive the dementors kiss without a trial.

Angry, betrayed, Tonks almost quit the Aurors only for Harry to change her mind. She still loved the job itself and it would be handy for him to have an insider so he could evade capture. Over the next few years, thanks to the odd false trail, he faded away from wizarding society.

'I'm sorry I've not been around.' Harry apologised quietly, coming out of his silent reminiscence.

'Don't worry, your work's important.'

'Not as important as family.'

Tonks smiled faintly, 'Kreacher told me about your fight.' Harry stiffened in his seat slightly, guessing he was going to be on the end of a lecture. 'If you had an injury would you really not want to be saved?'

He sighed 'As long as you didn't need magic you could try to save me all you like.'

'Tell me if you could use magic to save me, Teddy or mum from dying would you?' She asked gently.

'Yes.' He replied without thinking.

'Yet you wouldn't allow us to do the same for you?'

'It's not the same.' He muttered taking another swig from his drink. She just stared at him dangerously, her hair turned red as she waited for him to elaborate. 'Maybe you shouldn't change your hair like that in a muggle pub.' He pointed out trying to deflect the conversation.

Her continued glare was proof enough it hadn't worked. 'Come on Tonks, I did what I set out to do.'

'So what? It's over? Nothing left?'

'If it wasn't for you and Teddy I would have disappeared. Maybe it's for the best if I went anyway.'

'You can't mean that.' She said almost desperately. 'You're talking as if we would be better off without you.'

'You would be.' He said bitterly 'Let's face it, everyone I cared about has ended up dead at some point.'

'So, you don't care about me and Teddy.'

'That's not what I meant, and you know it.' He snapped. 'If the ministry knew that you knew me, they would have your job and worse.'

'That doesn't mean I'm going to let you walk away.' She said viscously 'I almost lost everyone too or don't you care about that.'

That hit like a slap to face 'Dora…'

'Don't Dora me.' She hissed venomously. 'You're not the only one who can't handle losing someone else you know. You're our only family too.'

He hung his head in shame 'I know.'

'You might regret surviving that war.' She said gently 'But I'm glad you came back, I couldn't have lost Remus, Sirius and you. I've never forgiven myself for their deaths never mind adding yours to it.'

'It wasn't your fault.'

'I should have been fighting with you.'

'You were pregnant!'

'I know, it's only that thought and the fact I got my little brother back that kept me sane.' Tonks had tears in her eyes now 'We've both been lonely since the war, imagine what it would have been like without each other.'

He pulled her into an embrace wrapping his arms around her tightly. 'I'm sorry.'

'I know, it still doesn't change your mind about the no magic though does it?' She said clinging to him.

'No, but I promise I'm not looking for death. Just not clinging to life.'

'Maybe if you found yourself a girlfriend you would start.' She teased lightening the mood a little.

'Come on who would take this short, scrawny, speccy git eh?'

'Ah you're not so scrawny anymore.' She said pulling away and reaching for her pint.

'Is that so?' he said wryly.

'Shame you can't do anything about your face though.' She smirked.

'Luckily you can.' He said grinning as they clinked their glasses together.