The weeks were passing quickly as she now fell into a simple day to day routine. She would shoot at the range with Legolas and then depending on the others they would all eventually go to eat. Then she would spend the rest of her day resting and exploring Rivendell. It was truly breath taking that much she knew. She was now near the end of the two week stretch and although she was getting more comfortable around her companions she still felt unease around them. This unease was specifically worse when it came to Boromir. She noticed however this time Legolas was not at the range and the only person in the training yard was Boromir. He smiled at her and approached.
She turned on her heel and almost instantly moved to leave. He walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder trying to stop her from leaving. "Now I know you may think awful of me, but believe me I am sorry for any harsh words we have exchanged" he spoke holding her there. He was shocked when he found that she twisted his arm and hit him hard with the blunt of her blade she had concealed under her cloak.
"I am sorry, but I do not remember giving you permission to touch me" her tone was icy. He had released his grip on her and now realized to his horror how bad it might look that he tried to stop a woman from leaving his presence while alone.
"Please do not take that as any type of advance" he backed away. He lowered his gaze away from her "I was simply trying to see if we could have some type of companionship during our travels". He went to leave and noticed that he heard her clear her throat.
"That is fine. We can talk just stand a foot or so away. Do not touch me" he noticed it now. It was not anger in her voice at all. The icy tone had only been a mask. The real emotion behind her actions was fear.
"I am very sorry again my lady" he muttered again. "Hmm, what could we talk of" he mused. A grin broke out of his face and he beheld her. "Let us talk of our home lands and there beauty" he said as he held a hand over his heart. He sat on the grass. She sat on the grass a great distance away from him and he noticed how self conscious she looked. "Gondor is something to behold. From the landscape and then to Minas Tirith" he leaned back on the palms of his hands. "I know it may be hard to imagine, but imagine the grander of a large white city held in walls. The people all milling about as they move amongst businesses. Music often fill the air and truthfully there is always a friend to be made". She nodded at his description and she could almost imagine white walls enrapturing a city of white itself. "Children roam free and everyone has a place there" he spoke happily.
"It does sound wonderful" she said gently at the idea. She felt though if she visited it might make her feel small. "Rohan is less organized" her words were a soft lull. "It is wild and ferocious, but that is where it is most beautiful. Rohan changes with the tides and the spirits of it's people are strong and unyielding. They withhold in all times of war, they with hold harsh winters, and distant land. We are spread out dotted around in small villages. Edoras is homely just like our villages. Wood is the decoration of choice rather then stone. People live simple lives there and love fierce conviction. Truly it is the freedom and strength from those who fight on the give Rohan it's beauty" she smiled as she let her mind wander to her family. "I think our homelands are very different".
Boromir was touched by how beautiful her words were. He could not help, but feel he saw that very same beauty in the woman before him. He took a moment to observe her. She was tan with green eyes that were striking. Her blonde hair now loose in the wind coming to the small of her back. The one thing he noticed and he knew not to ask about was the bandage that peaked from under her dress. "Truly it sounds like you have a love for your people just the same as I do mine". He smiled at her and laughed a little. "You also have a similar love for your family as I do mine" he spoke gently. "I love my little brother with everything that I have. Faramir I try to achieve for everyday to lessen his burdens. I just hope that this quest will help stop the pain I see for my brother and my people" his voice sounded grim.
"I would say it will, but I can not be sure of it" she said simply. "I understand wanting to do your best for your family, but remember being your own person is also important. Sometimes it is not what they want, but rather what they need that matters" she looked up at the sky contemplative. "What of your parents?" she asked casually.
"My mother passed a long time ago and my father" he looked tense about the topic. "My father places very little faith in Faramir and to much in me. He asks to much of me and sees Faramir as lesser. I do not wish to displease my father, but the more I achieve his wishes the higher his demands".
"And the more he thinks little of your brother" she said simply. "I have seen that one many times between siblings" she was still staring at the sky avoiding all eye contact. "I do understand harsh standards perhaps more then you do" he had been lazily looking at the sky until that snapped him back to reality. "Being royal is not all it is cracked up to be" she muttered into nothingness. "You may understand as you are the son of a steward, but even then should Aragon decide to take up his place do you not have an option to stop?". "I do not have an option to stop being cousin to the King or even the future king to come. I am expect to me certain standards that are now above my ability to meet" she reached her bandaged arm up in front of her. "Want to know what happened?" she finally locked eyes with him. He felt his blood run cold at the way her eyes looked at him. She looked at him with eyes that looked dead inside.
"If you wish to tell me" he shifted out of discomfort. She had actually never told anyone about her arm not even her own cousins she held so dear. She rolled up her sleeve to her bandaged arm. "What is a standard do you think most women are expected to meet? Specifically those of royal blood in order not to bring shame?" she spoke her voice a whisper.
"Beauty?" he questioned his eyes now locked to hers again. Gray stared into green for a moment as she nodded her head confirming his assumption.
"Amongst other things" she slowly unwrapped her arm. "Chastity is another, humility, and in Rohan strength is valued as well" her eyes would not leave his. "I made the lucky mistake of angering the king or should I say the white wizards spy". Her red burns that stretch from thumb to elbow bumpy and disfigured were now there for him to see. "You see I would not let him have my cousin Eowyn" she leaned back again into the grass. "I believe that is what he was promised. To rule over what is left of Rohan and claim Eowyn as his wife. He works to kill all those who would inherit the thrown first that our at least see them banished". Boromir felt as though he was falling from a high cliff. A sense of dread and doom gripped him as he viewed the beautiful woman before him. "That is just the surface of it" her voice cracked now "Before I came to Edoras my parents both passed. Mother having my little brother and for some time father turned sour. That was until he killed himself out of grief for the loss of my mother, but in that time nothing I did was ever enough. I was never a good enough child for him and in his mind the fact that I even bothered to care for my little brother was a slight against him. I very rarely visited my cousins in Edoras before that, but I was forced to move into a brand new hell when father finally ended his life".
"Ho-how did they? Wh-why exactly would they?" he felt a deep sadness burning his soul.
"Grima is advisor to the king and no doubt helping the white wizard keep hold in exchange for Eowyn. He kept sending my cousins Theodred and Eomer on death missions where they always happened to be out numbered. I noticed in these times when the king was not well and my male cousin gone his behavior towards her. Trying to touch her and trying to sneak into her room at night. I took it upon myself to start guarding her and it was working for a time. Until he said that I had been acting" she looked away from him now "like a whore to my cousin whispering that I needed to be punished. That only one thing would stop me from bringing such shame" she held her arm up again. "They used hot water" that was where she left it.
"They burned you with boiling water?" he repeated trying to get the image of her being held down by her kinsmen while they poured scalding water onto her arm. "He claimed it was because of your ... your bringing shame when he only wants to rape your cousin?" he spat now. Rage filled him like he had never experienced before. "Why did no one stop this madness? Why did your cousins not stop it?" he felt himself shaking now.
"They were not around" she spoke simply. "Theoden is not able to even recognize himself anymore let alone me" she was still examining her arm. "You know the real fun part is if something happens to Eowyn who do you think is next?" she mused. "Sometimes when Eowyn seems so unrelenting he almost looks at me contemplative. Truthfully if that was all it was I would bear it for her, but I can not she would be next of kin if it ever should come to pass" she spoke simply. "If it were to make it back to me Eowyn would likely already be dead" he felt his whole body shaking now. He could not hold back his rage at her words.
"I will cleave him in two myself" he breathed out a long harsh amount of air he did not know he had been holding. "Do not ever trade yourself for another" his words sounded forceful. "It is not right" he held his convictions firm on this.
"Hypocritical are we not? Would you not do the same for Faramir if he were to die or you? Would you not take his place?" she smiled at him a knowing look. "Truthfully I am just worried beyond belief at leaving them. I can handle burns just fine. I can't handle the idea that while I am gone he may hurt them. All of them I don't even believe my siblings are off limits" she felt the tears now rushing down my face. "I did not even get to say goodbye" she was trying to compose herself as she felt her tears turning into sobs.
Boromir did not know what possessed him, but he had crossed the space between her and him in seconds. He wrapped his arms around her and watched as she cried into him. "Promise you wont tell them" she said out loud. "They will feel they bare the blame". She sobbed out and he held her rubbing her back gently. He felt so guilty for treating her the way he did. Talking as if she did not know the struggles of war when she lived inside one for years now.
"I will try my lady" he spoke feeling protective over her. She had been slowly losing her will to hide from others and she needed them to understand her. As she felt nothing more then alone holding back these secrets all on her own. With time she felt herself calm down and she sniffled trying to find some composure. As they both sit in the grass her head laid against his chest and his arms wrapped around her. She wondered if even someone as nice as him was capable of viewing her as attractive after they saw her scars. She pulled away gently and rewrapped her arm with ease. "Please do not tell the rest of the fellowship either" she muttered.
"I will hold it close to my heart as long as I shall live. I will not speak of it to them unless you already express it to them and I am aware of it" he held his fist over his heart knowing that this was all he could offer for now. "Should you need it and we can" he looked away from him "If you truly believe your siblings in danger or that Rohan may fall then" he felt himself at a loss for words. Standing up he held out his hand "then I am sure me or Aragorn will make sure you are welcomed safely with your family to Minas Tirith". She felt a flutter in her stomach at his words and she snorted.
Her light laughter shocked him "Of course more bragging" she teased. "Although, I may actually hold you to that" she took his hand being pulled steady onto his feet. "I have decided even if you decided to take the ring I now will not kill you. Cut off your fingers perhaps, but I will not kill you" she giggled at the look of shock on his face. "You are much to nice and stupid of a man for me to do so". He let out a chuckle at her words it made him feel happy that she would say such a thing.
"I guess we are becoming fast friends then Lady Silva" he smiled at her. She nodded and felt herself warming to him. "what are the others up to anyway Lord Boromir?" she asked intrigued. He almost felt shocked by the way she called him lord, but at the same time he felt maybe she was flattering him. He smiled pointing towards the dinning area. They both walked toward the dinning area in silence and Boromir was musing to himself.
"Do you truly believe that...well" he rubbed the back of his "that no one would want to court you?" he asked interested. He was not interested himself, but at the same time could not understand why it would matter all that much. "Well, I guess it depends on the person?" she looked up towards the ceiling now. "Everybody has someone uglier then them I guess?", she snorted. That made him want to vomit the idea of her with some ugly greasy man. He noticed she was laughing happily now.
"Oh, come now all that upset over it. It is truly not that big a deal" she shook her head in mock disappointment. "I mean really how will you ever manage war if this bothers you so" she teased before they could be overheard. Legolas could hear it despite her stopping the conversation before the others could.
"I don't know why you would laugh at it" Boromir was angry at how lightly she was taking things. She leaned her head and back so far back she was now looking him in the face from beneath him. "Simple I would have very little to laugh at if I did not" she then moved back to normal posture. She walked into the dinning hall to see the hobbits stuffing their faces while the rest of the fellowship watched.
"This is your third or fourth meal already little hobbits!" Gimli exclaimed at the hobbits. "Where do you little hobbits even put all of that food?" he asked. Silva smiled at this and waved towards Legolas sitting next to him. "So we are taking to mocking those of small stature today?" she asked the elf an amused look on her face. Legolas rolled his eyes. Gimli laughed and smacked her on the bag.
"If it is not our lady come to greet us" she smiled at him. Then ate some fruit in the peaceful surroundings of her new friends.
"So tell us more about your siblings?" Gimli patted her on the back "or how about thing king?" he asked.
"Why not talk of something else I would much rather hear about these children you call hobbits" she stated staring at them. "We're not children" Marry and Pippin exclaimed. Her brows furrowed as she watched them with amusement knowing she could toy with them a little more.
"Oh, Mei says the same thing all the time" she whispered to Gimli and Legolas in fake whisper. "Just humor them for now". "Yes, I know you are obviously very adult" she smirked at them trying her best not to giggle.
"No, you obviously don't understand hobbits are just like naturally shorter humans. We tend to have nicer dispositions, bigger appetites, and sturdy feet!" Pippin shouted gesturing at his large feet covered in hair.
"Sounds similar to my siblings again, but I see the feet" she popped a raspberry in her mouth. Legolas and Gimli were laughing outwardly. Boromir again held back his laugher as did Aragon now. He only wore a simple smile on his face. "I am only kidding I can tell the differences between you and a child" she sighed waving at the hobbits. Sam and Frodo both looked amused.
"Lady Silva" a evil look came across Mary's and Pippin's faces. "Asking for a friend, but how would our friend know if a girl likes him?" she saw Sam go bright red. "See there is this girl name Rosie back home one of our friends fancy and we were wondering" they hoped to watch for a amusing reaction from her or Sam. Sam was already looking mortified at the idea.
"Oh, I am sorry you both struggle so?" she smirked after implying it was their own struggle. "My advice is to ask" she stated simply. "People over complicate things. Things are normally very black and white. With a few deciding shade of gray in the middle, but when it comes to romance you want a yes or a no. No, maybes are allowed in romance this is recipe for disaster. You also should make clear what you want and your exact intentions from the start. For instance if you want to be married with kids, but she does not you may find a rode block. Simply asking and communicating clearly is the easiest answer" she was staring at Sam with a knowing look. ", but I doubt that any lady should be dumb enough to turn down such sweet hobbits" she smiled at them noticing Marry and Pippin turning red. Sam looked confused and Frodo looked mildly uncomfortable. "I mean how many hobbits go on life changing missions? Then to top it off have very nice manners" she watched them both mutter thanks before she kept eating.
"So you think it is important that the men just ask without any time to know the woman first?" Boromir asked a tone of judgement on her.
"Ah, was waiting for the sexism" she popped another raspberry in her mouth. "Should really unlearn that" she was shocked to see his angered glare. "Let me ask you this do you assume just because a female shows interest in what she wants quickly she is" she pondered the right wording "to easy? If so then is that not your own assumption. You could easily court her for an extended period of time past the first confirmation of affection could you not?" she cocked her head slightly.
"Yes, one could. This would cause one to wonder how many men this woman had done this with. How many she may have sullied herself with" Silva rolled her eyes.
"Ah, the value of a woman in your eyes shows" she pointed out. "Less worthy if you think they may have had previous partners. Men on the other hand can have had hundreds of flings and it is perfectly fine". She continued eating in silence allowing her words to sink in. "The fact is all around it is only a disadvantage to be a woman" with what she had just told him and there conversation now Boromir felt confused. His view on it was not exactly that, but he felt ashamed none the less.
"I do not feel that way. I believe that one should attempt with each partnership to be loyal and to be with someone of a similar experiences" he was eating now as well a smile on his face. "The problem is such behaviors often cause disease to plague cities. It is an unfortunate by product and can even trickle down to innocent people" his words were tough to think off.
"Ah sweet lass not understanding" Gimli said patting her on the back. "Men we are territorial in nature" he spoke as he ate the fruit a glum look on his face. "We want to lay claim to a woman, but a woman who has been with many men can not be the kind of woman who would respect that kind of a claim. A woman wants to just be with him and no claim is put upon him. Her view point is drastically different even though many men would want a woman to lay claim to them" the dwarf spoke in an almost sage like manner.
She was laughing now 'Ah, that is my point" she poked him on the cheek. "That is viewing a woman as property or an object for your sole use. Like a house or your favorite pair of pants. That is not how you are meant to be towards people. If you claim to care for someone all you should want is what makes them happy. There are many times of relationships other then the norm that revolve around this idea, but the reason they work is because the other persons happiness matters most" she smiled at the dwarf. "Truly when to people care about each other in that way it is their happiness that brings your happiness. Your happiness brings theirs in the same way then your emotions become almost one and the same. Truly if I loved someone and they wanted to lay with others I would just not be with them, but I would not think lesser of them" she felt an affection growing for the small party rather quickly.
Legolas smiled at this comment "You have similar beliefs in love as the elves do" he spoke an intrigue picking up in his voice. "Elves believe after their many years love is undying and unending. One can have more then one love, but it does not matter as long as one truly each time devotes themselves to that other partner with their whole being" she nearly turned red. She noticed how his hand lay on the small of her back for a moment. Her heart thundering like a drum. The small table seeming almost to close in quarters now. She still nodded her head at his statement.
"The hardest part about love truly" she spoke softly now. "Is knowing you love the other, but also finding out if they love you" she noticed how Aragorn's eyes were glazed during this conversation. She smiled a knowing look on her face. "Those who find it are very lucky indeed" she faked a yawn and stood up. Legolas's hand that had been rubbing circles in her back now gone. "Well I am going to go read a book and have a nice nap. Thank you for the lovely conversation Gimli" she stood and exited the area her face still red as a cherry. She walked into her small quarters it was her last day here in Rivendell and she felt herself nervous. After reading for a while she heard a small knock on her door. When she opened it slowly she saw Legolas with a look she could only think of as carnal like an animal hunting its pray.
"Lady Silva" he reached out grabbing a loose lock of hair and bringing it to his lips. "I wanted to speak with you more about love and how we elves like to show it" the corners of his mouth ticked up. She felt her anxiety build and she moved to grab her things.
"Alright just a-" she turned around and he was now in the room the door closed with a gentle click behind him. She watched him with apprehension as he crossed the room again toying again now with her loose hair. He had her standing right next to her bed where all her things were strewn across.
"I am coming to feel things for you, but" he was now leaning in her ear his hot breath against it. "I love others as well and do not believe in such falsehoods in love. I can be yours if you like, but I may lay with others that I feel a pull towards" she moved backwards now. "Would you be against that" he was looking into her eyes with mirth.
"I-I-I" she felt tears nearly falling as the anxiety began to grip her. "I struggle with that idea" she held her hand to his chest giving a light push. "I-I need y-you to leave pl-please" he saw it now and felt guilt. She was scared of him being this close. He got down to his knee staring up at her and looked deeply in her eye.
"You have such trauma's that I fear you will not tell me" he spoke gently as he saw the tears slide down her face. "I wish I could take them all away and I want nothing more then to bring you pleasure" he wiped a tear away now. ", but I realize now that your scars may be deeper then what is on your arm. Do you feel unworthy or even scared at the face of such affections?" his words were soft and understanding. "My lady" he continued to wipe her tears as her eyes stayed close "Silva?" he repeated. She now opened her eyes to him and he smiled. "I do not require your affections back for me to care for you" he smiled up at her "I do not require you to be able to provide sexual affections either" he made sure this was stated with a firm tone. "You are my friend and there for I have a love in my heart for you. That is the type of love we elves treasure" she smiled at him now.
"I am sorry" her words upset him as his brow furrowed. "I naturally get scared if affections are shown towards me and I bid you not ask why" her voice was small and cracking as she spoke. Legolas stood now his full height towering over her.
"I would like to comfort you more, but" he stared down at her now her green eyes intense with their emerald color shinning. "I fear I may scare you worse" he cupped his hand to her cheek. She flung herself into a hug and he smiled as she sobbed into his cloak.
"Comfort and friendship is fine. I will feel scared no matter what" her words seemed to hang in the air. ", but it eases my mind to have you as a friend. I am just not ready fo-for th-that" she was bright red again. Legolas smiled down at her placing a kiss on top of her head.
"Forgive me my lady for I assumed you were" he felt a fondness develop towards her. "Your honesty is refreshing and I find your beauty enamoring. I wish you would open up the rest of the way to me for I just wish to prove to you that you are beautiful and worthy. Worthy of that of even an elvish prince" he spoke rubbing circles into the small of her back again.
"I wish that were true" she whispered ", but I know you would see how I look and find me disgusting. If not then you would see something else" her breathing increased as she felt panic grip her.
"I would never look down on one so strong and beautiful as you" he ran his fingers threw her hair he had unclipped. As he tried to soothe her gently he felt her breathing slow. "I can prove it to you" he spoke gently into her hair. "Let me see all of you and I will not touch you in any way other then the way I touch you now, but I will still let you know how beautiful you are" he felt her move back. "You do not have to of course" he spoke to her looking into her now terrified eyes. Shock took him as he watched her begin to pull her dress above her head. He saw the planes of her stomach and where her skin became almost as white as milk. Her long legs stood exposed and she already looked so nervous. She looked so shy, but what he did not expect was her to start unraveling her bandaged arm. His breath hitched as he saw her arm burned and battered. She was looking away tears flowing down her face. As he looked at her arm he knew these burns could not be an accident starting slightly below her thumb going to he elbow. A full 360 degrees of her arm in that area was bumpy and red. He was back on his knees again looking into her eyes with a calm anger that made him wish nothing, but death on those who hurt her.
"Tell me what pains you beautiful lady" he spoke as he kissed her on the cheek. His eyes were like a storm as he held her gaze. "Please trust me" he spoke as gently as he could almost as if scared she would fall apart in his touch. Her bound breasts and small undergarments now made her feel exposed. She was now looking away and was holding her breath.
"All?" she asked the question simple, but still it held an impact on him "or some of it?" he felt himself stiffen at the idea. He felt a growl pass threw him and he wrapped his arms around her.
"All of it" he said as the growl wracked threw him. "Please tell me all of it" he spoke softer now noticing her stiffen. She was now on the bed sitting with him holding her and she felt nothing, but confusion.
"I have yet to tell anyone all of it" she spoke slowly "and I hold fear that you will see me as lesser when I do" Legolas held her gaze and shook his head.
"I could never my friend" and he felt her draw in a long shutter.
"I guess I should start with my parents. My father was not a good man" she was staring anywhere, but at him. "He married into royalty and had me. Then came my siblings, but he always was hard on my mother. I fear that the extent of her suffering may have been hidden from me" her hands were placed over her heart. "Every time she birthed a child it made her ill, but he seemed to not care" she felt her vision swimming now with the tears. "For he wanted a son more then anything and when my little brother was born mother passed away shortly after. I was to take her place" she spoke softly not wanting to look at him. "I took care of the children and the home, but that is not what I mean by take her place" Legolas's eyes widened in horror. She began sobbing all over again "he never remembered most of what he did as he would be so drunk by the time he acted, but when he woke one morning to find me in his bed brutalized by him" she was shaking all over. "He took his life and I was sent from there to Edoras" Legolas felt guilt now as he looked upon her. "He is the only person I have been with" his rage was rekindled at these words. "When I arrived to my cousins at Edoras the change in Theoden had already began. I tried to keep my head down, but when I noticed" she chanced a look into his eyes now seeing the angry storm clouds that were forming. "how he treated Eowyn I felt like I had to help her. Eomer and Theodred in their spare time trained me and I in mine guarded our princess" she saw an understanding form on his face. "The person I was protecting her from controls the king now" she spoke in a whisper. "When he finally got angry with me and decided simple punishments were not sufficing he decided to come up with an excuse to have the king order" she held up her arm in front of her "this" she was sobbing again. "Every time they beat me was nothing compared to it" her words made his heart shatter. "I screamed for mercy and in hopes my cousin would hear me, but he does not recognize even himself anymore" he almost felt she was done. "They boiled water and held my arm so that I could not pull away. I was not tended to or cared for after that. They wanted it to scar because in their own words it was so that no man would ever want the likes of me" now she was silent.
Legolas held her gaze and began to cry himself. The few stray tears fell onto her face. "I am sorry my lady for not understanding your pain" he held her there beneath him "I have scared you, but I want to tell you something before I go" he looked over her. "There is no woman on this earth I have ever wanted more" he whispered into her ear "then you". She felt tears spring up and she held him to her for a moment uncaring of how close he was. "You are beautiful and strong do not forget this my friend" he gently kissed her on the cheek before pulling away. "Please do not feel shame and if you would have me I would even consider having you for a wife" with those words he was gone. Slipping back out the door from whence he came. Boromir passing by on the other side and looked accusatory.
His protective nature reared into action as he walked toward Legolas "Elf if I find you have hurt her in any way" he spoke with a lethal tone in his voice.
Legolas smiled and patted Boromir on the back "Don't worry I think we all will come to feel the same" with that he walked off. Then shortly after so did Boromir leaving an emotionally confused Silva laying in her bed. Sleep took her and she dreamt for the first time of the possibilities of love.