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Chapter 18 - Secrets

Sweating and exhausted, Harry and Ginny collapsed into the bed panting next to each other. Smiling Ginny curled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder, Harry wrapped an arm around her to pull her as close as possible.

'That was… amazing.' He managed to breathe out.

'Yeah, what took us so long?' Asked Ginny breathlessly.

'Me being a stubborn prat probably.' He muttered.

Ginny's lip curled upwards. 'How long have you wanted to?'

'I realised when I went after you on the night the shop got attacked.' He answered honestly. 'Although it was brewing before that.'

'Hmmm.' She hummed. 'For me it was when we went flying with Teddy. I really enjoyed that day.'

Harry gently kissed her temple. 'That was a good day, we should go more regularly.'

'I'd like that.' She looked up from her perch to see his face. 'What are you going to do when all this is over?'

'How do you mean?' He asked carefully.

'When we catch the murdering bastard and anyone helping him. What are you going to do?' A quick flash of relief passed over his face. 'You didn't think I meant over between us did you?'

'I hoped not, but I wasn't sure.' Admitted Harry. 'I'm still getting over the fact you didn't arrest me when I told you I was Harry Potter.'

Ginny snorted. 'If I didn't know you, I would have done. Even then I was tempted, so I could force a trial to clear your name.' She scrunched up her nose. 'Good job I didn't really otherwise you would have been in Azkaban sooner.'

'And you with me no doubt.' Harry started playing with her hair gently as he spoke. 'I'm sorry for almost jumping to conclusions but this isn't a passing thing for me.'

'What the case or us?' Interrupted Ginny in a sweet voice.

'The case.' Answered Harry as if there was no other answer.

'Oh good I thought you were about to go all mushy.'

Harry chuckled. 'Seriously though, I want to make a proper go of it. I don't think I could take this being a one-night stand.'

Ginny rolled on top of him so they were nose to nose. 'It's not.' She promised. 'I've never felt this way about anyone. I feel good for the first time in a long time.'

'Why weren't you before?'

A devilish smile spread across Ginny's lips. 'I'll answer on one condition.'

'Go on.'

'You answer a question of mine after.'

'Seems fair.' Said Harry nodding. 'Tit for tat and all that.'

'Quite.' She pecked him quickly on the lips before rolling off and snuggling back into his side. 'After I was taken down to the chamber, when I had the diary, it was sort of leaked that I was the one opening it, and everyone was a little…' She paused pondering what to say. 'Let's say shy of me to be kind, I think they were all afraid of me.'

Harry stayed silent and let her continue. 'It didn't help that I was blaming myself too…'

'It wasn't your fault.' blurted out Harry quickly.

'I know that now, but at the time I was distraught. I wasn't eating properly and I avoided the great hall when it was busy, eating early or late depending on when I got up. My brothers tried to help but they didn't know how and I don't blame them for that, I felt dirty, corrupted.'

She took another deep breath. 'I suppose I never got over it. Bill helped, the summer after the chamber we visited him in Egypt. He sat me down and talked with me about everything, he even started to teach me occlumency so I could get peace of mind again. That helped and I started making friends, yet there was always a feeling that I was contaminated in some way.'

'You're not contaminated.' Promised Harry, dropping a quick peck on the top of her head.

'Easy for you to say.' She muttered.

'We'll see.' Shrugged Harry.

Ginny eyed him speculatively for a minute before settling back down and continuing. 'Then came the dating saga.'

'Saga?' Chortled Harry.

'Hush. Yes saga, as much as I hated Tom Riddle I almost hated you more.'

'Why?' Asked Harry intrigued. 'Surely you wanted to be saved.'

'I did, but I thought I imagined you, no one told me who rescued me, I thought you were something my mind made up. This perfect hero who rescued me like some fairy tale.'

'I'm not perfect.'

'I know but in that moment you were. You risked your life to save me and almost died in the process, not to mention you have the most brilliant green eyes.' Harry blushed slightly, making her chuckle. 'To say the least I was quite smitten with you, I couldn't get you out of my head. So, when I was dating someone, I would always compare them to you and none of them stacked up. The only serious boyfriend I've really had was Dean and that didn't end well.'

'What happened?' Asked Harry intrigued.

'He tried to coddle me. Wanted me to stay at home and be a house witch doing nothing but being a baby making machine.'

'Why did you start dating him in the first place then?'

'Oh, he was sweet at first. At one point I even thought I loved him, looking back though there was always something not right. I could fly circles around him and he hated it, hated the fact that I can do things on a broom he would never dream of. When I decided not to join the Harpies…'

'You almost played for the Harpies?' Harry interrupted gobsmacked.

'Yeah, I got offered a contract.' She answered nonchalantly.

'Bloody hell, why didn't you take it? It would have been amazing!'

'It didn't feel right.' Ginny admitted sadly. 'The war was just over, and I felt like I needed to contribute to the rebuilding of our world. Hence the Aurors.'

'I think you're mad.'

'I'm lying in bed with you, course I'm mad.'

'Touché.'

'Anyway.' Continued Ginny, a little exasperated. 'When I told Dean I wasn't going to be in the Harpies he was ecstatic thinking I was going to be his perfect trophy wife, when I set him straight about the Aurors we had a massive row which resulted in us breaking up. He tried to grovel his way back but I was done with him, then I met you.'

She shifted so they were nose to nose again. 'When I met you, for the first time I forgot about the green-eyed boy in the chamber. I actually enjoyed being around you and it hurt when you didn't tell me your secret straight away which is why I went off like a bottle of pop.'

'I'm sorry.' He breathed.

'I know, I shouldn't have held it against you as I did though, I should have just declined to work with you and left it as that, I was just so angry. Then I saw you having a nightmare and my heart broke. I had in my head that you were this confident character who thought he knew everything, that was when I realised you were acting. Everything was to keep people at arms-length.' She rested her hand on his cheek idly.

'I talked you through your nightmare calming you down and decided there and then that I wanted to help you. I wanted to get to know you despite what you were hiding, I like you and figured it couldn't be too bad. So, kudos for proving me wrong on that point.'

Harry snorted. 'Thanks.'

'Then I fell for you again, the real you though, not the night in shining armour you. You made me forget all about him, I didn't even twig when you showed me your eyes whilst revealing your identity for the first time.'

'Well I am quite the catch.' He smirked.

Laughing Ginny shoved him playfully. 'I'm serious. Now it's your turn.'

'Go on then.' Harry sighed playfully. 'What do you want to know?' For the first time Ginny looked genuinely nervous. She shifted slightly and moved to roll off the top of him. Harry held on to her firmly. 'Just ask, I promise I'll answer.'

'Why did you say dying isn't the worst thing that ever happened?' She asked, biting her lip nervously as she waited for a response.

Harry gave her a slight smile. 'This is a long story, so I'll try to condense it, all I ask is you hear me out until the end ok?' Ginny nodded. 'Do you know what the diary really was? What was inside it?'

She tilted her head at him curiously. 'No, no one told me. All I know is that it belonged to someone called Tom Riddle who was later outed as Voldemort. What does this have to do with everything?'

'You have to understand what that was, in order to understand what happened to me. I was just hoping to cut some of the things I need to tell you, have you ever heard of a horcrux?'

'Bill's mentioned them I think, he wouldn't go into details though. He said they were the darkest magic he had ever come across and that's saying something.' Said Ginny thoughtfully.

'He's right, I'm surprised he never told you about them though after the diary, unless he never made the connection. You see the diary was one of Voldemort's horcruxes.'

'Ok.' Said Ginny hesitantly. 'What are they exactly?'

'A horcrux is an object that holds a piece of your soul. If you have a horcrux you can't die unless it is destroyed, it acts as an anchor to the world.' Ginny blanched. 'It's how Voldemort survived the night my parents died.'

'Bloody hell, you said the diary was only one of them?'

'He made seven in the end although he only intended to make six.'

'Seven?' Ginny breathed out mortified. 'Are you sure he didn't make more?'

She's sharp. 'Yes we're sure, we don't think he had enough soul left to split leaving him in danger of dying anyway. That's what I was doing in the last year leading up to the war with Sirius, Remus and Tonks. Although when she fell pregnant, we stopped her coming on missions, it wasn't worth the risk.'

'What were they?' Asked Ginny.

'The horcruxes?' She nodded her confirmation. 'The diary, a ring that belonged to the Peverell family, a locket that belonged to Slytherin, Hufflepuffs cup, Ravenclaws lost diadem and his snake Nagini were the ones he meant to make.'

'And the one he didn't?' pressed Ginny when Harry hesitated.

Harry gulped audibly. 'Me.'

'What?' Blurted out Ginny,

'I was, he never knew, at least not until it was too late.'

'Merlin.' Whistled Ginny. 'How did you turn out so well?'

Harry snorted humourlessly. 'I'm racking up my own body count you know, you sure I actually did?' Harry's felt sullen as the guilt started to take hold. 'Maybe there's some of him still alive after all.' He breathed out quietly to himself.

'There's not. You were forced into the role of soldier and executioner because of Tom Riddle, you are nothing like him.'

'That's the thing I am like him. Much like you and the diary I got to know Tom Riddle, due to me harbouring a piece of his soul we had a kind of connection. I would see into his mind when I slept, especially when neither of us knew the connection existed and he didn't use occlumency to stop me.'

Harry gazed sightlessly at the ceiling shaking slightly as he spoke. 'I could feel his emotions through the bond, even when I was awake and over time I developed the ability to get into his head at will. I felt it all from him: anger when one of his servants disappointed him, pleasure at the falling frame of a vanquished foe, an endless thirst for knowledge, the frustration when someone wouldn't give up the information he needed…'

Ginny rolled off the top of him and pulled him into a fierce embrace, determined to never let him go. 'I don't know how you lived with that.' She whispered, running her hands through his messy hair and rubbing circles on his back.

'I didn't have a choice. It was too good a weapon to pass up.' Harry's eyes closed with Ginny's ministrations. 'Although I was glad to get rid of it.'

'How do you destroy a horcrux?' Asked Ginny curiously.

'With great difficulty.' Groused Harry. 'it's not enough to just snap the thing in half, you have to break it beyond repair. Basilisk venom and fiendfyre are the two main ways although I believe there are others. The owner may also rebind the soul fragment back to their soul however doing so would take a great deal of pain and true remorse.'

'I take it you couldn't convinced Riddle to show remorse?' Commented Ginny dryly.

'No, it wasn't really in his repertoire.' Admitted Harry, before falling silent for a few minutes, deep in contemplation on how to answer the initial question. He sighed heavily deciding on the truth. 'I never told anyone how I removed the piece of soul from myself or how I survived. Not even Tonks.'

'You don't have to tell me.' Said Ginny quietly.

'I know, but for some strange stupid reason I want to.' He mumbled, still with his eyes closed, causing him to miss the radiant smile that spread from Ginny's lips. 'During the final battle at the Ministry, Voldemort offered me the chance to surrender. Claimed he would spare the lives of everyone else if I did.'

'Bullshit.' Hissed Ginny.

'I know but we were losing badly.' Whispered Harry. 'It felt like the only way, Sirius and Remus were already dead along with countless others. I didn't want to go on, I was done. I knew I had to die and the only horcrux left other than me was the snake.'

Ginny's grip somehow tightened. 'It's a good job I didn't know you then, I would have killed you if this goes the way I think it does.' She growled.

'They had set up in the department of mysteries, next to the veil of death.' Ginny shuddered involuntarily. The room was fittingly known as the death chamber and was the home of countless executions throughout the decades. 'Walking the halls of the Ministry under my invisibility cloak felt like being a ghost floating through a world I no longer belonged in. It was a surreal.

'It felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Regardless of what my mind thought, my body was aching for me to run. There was still that animalistic need to survive.'

'Surely that's a good thing.' Said Ginny incredulously.

'Not really. It just made me feel weak. I was ready to die Ginny, I hated the fact there was a part of me that wanted to live, even with that evil inside of me.' Said Harry sadly.

'It's not wrong to want to live.' Said Ginny comfortingly. 'It's not weakness.'

'It felt like it, it was tough.' Choked Harry. 'After what felt like hours, I finally reached the room. Voldemort was stood in the middle of a circle of Death Eaters. Giving a speech on how disappointed he was that I hadn't turned up. He was expecting me, and he didn't think I would drag it out.

'I walked over to the ring and he suddenly fell quiet. His red eyes saw me approaching and the death eaters separated so we were facing each other. I didn't make a move, didn't try to run, go for a wand or anything. Just stood there.' Harry finally looked up and shifted so they were on their sides, nose to nose.

'All I remember is his lips moving and a flash of green light. I don't know what he said or even how long it took to say it. I can't even remember hitting the ground.'

'How did you survive?' Asked Ginny, her voice barely a breath as she trailed her hand over his cheek.

'I, I don't really know. The crux of it I think is that Riddle used my blood to resurrect himself in his new body. That meant I had a choice.' He paused to wet his lips before clarifying. 'I got to choose between life or death.'

'Well I'm glad you chose life.' Said Ginny, smiling.

A guilty expression flitted across Harry's face and a tear leaked from the corner of his eye. 'I've not always felt that way. For a long time I thought I'd made the wrong choice…'

'How-' Ginny started to interrupt.

'Please Gin, let me explain.' Ginny nodded reluctantly, with a sniff. 'I was transported to this place, I don't know whether it was real or if my mind made it up. It was lit in a bright white light and it took the form of the first place I lived with Sirius. It was a nice house in Cannock Chase, really remote and the most amazing scenery you can imagine.

'I walked through the house to the living room where I found Sirius waiting for me in his favourite armchair. He just grinned at me and asked how I'd survived so long without him, the git had only been dead for an hour.' Ginny snorted. 'We spoke about all kinds of crap to be honest. Then he lamented on never getting to watch Remus and Tonks' son grow up.'

Harry shifted slightly and rolled back onto his back so that he was facing the ceiling. He felt Ginny rest her head on his shoulder. 'I gave him the update on the Voldemort situations and told him now there was a chance someone could beat him, that's when he gave me this strange look. I asked him about it and then he explained I had the choice to stay or go.'

Harry smiled ruefully. 'He joked that if I was really gone surely my mom and dad would have made it, not just him.'

'How was he there?' Asked Ginny.

'Either I imagined him or he hadn't quite gone on yet as he was only just dead.'

'Which would you prefer?'

'That he just hadn't moved on. At least that way I'll see him and my parents again.' Admitted Harry quietly.

'It's a comforting thought.' Said Ginny softly.

'Yeah it is.' Said Harry. 'I really wanted to stay there, I was adamant I was done. I've never felt so peaceful, there was no worry there, no violence. Just peace.'

'Why did you come back then?'

'Sirius punched me. Then proceeded to tell me that I had to go back, he argued that no one else could beat Riddle and that Tonks would need me. The real kicker though was when he told me he raised me to have a life and he wanted me to have one after Riddle was dead.'

The pain in his voice caused Ginny to stir again. 'You were braver to come back than go in the first place.'

'Maybe.' Admitted Harry. 'After a heated argument I agreed to go back. If only to make sure someone would kill Voldemort. Once we won the battle I couldn't handle it, the guilt of all those we had lost. I felt like I should have died, no one else got the choice so what made me so special.'

'You can't blame yourself for that.'

'I can Ginny, Remus never got the chance to meet his son, along with countless other people who had more to live for than me.'

'Maybe at the time, but no one deserved a shot at life more than you.' Argued Ginny. 'You had your family and your childhood taken away from you by evil, you deserve your chance.'

Harry snorted. 'You and Sirius would've gotten on, he said much the same.'

'You don't believe him do you?'

'I didn't.' Corrected Harry. 'I never thought I would get the life he wanted for me, never really believed in happily ever after and spent a lot of time trying to get myself killed. Not that I would ever let someone kill me, I had just enough fight in me to make sure I continued fighting until the end.'

'You're speaking about this as if somethings changed.' Said Ginny, taking one of his hands in hers and intwining their fingers.

'It has. I'm just praying I don't fuck it up.'

'Just promise me one thing.' Ginny pulled herself up to straddle his lap. 'Make sure you always choose to come home.'

Harry smiled up at her. 'I promise, I'll go through hell if I have to.'