Seinfeld: "Prognosis-NEGATIVE!"
Summary: Flying to London with older Elaine (following the action of "The Number and Address of the Beast", George (the Vampire "Say is it with a y or an I, Elaine?" "Y?" giggle… "If you're Danish, George."), tells her his idea for a new version of the lousy horror film the gang had once been eager to see…
Part III…
George in wheelchair, insistent on investigating the room and area described by the hapless and erratic Kramer, over the heartfelt pleas of concern of his friends...Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine Benes, along with said hapless Kramer.
"George, I fear, despite your incredible natural physique and normally amazing stamina, that you're risking your hope of recovery, old friend." Jerry noted. "Pray let us reserve these investigations for another day when you've had time to recover from your injuries to some extent."
"Nay, my friend." George shook head, grabbing hospital gown and pulling back to cover exposed area… "The trail is still warm now, but will fade soon. If there is anything to our distraught friend's wild tale, those behind such monstrous dark works will quickly take steps to conceal their actions if they have not already..."
"But Kramer's tales...No offense, K-man..." movie Elaine noted. "Are pretty wild...How can we put any stock in them, especially given his wild antics of the past? And at risk of your health, as Jerry said?"
"I have had pretty wild past antics..." Kramer agreed, trying to smooth wild hair… "But I swear on my mother, Babs, I speak the truth here."
"Well, as Sherlock Holmes has often said, when the impossible is eliminated, the other stuff is probably true." George noted.
"I think that's when you eliminate the impossible only the improbable remains and that must be the solution, George." Elaine noted.
"Elaine, I think our George is the investigative detecting expert here..." Jerry shook head, censorious stare.
"Hmmn...You're right...Sorry, George." Elaine agreed.
"Here, this is the floor and hallway..." Kramer peered. "The pig man is right down that hallway, the third door on the right."
"Yes...I see..." George nodded shrewdly. "Come, friends...Lets see what lies behind door number three..." They moved on down the hall, Jerry pushing George's chair.
"There it is...The lair of the pig man." Kramer pointed.
"Well, shall we?" George, motioning for Jerry to push him boldly to the door.
"Not locked yet, I see." he noted, nodding. "And we...Enter..." Pushing door open.
"Excuse me?" a tall, quite attractive, dark-haired woman in nurse's outfit with a rather...Spectacular…
["Hey!" Molly/Susan glaring.
"You mean that girl of Jerry's? Sidra Holland? The one I...Felt?" Elaine stared.
"What?" Molly/Susan stared.
"It was an accident in the sauna. I fell...Right..."
"On them?" Molly/Susan blinked.]
...Bosom.
["Yep, that's her." Elaine nodded.
"George?" grim look from Molly/Susan.
"Sex sells...Sue me." he sighed. "Besides, she's one of the bad guys here."]
"What are you people?" Het-humm...Up here, boys… "...Doing here, in this room?"
"We want the pig man, sister." Kramer noted, sternly.
"The what?" the woman stared. "This room is off limits, we've just finished cleaning it after a highly infectious patient was transferred. I must ask you to leave...Hello there." to Jerry's beaming smile.
"Hello...There..."
Jerry...Elaine, George, Kramer sighing in unison.
"I'm Claire Holland...Nurse Claire Holland." she smiled. Behind her, at the bed, busying himself with moving some IV equipment, Claude watched, trying not to be seen too long.
"Jerry Seinfeld. Really sorry to upset your routine...My friend here is a bit insane."
"I am not insane!" Kramer glared.
"I'm Elaine and this is George." Elaine cut in, glaring at Jerry.
"Hello, Miss." George nodded.
"Hey. So your friend here..." Nurse Claire paused.
"Kramer, Cosmo Kramer..." Kramer nodded.
"Yes, Mr. Kramer...Thinks he saw a 'pig man' in here?" the nurse eyed them in turn.
"I did see a pig man. And you moved him out..." Kramer insisted.
"We simply wanted to put our friend's concerns to rest..." George noted. "And what with me being a patient at your fine hospital, we thought, well, why not check out his strange tale..."
"I see...Well, there's been no 'pig man' in this room. Your friend is mistaken. Perhaps some of the equipment, the way the former patient was in a tent...But were you actually in here earlier?" she eyed Kramer.
"I sure was..." Kramer noted.
"Oh, that should never have happened...I think we may have to see to having you tested. I apologize, this is quite a serious breech of quarantine. Claude?" she turned to the attendant. "I think we'll have to admit Mr. Kramer for observation overnight, at least. Could you go call Dr. Lang? We'll need a temporary admission and to sign off on some tests."
"I'm not gonna stay here..." Kramer insisted, moving for the door.
"Oh, I'm afraid it's the law, sir. And for your own protection as well as others..." the nurse noted. "You must stay for a few simple tests. The hospital will cover them, of course."
"I'm not staying here...You're not gonna get me, sister!" Kramer, backing away. Claude moving to block him from the door.
"Do we hafta stay too, we were exposed to Kramer?" Elaine eyed the nurse.
"I don't think you've been exposed seriously but best to stay in the hospital for now. I'd suggest you return with your friend to his room and stay there while I arrange for Mr…?"
"Kramer...No way, Jose." Kramer, moving to the door. The burly Claude now erect in the doorway...
"Please don't make me call Security or the police, sir. I'm truly sorry about this." Nurse Claire smiled at Kramer coolly.
"Well, perhaps if we all stayed here, with our friend...To keep him at ease and making no trouble for you." George noted calmly, with smile. "I'm sure this is a great embarrassment to the hospital and you wouldn't want word spreading and perhaps causing panic."
"I don't know if that's a wise idea..." Claire frowned.
"If the room is thoroughly cleaned, it should be perfectly safe." George smiled.
"You might be at risk if he has been exposed." the nurse eyed him.
"But if he insists on leaving, more people could be exposed." George noted. "We're all willing to take the risk, right guys?"
Uh...Jerry blinking...Elaine eyeing George, then the pleading eyes of Kramer…
"O...K..." she sighed.
"Maybe it'd be best if I stayed out, to keep in touch with our families." Jerry noted hastily.
"Right." Elaine, grimly.
"Well, you'd have to remain on the premises. In Mr. Costanza's room, till we complete tests on Mr. Kramer and the others." Claire noted. "But...If that's ok?"
"I guess I could handle that for a bit." Jerry nodded. "Especially if you'd...Personally...Keep me informed as to my friends' situation."
Elaine, George, Kramer rolling eyes as Nurse Claire smiles.
"Certainly. Claude? While you go call Dr. Lang, escort Mr. Seinfeld back to Mr. Costanza's room?"
"Sure. Come on, buddy." Claude waved Jerry on. Jerry following him out, slight wave to his friends, Elaine giving him a grim stare.
"All right then." Nurse Claire beamed. "Let me get started on arranging those tests and the admissions paperwork." she exited the door, closing. Sound of locking.
"Hey! HEY! Don't lock us in!" Kramer cried. "I'm bustin' outta here, see!" ramming door. "OWWWW..." he collapsed on floor.
"Kramer?!" Elaine went to him. Helping him up to a chair. "Hey, I see a security guard outside, putting tape on the door."
"George? What were you thinking?" Kramer fumed at the unperturbed George in his wheelchair. "Now we're all at their mercy. THEIR mercy."
"Interesting..." George, pondering.
"The phone's not working..." Elaine noted, slamming down the room telephone on its small end table.
"Hey! I want this phone working! Hey, fella!" calling and pounding at the small door window. "Can you believe Jerry left us in here?" Elaine, glaring. "I hope he does catch something...Something gastrointestinal. He hates anything to do with that part of the body, especially if it involves coming up and out."
"George? What do we do now? I'm not gonna let these madmen test me. God knows what kind of 'tests' they'll try." Kramer, nervously.
"Very interesting. The nurse and attendant weren't wearing gloves." George noted. "If this transferred patient was so dangerous why weren't they at least wearing gloves? And why wasn't this room sealed off better?"
"Maybe...Finished cleaning, took a break?" Elaine suggested.
"Or maybe George is on to something and we're each gonna be taken...And never return...Alive." Kramer noted.
"In that case, maybe I don't have to wish anything on Jerry." Elaine noted.
...
"Hey, thanks...Claude." Jerry noted to Claude as he entered George's room.
"Sure. Don't leave." Claude stepped out, quickly locking door behind him.
"Oh, sure...Uh...Hey! Could you check and see if the nurse is gonna come by soon? Really like to discuss the situation with her! Claude?!" Tap at locked door's window.
Hmmn...Ah, phone...He went to it. Uh-oh...No dial tone.
George, you did show them your insurance with the Yankees still has all summer to run when they brought you in? He took seat.
I wonder if this gets the channel the Superman movie is on today? He eyed the TV set.
…
Dr. Lang's office…
"So, once again you've retrieved a dismal situation. Excellent work, Nurse Claire..." he beamed at the lovely nurse standing at his desk. "And I'm happy to approve these admissions and the tests. We want to be sure our friends weren't exposed to anything dangerous...Yet."
"Thank you, Dr. Lang." Claire smiled.
"I hope you'll have no trouble with the others, I'd hate to have to deal with all of them." he noted.
"They didn't see anything, still..." she eyed Lang. "Unfortunate as it might be, it might be best to deal with them all. If something happens to their friend Mr. Kramer during his testing, they'll surely ask questions and call for an investigation."
"Yes, I suppose so." Lang nodded thoughtfully. "It might be best if they all met with the same tragic fate. Though explaining four deaths so suddenly..."
"Three...We separated their friend, Mr. Seinfeld. He's in Mr. Costanza's room. He seems skeptical of Mr , Kramer's wild claims. We might do well to spare him, perhaps. We could use the same contaminated fluid we've employed on failed cases on the others to ensure their silence and it would fit that he didn't die, not undergoing the testing procedures." she smiled.
"Nurse Claire, you are truly an asset to my work." Lang beamed.
"I owe you everything, Doctor. But for your work I'd be plain and...Unspectacular..." she smiled fondly, arching just a bit.
Hope that Jerry isn't spoken for, me going out on a limb for him here, she thought.
"Well, a minor miracle...One of the first of many I hope to achieve. Our most important patient to date comes in tonight, I've just made the arrangements with his parents." Lang beamed. "We stand one step away from a major medical triumph, Claire."
"The Bubble Boy?" she eyed him.
"Yes, Donald Sanger. With success here, we shall join the greatest medical pioneers in history." Lang nodded.
"I hope he'll be less rude after it. He made some very nasty remarks during his last routine visit..." she noted, frowning.
...