Seinfeld: "Prognosis-NEGATIVE!"

Summary: Flying to London with older Elaine (following the action of "The Number and Address of the Beast", George (the Vampire "Say is it with a y or an I, Elaine?" "Y?" giggle… "If you're Danish, George."), tells her his idea for a new version of the lousy horror film the gang had once been eager to see…

Part VIII…

Dr. Lang, leaning back in chair, frowned at Nurse Claire as she finished her brief report…

"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to call Mr. Costanza's parents…" she finished, a bit lamely.

"Probably not…" sour look. "But perhaps unavoidable…And best to have them at least seem informed. Well, this throws a monkey wrench into my works for tonight…You did warn this 'Frank Costanza' he couldn't see his son tonight?"

"Of course, doctor." Sigh. "But he and his wife seem very insistent on coming. We could have security turn them away, till tomorrow?" she suggested, hopefully.

"No, it would just create new problems. All right, we'll have to let Costanza alone as well as Seinfeld and Miss Benes…At least for tonight. After all, they didn't really see anything. But this Kramer is more troublesome…He must be dealt with. And I think we have just the man for the job." His desk phone buzzed. "Ah, Claude…What is the status? Good, the bloods on Costanza and Ms. Benes are retrieved. Now, listen, Claude. Belay my order to bring Costanza to the old area cells. That means cancel, Claude. Have Costanza taken back to his room and bring that fellow, that 'Kramer' to phlebotomy. What? Well, if it helps keep him calm let Costanza come to phlebotomy with him, but Kramer is to come to the cell you prepared for him here. Just tell Costanza that we want Kramer to be observed more carefully. Besides, I'm sending my partner to assist you. He'll see to Kramer if he becomes too troublesome. As for Ms. Benes…" faint smile. "She can come to this area as planned but perhaps best to bring her with Kramer or Costanza, though treat only Kramer as a potential infectious case…But avoid as much as possible having him, Costanza, or her seen by the staff. Yes, good idea…Put him in a tent… And let me know as know as they're each secure in their new rooms. Claude, use your brains, man. Ms. Benes to her room first, then Kramer to his cell. All right, then. Make this quick and discreet, Claude. Then get over here for our patient's reception. There is yet much to be done tonight."

He hung up, tapping fingers… "Well, if we can deal with Mr. Kramer and keep his friends satisfied, things may yet work out. Thankfully, my partner is again able to assist."

"As for Jerry…Mr. Seinfeld, sir?" Nurse Claire, hopefully.

"Yes, yes…The man seems clueless enough. Take a blood draw and tell him if his friends' and his tests are clear he can leave tomorrow. You might suggest that the situation with Mr. Kramer is less certain."

"I will, Doctor." Nod.

"Once he's secure, report to the research lab in the old area. We're going to proceed regardless. The work must continue. Tonight we cure the Bubble Boy! Or, possibly just learn from another minor setback. Either way, Science marches on!" raising fist.

"Yes, Dr. Lang!" firm nod. "Oh, if the Costanzas do come tonight?"

"Yes…Well, I'll give orders that you are the one to be contacted to deal with them. Let them speak to their son by room phone, but only that…Use all your social grace to quiet any concerns. I count on you to deal with the situation, Nurse Claire." Firm nod. "With extreme prejudice, should that prove necessary…"

…

"Oh…" Elaine looked round the rather well-appointed room. Tres ritzy, even palatial, if in somewhat antiquated style, for a hospital room… "This is very nice."

"Very nice…And a bit out of the ordinary." George noted.

"It's a room Dr. Lang reserves for lady patients who need their privacy." Claude explained. "You're lucky it was available."

"Really?" Elaine, unable to repress beam… "That was so thoughtful. This is more like a nice old hotel."

"I guess." Claude shrugged. "I'll take you back Mr. Costanza."

"Oh, can't George stay with me?" Elaine, anxiously. "I really don't want to be alone here."

"If your tests are ok, you'll be leaving tomorrow, ma'am." Claude noted. "This is just to give you some privacy."

"Oh, I really don't need privacy. George here sleeps in my room all the time! Well, not in the same bed, I mean…"

"I think Kramer will need me, Elaine. Perhaps Mr. Claude here could bring me back to see you later?"

"Gotta check. Safety protocols, ya know." Claude noted firmly. "They may not want you going back and forth till your tests are in."

"Of course…" George smiled.

"I don't like this, George." Elaine frowned, looking about. "I mean the room's great but…I don't wanna be alone."

"Now, Elaine…" George patted her. "You know we shouldn't expect Kramer to be able to deal with all this."

"He's a grown man. You're just gonna take his blood and then bring him back to the room, correct?" George asked.

"Well, I'm supposed to bring him over here…" Claude noted. "We gotta more secure room set up for him."

"Ok, then…He's coming here anyway, you can stay George. Just till you bring Kramer over, ok? It's probably safer anyway, to keep George here with me for now?" Elaine eyed Claude.

"I guess it would be ok. But let me check first, just a minute." Claude hurried out the door, locking it.

"Interesting…" George noted. "They seem as eager to separate us now as they were to keep us together. Something's changed in their plans. Perhaps regards Dr. Lang's interest in you, Elaine?" careful stare at her.

"Yeah…" Elaine agreed. "Which is why you oughta have asked to stay, George."

Unless of course Lang turns out to be actually ok and actually interested…In which case you can just discreetly let them take you back…

"It raised less suspicion my offering to go. And Kramer may panic under the stress of facing this alone…"

"Well, if he hadn't gone and opened that door…" she frowned.

"I beg to differ, my dear Elaine." George, raising hand. "That single act may have allowed us a chance to stop a terrible abuse of Science."

"So you believe in the pig man, now?" she eyed him.

"I believe the good Doctor Lang is up to no good." George noted. "And we know it involved something hideous done to a poor fellow patient. 'Pig man' or no, something terrible is going on here and I suspect it may be reaching a climax tonight, given Lang was determined not to let us contact anyone."

"Climax as in him doing more pig man stuff? Or bumping us off?"

"Difficult to say…" George pondered.

"Great. Just great, either way…"

Knock at door… "Ms. Benes…Elaine? It's Eric Lang."

Elaine eyeing George…

…

"Ah, Ms. Benes…Oh, hello Costanza. Did Claude leave you here?" Lang, in lab coat and mask, eyed George.

"Miss Benes was nervous about being left alone and Claude kindly agreed I could stay with her till he brought Mr. Kramer to his room here." George explained.

"Oh, I see…" Lang nodded. "Well, in any case, I do hope you are comfortable here, Ms. Benes."

"It's very nice…But I hope my insurance covers it…" Elaine noted sheepishly.

"Oh, don't concern yourself on that score, my dear lady. I've arranged for everything to be covered during your stay, for all of you." Lang, gallantly.

"Well, thanks…But now you've got our blood…" Elaine paused.

"The testing should be complete shortly and it's my considered opinion we'll be able to release you in the morning." Lang, cheerily.

"All of us…?" Elaine asked, warily.

"That remains to be seen…Mr. Kramer's case may be more severe." Solemn tone. "He was after all the principle person exposed."

"Yet we were allowed to stay with him…" George cut in.

"Yes, well…At the time we had no alternative." Lang noted. "But given your current lack of symptoms I think we can hope the exposure did not affect either of you or Mr. Seinfeld." Genial smile.

"You mentioned, Doctor, the tragic fellow, your initial patient…" George began… "Was plagued by a parasitic infection. Might I know the organism? I'm rather an amateur dabbler in such matters and it would be of interest to me…"

"A new form of Naegleria fowleri, Mr. Costanza…An amoebic parasitic."

"Yes, I see…Quite deadly. A brain-eating parasite, isn't it?"

"Yes, indeed. Normally transmitted in water but in this new mutation it can even travel in saliva. So, you see the danger." Lang smiled.

"Brain-eating?" Elaine stared.

"Yes, some of my colleagues like my partner, Dr. Newmann, like to refer to it as the 'zombie parasite'." Lang noted. "And this mutation is more deadly than any we've encountered."

Elaine blinking…

"But calm yourselves…As yet you've shown no symptoms and only Mr. Kramer is likely to have come into sufficient contact with our poor patient to be in any serious danger."

"I see." George nodded. "And I can see why you'd wish to prevent a panic in such a case."

"Thank you for your understanding, Mr. Costanza." Lang, pleasantly. "I hope the situation will shortly be resolved with a happy outcome for all of you…Or most." Smile.

"Dr…Newmann? A familiar name…" George noted. "Wasn't he the man who researched a series of bizarre episodes involving postal employees."

"Yes…Quite. To be frank those episodes involved what we suspect was our mutant amoeba…And a tragic accident in shipping unknown samples."

"You mean that's what caused some of those postal guys to 'go postal' last year?" Elaine stared. "Their brains got eaten?"

"In a manner of speaking, possibly…" Lang nodded. "But we need far more data to reach such a conclusion."

"Now I am scared…George?" Elaine, anxiously taking his arm.

Hmmn…Lang involuntarily frowned.

Cramping my style here, Costanza?

"Don't worry, Elaine." George, calmly. "I'm sure these good people are seeing to us remaining in the best of health. But, Doctor? Isn't the classic detection method to use cerebrospinal fluid?"

"It has been, Mr. Costanza. But we've developed new genetic testing that avoids the painful process of obtaining CSF by spinal tap." Lang noted, calmly. "We're convinced there'll be no need of that."

"Fortunate." George nodded.

"Spinal tap?" Elaine blinked.

"As I say, we have developed a much less intrusive diagnostic procedure." Lang, reassuringly.

"I'd certainly like to read up on that, Doctor." George noted. "Have you published or is there a protocol I might read up on?"

"Afraid both are still in the works and reserved to research staff as yet, Mr. Costanza. But, in a few months such restrictions will not matter. I'll be glad to see you get a copy as soon as it can be made available." Smile.

"Thank you, doctor."

"Well…Was Claude coming to take you back to your room after deal…Assisting with Mr. Kramer? I could arrange…" Lang began.

"Oh, I want George to stay at least till Kramer's over here." Elaine noted.

"Of course, of course…Well, as long as you're well settled, I'll leave you. Is there anything I can have sent over to make you more comfortable?" Lang asked.

"Just some coffee maybe, that was a great meal earlier." Elaine smiled.

"I'll call for it at once. Oh, Mr. Costanza?" he paused at the door. "I believe Nurse Claire has contacted your parents as well as Mr. Seinfeld's. They may even try to come over tonight. Of course it's nearly the end of visiting hours and you still should remain in isolation for the moment but I can arrange to let them stay to see you as soon as your tests are back, if you'd like."

"Oh….Well, that would be nice, doctor. Much appreciated." George nodded. "I just hope they're not too worried, as are Jerry's parents."

"I'll speak to them personally when they arrive and see they're fully informed. I suspect the news for you and Ms. Benes and Mr. Seinfeld will be very good. Far better than we at first feared." Smile.

"As for Mr. Kramer…We can but hope…" he noted, solemnly.

…

Meanwhile…Claude and his assistants were having a rather tough time with the said Cosmo Kramer…

"You're not taking me to die! Where's George and Elaine! Help! HELP!" Kramer screamed.

"Don't worry, Mr. Kramer…Our staff is just here to help you." A new voice, oily and oleaginous…

"Who are you?" Kramer stared at the rather large and puffy figure in lab coat, wearing mask and gloves, sporting stethoscope.

"I? Why I am Dr. Lang's right hand, his partner…Dr. Dennis…Newmann. Ha, ha,ha, ha, hah! Ah, ha, ha, ha, hah!"

["Newmann?" Elaine eyed George. "A mad doctor, sidekick version?"

"What else would he be in this?" George noted.]

"Why are you laughing like that? What's so funny?" Kramer frowned.

"Oh, nothing…I just like to laugh." Dr. Newmann smiled. "Sorry I've not been able to see you sooner, I've been busy with my other patients. Dr. Lang however has brought me up to speed as to this unfortunate situation. Come, Mr. Kramer, lets go and get you set to rights. There's nothing to fear…Just a simple blood drawing and then, rest…"

"I don't want to…Where's my friends?! Where's George?! You keep away from me!"

"OWW…Kramer!" Newmann cried as Kramer threw him back. "Hold him, boys!" Pulling a syringe from his coat.

"Get away! No!" Kramer cried. "You won't kill me like you did the pig man! OW!" as Newmann plunged syringe. "Noooo…" he collapsed.

"Who said the pig man was dead, Mr. Kramer?" Newmann smiled at the crumpled form on the ground. "But thanks for your concern, I'm sure he'd appreciate it as I would. Boys? Take him." The guards and Claude lifting the unconscious Kramer to the bed. "Bring the transport guerney…"

"'Pig man' indeed…" Newmann frowned as the men carefully placed Kramer on the guerney.

"I much prefer to consider him…My Hyde. Ah, ha…Hah, ha, ha…Ah, ha, ha, ha, hah!" Oink, snort…Looking about nervously.

Hmmn…I'd best have another injection asap.