Hello, Hello. It's me.
What, you don't know me? Funny, since I most likely do not know you.
Good, now that we've established our relationship as potential strangers, I'd like to know you a bit better.
Hmm, what's with that long face? Was I too soon? Goddamnit, not again. Well, how about this then.
This work is based on the Re:Zero franchise and I do not take any credit for any elements I borrow from it.
If any of you will find this work familar somewhat familiiar, that's because —
Did you really expect me to answer that? Muhahahahaha! Well I'm sorry, for that you have to read the notes at the end :D
Anyway, I've these author notes are getting too long in my opinion. What, you do too? I knew we would get along.
Hope you enjoy this little work of mine.
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AHHHHHHHHH STOP STOP STOP! STOP THE CREDITS!
Sorry, forgot to mention some important things! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
Ahem...
English isn't my native language so you should probably expect some weird sentence structures or out right gramatic mistakes.
And this work is full on spoiler teritory. All of you should at the very least have already read up to the current point of arc 7.
Alright, this should be all...I think...I hope.
Now, for real this time.
Hope you enjoy this little work of mine.
A black shadow streamed through the floor of the Green Room, as if trying to cut Subaru off from the entrance. It was the Black Shadow, the last of the five obstacles he had to account for these past few loops. The black shadow of the Witch of Envy. The Witch that had a pure obsession with Subaru, had invaded the Pleiades Watchtower.
"Rem!"
Subaru tried to get the still comatosed Rem away from the clutches of the shadow. However, the Black Shadow swallowed up his vision, not leaving even a single gap. Moreover, the Black Shadow did not stop flowing in, engulfing him from the front, the left, the right, and the back.
"Damn it… Even though…I've made it this far…!"
Gazing at the shadow inching closer and closer, Subaru's heart was filled with regret as he tried to find a way to escape. If he got swallowed up by the black shadow again, he would lose his life and have to Return by Death. If he Returned by Death in this tower and his respawn point had not been updated, then he would have to start over at a point when Louis was still within him.
If that happened, he would be at the mercy of the Sin Archbishop. That fear was what drove him to do his best with the attitude that this loop was his last chance—
"BARUSU! SNAP OUT OF IT! YOUR PERFORMANCE WOULD MAKE REM CRY!"
"—SCREE–SCRREEE!"
Coming from beyond the black shadow were the desperate cries of Ram and Patrasche. In response, Subaru took a deep breath, but could not utter a word.
—Shortly after that, the entirety of Subaru Natsuki had been swallowed up by the Black Shadow of the Witch.
—Subaru's consciousness slowly swirled around in an empty dark void.
...
He felt as if his hands, feet, blood, flesh, and his very existence had been broken apart and turned into concepts. Consumed by endlessly powerful and vast emotions, his very existence had been overwritten.
"—I love you."
He heard a murmur in that silent and dark nothingness. That sound was very nostalgic for him, causing Subaru Natsuki's consciousness to smile to itself. Getting used to someone saying "I love you" to him, was akin to being like Julius who was loved by all his six spirits.
Unfortunately, Subaru didn't have a strong quality like that. Even if he pushed himself to his limits, the love he could give was limited to what he could do with his own two hands and back. So, the whispers of the Black Shadow just seemed like forced words to him.
Not as if he could actually hear them, as he didn't see the meaning in possessing ears. Since that voice still reached his heart, making him understand everything it said. In return, she could perceive the thoughts of the heart, as if they were being spoken directly to her, making her be able to understand them.
But that was only when the one in front of him wanted to listen.
"—I love you."
Maybe if you said that with at least a hint of emotion, I'd consider acknowledging it.
"—I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
Sorry, can't give you an answer to that… That phrase is like a landmine to me right now. I've never been able to grab the hand of the person who said that to me…
"—I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
…Is there no way for us to hear each other? Then could you just…hurry up and consume me?
In this nothingness, there was no hope of escaping from it. So, Subaru Natsuki would die a merciless death in the void. He would not grieve over it, but would accept it and turn that feeling into fuel, pushing himself onwards.
When I get back, the worst thing may be waiting for me. Louis, who would still have a clear head on her shoulders, might fight me again for Return by Death.
"—I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
But… I'm not gonna lose. I won't lose. No matter how many times it takes, no matter how much pain and suffering I'll endure, I'll keep fighting. This time, I'll keep my promise to them. Whatever the cost!
"..."
Heh… What's wrong? Did you finally get tired? Need a breather from all those—
"—Don't."
—I love you'... huh?
"Don't suffer. Don't feel pain because of them. Live in peace."
Wait... Satella? What are you—?
"Please, my beloved. Stop hurting yourself for the sake of those that keep on hurting you. Live in a time of peace. Live in a time without them there to hurt you."
The nothingness that surrounded both of them began to bend. It felt as if whatever his essence was being forcibly moved through...something. Even without a body, Subaru felt an uncomfortable feeling, as if he had one.
—Wha…what are you saying? You….…you don't seriously…want to separate them from me? …Right?
"..."
R-RIGHT?!
Satella's gaze shifted downwards, not wanting to meet his. Even without eyes to see the world with, Subaru could tell that her gaze radiated guilt.
No….NO—! I don't want this! This is not a life I want! I want it with everyone! YOU CAN'T JUST EXPECT ME TO ABANDON THEM?!
"Beloved...please, I beg you. The more time you spend with them, the more pain you experience. I told you that you should be part of the people you need to save!"
And I thought I made it clear that the only way I can be happy is with those I care about!
"And what did they bring you?! Everyone has been safe for more than a year and you've been nothing but MISERABLE!"
What?! That's a flat-out lie—
"—Every single day you hide your pain from those you care about!"
T-That's just—
"When they ask you if you're hurt, you just wave their concern off, even though it's obvious that you are hurt!"
It's…..It's obvious…...?
"OF COURSE, IT IS!"
The entire void shook at her yell. Something similar to shockwaves pervaded the darkness, making Satella's frustrations obvious to Subaru. He tried to think of ways to answer her back, but Satella continued before he had any chance.
"Every night you have terrible nightmares. You either relive one of your deaths or live through a scene of your worst fears. You are in so much pain that you can't even rest peacefully..."
Midway through her speech, Subaru saw how streaks of tears flowed out of her eyes. Her voice became pained and it sounded as if she barely held herself back from having a heart-wrenching breakdown.
Satella...
"—And you...you s-scratch yourself...until…..you…you…."
To no end, it pained her to finish that sentence. She seemed to choke on these words alone, giving her the impression of a maiden grieving after the death of her lover. Which in this case….…wasn't that far from being accurate.
She couldn't take it anymore. She crouched down and cried into both her open palms. She tried to say some words, but her tears and sobbing made them unrecognizable. That alone made her seem even more miserable, filling Subaru's entire being with guilt.
She was crying over him. Why him? His actions led to her being in this state. It's all his fault.
It took her a few minutes, until she somewhat regained control of her emotions. Still hunched over she became silent, looking down at the endless void.
Subaru on the other hand had no idea what to do at the moment. He had seen a girl crying over his pain and now remained completely silent. To say he couldn't deal with that awkward silence would be an understatement.
He thought of many ways to talk to her again, but none seemed to be the correct ones. Nothing he could think of seemed at all appropriate. What was wrong with him? Why can't he think of anything to comfort this woman that clearly loved him more than anything else in the world. He truly was nothing but scu—
"—bleed."
Huh?
"You…scratch yourself…until you…bleed…"
Her voice became sorer with every word spoken. It took her all to state that fact. Ever since the events of the Sanctuary, Subaru had been inflicting physical pain onto himself, as the memories of the doomed loops had been slowly breaking him from the inside.
…Satella…I—
"YOU HURT YOURSELF, TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM THE PAINFUL MEMORIES!"
He would shred parts of his body until they became nearly unrecognizable and have them later healed by his contracted spirit. But the healing couldn't restore his body to peak condition, littering his body with self-inflicted scars, showing how truly broken the boy actually was.
"Do…Do you know how much it hurts to see you like that? To see you do that to yourself every single day. Every single time you are alone… Seeing how none of them even notice the scars covering your body…"
...
"Do you know how much it hurts to watch the one you love slowly becoming a shell of the one they once were?"
At her words, Subaru's mind took him back to the end of one of the failed loops in the sanctuary. Broken by the trials, Emilia deluded herself that she loved Subaru. She was so broken that she couldn't even perceive the life threatening injuries Subaru had. She let him rest on her lap, thinking that he was just tired.
His life ended, the moment she leaned down and gave him his first ever real kiss. A kiss created from affection of a broken mind. A kiss that sent the one receiving it into another hell. A kiss of Death.
[I love you, Subaru!]
Subaru mentally winced from that memory. Back then it had nearly broken him and now it brought great discomfort remembering those empty eyes as she confessed her love.
"You do, don't you?"
Subaru couldn't fully understand the meaning of her words. He was too distracted by the fact that he now realised that the pain she felt must be like the one from that day long ago.
Subaru's mind was dumbfounded. He cursed himself. Because of his actions he had hurt Satella, without even realising it. How could he forgive himself? How much more can someone be as disgusting as him?
"And now, you're just blaming yourself again... If you didn't need to make everyone think you were okay... you wouldn't have taken such measures. You wouldn't…slowly be going insane like that…I... I can't take this anymore. If you had never met them..., you'd never be so hurt. I won't let them hurt you anymore, my beloved! I won't allow them to be near you in their lives ever again. In a future where no one that has hurt you remains."
The uncomfortable bending of the void began to increase in intensity. The endless void looked as if it was spiraling around them. Subaru stopped resisting, as he was still processing Satella's heartfelt words.
He understood that from a certain point of view, everything she said was true. If he had never met Emilia in that alleyway, he wouldn't have experienced his first death at the hands of the Bowel Hunter and wouldn't have developed the desire to save Emilia.
He wouldn't have gone to the mansion. He wouldn't have died to the Mabeasts. He wouldn't have died to Rem. He wouldn't have gone to the capital. He wouldn't have humiliated himself in the throne room. He wouldn't have been beaten up by Julius. He wouldn't have had the fight with Emilia. He wouldn't have had to see Rem be gruesomely murdered by Petelgeuse. He wouldn't have been killed by Puck. He wouldn't have been killed by Julius.
He wouldn't have entered the Sanctuary. He wouldn't have been eaten by the Great Rabbit. He wouldn't have killed himself to escape Envy. He wouldn't have seen Emilia in such a broken state. He wouldn't have almost given into Echidna's contract. He wouldn't have ever passionately kissed Emili—
Stop.
"Be-Beloved?"
Satella, stop this.
"Beloved...But didn't I just—"
That the more I'm near them, the more I'd get hurt and if I'd never had met them, I wouldn't have suffered as much as I had, right? Yes… I heard you.
"Then...then you must understand that if I move you into the future where none of them remain, then they'd never hurt you again—"
"Satella."
As soon as she heard her name being uttered, her eyes widened in shock. The bodiless consciousness known as Natsuki Subaru, was no longer bodiless. Wanting to look at Satella to show his determination, Subaru created eyes. Wanting to face Satella to acknowledge her flawed view, Subaru created a head with an upper part of a body. Wanting to voice his realisation to Satella, so that no misunderstanding may exist between them, Subaru created a mouth, a tongue and every other organ associated with speech.
He saw no purpose in needing ears, as his heart could understand everything Satella said. He saw no purpose in needing legs, as the void had no concept of space or gravity, so he could move any way he wanted already. He saw no purpose in needing arms, as his voice should be enough to reach her.
"Satella, you need to stop this. What you say may be true, but that's just because your viewpoint is too narrow."
"B-But...But..."
"I won't lie, if I had never met them, I maybe would have suffered less and wouldn't have as much trauma. But, if I had never met them, I would never have been saved by Emilia-tan from the TonChinKan trio."
"That's just—"
"I would never have met Beako and later taken her out of her 400 yearlong imprisonment set by Echidna."
"...But…, no I'm sure you—"
"I would never have met Rem, who later pulled me out from the depths of darkness and declared me her hero."
"That only happened because you saw her di—"
"I would never have gone to the Roswaal mansion and had never saved Arlam village from the mabeast attack, leaving Petra and the other children to die."
"I…—"
"I would never have had all those moments that made the pain worth it. Instead of focusing on all the negatives, look at every good and happy moment I achieved here. It pains me to admit it, but thanks to the sanctuary I was even able to have some closure with me leaving my parents."
"That…"
"And you and the other witches had shown me how truly flawed my perception of my self-worth was. Sooner or later I would've degraded into seeing my life as a means to an end."
"...You don't know tha—"
"I actually do. Wasn't I going down that root back when I had lost my memories in the Tower?"
"...Even…"
The more Subaru listed the positive things he experienced thanks to his friends, the less the void began to twist. It seemed as if the darkness was influenced by Subaru's stubborn will and began to twist in some places into a different direction then when it fully obeyed Satella.
"Even if…"
Satella herself couldn't care less about what the void was doing and focused on every word Subaru had said. As much as her words were true, so were his. In this world Subaru experienced both pain and happiness due to the people he met in this world. But—
"Even if what you say is true, so is your pain! You always try to help them, which will result in you being in more pain later down the line. I can guarantee it!"
"But the thing that has kept me going all this time were my friends. It doesn't matter how much pain and suffering are before me. I will give my everything to return to those simpler times, where there's no conflict and I can just enjoy life with my friends! I could never do that in a future where none of them exist!"
"But in that future, there can be other people you can meet. And in that future, no conflict would exist anymore! You could have a peaceful life with friends of that time!"
"And you're telling me that I should just abandon Emilia, Beatrice and everyone else!? No...NO!"
"I REFUSE!"
The void was split. One half moving in a way that Satella wanted, the other moving the way Subaru wanted. Both their hearts, their envious souls clashed. The wills of the Witch and Sage were equal to the other. They both commanded the void made of pure shadow of Envy, that was outside time and space, allowing unlimited manipulation of those concepts to those that could control that envious space.
As long as none of their wills faltered, they would have remained in that deadlock of wills, if…it weren't for the divine blue light.
"—I am Volcanica. In accordance with the ancient covenant, the will of thee who hath reached the top shall be questioned."
"I WANT MY BELOVED TO BE IN A FUTURE FREE OF THE PEOPLE THAT HURT HIM!"
"I DON'T WANT TO ABANDON MY FRIENDS! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND!"
Unknown to them both, both of them screamed out their desire. And they didn't have any time to question that, as in the very next instant, a pale blue light poured down from above, striking the split darkness that had engulfed the both of them.
"Thee desires of the Witch and Sage have been acknowledged. In accordance with the ancient covenant, thy wills shall be brought to fruition.
That fierce light swallowed up the darkness, and the colour of the world changed—
It changed—
...
...
...huh?
AH, YOU'RE HERE!?
Crap, shit, fuck. I wasn't ready. Fuck, gimme a quick minute.
*cough* *cough* Is this thing on? *boom* *boom* Yeah, seems it is.
Alright, let's pretend the last few seconds didn't happen. Good? Good.
Ahem...
Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
If you're reading this when there's still only one out and you want to read more: Good news!
It's already fully written and is currently being corrected by me. I don't really know when I will publish it, though I assume the wait won't be tooooooo long.
If on the other hand the next chapter is already out...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING READING THESE NOTES!? GO READ THAT CHAPTER OR I'M GOING TO jisbahfrdgioshjvforgpshgovöpgh
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Sorry about that. Whatever you just saw, don't worry about it.
Now... it seems as if I'm forgetting somethi—AH YES!
If this chapter seemed familar to you, that's because a little over a week ago I did a prompt like that in the re:zero sub weekly fanfic...thing.
If any of you feel the need to spoil yourself, of what I assume are going to be the next 2-3 chapters, please go ahead.
Oh, but didn't I say that I didn't want to do it yet, cause I'm still not confident in my writing ot smt...Well, you see.
Back then, I used a very ancient and dangerous technique called LYING!
(Actually, back then I actually fully meant what I said, it's just that I changed my opinion literally the next day lmao)