The title is a reference to the song "Sanctify" by Years and Years, which can also serve as the unofficial theme song for the chapter.
chapter 8: Sanctify
Razzles had no other choice but to stay home again with Mrs. Marigold, while Toffee and Rasticore were at the clinic, while Star was searching for the missing septarians.
However, before that, the trio were met with some familiar faces from Toffee and Rasticore's childhood. One of them was Jimmy, one of the bullies in Layla's gang.
Toffee and Rasticore had to be careful with him- what if he was another spy. Even if he wasn't, that did not make him any less of a problem, as Jimmy seemed to be in the mood for taunting the two men again, just like when they were all children:
- Awww, look's back!- Jimmy exclaimed.- The weakest in class.
- Yeah, when we were 7.- Rasticore said with a dry tone.- Unlike you, who seems to have the same mentality from then.
- Ha-ha!- Jimmy responded sarcastically.- Very funny, Cory! You think that now, when you have gotten bigger you're better than anyone, huh?
- No.- Rasticore said bluntly.- I don't.
- And how about your geeky pal here, huh?- Jimmy's attention shifted to Toffee.- What are you wearing? You look like a lawyer. Needed something that made you look even nerdier?- he laughed.
- Are you finished?- Toffee asked.
Without waiting for an answer Toffee just kept going, with Star and Rasticore beside him. Jimmy, however, was far from finished:
- Yeah! Run away, nerds!- he mocked them.- Like always.- he caught up to them and touched Toffee's back with his index finger.
Toffee did not find that appropriate. He turned around and was now face to face with Jimmy:
- I think you have forgotten who you are talking to.- Toffee told him.
- Ooh, scary!- Jimmy replied.- You think that you're special just because Seth has chosen you.
- Okay.- Toffee said bluntly, right before punching Jimmy in the face with his fist, shocking both Star and Rasticore, who did not expect this.
Jimmy almost fell and now his face was swollen. Not wanting to fight, he tried to think of an excuse:
- Hey, calm down, geek!- Jimmy tried to defend himself.- It was just a joke.
- This is what you always say.- Toffee replied.- However, I did not laugh even once. You must be an abominable comedian.
Toffee attacked again, this time placing Jimmy's arm behind his back and pulling it painfully:
- Who is the boss now?- Toffee asked, while still holding Jimmy's wrist.
- You.- Jimmy squealed.- You. Please let me go! It hurts! Hurts like Hell!
- You don't say!- Toffee responded sarcastically and finally let go of Jimmy's wrist.
Jimmy was scared enough to run as far away as he could. Toffee dusted off his suit and when he went back to Star and Rasticore, he was met with shocked expressions:
- What?- he asked casually.
- Where did that come from?- Star was shocked.
- Just a pest from childhood.- Toffee answered.- He finally got what he deserved.
- Do you think he might be a spy too?- Rasticore asked.
- Even if he is, he is no match for me. Now he knows what he is dealing with.- Toffee answered.
- You're right!- Rasticore agreed and a sly smile appeared on his face.- Did you see those toothpicks he calls his arms?
- Anyway, we are splitting here. Rasticore and I are going to the clinic. Star- Toffee placed a hand on her shoulder.- be careful, okay?
- Okay!- she nodded happily. Right when she was about to leave, she remembered something.- Waaaait! Toffee, awww! Are you worried?
- Star!- Toffee said sternly with his arms crossed.
- Okaaay! I'm going.- she replied.
And so she did. Although, while Star was looking for clues, she was thinking about what just happened with that Jimmy, if that was his name. The guy was another one of Toffee and Rasticore's childhood bullies. This made her think about their childhoods, especially Toffee's. Bullying was not something the 15 year old mewman understood well, for she herself has never faced this problem. Her own childhood was very different- she grew up in a castle, the royal guards were her babysitters when her parents were too busy, she played with Pony Head, she fought monsters, back when she thought they were the enemies. She did not know what it was like to be a child soldier, or to be bullied by your classmates so cruelly, or to despise your parents the same way Toffee did. No parents were perfect, but how bad were his? One thing was for sure- the two of them really needed to have a deep talk.
Meanwhile, at Mrs. Marigold's house, Razzles was helping the hostess with the chores. She was currently sweeping the floor, but something else was on her mind:
- What could have happened between father and his own parents to make him so cold and untrusting?
- Your grandfather, may he and his wife rest in peace,- Mrs. Marigold answered the girl's question.- was a very strict man. He was the most vicious general we ever had, and he tried to make your father the same as him. However, I know only this much. For details, you can ask your father.
- Is he really an heir to the throne of Septarsis?
- As a matter of fact, he is. Our last king, Seth, may he rest in peace, choose your father to be the next ruler of Septarsis before he died.
- He died of old age, right?- Razzles speculated.- Father, said that not even septarians are safe from that.
- This is very much true.- the older woman confirmed.- And Seth was the oldest back then, so it was a matter of time before his own time came.- suddenly Mrs. Marigold frowned.- I cannot believe that there was a mewman right under my nose this whole time!
- Star is not that bad.- Razzles defended her.- Unlike the others, she is trying to help us. No other creature has ever gone so far for us septarians. Everybody thinks of us as nothing more than mindless beasts.
- You know! This is not completely unjustified.- Mrs. Marigold said, and after seeing Razzles' confusion, she explained.- I mean, it's not like we ourselves have ever tried to do anything to improve the situation, mostly because of the socialist conditions we live in. And this has been going on for centuries. What you see now is not that different from what this kingdom was when I was a girl. Not to mention that archduke Batwin and queen Comet Butterfly were close to signing a peace treaty, until...
- Until my father killed Comet.- Razzles finished the sentence for her.- I know that, you can say it. Are you saying that it's my father's fault?
- What? Goodness! No.- Mrs. Marigold was very surprised.- Never! I just hope that Est...Star can really change something.
This gave Razzles a few ideas. If she could not help her father in the confrontation with the marauders, she can at least help both him and Star bring some harmony between the species. All the species:
- You know what, Mrs. Marigold? This is what I am going to do. I will solve the problem with this prejudice towards our kind. Star cannot do it alone.
- Your father is so lucky to have you.- Mrs. Marigold smiled.- He must be very proud.
- I don't know.- Razzles replied.- I never know what it is in his head. Every time I say something, he looks me with those expressionless eyes and makes me wonder if I said anything wrong.
- It's just his way, darling. Trust me, deep down, he is very nice to those who give him a chance.
- Not arguing with that.- Razzles responded, not doubting what she just heard.- But I just...- she sighed desperately.
- You're just worried about him.- Mrs. Marigold finished the sentence and the little girl nodded in response.- Well, just be there for him, hunny!
- I will. Always.
At the clinic, Toffee and Rasticore were yet again trying to restrain the patients. The views were just as brutal as always. Blood, organs, yelling and swearing everywhere. Most, if not all of the patients, were in chains and shackles. That was the only way of preventing them from attacking others and from hurting themselves. Toffee was trying different methods for psychotherapy, but for now the results were very minimal. He tried showing the patients how to control their breathing and their impulses, he tried talking to them, but those just helped for a minute.
In the end, he even tried simply singing to them. Toffee was well known in Septarsis for his voice, his singing always gave joy to those who heard it. He got close to one of the patients- a man, tied to a bed- he touched gently his forehead, and started singing a slow, but calming song. It seemed to have worked. The man really felt calmer and his tics stopped for a while:
- General- the man said to Toffee.- don't leave me like this.- his eyes got teary.- Please! Please, don't! Please!- he shouted and started roaring. It was like the anxiety made the situation worse.
One of the most common theories about what caused Mad dragon syndrome was that it was the result of high amounts of stress and anger. However, there was no confirmation whether or not this was true, but for know it was one of the best explanations they had. The fact that it was not certain what caused this hellish condition was a torture for Toffee's mind. If he could found what was the reason behind MDS, he could prevent it from occurring again:
- Maybe you should just sing to them, sir!- one of the employees suggested.- They seem to like it.
- I can't just keep singing to them, Miss!- Toffee disagreed.- We need a decent and effective treatment. So far, the psychotherapy seems to work. It teaches them how to control themselves. Do you give them any pills?
- Centuries ago, there were plans for designing some kind of suppressants, but they were never released.- the woman answered.
- Are you saying that there is a possibility to treat the condition with suppressants?- Toffee asked to make sure he got that right.
- Those are the rumors, general. We still have nothing.
- And where did you hear those rumors?
- Lord Seth himself told me about this years ago. Back when he was still in charge, may he rest in peace, we discussed different ideas for treating the Mad dragon syndrome. Suppressants was one of the ideas and he said he would do what he could do about it. I know nothing about the results, he never told us.
- Has Seth ever told anyone else, other than your staff?- Toffee asked.
- Not sure. Maybe he told some of his soldiers.
What if his father was one of them? If he was, was this information, hidden somewhere in the journal? The only way to find out was to read the journal. However, Toffee did not have it with him right now. There was not need to take the book with him to the clinic, so he simply left it in his bedroom in Mrs. Marigold's house. This meant that reading the journal would be the first thing Toffee would do once he got back home.
While Toffee and Rasticore, were helping at the clinic, Star was looking for any kind of information about the missing septarians. She asked a few witnesses whether they could help her with instructions:
- Yes. I remember some kind of a noise last night.- the elderly septarian explained what he has witnessed.- At first, it sounded like a whole bunch of unintelligible sounds with the occasional curse word here and there, so I supposed that it was another MDS patient, who has been walking around in the middle of the night. This happens often. 5 minutes of noise and then they stopped. Just like that. I looked through the window, but I saw nothing. Nothing except for some claw marks on the walls of this house.- he pointed at the said building.- This is where it happened.
Star looked at the claw marks closely. She tried to imagine what has probably happened here last night and made a little simulation. She stood right next to the wall with the claw marks on it and placed her hand for a measure. The MDS patient has probably been forced to go somewhere else and has grabbed the wall as an attempt to resist. If Star was looking at north right now, then the claw marks were, most likely, pointing at south, which suggested that somebody has attacked the patient from the back:
- Okay!- Star said.- Any other places, where septarians have been kidnapped?
- This is what I know.- the man replied.
- Okay, thank you for assisting!- Star thanked him, but she seemed to have realized something.- Oh, wait! MDS patients are simply walking outside at night?
- Yes.- he responded casually, as if he could not understand the point.- Every night. Most patients are in the clinic, but there are some, who have remained at home, and the night is the only time when they can walk in the city, without being judged or disturbed. But these days seem to be over.
- Ya, na-doy!- Star said sarcastically.- You monsters, are letting mentally unstable septarians to walk freely and causing who knows what! And now with these kidnappings!
- Young lady!- the elderly septarian frowned.- It's not like we can do much at night. As a cold-blooded creature yourself, you should know that.
Star remembered that she was still wearing her disguise as a septarian-frog man hybrid:
- Well.- she tried to defend herself.- Something has to be done! This can't keep going! Don't tell me that you guys are all okay with that!
- Such are our life conditions, dearie. You came with the prince, right? Maybe you can talk with him about that.- after that, the old septarian left, leaving Star alone with her thoughts. She knew she needed to discuss all of this with Toffee.
In the late afternoon, the whole gang arrived home. Mrs. Marigold prepared dinner for everyone, but Toffee did not seem that hungry. Instead, he found privacy in his bedroom, where he could read his father's journal. He opened it and right from the first page, he was met with some of the late general's thoughts:
"Today was another lucky day for our glorious kingdom! Queen Solaria Butterfly, the Monster carver (or should I say a "huge bitch" ) is dead. I personally decapitated her. Now her skull is decorating my living room. She is happier this way. My son, Toffee, got scared by the skull and he started crying, after he saw it in our house. This boy is such a wuss."
Toffee rolled his eyes. Typical:
"Today is one of Toffee's training sessions. He is doing horribly. He can barely even hit something. He cannot fight even to defend himself from those little turds, who bully him."
Next page:
"Pain is part of life, and especially part of war."
He knew how this one would end. Next page:
"Yolanda stopped me again from hitting our son. I feel awful."
Regret? That was new:
"The symptoms are getting worse every day."
Symptoms? What symptoms:
"Seth gave me medicaments. I don't know if they would help me. They are still very new."
"I can barely even control my own arm."
"Toffee's crying makes it worse. It's provoking a reaction."
"The pills seem to work, but only temporarily."
Wait! Was he:
"This condition is a curse. There is no other way to describe it. Eat mewman meat, Mad dragon syndrome!"
WHAT?! This was the moment that blew Toffee's mind. His father has suffered from Mad dragon syndrome too:
"This is torture! I am taking it out on my family, especially on my precious little boy. I can't stand it!"
Toffee stopped reading for a moment. He needed some time to think. This whole time his father has had that wretched Mad dragon syndrome. Toffee began reading again. The next page was addressed to Toffee himself. The font seemed a little strange. It was like Grisly's hand was shaking while writing this:
"Toffee, my precious son,
If you are reading this, then you must be really mad at me for the way I treated you, while growing up, and you have the absolute right to feel this way. I made you feel like trash and my condition was no excuse. I got it sometime after I entered the military and even after I became a general. When the symptoms became worse, I started seeking treatment. This is when Seth gave me those suppressants. I could never take them myself, your mother was always the one who put them in my mouth.
I am sorry for what I did to you, son. I am sorry for the things I called you, I am sorry for not supporting you, for the pain I caused, for the tears, for the fear..."
It stopped there. Almost like Grisly could not continue. The following looked better, written in a different way. Did his father feel better or that was actually written by someone else:
"Your father could not handle finishing, so I take it from here, sweetie."
It was his mother who wrote this:
"Today is our next battle. I already gave your father his pills, so he can fight. Before anything happens, I want you to know, that I am sorry things are not better. I am sorry we all live in such conditions. I am sorry you have to witness your father's illness. I am sorry you have to see us fighting, when I try to make him drink his medicine.
Whatever happens, you should know, it is not your fault. You are our precious little baby boy. Nothing is more important to us than you. We both know that you are going to be something spectacular when you grow older.
We love you, baby!"
Toffee stopped reading. He could not continue. His tears kept coming and coming, no matter how hard he tried to hold them:
- Why didn't you tell me, old man?!- he lamented.- Why didn't anyone tell me?!
The next page had only the recipe for making suppressants.
Toffee finally got out of the bedroom, looking a little messy. The others have already finished eating and were glad to see him:
- Heeey, Toffee!- Star greeted him first.- What took you so...- she stopped once she noticed something odd about his appearance. His eyes looked wet and a little red. It was almost, as if he was... It couldn't be.- TOFFEE! Have you been crying?!
Star's words caught the attention of Mrs. Marigold. She went to check on Toffee, she looked closely at his face:
- Sweetie, you really look like you have been...
- Don't worry about me!- Toffee told them.- It's just...I was reading my father's journal and I found some really surprising things.
- Oh, my!- Star seemed worried.- What is it, Toff?
- He has suffered from Mad dragon syndrome.
Everyone looked at Toffee, as this piece of information caught them off guard:
- What?- Rasticore asked in disbelief.- Really?
- It's in his journal.- Toffee answered.- There is no doubt about it. He has even drank suppressants.
- Oh!- Rasticore was stunned.- And I said such awful things about him, but it turns out he was ill.
- It's okay, Cory!- Toffee said.
- And this whole time you thought that he hated you.- Rasticore continued.- But it turns out he just had MDS. I cannot even imagine how you probably feel.
Toffee did not say anything. He was sitting, his back against the wall and his eyes closed. He opened his eyes when he felt someone holding his hand- it was Razzles. She gently laid her head on his lap. He started caressing her hair.
- Toffee- Star spoke.- it's okay to share how you feel. Nobody will laugh at you. You know us.
Toffee did not give an immediate answer. Mrs. Marigold thought she could say something:
- You know, you should have seen your father when your mother got pregnant. Yolanda stayed at home, and Grisly went to work every day. One time he yelled on the streets "I am going to be a father!". Even after she laid the egg, she stayed home to incubate. They were both very excited. The day you hatched was the happiest day of their lives. Your father opened the window and yelled "It's a boy! I have a son!"
However, this did not seem to have helped Toffee feel better:
- Why didn't they just tell me?- he asked with disappointment in his voice.
- Maybe they didn't know how.- Star thought.
- Maybe they did not want to worry you more.- Mrs. Marigold added.
- I spent my entire life, believing that my father hated me, but now it turns out he was sick and that his mouth was full of drugs. If he or mother had actually told me about it, I would have helped them or at least know what was going on. I blamed them for everything. I thought that what I was- I owe to them, but what I am- I owe to Seth.
- Calm down, Toff!- Rasticore joined.- The past is in the past.
- "The past is in the past"?- Toffee repeated sarcastically.- Is that how you see all? You think that if you just ignore the problem, it will go away. Like a coward. Is that why you ran away?
- It was dark magic.- Rasticore growled.- It could destroy a septarian. Of course, I was scared.
- That's why you always leave me to clean your messes.- Toffee said.- You were always a coward.
This hit a nerve. Rasticore has heard this before from Seth:
- Watch it!- he warned.
- That's the truth, Rasticore! Accept it! This is the reason why Seth chose me. I am a much better leader- not only I am stronger, but I am also much smarter.
- You think I don't know that?!- Rasticore yelled.- Seth could not stop saying how perfect you are. How popular you are. How successful you are. And you liked the attention. I have seen it in your eyes. You adored being his favorite.
- Yes, I did. You think I'll ever deny it? Hasn't it ever occurred to you that the reason I liked it, is because Seth, unlike my own parents, actually believed in me? He made me feel like I have a future. I never needed you. You needed me to be your bodyguard.
Rasticore's eyes got teary:
- You are really hurting my feelings, you know that? You blame me for being the reason why you don't trust anyone.
- You are just one of the many reasons.- Toffee corrected him.
- No, Toffee!- Star joined.- You are the one who chose not to trust.
- Stay out of this, mewman!- Toffee ordered her.
- No, I won't!- Star refused.- It's true. You have horrible trust issues. You didn't trust the peace treaty, and that's why you killed my grandma. You don't trust mewmans, you don't trust me, you don't trust Rasticore, you don't trust even Razzles.
- That's untrue!- Toffee denied.- If there is one creature in this world I trust, it's her.
- No!- Star did not listen.- You push her away, just like you push everyone else, who want to help you. It's like you have built a fortress wall around yourself and you don't let anyone get close to you, both physically and emotionally.
- This is for the better!- Toffee claimed.
- It's not.- Star disagreed.- Not when one ends up so sad and lonely like you are now.
- I HAVE TO!- Toffee shouted, much to everyone's shock.- I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYBODY TREATING ME LIKE TRASH! NOBODY EVER GAVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW I FEEL!- Toffee saw everyone's faces.-You are all surprised, huh? Surprised I have feelings? Of course, I have!- his voice was shaking.- I. Am not. A machine.
With this said, Toffee left the room and went to his bedroom. Star tried to follow him, but Mrs. Marigold stopped her:
- Star, don't This time don't, please! He needs to be alone now.
Surprisingly, Star listened to her this time and gave Toffee the space and silence he needed.