"Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, Flashbacks waking me up... I look through the windows of this love, Even though we boarded them up, Chandelier's still flickering here, 'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not, It's death by a thousand cuts... And what once was ours is no one's now, I see you everywhere, the only thing we share, Is this small town, You said it was a great love, one for the ages, But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?" - Taylor Swift, "Death by a Thousand Cuts"
...
Peter knew pain. He felt it when a building fell on top of him. He felt it when Captain America threw him into a bunch of boxes. He knew it when he turned into dust. He knew it when Aunt May died. He knew it when Mysterio betrayed him.
But the worst of them all was walking out of the diner without fulfilling his last promise to his best friends.
Instead of reciting the speech he spent a week writing, he ordered a coffee. A flicker of hope coursed through him when he noticed MJ was still wearing the broken Black Dahlia necklace and opening up to him and only him as if nothing had changed.
Yet, she didn't know his name. And the love that he just started to understand was gone.
As he walked out of the diner and down the street, he got to know true heartache. For him, it was like being cut a thousand times, and as each wound healed, another was inflicted. It was a slow, excruciating death.
The thing is, he almost didn't do it. But in true Peter Parker nature, he chose the path that was better for his friends, even if it was infinitely worse for him. MJ's cut could continue to heal; both she and Ned could enjoy MIT, be unharmed, and eventually maybe move on.
An image of MJ kissing some random guy popped into his head, and Peter shook his head vigorously, trying to get it out. The fears were real, but MJ made him promise that their story wouldn't be over.
After all, the story of Peter Parker had really only just begun. And even though he sulks on the walk back to his apartment, cold tears trailing down his face, trying to take the longest route possible to avoid being alone, he feels he did the right thing.
The love he and MJ have, or had, (ouch) was only temporarily gone. Yes, she would be safer without him, maybe even happier. But he could never forgive himself for breaking his promises to the only people he had left in the world.
He argues with himself as he walks. They would be better off without me. Peter Parker is a ghost, one side said. The other, how dare you break your promise to the only friends you've ever had.
One thought stabbed him. I never got to tell MJ that I loved her.
If he's to do something so selfish, the least he could do was be selfless and suffer every day for Ned and MJ. Peter decides that he'll buy coffee from MJ every day (and tip her, of course), check on them, and offer himself as a friend first. Nothing more.
Even though it would hurt, at least he'd be close. Maybe for once, the cuts would heal instead of reopening over and over.