"'Cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you, Easy they come, easy they go, I jump from the train, I ride off alone, I never grew up, it's getting so old, Help me hold onto you," - The Archer, Taylor Swift

…

Peter's life has been one battle after another. First, he lost his parents. Then his Uncle Ben. Then he was battling bullies at school and New York's own bullies at once. After that, it was the Avengers (yikes), Toomes, a purple alien, Mysterio, and nemeses from other universes. He lost his friends and Aunt May in the process. Through all of that, his hardest battle yet was for love.

With winter being the cuffing season for kids his age, January and February served as painful reminders of all of the love he had left to give MJ that he didn't think he ever could and all of the love she had for him that she would never know again.

Truly, what were sweet chocolates in heart boxes compared to sacrificing your life? Peter had no idea.

Peter was sick of it–the pretending, the childish confidence that they knew what love of heartbreak was. He wished he could have that kind of a simple life again, but as the other Peter's told him, and as he kept telling himself, that was the price for using his powers for good. And to do that, he had to keep his anger and frustration in check. This was his choice.

So can I never find love? Peter 3 did it. But, only after many, many years. Perhaps he'd have to wait that long.

All of these thoughts came to Peter on his way back from some rich kid's penthouse makeshift lab. He passed by countless storefronts decorated with cherubs, red hearts, and cupid bows. It was only the end of January, but Peter knew that with the bitter cold in NYC also came one of capitalism's greatest victories–making Valentine's Day a REALLY big deal.

But he couldn't really afford to think about capitalism at that moment. His mind was trained on those cherubs and why he couldn't seem to find that sense of simplicity and bliss.

How could MJ even bear to be with me anyway? Peter thought about how he had even less than he did before. He used to say he had nothing back in the day, but Happy ensured that was never true. Now that he was on his own, just him, the rich kids, JJJ, and his GED book, he really couldn't see how he could even make her happy, despite the lovely qualities of his personality.

This wasn't a rom-com, a story where the guy always gets the girl. Nope. This was a tragedy–like some Shakespeare that MJ would've loved to read.

Peter sighed as he walked up to his building. He was being selfish. He knew he should be grateful that MJ was still here and that he could be there for her in some capacity. He just hoped that the rest of the world wasn't seeing right through him as he tried to be the perfect Spider-man while impossibly finding Peter Parker.

Making his way to the elevator, he stopped to take a deep breath. He wanted to collapse right there, give up on all of the fights. But he couldn't afford to be depressed. The bills wouldn't pay themselves and the landlord wouldn't take patrol as rent.

He walked through the elevator, a dingy, broken-down sort of thing. It looked like it would give way at any moment, but Peter pressed his floor number (6) and went up.

He refused to think about what he wanted because there was too much he couldn't have. It would make him even more resentful. But deep down, his heart wanted MJ and her love. He wanted her to make a joke on a rooftop and smile at him. He wanted to see her become valedictorian at MIT.

All dreams, way out of reach. His duty came first, right? What did it matter if he was cruel to himself if he could save lives? His love life was insignificant compared to half the universe.

As he promised, he'd be there for her. But he couldn't ask anything of her, could he?

Nope. Too unfair.

He saw the J train chug by from his apartment window. One day maybe the glass wouldn't be so rust-tinged.