Youtou Shinnoken
A Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hakusho Crossover Fan Fiction Story by Chester Castañeda
Original Concept by Chad Yang
In the proud tradition of villain groups such as the Genei Ryodan, the Gung-Ho Guns, the Espada, the Akatsuki, and the Oracion Seis comes the Shin Juppon Gatana.
Disclaimer: Yuyu Hakusho is the rightful property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Shueisha, Fuji TV, and Studio Pierrot. Rurouni Kenshin is the rightful property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shueisha, Shonen Jump, Viz, Sony Studios, Fuji TV, Studio Gallup, Studio Deen, and ADV. This disclaimer also covers all the other copyrighted material that are far too many to mention here. Don't sue me please, I'm very poor.
Chapter 43: Fourth Avenue Cafe (Part 1)
Back at Nogi Shrine, in Akasaka, Minato Ward...
Aside from Feng "One-Eight-Ten Killer" Xinhai, Rando the Jack of All Trades, Karasu the Terrorist "Suicide" Bomber, the Puppet Master Edward Gein, and the (fallen) Phoenix King Suzaku, Itsuki the Gatekeeper also teleported through his dimensional portal the remaining four of the New Ten Swords.
"AH! You! You're the blind swordsman from the original Juppon Gatana we met back in Shishio's stronghold!" exclaimed Sanosuke Sagara while the first of the rest of the New Ten Swords arrived at the temple.
The blindfolded man in question answered, "And you must be the idiot whose ass Anji kicked... or rather, punched... from pillar to post. I'm amazed you were even able to survive your encounter with the mad monk the first time around."
"Well, I can whup your ass blindfolded if you want me to fight fair," Sano answered back.
"Please. You barely survived, much less stood a chance, against Saito Hajime when he was still alive. Why do you think we're equals? Speaking of which..."
The bearded blind swordsman with a bandanna draped across his face that covered his eyes, a turtle shield on his back (named "Tinbe"), and a spear (named "Rochin") turned towards Saito's direction, detecting him without even looking a him.
"I'd like to say I'm surprised to see you involved, but then again, I'd be lying," drawled the spear-wielding member of the New Ten Swords. "Still hunting for evil that you want to kill instantly, Saito Hajime?"
"Usui Uonuma. You're probably the only one of the original Juppon Gatana who's also part of the Shin Juppon Gatana, I'd bet," remarked the currently weaponless Saito. "Once a bitch, always a bitch. How is your abdomen doing?"
"It's hurting like a sum'bitch now that you're around, thanks for asking. It must be because of your nauseating presence," snarled Uonuma before asking the group, "So... which one of you sons of bitches is Kurama?"
"I'm over here. Do I know you?" probed Shuichi "Kurama" Minamino.
"Nope. But a former associate of mine did. He wouldn't shut up about you and the Battousai, so I was curious who the hell you were."
Usui opened the plain brown sack he had with him before retrieving from it the grinning, eyeless, and decapitated head of the infamous original Kanji Killer, Jine "Kurogasa" Udo.
It was Kazuma Kuwabara who threw up instead of Kurama at the gruesome sight. "He still put up one helluva fight with me even with no eyes left and few limbs to speak of. He must've expected Gein to patch him up. Too bad for him."
Smirking, Uonuma retrieved a second, smaller (shrunken) head from his sack, and this elicited a stronger response from Minamino.
It was the mandragora (mandrake) head Kurama made to house one of Jine's hypnotizing Jagan that he used against him.
Usui lifted his bandanna up, revealing burned and cauterized eyes. "I can't wait to have Gein surgically replace my burnt eyes with one of these so-called 'Evil Eyes' I've been hearing so much about. Having a Shingan and a Jagan should be an interesting experience."
"...You coward. He was one of your allies. Why did you kill him?" seethed Kurama, but not because he felt sorry a serial killer died. It was instead because he was potentially dealing with someone who was much worse.
Someone who reminded him of his past, opportunistic self. "You ambushed Jine when he was at his weakest. What kind of swordsman are you?"
"Oh, come now! Aren't you glad I finished off one of your enemies? You should be thankful! He was an asshole anyway!" chuckled Usui, licking his lips. "Besides, as the Chojin would say, he got what he deserved. The weak is food for the strong. That's the Law of Nature. He doesn't deserve to be part of the Shin Ju if he's weak."
Hearing that statement made Aoshi Shinomori's reincarnation, Detective Daiji Matsudaira, narrow his eyes. Again, his suspicions about the connection between the Chojin and Makoto Shishio were confirmed.
Meanwhile, from behind Usui, a titanic silhouette of someone who wore a trench coat as large and heavy as the detective-investigator's own wardrobe emerged from the mists.
The dark shadow of an imposing figure loomed forward. The haze cleared, and the jaws of Urameshi and the other Reikai Tantei dropped.
Everyone who'd ever joined the last Dark Martial Arts Tournament knew who was before them at a mere glance.
With ripped baggy pants and a trench coat so frayed it looked like it belonged to a homeless person stood the shades-wearing Younger Toguro.
Yusuke raged, "TOGURO! What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Hell, doing hard labor for thousands of years or something?"
Toguro grinned the same way he did when Yusuke first learned how to control the Spirit Light Wave Gem that he inherited from Genkai. Besides which, something seemed different about Toguro Ototo's body.
The larger half of the Toguro Brothers currently sported so many battle scars that he looked almost like Bakken from Team Masho or Shikijo of the Tokyo Oniwabanshu. He might not be in Hell at the moment, but it certainly looked like he'd been through hell and back.
Yahiko Myojin asked Yusuke, "I don't see what the big deal is. My Spirit Detector is registering Class-C powers from that huge guy with shades. He's even weaker than Rando! Is he really that of a big deal?" which elicited a "HEY!" of protest from the pasty-skinned demon in question.
"Kid, trust me, this guy is bad news," answered Urameshi. "He can use math or something to ration out his power. Ten percent, twenty percent, a hundred, a million; he just grows bigger and more powerful every time!"
"Don't call me kid, I'm older than you," Yahiko remarked.
"Hmmm. So who among you whipped dogs wants to have the first test drive against my Shingan and new Jagan?" asked Usui, licking his lips and making his enemies tense up in attention.
The slavering ex-hitokiri member of the Shin Ju was about to follow up his threats with action when a white-haired, lithe man who wore round spectacles, a cloth-covered sword, and Chinese clothes grabbed hold of the blind swordsman's arm and held him back.
"Not now, Usui," the newcomer with feathery white hair like that of an old man smilingly said. "Their time of reckoning will come. But not now."
The mysterious, albino-like martial artist with the peaceful grin, pale skin, and milky hair then turned towards the solidified spirit of Kenshin Himura, his smile widening ever so slightly.
For some reason, Yusuke felt a shiver upon his spine upon seeing that man. 'Do I know him?'
"Battousai. It's been too long. I am absolutely beside myself to see you."
"...Oh, okay. Um, my pardons, but who are you?" asked Kenshin, blinking his eyes repeatedly in wonder at the stranger before him. For some reason, whenever he looked at this unfamiliar face, his scar hurt like hell.
"..." One of the newcomer's eyes twitched as he adjusted his glasses. He then espied the spiky-haired boy glaring at him, which made his throat feel raspy and dry.
'I can't believe he of all people is part of the Shin Ju,' thought Yahiko, who tightened his grip on his sheathed replica sakabatou's handle while doing his best to repress bad memories.
"He doesn't seem to recognize you," was Gein's muffled observation behind his skull mask while still hefting what was left of Suzaku over his shoulders.
"It's been a hundred years, give or take a year. I don't blame him for forgetting."
"Yes, but I'm sure you can blame him for plenty of other things. Maybe you should introduce yourself to him," suggested Edward.
"Maybe. But not yet. I want my Jinchu (Earthly Retribution) to be perfect," whispered one of only three swordsmen in the New Ten Swords (himself, the late Jine, and Usui).
Then again, not all the members of the original Juppon Gatana were swordsmen as well. "This is not yet the perfect opportunity for us to strike. I've waited a century, so I can wait a little longer."
Including the (presumably) deceased Jine Udo and Suzaku, the gathered eight revived or reincarnated warriors completed all ten of the Chojin's New Ten Swords: Karasu, Itsuki, Rando, Feng Xinhai (formerly Raijuta Isurugi), Edward Gein, Uonuma Usui, Toguro Ototo, and the bespectacled mystery swordsman with white hair and a smug smile.
"They're the complete New Ten! The New Ten Swords!" said Natsuki in awe. 'These are the powerful people Xinhai is in cahoots with.'
'We almost killed ourselves trying to finish off just two of them, and it looks like there's eight more of them left? Give me a break!' thought Kuwabara while gulping.
Both Yusuke and Kenshin marched in cadence and faced what seemed like the strongest of the Shin Ju, which was the white-haired man and Toguro, as the break of dawn approached.
"So what does the complete Shin Ju want with us Reikai Senshi (Spirit World Warriors)?" asked Urameshi. "Do you want to fight? Do you want to finish what your comrade, Suzaku, started? Because we're more than willing to end it here, if you dare."
Toguro mouthed, 'Spirit World Warriors?' and sneered at his old nemesis.
As for Himura, he asked the person who apparently knew him, "Can I ask what your name is? What are you doing with the Shin Juppon Gatana? Are you yet another old enemy of mine from my past out to seek revenge?"
The bespectacled man chuckled and lowered his glasses while staring at the smaller swordsman ghost eye-to-eye. "You have absolutely no idea. I look forward to making you remember who I am, though."
Xinhai then called out, "We're done here. You've already seen what you wanted to see... Right, Toguro?"
"Yes. Let's go," confirmed the seeming leader of the Shin Ju in a low baritone as Itsuki took that as his cue to create portals for his comrades that led to his shadow realm.
"That's it?" asked Yusuke, taken aback by the sudden exit, but still keeping his guard up just in case.
The Taiwanese Dragon Head said, "We've already got what we came here for. Thank you for participating in our little experiment. Things should become quite interesting in the coming months."
"Xinhai, you coward! You're running away again?" Daiji demanded to his wife's killer.
Keiko Yukimura could only look on, unable to put into words her feelings, seeing the look of anguish on what she supposed was Aloise's... no, Itsumi Matsudaira's... widowed husband. 'If only the detective knew...!'
"I'm escaping for now, Detective. I'm spent. I was able to take an S-Level half-demon to the brink. Perhaps in the future, you'll become worthy enough to take me to the brink," said Xinhai before waving goodbye to his daughter with his metal hand. "I will see again soon, Xiashu."
Natsuki cringed and looked away, gripping her shoulder tight.
The Mountain Master's Deputy, the Mad Bomber Karasu, then said while keeping his eyes glued to Kurama, "If you think you're in any shape to take us on right now, be my guest. But if I were you, I'd enjoy my last days in the world of the living a little longer."
As he went into the nearest portal, Rando muttered under his breath, "If I knew we'd end up just posing and leaving, I wouldn't have bothered coming here in the first place."
"WAIT! It can't end like this! Who the hell is the Chojin? What are you all after? Why do you want to kill us? How is the Chojin reviving dead people? Are you zombies? The Chojin is Shishio, isn't he? And you're all his lackeys!" demanded Sanosuke at the retreating New Ten Swords.
"Give it a rest, Sagara Sanosuke," said Saito, who put his hands in his pants' pockets and decided to walk off into the sunrise (as opposed to the sunset) across a scene of total devastation.
The policeman added, "Rejoice. They're turning tail. They're predators that have sized you up and realized you're too much of a threat to take on all at once at the moment, so they've regrouped. Enjoy it while it lasts."
"Saito..." Sanosuke trailed off before someone else grabbed his shoulder to catch his attention. It was the hand of the effeminate half-youko known by the human name of Shuichi Minamino.
Kurama told Sano, "They must've observed our fights in order to know more about our fighting styles and modus operandi. It cost the lives of two of their members, but many of them are supposed to be deceased anyway, so they haven't really suffered any permanent losses. They might come up with an Anti-Reikai-Senshi plan the next time we meet."
"...Anti-Reikai-Senshi plan?" repeated Sano.
Minamino nodded. "It's like the Anti-Shin-Ju plan we used back in the Sea of Trees of Mount Fuji against one-half of the Shin Juppon Gatana. I'm still not sure if we're prepared to deal with all of them together since several of them remain 'unknown' to us. Like Usui. Or Gein. Or that white-haired man whom Kenshin can't remember."
Yusuke scratched the back of his head. "Oh. The Suicide Forest mission! Sorry for not being there for you guys. I heard from Koenma that everyone had to go at it and defeat the Shin Ju without me. I was getting busy here with my comatose girlfriend all the while! My bad."
"..."
"...Uh, wait, that didn't come out right."
"YUSUKEE...!" Keiko's astral projection bristled before she grabbed hold of Urameshi's spine with her intangible, bone-chilling touch.
"GIYAAAAH...!"
A few days later, inside an abandoned hospital with repurposed rooms turned into laboratories straight out of "Frankenstein" or "The Island of Doctor Moreau"...
"Tsk. It looks like you've outlived your usefulness, I'm afraid," said the skull-masked Gein to his newest test subject and Guinea pig, Suzaku.
He strapped the multi-amputee youkai to a wheelchair and pushed him towards the Intensive Care Unit.
The regenerative demon with resurrection powers was presently in a vegetative state (according to the Puppet Master's diagnosis), and the Chojin had refused to waste any more jaki resources reviving someone who dared become a Phoenix King by stealing the Demon Sword and coveting its powers as his own.
Therefore, the Shin Ju's resident mad scientist did what he could to keep the "almost-mostly-dead" Electromagnetic Master alive, up to the point of putting him on life support using state-of-the-art hospital equipment.
'Well, at least there's still something left of poor Suzaku's body after everything was said and done, unlike what happened to a certain infamous serial killer after both the Legendary Youko Kurama and Usui were through with him.'
Speaking of Jine Udo, his eyeless decapitated head was currently preserved inside a jar full of fluid among any other jars inside Gain's lab, although the thing that really interested the former member of Unit 731 about the serial killer was his hypnotic Jagan, which he kept inside another jar.
"Don't worry about it, though. Now that you've donated your body to science, you'll still be able to contribute to our cause in your own little way," cooed Edward the Puppet Master as he lifted Suzaku's "remains" onto the operating table and slipped on one glove with scalpels for fingers.
It was time to chop up, carve up, and burn up another "log".
The good doctor pressed the record button on his cassette player and breathed into its microphone, "Test Subject 119792807 prepped for surgery. Begin experiment to test the limits of his regeneration and resurrection abilities in three... two..."
Although Suzaku's face remained impassive all the way through the Shichi-San-Ichi-Butai-style "operation", his eyes were as wide as saucers for someone that was supposedly a vegetable.
That was because he was still conscious. Locked inside a body that wouldn't move.
His eyes darted all over the place. Like an animal caught in a bear trap, looking for escape.
Elswhere...
"Do you guys even poop?" was the bizarre question that Shizuru Kuwabara brought up to (the ghosts of) Yahiko Myojin and Sanosuke Sagara one odd morning.
"...We don't eat food for nutrients. We don't poop them out either because we don't turn them into poop," explained Yahiko while munching on bite-sized cookies called "Koala's March".
"So then why do you still eat all our junk food?" insisted Shizuru, with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised.
"They're not real food, are they? So that's why we eat them," answered Sano, who waved the Elder Kuwabara off before eating some wasabi-flavored snacks.
"Yeah, we mostly eat food for the taste. To remember what they taste like, even if we can't really eat them. Ghosts are all about memories," continued the Tokyo Samurai Descendant.
"And how about our real food? Why are you eating that too?" chimed in Kazuma Kuwabara, Shizuru's little brother that looked old enough to be her father. Or a creepy uncle.
"Come on! Everyone knows that ghosts can eat 'the essence' of real food too! That's why their loved ones offer them their favorite food at altars and graves!" said Myojin.
"I DON'T CARE! I don't want you to waste anymore of our food! You don't need them! You don't even pay for them! Go suck up sunshine or something! Spirits, leave us be!" said Shizuru with an ear pinch to Yahiko.
"OW, WHY JUST ME? Rooster Head is getting away with your toast, lady! Come back here, you eat-and-run scam artist! shouted the samurai boy at Sano, who indeed ran away while chewing on a piece of toast in his mouth, as though he were late for school.
Later that night...
"..." both Sano and Yahiko chorused.
"...What?" asked Yusuke, who straightened up and smoothened out his apron while preparing the two ghosts' bowl of ramen from his ramen stand. "You two look like you've seen a ghost."
"..."
"Oh, come on! I had to say that line to you two at least once, you know! Otherwise, it'd be a wasted opportunity!"
"...Really? The all-powerful Urameshi Yusuke is a ramen vendor with a shoddy cart?" said Sano, remembering that this was the teenager who single-handedly manhandled the S-Level Suzaku Seven and the S-Level Xinhai.
"Yep! I'm the strongest ramen vendor in all the three worlds! Son Goku, watch out!" guffawed the out-of-school youth before he flexed his biceps and grinned. "So are you going to eat those or what? Don't worry, they're on the house!"
"Man, I missed this! Certainly tastes better than instant noodles! Less scary to eat too!" cheered Sanosuke as he took apart is chopsticks, said that customary chant Japanese people said before eating, and dug in.
Yusuke looked at Yahiko in askance. The latter explained, "He doesn't trust the electronic hot water pot. Or the microwave. Or noodles you can cook in three minutes with hot water. Or the flavor packets. He thinks there's something scary about them."
Urameshi just stared at Myojin for about a minute. "...But he's a ghost."
"He's also very stupid."
"HEY! Quit talking shit about me, Yahiko-chan!" exclaimed Sano with a limp noodle stuck on the side of his mouth as he karate-chopped his teenaged-looking companion's head.
The day after, at the Kuwabara Residence (again)...
"I hate microwave ovens," said Sano, who peered with narrowed eyes at the device in question.
"Why is that? I love them! It only takes a few minutes to make popcorn with them, and you don't even have to boil kernels in water or roast corn on the cob on a spit," explained Yahiko, who ate a tub of buttered popcorn to illustrate his point.
Without tearing his eyes away from the oven, Sanosuke also ate a mouthful of popcorn and said with ballooned cheeks, "Yeah, but they remind me of Suzaku and his microwave radiation powers. Fuck that guy and fuck this scary oven."
"That's as dumb as your theory about cameras stealing your soul," retorted a munching Myojin.
"STOP EATING OUR FOOD, DAMMIT! Who keeps letting you two in here?" called out Shizuru before she chased Sagara and Myojin out with a baseball bat, making them run away with popcorn bowls on hand.
Meanwhile...
"Whose child is that? He's so cuute!"
"Ah! That's cosplay, isn't it? Is there an anime convention somewhere?"
"He should be in school! Get a truant officer over here!"
"Big bro, you look so cool! Come play with us!"
"Hey, kid! What's with that look? You want to get pummeled?"
"...That bandanna! Could it be you're hiding the Evil Tyrant Eye?"
"My power is no match against yours, Dark Flame Master! I mean, your power is no match against mine!"
"Eh? This is what they call Middle School Syndrome, isn't it? He's got it bad."
Everyone simply stared at the... spiky-haired lad that looked all of ten to twelve years of age wearing a cloak and a pendant who sauntered off into the quiet neighborhood's playground.
He could've (or would've) jumped from roof to roof away from prying eyes, but he'd been through one difficult mission after another, so he was still recuperating from all his lost energy.
No jumping around for now.
That, and he was kind of lost and needed to look at Human World street signs in order to know where he was.
Hiei grunted. It was going to be a long day.
"...Seriously? We're still going to eat here again?" queried Yahiko with half-lidded eyes while following Sanosuke back to the Kuwabara Residence. "We can eat somewhere else, you know."
"Why the hell not? The Kuwabaras' joint is the most exciting place in Tokyo to eat! It's even more fun to go there than Urameshi's ramen cart. It's dinner and a show. Now help me climb up this window."
"You'll be phasing through those walls like a regular ghost once Shizuru is through with you," warned Myojin. "Tae-san was practically a Bodhisattva (Enlightened Being) to have dealt with your shenanigans for so long, man."
"Oh yeah. The restaurant owner, right?" asked Sanosuke. "I wonder where she is now. Heaven? Reincarnated? Gods forbid, in Hell? I hope not in Limbo, that'd be terrible too."
"You lose so many friends when you cross the other side," began Yahiko. "You don't want them to forget you, but at the same time, it's painful to see those who really can't forget and let go become earthbound, making you wish they did forget."
Sagara looked at Myojin with a blank expression on his face, pausing in the middle of his attempt at breaking and entering.
"W-What?" asked Yahiko.
"Neechan (Shizuru) is right. You really are a grandpa."
Wham. An uppercut to Sano's jaw.
"YOU NEED TO GROW UP, ROOSTER HEAD! Stop pretending to be a teenager!"
Bam. A right straight to Yahiko's cheek.
"Ha! I'm not a teenager! I'M A MAN!"
"...No, you're both idiots," another voice said.
The two ghosts stopped punching each other on the ground in time to look up and see a diminutive someone that had hair that was even spikier and gravity-defying than Yahiko's and Sanosuke's hairdos combined.
'Who the hell is this shrimp?' was what their harmonized thoughts and stares said. 'A lost child?'
"Shoo, ya li'l brat. You don't belong here," was what the trespassing Sanosuke had the audacity to say.
Hiei harrumphed, ignored the two, and went straight for the Kuwabara Residence's front door.
"I wonder if he's a neighborhood kid that Boke (Kazuma) plays with from time to time," mused Sano, who followed the fire demon along with Yahiko.
"No, wait, Sano! Don't you see his getup? Don't you get who he is?" said Myojin.
"Hmm? What's so unusual about his getup?" asked the leather-clad Sano who normally sported something that even yakuza wouldn't be caught dead wearing.
"...Yeah, of course you don't get it," said Yahiko. "Listen here..."
'About time you figured it out,' thought Hiei.
"He's obviously suffering from Chuunibyou (Middle School Syndrome)!" concluded the samurai spirit.
"..." added the Jaganshi.
"Chuunibyou? What the hell is that? A childhood disease? Like measles or polio?" asked Sanosuke.
"It's the new slang that the kids are using nowadays. Anime and manga is so popular in the Heisei Era that more and more middle school students are being infected with Middle School Syndrome!"
"Cut to the chase, Yahiko-chan! What does it mean?"
After slamming his sakabatou onto the birdbrain's... bird brain, Myojin explained, "People with Middle School Syndrome either act like a know-it-all adult and look down on real adult, or believe they have special, supernatural powers."
"Oh, I totally get it now! Like a cheeky brat who pretends he knows everything but doesn't really!" said Sano while Yahiko nodded. "So Yahiko-chan, how long have you had chuuni...?"
While Sagara had his mouth pulled from different directions by Myojin's fingers, the samurai boy further explained to him, "It's like a kid who says he has ESP or will become an arms dealer when he grows up and memorizes all the different gun models. Somebody delusional. That sort of thing."
"Like I said, you're exactly like that, ya li'l brat!"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU, YOU SEKIHOUTAI GOPHER BOY!"
"AS IF, YOU... CHUUNIBYOU KENSHIN CHEERLEADER!"
"So from one Kuwabara, there are now three. Annoying," murmured Hiei.
Like wannabe yakuza (or chuunibyou-suffering teenagers pretending to be gangsters), Yahiko and Sanosuke glared at the defiant Hiei, bending over and tilting their heads back in an attempt to intimidate the childlike demon.
"Are you saying we're both stupid? Are you taking us for fools, you cheeky little chuuni shrimp?" demanded Yahiko.
"Huh. So you're saying we're like Boke now, are we? We're three boke in one? You sure have a lot of guts for a pint-sized squirt!" Sano loomed over Hiei.
'...Boke (Dumbass)?' Hiei thought. He then imagined the two wearing (Kazuma) Kuwabara's face, which made him go, "Pffft."
"ALL RIGHT! That's it, kid! You're going DOWN!" shouted Sano.
Fists flew, but none of them hit the fleet-footed Jagan User. Even if he lacked strength, he was still nimble enough to dodge.
"OW! HEY! Watch where you're aiming that fist, Yahiko!"
"Speak for yourself, Rooster Head!"
The two then both stared at Hiei, who in turn stared at the front door. The demon then contemplated undoing the bandages and chains of his right hand but stopped himself.
Even the Evil Eye User, who'd only recently started to roam the Human World and learned human customs, knew that he was being made fun of.
He remembered the kids at the playground pretending to shoot lasers and fire at each other, or wearing medical eye patches while claiming to be pirates.
If he took off his bandages, he'd totally look like one of those kids because his full power hadn't returned yet and he had no ability to summon any firepower in his state.
With a harrumph, Hiei looked away and pressed the doorbell button (rather than barge in as usual), which made the duo of Kuwabara clones go, "Pffft," themselves and exchange knowing looks.
Dammit, the Jagan User felt like he'd been defeated somehow.
"He was totally thinking he could shoot a laser beam from his hand before ringing the doorbell, didn't he?" said Sanosuke.
"Or summon an eldritch creature from the abyss! Man, Heisei Era kids nowadays sure are precocious, aren't they?" added Yahiko.
"What were you planning to do, kid? Blast the doors with your superpowers?" goaded Sano with a punchable expression on his face.
'I want to kill them,' thought Hiei, not realizing he was in the presence of people who were already dead, his otherworldly Jagan senses muted in his weakened condition.
By instinct, Shizuru punched Sano on the bridge of the nose as soon as she answered the door, a cigarette in her lips. "Go home. Stop wasting our food, you moochers."
"So you know this kid, Neechan?" a bleeding-nosed Sanosuke asked Shizuru after recovering from the punch, which happened disturbingly fast. What was this ghost made of?
"..." thought the Eldest Kuwabara Child, seeing the trio of spiky-haired boys lined up together according to height: Small (Hiei), medium (Yahiko), and large (Sanosuke).
'Are they the same person but only with different ages?' she thought with a smirk and a restrained laugh.
"Ah. You're the Kuwabara that doesn't look like a Kuwabara. Are you adopted?" asked Hiei.
"I'm not sure if you're flattering me or talking shit about my bro and my family, but please stop that," said Shizuru.
Then, after realizing who she was talking to, she sweated so hard she looked like she was melting.
After all, the most sullen and scariest member of the Urameshi Team was at their doorstep. The same mighty midget that turned a fellow fire demon into a shadow on the wall.
"Neechan...?" asked Sano.
It was like having a known terrorist bomber or serial killer over for lunch at your house.
With a pokerfaced sigh and a long drag of her cigarette, the sweaty Shizuru asked Hiei, "You're looking for Yukina-chan, aren'tcha?"
Hiei harrumphed and turned away.
Petulant brat. With a sigh, she said, "She's with Kazuma. They bought Chinese food for lunch. The store was only recently built and doesn't do home deliveries, so I had to send them out to get the food."
"Hmm? Yuki...?" blinked Yahiko.
"You remember her, right? The chick that totally looks like a kimono-wearing Lolita. Or your wife with green hair. The one Boke has a crush on."
For a split second, Hiei's aura glowed bright red, his body shuddering with youki.
Shizuru then imagined Sano's last line echoing inside the Jaganshi's head over and over: 'The one Boke had a crush on... Boke had a crush on... Crush on...'
Even though this was only the second time he heard Kazuma referred to as "Boke", Hiei immediately figured out who Sano and Yahiko were referring to.
'Ah. Rooster Head said something unnecessary again,' thought Kazuma's big sister with a strained smile while remembering Hiei's battle against Bui from the Toguro Team, with his Kokuryuha incinerating half of the stage where the Dark Martial Arts Tournament Finals took place.
"Oh yeah, yeah! She does have the same shy personality as Tsubame!" Myojin nodded sagely. "And Kuwabara totally digs her too. He's completely infatuated."
'Look at these idiots. Like children poking a sleeping tiger,' thought Shizuru after espying electricity start crackling from the Evil Eye User's dark aura.
Shizuru, whose Rei-Kan (Spirit Sense) allowed her to see the dark energies that Hiei held back for some reason, half-expected the short demon's spiky hair to turn blond next.
'Will our home be all right?' she wondered with an eyebrow twitch and her cigarette trembling along with her hand. 'I don't want to move...'
'AHH!' thought the curly haired and younger-than-he-looked (or older-looking) Kazuma Kuwabara while biting his mouth to keep himself from screaming, hiding behind a tree after spotting Hiei at the front door with Rooster Head and Samurai Boy.
'What the hell are they doing with Shorty?!' he thought. 'Hey, Neechan, surely you're not going to invite them over to our... And they're inside. May the gods help us.'
"Kazuma-kun? Why are we hiding?" Yukina asked, brushing a stray lock of green hair over her ear while she looked up at the taller teenager, their faces close together.
With a high-pitched whistle, steam escaped the sides of Kazuma's head through his ears. "Y-Y-Yukina-san, I...!"
She then looked from behind him. "Oh! It's Hiei-san! What brings him here?"
"Wh-Who knows? Beats me," said Kuwabara, whose eyes darted back and forth the pure white nape of the ice maiden and... other parts of her.
He then mused, 'Wait a second. That's a good point. Why is Hiei here? At my house, of all places? Hmm. Maybe he's looking for Yukina again.'
With that said, why was he looking for Yukina? Always, at that?
Kazuma had always mulled over what exactly was the Jaganshi's relationship with the Koorime. Could they be...?
The younger male Kuwabara wailed (from the inside) and gnashed his teeth. 'T-That cheeky bastard! He's not in love with Yukina-san or anything, is he? IS HE?!'
A vision of a naked Yukina (which made Kazuma's nose bleed) and a naked Hiei (which made his veins spurt blood as well) holding each other a la a romance novel filled the Yankee-turned-studious-student's mind with envy.
His enviousness then turned to fear when he remembered what Hiei did to Kuro Momotaro in the Ankoku Bujutsukai (cut him into barbecued pieces care of a fire sword, incidentally).
Did Kuwabara even stand a chance against the puny powerhouse?
Meanwhile, Yukina could only tilt her head at Kazuma's antics while from far away, Hiei felt a cold shiver down his spine from the inside of the Kuwabara Residence.
"Don't worry, Yukina-san! I will fight for our love! Even if it's against him...!"
"Eh? Yes? 'Him'?" A large dollop of sweat formed on the snow woman's forehead.
"Y-Yeah... but for now, we're going to use the backdoor to get in," added Kuwabara, whose bluster deflated on the spot after being reminded of who he was dealing with.
"Um, sure, but why? Are we playing Hide and Seek?" Yukina asked as she followed Kazuma's lead.
His face pale, Hiei scowled and twitched. Something grated on his nerves at the moment. He felt like the target of some kind of groundless misunderstanding from somewhere.
Was it his imagination?
He felt like puking for some reason, followed by the intent to hang, draw, and quarter a certain ugly delinquent with an equally grotesque regent-style orange pompadour.
"Any particular reason why you wanted to see Yukina-chan, er... Hiei?" probed Shizuru while, at the back of her mind, she considered whether or not their house would get insurance payouts for a sudden "gas" explosion from out of nowhere.
The midget with the white skunk streak on his burr hair thusly ignored her.
God damn it, he was so annoying. If he wasn't a walking atomic bomb, she'd slap him.
"HEY! Kid! Listen when someone is talking to you!" said Sano with a karate chop to Hiei's head.
The Kuwabara sister felt half-relieved that someone else hit Hiei for her, and half-afraid of homelessness. Or worse.
'Can we afford a new place...?' she wondered. She also thought, 'Am I going to end up like these two idiot ghosts too? Wandering about and wasting other people's food?'
"...Well, then! Let's just wait for her to come back!" said Shizuru aloud, who opened her second pack of smokes. 'He probably plans to say hi, talk about Yukina-chan's bro, then leave. Like usual.'
The Elder Kuwabara lit her cigarette and inhaled the tobacco smoke deep into her lungs. She'd already talked to Yukina about her past encounters with Hiei and how he reminded her of her brother.
She also heard some of their painfully ambiguous exchanges. You couldn't write a more clich story. Or set up more obvious clues.
'He's totally her brother, right? Come on. She probably figured it out by now too, what with him always rescuing her every time she's in trouble or him ending up with the tear gem birthstones from their mother. You don't need to be as smart as Kurama to figure this out!'
"So what's the deal with you and Yukina, Shrimp? Are you brother and sister or something?" came Sanosuke's conclusion.
Case in point.
There was dead silence afterwards.
'Eh? It got quiet all of a sudden. Did I say something I wasn't supposed to say?' thought a tense Sano while looking around the tomb-like area; it was soundless enough to hear the skittering of a cockroach.
From behind him, a (small) shadow emerged, swallowing all the available light inside the room.
Wow. Years of secrets and half-truths exposed just like that. 'Must be nice. To be that oblivious...' thought Shizuru.
Yahiko looked around. 'Is it me, or does it suddenly feel like a funeral inside here?'
'Whoa. He really said it. Also, it is true: Even a broken clock is correct twice a day,' thought the Elder Kuwabara, who covered her mouth and turned away, suppressing giggles.
"...What makes you say that, Sano?" asked Myojin.
"Eh? Well, they're both roughly the same size, I guess? They don't look anything alike, though..." Sagara shrugged. "Maybe they're non-blood-related siblings? I dunno. Call it a hunch."
Damn. A correct conclusion from the dumbest of logic. Sanosuke was a special kind of stupid. Genius-level stupidity. The savant of fools.
A grinning Shizuru patted Sano's shoulders and gave him a thumb's up sign. "Wow. Amazing. You're absolutely amazing, Rooster Head."
"Eh? I am? Thanks, I think?" the birdbrain chirped.
"Hmmm? Kid? Chuuni kid, you okay?" asked Myojin, who poked a paralyzed Hiei on the cheek with a chopstick. "Neechan, I think we broke him. Should we call his parents?"
Even Kazuma never made Hiei react this badly to anything he did, Shizuru realized. 'So which one is the bigger Boke? My li'l brother or Sano?'
"Hey, hey. Hiei. Calm down. These guys are just... joking... around. Oh."
She trailed off after following the Jagan User's line of sight and spotting what he was staring at all this time: His (unacknowledged) koorime sister, Yukina.
Oh, and "Kazu-kun" was there too. 'Can you do it, li'l bro? Can you top the walking personification of foolishness that is Sagara Sanosuke?'
"O-Oniichan...?" said Yukina, her face flushed. "Y-You're my brother, right? The Forbidden Child of the Ice Maidens...!"
"...She even gave him a back story too! Who is this kid anyway?" said Yahiko, amazed that the Kuwabaras and Yukina would go to such lengths to indulge some child's youthful fantasies.
"Wow, looks like everybody's getting into the chuuni act, Yahiko-chan," remarked Sano. It then registered in his brain, 'Wait, if she's really an ice maiden, and he's really her brother, then could this spiky-haired twerp actually be...?'
'Eh? EH? EEEEH!?' thought a sweaty Kazuma, whose head swung back and forth between Yukina and Hiei. 'I-I don't get it. Rooster Head is only spouting off nonsense as usual, but then Yukina-san suddenly reacts to it this way! And even Hiei...!'
No matter how Kuwabara looked at it, the trembling Yukina reacted a tad too weird over Sano claiming Hiei and her were brother and sister.
Otherwise, Kazuma would've waved it off as another stupid conclusion from the true "Boke" of their group. Like the time Sanosuke concluded Kazuma's big sister was a geisha. Of all things. Holy shit, what?
'B-Brother, huh? That's news to me.' The Younger Kuwabara gulped. 'Come to think of it, isn't it strange how her brother is always her topic of conversation when Hiei is around but not with the rest of us?'
"I'm not your brother." Hiei harrumphed and turned away, his eyes wide, his irises mere pinpoints. "Like I said before, he's probably already dead."
"Huh? But...!" Yukina trailed off. "I... I want you to be..."
'Wait, so Hiei isn't Yukina-san's brother after all?' contemplated Kazuma. 'Also, Shorty says that they're not really related, but she wants him to be her brother, and... Ow, my head.'
The ex-delinquent rubbed his temples. 'So Hiei's practically a non-blood-related brother, right? Hey, wait, weren't those usually the ones that girls ended up having "forbidden" romances with, like in old shojo manga like Georgie or novels like Wuthering Heights?'
In defense of Kazuma's manhood, he knew of Georgie because of the "shojo manga binge" phase of his sister, and Wuthering Heights because it was mandatory reading for his Foreign Literature Class.
In the mind's eye of the teenager with carrot-red hair shaped in a pompadour hairdo, Kuwabara imagined Yukina calling out to Hiei as "Oniichan!" and then the latter rebuffing her and saying, "I'm not your brother! I'll make you see me as something more than your brother! Just you wait!"
'NOOOO!' The male Kuwabara sibling then screeched and snarled, "HIEI! You bastard! How dare you betray the pure, platonic, and sisterly feelings of Yukina-san with your beast-like lust!"
'Is he projecting or something?' thought the female Kuwabara sibling after palming her face.
"..." Even Hiei couldn't simply harrumph at that remark. 'What the hell is he thinking about this time?'
"Eh? K-Kazuma-kun? H-Hiei-san?" stuttered Yukina.
Shizuru covered her smirking face, her shoulders shaking. Goddamn. An absolutely incorrect conclusion even after staring the truth in the face.
Kazuma also possessed a unique brand of stupid.
'I don't know what's going on in his head, but that was amazingly idiotic. As expected of my li'l bro! You and Sano truly are rivals in idiocy!'
The younger Kuwabara saw his sister give him a thumb's up sign, so he gave her a thumb's up sign in return, confident that she had his back on this.
Hiei grunted at the stupid, moronic human, his bandaged hand hovering over his face, his other hand itching to remove the seal over his (currently compromised) powers.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, but as the bearer of the Evil Eye, do you really think you're a match against the Dark Tyrant King's Dragon of the Darkness Flame?"
"...Wow, he really is chuunibyou, isn't he? You can't get more delusional than that," was Sanosuke's side comment of the whole affair while eating a bag of potato chips.
"Yep. That's totally something that a middle schooler who's playing pretend and still reads boy's action comics would say," confirmed Yahiko, who also partook in some of the delicious chips.
"HEY! STOP EATING OUR FOOD AND USING OUR MICROWAVE OVEN, YA CLUELESS, DENSE MOOCHERS!" shouted Shizuru, forgetting herself and her present priorities.
'I don't know who these people are, but I want to kill them. I have to, before this plague of Kuwabara clones gets any worse,' Hiei decided.
Rather than undo his right arm's bandages in order to unleash the Kokuryuha, Hiei grabbed hold of his blade (a western longsword this time, straight from Mukuro's stash of melee armaments) and unsheathed it, deciding to use his superior swordsmanship against his fellow former teammate.
"I see you've grown some chest hairs since last we met, you foolish human. Fine. If you want to face me head on, then let's see what you've got!"
The male Kuwabara gulped, again getting a mental highlight reel of kills that Hiei was responsible for since he met him. 'Is this really a good idea? Maybe Yukina-san would be happier with him... NO! He doesn't deserve her love!' Tears streamed over his face. 'DAMMIT, WHY HIM, YUKINA-SAN?!'
Kazuma's fears were then put to rest when Hiei tumbled over, far too weak to even lift his own sword. 'Ah.'
"Oniichan!" Yukina gasped. "I mean, Hiei-san...!"
Meanwhile, both Sanosuke and Yahiko laughed at Hiei's expense. "BWAHAHA! He really did it! He brought a toy sword he couldn't even lift! What a maroon!"
It took half a second for Kazuma to put two and two together. He'd been wondering why his Rei-Kan couldn't detect a stronger spiritual signature than usual from the fire demon.
'He must've used up all his spirit energy in some sort of battle, mission, or whatever. Which means...!'
Kuwabara cocked back his fist, ready to strike down the weakened Hiei. An opportunity of a lifetime if he ever saw one. He ended up striking a tree down instead, the wood splinters breaking against his knuckles.
'Dammit, I can't do it! I can't harm a weakened man, even if it is Hiei!'
A nerve throbbed on Hiei's temple while he kept trying to lift his heavy sword. 'This is pissing me off more.'
Yukina went to her brother's(?) side and said, "You're hurt, aren't you? That's why you don't have as much youki left!"
"..." Hiei pushed Yukina away... or would've, had he not the strength of a human child his size at the moment.
The koorime turned towards Kazuma and pleaded, "You're not the kind of human that would hurt a helpless demon, right? Kuwabara-kun?"
Another nerve became visible on Hiei's head. So did a vein.
The teenage Kuwabara froze (pun unintended) upon hearing his beloved's words. He'd already "leveled up" to being called "Kazuma-kun", but he got "demoted" back to being called "Kuwabara-kun" just now.
Shamed to submission because the thought of beating up Hiei did occur to him, he bowed down at the ice maiden in all fours.
"I'm so sorry, Yukina-san! I almost punched your non-blood-related brother's punchable face when the opportunity presented itself! I don't blame you if you ultimately choose him over me!"
"Eh? Non-blood-related...? Choose him over...?" Yukina went red. "What are you saying, K-Kazuma-kun!?"
The Younger Kuwabara pumped his fist inward. 'Yes! I'm back to 'Kazuma-kun' level!'
Even more veins and nerves popped up on Hiei's head.
"You can't do that, Miss Ice Chick!" said Sano, who picked up Hiei by the scruff of his cloak, placed him on one knee, and started to spank him. "If this delusional kid really is non-blood-related, then he should be disciplined when he misbehaves."
By then, Hiei's head had become a mass of throbbing veins and nerves.
Both Kazuma and Yukina went white as sheets at the spectacle, unable to articulate their horror.
Yahiko nodded sagely, his arms crossed and his eyes closed. "That's right. That's the only way naughty children can learn their... Hey, hold on. My Spirit Detector is going berserk! It's detecting a huge influx of power! And it's A-Level...!"
The yankee Kuwabara's blood curdled. 'Wait, I thought all his youki was depleted. Then how can he...?'
"Jaou-En-Satsu... RENGOKU SHOU!"
In retrospect, after everything they'd gone through, Sagara and Myojin shouldn't have been so dismissive of the idea that this pint-sized brat actually possessed powers.
If a rose-wielding effeminate boy, an ugly Yankee that looked like a forty-year-old man, and an out-of-school youth running a ramen stand could prove to be the most powerful beings in the Human World and beyond, then why not this midget?
They should've known better.
"UWAAAAH! I thought you were just a chuunibyou kid with skunk hair! FORGIVE MEEE!"
Multiple explosions of fireballs and flaming fists later, and the charbroiled ghosts of Myojin and Sanosuke lay inside their respective craters, like Yamcha did in Dragon Ball Z when the Saibaman he fought did a suicide bomb attack on him.
"You've been running your mouths and doing anything you wanted for far too long. Serves you right." Hiei sneered, the bandages on his arm undone.
Like when Urameshi died for a second time, Hiei was able to raise his power levels through sheer anger and rage alone.
'I guess I can do what that idiot Yusuke can do too: Use extreme mood swings to replenish my lost power. Maybe with this ability, I can...!'
The diminutive youkai frowned, remembering his battles against the returning Younger Toguro in his weakened state (he had just blasted multiple fire dragons in succession to help out his comrades) and... that other frightening being serving under the Chojin.
He remembered the man who was able to withstand the full brunt of the Kokuryuha and still live to tell the tale. Not to mention one other perpetually smiling ghost swordsman whom Hiei couldn't touch.
'I'll get you yet, Dai Shin Kan.'
Kazuma, who looked like he was just about to piss himself, shakily congratulated, "I see you got your mojo back! Good for you, Hiei!" He let out a small squeal when the shorter demon turned his gaze upon him.
From all three of his open eyes.
Backpedaling fast, Kuwabara also thanked the youkai, saying, "You know, you really helped us out back when we fought Suzaku! Those Dragons of Darkness Flames really did the trick!"
"Wait, are you saying that that shrimp was the one who created all those huge flaming dragons that disintegrated everything in their path? You're joking!" asked Sano, who crawled over to where Kuwabara was to chime in, recovering faster than Yahiko did against the Purgatory Wound.
"That's what I was thinking when I first met him! I'm just glad the shrimp is on our side!" confirmed the orange-haired Yankee.
"OHO. Really? I'm on your side? This is the first I've ever heard of this," said Hiei, cracking his knuckles.
"P-Please forgive him, Oniichan! I mean, Hiei-san!" begged Yukina.
"Yes, Oniichan!" said Kuwabara without even thinking.
That hit Hiei's last nerve pretty hard.
'Oniichan... Oniichan... Oniichan...' the Jaganshi heard Kazuma's disgusting voice echo in his head.
Although Yahiko himself had regained consciousness at that point, he decided to play dead after tasting the wrath of the not-so-delusional Jaganshi.
"Jaou-En-Satsu... KOKURYUHA!"
"ONIICHAN, NO!" screamed Yukina. "Jeez, why are you two fighting anyway?! Big brother, you dummy!"
"EEEEK!" came Kuwabara's own shrill shout, his survival instincts making him bring out the Jigen Tou at the last minute.
"YAAARGH!" Even the mere shockwave from the dragon made of black flames was powerful enough to push Sanosuke back into the hole he crawled out of.
'Ah. Game over. Goodbye, house,' thought Shizuru, who promptly hid for cover.
A curious thing happened.
The one Darkness of Dragon Flame that the Jagan User blasted at Kuwabara got sliced apart care of the Dimension Sword a la what happened with Mukuro and her dimension-tearing powers.
Just as Hiei suspected. 'Even he has gotten stronger, huh?'
"I thought I was going to DIE! That close shave must have removed ten to twenty years off of my lifespan!" Kuwabara gasped and crumpled to the charred ground like a puppet whose strings were cut, his sweat dripping all over him like rain.
With a snort, the Jaganshi murmured something under his breath. "Even if you can do this, I'd never accept you as..." he trailed off, then grunted. 'What am I even saying?'
Yukina went beside Kazuma, her healing touch regenerating most of his superficial wounds and burns. 'So Hiei-san was just testing him... Right?'
She wasn't sure. Maybe Hiei wanted Kazuma dead after all. They seemed like good friends in her eyes, in any case, which made her glad. 'Ah, he fainted! Kazuma-kun, hang on!'
She then turned towards her brother... her not-brother... her non-blood-related brother... or maybe that was also a lie... and asked, "H-Hiei-san! Even if you aren't my brother, can I still consider you as one?"
Hiei, as per usual, harrumphed. With a sideways glance, he snorted and said, "Do whatever you want," before he walked away.
The stress he built up from dealing with the three Kuwabaras had given him enough of an energy boost to go back to at least A-Level power.
He still needed a lot of recovering to do in order to get his body back in S-Level shape, though. Then again, his (unacknowledged) sister did give him a nice parting gift that really made his youki rise more than his anger did.
For a fraction of a second before he left, Yukina smiled her brightest smile.
The (literally) burned out Yahiko took a peek at his Spirit Detector and took a second reading of the departing Hiei's power level.
Sure enough, it had risen even further than before, reaching Class-S. 'I guess it's not just anger that can raise your power levels, huh? Ya damn chuunibyou.'
Meanwhile, Shizuru poked a stick at the unmoving bodies of Myojin and Sagara. "If you two are still with us, then you should have your employer, Koenma, pay damages for our backyard. Do ghosts have ghost insurance or something?"
The female Kuwabara sighed and counted her blessings. At least their house was still standing, knowing who it was that these idiots pissed off.
The next day...
The recovering Yahiko slammed his fist on his palm. "Ah. I know a place we can eat dinner other than at the Kuwabaras'."
Sagara and Myojin both shuddered in remembrance of the psychotic midget with a third eye and a dragon tattoo that turned into a flaming energy blast that almost finished them off for good.
"Is it at Kabukicho? The ones with healthy naked young buxom ladies serving as dinner plates for sashimi?" suggested Sanosuke.
Myojin slammed his foot up Sagara's ass. "We're not going there. Also, why do even know about that when you couldn't even operate a microwave?"
"I actually look up important things," said Sano, his pinky picking his right ear hole.
"I'm a married man, moron. Besides, sexual relations with ghosts can kill living people. Have you never heard of Kaidan Botan Doro (The Tale of the Peony Lantern)?"
The plot of Botan Doro actually involved sex with the dead and the consequences of loving a ghost.
"Jeez, it was a joke! I know you're not the kind of husband who'd abandon your wife of a hundred years for even the pleasures of living flesh," said Sano while giving the sulking Yahiko a noogie. "Hey, wait. Botan...?"
"Yeah, it's the same name as that grim reaper chick that Kaoru was reincarnated as. If she really is her reincarnation," acknowledged the swordsman ghost. "Who knows? Maybe Botan was named after the tale."
Yahiko then tugged at Sanosuke's shirt. "Oh. OH! Here we are! The perfect place for the likes of us! And as expected, they left food!"
The two ended up in some sort of shrine situated within a large, Japanese-style traditional mansion, complete with dojo.
"Hey, Yahiko..." started Sano, "Didn't you just say we shouldn't trespass in other people's property?"
Yes, that statement came from the same man who attempted to break into the Kuwabara household for free food.
"Ssshh! I'm eating here!" And sure enough, that was what Yahiko did: Eat a rice bowl offered over incense and an altar. In front of the portrait of some sort of old man.
Weirdly enough, like with the ramen Yusuke offered and the real food they ate (that Shizuru had to throw away afterwards), not one morsel was actually consumed from the offering no matter how many bits of rice Yahiko ate.
No wonder Shizuru hated cleaning up after them. It was too much of a waste of good food that couldn't be eaten by the living anymore.
Sagara gulped. "Wait. Is that your...?"
"Yep. My ashes on my memorial altar set up by my family," said the teenager with a wan smile. Then, for a split second, Sanosuke saw Yahiko's youthful face get replaced by a smiling, liver-spotted, and frail old man.
Sano blinked again to see Myojin back to normal. Or how he mostly remembered him, in any case.
"That was delicious! Oh. Where are my manners? You want some alter offerings too, Sano? My great-great-great-granddaughter made them. She always does that when she's nervous about a test or wants to bring good luck to her family."
"I'm good." Sanosuke grinned. "I'll just fry some frogs or something. I'm not so insensitive as to steal the meals that your beloved great-grandchildren made for you, great-gramps!"
"It's great-great-great-grandchildren!" Yahiko chuckled. "Do you remember where your grave is? We might find some treats there. Or at least give your ghost some much-needed power boost."
"Nah, who even remembers me in this day and age?" Sano asked. "The Sekihoutai already passed on and so did you guys from Tokyo. That's why I didn't bother with reincarnation!"
A faint "ghost" of a smile formed on Yahiko's ghostly lips. "Yeah, I guess so."
Sano scratched his chin. "Y'know what? Fine. Why not? Let's look for my grave!"
Bored because it was a Sunday and there was no school for them to attend to so that they could pretend to be students while keeping tabs with their liaison, Kazuma, Sano and Yahiko ended up visiting a cemetery after all.
The Aoyama Cemetery in Minato, in particular. At midnight. When the (human) ghosts were out and about the most.
"Hey, cutie. Are you a samurai? I haven't seen you in these parts before!"
"I like the tall guy in the karate clothes. He looks absolutely manly and macho."
"I... I... I died a virgin! So if you would please...!"
'I'm a married man... I'm a married man... I have Tsubame now and forever...' the youngish samurai spirit reminded himself.
Yahiko then asked while ignoring the different lonely ghost girls that emerged from the cemetery graves, scoping him and Sano out, "Do you remember how you died?"
"Damndest thing, I don't remember anything about my death right now." Sanosuke scratched the side of his cheek. "Is that okay? Isn't that what happens to earthbound spirits in all those ghost stories? They don't remember how they died and get stuck on earth? I'm going to kill Koenma if he made us earthbound!"
Killing the God of Death. That sounded about right for Sano.
"Relax, Sano. Even in Heaven, spirits don't remember much about life on Earth unless they have some great longing they want to fulfill or something that triggers their memory," said Yahiko matter-of-factly.
"Where the hell is my grave anyway? Maybe I was buried in Shinshu..." Sano said. "It's kind of wild seeing all these single ladies in one place. It really is like Kabukicho!"
"...Yeah, and all of those girls are here because of differing, difficult circumstances."
"Just like Kabukicho escorts!" Sano remarked with a rub of his nose. "As long as you don't ask questions and let what happens in Kabukicho stay in Kabukicho, you'll be fine."
"Whatever, ya pervert," said Yahiko. "Just don't forget that many of these girls are old enough to be your great-granddaughters, gramps. Some might've even died of old age, so their youthful appearances are all lies."
"Eh. Nobody's perfect... and I'm an old man myself!" Sagara said. "I hear disco chicks back in the Nineteen Sixties were pretty lovely. Flirty, but not too clingy."
Myojin blinked. "Wait, disco? Wasn't that back in the Seventies and Eighties? You got your decades mixed up."
"Whatever! I want to hang out with Showa Era girls with the short miniskirts and pretty hair who loves to party!"
"Disco is as dead as everyone else in this cemetery, Sano. Also, what's wrong with Heisei girls? Like Neechan?"
"Eh? Neechan, huh? She's okay, I guess, but violent. There are some Heisei ladies I just can't stand, I'll admit. You know that thing where the girls tan themselves and wear neon makeup? I hate those."
"Oh. You mean Ganguro?" said Yahiko.
"Ganguro, huh? Sounds like some kind of skin disease or vitamin deficiency," said Sanosuke.
They stopped short in front of a beautiful woman with long, princess-cut hair that somehow remained in fashion since back in their days in the 19th Century, a good hundred years ago.
They also immediately knew that this misty-eyed female was different from the rest of the earthbound ghosts eyeing and catcalling them.
For one thing, she was wearing all-black western clothes and a dark veil, in contrast to either the girls wearing all-white funeral clothes or whatever wardrobe that was appropriate during the era when they lived (and died).
This meant that she wasn't a ghost but a mourner visiting the cemetery. Someone who was still alive.
For another thing, she was the spirit and image of a good friend of Yahiko and Sanosuke's back in the Meiji Era.
"M-M-Megu...!?"
"Um... Hello. Do I know you two gentlemen?" the long-haired cool beauty asked with a raised eyebrow.
To Be Continued...
I had fun mixing and matching superpowers for the S-Level, Demon-Sword-wielding Suzaku, particularly from all the famous fictional Electromagnetic Masters like Magneto, Ginji Amano, and Mikoto Misaka.
Too bad Suzaku was "booked" to be defeated by the end of the previous arc, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory. Besides which, he's the first Shin Ju to successfully steal the Demon Sword to boot!
Arrivederci,
Abdiel