So glad many of you are enjoying the story! Here is Chapter 6, Day 5 of Olivia's journey and gifts. But with a few bumps in the road, can they weather the storm? Let's read and find out. Don't forget to drop a review!
Monday, December 20th, 2021
The following day, Olivia was at work and her mind was reeling. Last night had been like something out of a dream. The fact that he even remembered she had always wanted skates for Christmas was still shocking to her. But the fact that he had brought his kids and Noah to the rink and shut the place down for just them was something she never would have dreamed up. She was still in a daze when she got to work, feeling like she was floating and she was sure it showed on her face.
But as soon as she pushed through the doors she knew it was going to be a hell of a day. The palace was buzzing, it was loud, people were running back and forth and all her happy feelings started to disappear. She stepped beside Fin's desk and frowned, "What'd I miss?"
Fin sighed, "We just got a call…all hands on deck. Gonna be a long day…"
She reached for her phone, "Where's Rollins and Valesco?"
"I sent them to the scene." He said quickly as they walked towards her office, "I wasn't trying to step on your toes or anything I just-"
She turned to look at him, "I made you second in command because I trust you more than anyone Fin. Thank you…I should have been here I just-"
"You just have a life." He said with a smile, "That's allowed…and I'm happy. Especially because you look happy."
She reached for the file on her desk, "What?"
He grabbed the file from her, "Give me thirty seconds and then you can jump into Badass Benson mode okay?"
She huffed and looked up at him "I have a job to do…"
"And we're already on it. You okay?" He asked, but she didn't respond, "Liv…how's it going with Elliot?"
"It's…" Her phone pinged in her pocket and she sighed, reaching for it, "Hang on a second…"
Assuming it was something to do with the case, she flipped open the phone. Instead, she was greeted with a picture sent in a group chat of all the Stablers and her. A picture of all 8 of them filled the screen with a message from Kathleen, Last night was great. We should make it a yearly tradition!
Her heart skipped a beat as Lizzie responded, Sounds like a plan to me!
Dickie soon followed, Okay. But next year we're racing for money. I could have taken Dad and Eli if you guys let me.
Shut up Dickie. All three girls replied.
Can you guys not say shut up in the group chat? Olivia will think we're animals. Elliot responded and then said, But skating every year sounds great. I'm in. A beat passed before he typed, You in Benson?
She knew they were all waiting, wondering what her answer would be. They were letting her in. Showing that they were okay with this. Trying to make her feel comfortable. Her eyes scanned over the picture again and she remembered that feeling of being with them all last night. She never wanted this feeling to go away.
"Liv?" Fin pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him, "The smile on your face tells me that you really are happy. And that's a good thing. You know that right?"
She bit down hard on her bottom lip for a moment before asking, "Is this okay?"
He didn't need her to elaborate, he understood what she was saying, "Of course it is. You only get one life Liv…it's time to start living it the way you want it."
She looked back down at the picture, all of their smiling faces. There was still a level of guilt, of fear, of worry but God she wanted this. She'd never wanted anything more. She could hear the hustle and bustle out in the squad room, her squad room. The palace where she'd met Elliot, the place where she had grown, where they'd fallen in love whether they meant to or not. Her life was different now, so different but after all this time, she still wanted this.
Taking a deep breath, she began to type out her message, I'm in!
And almost instantly all of them responded with some sort of emoji or a heart on the text. Her heart soared. Time really was a funny thing…a scary thing as Elliot had mentioned. But maybe it was time to finally get it right. She slipped her phone in her pocket and looked up at Fin again, "Okay. Let's get to work."
At his own office, Elliot sat at his desk smiling down at the picture and the response from Olivia. He couldn't deny the fact that he'd been holding his breath until she responded. He knew she was busy at work but it had felt like an eternity waiting for her response even if it was only a minute. He wanted to know that she was in, that she wanted this just as much as he did. He knew he must look like a fool when he heard Bell laughing at him and his face quickly fell, "Oh…hey…I was just-"
"Daydreaming about a certain brunette Captain?" She asked, sitting on the edge of his desk.
He blushed and put his phone down, "Am I that obvious?"
Shooting him a look she laughed, "Uh…yeah. It took about five seconds for me to pick up on the tension between you. Not that I hadn't heard the stories over the years…"
He groaned and stood up walking over to get some coffee, "Oh God…let's not and say we did, okay?"
She laughed harder and followed him, "I hate to break it to you Stabler…but everyone knows about the Benson and Stabler saga."
"She's right." Jet called from her own desk, "I may have been in diapers when this all started but even I know about it."
Elliot huffed and glared at them both, "So are you both gonna grill me now?"
Bell and Jet shared a look and then Bell turned back to him, "I wouldn't say that I'm grilling you…just pointing out the obvious. And…"
Leaning against the counter behind him he frowned, "And what?"
"And…" She crossed her arms over her chest and walked up to him, "And pointing out that Captain Benson is a hell of a woman."
Elliot snorted and put his coffee down, "Uh yeah. I know that. You don't need to tell me. I think I've known her a little longer than you."
"Yes…" Ayanna whispered, "You have. But you also missed a lot. And I know she told you somethings…but I guess it might be girl code but I'm just saying…if you aren't totally sure don't do this. It's not fair."
Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, "Ayanna…"
"Basically what she's saying…" Jet said walking over to him, "Is that we don't know how or why she hasn't kicked your ass yet. However, that doesn't mean she can't still do it. And she could take you. So…are you serious about this? About her?"
"So this is a grilling." He said looking between them, "I didn't realize you were both so invested in our relationship…"
"He's blushing." Jet said, nudging Bell, "He's actually blushing…"
Ayanna laughed, "Yes he is. Which means he does care…"
Elliot stood up a little straighter and then whispered, "Olivia…means more to me than I could possibly explain. And yes…I know I hurt her. I'll probably never be able to see the depths of that pain but I'm going to do everything I can to make it up to her now. And I won't stop trying."
"And…" Bell said, leaning into him with wide eyes.
"And what?" He said with a smirk, "And what?"
"And…" She asked again, "Do you love her?"
His heart jumped in his chest and he had to look down, his voice cracked as he spoke but both women knew he was being honest, "I don't remember a time when I didn't love her…"
Bell and Jet looked at each other and then Jet nodded, before walking away. He looked up and Bell smiled, "That was her giving her approval."
Elliot chuckled and wiped a nervous hand over his face, "And do I have yours?"
Bell looked him over and then replied, "You've had a hell of a year Stabler…and I know it's all been really complicated. More complicated than I could probably even understand. But…you're still standing. That says a lot."
He shook his head and spoke from his heart, "I wouldn't still be standing if it wasn't for her…"
"No. You wouldn't." She reached out and squeezed his arm, "You deserve to be happy. Don't forget that…okay?"
He took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm working on it…"
She smiled and looked past him, "Looks like we're getting some more snow…"
He followed her gaze and looked out the window, "Wasn't in the forecast."
"When do they ever actually get it right?" Ayanna said with a sigh, "Maybe we will have a White Christmas this year…"
Elliot watched the snow fall and thought of his gift for Olivia tonight, he smiled that the magic of Christmas was still alive after all.
The day was passing in a blur of activity and Olivia had a pounding headache. The perp they were after was more sadistic than most. More calculated. The pictures from the crime scenes alone were giving her major anxiety and causing her PTSD to flare up. She was trying desperately to keep it under control, she was Captain now. She had to be strong. Always. But every now and then, she saw Fin and Amanda shooting her worried looks from across the room but she didn't have time for any of that now.
"Sorry guys, but any plans you had tonight are gonna have to go on the back burner." She said with a sigh, "We're gonna be here all night."
Amanda frowned, "I'm gonna go call Carisi…see if he can get the girls tonight."
Olivia nodded, "Yeah sure. I'm gonna call Lucy in a bit. Take your time and then call Alicia and ask her if she's ready to give her statement."
"On it Cap." She said with a sympathetic smile as she walked away.
Fin watched her leave and then walked over to his boss, "Liv-"
"Sorry Fin. I know you were supposed to see Phoebe's family tonight but I need you here. We gotta get this guy." She said with a huff.
Fin nodded, "Don't worry about that. They know how this works…we'll reschedule. It's fine."
She nodded and flipped through the file in her hand, "Good. I'm gonna have to call McGrath unfortunately. He wants me to keep him in the loop. But no matter what he says, we're listening to all the victims that came forward. Okay?"
Fin nodded, "Of course. You're in charge Cap." She smiled and then reached for another file, "Uh…I know you said you're gonna call Lucy but aren't you forgetting someone?"
She looked up at him and frowned, "Not that I can think of…" Fin gave her a look and she frowned, "Fin what are you-" And then she understood, "Oh."
"Yeah. Oh." Fin said leaned against his desk, "You're supposed to see Elliot again tonight."
She groaned and ran a hand through her hair, "Damn it. Well…he's gonna have to understand. He knows how this works more than anyone…I'll just shoot him a text in a bit and-"
"Call him." Fin said sternly, she looked back at him with a nervous expression and he pointed at her, "You may be my superior but you're all my friend. Call him. Don't text. Yes he'll understand but he deserves a call so he knows you aren't running…"
Her mouth hung open and she whimpered, "I'm not running! I have to work!"
"I know." He said with a nod, "But…you have a tendency to run when things get a bit scary."
She growled and started to stomp back to her office, "Don't you dare Fin. Don't you dare!"
Fin sighed and followed her, closing the door behind her, "Olivia…"
"He's the one that ran." Her voice shook as she rounded her desk, "He took off without a single word and disappeared for ten years. Ten whole years Fin…that was him. Not me."
Fin nodded, "I know. I know and you are right. But you did try to run before…" She gave him a look, "Computer Crimes…Oregon."
"That was a million years ago!" She shouted, "And we weren't…and I wasn't…he wasn't…"
"No. You weren't. It was just as complicated as it was when he left ten years ago Liv." He whispered, she looked down, "I'm not saying the two things are the same because they aren't. Not by a long shot. But…I'm just saying that he is probably scared too. And he's been trying really hard to show you he cares. He deserves a phone call…" She gave him a look and he shrugged, "Even if he didn't give you one back then…"
She huffed and tossed a pen down on her desk, "You're dismissed Sergeant."
Fin knew when he needed to back down, so he stepped back, "I'll go check in on Amanda with Alicia…and then I'll call the hospital again."
"You do that." She said with a sigh as she sat down at her desk, "I'll be here. Doing my job."
Fin nodded once and stepped backwards towards the door, "Copy that Cap…"
"And shut the door behind you." She called quickly.
When the door slammed shut she dropped her head into her hands and groaned. It was times like these when she didn't know how long she could keep up with this job. It took her on a rollercoaster at any given moment. She was so damn happy this morning, so hopeful and now she was frustrated about the case, annoyed she would have to miss a night with Elliot and their families, and even more annoyed with what FIn had said even though she knew he was right. Picking up her phone, she scrolled through her text messages and looked at the picture of all of them again and her heart ached…
She had to make the call. She just wished she didn't…
Elliot was sitting at his desk typing up a report. He was leaving at a normal time tonight, still working part time. He was shocked at how well he was adjusting to it. He'd spent so much of his life working nonstop but he realized now that he needed a break and his kids needed time with him too. It was giving him the opportunity to get his head together, make better choices and be the Father he needed to be. And hopefully…the friend that Olivia needed so that they could take the next steps in their relationship.
Glancing out the window, he saw that it was still snowing, in fact snowing harder than he had anticipated. Pulling open the bottom drawer of his desk, he took out the gift he had for Olivia that he still needed to wrap. The snowglobe in his hand showed the New York City landscape and a woman standing in central park looking out at her city. She had a red coat on and dark hair and the moment he had seen it he of course thought of her. Flipping it over, the water swirled and the snowflakes danced around inside. He envisioned her in that position so many times, looking out at the city, staring up at the same moon as him even thousands of miles away. And now, finally, they were in the same place at the same time.
"God you really do have it bad." Bell said with a laugh as she walked over to him, "That for Benson?"
His cheeks flushed but he nodded, "Uh yeah…think she'll like it?"
Reaching out, she took the snowglobe from him and peered down through the glass, "Look at you being a hopeless romantic…"
He frowned, "You don't think it's too cheesy?"
She shrugged and shook her head, "Let me guess…you found this and thought of her?" He nodded, "So you tell her that…about all the times you thought of her. She needs to hear that. To know that she mattered…"
He reached out and took the snowglobe again, "She always mattered…"
Ayanna nodded and dropped her hands into her lap, "Have you two talked…about…"
He tensed, the look on her face told him exactly what she was alluding to, "We've…talked a little. What she was comfortable telling me." He reached for the box in the corner of his desk, "I read the files or as much as I could…"
Ayanna took a deep breath and looked out the window, "It shook the whole NYPD up…especially all of us women." Elliot looked back at her, "To know that someone as strong as Olivia Benson could have endured that…" She frowned and looked down, "I didn't sleep for weeks and it didn't even happen to me."
Elliot frowned and placed the snowglobe in the box, "I should have been here. It never would have happened if I was here."
"You don't know that." She whispered, "William Lewis-"
"Don't say his name." He said through gritted teeth and he sighed, "Sorry I just…hearing his name makes me nauseous."
They stood there quietly for a moment until she spoke again, "Every day we're on this job…there are risks. You can't protect her from everything just like she can't protect you from everything. It's life…"
"Yeah…life." He said with a sad smile, "I still should have been here…"
"You're here now…" She whispered, "And I can tell you're trying. That's all she can ask for too…just remember…" His eyes lifted up to hers, "Be patient with her. I mean really patient…"
He shifted in his seat, "I am…"
"I know." She said with a nod, "I also know things seem really good today. But that doesn't mean they will be everyday…that she won't pull away. And you're gonna have to not react…not push her."
Things had been so good the last few days, and he was so wrapped up in all the possibilities. He was thinking about all the good days, he wasn't thinking much about the bad days. Yes he'd said he'd be there, that he wasn't leaving. But he hadn't considered how she would panic at some point more than likely and she had ever reason to. At that moment, his phone rang and he looked at Ayanna, "I need to…"
She nodded and looked down realizing it was Olivia's name on the front of his phone, "Yeah. Of course."
He waited until she had walked away before he lifted the phone to his ear to answer, "Hey. I was just thinking about you."
Immediately he could hear the familiar sound of a busy squad room. Phones ringing, people shouting, someone crying and he knew what she was going to say next, "Hey."
He tried to keep his voice calm, to not let her hear that he was disappointed, "Running a tight ship over there Captain…"
He heard her sigh, whisper something to someone and then say, "Uh yeah. El, look I know we had plans to have dinner with the boys tonight but I'm gonna have to cancel. I'm sorry." He heard the rustling of papers and a muffled, "No. I'll handle it…I'll call the hospital next. Just go down to the MD's office. Thanks." She sighed again, "El I-"
"No. It's okay." He said sliding the box away from him, "I get it. You know I get it." He heard someone else talking to her for a moment and he waited, "Maybe tomorrow…"
"El, I don't know what tomorrow looks like. Or the day after. Or a week from now. Okay? I…I need to go." She grumbled, she didn't mean to take it out on him but she was drowning and he was the closest thing to her that she could push away. Damn Fin for being right.
His heart jumped in his chest, "Liv…I'm not trying to-"
"I know. I know. And the last few days have been great…but ten days of this isn't possible when you're…" She groaned and yelled something to someone, "Look, I have to go. Tell Eli I'm sorry."
"Do you need help with Noah?" He asked, hopeful that she would maybe allow him to take Noah again, "I mean I can get him or-"
"No." She answered abruptly, "I have Lucy. He's not…he's not your responsibility."
Lowering his head he sighed, "Liv…I don't see him as a responsibility. I just want-"
"I have to go. I'll…I'll try and call you soon okay? I gotta get back to work. Bye El." And then she hung up.
"Liv-" But he dropped the phone and sighed, pressing his fingers against the bridge of his nose, "Damn it."
Ayanna walked by him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder as she passed, "Remember what I said about that patience Stabler…"
He looked back out the window and saw the snow falling even harder, "Ayanna…I think I'm gonna head out early today. That okay?"
She looked back at him and frowned, "Only if you promise not to do anything stupid…"
He smiled and shook his head, "I just want to go see my kid…that's it."
She nodded slowly, "Alright. Slow here anyway…go on."
He nodded once, grabbed his coat, keys, phone and finally the box he had intended on giving Olivia tonight and then walked out of the office, trying not to let the disappointment take over him or the worry that he was going to lose her before this had even really started…
Another hour had passed and Olivia was drowning in her office. The phones were ringing nonstop. They had more than a dozen victims and witnesses littering the squadroom and it felt like there weren't enough people to handle everything at once. She was already exhausted.
"Liv, McGrath called while you were on the phone with Mercy. He wants you to call him back right away. He sounded pissed." Amanda said from the doorway.
"When is he not pissed?" She grumbled lifting a pad of paper on her desk, "Where did the file about Sarah Larson go? I want to run the prints from her case against the ones we got this morning at the crime scene. Both seem too close to not be connected."
"It's on my desk." Amanda said quickly, "Fin was gonna-"
"Well can you get it for me please?" She asked in an irritated tone.
Amanda stepped back, "Uh…yeah sure. Hold on a second. Sorry Cap."
Olivia sighed and pressed her hands to her forehead, "Amanda. Wait…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap…I'm just…"
Amanda smiled sadly and then nodded, "I know Liv. I know…and it's okay."
Olivia smiled softly, "Can you please get me the file?" Amanda nodded and turned, "Thank you…"
"No problem." She called to her as she walked away.
As she walked out of the office, her phone rang and she reached for it, assuming it was something about the case, "Detective Benson." As soon as she heard the automated message she groaned, "Shit…"
Amanda and Fin both walked in and saw the look on her face, "What now?"
Olivia sighed and looked out her window, "I didn't realize how bad it was getting out there…they are sending the kids home early from school. I need to call Lucy and see if she can get Noah now."
Fin reached out and took the file from her desk, "I'll run the prints. You deal with that."
"Thank you." She said gratefully and then quickly called Lucy, "Hey Lucy I-"
"Olivia, I was just trying to call you. The train broke down because of the storm and I'm stuck. I know I'm supposed to get Noah later but I'm not sure how long this will take and-"
"Oh. Oh no, are you okay?" Olivia asked with a grimace, "What can I do?"
"Nothing. I'm fine. We're all handling it. But I just wanted you to know in case I get stuck here longer than expected."
She sighed, "Well actually they are closing school early. I need to go get Noah now…"
"Oh Olivia…I'm so sorry. I feel terrible. Maybe-"
"Lucy, it's not your fault at all. Don't worry! I've got everything under control. Keep me updated on you. Get home safe and stay warm. If you need anything, let me know. Don't worry for a second about Noah." She said.
"Alright." She whispered, "Have a good night Olivia. Tell Noah I said hi."
Olivia hung up and then took a moment to try and think. With a heavy sigh, she stood up and walked out to the squad room which seemed even more hectic than a few minutes ago, "Fin."
He turned to her, "We're gonna run the prints on Katie's case too just in case." He said and then saw the look on her face, "You okay?
She shook her head, "Lucy is stuck because of the storm and I need to get Noah…" She gestured around the room, "But…all hell's breaking loose here and-"
"Olivia." He cut her off and she stood up a little straighter.
"Fin I can't…I was a jerk on the phone earlier. And I can't run to him every time I have a problem." She whispered.
"Yeah you can." He said with a smile, "Isn't that the point of…being in a relationship?"
"We're not in a relationship." She grumbled, "We're…we're…"
"You're Elliot and Olivia." He said with a laugh, "Yeah…I know how this works."
She looked down at her phone, "I feel guilty…"
"Yeah well…so does he." He said with a smile, "As he should. But…he'll pick up the kid. You know he will. Besides, if you two are gonna do the whole coparenting thing…might as well start now."
She groaned and shoved him as she stepped back again, "I hate you, you know that?"
Fin chuckled, "Call him!" He yelled after her for the second time that day.
At his place, Elliot was sitting at the counter going through the mail. He didn't feel like reading most of the Christmas cards. Words of sympathy for the first year without Kathy weren't going to cheer him up today. He put them in a pile in the corner and focussed on the bills as the door opened and Eli walked in.
"Hey Dad." He said, shivering.
Elliot glanced up at the clock, "What are you doing home so early? Eli if you skipped school-"
"They sent us home early because of the storm. You didn't get a call?" He asked hanging up his coat on the hook by the door.
Elliot frowned and reached for his phone, he'd been avoiding it. He saw he had a missed call and lifted it to his ear listening to the automated message telling him that in fact Eli's school had been closed. "Hm."
Eli walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, "See? Not lying…"
"Sorry…" He mumbled and put the phone down, "I didn't mean to…"
"I know." Eli said as he took a drink out and popped open the cap, "Where's Grandma B?"
"She's lying down." Elliot said, running a tired hand over his face, "She was up late watching some old Christmas movie she loves on repeat…"
Eli chuckled, "She does like to do that." He saw his Father smile weakly and then stand up, moving things around in the kitchen, "We still getting dinner with Noah and Olivia?" He saw his Father tense, "Dad?"
Ellio turned to look at him and shook his head, "No…she has to work." Eli gave him a look and Elliot shrugged, "You know how it works kid…"
"I do." Noah said with a nod, "And so do you. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck."
"Hm." He said with a laugh, "Yeah well…I'll make us dinner with whatever we have in the fridge. Sorry."
Eli shrugged, "Whatever is fine." He watched as his Father nodded but he could tell that he was disappointed, "Last night was fun…"
Elliot looked at him and then turned away, "Yeah…it was. Glad everyone enjoyed it."
He shifted nervously by the sink, "I uh…I know I don't know Olivia that well." Elliot tensed again, "But I like her…she's been great. I can see why you all care about her so much…"
"You know she was there when you were born, right?" Eli nodded, "If we had stayed in New York…or if I had least made better choices and called…she would have been in your life. She loved you then…she loves you now."
Eli looked down, "Mom told me that she was really scared that day…but that Olivia never left her side."
Elliot smiled sadly thinking about how scared he had been that day. But also how confusing it had all been. He'd never regret the birth of his son. He loved him more than anything. But he also knew that day that he and Olivia had let go of something, of what could have been and it had been hard. And when he had hugged her in that hospital hallway, he hoped she understood everything he had been trying to say. "Yeah…she's good like that."
"You know what I find interesting." Eli said as he pushed himself off the sink, Elliot waited for him to continue, "People who are so good at helping others…seem to have the most trouble asking for help when they need it themselves."
Elliot watched him start to walk towards his room, "Eli…"
"I have some reading to do for class. If you need help with dinner. Let me know." He called back to him.
Elliot watched his youngest son until the bedroom door shut behind him. Then he turned, reached for his phone and went to sit in front of the Christmas tree in the living room. Some movie played in the background but he wasn't paying attention to it. He was thinking about what Eli had said. He was right. She wouldn't ask for help, just like he never did either. But she somehow always knew when he needed her most. And even after everything he had done, all he had put her through, she was still right beside him during the hard days.
He just wished she'd let him in for hers.
As if on cue, his phone began to ring and he was more than surprised when he saw her name pop up. Lifting it to his ear he spoke softly, "Hey…"
Once again he heard the insanity of the squad room behind her but she herself sounded different, "Uh hey…Elliot. Me again…look first I want to apologize for-"
"Nothing to apologize for." He assured her leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "You know I get how it goes…"
She sighed again, "Yeah…I guess you do." She paused for a moment, "Even still…I didn't mean to be so snippy. I just haven't had a minute to breathe today and…and I was calling because…"
And then he had a thought, "Did Noah's school close too? Eli just got home."
He heard her fidgeting on the other end of the phone, "Yes…and Lucy can't get him and I'm stuck here and I hate asking but-"
"I've got it covered Liv." He said quickly as he stood up, "Call the school, tell them I may be a bit late but I'm on my way. Do you want me to stay with him at your place or-"
"No…" She whispered, "I mean…Eli needs you and that's not fair and hopefully I'll be back but…"
He heard someone yelling to her from the squad room, "Then are you okay with me taking him here for the night?" He heard her inhale sharply and he said, "Liv…tell me whatever you want me to do and I'll do it. This is your call…"
She took a moment, "You'd…you'd really be okay with him staying with you?"
He smiled as he grabbed his keys, "Absolutely. I think the real question is…are you okay with him staying with me?"
Another few seconds passed before she whispered, "Yes."
"Well alright then." He said, letting out a sigh of relief, "I've got it from here. I'll call you when we're settled. Everything is fine…you keep kicking ass but please be safe. The boys and I need you in one piece…"
The fact that he had said boys didn't go unnoticed by her and it made her want to cry, "Elliot…thank you."
"Nothing to thank me for." He whispered, "I'll talk to you later."
After he hung up, he walked to his son's room and knocked on the door. 'Come in."
Pushing the door open he smiled, "Uh hey…Liv's stuck at work and Noah's Nanny can't pick him up. I'm uh…I'm gonna grab him and bring him back here. That okay with you?"
Eli sat up in bed and dropped his book down, "Yeah sure. He can take my room."
Elliot shook his head, "No. He'll take my room. I can take the couch. Thanks for the offer though…if Grandma wakes up before I get back-"
"I've got it covered." He said with a smile, "Take your time. Drive safe. It's bad out there."
"I will. I'll call." He said with a smile, "And uh…Eli?" His son waited. "Thanks."
Eli smiled and repeated the same words he had just said to Olivia, "Nothing to thank me for Dad."
Elliot pulled up in front of Noah's school and jumped out, trying not to slip in the snow as he walked up to the front door. One of the teachers inside opened it and he brushed the snow off of himself, "I'm sorry…it took longer to get here than I expected. Are you going to be okay going home?"
She smiled, "I live just down the street. No worries." She turned, "Noah. Mr. Stabler is here to get you."
Noah hopped down from the bench in the hallway and walked over to them, "Hey Elliot. Mom okay?"
Elliot smiled and reached out to squeeze his arm, "Yeah bud. She's okay. She just got stuck at work…and the storm held up Lucy too. You're gonna come hang with me and Eli tonight. That okay?"
Noah's face lit up, "Really?"
Elliot smiled, "Really. I grabbed some of your stuff from your Mom's apartment. We're gonna head to my place."
Noah turned back to his teacher, "Have a good night Mrs. Kent."
"You too Noah." She said with a smile, "You too."
Elliot put his arm around Noah and led him towards the car, "Make sure you buckle up. Roads are pretty slippery."
Noah secured himself in the backseat and watched Elliot as he carefully pulled out of his spot, "So…Mom's okay with me staying at your house?"
Elliot smiled as he steered through the snowy city streets, the roads were mostly empty, "Seems to be. You sure you're good with it?"
Noah shrugged, "I've had sleepovers at Aunt Amanda's and Uncle Fin's…"
Elliot nodded and turned left, "Yeah…well you know them a bit better than me."
Noah looked at him through the mirror, "Yeah…true."
Elliot continued to drive carefully, "So if you don't feel comfortable…you can tell me and-"
"Mom trusts you." Noah said softly, "So that means I do too…"
Elliot smiled softly at him as he stopped at a red light, "I've got ya kid. I promise."
Noah nodded and looked out the window at the snowy streets and he knew that Elliot meant what he said. He had nothing to worry about tonight…
Close to 8:30, Elliot saw his youngest son, Bernie and Noah sitting around the coffee table playing a game and his heart soared. It felt so normal. Eli and Bernie had welcomed him with open arms as soon as they walked through the door. There was nothing awkward about it, no hesitation. And for that he was grateful.
Bernie stood up and walked towards him, "Your son is cheating again…"
Elliot chuckled as he cleared the table, "He learned it from you…"
"Yeah well…" She laughed and then looked back at the boys, "Noah's a sweet kid. A very sweet kid…very polite."
Elliot's face flushed and he whispered, "And he learned that from his Mom…"
She smiled as she watched him putting dishes into the sink, "I'm sorry your night with her was interrupted."
He sighed and turned back to her, "Hazards of the job and all…I know how it is."
"I know." She whispered, "But you've been working so hard to make things good between you two. You were supposed to take the boys and her out to dinner, weren't you?"
He shrugged and adjusted the sleeves of his shirt as he ran the water, "We can do it another time. No rush."
The boys were laughing and she looked back at them, "Eli cares about him…I can see it in his face." Elliot froze as she turned to him, "And you care about him too…"
Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, never turning to her as he spoke, "All Olivia ever wanted was to be a Mother. And to get to see her with him…it means a lot to me. Especially after…"
Walking over to her son she placed a hand on his back, "She wouldn't leave him with just anyone Elliot. Only someone she really trusted…" He looked down at her and she whispered, "Just remember that when you start to lose faith…" She nudged his hip, "He should start getting ready for bed…I'm sure he'll stall a bit. Call Olivia so he can talk to her before he goes to sleep."
Elliot leaned down and kissed her cheek, "I love you Mama."
Turning back to the boys, he dried his hands and walked over to them, "Alright you two…I think we're gonna have to table this game for the night."
"Fine by me. He's kicking my a-" Elliot shot his son a look and Eli smiled sheepishly, "Butt anyway…"
"Nice save." Noah said with a chuckle, he turned to Elliot, "Do I have to go to bed?"
Elliot nodded, "Yes…your Mom trusted me to get you settled. School will more than likely be fine tomorrow so you need to get some sleep. You're not on break yet."
Noah rolled his eyes, "Fine…"
"Hey…" Elliot said pointing a finger at him, "None of that Mister."
Noah smiled and stood up, "Okay…"
Elliot looked at him curiously, "What's that look for?"
Noah's face fell softly and he shook his head, "Uh…nothing." He pointed down the hall, "I'm gonna go change. Am I sleeping on the couch?"
Elliot shook his head, "No…you can have my bed tonight. I'll be good on the couch. I want to make sure you're comfortable."
Noah looked at him for a moment, walked closer and then slowly wrapped his arms around his waist, "Thanks Elliot."
Elliot was caught off guard by the gesture but hugged him back, "No problem buddy…" Ruffling his hair he whispered, "Go on…"
Noah pulled away, grabbed his bag and then walked towards the bathroom. Elliot looked to see his Mom and Eli both smiling at him with a knowing look. Elliot frowned, "Now you're all looking at me funny…do I have something on my face?"
"No." Bernie whispered, "That's not it…"
Elliot turned to her and then his son, "Then what is it?"
"That's probably the first time he's ever had someone like a Dad tell him what to do…" Eli answered, "Might mean more to him than you realize…"
Elliot took a deep breath and looked down the hall, "Oh."
Eli stood up and placed the pieces of the board game back into the box, "And from my experience…having Elliot Stabler look out for you as your Dad…means you're pretty lucky."
Elliot looked back at him, "Eli…"
He smiled and pointed to his room, "I'm gonna go finish some homework. Night."
As he walked away, Elliot's heart started pounding in his chest. He heard his Mother clear her throat behind him, "Ma…"
"Make sure he knows that you're not just here for his Mother. But you're here for him too." She whispered, and then she walked away leaving him with his thoughts once more.
Standing outside his bedroom, he could hear Noah on facetime with Olivia. He didn't want to intrude but he couldn't help himself, he wanted to make sure they were both okay.
"So…you sure you're okay?" Olivia asked anxiously, "I mean I can try and leave soon and-"
"No. I'm good Mom. You need to work. It's okay." He settled against the headboard of the bed, "Elliot, Eli and Bernie have been great. I'm good."
Olivai sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry that this happens so often…you know I wish I could be with you, right?"
"I know Mom. But I also know you work a lot to keep everyone safe. Especially me." He said with a smile, "It's okay."
"I have Christmas off…" She whispered, "And Uncle Fin is on call that day…not me. I promise nothing will keep me from being home with you that day. Okay?"
"Are we going to spend Christmas with Elliot and his kids?" He asked hopefully.
Out in the hallway, Elliot's heart flipped in his chest. They hadn't discussed it, but it was one of the ten days he had planned and he hoped her answer would be yes. "Oh…" She whispered, "Well…I'm not sure honey. You know that…this is their first Christmas without their mom and that's going to be really hard. It'll be okay if it's just us…right?"
Noah smiled, but Elliot could see a little disappointment on his face, "Yeah. Of course."
Someone was calling to her from behind her, "Honey, I gotta go. But please be good, try and get some sleep. I'll call you before you go to school in the morning. I love you."
"I love you too Mom. Be safe." Noah asid giving her a wave.
When he hung up, Elliot knocked quietly on the door, "Hey kid…you good in here?"
Noah looked up and smiled, " Yeah…I'm good. Was just saying goodnight to Mom. She wanted to say hi but work…"
Elliot smiled and sat down on the edge of his bed, "No worries. I know how it goes."
Noah looked down nervously, "Are you sure it's okay that I'm sleeping in here?"
Elliot nodded, watching him carefully, "Of course. Unless…you aren't comfortable?"
Noah shook his head, "No I just don't want you to be put out…I'm okay on the couch."
Elliot smiled, "Nah. You're good here kid. Don't worry about me. Years of sleeping in my car on stake outs or at the precinct…I can sleep anywhere."
Noah smiled, "So can Mom…"
Elliot shifted for a moment and then started to speak again, "Uh…Noah I wanted to talk to you about something before you go to bed. Is that okay?"
Noah nodded, "Sure." He paused and then smiled, "Is this the part where I ask you what your intentions are with my Mom?"
Elliot couldn't help but laugh and he squeezed his knee, "Yeah…maybe."
Noah sat up and leaned forward, "Okay then. Elliot Stabler…what are your exact intentions with my Mom?"
Elliot stared at him, this young boy that though he wasn't her biological child, he had so much of his Mother's goodness. He could see it in his eyes. He knew that he'd do anything for this kid. He'd give his life if necessary. Not just for Olivia, but because he cared about him too, even after such a short time, "Noah…I love your Mother." Noah continued to stare at him expectantly, "What I mean is…I'm in love with your Mother. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"You mean not in the way Uncle Fin loves Mom but the way he loves Phoebe." He said with a smile.
Elliot nodded, "Yeah…exactly." Noah just continued to look at him, "And I guess I'm wondering how you feel about that…"
Noah looked down at his lap, and his voice dropped low, "When you took me out to dinner the other night…you said you weren't going anywhere."
"I did say that." When Noah didn't move he scooted closer to him, "And I meant that. I still do…"
Noah still didn't look up, "Peter said that too…"
Elliot frowned, he'd had it out with Olivia over Tucker and Brian but he was under the impression that Noah wasn't old enough at the time she was with them to realize what was going on. Peter…Peter was a name he hadn't heard yet, "Peter?"
Noah took a moment then lifted his head, "He and Mom never dated…but they were friends. Like you two are. And he helped me with baseball…hung around a lot. And I liked it when he was with us. But then one day…he was just gone. And I never heard from him again and I always thought…" His shoulders lifted sadly, 'I always thought maybe it was something I did wrong. That maybe…if I wasn't around he'd still be friends with Mom and she wouldn't have been so sad again. I hate it when she is sad.."
"Noah." Elliot said, reaching out to him, "I don't know who Peter is…but he's a fool for walking away from you and your Mom." Noah looked up at him with sad eyes, "Just like I was a fool for walking away from your Mom so many years ago."
Noah fidgeted anxiously, "So does that mean you won't do it again?"
"I love your Mom." He whispered, "But I'm not just here for her…I'm here for you too. In whatever way you feel comfortable with. As a friend…or…"
"As a Dad?" He asked quickly and then his cheeks burned red and he leaned back, "I uh…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
Elliot smiled at him, "When I say I'm in love with your Mom…that means that someday if she feels the same way…I'd like to marry her."
Noah's eyes went wide, "Really?"
"Really." Elliot replied honestly, "And that would mean…"
"That you'd be my Dad…" He whispered, and Elliot nodded, "And…and you'd want that? Even with all the kids you already have?"
Elliot smiled and said, "I've got five great kids. But I'd be one lucky man if I got one more named Noah Benson…"
"Maybe it could be Noah Benson-Stabler?" He asked with a twinkle in his eyes, "Just a thought…"
Elliot laughed and leaned in, "I like the way you think kid…"
Noah leaned forward and hugged him, "She might not be ready just yet…but she will be. I know she will be. She hasn't smiled this much in a long time…that has to mean something."
Elliot smiled and held him tight, "I sure hope so." Pulling back he adjusted the blankets around him, "You warm enough?" Noah nodded, "Alright…well try and get some sleep, okay? I'll be out in the living room if you need me. Don't feel like you can't wake me up."
"Okay." He said laying down in the bed, "Thanks for everything Elliot…"
"Anytime." He said, reaching out to turn out the light, "Night buddy."
"Hey Elliot?" Noah called as he walked towards the door.
Elliot turned back to him, "Yeah?"
"If…if you do get married." He sat up slowly, "Would it be okay if I called you Dad? Not…not Elliot?"
He smiled and squeezed the door frame to hold himself together, "Absolutely."
"Okay." Noah whispered, "Just…just wanted to check." He lay back down, "Night."
"Goodnight." He flipped off the second light and then slowly closed the door behind him.
Leaning against the wood frame he smiled to himself. He may have to be a bit more patient…but he felt it all right there within his grasp. He'd waited this long…and he'd sure as hell wait forever for her if he had too.
Sometime after 2:30 in the morning, they finally had their perp in custody. The whole squad was exhausted, and it showed on their faces.
Olivia looked up at them and smiled, "I know I was a little crabby today…and I apologize. You'd think after 23 years I'd be used to guys like this but…"
"They still make your skin crawl." Amanda said with a knowing smile, "And make you want to punch someone."
Olivia laughed and tapped Amanda's desk, "Yeah. Something like that…" She looked around the room and sighed, "But I am thankful I have such a great team. You make even the hardest days a little easier…" She looked at her watch, "Everyone should try and get some sleep. As much as you can anyway. He's locked up for tonight so he can't hurt anyone. The case will be picked up after the Holidays. Great work today."
A chorus of Night Captain filled the room as people shuffled along either ready to go home or hit the cribs. Amanda stood up, walked over to her friend and Captain, "I think I'll head home for a few hours. Check on the girls…and…"
Olivia smiled, reached out and squeezed her arm, "Tell Carisi I said hello. And if you need to sleep in a little tomorrow…you won't hear about it from me."
Amanda blushed and reached for her coat, "Thanks Cap." She slipped it on over her body, "Tell Stabler I said hi too…and maybe one of these nights the four of us could grab a drink or something? I'd like to get to know him better seeing that it seems he's going to be sticking around this time."
Olivia sucked in a breath and smiled, "Yeah…maybe after Christmas or something? I'll uh…talk to him. I know he wants to get to know you too."
Amanda smiled and started to walk away, "Goodnight Cap."
Olivia smiled and shook her head, those damn butterflies were at it again. She turned to walk back to her office and saw Fin standing in the doorway holding out her coat, "Sergeant…"
He smiled and walked over to her, "There is nothing more to be done tonight. Go check on your boys…"
Her cheeks flushed and she laughed, "My boys huh?"
Fin nodded and helped her into her coat, "Yep. I'm gonna check on Phoebe and we'll be back before we blink to do it all over again."
She adjusted her hair, buttoned her coat and then turned to him, "You know…in case I haven't told you lately…" She smiled and leaned in and hugged him, "I am so damn thankful for you Fin. Even if you are a giant pain in my ass."
Fin chuckled and squeezed her back, "Hey…we've been together through a lot of shit. Can't get rid of me now."
Olivia pulled back, "Tell Phoebe I said hi…don't rush back in in the morning."
"You either." He said, giving her arm a squeeze, "We've got a good team. And that's thanks to our leader…"
She stepped back, slipped her hand into her pocket and whispered, "Goodnight Fin."
Part of her wondered if she should just go home, not bother Elliot assuming he was probably asleep. The other part of her wanted to see him after such a crappy day. She found herself driving towards his place before she could give it a second thought. Once she parked, she took out her phone, checked the time again and then snuck in the back like he had shown her before. Peering in through the window she saw him, fast asleep on the couch by the light of the Christmas Tree and something about it made her heart ache.
Sometimes when she saw him, she still felt such shock that he was even back. After so many years, just the sight of him made her weak in the knees. Tears burned in her eyes and she wished more than anything it didn't have to be so damn complicated or scary. Reaching for her phone, she didn't want to scare him. She was just about to call when the back door suddenly opened and she jumped, "Oh!"
Bernie smiled at her, "Was just up to get some water…and I saw you."
Olivia swallowed hard, "I…hi. I wasn't sure if…I didn't want to wake anyone up…"
"Liv?" Elliot's voice was laced with sleep from the couch.
Both women turned towards him, "Hey…"
Bernie stepped back, lifted her glass and smiled, "I'll just be getting back to bed. Glad you are safe Olivia. Good to see you."
Olivia smiled nervously, "Thanks Bernie…and thanks for helping to look after my boy."
Bernie swallowed a sip of water and whispered, "Least I could do after you looked after mine for so many years…"
Olivia's heart jumped in her chest and she leaned against the doorframe. Bernie walked away and she saw Elliot throw his feet over the side of the couch, "You gonna come in or stand out there and freeze us all out?"
She jumped again and moved in, her feet crunching under the snow, "Sorry…"
He groaned as he pushed himself up off the couch and walked towards her, "No need for apologies." He shut and locked the door behind her, "Come in. Come in…"
She pulled at the scarf around her neck which he took along with her coat as she kicked off her boots, "I wasn't sure…I mean it's so late. Maybe I should have gone home or stayed at work but I-"
He reached out and pulled the hat off of her head, adjusting her hair as he did, "I'm glad you came here instead." She looked down between them and he knew she was nervous, exhausted, maybe even a little scared, "You catch the guy?" She nodded slowly but didn't look up at him, "I knew you would…you always do."
The way he spoke told her that he was proud of her, that he believed in her. That he'd always believed in her. And that meant more to her than she could ever put into words. Clearing her throat, she looked up at him knowing damn well that her eyes were filled with tears but she couldn't hide them anymore. "Did he behave?"
Elliot leaned against the cold window behind him and nodded, "He did. He was great…haven't heard a peep from him all night." She bit down hard on her lip, "You wanna check on him?" He shrugged softly, "After a bad case…sometimes the only thing that helped was to see my kids were alive and well…"
She fidgeted softly, "Yeah uh…you mind?"
"No. Of course not." He pointed down the hall, "First door on the left."
She turned her back to him, ready to walk away but then froze. He didn't say anything, just let her go through the motions of whatever she was feeling. And then slowly, very slowly she turned back around and wrapped her arms around his waist before he could process what was happening. Burying her face in the crook of his neck she whispered, "Thank you Elliot."
Instantly, his arms wrapped tightly around her and without giving it a second thought he pressed his lips to her temple, "I'm right here Liv."
She sighed into his embrace and her voice shook as she whispered, "Thank God for that…"
When she pulled away, she offered him a shaky smile and he brushed away her tears. She took a deep breath, turned again and walked towards his room needing to lay eyes on her son. She tiptoed through the apartment, not wanting to wake Eli or Noah. Carefully, she pushed open the door and her breath caught in her throat when she saw Noah sprawled out on the large bed. She saw the gentle rise and fall of his chest, heard his even breathing and for a moment, all was right with the world.
She stood there for a few minutes, just watching him sleep, letting herself relax. Coming up behind her Elliot whispered, "Feel better?"
Her fingers clung to the doorframe and she whispered, "A million times better…"
"Good." He squeezed her arm, "Come here for a second…"
She turned to look at him expectantly, but he just smiled and she knew she could trust him. Closing the door again, she followed him back out into the living room, her hand subconsciously finding his. He squeezed it gently as he led her back towards the couch. They both sat down among the scattered blankets and she felt the warmth from his body heat. She wanted to crawl under the covers with him and hide at least for a few hours. But she looked back at him expectantly, "El?"
Reaching towards the coffee table, he produced a box and she smiled knowing exactly what it was, "Still counts as yesterday in my book."
Her hands smoothed over the box and she sighed, "Elliot…"
He shrugged, "Just open it. Please?"
Carefully, she removed the ribbon and took off the top of the box. Using two hands, she moved the tissue paper and began to pull out the item inside. Her breath caught in her throat again when she saw the beautiful snowglobe. "Elliot…it's-it's beautiful."
Nervously, he took it from her hands, titled it upside down and shook it so that the snow began to swirl around inside, "It reminded me of you…standing in Central Park at Christmas looking at the city. Your home." His voice cracked and he whispered, "My home…"
She took the glass ball from him and stared down at the woman inside, "This is your home…always has been."
When she looked back up at him he smiled, "My home is wherever you are Olivia."
She bit down hard on her lip, "Today was a shitty day…" She whispered, "And I'm sorry that I was so…snippy on the phone." She looked down at the woman in the snowglobe again, "The last few days have been amazing. I can't thank you enough…but they've also been a little…"
Her voice broke and he understood, finishing the sentence for her, "Overwhelming? Scary? Confusing?"
She sighed sadly and placed the snowglobe down on the coffee table, "All of the above and then some…"
"I get that." He whispered, never taking his eyes off of her, "We can take this at your pace Liv…I mean I know I haven't held back my feelings and I don't intend to." She looked back at him and he shrugged, "I know what I want…but I told you before and I'll tell you again. Whatever you decide I'll support. And either way…I'll still be here beside you."
She looked down at her hands, "It's complicated…"
"It's always been complicated." He said with a little laugh, "Probably always will be…" She didn't say anything for a moment, "Can I ask you something?"
It took a few seconds, but she finally lifted her head and nodded, "Sure."
"I was talking to Noah earlier…" He saw her tense, "Just uh…letting him know that I don't just care about you. But him too…" She stared wide eyed at him, 'And I meant that…I'd die for that kid Liv. And not just because you love him…"
She chewed on her bottom lip, "I need you to be careful about what you say to him."
"Because of Peter?" He asked and she tensed up once more, "He uh…told me about him. Or a little anyway…"
She sighed and stood up walking towards the tree, "Noah got very attached to Peter…in hindsight I probably should have stopped it. We weren't even…I mean I thought there could be something there but we both…" She touched one of the ornaments on the tree and sighed, "It doesn't really matter…I'm just saying don't make promises to him that you can't keep. He's been disappointed enough in the past…"
Elliot hesitated for only a moment before pushing himself up off the couch and walking towards her. He stood close, very close, wanting to make sure she heard him, "They are all promises I intend to keep."
She looked down between them, his hand held out for her to take but only if she wanted too. Her fingers moved forward and she touched the tip of his Pinky, "Tell me that we aren't making a big mistake…doing whatever this is."
"I don't think it's a mistake." He whispered, "I think it's what was always meant to happen…"
Swallowing the lump in her throat she looked back up at him, her fingers still barely touching his, "El? You scare the hell out of me."
He knew she also meant her feelings for him scared her, "I know…" Tentatively, he threaded his fingers with hers, "But I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove that you can trust me. I know I've broken that trust in the past…more times than I could count. But I'm here. And I'm ready…and whenever you are, you let me know. I can wait."
Letting out a little whimper, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his waist again, "I'm so tired…"
He also knew how deep that statement went. So he wrapped his arms around her once more and whispered, "You should get some sleep…at least a few hours."
She sighed and dug her fingers into his side, "I'll just get Noah up and-"
"No." He cut her off quickly and she lifted her head to look at him, "You'll stay here. Go crawl in with him…if he's late for school in the morning who cares? Some things are more important…"
She was close, so close and she wanted to kiss him but her mind was still all over the place. When it happened, because she knew it would happen, she wanted to be clear headed. She wanted to remember it not because she was upset. She pulled back only slightly, "Are you sure?"
Nodding slowly, he lifted his hand and brushed back her hair. Her earrings caught the light of the Christmas tree and he smiled, "Top drawer, grab some sweats and a shirt. Try and rest…you're safe here."
They stared at each other for a moment and she sighed before leaning in to hug him again, "In case I haven't told you…I'm really glad you came back."
He kissed the top of her head and squeezed gently, "I should have come back sooner…"
Fifteen minutes later, Olivia pulled back the covers and slowly crawled into bed beside her son. She knew Elliot was watching them from the doorway, checking, guarding them and it felt damn good to have someone looking out for them for once. Noah shifted in his sleep, his eyes barely opening as he spoke, "Mom?"
She smiled, pulled him into her arms and ran her fingers through his hair, "Hey. Go back to sleep…everything is fine."
Noah yawned and rested his head against her shoulder, "Did you catch the bad guy?"
Olivia looked back at Elliot who was smiling at the exchange in front of him. She blushed and kissed the top of her son's head, "Yeah Noah. We got him…"
Noah yawned again and snuggled into her embrace before whispering the same words that Elliot had said earlier, "I knew you would. You always do…" He was quiet for a moment before whispering, "I'm glad you're home."
"Me too baby. Me too." She whispered and held him tighter, never looking away from Elliot.
He smiled, gave her a little wave and then slowly turned to walk out of the room to let them sleep. Climbing back onto the couch, he pulled the covers up over him and saw that it had begun to lightly snow again. Reaching out, he picked up the snowglobe and shook it once more. The white flakes inside the glass swirled around the woman and he smiled. Just be patient, he thought…it would all be worth it in the end.