A/N - This chapter is particularly special to me. It features my favorite Christmas movie, and one of my favorite movies in general "It's A Wonderful Life". This movie is very meaningful to my family and the gift given was an actual gift given to my Grandma from my Grandpa before he left for Europe to fight in the War. If you've ever seen the movie, a character says "Hee-Haw" when he leaves and that's what my grandpa always said to us too.

Anyway, Olivia is definitely a little rocky still and trying to wrestle with some big emotions. Can Elliot stand beside her and prove he's not going anywhere? Or will she push him away? Read to find out. Remember EO is always endgame in my stories. No matter what.

Tuesday December 21, 2021

A few hours later when Olivia woke up, the first thing she noticed was the sound of her son lightly snoring beside her. The second thing she noticed was that the comforter and sheets felt different. Then before she opened her eyes fully, she was hit with a wave of a familiar smell. Elliot's cologne and her heart jumped in her chest. It took her a moment to remember where she was, but when she did she couldn't help but smile. In all the years she envisioned waking up in her partner's bed, this was not how it had gone. And yet…it was absolutely perfect.

Yawning, she reached for her phone on the bedside table and lifted it to check the time. It was a little past 7 and Noah would definitely be late for school. But Elliot had been right, some things were more important. Leaning forward, she kissed Noah's forehead and whispered, "Wake up bud."

Noah groaned, "No…I was dreaming about that time Uncle Finn took me on the tiltawhirl on Coney Island and he threw up everywhere. That was funny."

Olivia laughed and brushed back his curls, "That was funny…but we need to get up. I'm going to take you into school and head into the office for a bit to check on things."

Noah sighed and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "Do you think Elliot will go to Coney Island with me if I ask?"

She opened her mouth to respond but another voice filled the room, "I love Coney Island. I haven't been in a long time though." Elliot paused as the two people on his bed stared up at him, "But I would love nothing more than to go with you."

"Awesome!" Noah said excitedly, "Uncle Fin will be happy too because he said he never wanted to go again. Not even for me."

Elliot chuckled, "I'll let him know that I will gladly take his place." He looked over at Olivia, "My Mom made breakfast. You should eat before you guys head out…Eli left a little while ago."

Olivia tugged at the sleeves of his shirt that she was currently wearing, "That sounds great. Thanks. We'll uh…we'll be out in a bit."

He smiled and wrapped the door frame with his knuckles, "Take all the time you need."

As he walked away, she knew he wasn't just talking about breakfast. The bed dipped down as Noah jumped up onto the floor, "I had fun sleeping here."

Olivia looked over at her son and smiled, "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He walked over to the corner where his bag was, "Did you know that Elliot wants to marry you someday?"

Olivia had been about to climb off the bed but she stumbled slightly, "Uh…what?"

Noah looked back at her and shrugged, "He told me last night he loves you. Like the way Uncle Fin loves Phoebe. And that if he's lucky you'll want to marry him too." He paused, "But I assume that you'd actually get married unlike Uncle Fin and Phoebe." He laughed, "Anyway…I just thought you should know."

Olivia watched him begin to walk towards the bathroom, her heart beating wildly in her chest, "Noah wait…"

The young boy turned to look at her and smiled, "Don't worry Mom. I'm okay with it. I'm also okay if you don't marry him and I think Elliot is too. We both just want to see you happy."

From her spot on Elliot's bed she felt tears burning in her eyes, "I love you more than anything in this world. Did you know that?"

Noah smiled and nodded, "Yeah. I know Mom. But I think you have enough room in your heart to love someone else too…"

She watched him walk away and pressed a hand to her heart, there was definitely enough room to love someone else. And maybe it was finally time to do just that…

Twenty minutes later, Olivia and Noah emerged from the bedroom and saw Elliot sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee as Bernie flitted around the kitchen humming Christmas carols. "I hope you both like waffles." Bernie said with a glint in her eyes, "They are my speciality."

Noah climbed up beside Elliot on the counter and looked down at the plate, "Mom, they're shaped like Christmas Trees!"

Olivia sat down on the other side of Elliot and smiled, "Wow! Impressive Bernie!"

"These were Elliot's favorite when he was a boy." She said, placing a plate down in front of Olivia, "He begged me to make them as Christmas Trees even in the dead of summer!"

Olivia looked over at him and smiled, "You really are a sucker for Christmas, aren't you?"

He shrugged, smirking softly as he lowered the coffee cup, "What can I say? There is definitely something magical about this time of year." He looked straight into her eyes and whispered, "Makes you feel like anything is possible…"

She was lost in a sea of blue looking at him and she smiled, "Yeah…it does."

He winked and then turned back to Noah, "So…you sleep okay kid?"

Noah nodded through a mouthful of food, he went to respond but Olivia shot him a look. He smiled sheepishly and swallowed the bite before whispering, "Yeah. Thanks Elliot. You have a really comfy bed!" Olivia had lifted her coffee to her lips just as Noah said, "I think Mom will be just fine having sleepovers here alone."

Elliot snorted, Olivia choked on her coffee and Bernie howled with laughter, "Noah!"

"What?" Noah asked with a shrug, "Isn't that what best friends do? Have sleepovers? You're picky about beds and Elliot's was comfortable…"

Elliot turned, resting his elbow on the counter he asked, "Hey my friend Olivia…wanna have a sleepover sometime again?"

She kicked him under the table and looked at her watch, "Noah eat up…we have to get going soon."

Noah sighed and looked at Bernie, "She's being evasive…"

"That's a big word." Bernie said with a smile, "But you're right. She is." She looked at Olivia, "If you're worried about me…Elliot's a big boy. He doesn't need my permission to have sleepovers anymore."

Elliot continued to laugh and she hung her head, "Wow. Okay…waffles are great." She laughed, "But I think it's time for us to go…"

Elliot grabbed onto her arm and sat her back down, "Not without eating. Finish up."

Olivia looked over at her son who was smirking at her, "You behave…"

Noah smiled and shrugged innocently, "What did I do?"

Everyone laughed again and then focussed on eating but under the counter, Elliot reached out and squeezed Olivia's leg. And just that one touch sent her heart ablaze…

Once they were done, Noah said goodbye to Bernie and grabbed his things before Elliot walked them out to their car. Elliot made sure Noah was all strapped in and shut the door before turning back to Olivia. "I'm gonna work for a few hours but then I'll be home. You think your day will be crazy again today?"

Olivia shrugged, "Hopefully not. We have the guy in custody but nothing will happen until after Christmas. So unless something else big hits it should be pretty quiet…"

He thought about what Noah had asked his Mother last night about spending Christmas with him and his family. But he didn't feel like this was the moment to bring it up. Instead, he asked about tonight, "I was thinking you're probably exhausted…so rather than go out tonight…maybe we could all stay in?"

She leaned against the side of her car and asked, "What did you have in mind?"

"I thought that Eli, my Mom and I could come over. Have dinner…which I'll either cook or we can order in, watch a movie. Just be low key…" He said with a shrug, "What do you think?"

She sighed happily and nodded, "That sounds exactly like what I need…"

"Good." He reached out and squeezed her arm, "Let me know what time works for you and we'll come over. I mean I hope it's okay that Eli and my Mom come too…"

"Of course." She whispered, "You don't have to ask. I love spending time with them too. Even when your Mom and my son are teaming up to torture me…"

Elliot chuckled and leaned in closer, "That reminds me…you never answered my question." She gave him a look and he smirked, "Hey my friend Olivia…wanna have a sleepover sometime? Hopefully without my Mom and son around…"

She blushed, looked down and pressed her hands into his stomach pushing him back, "In your dreams Stabler…"

He chuckled, low and deep in his throat before leaning in towards her ear and whispering, "Every damn night Liv…"

She shivered and inhaled sharply, "El…"

"I still expect an answer…but I'll let you think about it. For now." He said with a smile before kissing her cheek, "See you later?"

She turned her face slightly to look at him, he was just inches from her and she could feel his warm breath on her face, "Yeah. You'll see me later…"

He kissed her cheek again and pulled away, "Good. Drive safe…"

When he walked back towards the gate, she tried to quiet the beating of her heart but it was no use. She climbed into the car and strapped on her seatbelt before looking up to see Noah smirking at her from the mirror. She groaned, "Not you too…"

Noah smiled and shrugged, "I didn't do anything…"

"Uh huh." She said with a chuckle, "Let's go…you still have a few more days of school before you can start really relaxing. Besides, Santa is still watching Mister."

Noah smiled at her as they pulled out of the parking space, "Yeah…but I'm not worried. I think I'm getting exactly what I want for Christmas this year…"

Stopping at the corner of the street, Olivia looked up again and saw her son smiling as he looked out the window. And all she could think was that she thought they were both getting exactly what they had always wanted for Christmas…

Standing in her office that afternoon, Olivia was signing paperwork that would go to the DA. Even with just a few hours of sleep, she felt good, very good and it was a new feeling for her. A knock on the door startled her and she looked up to see Fin walking in, "Case should start around the third."

Olivia nodded, "Okay. Sounds good to me. Make sure Carisi has all the evidence we have."

"On it." He said walking into the room as Amanda walked up behind her, "Can we talk to you for a minute?"

Glancing up at them, she frowned, "Sure…everything okay?"

"Yes…" Amanda said with a smile as she pulled a bag from behind her back, "I just have something for you."

Olivia put her folder down and slowly took off her glasses, "Okay, what are you two up to?"

Amanda lifted the bag and hung it on the edge of the door, "I saw this dress at the store the other day…and I couldn't resist."

"And she sent a picture to me and I said buy it." Fin said with a nod.

Olivia rounded her desk as she began to unzip the bag, "A dress for what?" But as soon as she saw the deep green color she knew, "You guys…"

"You said yourself you haven't had time to think about what you were going to wear." Amanda said with a glint in her eyes, "And this would look amazing on you…"

Olivia reached out and took out the dress, "Little low cut, don't you think?"

"Just a bit." Fin said with a smile, "And Elliot will love it."

Olivia gasped, making Amanda laugh, she reached out and shoved him hard, "Fin!"

"He's not wrong…" Amanda said, reaching out to the bottom of the dress, "He'll love the slit too."

"Jesus." Olivia said quickly, "You two are really concerned about what I'm going to wear…how do you even know I'm going with Elliot?"

Fin smirked, "He told me he officially asked you to which I said it's about damn time."

Olivia sighed and ran her fingers along the long sleeve of the dress, "It is beautiful…but don't you think it's a bit much?"

"No." Amanda said with a shake of her head, "I think it's perfect. You know the Christmas Gala is always fancy. You deserve to get all dressed up and feel beautiful. You should also make Stabler sweat a little…lord knows he deserves it."

Olivia chuckled and looked at her, "I know you're not exactly Team Stabler…"

"I'm cautiously optimistic." She said with a shrug, "Fin talked me off the ledge a bit."

"Hmm…" She sighed and walked over to her desk, leaning against it, "God help me…"

"Want me to come over and help you get ready?" Amanda asked, "You know to quiet the nerves…"

"I don't think there is any way to quiet the nerves." She said with a laugh.

"Probably not. After two decades…this is a big deal." Fin said with a smile, "I already told Cragen and Munch about it."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course you did. I heard all about that group chat of yours…"

"Gotta keep them updated." He said with a smile, "But I'll let you be the one to announce the engagement…"

"Jesus." She said quickly, "What is it with everyone and marriage today? You…Noah…"

"Noah talked about you two getting married?" Amanda asked as she walked further into the room and sat down, "Wow…"

"Yeah…well apparently Elliot told him that was his plan eventually." She fidgeted, "If…I wanted that."

Fin and Amanda shared a look before Amanda asked, "And what do you want?"

"I…" She laughed nervously and shook her head, "I want to stop talking about this right now. Okay? Thank you for the dress. Let me know what I owe you and I'll-"

"Don't worry about it." Amanda said with a smile, "Consider it a Christmas present." She looked at Fin who gave her a look that told her not to push, so she pushed herself up again and walked towards the door, "You know…I was really scared to take that next step with Carisi. But…at a certain point I realized it was inevitable. And I've never been happier." Olivia gave her a look and she smiled, "Just saying…"

When Amanda walked out of the office, Olivia sighed and looked at Fin, "Is everyone talking about us?"

Fin laughed, "To be fair…everyone's been talking about you two for 23 years…nothing new."

"Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better." She said with a laugh.

Fin shrugged, "So what ended up happening last night?"

Olivia sighed, "Nothing…I went to Elliot's and it was late…"

"And it was late…" He said walking towards her, "And you two-"

"And nothing." She said, shooting him a look, "I slept over…" Fin's eyes went wide, "He slept on the couch and I bunked with Noah…so don't even go there."

"Did you sleep in his bed?" He asked with a chuckle, when she didn't respond he laughed harder, "Captain Benson!"

She reached out and chucked a pen at him, "I really freaking hate you."

He caught the pen and smirked, "Poor Stabler was probably awake all night…"

"Okay. Once again…we're done with this conversation." She said with a nervous smile, "Like really done."

Fin smiled and stepped back, "Fine. But wear the dress…trust me. And wear your hair up…curl it a bit. He'll die…"

She groaned and put her head in her hands, "What the hell am I doing Fin?"

Fin smiled and turned back to her from the door, "Finally letting yourself be happy Liv. And that's a good thing…"

She bit her lip and whispered, "You think I'm too old to get married?"

He shook his head, "No. And don't make a joke about how I didn't…that wasn't part of our plan. But we're still committed to each other. And if that's what you decide Elliot will still be there. You'll see."

"Married…" She whispered softly, "Me…Olivia Benson married…who'd a thunk it?"

Fin smiled, "I always did…and I always figured he'd be the only one you'd walk down the aisle for." They stared at each other for a moment and then he pointed at the dress, "Trust me on the dress…"

She sighed and looked back at the deep green dress, her heart jumping once more at the thought of it. These days she wasn't as comfortable in her own skin as she once was. There were a lot of reasons for that. Her hands subconsciously rubbed along her abdomen, underneath the scars of her past were safely hidden. All jokes aside, that was one hurdle she was afraid to face. Her phone pinged beside her and she lifted it slowly smiling when she saw it was Elliot.

Spaghetti okay for tonight? My Mom is making meatballs.

She quickly typed a reply, Sounds great. How does 6:30 sound?She saw the dots signaling he was typing and she waited, I have to wait six more hours to see you? She laughed and then waited as he kept typing, Fine. But I'll be right on time. That's a promise.Holding the phone to her chest she smiled and felt that fluttery feeling in her chest again. Whether she was ready or not…this was happening. The ball was in her court. He'd made his feelings known and he clearly wasn't hiding it. So now…now it was her turn to figure out what to do next.

Around 6:15, Olivia stood in her bedroom changing her outfit for the fourth time since she had been home. Standing in front of the mirror, she turned on the spot, trying to decide if she liked this outfit. She groaned and began to pull off her shirt when her phone rang. She saw Fin was trying to facetime her and she sighed, she answered it but yelled, "Hang on!"

And threw it on her bed as she changed her shirt. She could hear Fin chuckling and she hated him for it, "How many times have you changed?"

She grumbled under her breath and then reached for the phone, "Did you need something or did you just call to piss me off some more?"

Fin smirked at her through the phone, "I needed to make sure you weren't gonna cancel on Stabler tonight."

She frowned and lay back on the bed, "I'm too old for this Fin…"

"We had this conversation earlier. No you aren't." She didn't answer, "Olivia…what is this really about?"

Sitting up slowly, she reached for a pillow and placed it in her lap, "He's been flirting…"

Fin laughed, "He flirted for 12 years Olivia…can't be that new to you."

She rolled her eyes and whispered, "Well it's different. Things are different." She bit down hard on her lip and tugged at the tassel on the pillow, "I'm different."

They sat in silence for a moment before Fin whispered, "Is this about…Lewis?" He saw her cringe and he sighed, "Olivia…look at me."

She hated crying, especially when it was about that man but she knew it was a hurdle she was going to have to face, "Flirting leads to…other things. And I can't say that I don't want that. But…"

Fin knew about her scars. He hadn't seen them but she had confided in him about how self conscious she was about them. And she knew he understood, "I told you before…he has always thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world. Nothing can change that."

She looked down again, "A lot can change that…you haven't seen them Fin. They're awful. And they don't exactly make me feel desirable…" Her eyes moved towards the dress hanging from her closet door, "And that damn dress you two want me to wear…it's low and I can hide somethings but I'm-"

"But you should be hella confident in who you are Olivia Benson." Fin said, "You've been breaking hearts for years. As a man in the NYPD trust me when I say your name is always on the hottest female cops list…"

She rolled her eyes but laughed, "Jesus Fin…really?"

"Please. I know all about the male version of the list. Phoebe told me all about it. And I happen to know that Stabler is on the top of it. Especially in the best ass category." He said with a loud laugh.

"Fin…" She said with a smile, "I'm afraid…" A single tear slid down her cheek and she sighed, "What if he sees them and he's horrified? What if he can't handle it? What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? I won't be able to take that…not after all this time."

"Stabler may be a lot of things…" He whispered, "But he's not stupid. And he's not the kind of man to turn his back on a woman because of something like that. If anything it will show him once again how strong you truly are." He shrugged, "I'm not gonna lie and say it won't be hard for him…because it will. It will probably be hard for both of you. But…if you want to pursue this it's going to be something you have to face at some point."

She looked back at the dress again, "I know you're right…"

"Liv…he loves you. I don't for a second doubt that." He whispered, she looked back at him, "It's going to be okay."

She smiled sadly, "Know anyone who has a time machine and can make me look like I did ten years ago?"

"He wants you Olivia. This version of you. I promise." He whispered.

A knock on the door pulled her away, "Come in Noah…"

He smiled at his Mom as he walked in, "Are you coming out? They will be here soon…"

Looking back at her phone Fin smiled, "Don't make me come over there Benson…you know I will."

She groaned and nodded, "I'm coming Noah. I'll be there in a minute."

Noah smiled, "Hi Uncle Fin! I've got it from here!"

Fin laughed, "I knew I could count on you kid!"

Olivia looked back at him as Noah left the room, "You two are in on this together aren't you…"

"Yep. We all are." He said with a smile, "Still got the group chat with Cragen and John like I told you. But…Got a separate group chat with Noah, John, Cragen, Amanda and Carisi. Added Bell and Jet this morning. Noah wants to add Stabler's kids too. We're all in this together."

"Oh God." She hung her head, "I hate all of you. Goodbye!"

"Love you too Benson!" He called before she could hang up, "Wear a pop of color. It'll throw him off. Make him sweat a bit…"

She dropped the phone, "Hanging up now!"

When she looked back at the closet, she saw the dress, and then she saw a new deep purple sweater hanging next to it. One she wasn't sure about. It went off the shoulder a bit, a little out of her comfort zone. But maybe Fin was right, maybe that was a good thing. Standing up, she reached for it and pulled it on over her leggings. She wanted to be comfortable and casual but still feel confident.

She looked in the mirror, fluffed her hair and let out a little breath. Then she heard the knock on the door, "Mom! They're here!"

She pressed her hand into her belly and whispered, "Breathe Benson…you can do this."

Turning slowly, she walked out of her room and over to her son, "I'll get it."

Noah looked at her and smiled, "You look pretty Mom."

She blushed slightly and pulled at her sweater, "Thanks honey…" She looked back at the door, "Are you ready?"

Noah nodded, "Definitely. Are you?"

She smiled and moved towards the door, "Ready as I'll ever be…" Taking another deep breath, she reached for the door knob and pulled it open. She felt the butterflies take hold again and it would be easy to slam the door in his face and hide. But she didn't want to. So she smiled and raised her eyebrows at him, "You're five minutes early…"

He shrugged sheepishly, "Got tired of waiting…"

She smiled, biting her lip before turning to his Mother and Eli, "Hi. Welcome…let me help you." She reached for the items in Bernie's hand, "Noah, help Mrs. Stabler with her coat."

"Dear God, please do not call me Mrs. Stabler." Bernie said pulling at her coat before handing it to Noah, "Anything but that."

Everyone laughed and Noah looked up at her, "Well then what should I call you?"

Bernie smiled and shrugged, "Grandma B is fine with me…" And then she walked further into the apartment, "I love your place Olivia!"

Eli laughed and followed her and Noah, "Geez…she's subtle."

Elliot laughed and looked over at Olivia, "Uh…sorry. She…doesn't always have a filter. And she…likes you." He smiled softly at her, "She likes you a lot…"

Hanging up her coat, Olivia turned back to him, "It's…fine." She cleared her throat, "You know I adore your Mom too."

He took a deep breath and looked her over, "You look beautiful…purple is a good color on you." He shrugged and smiled, "Every color looks good on you though…"

She cleared her throat anxiously again and smiled, "Uh…thanks." She looked at the items in his hand, "Can I take those for you?"

"I've got it." He placed them down on the table by the door, "Liv…you okay?"

She licked her lips and nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm good."

"You sure?" He asked, bending his knees to look at her, "If my Mom…or if I said anything this morning that made you-"

"You didn't." She said, shaking her head quickly, "You didn't. I promise." Standing up straighter she pointed down the hall, "We should…"

"Yeah. Okay." He pulled at his coat and she hung it on the hook next to his Mother's, "Can I set up in the kitchen?"

"Yeah." She said with a smile, "Do you need help?"

"No. But I could use the company…" He said hopefully, "If you want to hang out with me, that is…"

She bit her lip but smiled, "Wine?"

"Wine would be great." He said picking up the items off the table again, "After you."

Twenty minutes later, Olivia stood in the kitchen with Elliot nursing a glass of wine as he flittered around the kitchen. Noah, Eli and Bernie were sitting at the counter talking about this and that. Olivia stood by, listening as they talked, the wine was easing her tension and she was feeling a little more comfortable.

Elliot lifted a spoon towards Noah, "Here. Taste that. Tell me what you think."

Noah leaned forward and tried the sauce before pulling away, "Whoa! That didn't come from a jar?"

Elliot laughed, "Nope. Made from scratch. You like it?"

Noah leaned back, "It's great!" He looked at his Mother, "I love you Mom…but that beats the ragu in the pantry any day."

Everyone laughed and she smiled, "Yeah well…you're lucky I can even manage that kid."

"You cook?" Elliot said with a mysterious glint in his eyes, "I never thought I'd see the day." Looking back at Noah he smiled, "For as long as I've known your Mother…she was more of a take out kinda gal or a toast on the run in a pinch. Never cooked."

"Still her favorite go to's." Noah said with a smile, "She makes a mean cinnamon toast. I'll give her that…"

Olivia took a sip of her wine and placed it back down, "Keep it up and that's all you'll be eating for weeks Mister…"

Noah shrugged, "Elliot will feed me, won't you?"

Elliot nodded, "Anytime." He reached for a towel, "I love to cook."

Noah smiled from his spot at the counter, "Did you always?"

Elliot cleared his throat and shook his head, "Not really…I uh…I learned while I was in Italy."

A quiet hush fell over the group and Noah blushed, "Oh…" He looked at his Mom, "I'm uh…I'm sorry I-"

Elliot turned to him and shook his head, "Nothing to apologize for Noah. Nothing at all."

Noah looked at Eli nervously, "Do you like it here now?"

Eli looked down at his hands and then shrugged, "Yeah…it's alright. I miss my friends…but New York has its perks too."

Noah smiled at him, "Well I'm really glad you're here…"

Olivia and Elliot couldn't take their eyes off their boys and Eli smiled, "Come on…let's go see what movie we can watch."

As they moved towards the living room, Bernie smiled at them as they walked away, "They are sweet together…"

Olivia nodded and picked up her wine again, "Noah likes spending time with him…that's for sure."

Bernie looked over at the wall where a baby picture of Noah was framed, "You know it's funny…"

Olivia looked at her and Elliot could almost tell whatever she said was going to be something shocking, "Noah looks like Elliot in some ways…"

Olivia choked on her wine and Elliot walked over to her, "Jesus Mama…" He laughed and looked at Olivia, "You okay?"

She pressed a hand to her chest and nodded, "Uh yeah…" She put her wine down and then looked at the picture of Noah, "He's uh…he'd adopted so unless Elliot has something he'd like to tell us…" Elliot shot her a look and she laughed, "I can assure you he's not…"

"Hm." Bernie shrugged, "Well Eli kinda looks like you too…" She said, giving Olivia a look, "Funny how that worked out."

And then she was gone.

Elliot hung his head and Olivia stood there, wide eyed and surprised, "Huh…:"

He rolled his neck back and forth and he laughed, "Seriously…feel free to tell her to shut up at any time."

"I can't tell her to shut up." She said with a laugh, "You know that."

"Why? You're not related to her…" He said with a smirk, "At least not yet…"

She quickly reached for her wine glass again and took another swig, "Geez…you're just as bad as her."

He watched her move towards the sink, her back to him, "Is that such a bad thought?"

"What?" She turned to look at him and sighed, "No…no Elliot that's not…" Looking down at her hands she sighed, "I'm just…trying to process everything."

Elliot nodded slowly, "I can understand that…" He moved towards her and whispered, "If I'm being too forward…you can tell me to shut up." She smiled, "In fact you've done it many times before…"

She licked her lips anxiously, "Yes. I have…" Sighing again she said, "It's just uh…there's always been this underlying flirting between us…but for the most part we had a line we didn't fully cross."

Elliot nodded, "But now…we've crossed it a bit?" She nodded, "And that's…scary?"

She let out a little laugh and nodded, "Terrifying…"

Elliot looked back at the boiling water and turned the stove down, "Come with me for a minute…"

She looked back at the boys and Bernie and frowned, "El…"

"They're fine for a few minutes." He said with a hopeful smile, "Come with me…"

She nodded slowly, and he reached for hehr hand which she took without hesitation. He turned them both towards the far window in her apartment, the one that led out to the fire escape. Elliot grabbed a blanket off the chair and climbed outside before helping her out. She shivered slightly and he wrapped the blanket around her, "Thanks…"

Elliot looked at her, really looked at her and could see all the worries filling her face, "You know you can tell me anything…right?"

It was all there. Right on the tip of her tongue. The truth about what was really holding her back. She knew she could and probably should say something but she didn't. She wasn't ready. "I used to be able to…yeah."

He frowned and looked down, leaning against the metal railing, "Fair enough…"

"I didn't mean to…" She sighed and ran a hand over her face, "I'm trying El. I really am trying…it's just…"

He lifted his head to look at her and nodded, "It's just…I hurt you. Really hurt you. And I have a lot to prove." He shrugged, "I know that. And I can be as patient as you need me to be…"

Chewing on her lower lip, she leaned back against the railing beside him, "Do you mean that?"

He saw the way her cheeks flushed, and he knew it had more to do with her feelings than the cold air, "Olivia, look at me." It took her a moment, but she lifted her head to look at him, her eyes dark and worried, "I'm not screwing this up…so I mean it when I say take all the time you need."

Turning all the way towards him she whispered, "I think I really needed to hear that…"

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her forehead and rubbed her arms affectionately, "You're worth waiting for Olivia Benson…"

When he pulled back she smiled up at him, "Thanks for suggesting this tonight…it's exactly what I needed. I know you had other plans…"

"Liv…" He shook his head, "I don't care where we are. I'm just glad you're even letting me be here. With you…" He looked towards the window, "With Noah…"

Her fingers trailed up and down the length of his arm, "We like having you here…all of you."

"Good." He whispered, "Then we can make it a regular thing…" He tugged on her arm, "Come on…I don't need you getting sick. I refuse to let you back out of our date on Thursday…"

She laughed and moved towards the window again, "Date…"

"Uh huh. Told you it's a real date." He whispered, "The kind where I come to the door and pick you up…hold the door open for you. Drool over whatever outfit you pick."

When they climbed in through the door she smiled, "Fin and Amanda picked my dress out actually…"

"Great." He said with a sigh, "Fin wants to torture me and Amanda hates me so I'm definitley screwed…"

She shook her head and tossed the blanket down on the chair again, "You'll live…" She slid her hand against his chest and smiled, feeling a little more bold suddenly, "At least I hope you do…" She turned to look at him and he looked surprised, "I want to make it to at least our second date before I kill you…"

He laughed nervously and shook his head, "Yep…definitely screwed."

She giggled and pointed towards the stove, "Get back to cooking Stabler…"

He watched her go and smiled, feeling like she had heard him. And he had meant it. He'd wait as long as she needed him too. Just being here was a gift in it's own. As much as he wanted more, he knew that he needed to earn it. And he planned on doing just that…

After dinner, they settled around the Christmas Tree and tried to settle on a movie. After much deliberation, Bernie was the one who decided. "I choose 'It's a Wonderful Life'."

"I've never seen it." Noah said looking at his Mom, "At least I don't think I have…"

"I don't think so." Olivia whispered, "But it's a classic…one of my favorite's actually."

"It's all black and white." Eli said with a sigh, "One of those old people movies…"

Elliot leaned forward and smacked his son's knee, "Watch it. It happens to be one of my favorite's too…"

"Like I said…" Eli said with a smirk, "One of those old people movies…"

Everyone laughed and Elliot looked at him, "Looks like Santa will be skipping our house this year…"

Noah settled in beside his Mom, "What's it about?"

"Well…" Olivia said as she cued up the movie, "It's about a man who learns to be grateful for the life he has."

"Hmmm…" Noah said with a frown, "Are there any superheroes in it?"

"There's a guardian angel named Clarence." Olivia said, tickling his sides, "Give it a chance, okay?"

"Okay…but next time we have movie night…Eli and I get to pick." He said with a frown.

Olivia looked over at Elliot who was smiling at the young boy and she knew he was remembering the same thing as she was, "Sounds like a plan…" She whispered. "You know…I had never seen this movie until I was much older. Until someone named Elliot Stabler made me watch it…"

"Really?" Noah asked looking up at her as the movie began to play, "Why didn't you watch it?"

Olivia shrugged, "Christmas was hard for me growing up…and I avoided a lot of things that had to do with Christmas. But my partner was obsessed…"

Bernie and Eli laughed, "Sounds about right…"

Elliot rubbed the back of his neck, "I hounded her until she gave in…and then she cried through the whole thing."

"I did not." She said, tossing a pillow at him, "Just half of it…"

Noah looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, "So are you gonna cry this time?"

Olivia smiled down at him and shrugged, "Can't make any promises kid…"

"Well I'll be crying and you'll have to deal with it." Bernie said with a sigh, "Ten bucks Elliot cries too…"

"Well that's a given." Olivia said with a teasing smile, "He's an old softie at heart…"

"Just watch the movie…" Elliot said, shooting her a conspiratorial look.

Olivia noticed that Elliot was fidgeting during the film, he was definitely anxious about something. She wondered if he was remembering that night he'd made her watch the movie too. Looking back on it, she realized it was the last Christmas they'd ever spent together. Clearing her throat, she glanced at the kitchen, "El? You wanna help me get dessert…"

He looked over at her and nodded, without saying a word. She watched as he stood up and walked towards the hallway and his coat. Her heart jumped in her chest and she wondered what he was getting. Walking towards the kitchen, he came up beside her and smiled, "You make these cookies?"

"Yep." She said grabbing a plate, "Opened the package, cut them up and tossed them in the oven. I slaved."

Elliot laughed and reached for one, "Hey…it's the thought that counts."

She watched him take a bite, "How much do you think they hate the movie?"

Elliot looked over at them and shrugged, "Not sure…Eli seems slightly entertained. Noah looks a little confused."

"Might be a bit too mature for him." She said with a smile, "We'll see how he feels about it in a bit…once the romance stuff starts he usually starts squirming."

Elliot laughed and leaned against the counter, "Sounds about right."

Olivia looked at the boys and Bernie as they watched the movie, "You know I haven't watched this…since you made me watch it."

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, "Really?"

She arranged the cookies on the plate and shrugged, "It was too hard…so many things reminded me of you and so the stuff I could cut out, I did." Looking up at him she whispered sadly, "It was just easier…"

"I get that…" He whispered, "I remember that night…it was after…"

"Calvin…" She whispered, sadly and nodded, "Yeah…after he was taken. You came over to try and cheer me up."

December 2010…

Olivia sat in her empty apartment feeling numb. Yesterday, Calvin had been ripped from her arms before she could even process what was happening. Since that moment she felt like she couldn't breathe. She'd called out of work and spent the entire day avoiding Elliot's phone calls. She didn't want to see anyone. Didn't want to face the truth. That once again she had let herself think she was finally going to get her happy ending…to only have it all blow up in her face.

She felt like a fool. She'd let herself get attached to a boy that wasn't hers and would never be hers. She just wanted to have someone to call her own, a real family. But it felt like it was never going to happen. She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn't realize that someone was knocking on her door until they were pounding and she heard someone's voice, "Open the door or I'm knocking it down Benson…"

She groaned and pushed herself up off the couch, "Elliot…I thought by ignoring your calls you'd realize that I didn't want to talk to you."

From the other side of the door he grumbled, "You know technically I have a key…"

"To only use in emergencies." She said through gritted teeth, "And this isn't an emergency…""How do you know I'm not bleeding profusely?" He called.

She laughed, "I hate you…"

A jingle of his keys and the turning of the doorknob made her step back, "No you don't…" He said as he poked his head in, "Hey Partner…"

"Howdy." She said with a smile and crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here Elliot?"

He pulled a bag from behind his back, "I come with Chinese and a movie…" He smirked, 'And beer…"

Sighing, she stepped aside knowing he wouldn't take no for an answer, "I don't feel like talking."

Elliot smiled, "Understood."

He walked into the apartment and started to move around like he owned the place. She settled onto the couch and pulled a blanket up around her lap. Elliot appeared after a moment with a plate and a bottle of beer, "Here."

She took the plate and then put it down on the coffee table, "I'm not that hungry."

He popped something in the DVD player and then settled in, "Fine…more for me."

Olivia looked at the TV, "Is this some action film that I'm going to hate?"

"No. It's a Christmas classic. It's a Wonderful Life." He said with a sigh."Oh no." She said, shaking her head, 'No…I'm not watching this.""Yes. Yes you are." He said looking at her, "Because the rules of movie night are that we have to watch whatever the person chooses and according to our schedule…I was the one who got to choose next.""This isn't an official movie night." She said looking at him, "It wasn't planned.""Too bad." He said, sticking his tongue out at her, "Come on…it's a classic.""So I've heard." She said with a huff as she reached for a blanket."You've never seen this?" He asked looking over at her in shock, "You've never seen this movie?""Nope." She said, shaking her head, "Wasn't big on Christmas movies as a kid…and I didn't see the point as I got older.""Alright then. It's settled…you're sitting here and watching this movie whether you like it or not." He said pointing at her, "It's one of my favorite movies of all time…"

She frowned, "Elliot…I really don't-"

"Please?" He asked with a little pout, "Just humor me? You can kick me butt after if you want to.""I'm gonna hold you to that." She said with a smile.

As the movie played, Elliot could tell that Olivia was getting swept up in the magic of it. And by the end, the tears streaming down her face told him that she had hopefully got the message he had been trying to get across.

When the credits played, Elliot stopped the film and looked over at her, "Liv…"

"I feel like a failure…" She whispered, "I failed Calvin…""No. You didn't." He whispered, moving to sit in front of her on the coffee table, "Olivia, you did not fail him. "You gave him a gift…you gave him someplace safe, somewhere that he could feel like he was loved. Even if it was just for a short time…do you know how amazing that is?"

She wiped at her tears and whispered, "If it was so amazing…why does it hurt so fucking badly?"

Reaching for her hand he whispered, "Because you cared about him…and it's gonna hurt for awhile Liv. I won't lie to you. But you are anything but a failure…so many people love you. So many people care about you…whether you realize that or not they do. And that includes me…"

Looking down at his hand in hers she whispered, "Thank you for coming over…"

"You're my partner." He whispered, "I'll always have your back Liv. Always…" She started to cry again and he leaned forward pulling her into his arms, "It's gonna be okay. I promise…"

Pulling herself out of the memory, she looked over at Elliot and saw that he had been remembering it too, "Elliot…"

"I didn't live up to that promise before…but I swear to you Liv, if you give me the chance now I'll never let you down again." He whispered.

She looked down at the counter, "Losing Calvin…and then losing you…" She shook her head sadly, "It was a lot El…a hell of a lot."

"I know." He whispered, "Liv…I'm so sorry…"

She let out a shaky breath and looked back towards the movie just as her favorite part began.

George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.

Mary Hatch Bailey: I'll take it. Then what?

George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much?

She laughed and looked over at Elliot just as he slid a box towards her, "What is it you want, Liv? What do you want?"

Her fingers trembled as she reached out and took the long black box, "Elliot…"

"You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down…" He nudged her gently, "Open it…"

Biting down hard on her lip, she lifted the top and her breath caught in her throat as she looked down at the golden pendant shaped like a crescent moon, "El…"

"Not the real thing…but I can try if you want. I hear they're still taking people up in space ships. Might take me a few tries but…" She laughed, "If it makes you happy…I'll do it."

She lifted the delicate chain and traced her fingers over the pendant, "I don't want the moon El…" She held it out to him and he took the hint, carefully she pushed her hair to the side and he placed it around her neck, "I just want you to stay…"

Her voice was so full of emotion it made his heart ache. His fingers traced the slope of her neck after he clasped the chain and he leaned forward, pressing a kiss just below her ear, "I'm not going anywhere Liv. Not this time…"

She sighed and leaned into him as his hands wrapped around her waist, "God I hope not…" She looked over at the boys and laughed as Noah hid his face from the couple almost about to kiss on the screen, "Because I could get used to this…"

"Me too." He whispered, swaying gently with her, "Me too…"

By the end of the film, Noah was almost half asleep but he held it together. Olivia looked down at him and smiled, "So…what'd you think?"

Noah yawned and said, "For a movie that had no color…it was pretty good. I liked the part where he realized how important he was to all his friends and family."

"See? It has an important lesson." She whispered and brushed back his curls, "I'm glad you watched it." Looking at the clock she smiled "But it is way past your bedtime and you have school in the morning…"

He sighed and pushed himself off the couch, "Fine…can Elliot put me to bed before he goes though?"

"Oh." Olivia whispered, "Well…"

Elliot smiled, "Sure I can."

"Eli and I will take a cab back. You take your time…" Bernie said as Eli helped her up.

"Are you sure?" Elliot asked looking at his Mom, "I can-"

"No. No. You stay and help Olivia clean up. We'll be good. Won't we Eli?" She said with a smile.

Eli nodded, "Yeah. I'll get us home safe Dad and I'll text you when we get there."

"Okay…" Elliot said looking back at Olivia, "That okay with you?"

She nodded slowly, "Sure."

Noah hugged Bernie, "The meatballs were the best part. Thanks Grandma B…"

Olivia's heart squeezed in her chest, "You are most welcome. I'm happy to make them for you anytime. Goodnight Noah."

"Night Noah. See you later." Eli said with a wave, "Next time we pick the movie…"

Noah laughed and walked towards his room, "I'm gonna go brush my teeth." He hugged his Mom as he walked, "Night Mom. Love you."

"Night sweetie." She turned to Bernie and Eli, "I'll walk you to the door…"

Elliot pointed to Noah's room, "I'll just get him all settled…"

Bernie smiled and followed Olivia as Eli pulled down their coats, "You really do have a beautiful place."

Olivia smiled and helped her put on her coat, "Thank you. It was great to have you over. Both of you. Come anytime."

"Oh I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other." She smiled as Eli handed her her scarf, "Will you join us for Christmas dinner?"

"I…I'm not sure." Olivia whispered, "We haven't really discussed that."

Eli smiled, "We'd love to have you." He shrugged, "If you want to come of course…"

Olivia smiled and said, "I'll talk to your Dad…okay?"

"Okay." He leaned in and hugged her, "Goodnight Olivia."

"Goodnight Eli. Night Bernie. Get home safe…" She whispered as they walked towards the door.

Bernie turned at the last minute and smiled, "Nice necklace, is it new?"

Olivia blushed and touched the pendant on her neck, "Yeah…it is."

"Hm…" She whispered and pointed at her and lifted her fingers to her ears and said, "Well in the immortal words of Sam Wainwright…Heehaw."

Olivia laughed and repeated the gesture, "Hee haw…"

As the door closed behind them, she turned back towards her son's room and heard Elliot and Noah both laughing. She tugged on the pendant again and smiled, no, she didn't want the moon. She just wanted this…this and only this. Forever.

After twenty minutes, Elliot emerged from Noah's room and found her sitting on the couch looking up at the tree, two wine glasses sitting on the coffee table. He smiled, shut the door behind him and walked over to her, "He's out like a light…"

"Good." She whispered, handing him the glass, "He was up way too late…"

Elliot smiled sheepishly, "Sorry…my mom picked the longest movie ever."

She shook her head and took a sip of her wine, "Don't apologize. It was worth it…"

Glancing over at her, he saw her playing with the necklace he had given her, "You like it?"

"I love it." She whispered. "It's beautiful…"

He cleared his throat anxiously, "I bought it about four years ago…in this little boutique in Rome. I instantly thought of the movie…and I hated myself for breaking my promise to you."

"Well…you're here now." She whispered, "Right?"

"I'm here now…" He whispered, "With you…and Noah." He saw her smile, "You got your dream after all Liv…'

She took another sip of her wine and then placed it down on the table, "I saw Calvin…one more time. It was…" She sighed, "Honestly I don't know if it made it better or worse…"

Elliot frowned, "You know he'll never forget you."

"And I'll never forget him." She whispered, "I'm not sure I would have been ready for Noah if it weren't for him…hell some days I don't know if I'm even ready for Noah now but I keep blinking and time keeps going faster…so if I've screwed him up it's probably too late to fix it now."

"You didn't screw him up." Elliot whispered, "You saved him Liv…"

She shook her head and those thoughts of Lewis returned again though she tried to keep them at bay, "No…Noah saved me. That I can promise you. He was about the only thing that could keep me going on my dark days…"

He didn't task her to elaborate, he knew she'd tell him when and if she was ready, "Then maybe you saved each other." He saw the sadness creep into her face and he didn't want to leave her, but he also knew that sometimes she needed space, "You must be pretty tired too…you didn't sleep much last night."

"I am actually." She whispered, "Exhausted really…"

He cleared his throat and stood up, "Well…then I should let you get to sleep. Only one more day until our big date…" He saw her cheeks flush, "That is…if you still want to go."

She smiled nervously and stood up, "I still want to go…I mean I have to go. As Captain…" He looked somewhat disappointed by her response and she quickly added, "But I want to go…with you."

Feeling relieved, he smiled, "I'm glad to hear that…"

"Thanks for dinner…" She whispered and lifted her fingers to the necklace, "And the beautiful gift…you keep outdoing yourself."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek, "Four more to go…" When he pulled back he winked, "At least for this Christmas that is…"

She smiled as he turned to walk towards the door, "You planning on being around next Christmas Stabler?"

When he got to the door he turned to her and nodded, "Oh I'm planning on being around every Christmas Benson. You'll see…" He slowly opened the door and stepped into the hallway, "Oh and hey…if you change your mind about the moon thing. Let me know…I'll find that lasso…"

She squeezed the pendant in her hand, "I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight Elliot…"

"Goodnight Liv." He whispered and then he was gone.

Turning to look at the tree she moved forward to turn off the lights, ready to crawl into bed on her own. As she moved, a bell on the tree jingled and she smiled whispering to herself, "Everytime a bell rings…an angel gets its wings."

Sighing softly, she flipped the switch and walked towards her room hoping for a decent night's sleep. She wanted to be well rested before her date…she'd only waited two decades for it…