Last one was very heavy! This one is a lot clearer. They are heading in the right direction.
Song featured in this one: "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues - full disclosure, if you've never heard this song it's…different lol. But it's a song my Irish side of the family loves, minus the use of a specific word so for the sake of this story, I'm changing the word to something used in a cover by Vance Joy because I HATE the original lyric and will never use the word. Okay end of rant. Enjoy.
I own NOTHING.
Thursday December 23, 2021…
Elliot spent most of the night awake. She'd fallen asleep on the couch and he hated to move her. He also wasn't sure if she would feel comfortable just yet with him beside her in bed. He didn't want to leave her alone though. So he sat in front of the couch, leaning against it. He slept on and off, but mostly he watched her. Anytime she flinched, or made a sound in her sleep that made him think she was having a nightmare, he leaned in, held her hand and whispered, "I'm right here Liv."
And as quickly as the moment came, it would disappear again. It wasn't until sometime around four that he finally let himself drift off to sleep, still right beside her. A little after 6, the sun started streaming in through the window. Olivia began to stir slowly, her eyes drifting open and adjusting to the light. It took her a moment to remember why she was on the couch. But the first thing that she noticed was the weight of something in her hand. And then she smiled, it was his hand.
Moving slightly, the blanket slipped down her shoulder and she sighed as she watched him. He couldn't have been comfortable, hunched over, his head resting on the arm rest, his arm draped over her protectively, and his other hand nestled firmly in hers. She felt tears burning in her eyes and she heard herself make some sort of noise halfway between a sob and a whimper and his eyes quickly opened, searching for some sign of distress. He didn't move though, not until she reached out and gently touched his cheek, "Morning,.." He whispered.
Taking a shaky breath her voice cracked as she spoke two words out loud, "You stayed."
Nodding slowly, he leaned in and kissed her forehead, "I stayed…"
He stayed like that, leaning over her for a moment, letting her wake fully before he moved to sit up. She sighed and tugged at the blanket, adjusting it in her lap as she sat up, "You must be very uncomfortable…"
"I'm fine." He said but grimaced and she heard his back crack, "I've been in worse shape before…"
Clearing her throat she whispered, "I can't remember the last time I slept that deeply…"
"You needed it." He said stifling a yawn, "You feel better?"
She heard the concern in his voice and it made her heart beat just a little faster, "Yeah…I do…"
He heard the hesitance in her voice and something pulled at the back of his mind. She watched him as he sat up, a weary look on his face. Sitting down on the coffee table, he moved the book over that he'd given her last night, the one she'd fallen asleep to him reading to her. She saw a worried look on her face and she frowned, reaching for his hand once more, "El?"
Taking her hand in his, he began to trace the lines of her palm and whispered, "Listen, if tonight is too much for you…if you're not up for it. It's okay. I completely understand."
Shifting on the couch, the blanket fell and pooled at her feet as she moved closer to him, "El…"
"We don't have to go. Or if you feel like you need to go but aren't up to going together…I get that too. We can just do our own thing. Whatever you're comfortable with is fine by me." He whispered.
She knew he meant it. She knew he'd do just about anything to make her smile, especially after last night. She knew that she'd scared him. And that wasn't her intention. She couldn't remember the last time she had broken like that, or if she had even fallen that far over the edge. Maybe she could only do it when she felt truly safe, and with him, she did. And while he would accept not going, she knew that it would also disappoint him even if he never said it.
But she was ready. Yesterday had been horrible. But today, today the sun was shining and she'd woken up beside him and everything, everything felt so much better, "Oh we're going." He lifted his head to look at her, she saw the surprise on his face, "And we're going together. You promised me a date. The kind where you pick me up, hold the door and I wear a fabulous dress that you drool over…there's no backing out of this."
He smiled, feeling the playful nature returning, the sadness, at least for this moment seemed to have disappeared in the night, "Oh yeah?"
Placing both of her feet firmly on the ground, she pushed herself up and his eyes followed her, looking straight up at her, "I've waited 23 years for a date with Elliot Stabler. And I'll be damned if anything gets in the way now. We're going. Understood?"
He beamed up at her, nodding slowly, "Understood Cap."
Taking a deep breath she looked around, "I uh…I was thinking about surprising Noah at school this morning. I hate not seeing him before he goes in and I know he was worried yesterday…didn't believe me when I said I was fine. And since I won't be with him tonight…"
Elliot smiled at her and stood up, "I bet he'll love that." He paused a moment before asking softly, "Can I come?"
Leaning up on her toes, she kissed his cheek and whispered, "I was hoping you would…" When she pulled back she smiled and he knew why, "Did you shave yesterday?"
He shook his head, "I did not. And I wasn't planning on it today…" She gave him a look, "Might not go for the full beard…but somewhere in between." He reached up and rubbed the top of his head, "Can't grow it up here anymore so…"
She smiled and traced the line of his face, feeling the stubble under her fingers, "Somewhere in between is good…"
Looking at her now, he saw how much more relaxed she seemed compared to last night and it warmed his heart. He also hoped deep down it was because she felt comfortable, safe with him. Taking her hand he squeezed softly, "You seem better…"
She beamed up at him, taking his other hand, moving them back and forth, "Do I?" He nodded once and she sighed, remembering the words he'd said to her months ago, "Uh...thanks. I'm actually confused as hell. About so many things."
He sucked in his lower lip, remembering that day well too. Leaning in, he kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Well you look better. So whatever it is you're doing...keep doing it."
As he pulled away, he squeezed her hand and walked towards the kitchen to make some coffee. And all she could think was, the one thing she wasn't confused about anymore was that her heart would always belong to Elliot Stabler…
Driving to school in the back of Fin's car, Noah had his head resting against the cold window. It had rained last night and all the snow had washed away making it look like a dreary sight in the city. He sighed, and looked down at his phone wishing his Mom would call. He hadn't slept well. She said she was fine…but he knew better. He knew that look on her face. She did her best to keep it all hidden from him, but he knew that sometimes he struggled. He may not know why, but he knew that whatever it was was very difficult for her.
Fin pulled up in front of the school and looked at him in the mirror sympathetically, "Ready kid?" Noah looked back at him, "Last day before break…"
Noah reached for his bag and nodded, "Yeah…"
He hopped out of the car first and Fin went to follow him, but his eyes fell on something a few feet from him and he smiled. Reaching for the door handle, he got out and helped Noah adjust his backpack, "Hey before you go in…"
Noah looked up at his Mother's best friend and smiled, "Uncle Fin…I'm good. Really. Thanks for last night. Tell Phoebe the tacos were great."
Fin smiled and squeezed his shoulder, "I'll tell her…but there is one thing you should see before you head in." Noah gave him a strange look and Fin smiled, nodding his head forward.
Noah turned and followed his gaze, and when he saw it, he dropped his backpack and ran along the sidewalk. His Mom and Elliot were standing there, leaning against Elliot's car waiting for him. He crashed hard against his Mom, "Mom!"
Elliot stepped back slightly to give them a little space, he saw tears in Olivia's eyes as she leaned forward and enveloped her son in her arms, "Hey baby."
They had both needed this, he was just glad she had wanted him here too.
Noah looked up at her and smiled hard, "What are you doing here?"
She lifted her hands and ran them through his brown curls, "Last day before break! I had to see you before you went in. That okay?"
Noah nodded and leaned in to hug her again, "Yeah." He squeezed hard and whispered so only she could hear him, "Do you feel better now?"
She ducked her head low and pressed her lips to his temple, "Yeah baby. I feel much better now."
When she squeezed him he squeezed back and pulled back and looked at Noah, "You came too?"
Elliot shrugged and pulled something from behind his back, "I always gave my kids a treat the last day before break…picked this up for you. Heard they were your favorite from one of Santa's favorite elves…" He said winking at Olivia.
Noah reached out and took the bag from him, he didn't have to look in it to know it was a cookie from his favorite bakery near their house, "You got one for me? Like you did for your kids?"
Elliot nodded and leaned against his car, he saw the look on Noah's face and he didn't have to look at Olivia to know that she was feeling the same thing, "I did. That okay with you?"
Noah nodded and held the bag closer to him, "Yeah…that's okay with me."
Olivia cleared her throat nervously and reached out to squeeze Noah's shoulder as Fin walked over to them with his backpack, "So uh…you have school and then I'll see you tonight for a bit. But you know that we have the Gala we have to go too. So Lucy will be with you. I'll be home late. But if you want me home I can-"
"No." Noah said with a shake of his head, "You're going. I didn't sneak into your room and take a picture of the color of your dress and send it to Elliot so he could match with his tie for nothing…"
Olivia gasped and the two men laughed, "You did what?"
Noah shrugged and looked at Elliott, "He asked me to do it!"
Olivia looked at Elliot who shrugged right back, "Guilty."
She huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Partners in crime already I see…"
"Absolutely." Elliot said holding his hand out and Olivia watched in amazement as the two of them performed some sort of handshake together like they'd done it a million times. Elliot looked back at her and smiled, "We came up with it the other night at my place…"
She bit down hard on her lip and nodded, "Huh…"
Fin smiled and held out Noah's backpack as the bell rang, "Alright little man, you don't want to be late."
Noah took the backpack, slipped it on and smiled, "Thanks for everything Uncle Fin."
"Anytime kid." He said ruffling his hair, "You know I actually like you better than your Mom…"
Noah smirked, "Everyone does."
"Hey!" Olivia said, tickling his side, "That was rude! I'll take back what I told Lucy about making Gingerbread houses and staying up late tonight."
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Noah said hugging her, "You're the coolest Mom! Everyone knows it!"
"That's better." She dropped a kiss to the top of his head and pushed him back, "Go on…I'll see you later."
Noah stepped back onto the sidewalk and waved at the three most important people in his life, feeling incredibly grateful this morning, "Bye."
They waved as he started to walk towards the school. He took three steps, then paused and Olivia felt her heart jump, worried that something was wrong. But before she could say anything, Noah had turned back around and ran at them, crashing against not only her but Elliot, pulling them closer so that this time he was hugging them both. Olivia's breath caught in her throat and she looked up to see Elliot staring down at her son in amazement before lifting his head to look at her, a glint in his eye, an understanding passing between the two of them. Noah squeezed them again and whispered, "Best surprise ever…"
Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, leaned down and kissed the top of his head, "I love you."
"I love you too." Noah said smiling, "I love you both." He clarified before turning to look at Elliot.
And then he turned and walked away again, leaving the three adults on the sidewalk. Even Fin felt the weight of the moment, the emotion and he cleared his throat, reaching out and squeezing Olivia's arm, "I'll see you at work?"
She glanced over at him only after Noah was out of view, "Thank you Fin…"
He nodded, "Anytime." He reached his hand out for Elliot, "See you tonight?"
Elliot shook it firmly and nodded, "I'll be there."
"I'm glad to hear it." Fin said pulling back, "Damn glad…"
He gave them a wave and walked back to his car leaving the old partners alone once more. Olivia shifted nervously, her fingers tracing the crescent moon pendant on her neck, "That was…"
Taking a deep breath, Elliot pulled her against his chest and kissed her forehead, "That was everything I've ever wanted Liv…
She sighed, wrapping her arms around his waist and whispering, "Me too…"
They stood there for a moment, just enjoying this feeling. But when he finally pulled back, she looked up as she felt something hit the tip of her nose and her smile only grew. It was snowing again, the sky was brightening and it felt like the darkness was once again disappearing…
"Come on." He whispered, "I gotta get you to work Captain…if you're late you'll have to stay late and I don't want that. Not tonight…"
She smiled as he held the door open for her, "Why? Something important going on tonight?"
He chuckled and nodded, "Something very important…"
She shrugged and asked, "Something two decades in the making?"
"Exactly." He said with a smile, "Something two decades in the making…"
Climbing into the car she ran her hand along his arm and he sighed happily before shutting the door behind her. He glanced back at Noah's school and smiled, yes, things were definitely going in the right direction.
Elliot went back to his apartment and crashed immediately. He was exhausted and wanted to be alert for tonight. He slept soundly knowing that Olivia was safe, that she was feeling better and that she still wanted to go tonight. When he woke up, he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling trying to calm the nerves rattling away in his chest. He wanted this. More than anything. He'd wanted this for so long. But it didn't mean he wasn't terrified.
He'd been with the same woman for so long, and he knew his place with Kathy. And while he knew what it was like being Olivia Benson's partner, to be her lover, her boyfriend, that was something new. Something exciting. But there was part of him that worried that he wouldn't be able to be the man she needed, let alone the man she deserved. With a heavy sigh, he rolled over and looked at the clock. He had three hours until he needed to go pick her up. Climbing out of bed, he went to the shower, standing under the hot water spray as it pounded down on his muscles.
This was it.
Whatever happened tonight would decide the rest of their future. Waking up next to her this morning, going to see Noah at school, that's what he wanted. He rolled his neck back and forth and thought about tonight. He always hated these events. He hated people staring at him. Hated wearing a big fancy outfit. And this would be the first big event since he'd been back in the NYPD.
He knew people talked. He'd received condolences about Kathy, well wishes on the trial and sympathy when the mistrial was announced. But he wasn't stupid. Even before he left, he knew he had a reputation. He saw the way people looked at him, like he was a ticking time bomb. Like he couldn't be trusted. And now, more than ever, he knew that people still felt that way. Sometimes, he wasn't sure why Olivia put up with him, why she believed in him as much as she did. To be there tonight, on her arm, would send a message.
He'd be lying if he wasn't worried people would think he was going to drag her down with him. He was holding it together as best he could. But he knew that down the road there would be moments, days when he too was falling apart. He knew she'd tell him that if she could fall apart with him, then he could fall apart with her. But he wanted to be strong and he wanted to be worthy of Olivia Benson.
Walking out into the living room in his sweats, he saw his Mother and Kathleen sitting in the kitchen, "Please tell me you're not wearing that tonight…"
Elliot laughed and reached for a mug, filling it with coffee, "What's wrong with it?"
Kathleen huffed, "Olivia deserves more than that…"
He smiled and leaned against the counter, taking a sip he nodded, "She does. And I have a very expensive suit hanging in the closet…with a tie that matches her dress."
Kathleen beamed at him, "Fin sent me a full picture of the dress…" Elliot looked surprised, "You're gonna die."
He snorted and placed the mug down, "I figured…"
Bernie walked over to him and touched his cheek, "Are you gonna at least shave for the girl?"
Elliot brushed her hand off, "Hands off Ma…"
Kathleen smirked, "Some women like a little scruff Grandma B." Elliot blushed and she laughed, "You're nervous!"
He groaned and turned away from her, "I am not nervous…"
"Yes. You are." She said with a laugh, "You're blushing!" Elliot tried to walk away and she sighed, "Dad…"
He turned back to her and shrugged, "Alright, yes, I'm nervous. You happy? Of course I'm nervous. I haven't been on a first date since…" He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Not to mention the guilt I'm feeling over…"
Kathleen and Bernie shared a look, Bernie walked over to her son and took his hand, "Honey, I dated after your Father died. I wasn't gonna sit around praying for his immortal soul…"
Elliot chuckled and lowered his hand, "Lord knows he needed it…"
"Yes. He did." Bernie said with a smile, "But it's okay to move on…you don't need to be alone forever." Looking back at her granddaughter she smiled, "I'm gonna go watch my shows…the Christmas episodes are always the best."
Kathleen stood up and walked closer to her, "Dad…"
He frowned and looked at her, "Kathleen…this is complicated."
"I know." Kathleen said with a shrug, "We all know that. But…" Reaching for his arm, she squeezed his arm and whispered, "We all want you to be happy. And Olivia…she makes you happier than I think I've ever seen."
Looking at his daughter, he lifted his hand and brushed back a strand of her hair, "You look like your Mom…did you know that?"
She smiled, "I've only been told that my whole life…"
Elliot's voice filled with emotion and he dropped his hand, taking his daughter's small hand in his, "I loved your Mother…very much. We went through a lot together. She put up with a lot of shit."
"She wasn't a saint either, Dad." She whispered, he looked surprised, "You both made mistakes. We all do…but it's okay."
He narrowed his eyes at her, "When did you grow up? I think I blinked because I'm sure yesterday I was teaching you how to ride a bike…"
She laughed and said, "I don't know when it happened…but it did." She looked up at him and said again, "It's okay Dad…it's okay."
Swallowing hard, he leaned forward and pulled her in for a hug, "I love you kid."
She squeezed him tight and whispered, "I love you too." Pulling back she smiled, "It's gonna be a good night Dad. I can feel it. You're safe with Olivia…"
When it was time to go, Elliot stood in his bedroom, staring at himself in the mirror. His dark green tie that matched her dress was draped over his shoulders. Looking at himself now, he saw a flash of the man he'd once known, her old partner. The man she'd fallen in love with and he hoped that he could still be that man, if not a much better version of him. Taking a deep breath, he went to tie his tie but he felt a hand on his back and he turned to see his Mother standing in front of him, "Can I help?"
Elliot smiled and turned all the way towards her, "I'd like that."
Her hands shook slightly as she adjusted the material, a reminder of how old she was getting and how much time he had missed. Just another regret of his that he hoped to make right. She concentrated, tongue between her teeth as she moved, "I remember helping you with your tie when you went to your first dance in High School…you remember that?"
Elliot watched her carefully and, like he had seen a flash of his old self, he saw her, much younger, full of life on one of her good days and he smiled, "I remember Mama."
"You went with that girl down the street…what was her name?" She asked looking up at him, "Long brown hair…didn't talk much. At least not in front of me. Her Father owned the Penny and Dime down on Main street…"
Elliot cleared his throat, "Annabelle Mongtomery."
Bernie smiled, "Annabelle…yes that was it. Whatever happened to her?"
Elliot smiled, "Well I tried to kiss her and she wasn't interested." Bernie gave him a look and he laughed, "Last I heard…she became a nun…"
"Oh." Bernie chuckled, "Well she married God then…good for her." Adjusting his tie so it was just right, she smoothed her hand down his chest, "You were handsome then…and you're even more handsome now. Even without the hair…" She teased rubbing the top of his head.
He laughed, "That's your Father's fault…he was bald too."
"Hair or no hair…" She held his face in his hands, "You're still the most handsome man. And Olivia thinks so too…"
Elliot was quiet for a moment, "Why am I so nervous?"
She smiled and tugged on his tie, "Because you really love her…"
He looked down at himself and smoothed his shirt, "Yeah…I do."
Stepping back she smiled, "Alright, I suppose we should have the talk that we had before you went on your first date. Not that it helped…you knocked up Kathy right away-"
"Jesus Mama." Elliot said with a laugh as he cringed, "I uh…I really don't want to discuss this with you."
"Well…I'm just saying." He gave her a look and she sighed, "Okay so you probably don't have to worry about that…but you do have to remember to be respectful. And a gentleman…follow her lead."
Elliot smiled sheepishly, "I will…this is all up to her. I'm lucky that she even speaks to me…I'm not gonna screw this up."
Bernie bit down hard on her lip and looked at him, "It makes me happy…to know that when I'm gone-"
"Mama…" He shook his head, "Don't. Don't say things like that…"
"Well I'm not a spring chicken Elliot…" She frowned, "It's inevitable…"
His heart ached at the thought of having to say goodbye. He wasn't good at goodbyes. He'd made that clear. Leaning back against his dresser he took a deep breath and looked straight at her, "I'm really glad you're here…with us. I know it hasn't been easy and I've been gone a lot but I do want to make up for the time I lost with you too. Not just Olivia…" He frowned, "Although to be fair…I have a lot more than ten years to make up for with you."
"Well I didn't make life easy." She said with a smile, "I still don't."
"Well I wouldn't be here without you…wouldn't have my five children…be the man I am without you." He whispered, "So…I want to spend as much time with you as I can, while I can."
Bernie lifted a hand and wiped at her eyes, "Okay, rule number one, don't make Olivia cry tonight. Okay?"
Elliot laughed and nodded, "I'll do my best…"
Taking a deep breath, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, "I love you son. Remember that."
"I love you too Mama." He whispered back, kissing her cheek, "I love you too."
Pulling back, she patted his cheek gently, "Go get her…"
At her apartment, Olivia stood in her room, turning on the spot, smoothing down the dark green material of her dress. It fit her like a glove, hugged her curves in all the right places. And while part of her felt confident, the other part of her felt out of her element. Gone were the days of slipping anything on and stepping out into the world without giving it a second thought. The dark green contrasted with her olive skin, the sleeves were long and the slit up the side, if she moved her right leg just enough, he'd get quite an eyeful. The front dipped down low, lower than she'd worn in a long time, and the moon pendant rested against her neck.
Taking a deep breath she lifted her hand and tugged on the curls hanging on either side of her face, the rest of her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail. A suggestion from Amanda. Leaning in, she checked her makeup, subtle enough that it looked natural, but just enough around the eyes to make them a little darker. Standing back, she sighed and said, "What are you doing Benson?"
As if on cue, her phone rang and she didn't even have to look to know who it was, "She's got the dress on!"
Olivia turned to look at the phone, "Have you already started drinking Sergeant?"
Fin laughed and held the phone out so she could see Amanda, "We came straight from work. So…yeah."
Olivia looked down at herself, "I don't know about this guys…"
"You look amazing." Phoebe said, poking her head in the frame, "Not that there was ever any doubt in that."
"I'm a Captain, a Mother." She said with a growl, "I can't walk around looking like this."
"Hell yeah you can." Amanda said quickly, "And you will. And Stabler will be one lucky son of a bitch to be beside you."
Fin snorted, "If he can even stand up once he sees her…he may fall flat on the floor."
"Would you three stop it!" Olivia said quickly, "This isn't funny!"
"It's actually four." Carisi said, jumping into the mix, "And no, it isn't funny. It's the truth."
Looking down at the dress again, she put her hand on her hip and frowned, "It's not too much…"
"No!" All four of them yelled at the same time that Lucy knocked on the door.
Olivia turned, "Come in Lucy…"
Lucy poked her head in and smiled, "Noah just saw Elliot's car pulled up…he wanted you to have a warning." She beamed at Olivia, "You look incredible!"
"See?" Fin asked, "You got five people telling you you're crushing it Liv. And he's on his way up…so you aren't allowed to crawl into the closet and fake being sick. You're coming!"
"Maybe in more ways than one tonight…" Amanda snorted.
"Jesus!" Olivia pointed at her, "Make her eat something before I get there…"
They all laughed and Fin smiled, "See you in a bit Cap!"
She growled, hung up the phone and reached for her purse, "Lucy…"
"You're gonna knock him dead…" Lucy said happily, "And in case I haven't told you lately…I'm really happy for you."
Olivia heard a knock on the door and her heart jumped in her chest, "Oh…thank you."
Lucy smiled and stepped back, "I'll give you a minute…"
"Thank you." Olivia whispered before turning back to the mirror, she took a breath and whispered, "You can do this Benson…"
The door opened and Noah didn't even give Elliot a minute before he launched himself at him, "Hey Elliot!"
Elliot laughed and held him with one arm, flowers resting in his other hand, "Hey kid! Happy vacation!"
Noah looked up at him and smiled, "Thanks for the cupcake. My friends at school were all jealous."
Elliot smiled, "I'm glad you liked it…" He pulled at his tie, "This good?"
"It's perfect!" Noah said as Lucy walked up behind her, "Isn't it perfect Lucy?"
Lucy smiled and pulled Noah closer, "It definitely matches." She smiled and held out her hand, "It's nice to officially meet you. I'm Lucy."
Elliot smiled and shook her hand, "I've heard a lot about you." He nodded towards Noah, "Thank you for taking such good care of this guy…"
Lucy smiled and squeezed his shoulder, "He makes it easy. He's a great kid."
"That he is." He pulled at his tie and glanced towards Olivia's room, "So…"
Noah smiled wider and leaned against Lucy, "She's nervous…"
He let out a shaky breath and nodded, "That makes two of us then…"
And then he heard the door open, and time seemed to stop. He looked down first, not sure if he was ready. He heard the clicking of her heels on the floor and he envisioned her all those years walking towards him in the squad room. All those times he wondered if they could just get the timing right, could they be more? And finally, when his eyes slowly lifted up towards her, he was pretty sure he forgot how to breathe.
"Hey…" She whispered standing in front of him, lifting her hand to brush back the curls out of her face.
He swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath, "You're beautiful…" She blushed and Noah giggled, he took a nervous breath and whispered, "Uh…I mean hi." He cringed, "Not that you aren't…because you are. You're…" He shook his head, "I just meant…"
"Elliot." She reached out and squeezed his arm, leaning in so only he could hear her she whispered, "Breathe…it's just me."
He smiled and moved his hand towards hers, "Just you…yeah…"
They were staring at each other, lost in this moment after over two decades, but they heard a click and jumped. Turning, they saw Noah holding his phone out, "Noah…"
He moved his head and smiled innocently, "For the group chat…" She shot him a look and Elliot started laughing, "I made a promise!"
Her mouth hung open for a moment and she sighed, but then felt Elliot slide his hand around her waist, pulling her closer, "What-"
"We might as well give them something to talk about…" He said, turning her body towards the camera, "Smile."
She inhaled sharply and felt her body pressed against his, "Mom…it's okay to pretend you actually like the guy…"
Olivia squeezed Elliot's side and whispered, "Right…"
Noah smiled and took the picture, "They'll love that one."
Lucy nodded, "Definitely a keeper…"
"Yeah. She is." Elliot whispered towards Olivia, her head snapped up to him and he held out the flowers, "These are for you."
She blushed and looked down, "They're gorgeous…thank you."
Noah rushed over to them and reached for them, "Lucy and I will take care of those…you two have somewhere you need to be."
Olivia laughed and said, "Why are you rushing us…"
Noah huffed and looked straight at her, "Because Uncle Fin said if I let you wait more than five minutes to leave it'll be another twenty three years until you two get it together again…"
Elliot bent his head and laughed and Olivia sighed, "I'm starting to think he doesn't want to keep his job anymore…"
Noah laughed and hugged her, "You look really pretty Mom. Have a great time!"
"Thanks honey." She kissed the top of his head and squeezed tight, "Please be good. And try and get some sleep…tomorrow is Christmas Eve."
"Before you go." Lucy said, "What about a picture of the three of you?"
Olivia looked down at her son and he smiled, "For the group chat?"
Olivia laughed and settled him in front of her and Elliot, Elliot's arm wrapping around them both, "For the group chat…"
"Night kid." Elliot said ruffling his hair, "Thanks for all your help."
"Anytime." Noah said, giving him a little salute, "Have her back by midnight…and any tears and you answer to me."
Elliot gave him a salute back and nodded, "Yes sir."
"Have fun!" Lucy called as she pulled Noah away.
Elliot grabbed Olivia's coat and helped her slip it on before they walked out into the hallway. Shutting the door behind her, she turned to look at Elliot who was watching her intently, as if he was afraid to miss a moment, "So…we're really doing this?"
Elliot held out his hand, "Looks like it. You still in?"
Resting her hand in his she nodded with absolute certainty, "Absolutely."
And then they walked together towards the elevator, ready for their official first date.
The minute they walked through the doors, all eyes were on them. And instantly, she felt the shift in Elliot's mood. He'd been playful, caring and attentive in the car. But as soon as they were the center of attention, he seemed anxious. Handing her coat to the attendant, she turned back to Elliot and smiled, "You okay?"
Elliot cleared his throat and nodded, "Yeah. Yeah I'm good." She continued to stare at him and he smiled sadly, "You know these kinds of things were never my favorite…" He saw her nod slowly, and he knew she was feeling a little disappointed, maybe thinking he was regretting being here with her, "I haven't seen a lot of these people in many years…some don't know me but think they do."
And then she understood. It wasn't about her or them. It was about himself, the time he had lost, the opinions and assumptions that others had made and continued to make, "But I know you."
Standing up a little bit straighter, he felt a rush of emotion course through him and he reached for her hand, "Yeah. You do. Better than anyone…and for some damn reason you still tolerate me."
She squeezed his hand affectionately and pulled him closer, "There are a lot of reasons Stabler…a hell of a lot." Looking past him she smiled when she saw Fin, Amanda, Phoebe and Carisi, "Well…we may want to grab a drink if we want to keep up with them."
Elliot turned and followed her gaze, "I think you might be right…" His eyes shifted to the side and he saw Ayanna and her wife cuddled up in the corner, "My squad doesn't look any better…"
Olivia laughed and turned towards the bar, "Let's hope the criminals take tonight off…otherwise New York is in some serious trouble."
Elliot laughed and pressed his hand into her back, he heard her inhale sharply and it made him smile to know she felt the spark too, "Come on." They crossed the room, smiling politely as people passed them and then sidled up to the bar, he turned to her, "Red wine?"
Olivia nodded and kept her fingers threaded with his, "Please."
Olivia let him order, knowing that he knew what she liked and her eyes roamed around the room. She saw many familiar faces, some who had been here when Elliot still worked at SVU, others who had started after. Sometimes it seemed like two different lifetimes. It felt even stranger to have him here now, beside her after all this time. And yet, it also felt so right. She heard Elliot talking to the bartender before her eyes landed on someone she didn't really feel like chatting with tonight.
Something in her body language must have alerted Elliot because he turned to her, "Liv? You good?"
She cleared her throat and nodded, and for a moment wondered if she should drop his hand. But then, at the last second, she pulled him even closer, "Yep."
"Captain Benson." Chief McGrath said as he sidled up to them, "Lovely to see you."
Olivia turned to him and tried to smile as politely as possible, "Chief McGrath…good evening." She turned to look at Elliot, "Do you know Detective Stabler?"
The Chief turned slowly to look at him, "Everyone knows the famous Detective Stabler…"
She felt Elliot tense beside her as he handed her her glass, "Thank you."
Elliot nodded curtly, "Chief."
Chief McGrath pulled at his coat, "I was sorry to hear about the mistrial…here's hoping justice is served next time."
Elliot held up his drink and tried to smile, "Here's hoping…"
Olivia squeezed his hand in hers and cleared her throat, "You know…we were just heading over to say hello to some of our friends. Maybe we'll see you later?"
"Sure. Sure." He said, stepping back, "But before you go…" His eyes fell down towards their joined hands and he smiled, "I just wanted to say…it's nice to see you out and about for a change. Taking back your life. You've had quite a lot going on in the last decade…" He turned to Elliot and smiled, "I suppose that applies to both of you."
She felt Elliot move towards him and she pressed a hand to his chest, "Yes. We have. But that's life isn't it? It's all about getting up again even when others want to see you fail." She smiled angrily, "Even when those people are supposed to be on your team…" She tugged on Elliot's arm, "If you'll excuse us."
Elliot glared at McGrath as they walked past, "Who the hell does he think he is?"
Olivia rolled her eyes, "The Chief…and sadly he is."
"I can't stand him." He growled, "How do we get Garland back? I liked him. Even if he wasn't so sure about me…at least he was fair. Decent."
A sadness passed over Olivia's face and she frowned, "He's not coming back. Though I wish he would…"
Elliot turned to her before they walked to the rest of her squad, "Losing him and Kat had to have been hard…I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you."
She took a deep breath and looked up at him and shrugged, "I've lost a lot of people in the last ten years El. Gained some new friends along the way…a son." She lifted her wine to her lips and whispered, "And some old friends showed up just in the knick of time too…"
Elliot smiled softly at her, "Friends? Is that what we are?"
She shrugged and tossed her hair over her shoulder, "For now…"
He didn't have a chance to respond because Amanda was walking over to them, "Cap, you are putting every single woman to shame in that dress tonight." She pulled her in for a hug, "Whoever bought it must have good taste…"
Olivia laughed as they all said their hellos, easing into small talk. She never strayed from Elliot's side, needing him just as much as he needed her. Soon they were ushered to their seats and joined by Ayanna, her wife and Jet. Everyone settled into a comfortable conversation as their meals were served, everyone except for Elliot it seemed. People kept approaching the table, welcoming him back officially, offering their condolences on Kathy and the case, asking about his kids. Others passed and whispered as they watched him and Olivia. Everyone at their table could feel the tension, they tried to dismantle it by telling stories. But most of the stories were about things that Elliot had missed and it seemed like all roads lead back to his disappearance.
After another group of people walked by and one of them drunkenly slurred, "Can't believe he actually came back…" Olivia knew he was done.
After only eating half of his meal, Elliot pushed his plate towards the middle of the table and smiled at Olivia, "I'll uh…be back."
She looked up at him, her heart jumping in her chest, "You okay?"
He nodded slowly, "Yeah…" He pointed towards the restroom and she nodded.
But somehow she knew, just like she always did, that he wasn't going to the bathroom. She gave it ten minutes before she placed her napkin down and smiled, "Will you excuse me?"
Everyone nodded slowly, not bothering to ask her or question her. No one gave her a sympathetic look, at least not at her table. But as she crossed the room, looking for him, she knew all eyes were on her. What were they thinking? And did it really matter? She knew that for years people had made assumptions. Jokes about how Stabler and Benson were more than just partners in the squad room. Jokes about how his wife must be a saint. Jokes about why she was always single. She'd always held her head up high knowing that she knew the truth, and so did Elliot, and quite frankly that was all that mattered.
So, taking a deep breath, she pressed her hand against her belly and moved forward, walking with confidence. She looked good and she knew it. Let them stare, she thought. Let them assume. Let them gossip. At the end of the day, their opinions didn't matter. She finally spotted him out on the balcony, leaning against the railing and looking out into the dark city night. Slipping through the glass door, she walked up behind him not wanting to startle him but he seemed to sense she was there.
"I'm sorry Liv. I'll be back in a second…" He said quickly, he looked over at her and tried to smile but it was forced, "Just need a little air."
Walking up beside him, she looked out at the city, and a breeze swept through her hair, making the loose strands framing her face swing back and forth, "You know…I was used to people staring. Having opinions. Part of the game here…especially when you are a female cop." Elliot turned towards her, "Usually I could brush it all off and ignore it." Bracing her hands on the railing she squeezed hard and he noticed it, "But after Lewis…"
He tensed slightly and stood up, "Olivia…
She smiled sadly and shrugged, "Those looks…those were the worst. Everyone was waiting…just waiting for me to break. I know a lot of them think I lied…some maybe believed the crap that he said. Maybe some believe that he did rape me but I was to ashmed to admit it. And others…others probably think I killed him." She turned towards him and shrugged, "And if we're being honest…I wish I fucking did."
He shook his head admently, "They don't know you Olivia. They don't know what you went through. Screw them…"
She nodded slowly and reached out for his hand, "You're right." Giving it a gentle squeeze she whispered, "Just like they don't know you…or what you went through. So screw them."
He looked down at her delicate hand in his and whispered, "I know they think I'm a monster. They always did…that I had no self control. That I would go off at the drop of a hat. They think that…" He cringed and she squeezed his hand, "I know they think I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I sure as hell don't deserve your love. I never did."
Using her free hand, she reached out, touched his cheek and titled his face up towards her, "I don't care what they think. I decide who I forgive, who I love. This is my life. And I forgive you. And I love you. The rest of them can go to hell." Her hand slid down his rough cheek and landed just above his heart, she could feel it pounding hard, "I know you. I know your heart. I know our past…our present and I know that I want a future with you."
He swallowed hard, feeling the lump forming in his throat, feeling his love for her grow by the second, "Olivia…"
"I also know that what pisses people off the most is when they assume you'll fail but you just keep succeeding." She adjusted his tie and smiled, "So you need to show them you aren't broken. That you are still here. You're still standing and this time you aren't going anywhere."
He stood up a little straighter and peered down at her, "How do I do that?"
"You hold your head up high." She said looking straight up at him, "You smile. And you hold my hand when we walk out of here right now."
He frowned, "No…I know that this is…"
"I never liked these things either." She said with an eye roll, "I don't care where we are El. As long as we're together…that's all that matters to me. Besides…I have a better idea where our first date should be and who we should be with."
He smiled softly, "I don't know what I did to deserve you…but I have never been more thankful for you than I am right now. I love you."
Looking back, she saw that everyone was staring at them through the window and she leaned up and kissed his cheek, slipped her hand in his and whispered, "Grab my coat for me?"
He nodded, "You're not gonna tell me where we're going?"
She winked and shook her head, "A girls gotta have a few surprises up her sleeves still." She squeezed his hand and asked, "Ready?" He nodded once, "Head high, smile…it'll drive them crazy. You'll see."
Turning slowly, they walked towards the doors hand in hand. He'd walked beside her a million times before, side by side, always in sync in their steps. But this, this was new. He was looking down at the floor, but he felt her squeeze his hand once more. And slowly, as they walked through the doors, he lifted his head and looked straight ahead. He saw them looking, some leaning in and whispering to their friends. And he smiled, nodded his head and pulled her closer. She was right. Fuck 'em. This was his life, and he was going to live it the way he wanted too. Let them judge all they want. As long as she forgave him, as long as she loved him, believed in him…no one else mattered.
He leaned down and kissed her temple, whispering, "Thank you."
She squeezed his arm and walked back to their table as he walked to the door. She was sure people assumed he was leaving without her, but let them keep watching she thought. Hands on the back of her chair she smiled at her friends, "Hey so, we're gonna head out of here. I expect the members of my team to act responsibly…I don't want any phone calls needing to bail any of you out or pick you up at the hospital."
Ayanna smiled, "I'll keep an eye on them Cap."
Olivia turned to her and nodded, "Thank you. You don't mind that I'm stealing your Detective?"
Ayanna looked towards the door where Elliot was waiting for Olivia's coat, "Not at all. There are more important things than a gala…have a great night."
"Thank you." She said with a nod, then she turned to Fin, "Hey can I borrow you for a second Sergeant?"
Fin smiled and placed his napkin down on the table before walking over to her, "I think we're on the same page here Cap."
She pulled him to the side and smiled, "Really?"
Fin nodded and looked down at his watch, "I gotta give it another forty five minutes or so with Phoebe. But then she'll be good with her team. I already called John and Cragen. Meet you at Monty's around 9?"
Her heart jumped in her chest and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him, "In case I haven't told you this before…you are the best friend a girl could ask for Fin."
He smiled and squeezed her tight, "I got your back Liv. Always." When she pulled away, he wiped at one of her tears and looked back at Elliot, "I got his too. Once a member of SVU, always a member."
She sighed and looked back at him, "He's doing his best…"
"I know." Fin said, "I can see it. You both are. And if you think I haven't had a few choice words with some of these assholes already…you'd be wrong."
She laughed and shook her head, "Of course you did."
"See you in a bit?" He asked, and she nodded, "It will be good…like old times."
"Old times." She whispered with a smile, "Old times…and new times."
He nodded again cocked his head towards Elliot, "Go on." He gave her a knowing look and whispered, "Head high. Show 'em who's boss."
She winked and turned, reaching for her bag at the table, "Goodnight everyone. And if I don't see you…Merry Christmas."
They waved and said their goodbyes knowing she was doing exactly what she needed to do. As she turned, she walked across the room and felt everyone watching. But the only person she had eyes for was standing by the door, her coat held out in front of him. He already looked calmer, more clear headed and she smiled, the kind of smile that made him weak in the knees. And when she approached him, she turned her back, he carefully helped her put her coat on.
"They're all staring…" He whispered in her ear, she looked at him curiously and he smiled, "Because you look sexy as all hell…and they're jealous that I'm the man that gets to walk out of here with you."
She smiled brighter, flipped her ponytail out of her coat and took his hand again, "They should be jealous that I am the woman who gets to walk out of here with you." She squeezed his hand and turned them towards the door, "Come on."
And without turning back, they both walked out the door, heads held high, hand in hand both thinking the same thing. Let's finally give them something real to talk about.
Elliot drove through the streets, his hand firmly clasped in Olivia's. He'd tried more than once to apologize, to say they should go back but she wouldn't let him. He wasn't sure where they were going but she was humming to herself and giving directions as he drove. And then, suddenly he knew. He laughed and pulled into the parking lot, "The Diner?"
She nodded, "I didn't finish my dinner and before we start drinking…I should fill up a bit more." She smiled and reached for the door handle, "Besides, I wanna show Linda my outfit."
He looked down at her leg which was peeking out from under the slit, "It's a hell of a dress…that's for sure."
SHe winked at him and climbed out, "We're just eating quick. We have a few more stops to make tonight."
He frowned and climbed out of the car to meet her, "We do?"
She held her hand out to him and nodded, "We do."
Stepping onto the sidewalk, he slipped his hand into hers and squeezed tight, "You're amazing, did you know that?"
She laughed and pulled him closer, "No. I'm not. But thank you for saying it."
He stopped her just as she reached the door, "Liv…I just-" She shook her head and he put his hand up, "No, please. Let me say this." She sighed and he pouted playfully, "Please?" She squeezed his hand and he took that as a hint that he could continue, "I wanted tonight to be perfect…and I tried. But I was standing there and…" he lifted his free hand and clenched it into a fist, "I started feeling this…this…"
"Panic?" He looked up and his eyes were wide, he nodded, "Elliot, I get it. You know I do." She shrugged, "Yesterday you had to pick me up off the floor because of it." Moving closer to him she pressed her hand to his cheek and whispered, "If we're gonna do this…we're gonna have to handle the good and the bad days. As partners we always had each other's back. I've got yours…just like you've got mine. Okay?"
He frowned and looked down at their joined hands, "But this was supposed to be our first date…it was supposed to be perfect."
Looking back at the Diner she beamed at him, "If you ask me…this is perfect." He just stood there, smiling at her in awe and she smiled, pulling him backwards, "Come on. Like I said…we've got places to be after this."
He let her pull him along and he smiled, "What do you have planned Benson? I thought I was the one who was making the plans?"
She reached for the door and laughed, "You still have a gift to give me later…let me take control until then, okay?"
He smiled and nodded, "Okay."
Waking into the Diner, Linda looked up and pointed at their booth, "The usual?"
Olivia nodded and continued to tug Elliot along, "The usual." Standing in front of the booth, she pointed at his usual side, "Sit."
He reached for ehr coat and pulled it off, hanging it on the hook at the edge of the booth, "Sitting. Sitting." He scooted into his spot and suddenly she slid in beside him, "Oh, we're sharing the booth today?"
"It's a date." She said with a smile, sliding her hand onto his knee, "Right?"
Wrapping his arm around her he pulled her closer and nodded, "Right."
Linda slid one plate in front of them and sighed, "I went with one plate this time…"
Olivia looked up at her and smiled, reaching for a fry, "Smart lady."
Linda pointed at Elliot, "A man with no hair gets a woman that looks that good in a dress? Make sure you know how lucky you are…"
Elliot didn't look at her though, he was still looking right at Olivia, "Oh trust me. I know I'm the luckiest son of a bithc on the planet."
"Good." She said pointing towards the counter, "I'll be up there. Don't bother me."
"We won't." They said together, and Olivia laughed, reaching out for the ketchup, and they both knew, it was the perfect first date.
When they were done, Elliot left a bigger tip than usual and let Olivia lead him back out to the car, "Where are we going?"
She sighed and shrugged, "I'd drive but in these heels…we may die. So I'll give you directions. You'll know soon." He just stood there and she smiled, "You trust me?"
Reaching for her hand again, he lifted it and pressed a kiss to her palm, "More than anyone in the world."
"Good." She leaned against him as they walked back towards his car, "Then remember I believe in you Elliot. Okay?"
He reached for the car door, and leaned in to kiss her cheek, "Then that's all I need."
Climbing in beside him, she took a deep breath and hoped this next part didn't push him past his comfort zone tonight. They drove in mostly silence as they listened to the Christmas music on the radio and watched the city lights. It was snowing lightly and that magic of Christmas was washing over them again.
"Turn left." She said pointing forward, and she saw the smile on his face grow signaling he knew where they were.
He took a deep breath and parked the park, "We taking a trip down memory lane tonight?"
She nodded, "In more ways than you know…" She turned to face him, "But only if you're okay with it…if you tell me no we can turn around and go home."
Elliot looked forward and suddenly saw three familiar faces through the window, "Olivia…"
The emotion coursed through him and she could hear it, "We were all a family El. And yeah…it hurt like hell when you left. But family is family. And it's forever."
Chewing on his bottom lip he looked right at her and whispered, "How do you always know exactly what I need?"
She smiled and stroked the side of his face, "I told you…I know you Elliot Stabler."
"Yeah. You do." He whispered, "You definitely do…" He cocke dhis head to the side, "Come on."
Together they walked towards the bar which was mostly empty. It was a notorious cop bar, but most of the NYPD was somewhere else tonight. Fin saw them first and smiled, "The Prodigal son returns…"
Elliot blushed but felt Olivia right beside him, "Hey…"
John stood up slowly, leaning against the table as he stared at the man in front of him, "It's good to see you, you son of a bitch."
Elliot swallowed hard, looking at him now he was once again struck by how much time had passed and how quickly it had gone, "It's good to see you too John. Damn good."
The two men hugged and Olivia stood back, before crossing the space to hug Cragen. She saw Elliot shake Fin's hand as a sign of thanks and then greeted Cragen. Olivia leaned in to hug John, "How was your Hanukkah?"
John smiled, "Wonderful. I stuffed my face with latkes and brisket and I think I gained ten pounds."
Olivia laughed and smiled as Elliot held the chair out for her, "Thank you." She turned back to Elliot, "Well I'd say you earned it after your many years of service to the city. Good for you."
John smiled and patted his stomach, "I agree." He beamed at her, "You miss me?"
Reaching across, she squeezed his hand and smiled, "Every day."
"I don't." Fin said with a smirk, "Place is a hell of a lot quieter without you."
Olivia looked over at him and rolled her eyes, "You shush." Turning back to John she smiled, "I told you that if you ever want to come out of retirement…you've got a place on my team always."
"Your team." John said with a smile, "Damn right it's your team. Always was…"
Her cheeks blushed and she shook her head, "Don't say that."
"He's right." Elliot said, all eyes turned to him, "You were always the heart of our team Liv. If anyone deserved it after Cragen…it was you."
"Exactly why I chose her." Don said with a smile, "She was the natural choice. The one I trusted most…" He pointed between them, "Between the four of you…she's the one that gave me the least amount of headaches."
Everyone laughed but Fin pointed at his old boss, "How did I cause you more stress than Olivia and Stabler?"
Cragen laughed, "Oh the two of them together almost drove me to drink again on more than one occasion…"
Olivia laughed and leaned in closer to Elliott, "Us? Never!"
Elliot pointed at him, "Don't try and blame us for you losing your hair…it was gone before we became partners."
"No that one I blame on Munch and his conspiracy theories." Cragen said with a laugh.
"Hey! Some of those theories ended up being real!" John pointed at all of them, "And you can't deny it!"
Elliot looked down, feeling like nothing had changed, that no time had passed and he was ten years younger. Still the man he'd once been. The man who hadn't run. He could hear the four of them laughing, joking about this and that. And he felt it, forgiveness. The type he wasn't sure he deserved. He made a sound in the back of his throat, he tried to hold it in but he knew they heard it. And then he felt Olivia's hand on his leg again, "El?"
He lifted his head and slid his hand over hers, "I'm sorry." A silence fell over the table, he saw Fin move to say something and Elliot shook his head, "No…no I need to say it." He looked up again and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry…I should have handled it all differently. But I was scared. And ashamed. And I hurt you." He looked at Olivia and then the three men beside her, "All of you. And that was wrong. After all you put up with…everything we'd been through as a team you deserved more. At least an explanation…"
He felt Olivia squeeze his leg and he knew she was right beside him, and always would be. "We just wanted to know that you were okay." John said with a shrug, "That's all that mattered…"
Elliot frowned and rested against the table, "That day in the squad room…with…with Jenna…" He hadn't uttered her name in a long time and everyone let him take the minute they needed, "It broke something in me. And I ran…there's no other explanation I have. I couldn't face it. I didn't know who I was…I was afraid of myself. And part of me felt like…you all deserved better. I thought walking away would make it better." He looked over at Olivia and he saw tears in her eyes, "But it didn't. And for that…and for so much more. I am sorry." He looked back at his old friends, "I hope that in time…I can prove that I did care. That I still care and that I want to make up for the time lost…as best I can."
Don smiled proudly at him, "You already did the hardest part…" Elliot looked back at him and he smiled, "You showed back up. And you stayed." He leaned closer and asked, "And I hope that means you're staying for good?"
Looking over at Olivia once more, Elliot lifted her hand and pressed it to his lips and whispered, "I couldn't leave again if I tried…"
Olivia and Elliot's eyes were locked, and for a moment the others melted away and it was just the two of them. But after a moment, the spell was broken when they heard someone sigh and something being slid across the table. They both turned to see Fin counting money, he looked up and smiled, "I bet the first public display of affection in front of us would be a kiss on your hand. John said cheek." He lifted his hand with the cash, "Phoebe will appreciate the extra gift."
And then, Elliot started laughing. Really laughing, and it felt like it was the first time in a long time that he'd laughed that harder. It was contagious. And the laughter shook the table as all five of them joined in. And once again, it felt like nothing had changed.
Near closing time, they finally pulled away from their table. They hadn't even had much to drink, but they'd been so wrapped up in stories, in memories, and laughs that time had flown by. As they walked out to the sidewalk, promises were made to get together soon after the Holiday. Hugs were shared. Words were spoken and Olivia knew that Elliot felt at home once more.
Right where he belonged.
Once it was just the two of them again, Olivia turned to Elliot and smiled, "You okay?"
Tugging on his coat he nodded, "More than. That was exactly what I needed…thank you."
She slipped her arm into his and whispered, "One more stop. Unless…you're Mom's waiting up."
Elliot laughed and walked towards the car with her, "Oh she's waiting up…but she can wait a little while longer."
Olivia smiled and nodded, "I was hoping you'd say that…"
And once again he followed her, knowing he'd follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him too. And when she once again steered him in a familiar direction, his heart ached with love for her. Once again, they were so in sync. She climbed out of the car, reached for a blanket he had in the back and walked to the hood of the car. Cracking the window open, he kept the music playing and joined her, not before grabbing her present from the back seat. "This reminds me of that Christmas gala after you came back from Oregon…"
Olivia smiled and adjusted the blanket on her shoulders, "Exactly why I brought you here. We were wasted…" She said with a laugh, "The taxi driver hated us and tossed us out not even wanting us to pay…and we sat here until we sobered up."
"If I remember correctly…" He said pointing at her, "And forgive me because some of the memories are a bit hazy…but we didn't sit here. We-"
"Sang and danced." She said with a laugh, "Neither of which we did very well…"
"No. We didn't." He said with a laugh, and then he smiled as the song changed, oh yes, the magic of Christmas was on his side tonight.
She squealed when she heard the song, "In fact it was this song! On repeat!"
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Slowly, he reached behind him and held out the flat box, "Perfect timing…" She gave him a curious look but he just smiled, "This damn song haunted me while I was away…every Christmas I'd hear it and I'd remember that night. And how badly I wanted to kiss you…"
Her breath caught in her throat, "You did?"
Reaching out he brushed her hair back and whispered, "Only one of the millions of nights I wanted too…but chickened out."
She bit her lip and looked down at her gift in her hand, "Elliot…"
"Open it." He whispered, nudging her gently, "Please open it."
Slowly she teared at the wrapping paper and tried to keep her hands from shaking. Inside was a framed picture of lyrics. Lyrics from this very song… And she smiled when she read them…"I've got a feeling, this year's for me and you. So happy Christmas…I love you baby. I can see a better time…when all our dreams come true…"
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
Elliot smiled, and whispered to her as he climbed off the hood of his car, "It's time Liv…it's time. This is our year."
She saw him hold his hand out for her, "Is that so?"
He nodded and helped her down, she placed the frame down on the hood of the car, "I didn't get a chance to dance with you tonight before I uh…well you know." He smiled and looked her up and down, "But you look damn good. Dance with me?"
She smiled as the music started to speed up, "Absolutely."
She started to sing to him as he spun her around by the frozen river and he smiled, feeling a warmth pass through him. They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
He dipped her low and picked up the next part before she joined in with him once more. You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing Galway Bay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
Her dress swirled around her and he'd never seen anything so beautiful. Her hair tilted back as she laughed along to the music, singing loudly to him and he saw her, the woman he'd met over two decades ago. The woman who was reckless, and fearless, full of life and love and she was somehow all his.
You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You're cheap and I've had it!
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
The music slowed down and he pulled her closer, and felt her breathing catch in her throat, "This song is ridiculous…" He said with a laugh.
"It is." She agreed as he spun her again, "But I love it!"
He dipped her again and she laughed harder, "Well I love you…"
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
They danced and danced as the snow fell harder and he felt it, that moment brewing. The one he'd been waiting for for so long. She pulled away, spinning in the snow, the curly strands of her hair framing her face. She stopped short and reached out for him, still laughing, "I'm dizzy…"
He quickly pulled her to him, "I've got you."
Resting her hands on his chest, she stared up at him in the dark New York night. A snowflake fell and landed on his cheek, she ran her finger along it, "Yeah. You do."
Slowly, he lifted his hand and tugged at the elastic in her hair, desperate to run his fingers through her hair, "Olivia…"
She smiled, because she felt it too. Pressing her chest against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "So, are you gonna kiss me or what?"
Letting out a happy sigh, he let his fingers trail through her long, silky locks and he nodded, "Yeah Liv. I'm gonna kiss you…"
Her fingers dug into the back of his neck and her eyes were bright, "Finally…"
He laughed softly and leaned in, all the way in, his lips just inches from hers before he whispered, "Yeah…finally."
And then he kissed her. Elliot Stabler finally kissed Olivia Benson and just as they imagined, it was well worth the wait. Her arms draped over his shoulders, her body melting into him, the way she always knew it would. His hands settled on her hips, and then wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her as close as possible. He moaned into her mouth, feeling like he could finally breathe again. Like all the things he'd been waiting for, all the things he'd been afraid of didn't matter anymore, only she mattered. Only this moment and he wanted to live in it forever.
But when she pulled back, she laughed and kissed him quickly again, "Let's not wait another twenty three years to do that again…okay?"
He laughed deep in his throat and shook his head, "Absolutely not." Swaying on the spot he sighed, "So…good first date?"
She smiled and massaged the back of his neck, "Great first date. Best I ever had."
He leaned in and kissed her again, "Hopefully the last one you'll ever have too…"
Her cheeks flushed at the thought and she smiled, "Is that so?"
His hands ran up and down her back and sighed, "Hey my friend Olivia…I'd like you and your son Noah to come on over to my place this weekend for a family Christmas get together…"
Licking her lips she leaned back, "El…it's the kids first Christmas without Kathy and-"
"And we want you there." He whispered, "In fact…it's still part of the ten days I promised. And so is tomorrow…Noah told me about one of your traditions. Dinner at your favorite restaurant on Christmas Eve…I was hoping we could tag along?"
She swallowed hard, "All of you?"
He nodded, "Yeah…unless you don't want us there-"
"No." She reached for him and pulled him closer, "No. Of course I do. And I know Noah would too…I was just surprised. I wasn't sure…I mean Noah keeps asking but-"
"Liv…if we're doing this." He said with a smile, "Which I hope we are."
She smiled nervously and nodded, "We are."
He leaned forward and kissed her softly, "Then I don't want to wait anymore…and they know that. It's okay."
She sighed and tilted her head to the side, "Okay…dinner tomorrow night I can do."
"And then I'm hoping we can share a tradition of ours with you after?" He asked nervously.
She nodded slowly and brushed a snowflake away from her eyelashes, "Okay."
"And then on Christmas day…" He whispered, "Saturday…I really do want you to come over. We all do."
She hesitated for a moment before asking, "I just uh…I need to think about it. Can I think about it? And let you know?"
His hands moved to either side of her face and he smiled, that kind of smile that always left her breathless, "Just come…"
She groaned knowing she couldn't say no to him, not now, "Damn you Stabler…"
He laughed and leaned in, kissing her knowing he had won, "Knew I'd wear you down."
She laughed harder as he swayed them back and forth as a new song came through the speaker, "There's no hope for me is there…I'm stuck with you now."
He chuckled and lifted her hand above her head, spinning her, her long hair swirling around her, the dark green dress twirling along with her body, "Oh you're definitely stuck with me baby. I'm not going anywhere…"
She laughed as she fell against him and wrapped her hand around his neck again, pulling him closer for another kiss, "Then I guess I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas this year…"
And so she did.