A/N - getting close to the end. Christmas Eve is here. Will have lots of sweet moments but also some bittersweet and some angst. But always trust that I will bring it back around in the end. Also, you can blame Micayla on twitter ( micayla_zee) because this gift was sparked by a tweet she wrote. So don't just throw the pitchforks at me ya'll! Throw them at both of us! Love you Micayla!
Also - song featured in this one is "Hallelujah" by Carrie Underwood and John Lennon from her Christmas album. Lyrics sprinkled in at the bottom.
Read on and trust me!
I OWN NOTHING.
Only one more after this…Christmas Day!
Friday December 24th, 2021
Olivia rolled over in bed, waking up with a smile on her face. She couldn't remember the last time she'd woken up smiling. Rolling over in bed, she glanced at the clock. It was a little past eight. She was only supposed to go into work for a few hours today but whenever she wanted too. Last night she'd gotten home late, later than expected but she wasn't complaining. Though it had taken a few unexpected turns, it had turned out to be the best first date she could have asked for. And exactly what they both had needed.
Sitting up in bed, Olivia stretched her arms over her head and sighed happily. As she got up and walked towards the bathroom, she stopped by her dresser. Looking at herself, she smiled and touched the moon pendant still hanging around her neck. Glancing down at the top of the dresser she saw many of the other gifts that Elliot had showered her with over the last few days. The ornament of course was hanging on the tree, and the teapot was in the kitchen. Her skates were in the closet hoping to be used soon. But on top of the dresser sat the record, the book, snowglobe and the newest edition, the framed lyrics from last night. Smiling, she traced the edge of the frame, remembered the feeling of kissing him for the first time in the snow and once again was swept up in that Christmas magic.
After a quick shower, she walked back into her room and started to get ready for the day. She was humming along to the music playing on her alexa as she walked back to her dresser. Taking out her jewelry box, she started rummaging through it looking for a bracelet to wear today. When she tried to open one of the drawers, it got stuck. Frowning, she bent down trying to see what may be jamming it. Wiggling it a bit, she was able to get the drawer open. She pulled it all the way out and swept her hand into the space, her hand falling on something she couldn't quite place, at least not until she held it in her hands.
Immediately, tears sprung up in her eyes. She hadn't thought of this damn thing in years. But as soon as she looked at the plastic beads, and the braided string she remembered.
P4L
December 24 1999
Their first Christmas.
It was Christmas Eve and she was already bored. Most of the squad room was empty by now. "Night Olivia." Many people called out to her.
She lifted her head from her computer and smiled, "Night. Merry Christmas!"
She didn't mind working, not really. Christmas had never been her favorite day of the year. As a child, there were many years where it was just another day full of disappointment for her. This year her Mother had taken a trip and didn't think to invite her, so once again she was alone. Just the way she figured she'd always be. So when Cragen asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to work, she jumped and no one seemed to protest.
Except for Elliot.
He was dragging his feet and she knew it. But he needed to get home to be with his family. His wife. His children. That was where he belonged. His kids would be counting on him and she didn't want him to miss a moment. Looking up at him, she tossed a crumpled up piece of paper at him, "Yo Stabler, don't you have somewhere you need to be?"
Lifting his head, he smiled that damn smile that made her feel like she'd been run over. She wasn't supposed to be attracted to her partner, but God damn it she was. And if she was honest, she hated it. She was falling into that cliche of partners becoming more than friends. She wanted to prove herself here. Prove that she was tough, that she could take it and that she didn't need her male counterpart to save her.
And at the end of the day, even if she was attracted to him. He was married. Every so often when she'd catch herself flirting, even unintentionally, the light would catch the gold band on his finger and she'd remember. She always remembered. She was Olivia Benson. The girl who would be alone forever. Not the girl who'd get married and have a life that she read about in her favorite stories.
He sighed, leaned back and rested his hands behind his head, his chair tipping back slightly, "I do…"
She pretended to tap the nonexistent watch on her wrist and smiled, "Well you better get going Santa…you don't want to disappoint the kiddies. Your reindeer must be getting restless."
He snorted, "Reindeer. Right. My crapbox of a sudan is waiting…I'd prefer a reindeer and sleigh lately."
She smiled and stood up, walking over to his desk, she sat down at the edge and smiled, "You never know what you'll get for Christmas this year…maybe the NYPD will give us all work cars!"
Elliot laughed harder and dropped his hands down, "If we get new cars I'll know we've entered into a parallel universe."
She smiled and kicked his knee playfully, "Come on Stabler…what's going on? It's Christmas! You love Christmas! Think about how excited the kids will be when you walk through the door!"
She saw his face fall, saw him lean forward and rest his elbows on his knees as his head hung low, "Liv…I feel guilty that you're gonna be stuck here tonight and tomorrow. Alone and-"
"Elliot." She leaned forward and squeezed his shoulder, "We talked about this. I don't mind! You need to be home with your kids, with Kathy. What do I have to go home too? Day old Chinese that was questionable to start and reruns of shows I've seen a thousand times?" He looked even sadder and she shook her head, "Stop feeling guilty. And don't you dare feel bad for me Stabler…I'm right where I should be." She stood up and put her hands out around her, "The Squad room is my happy place. It's my home. I know who I am here. And I like it."
He looked up at her and his heart ached, "Liv…maybe you should ask Cragen if you can go. We'll have plenty of food and-"
"Oh no." She said with a laugh, "I'm not coming to your house for Christmas. I appreciate the gesture…but I don't need that and even if I did, I'm not sure your wife would appreciate it."
They were quiet for a moment, letting her words hang in the air. They'd been partners for almost a full year now and he knew that she knew that Kathy wasn't incredibly fond of her. Sure she was nice enough. Yes she was polite, said hello when she came in, invited her to a few events at the house. But there were also looks, whispered conversations that he was sure she had overheard even though he tried to keep them from her. His kids adored her, but the feeling clearly wasn't mutual with his wife.
Lifting himself up out of his chair he sighed, "Kathy likes you. She just…doesn't know you as well as I do."
She nodded, "Well that's to be expected. We spent a million hours together…it's okay." She shrugged, "Christmas is a time to be with your family…they need you El. I'm good. Right here."
Family. She didn't have a family. She'd told him about her Mother a few months ago, something that broke his heart. It was after a bad case, one that reminded her of Serena and when she tried to pull away, he pushed back and finally she told him. And she'd cried. And then he knew that she felt weak so she'd stood up, wiped at her tears and said those two words they all said when it was the farthest from the truth, "I'm fine."
And he knew that was his clue that he couldn't push. But she didn't have family. Serena wasn't big on Christmas and she didn't know her monster of a Father for good reason. No siblings, no cousins or aunts, uncles, grandparents. She was truly alone and he hated it. Even in less than a year, he'd grown to care for her in ways he didn't expect. Ways that he probably shouldn't. But more than that, he knew she was a good person, one of the best people he'd ever known and he wanted her to be happy.
He frowned and reached for his coat, "I'll be in first thing on the 26th. Earlier if you need me."
She shook her head, "Take your time. I'm sure you'll be tired." She walked back to her desk, "Here before you go, this is for you and Kathy."
He was wrapping his scarf around him and he frowned, "Liv…you shouldn't have done that. You working so I could go home was gift enough…"
She shook her head and pushed the bag towards him once more, "Yeah well."
He took the bag, and raised an eyebrow, "Should I open it now?"
She nodded once, but he could see the blush in her cheeks and sensed her nervousness, "Yes. Because we're probably going to argue about it.
Elliot glared at her, "What did you do Benson?"
She rolled her eyes, "Nothing really but I know you…" She leaned back slightly and shrugged, "I-I just know you."
If he was honest with himself, even in less than a year, she probably knew him better than anyone. Kathy included. He reached for the tissue paper and began to pull it out of the bag, "Yeah…you do."
She watched him as he slowly took the envelope and paper out of the bag. She waited patiently, holding her breath. He read the words out loud and stumbled, "A gift card to La Cucina? That's that new Italian place that Kathy has been begging me to take her too. But everytime I try and call, they are booked for months!" His eyes went wide again, "And on New Years Eve?" He looked up at her in disbelief, "Olivia…how the hell did you-"
She waved her hand at him ,"I know the owner. He's an old friend. I asked for a favor and he said yes."
Elliot's heart jumped in his chest and before he could stop himself he asked, "Friend or boyfriend?"
She laughed nervously and played with the necklace around her neck, "Uh…friend. But…but he's always made it clear that he…" She looked back up at him and saw something in his eyes she couldn't quite place, "Does it really matter?"
He frowned and looked down at the gift card again, "No…I mean of course not but." He looked at her again, "Was part of the deal a date with you?"
She cleared her throat nervously, "He…asked for one yes. And I figured I might as well say yes…he's a nice guy. Always been very sweet to me. I just never saw him that way. But maybe I could."
He dropped his hand down, "Olivia…I-"
She put her hand up and stopped him, "Don't. It's a good thing. For both of us." She said with a smile, "Your wife deserves to be spoiled for a night. You aren't working and you spend enough time with me. Your work wife. So now…go out with your real wife." She pointed to the bottom of the page, "There's one more thing."
He huffed and looked down at the piece of paper, "This gift card also comes with…" His eyes went wide, "Olivia! No!"
She rolled her eyes, "One free night of babysitting by yours truly." She said with a tilt of her head and a wide smile, "I've got the kids. You go and take Kathy out. She deserves it and so do you."
He shifted his weight and frowned, "You have New Years Eve off and you think you're gonna spend it with my kids?" He growled, "What about this restaurant guy? Why isn't he taking you out if he cares so much about you?"
She laughed and shoved him hard, "Because he runs a fabulous new Restaurant and this is its first New Years. He'll be a bit busy." She rolled her eyes, 'And to be honest…I hate going out for New Years. It's always a shit show. Especially in the city. If I were with someone, I'd much rather stay in…much less chaos. And more romantic."
Elliot frowned and looked at his paper, "This is too much Liv…"
"No. It isn't." She said softly, "I love your kids and I'm happy to hang with them. They always make me smile. Plus…this in some ways is a thank you." He gave her a strange look, "I wasn't sure what to expect when Cragen partnered us together. I was worried you were going to hate me and not want to put up with me." Her cheeks flushed and she shrugged, "But you've been amazing El. And I feel really lucky that I got put with you. I've learned more than I could have possibly imagined and despite how strong I may pretend to be…" She looked down and shrugged, "I was terrified to start…and with you." She looked back up and sighed, "I feel safe. And…I can't remember the last time I felt that. So thank you."
Elliot was staring at her, wide eyed, clearly in shock. He took a deep breath, placed the gift down on the desk and reached forward to pull her in for a hug. Their first hug and she gasped, "You've taught me more than you know Liv. I don't have all the answers. Never did. And you've made me a better cop in less than a year…" Pulling away he looked right at her, "I'm the lucky one."
She shrugged and smiled, "I guess we're both lucky." She pointed at him, "Now we're not going to stand here all night and argue. You need to get home. Enjoy every minute and tell everyone I said hi. I'll see you on the 26th and I'll see Kathy and the kids on the 31st."
He sighed, "I feel bad…my gift is pretty crappy compared to this."
She laughed and shook her head, "I don't need anything El. Don't worry."
He frowned and pointed at her, "Close your eyes. I didn't have time to wrap it."
She smiled and nodded, feeling that familiar pounding of her heart whenever he was around. "Okay…"
Her eyes were closed shut and he reached towards his desk once more. He made a funny face just to see if she was peeking but she didn't react. Placing something on the corner of her desk where she wouldn't see it, he then reached his other hand up and tugged something onto her head making her gasp, "Okay. Open."
Her eyes fluttered open and she tried to adjust the short curly hair on her head that was now being squished down by something, "What on Earth?"
He smirked at her, that infamous Stabler smirk and her knees went weak, "I was tired of you stealing my beanie on stakeouts when you were cold so I got you your own."
She frowned, lifted her hand and pulled the black material off her head. She rolled her eyes and glared at him, "Elliot, this is your beanie!"
He lifted his hands in defeat and frowned, "Sorry. I'm not a good gift giver. Just ask Kathy. I fail every year and then just let her pick out what she wants once we go return whatever crap I got her."
She laughed and shook her head, holding the cap to her head, "Well shame on her because any gift from you would be a good gift. Thank you El. I love it. Now I'll forever think of you when my damn head gets cold."
Elliot smiled and nodded, "I'm glad." Lifting his hand, he checked his watch and he sighed, "Alright…I really should get going. You're right."
Even though she had been nagging him about it, suddenly she wished time would slow down and he could stay with her. Christmas had never been very important to her, but right now she didn't want to be alone. But, he had somewhere else to be. She smiled, and reached her hand out to squeeze his arm, "Merry Christmas El. See you on the 26th?"
He fought the urge to hug her again, instead he smiled and nodded, "Yeah. You'll see me on the 26th and every other day after that…" She smiled softly at the thought, "Merry Christmas."
And then he was gone.
She waited until she knew he was fully out of sight, before she turned back to her desk to sit down. She let the guard down, her shoulders slumping slightly. The room was empty, quiet, eerily quiet. Looking up at his abandoned desk, she realized just how important he had become to her in less than a year and it scared her. She wondered how long they would be partners, how long would they both stay? And would their friendship survive? Would it always be like this? Or would something down the line tear them apart?
With a heavy sigh, she moved to reach for a file when she noticed something in the corner of her desk that wasn't there before. Reaching for it, she saw a tag. Flipping it over she saw familiar writing with the words: To my partner, Merry Christmas! -El
Her heart skipped a beat and she laughed, this was so Elliot. He did get her a gift, but he wanted to surprise her. Lifting her hand, she took the tissue paper out of the bag and reached inside. Her hand first fell on an envelope and she pulled it out, she saw the name of her favorite spa on the front and she laughed, "Damn it Elliot…"
Opening the envelope, she saw a note from him that read: You work your ass off everyday Benson. Go relax and take a well earned day off on me. Enjoy!
She sighed and smiled, he was good. Whether he thought he was a good gift giver or not, he was. He was thoughtful and it showed. Assuming that was the last of the gifts, she went to move it but heard a few things rattling around in the bottom of the bag. Frowning, she looked down and saw her favorite candy scattered on the bottom and she smiled. And then…she saw one other thing. Something she couldn't quite place. It was in a little black bag and she pulled it out curiously.
Another note was tacked on to it and she read: The girls were making them for their friends and asked me to help. Figured I'd make one for you too. Merry Christmas Partner!
She pulled at the strings of the bag and tipped it over, something falling into her hand. She gasped and then laughed when she saw the beaded bracelet that he'd crafted with his daughters. All the beads were her favorite color, and as she turned it, tears sprung up in her eyes. Three letters had letters/numbers on it and she knew exactly what they meant.
P4L
Partners for life.
Slipping it on her wrist she sighed and thought, I hope so.
Maybe Christmas wasn't so bad after all…
Smiling, she twirled the bracelet around in her hand. She wasn't even sure if she still had it. But somehow it had survived the cleansing of all things Elliot Stabler. She must have shoved it back in her jewelry box and forgotten all about it. But today, today it appeared for a reason, decades later after he had given it to her. She slipped it over her wrist and smiled.
Maybe Christmas wasn't so bad after all…
Elliot rolled over in his bed, a true smile on his face. The kind of smile that signaled happiness, a feeling of contentment, a feeling of hope that he hadn't had in years. Staring up at the ceiling, he rested his hand on his chest and felt his heart beating hard. When he thought of last night, it skipped a beat and he had to laugh. He felt like a teenager again…
Closing his eyes, he thought back to last night, all that had transpired. He was so sure he had ruined everything. That he'd blown his shot with her. Yet as usual, she'd blown him away and proved that he probably didn't deserve her. She'd held his hand, believed in him, trusted in him and encouraged him to hold his head high and keep going. She proved she was beside him, that she loved him and that she felt no shame standing beside him and never would.
Having her take him to the Diner, to see their friends and to one of his favorite spots with her, it was all better than he could have imagined. And the kids…the one thing he'd been waiting for exceeded all expectations. And he knew, now that he'd kissed her once he would never be able to stop. He laughed and put a hand over his face, thinking about how the night had ended…
After dancing some more in the snow, it got too cold to stay any longer no matter how much they wanted too. But it was also late, and they both knew it was time to go home. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and she needed to be with Noah, he needed to be with his children and besides, he had plans of his own for the day.
When he pulled up in front of her apartment, he didn't want to let go. She could sense it. She looked at him and smiled, "Hey…thanks for a really great first date Elliot Stabler."
Resting his head against the back of his seat he frowned, "I don't want to say goodbye…"
She smiled and reached out to touch his cheek, "It's not goodbye…it's just goodnight."
He sighed happily and nodded, "Right." He looked up at her building and smiled, "Can I walk you up?"
She beamed at him and nodded, "I was hoping you would…"
He pointed at her and smiled, "Stay there."
She couldn't help but laugh as he climbed out of the car and waited, not so patiently on her side of the car. When he opened the door and reached his hand out to her, she had to remind herself to breathe so she didn't faint. He helped pull her out of the car and she stood in front of him, "Who said chivalry is dead?"
He smiled as she stepped up onto the sidewalk, "I'm just making sure you don't break your ankle or knee…I gotta keep you in one piece."
She laughed and nudged him with her elbow, "Nice. Real nice Stabler…"
He slipped his hand into hers easily and they walked quietly towards her building. Nothing more needed to be said. That was one thing about them, the quiet moments were sometimes the most intimate. They understood each other, in ways that others would never understand them. When they got to her door, they both felt it, that pull to want to stay together.
Her keys jingled as she stood in front of her closed door, "Well this is me…"
Elliott nodded and reached out to brush back her hair, it still hung down around her shoulders after he had taken it down from its ponytail. "This is you…"
Lifting her eyes she smiled up at him, "So…we survived date one."
He chuckled and nodded, "It was questionable there for a bit…on my end at least."
"We've survived worse." She said, her nose wrinkling as she poke, "We're good El. Really good."
He bit his lip and sighed, moving closer to her, "Good."
She held her breath for a moment, knowing he was going to kiss her. They'd kissed more times than she could count tonight but she still felt stunned. After so many years of never crossing that line, this was still all so new and exciting and in some ways shocking. But God she never wanted it to end.
His lips were on hers before she could give it a second thought and instantly she melted into him. It took no time for him to have her backed up against the wall beside her door. His hands were tangled in her hair and she clung to his forearms, feeling her knees go weak. When he moaned into her mouth she let out a little whimper, and felt that jolt of need and electricity rush through her body.
He felt it too. He felt it in every inch of his body, no one made him feel the things she did. This kind of passion, this kind of desire. She was everything to him and he knew he could honestly and truly be himself with her and she'd never judge him. Something he'd never felt before. He felt her fingers squeeze his arms again and she pulled back to take a breath. He moved his lips, across her cheek, and lower and lower to her ear, to the pulse point that he felt pounding and he smiled, "Liv…"
She sighed happily and leaned further into the wall, "What are you doing to me Stabler…"
He growled and latched his lips onto her neck, he rocked his hips towards hers and she gasped, "What are you doing to me?"
He heard her whimper again but then freeze slightly, "El…wait…"
He pulled back slightly and looked at her, "Hey…no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Liv-"
She shook her head and reached for him, her fingers wrapping around his neck, "You didn't. You didn't…"
His hands rubbed up and down her arm and he whispered, "Are you sure?"
Smiling up at him she nodded, "I'm sure El. I'm sure. I just needed a breath…" She looked down, "Am I nervous about…about all that? I mean yeah…we talked about it and-"
"And nothing you could show me will scare me." He whispered, "You know that. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me Liv." He saw tears brewing in her eyes, "But I will wait as long as you need me too."
Sighing, she let her hands slid down his chest and she smiled, "I love you. Did you know that?"
Leaning in, he pressed his lips gently to hers, "I learned that recently…yeah. But I'll never tire of hearing it."
Resting her forehead against his she sighed, "After two decades of trying to pretend I don't…I think I want to keep saying it."
He laughed and squeezed her hips, "The feeling is mutual." She smiled at him and he whispered, "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow?"
Her hands slid up his arms and nodded, "I have some last minute things to do but yeah. We'll meet at the restaurant? And then head to wherever you have planned…" She gave him a look, "You don't want to tell me?"
He shook his head, his cheeks flushing slightly, "No. Is that okay?"
She bit her lip and shrugged, "I probably would have said no a few weeks okay…but you haven't steered me wrong yet the last few days. I trust you."
Taking a deep breath he whispered, "I don't think you know how much that means to me to hear you say that…that is the greatest gift of all."
She smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek, "Good night Elliot."
He kissed her lips and said, "Goodnight Liv." She went to pull away but he grabbed her hand, "Wait…you forgot to send me the picture we took by the river."
She reached into her bag and took out her phone, "You're right." She scrolled through her phone and beamed at him, "Hm…this seems like one for the group chat."
He laughed and watched as she typed a message to their kids, and their friends, and he laughed, "For the group chat…"
Immediately after she pressed send, the messages came flooding through and they both laughed. Olivia responded to her friends, "Geez…did they forget there are children in here?"
Elliot laughed and squeezed her hand, "Probably." He looked down and smiled at his Mothers response, "Good looking couple…" He looked over at Olivia and whispered, "Very good looking couple."
She blushed and nudged him, "So…tomorrow."
"Tomorrow." He whispered, leaning in to kiss her once more, "I love you."
Her heart skipped a beat and she replied, "I love you too."
And then she slipped into her apartment, shutting the door behind her. But he stood there, staring at the closed door reliving every moment of their night and wishing he could live it all again. And then he smiled, because he could. In his dreams and with every new day they spent together. They were definitely on the right track…and thank God for that.
Most of the day passed in a blur for both families. Christmas Eve was always busy trying to get everything together. Olivia spent most of the day wrapping in her room, forbidding Noah from coming in, telling him she was doing some last minute work. She knew this may be the end of his believing in Santa and she wanted to keep the magic alive as long as possible.
Hiding away the last of the presents, Olivia heard her phone ring and she quickly reached for it without checking the caller ID. "Captain Benson."
"Hey Cap." Fin said on the other end of the phone, "Just checking in. Didn't hear from you last night after you left and wanted to make sure that you are okay."
She smiled and sat down on the edge of her bed, "Sorry. Got home late…" She heard Fin start laughing and she groaned, "Get your head out of the gutter Fin…we just talked."
"Talked. Code word for made out like teenagers in his car." Fin said with a chuckle.
She smirked and looked around her room, "I plead the fifth…"
"Well it's about damn time." Fin said with a sigh, "So after two decades…what's the consensus? Was their fireworks? Do I need to call the fire department to come save you?"
"Oh my God! I'm so not having this conversation with you Fin!" She said with a laugh, "As your superior I kindly say shut up."
"As your Superior…" He sighed, "What about as your best friend?"
She was quiet for a moment before whispering, "I'm happy Fin. Really happy. Is that a good enough answer?"
"The best answer." He whispered, "The exact answer I wanted. And you being happy makes me happy. Really happy."
She sighed and looked over at the clock, she had about an hour and a half before they were supposed to meet the Stabler's for dinner, "Everything okay at work?"
"I've got it all under control here. No worries at all. So far it's pretty mellow." He said, "Maybe the criminals decided to give us the day off for Christmas this year."
Olivia laughed, "Don't jinx it. If anything really big happens you know you can call me and I'll-"
"And I'll take care of it." He corrected her, "I'm hoping you have other plans." When she didn't respond he sighed, "Tell me you have other plans…"
"Well…you know that Noah and I go to our favorite restaurant. So that's still happening." She said with a smile.
"And…?" Fin said, she could almost see the smirk on his face, "Will there be other people joining you?"
"Maybe…" She whispered, "Just a few…"
"A few." He snorted, "The Stabler clan isn't just a few. I assume everyone is going? Including Maureen's kids and her husband?"
"Yes. They are spending Christmas with Elliot this year. You know…since it's the first…" Her voice trailed off and she sighed.
"Liv…" Damn him for knowing her so well, "Talk to me."
She frowned and pulled the blanket on her bed, "I just…I worry. This is going to be hard…for all of them. And I don't want to overstep my boundaries. I don't want them to be upset having me there. I don't want them to think I'm trying to take her place. I never could."
"You're right." Fin whispered and she held her breath, "It's going to be hard. How could it not be? But you aren't overstepping boundaries. They all care about you and if they didn't want you around, they would have made that clear. Stabler's kids know you. They are old enough to understand in some way…it's gonna be okay. I promise."
She swallowed the lump in her throat, "It's just weird ya know? After so many years of being…worried, unsure…to be so open about-"
"I know." He whispered, "I know. But life is short, Liv. You both need to do what makes you happy. Are the kids hurting a bit? I'm sure. Not because of you though. Because they miss their Mom. That's normal and it's to be expected. I think you can understand that feeling."
Her heart ached, even after all these years and the complicated relationship she had with her own Mother, yeah, she missed her like hell. Even now, "Yeah. I can."
"I know that you haven't always been sure you deserved to be happy. But you do Liv. You more than anyone." He whispered, "And if this is what you want…you need to embrace it."
Looking down at her wrist, she smiled and pulled at the beaded bracelet she'd put on earlier, "It is what I want…what I've always wanted."
"Alright then. Go tonight. Live in this moment. Feel all those things you need to feel but also know that it's gonna be okay." He said, "No one is stronger than you Benson. Remember that.
"Hey Fin?" She sighed happily, "I sound like a broken record…but I am so grateful for you. You've been by my side…through all of this. I may be strong…but I needed you and you were always there. You've never let me down."
"And I never will." He whispered, "I got your back Cap. Always."
"I know you won't…but call me if you need me. Merry Christmas Fin." She whispered.
"You're right I won't. Merry Christmas. Hug the kid for me and say hi to the Stabler's. I'll see you on the 26th."
When she hung up, she heard Noah calling to her from the living room, "Coming honey!"
She checked to make sure the gifts were well hidden once more and then walked out into the living room. She smiled when she saw him sitting by the tree, placing a few gifts of his own out, "Looks great honey." She said with a smile.
Noah looked up at her, "These are for you. But just making room for Santa's gifts later…"
She smiled and ruffled the top of his head, "Plenty of room." Noah looked back at one present in particular and she smiled, "You okay?"
Noah nodded, "I just really hope you like it…"
Leaning closer to him, she tilted his face up and smiled, "You know I'll love anything from you baby. Because you're the one who gave it to me."
Noah smiled and nodded again, "Are we really meeting Elliot and his kids tonight?"
Olivia reached out and squeezed his arm, "We are. You're good with that?"
Noah beamed up at her, "Of course! I'm super excited."
"You sure?" She asked, "This was always our tradition…but you're okay with adding more people in this year?"
"This year and every year hopefully." Noah said with a mischievous smile, she laughed, "I promise Mom. I'm good. No matter who else comes into the picture…we'll still be Team Mom and Noah at the end of the day. Nothing changes that. We'll just be stronger."
Her eyes burned with tears as she looked down at him, "You truly have been my greatest gift Noah Porter Benson…the one gift I always wanted. I don't need anything else ever. You are a blessing."
Noah leaned in and hugged her, "Thanks for picking me to be your son."
She kissed the top of his head and sighed, "Thanks for picking me to be your Mom…"
As they drove to the restaurant, Elliot was in one car with Kathleen, Eli and his Mom. The rest of the family was meeting them there. Everyone could tell that Elliot was nervous. Kathleen smiled at her Dad from the back seat and smiled, "You gotta remember to breathe Dad…otherwise you're gonna pass out. And then we'll never get there."
He sighed and gripped the steering wheel, "I'm fine."
"Like hell you are." Bernie said with a laugh, "You look like you're gonna throw up."
He looked over at her and frowned, "I just…want tonight to go well." He paused and looked at his children in the mirror, "And I know…that there are-"
"We're okay Dad." Eli whispered, "I promise." Elliot continued to look at her as he stopped at a red light, "Do I miss Mom like hell right now?" His voice cracked and he nodded, "Yeah. But we're right where we should be. Sitting at home and crying isn't going to bring her back Dad…and she wouldn't want that."
He nodded and started to move again, "And…you guys are okay with my idea for later?"
"Yes." Kathleen said with a nod, "We want to share that with Noah and Olivia too."
Elliot sighed and pulled up in front of the restaurant, "In case I haven't told you guys this lately…I'm really lucky to have such great kids."
"We know." Kathleen and Eli said before hopping out of the car.
Elliot laughed and looked over at his Mother, "Let me help you out Mama. Hang on."
He rounded the car and opened the door for her, he could see the rest of his kids, Carl and the boys waiting by the entrance. Bernie took his hand and let him pull her up and out of the car, "Thank you." She paused and adjusted his sigh, "In case I haven't told you lately…I'm really lucky to have such a great kid."
Elliot's cheeks blushed and he leaned in to kiss her cheek, "Thanks Mama."
Together, they walked forward to meet their family. Walking into the restaurant, he glanced around, holding his breath as he did. What if they didn't show up? And then he saw them. Sitting in the corner around a large table, laughing and he smiled, "They're here…"
Elliot's kids smiled at each other and Kathleen pushed him forward, "Go on…"
He looked back at her and she nodded once more before he started moving towards them. Noah saw them first and hopped down from his seat. He ran to Elliot and they started their secret handshake as Olivia greeted all the kids. He rounded the table after and walked right to her. She smiled, a nervous little smile that matched his own, "Hey."
She gripped the back of her chair and smiled, "Hey…"
They stood there staring at each other for a moment, and then Elliot awkwardly leaned forward to pull her in for a hug. She was surprised and stumbled slightly. Not that they hadn't done this before, but navigating this in front of his children made her a little nervous. When they pulled away, they were both blushing as they turned to see the kids and Bernie all laughing at them.
"Geez…" Kathleen whispered, "If my boyfriend greeted me like that…I'd be pissed."
Elliot's mouth hung open, "Katlheen! Noah doesn't need to think we're neanderthals. Watch your language."
"I'm just saying." She said with hands in the air as she sat down in her seat, "At least kiss her cheek."
"Yeah Elliot…at least kiss her cheek." Noah said with a teasing smile.
Elliot shot them both a look but heard Olivia laughing before he turned back to her and smiled, "Hi Olivia."
She bit her lip and smiled, "Hello Elliot…"
Leaning in, he kissed her cheek softly and she squeezed his hand before he pulled her chair back out and helped her sit down. Everyone settled into their seats, had some pleasant conversation and then the waiter walked over to them, "Captain Benson! Noah!" He looked down at the young boy, "I was happy to see your name on the list for tonight." He looked around the table and smiled, "Looks like your party grew a bit this year…"
"Just a bit." Noah said with a huge smile, "Which means the order is gonna get bigger…" He laid his hands out on the table and smiled at everyone, "Hope you all like what we like because tradition is tradition…"
Olivia looked at her son, "Honey…we can let them order what they want."
"No. No." Elliot said, shaking his head, "We want the Benson traditions through and through. Bring whatever they get, add enough for everyone."
"You got it." He said with a smile and then turned to walk away, he turned at the last minute and smiled at Olivia, "You look happy."
Elliot slid his hand onto her leg under the table and squeezed, she smiled and whispered, "I am happy." When he walked away, she smiled at everyone who was watching her, "I'm very happy…"
Bernie reached for her water glass and held it up high, "Well then here's to happiness in 2022."
Everyone lifted their glasses and cheered, "To happiness."
The sound of clinking glasses filled the space, and Elliot scooted his chair closer to Olivia. Wrapping his arm around the back of her chair, he pulled her close and kissed her temple, "To happiness…" He whispered in her ear, "It's about damn time…"
Her hand settled on his leg and squeezed his thigh, "Yes it is."
The meal passed with laughter, a lot of laughter. Stories being told, old and new. Olivia sharing with Eli stories of his mischievous siblings as young children that he'd never heard before. Reminding them all that she had been a part of this family a lot longer than they sometimes realized.
"So you're saying…" Eli said wiping tears away from his eyes as he laughed, "That Dickie puked in your car after eating too many corn dogs and then again all over your shoes and you didn't hit him?"
Olivia laughed and shook her head, "Of course I didn't hit him!" She said with a laugh, "It was my own fault for letting him eat that much."
Dickie put his hand on his stomach, "You'd think I'd learn my lesson. Right about now I feel like I could hurl too…" He pointed around the table, "But this was delicious."
"We have good taste." Noah said with a smirk, "I know."
Olivia leaned over and pinched his side, "Humility my son…learn it."
Noah laughed and then his eyes lit up, "But we haven't even had desert yet!"
Olivia followed his gaze and saw the waiter bringing them the desert tray, "Ah yes…"
Lizzie followed Noah's gaze, "Whoa! That's a lot of deserts!"
Noah smiled, "We each pick whatever we want and then share. It's my favorite part of the tradition. So everyone pick their own."
The man walked around with the cart and everyone picked their dessert selection. Noah got up and moved closer to his Mom, "Okay…now before you take a bite or share with someone you have to make a wish. Right Mom?"
Olivia nodded, "Right. That's important."
"And it has to be a really good wish." He said pointing at everyone, "Not like a, 'I hope I get an xbox for Christmas'. Like something you really, really want for your future."
"Okay." Elliot said with a nod, unable to take his eyes off of Noah. "Anything else?"
Noah looked at his Mom and she smiled, he shook his head though, "No. That's it."
"Alright then." He looked at his children, grandchildren, Mother and son in law and smiled, "Everyone ready?"
"Ready." They all said together as they reached for their forks.
It was quiet for a few minutes as everyone said their wishes quietly in their heads. Then they each took a bite and whispers and comments of how delicious everything was passed through the room. Noah settled against his Mom's side and whispered, "Oh…there is one more thing…"
Elliot frowned and looked at him, "You said there wasn't."
Noah shrugged and dipped his finger in the frosting of his cake and then brushed it onto his Mother's nose, "I lied."
Everyone gasped and Olivia laughed, "Come on now Noah…we don't want them to think we're neanderthals…" She teased and lifted her hand and dipped it in the frosting of her desert before placing it on Elliot's nose.
Everyone started laughing and Elliot looked right at her, "Really Benson?"
She shrugged and licked her finger, "Tradition is Tradition Stabler…"
He reached beside him, repeated the actions of Olivia and touched his Mother's nose and soon it went around the table, everyone laughing and shouting as it did. And when it finally made its way back to Noah, he smiled and whispered, "See? My wish has already come true. Now we're a family."
Everyone held their breath for a moment and Olivia pulled Noah against him, "Noah…"
He blushed and sat down on her lap, realizing he had said that out loud, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"Noah." Kathleen whispered, cutting him off quickly, "I think that was the wish of many of us around the table…and you're right. Now we are a family."
Elliot cleared his throat, feeling a rush of emotion coursing through his body, he placed his napkin down on the table after cleaning his nose. He turned to the waiter who was walking by, "Excuse me, do you mind taking a picture of all of us?"
The man smiled and reached for Elliot's phone, "I'd love to."
Elliot turned to look at Olivia who smiled, "For the group chat?" She asked softly.
Elliot nodded and wrapped his arm around her as the rest of the family walked up behind her. One of his grandsons perched on his knee and he beamed up at the camera, "For the group chat."
Once they were done, they started to file outside to the cars. Kathleen walked up to her Dad and smiled, "Want me to drive your car? You can go with Olivia and Noah?"
Elliot looked down at her, "You mind?"
Kathleen shook her head, "No. Not at all."
Eli walked over to them, "Mind if I tag along?
Elliot's heart jumped in his chest, yeah, he had really incredible kids, "Absolutely." He leaned forward and kissed Kathleen's cheek, "Meet you there." He paused and then whispered, "You're sure this is still okay with you all?"
"We're sure Dad. We want to share this with them, just like they shared this with us. It's okay." She squeezed his hand and smiled, "Meet you there.'
He watched her walk away and looked down at his son, "Still good with you too?"
Eli nodded slowly, "We're all going to be spending a lot of time together. I like the kid…he's funny. Keeps me on my toes."
"You keep me on my toes too." Elliot said, nudging him, "But I'm proud of you…I know things haven't been easy. But…I'm really proud of you."
Eli looked down and whispered, "Thanks Dad…I'm trying."
"Me too." He dropped a kiss to the top of his head and pulled him towards his car, "So we'll keep trying together. Alright?"
"Alright." Eli replied as they walked towards Olivai's car.
"So…where are we going?" Olivia asked, as Noah rested against her, "Do I get directions?"
Elliot smiled and shook his head, "You get a chauffeur and tour guide…" He said pointing at Eli.
Olivia beamed up at him, "Is that so?"
Eli reached for Noah and smiled, "Come on kid. You'll sit in the back with me so you're spared from watching them make kissy faces at each other."
Noah pretended to gag and followed him towards the back of the car. Olivia laughed and looked at Elliot, "What are we getting ourselves into?"
Elliot smiled and reached for the door to open for her, "Happiness…remember?"
Her heart skipped a beat again and she whispered, "Where are we going El?"
He lifted her hand and pressed it against his lips and then his chest, "I just…I need you to trust me. This is something important to me and the kids and we want to share it with you…is that okay?"
And somehow, somehow she knew. And though it scared her slightly, she knew she couldn't say no and she didn't want to say no. Squeezing his hand, she nodded and whispered, "It's okay."
He leaned in and kissed her properly, "I love you."
"I love you too." She whispered before climbing into the car,
As she moved something caught his eye, the beaded bracelet and he smiled, "Nice bracelet…"
She smiled and said, "I found it today…I thought it was time to wear it again."
His fingers reached out and traced the three beads in the middle and said, "Partners for life…"
She squeezed his arm and said, "Come on. I don't want your kids to be waiting."
As he closed the door he thought about those three symbols on the bracelet and knew, that he had to give it to her tonight. It was a sign.
Walking into the large cathedral church, she felt her heart beating fast. Noah held her hand firmly in his. She'd never been big on religion, but she'd Baptized Noah and she'd be lying if she said it wasn't because of her old partners influence. She wanted Noah to have something to believe in, to be able to lean on when times were tough. Something she hadn't had.
"Wow." Noah said as they walked in, the large church was littered with candles and flowers and everywhere he turned, something else caught his eye, "It's so beautiful."
Olivia felt a million emotions running through her and she squeezed his hand, knowing Elliot was right behind her, "It certainly is…"
"Come on Noah. I want to show you the manger." Lizzie said with a smile, "It's my favorite part." She looked back at Olivia, "Is that okay?"
"Yes. Of course." She whispered trying to hold in her emotions. "Absolutely."
She watched as she took Noah's hand and Dickie took their nephews hands and ushered them towards the front of the church. Bernie and the rest of the kids and Carl moved along the rows to find their seats leaving Olivia and Elliot alone at the back of the church. She felt frozen for a moment, slightly out of place and unsure if she should even be here. She knew he sensed it, because he placed his hand on her back and whispered, "I know uh…this is probably a lot for you. And maybe I should have run it by you…but I wanted to share this with you." He looked back at his children, grandchildren and Noah, "And Noah…it's important to our family."
She'd always known it was and he never pushed, though he encouraged her to come to church during their partnership. Though she never did. Looking back at him she smiled, "It really is beautiful."
He looked back at the cathedral and sighed, "My faith…has always been important to me. You know that. But I'll admit I've been struggling…a lot. I've done things…said things. Not just in the last few months…but the last decade that I'm not sure even God can forgive me for."
She knew what he was talking about. He'd confided in her some of what had happened while he was undercover, and she knew how hard that was. Reaching for his hand, she squeezed, "You're a good man Elliot Stabler. I know that…your kids know that. And God knows that too…"
He reached for her hand, and sighed, "I know this may seem…" He shrugged and shook his head, "But I want you here. We all do. This is our tradition…and hopefully you can be a part of it too."
Her eyes scanned through the church again and music began to play as more people began to file in. She trusted him, and she meant that. Together, they walked towards the rest of their family just as Noah ran up to the aisle. She smiled and slid in beside him, Elliot on the other side of her, Eli beside him and the rest of the family down the rest of the row. Noah leaned against her, his feet dangling back and forth as he watched everything happening around him.
Olivia saw all the Stabler's begin to kneel and she reached for Noah. Elliot looked back at her and smiled, "You don't have to-"
She shook her head, "He's uh…he was baptized." Elliot looked surprised, "I wanted him to have something to believe in…"
Elliot slid his hand into hers and held back his tears as he watched Noah take his place beside her and kneel down with her. Music filled the church from the two singers in the back and he felt overwhelmed with so many different emotions, and he knew she did too.
Ooh, in the winter's chill
Let the candles light the night up from the windowsills
Ooh, as I draw you near
And we whisper all the sweet sounds only we can hear
On the coldest evening in this December
I hold you in the heat of the glowing embers
Let the world stand still, the church bells ring
Silent night as the angels sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Let the magic warm the moonlit air
Hear the choirs join in singing everywherе
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
They took their seats again, and Elliot kept his hand on her knee, her fingers wrapped over his. The service was beautiful, something she'd never experienced before. And more than once she caught herself crying and Elliot would rub her fingers gently, letting her know he was right beside her.
As the service began to come to a close, Olivia looked over at the Stabler children and she saw it. The sadness that she knew would come. The one that broke her heart. And if she could give them anything for Christmas, it would be taking the pain away. If she could, she'd trade places with Kathy just to give them even one more Christmas with their Mother. They were all holding each other close, Dickie had his arms around his twin sister comforting her. Carl had his arm wrapped around Maureen and she in turn was holding onto her sister Kathleen as they cried, remembering Christmas in the past with their Mother here with them.
Elliot wiped at his own eyes and wrapped his arms around his youngest son, "It's okay…" He whispered to him, "I've got you."
As the service came to a close, Bernie looked back at Olivia and understood. She smiled and reached for Noah, "Noah. Come see the other displays with me and the boys. You'll love them."
Noah looked back a this Mom, "Can I?"
She nodded, "Of course. Be good." She wiped at her own eyes and watched him hop down and follow Bernie and Carl along the way.
Looking back at Elliot and his children, her heart ached for all the pain they were feeling as they embraced and cried.
Ooh, let thеre be peace on earth
Let the lonely join together, let them know their worth
Ooh, let the children know
There's a brighter day ahead (let's hold on to hope)
And on the coldest evening in this December
Let us pray the spirit of love will linger
Oh, let the world stand still, the church bells ring
Silent night as the angels sing
Hallelujah (Hallelujah), Hallelujah
Elliot was having a moment with his girls and Olivia felt her heart racing even faster. She needed some air. Leaning over to Dickie and Eli she smiled, "I'll uh…I'll be just outside."
Eli gave her an anxious look, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Of course." She smiled and pointed towards the door, "I think I ate too much at dinner…just need some fresh air."
Dickie knew better but he nodded, "Noah's good here…"
Reaching out, she squeezed his arm, "She's here you know…"
Dickie swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, "Yeah. I know…" He smiled softly, "But so are you. And for that…I'm grateful."
Before she burst into tears, she pulled away and quickly walked down the aisle and towards the back door. As soon as she got outside, she was hit with a wave of cold air and she welcomed it. Taking it in gulps, she tried to calm her racing heart. Guilt washed over her in waves. No matter how far they'd come, no matter what Elliot said, she would probably always feel guilt. Especially today. Kathy was his wife. The Mother of his five children. And on their first Christmas without her…was it really her place to stand beside their Father in church of all places? Somewhere so sacred to all of them? Somewhere she never really came to before?
Snow was falling lightly as she looked up and tried to remind herself to breathe. But the more she tried, the more she felt like she was failing.
Let the magic warm the moonlit air
Hear the choirs join in singing everywhere
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Glory, glory, glory I'm so glad to have you here
And may this Christmas moment last for years
Let the world stand still, the church bells ring
Silent night as the angels sing
Hallelujah (Hallelujah), Hallelujah
A few moments later, Elliot was walking up behind her with her coat, "Hey…you must be freezing. What are you doing out here?"
She cringed and turned towards him as he wrapped it around her shoulders, "I just uh…needed some air."
He frowned softly, "Incense? Gets me everytime…sometimes they go overboard. Especially on Christmas…"
"Uh…yeah." She whispered, slipping her arms into the coat, "But I'm fine. I promise."
Looking at her, he knew she was lying but he also knew that this was always going to be difficult. For all of them. Clearing his throat he looked at her and sighed, "It's just…emotional. They miss her."
"As they should." She whispered, "She was their Mother…their everything." She looked towards her car, "Look El, I think that maybe tomorrow-"
"Wait." He held up his hand and stopped her, "Wait, don't, don't go there yet. Okay? I have something for you…one of your gifts."
She sucked in her lower lip and frowned, "El…I'm just not sure-"
"Please?" He whispered softly, "This…this one is important. Really important. Maybe the most important."
Her heart dropped to her stomach and she whispered, "I-" He reached into his pocket and held out a black box for her and she gasped, "Elliot…wha-what-"
He shook his head, "It's not what you think. Well…not really." She glanced back up at him, clearly confused and he shrugged, "Just open it…please?"
Her hands shook and she felt the enormity of this moment hanging over them, "Elliot…"
"It's actually something…something I did send." He whispered and her eyes went wide, and suddenly she seemed to know, "Or it was…before I changed it."
Reaching out for the box, "You mean…"
"The mini badge…" He covered her hand with his and felt the lump grow in his throat, "It was the one gift that I bought and did send. And I know…I know it's tied to something so awful. And I'll understand if this is too much…but I hope that you'll hear me out first." She stared at him, clearly afraid, "Please just open it…"
She took a few steadying breaths and then she carefully popped open the top of the box. She wasn't sure what she expected, but what she saw definitely wasn't it. Inside were two gold bands. "Elliot…"
"I went and found the badge…I took it out of evidence with permission." He frowned and reached into the box, "I had them melted down into two rings. One for you…one for me."
She felt her heart beating so fast she thought she might faint, "Elliot…what-"
"They can mean whatever you want them to mean." He whispered, "I mean I gave it to you because I wanted you to know that I was still with you…even though I was far away. I was still thinking of you."
She remembered how she felt opening it at her desk, all alone. And just like then, she felt overwhelmed, "El…I just-"
"I should have been there. And I wasn't. And knowing you had it with you when…" He swallowed the lump in his throat, 'Again…if it's too much I understand. But I just…I wanted it to be a symbol of something new. To show you that I wasn't there before but I'm here now. And I will always be here. No matter what." She looked up at him wide eyed and he frowned, "They can be…promise rings. Or-or wedding rings." She grimaced and stepped back and he reached for her, "Or just friendship rings if you prefer but I just-"
She pressed a hand into her belly, "El…marriage…you were married before and-"
"I was. You're right. And nothing can erase the time I spent with Kathy. Nothing. But I am here now and I am fully committed to this. To you he spoke quickly." I need you to know that and believe me when I say it, "These rings…"
"Are beautiful." She whispered, her hand cover her heart now, "They are so beautiful…and more than I ever could have imagined but El…here? Now? You want to do this now?"
"I'm not saying we should go inside and ask my Priest to marry us…" He said with a nervous laugh, "I'm just saying that…that's where I want to go with this. That's my intention. On us being a full family…you me, my kids and Noah. All of it. But if you tell me you just want to be partners…I can be okay with that too. I just want to be with you Liv. In whatever way you are comfortable with."
She didn't move and he reached for the rings, "Look…look inside. Please?"
She looked at him and he handed her what would be her ring, it was smaller, thinner and her breath caught in her throat when the light caught the engraving inside. The more she spun it, the more she saw and she had never felt so many emotions all at once.
4015
6313
P4L
She whimpered softly, "Elliot…"
He stepped all the way up to her and whispered, "You are my partner for life…you always have been. My soulmate." He tilted her face up to his, "For better or worse Olivia…I wasn't there before but I'm here now and I will never ever leave you again. Please don't push me away…"
He wiped her tears away with his thumbs and she leaned into him, "This is all just…"
"I know." He whispered back, "Trust me I know. And yes…yes today and tomorrow will be hard for the kids. But they also give their blessing…and they want me to be happy." Leaning forward, he pressed a firm kiss to her forehead, "And you make me happy Liv. I feel like I can finally breathe again." He felt her shaking beside him, "I mean it…whatever you want it to mean is okay with me. I'm not going anywhere Liv…no matter what."
"Dad?" They pulled away quickly and saw Eli, Bernie and Noah walking towards them.
Both of them turned slightly, wiping at their tears not wanting anyone to see, but they knew it was probably a lost cause. Elliot turned to his youngest son and nodded, 'Uh…yeah?"
Eli frowned, "I uh…I think Lizzie and Dickie need you. They're…having a moment."
Elliot looked back at Olivia, "El, go. They need you."
He looked down at the box in her hand as she placed her ring beside his, "But…"
"Elliot, go." She said more sternly, "I'm good." She cleared her throat and nodded, "We're good." He still didn't move, "We'll…we'll talk later okay?" She held the box to her hand, "They're beautiful…absolutely beautiful. Thank you."
He chewed on his lip and looked at Noah who looked concerned, "You're still coming over tomorrow, right? We start brunch at 11. I know you guys will be opening gifts and-"
"Yeah. Yeah." She said not so convincingly, "Now go."
He looked at his Mother who gave him a sad sympathetic look, "Elliot…they need you."
He took a deep breath, pulled at his coat and reached out to squeeze Noah's shoulder, "Thanks for letting us join today little man." He winked, "I'm sure Santa will be really good to you tonight."
Naoh leaned against his Mom, "Merry Christmas Elliot."
"Merry Christmas." He said before turning to walk into the church, not trusting himself to not get upset if he looked back at Olivia again. When it was just the four of them, Olivia looked down at her son, "Honey, we should get betting home."
Noah looked up at her, an anxious look on his face, "Do we have to?"
She nodded and sniffled slightly, "Yeah. It's getting late…and you've had a busy day. You'll be up early…" He gave her a look and she smiled, "Besides, if you don't go to bed…Santa can't come!"
Noah nodded slowly and looked over at Eli, "Bye Eli."
Eli hugged Noah and smiled, "I'll walk you both to your car." He looked at his Grandma, "You okay?"
Bernie nodded, "I'm gonna go check on everyone inside…" Eli nodded, she turned to Olivia, "It was wonderful to be with you tonight Olivia. Both of you. I hope you know that."
"It was wonderful for you all to let us join in on your traditions." She said softly, "Merry Christmas Bernie…"
Noah said a quick goodbye, hugging her tight, "Merry Christmas Grandma B."
"Merry Christmas sweet boy." She whispered, squeezing him tight.
Walking back to the car, Olivia made sure Noah was in his seat and then walked to her side of the car, "Thanks Eli. We're good…"
Eli pressed his hand into the door before she tried to open it, "What are you doing?"
She frowned and looked up at him, "I'm-I'm taking Noah home. It's late…"
Eli shook his head, "That's not what I meant…why are you running?"
Her mouth hung open and she shook her head, "I'm not running Eli. But it's Christmas Eve and I just think that you and your family-"
"You're part of that family." He said with a shrug, "May have taken me awhile to figure it out but-"
"Eli." She said quickly, unable to stand here any longer, "I need to go."
He stepped back, knowing he'd lost this fight. At least for now. "Goodnight Olivia."
"Goodnight Eli." She squeezed his arm and whispered, "Merry Christmas."
She climbed into the car and waited as Eli stepped back to let her drive off. He waited, until they were out of sight. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't hurting tonight. He missed his Mom more than ever. Christmas was one of her favorite times of year and trying to navigate all of this without her was hard. Very hard. Harder than he could have imagined.
But as he watched Olivia drive away, he heard quick footsteps behind him. He didn't have to turn around to know who it was, "They left?"
Eli turned to look at his Father, and he saw the sadness and worry cross his face, "Yeah…she said they needed to get home."
Elliot sighed and rested his hands on the back of his head, "Damn it…I think I really screwed this one up."
Eli smiled sympathetically at his Father, the last thing he wanted was for him to be hurting even more, "I'm sure she just needs a minute…everything will be fine Dad. You two have come so far in the last few days. Don't give up yet…"
Elliot sighed and heard the rest of his kids coming up behind them, "Yeah…maybe you're right." He brushed something out of the corner of his eye, and Eli knew it was a tear before he turned to his kids, "We should…we should go."
Maureen looked at her Father, "You okay?"
Elliot took a deep breath and wrapped his arm around his oldest daughter, and he did the one thing he knew how to do best. He lied about how he was really feeling. "Of course. Let's get home…" He looked down at his grandsons and picked the youngest up, "We should go so Santa can come!"
Elliot walked away with his Grandsons leaving his children, Mother and son-in-law standing behind them. "What do we do now?" Lizzie asked.
No one seemed to know what to say. But it didn't matter. Because Eli already had a plan of his own…and he'd be putting it into motion first thing in the morning. There was bound to be a little bit of Christmas magic left…he'd make sure of it. All he wanted for Christmas this year was his Father to be happy. And Olivia made him happy…so he had one final Christmas gift up his sleeve for his Dad and he'd be damned if he couldn't deliver it in time…
Let the magic warm the moonlit air
Hear the choirs join in singing everywhere
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah