October 17, 2021

She was down. Finally. No one had mentioned anything to her about her father, of course; but little Pru Miller had thrown a fit before settling onto the bed with Miranda next to her, patting her back and singing in her ear. Ben was behind her watching and running up and down his wife's arm. "Maybe she knows," she told him quietly.

"How would she know?" He asked, the bass in his voice practically shaking the bed.

"Ben… I don't know. Maybe she feels that something wrong."

The two of them wiped their faces at the same time. For Ben, it felt like the millionth time. His eyes were damn near raw. And that's exactly how he felt. Raw. Open, red and wounded. The last three years had almost brought him and his wife to their knees. Pru stirred, whimpering and it was only with a soft touch to her head that the toddler went back to sleep. For a second, Ben wished he and the girl could swap places for a few hours, he'd love a few moments of ignorance of the world around him. "Herrera did say that she went to sleep easily and was easy to wake so… I suppose," he responded.

His mother-in-law's death almost two years ago had stung him a way that neither of his own parents' death had. It wasn't that he loved Elena Bailey more, though she often called him the "son I never had," but seeing Miranda battling the loss had him scrambling and trying to do whatever he could to help her. "That would explain her restlessness."

Though the event that had seemed to snowball it all, in his mind, was the miscarriage. Ben had never experienced something so fucking heartbreaking and unfair. To literally be missing a part of yourself. One you'd never met and would never meet. There were so many sleepless nights after that had forced him to harden. And there was hardly a building he entered that didn't house his tears or disappointment. From that one incident, it just seemed to be one thing after another…

"And this is only the beginning," Ben said. "It's gonna… it's gonna get so much worse before it gets better." The latest tragedy, the death of Dean Miller, felt like an amalgamation of both of those in the best worst way. He'd known great men before, but Miller was special. They were brothers and there wasn't anything one wouldn't do for the other. Which is why Dean's only child was lying in their bed. Overnight, they'd gained the amazing gift of two-year-old Pruitt. Her bright eyes and beautiful smile made Ben's heart flutter. He was putty in the girl's hands already and it hadn't even been a full day.

"We have to be strong for her" he heard Miranda sigh loudly. "She's a smart girl," she said with her eyes flooding, "she knows her daddy isn't here." Now, she was a little frantic. "This will be a lot… for a long time."

"I know, babe." He sighed. "I know. But let's just let her sleep while and when she can." His lips pressed against the back of her head, grabbing her waist and feeling her body slacken. "You get some rest, too, baby."

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Ben exhaled, peeking over his wife to see the child once more before mimicking them both and starting an uneasy night of sleep.

In the morning, he woke up to see that Pru and Miranda had switched and the girl was lying between them. Miranda was still asleep, her breathing steady and deep. But Pru was looking right up at him. "Hi," he said smiling as his heart tore a little more. He'd imagined this exact scene several times over, only…

"Hi," she responded in a small, high-pitched voice.

Ben wondered if he'd ever look at her and not see Dean, his eyes, his warmth. "Hungry?"

Pru grabbed his face, staring into his eyes. "Hungwy."

"Let's go and let's not wake up your auntie." He rolled to the edge of the bed and stretched before standing up and holding his arms out for the girl.

She jumped into them and he chuckled. "Hungwy" was the only word he caught as she strung together mismatched words.

"Me, too." Holding her, they walked out of the room with Ben tip-toeing dramatically, closing the door behind them.

In the hall, he saw that the bedroom doors to both of his sons' rooms were closed. He knocked on Tuck's door first. Hearing tapping and clicking, he pushed it open to see the teen at his computer playing his game. "Good morning."

Tuck didn't turn or respond. Ben put Pru down and she ran toward him, tapping his leg. "Pruey!" He said loudly.

Ben winced. "Shh!"

"My bad. Hey dad." Tuck picked up Pru. The girl reached for the keyboard and smashed it. "Wait," the boy said laughing looking at the screen. "Whoa! Good shot!"

"We're about to go and start breakfast, want to help?"

"Are you making biscuits?"

"Are you making bacon and sausage?"

Ben raised a brow. "Get Joey to make the eggs and I'll consider."

"Get mom to make grits and I'll consider," Tuck countered.

Father and son laughed. "Come on, boy. Bring Pru," Ben said as he walked to Joey's room. He knocked, but there was no answer. He opened it and watched Joey sleep for a second before shaking his shoulder.

"Oh, God, five more minutes, please."

Ben nodded. "Fine. Five minutes and then come downstairs and make some eggs."

"Ughh."

Tuck and Pru walked by and the girl wriggled out of Tuck's arms and waddled to Ben. "Hey, Pru," the oldest teen said sitting up forgetting about the five minutes he'd just begged for. "Does she know about about…?" Joey asked.

Ben shook his head. "No," he said touching the girl's chin, grinning. Pru mirrored it, her little teeth captivating him. "She doesn't."

"When are you guys gonna tell her?" Tuck asked.

"I don't know," Ben answered. Honestly, he'd rather not have to tell her, but he knew that wasn't realistic. Like Miranda had said, she knew her daddy wasn't there when she went to sleep and hadn't been there when she woke up. He was just glad that she seemed okay this morning because last night had been so much for all of them. Joey, who rarely cried, broke down. And Tuck just went into his room, not speaking or eating for the rest of the night. Miranda and Ben had spent the night checking on them, trying to settle Pru and exchanging looks of "what the hell?"

The four of them went downstairs and began breakfast. Ben turned on some music and he sat the girl in a chair while he and his boys moved around the kitchen. The door opened and Miranda walked in, tying her robe and looking gorgeous as ever. "Hey, babe."

"Hiii, baby girl," she sang walking over to Pru, kissing the top of her head. "Look at you. So pretty." Ben's face lit up and his heart danced. "Good morning, my boys."

"Oh, you can see us?" Ben asked.

"Yes, I can see you," she said hugging Tuck and Joey before grabbing him from behind. He reached back and touched her waist. "Good morning, baby."

"Ma, can you make some grits?" Tuck asked.

"Of course," she answered and Ben got out of the way and watched his family like a spectator at a ball game. He hated the reason all five of them were together on a Friday morning, but he loved that they were all safe and smiling. "Ben?"

He blinked a few times. "Yes?" Concern crossed his wife's face and he turned up the corners of his mouth trying to distract her.

"Pops, you're okay?" Joey asked.

Ben nodded. "What were we talking about?"

"Your biscuits are ready," Tuck said. "And Pru… kinda… stinks." The four of them looked at the girl who was playing with a wooden spoon, drumming it on the chair.

"I'm cooking," Miranda told him with a quickness.

"Meats."

"Eggs."

"Fine, I'll do it," Ben said feigning as if it were a tough task, but he had no problem changing his goddaughter. "C'mon, Little Miss Pruitt." He picked her up and left the kitchen.

Behind him he heard his wife say: "Keep your eye on that, please".

Up in their room, he lay the girl on the bed and she looked at him as he turned up his nose. "Jesus," he said taking off her diaper, folding it carefully.

"Jeee."

"You're lucky you're so cute," he told her as Pru smiled up at him. Then there were footsteps behind them. "Is that the love of my life?" He asked without turning around.

"I am she," Miranda responded coming into the room and sitting on their bed next to Pru whose eyes were fluttering to a close. "She is… beautiful."

"She is."

She stroked the girl's head as she slept and Ben watched in awe. What he wouldn't give… "So… we need to talk."

"We do."

Once breakfast was finished, the boys went to the rec center, taking full advantage of this unexpected day off of school. Then they were going to go to the movies on their parents' dime and while the latter stayed at the house with Pru still asleep upstairs. Her fitful night was catching up to her.

They didn't have a baby monitor, so Ben turned on Facetime on his phone and the two of them kept an eye and ear on her through Miranda's, muting it so their voices wouldn't wake her. He sat across from his wife at the kitchen table, the chairs just slightly uncomfortable for the conversation they were about to have. "What did he ask you? Verbatim."

He began telling her the stories, trying not to leave out anything. He'd done enough of that. He tried to convey how certain Dean had seemed. "He had a whole station of people to choose from, people who'd known him longer. Um… his parents, his sister, other friends… But he chose us. Me and you. Twice."

Miranda sat listening and part of him knew that she was hearing all of this as his wife and as a Chief of Surgery who made major decisions each day. "So, what do you want to do? Where do we go from here? Her grandparents surely will want her."

He shrugged and nodded at the same time, glancing to the screen to see Pru rolling over. Ben waited a beat and when she settled, he told her: "I know. They wanted to come and pick her up last night."

"Of course." Her hands went to her head and he fixated on her nails, shorter than she would probably normally wear them if she weren't a surgeon, clean and on tiny hands. He grinned. "And you don't know about a will?" She asked.

The question wiped his face clean. Shaking his head, he said: "And I didn't sign anything."

"This is an uphill battle. We don't have anything, but your word of his words."

"I'm sure he told other people, too."

"Well, we can only hope he did or we're just asking for more heartbreak and I don't know…" She flourished her hand. "Never mind."

He got up and moved his chair next to her, reaching for her hand, rubbing the nail on her index finger. "Say it. Please."

They looked at one another and she inhaled. "I can't take anymore heartache. Dean's death is pushing the envelope. If we fight for Pru and we lose, I will be devastated. And I know you will be, too. Do we want to go through that? "Would it be enough to just be her godparents who see her every so often and drop off insanely expensive gifts and go to her ballet recitals and the ones she comes to for advice? Do we have to raise her, Ben?" Her body deflated and tears streamed down her face. "Because say we do get her? Is it because we lost one of our own?" Ben could feel heat rising behind his own eyes. The longer he tried to hold them in, the more it hurt. "And there are so many more questions with answers we can't even begin to answer."

He licked his bottom lip. "Joey… he's of age, but he will be taken care of if something should happen to us. And I know you and Tucker have a plan for Tuck and it includes me or what happens if all us… kick it before he's 18." Ben squeezed his wife's hand, trying to soothe his own self. "And if we had a baby, we'd want our wishes to be carried out the way we wanted them to."

"Yes, they would go to Roz."

"Exactly. And then… zigzag through the list of whoever."

Miranda let go of a smile. "That's different, she's next of kin outside of my dad."

"True. But everyone will know that we want my sister to have her… them."

"Unless my dad decided to get custody."

"Miranda…"

She stared at him, her eyes wide. "What?"

She couldn't be serious. "That man is 102, he's not taking care of a child or teenager or otherwise." The couple cracked up loudly, covering their mouths so they didn't disturb the two-year-old. "But my point is, we wouldn't want them to go to Saniyah or somebody if they're supposed to go to Rosalind." He sighed not really wanting to talk about their life plan for their hypothetical, was once upon a time child. "And that goes for any parents. That goes for Dean."

Yawning, she nodded with a smile. "So, we're the chosen ones?"

"We're them. Might as well call us Harry Potter." Miranda's loud laugh rang out through the house and Pru jumped, waking up. "You up for it?"

The girl's cries were low, but she was awake now. His wife got up and kissed the top of his head. "I might be."