March 25, 2022

For Pru's 3rd birthday, Miranda and Ben were all set to do a big birthday blowout at Jump Heaven since it was the first one without her father. But Ifeya and Bill had already planned a sit-down dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town. "Your family is welcome, of course. It's our treat." Granted, the food was good, but Ben hated every second of it. And, by the third course, poor Pru was nodding off. He felt awful. She should have been jumping and laughing and throwing up to her heart's content, not listening to soft jazz surrounded by adults.

By the time he and Miranda could do something for her birthday, Jump Heaven was booked. They settled on the idea of having a party at the house. They invited their coworkers who had young kids, some of Pru's classmates and their parents. Even Vic, Jack Andy had been invited for some Station 19 color, but the women were on vacation together on some island and Jack was backpacking through Europe, having been unable to continue as a firefighter after Dean's death. The Millers and Yemi also came by and while the older two sat in the corner looking out of place, Yemi joined right in with the festivities.

Pru couldn't decide on "Paw Patrol" or "Doc McStuffins," so they ended up doing a hybrid of both shows. Ben found the theme of first responders and a doctor perfect for the girl whose father and godparents were both. She was adorable in her little lab coat and stethoscope and firefighter's hat with a hose and every time she pranced by, it made his heart soar. The smile on her face was all the evidence they needed that this was the right and best decision and Ben knew Dean would have been grateful.

Expectedly, they all had a really fun time. And the guests left with goodie bags and well wishes. By the end of the day, it was just the birthday girl and her crew and Ifeya and Bill began dropping hints that they'd be leaving soon. When that time finally came, Pru threw a diva-like fit literally embodying the "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" spirit. She fell out on the floor, kicking and screaming. Ben thought Ifeya was going to explode, crumble or both. And he would have cared except that the three-year-old looked so miserable. Clearly, she wanted to stay.

The woman did her best to soothe her granddaughter and nothing worked until Miranda jumped in, stroking the girl's curls, speaking tenderly until Pru was only hiccupping and sniffling. "You'll be back, okay?" Her voice broke a little as she slipped one of Pru's feet inside of a shiny, black shoe. "And then you and Tuck and Joey can…" Pru jumped up and grabbed her neck, whimpering. Miranda hugged her back. "Oh! Thank you, baby."

"Thank you," Pru said.

Ben bent down to help with the other shoe. "Now, Miss Pruitt Miller, you be good for your Grandma and Grandpa, okay?"

The girl grabbed his face squeezed, tapping his bearded face a little, smiling. "Okay, Daddy."

There had been music playing and people had been talking, but suddenly the room was completely and eerily quiet. Did she say what it sounded like she'd said?

Ifeya started to walk over, but Bill held her arm, his face seemingly made of stone. "I be good, Daddy," Pru said and Ben looked at the girl, beautiful and charismatic, every bit of her father's child and tried not to break down.

"Baby girl," he said in a soft tone, hoping that she understood, that someday she would understand. "I'm not your daddy, okay?" She bobbled her head as he pulled out his phone and swiped a few times until he came across a moving picture of the man smiling over his shoulder while on an exercise bike. Ben had taken it the week before his death. What she didn't see were the ones before it where Dean was scowling at him in jest, calling him annoying and sticking up his middle finger. "This. This is your Daddy."

"Daddy!"

"Yes, baby girl, that's your Daddy."

"Where Daddy?"

His heart was spiraling in his chest. "He's… he's in Heaven." He smiled at her, not wanting her to be afraid of the unknown even though it scared him half to death. "He's with my Mommy and Daddy."

"And mine," Joey said.

Miranda moved next to them, plopping the girl on her lap. "And my Mommy and our other baby," she said pinching her little cheeks.

"My baby in there," Pru said touching Miranda's stomach. The 3-year-old had already claimed Cheddar as her own and couldn't wait to meet them.

Ben glanced around the room at the devastated faces of the older Millers. Yemi was sobbing and his boys looked stunned; then his eyes were back on Pru. "But, uh… you know what, baby girl?" Pru turned to him. "Your Daddy he was my best friend."

"Best fwiend?"

"Yes," he said wiping away a tear from his face.

Tuck rubbed Pru's head, making her squirm and laugh. "Ay, Pruey, and your Daddy was my friend, too."

Ben's heart vibrated in his chest. "That's right. Everyone loved him. And he was funny and smart and—"

"Strong as h—" Joey started. Miranda cut her eyes at him and the teen made a face. "Really, really, really strong." He flexed and Pru did the same.

"And cute," Miranda said tapping her nose. "Just like you."

Bill sighed. "He was a beautiful boy," he said. That was the first time Ben had heard him speak all day.

Miranda nodded. "He was a very handsome man."

Ben raised a brow. "Oookay, baby, we get it," he said as some laughter filled the air.

"And spoiled," Yemi added. "He always knew and got exactly what he wanted." She kneeled down and kissed her niece's cheek. "And your Daddy, my brother, was a hero."

"I miss Daddy," she said and the room swelled again.

"Me, too," Ben responded, hugging her. Ifeya excused herself, bidding everyone goodnight before leaving the house abruptly. Bill and Yemi gathered Pru and they left shortly thereafter.

In their room, Miranda and Ben moved around, quiet. He was so damn tired. During his shower, he'd cried for a long time, his tears full of sadness and happiness and then, guilt about that happiness. His wife had knocked on the door and asked if he was good and he'd said he was. It wasn't true then, but after he'd calmed himself down, he realized that it was—it was all good. Leisurely putting on deodorant, he faced the inside of the closet. Behind him, Miranda got into the bed. "Light?" She asked.

"Hit it."

When darkness fell over the room, he exhaled and stretched his back for a bit before climbing in behind her. "So, are we going to talk about it?" His wife turned just as he was reaching for her waist.

"What?"

"About Pru! What she said! And the Millers! My God, they looked furious, didn't they?" He nodded while she rambled, waiting for a chance to jump in. "I'm glad she said that when it was just us. What if they think we taught her that?"

He finally got a hold of her body, her belly pressed against his. Even though he knew it was too soon, sometimes he swore, he could feel the baby move. And somehow his excitement about their new addition grew. "Take a breath, babe. They might think we're not the best people to raise Pru, but they know we didn't force her to say that."

Miranda touched his chin, capturing his full attention. "And how are you?"

He shrugged. "I'm okay. I'm alright. You?" Her face didn't move as she waited. Without words, she dragged the truth out of him. "I cried in the shower," he told her.

Her eyes pooled with sympathy. "I know." Of course, she knew. Miranda Bailey missed nothing.

They kissed, softly. "But you know what?" Her eyebrows lifted with a question. "It felt good."

"To cry?"

"To hear someone call me… 'Daddy'." She grinned. "Without… you know what I mean."

"I do."

"But… I don't want her thinking or them thinking that I'd ever try to take the place of Dean." He sighed. "And I know we said if bouncing Pru back and forth is how it has to be that we're okay with it. But I'm not. I'm not." Ben shook his head. "Dean swore that he would be there for Tuck and Joey and I said that our village was his. That meant taking her and being her family." Ben dropped on his back and stared up at the ceiling. "Every day since he died, I wonder if… if I've done everything I can to honor his wish for his daughter and I… I-I-I don't think I have. There's something I'm missing. Or something that I haven't done or something that I haven't said or…" Looking at his wife, he saw her smirking. "What?"

Miranda propped her head on her hand. "You are such a good man. I hope you know that," she said.

He turned and mimicked her position, tapping his fingers on her thigh. "I've heard that from time to time."

"Well, you are." Her free hand found his. "I know that I say that you should thank your lucky stars I even fell for you in the first place, but, truthfully, I thank God you fell for me."

Not that it would have changed anything, but he really didn't have a choice. The first time Ben had seen Miranda, they were in surgery. The tensions were high and they'd both been as mad as two mad people. The second, she'd ripped into him so badly, she almost hurt his feelings. But the third time was the charm—when she'd gotten comfortable enough with him to let him in just a little. And he started to see her more than the cute General surgeon and wondered if she was someone he needed to pursue. So, he had. And his life had never been the same. "I am blessed."

"Yes, you are." The two of them cracked up, moving in for another kiss. "And you are so, so good. Too good almost… if that's a thing." She paused. "I need you to forgive yourself. For us, for Pru… and Dean… and for yourself. Please, hon." Ben was sure that if all of his tears weren't down the drain, he'd be crying right now. "You, Ben Warren, deserve peace."

He sniffled, rubbing her stomach slowly. "Thank you, baby."