Chapter eleven:
There was no rest for the wicked. That was all Mrs. Ball would say on repeat as she would order the staff about and they would complain in return. Jack, however, didn't even so much as open his mouth to speak as he had been tasked with helping to clear out the stables. He was used to being around horses when he was growing up and as the grey skies had cleared and left a lovely blue palette in its wake, Jack could only be grateful for time away from the house. Away from Rose. Away from his own shadow. The guilt of kissing a married woman, even briefly and the yearning he had been left with for more. But more of what, he wasn't even sure. There was nothing but the nauseous feeling within his stomach which he was struggling to address. It wasn't unpleasant, more unsettling, and the more he thought of her and their lips just briefly pressing together, the more it stirred the sickness.
They had quietly walked home the night before, arriving back at the house just before midnight and Rose had bid him good night and had quickly followed the staircase up to the main house, leaving Jack heavy with the burden of his own thoughts. He had wished to apologise, to even consider expressing regret, but the truth was he hadn't regretted the split second of weakness that he had suffered. Rose had been surprised, but she hadn't pushed him back, in fact, she had remained close and he had felt her erratic pulse as he had held onto her hand and it was the feeling of that which had carried him through into the night as he struggled to even put his weary head onto the pillow for the second night in a row knowing that sleep would not come to him. Perhaps, he would struggle to rest for some time.
Jack ploughed his pitch fork into the hay, twisting it about for the umpteenth time that morning, or perhaps it was now afternoon. Come to think of it, Zach, the stable lad, had been gone some time so he was either slacking off or had gone for lunch, either way he didn't care. He was taking the opportunity to be outside with nature happily but as he peeked up, to witness a strange darkening of the sky, Jack came to realise that he had worked through the entire afternoon and it appeared that the evening had fast approached.
After grooming the horses with Zach, who had gone to tend to their saddles, he had gone back to sorting the hay. Sweat dripped from his long dirty blonde hair, stinging his eyes and shining his face. Even removing his outer shirt hadn't stopped the heat penetrating him and so, he just worked on, regardless, in just his vest. The sheds were large. The horses mostly slept aside from the odd fluster of a snore or a movement as they twitched, it was silent. Peaceful. This was the time of day Jack preferred to work. In the evening, in Paris- or even California, he would sit down at dusk with a beer in one hand and his charcoal in the other. Inspired by anything and everything he would draw, but he knew that there was nothing other than one source of light influencing his work now and she was a married woman. A mother. She was far away...too far to even reach to her, and somehow, he had wound up feeling her lips respond to his for a brief second last night.
During the day in the stables when he had last worked, when his lordship was home, Jack was endlessly interrupted. Load up the horses, his lordship must go to a meeting, it's a matter of urgency. It always was, Jack would snigger to himself. Self-absorbed, arrogant bastard. The lot of them, including his manservant. It was another reason for him to keep himself away from the drawl of it all. How people coped with the entire charade was beyond him. He had served some of the wealthiest people with the most miserable of faces. The finest minds who were the most ignorant to the true problems of the world. It was funny, how a footman was seen to be so beneath his lordship, and even Rose, yet, they were people who struggled to cope with the simplest things.
Footsteps from outside the shed sounded, causing Jack to cease his work, leaning his pitch fork against the wood slat of the beam and he moved forward, swatting hair from his face so that he could go to investigate the disturbance. The door swung open and he was faced with the outline of a woman, in the dim light, so out of breath until she was placing her hands upon his damp shoulders to steady herself. Jack came to her, and every single thought of the day had gone scattering from his mind and the only thing which mattered to him at the moment was her.
''Rose, what is it?''
Rose was flushed, her hair loose about her shoulders and cascading down her back in the most dishevelled but loveliest of ways. Her eyes were stark and shining in some kind of mischief. She was wearing a plain but pretty golden muslin dress, and as he came to touch the area of her waist, he was sure that beneath it, she wasn't wearing her corset. There seemed to be no rigidness to how she stood. She was even sagging her shoulders slightly into him. As her fingers delicately ran across his chest, he felt how he reacted to her. He was shivering in the warmth. Feeling the prickling across his body, he was also alarmingly aware of how seeing him in such a state of undress should be an outrage to her.
''I…I ran.''
''What?''
''From the house. My husband telephoned from London, and as soon as I heard it ring in the parlour, I simply went. Good gracious, I haven't ran since I was a child, and now I have sprinted across the entire paths wondering just where to find you.''
Jack felt the ache start in his stomach. She had sought him out.
''I was asked to clean the horses.''
''That was this morning, was it not? I was the one who tasked you with it, I do hope you don't mind. I thought it would be better than been inside the stuffy house sorting out the hideous treasures in the attic along with the others.''
''So you were the one to send me out here, huh?''
''Yes, thinking of you the entire time,'' she smirked, with an almost innocence. ''How come you are still out here?''
''I didn't know that it was evening.''
''Have you eaten?''
''Not since this morning.''
''Goodness, you'll be the one fainting.''
''Not really, you forget I am used not eating for a while.''
''Indeed,'' Rose puzzled over his bare arms and he watched as she retracted herself from his shoulders and turned to the stable doors. ''Do you always work without your necessity clothing?''
''No, I wasn't expecting anyone. Least of all you.''
''Why not? It is my stables, is it not?''
''Well, yes…''
''And, I do believe that some days ago, you did promise to show me just how to ride like a man, did you not?''
Rose's eyebrow raised, and he knew that she was playing a game. One which he could play. He would probably lose. But he had already lost something. It wasn't his heart, not just yet. His sanity, maybe. His wits. His general sense of anything other than her. And so, he simply picked up his khaki shirt and slowly pulled it across his shoulders before straightening out the collar and fastening the buttons starting at the top. She watched him, fascinated, perhaps because she had never seen another person dress themselves before, or maybe not so effortlessly…
"So does your ladyship want to know how to ride like a man?"
"Jack, do not call me that."
His lips drew together in a knowing smile and it seemed to be just how to be as playful as she was.
"And yes, I do. I want to know how to saddle a horse. How to ride it without so much of a shadow of a doubt."
Jack glanced about at the lack of light inside the stables. "How about tomorrow?"
Rose drew her hands together at her midsection and it was as though she was ringing her hands together. He stepped towards the doors and the wooden slats fell back allowing a peek of the approaching sunset to envelope them both.
"Is it too dark to ride?"
"No, we should be all right, if you're determined to go tonight.. Are you sure about this?"
"Of course."
Jack led Rose to the open door of a stall where a pretty caramel coloured mare stood munching on hay. Her coat was so smooth that she looked metallic and her mane and tail were black. As her stall creaked open, she made a gentle snuffing sound.
"She is gentle. She likes to be fed and petted. Like a puppy really." Jack ran his palm across her side.
"How do you know that just from working out here for a day or so?"
Jack shrugged. "Animals are easy. They don't play games. They don't hide. If they like you, they'll show it. Place your hand on her like this."
She did. And gently stroking upwards towards the back, the horse was snuffing and soon nuzzling her wet nose into Jack's shoulder.
"See?"
Rose laughed, her eyes curious.
"And what about your horse?"
Jack furrowed his brow. "You want me to ride with you?"
"Yes."
After taking a few minutes to complete the process of showing Rose how to put on a saddle and bridle, he then stood with the two horses outside, facing the green hills which appeared to be so endless. There was a slight breeze and it was nice, cooling the otherwise still evening.
''Are you sure that you won't be missed taking tea?''
Rose glanced at his smile, and she appeared to be playfully stern. ''Quite sure.''
"Alright," Jack was as calm and as confident as ever. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to get you set up on your horse first... you're going to put your left foot here in the stirrup, and grab this little knob here on the saddle, it's called the pommel. And I'm going to help you swing your right leg over the horse. I'll kinda help boost you."
Trying not to show how nervous she was, Rose slipped her left foot into the closest stirrup. The skirts of her dress flourished about her boots, tangling round her legs and as she placed her foot where it should, Jack worked to arrange the layers about the place to ensure she had a smooth transition to the horse. When his fingers caught her thigh, even though all of the layers, Rose felt the warmth of something spread through her body but right now, that needed to be ignored in order to focus on the task at hand. With Jack holding her horse steady, Rose suspected that the horse would have stood and waited patiently even without Jack there. Even though she radiated gentleness, and she wasn't nearly as massive as the black horse Jack had selected. Adjusting her dress, Rose contemplated just how she was going to get her other leg over the horse's back, when that back was higher than her own shoulder.
However, as Rose stepped up into the stirrup, Jack put his hands around her waist and helped to lift her onto the wide back. With his boost, her right leg swung easily over the saddle. Rose wanted to squeal out, but knew not to spook the horse. It was damned high up! It was higher than expected. It was—wonderful.
''I thought I would have a hard time getting my thighs around her, but the saddle is comfortable.''
Jack adjusted Rose's skirts about the horse so they wouldn't tangle in the reins. It smelled nicely of leather, and her horse smelled nice too-like clean hay and sunshine. Beneath that, a not-unpleasant scent of animal sweat. Jack passed Rose the reins, and she took them hesitantly and he sensed the nerves as it flashed upon her eyes.
''Have you ridden sidesaddle before?''
Rose nodded. ''Yes, just a few times.''
''Right, hold these and sit tight one second while I get up too," he told her.
Rose nodded and watched, still as could be as he hopped up onto his horse's massive back in one smooth motion that looked as easy as stepping up on a curb; it looked to be second nature to him and then, she recalled that he had grown up on a farm in Wisconsin, himself. Images of Jack, as a younger teen, riding with his father, perhaps, came to Rose and it was a topic which she longed to learn more of.
"See. Now you're on a horse. And you're not sidesaddling."
Jack sat comfortably on the large, dark horse, directing him with the smallest motion of his hand on the reins, or his heel against the horse's side. Rose gave hers a gentle tap, and obediently she started walking forward. She was probably following Jack and his horse more than listening to Rose, but she was glad the horse didn't just take her off galloping. Even walking jolted her around more than expected. Her shoulders and haunches rolled beneath her in a way that wasn't quite regular. It was hard to catch the rhythm so that she didn't bounce off the saddle.
''Why are women expected to ride improperly? Surely there even less control?'' Rose called, ahead of the sound of the trots.
''Yes, because they are nothing but toffee-nosed assholes who can never be bothered to learn to ride properly.'' Jack called to her, and she snorted a laugh, remembering how Jack felt about the upper class. It lightened her mood, relaxing her a little. Upon seeing her smile, Jack nodded in approval. "You're doing great!"
Rose laughed. ''We have only taken a few steps.''
Jack tossed his hair from his face, and the sight stole the breath from her, as he stayed close by to her, with him just a little ahead of her so that it's clear who was leading. He kept the pace slow to start as they ambled across the meadow. The grass was a little higher there, and full of tiny white butterflies that fluttered upward in papery clouds as the horse's swished through. The early evening sunshine made the world sparkle. The grass smelled sweet, and the air was fresher than any either had tasted before. The horse felt warm beneath Rose's thighs, even though the air was cooler in the evening air.
''You got the hang of it yet?''
The first, nerve wracking few steps were not as bad as initially thought. It was the surroundings which Rose was transfixed by; how wonderful everything felt. All five of her senses seemed to have been awakened to something new, exciting and wonderful.
''I think so.''
''Are you sure?''
''Yes.''
Jack smiled, squinting. How stunning he looked upon a horse.
''Do you trust me to take you on a gallop? You have to stand more in the stirrups, bouncing against her.''
Rose glanced at him, as though he was a man gone mad and he frowned in a response.
"It's actually more comfortable to gallop," Jack demonstrated, taking the horse in a small circle about the field, his powerful thighs working as he lowered himself to the horse, flying about the field. Jack whooped, but not too loudly, knowing just how the horses could startle. Feeling her cheeks hurt from laughing, Rose's stomach fluttered about, unsettled from something about that evening. Was it Jack or perhaps just life? Life was beautiful, wonderful and everything which she had envisioned it could be but it wasn't the one in which she was destined to live. It was as though she was an imposter in another life when she was with Jack.
''You going to try?'' He circled to come towards Rose.
"I don't know about that..." Rose was hesitant, feeling her heart flying about in her chest.
''What are you fearing, Rose?''
''I don't-''
Just what did she fear? The way his eyes shone, with such happiness pushed her confidence through and caused her fear to cease, slowly.
''Do you trust me?''
Of course, she did.
''Yes.''
"Just grab the reins like this"-he showed her—"and lean forward more, so you're closer down to her neck..."
Adapting to a better position, to mirror the one which Jack was taking, Rose felt ridiculous, but still, once Jack had nodded his approval, he shouted-
"HA!"
And the horses took off.
Rose thought she would fall off; but she remained on the horse, clinging to her horse with her knees, leaning low over her neck, gripping tight onto reins until they almost cut into her delicate hands. If her heart was hammering before, then it would fall out of her chest then in that second. Out on the open field, it felt bright green and velvety. The horses hooves thundered beneath Rose, propelling her forward and soaring further into the field. Jack was right; it was easier to gallop and to follow the rhythm of the horses movement at a gallop. The wind streaming into her face was cool, clean and invigorating.
Slowly, confidence was gained. Wasn't that the only thing which was needed in order to try new things? Her smile was infectious, but she concentrated on her riding, but her eyes travelled outward, to Jack. The two horses ran in tandem, only a couple of feet between them. It was beautiful, utterly beautiful. The vast stretches of the land seemed endless all around them. The sky was like a huge, inverted bowl, brilliantly turning a darkened blue like Jack's eyes, almost cloudless with the frayed edges of sunset appearing. Her heart was racing -partly from fear, but also from exhilaration. Her hair streamed out behind her like the horse's tail. Rose realised that she wasn't gripping the reins so tight anymore but she was actually squeezing with her legs, wanting her to run faster and faster. Wanting to feel exactly this, more and more.
Jack was right beside her. He let out a whoop, partly to urge on the horses, and partly out of pure happiness. Every now and then, he checked Rose, to ensure that she was enjoying this just as much as he was. She was. Jack's whoop echoed about the greenery, as though they were the only two people on earth.
Rose felt as though she was soaring. Enlightened. Alive. She felt terrified and exhilarated and thrilled, all at once. Every golden hair on the horse's smooth coat, every blade of bright green grass, every bird soaring overhead, Rose saw as though it was the brightest colour ever discovered. The smell of summer. The scent of the trees. Of the fragranced flowers. Of the grass.
Her muscles were aching from the strain of doing something so foreign to her usual activity but it felt wonderful, making her feel as powerful as the horse, as limitless as the open space and wild...perhaps, like Jack were. He always seemed to be like a force of nature. Like he could never belong to a city or a place. He was just himself, at all times. Wherever he might be.
At last, Jack made a clicking sound and pulled back on the reins. His horse reluctantly obeyed, coming to a trot and then a gentle walk. Rose's horse matched his pace exactly. Rose could feel her rapid breathing, and the heat of her body. She was the same -panting and sweating. But exhilarated. Not wanting to slow down.
"Why are you stopping?"
"There's a stream up here," he told her, out of breath. "The horses can have a drink.''
''All right,'' she agreed, reluctantly.
''Hey, don't look so unhappy, we're teaching you how to spit like a man after this, remember."
In the beautiful sunset, Jack's eyes shone with a certain mischief.
''Yes, I do.''