Disclaimer: I don't own Touhou Project as it is owned by ZUN.

XXXXXXXXX

'Thoughts'

"Speaking"

*Actions*

"YELLING"

-Time-

"Spellcards"

XXXXXXXXX

-A Hallway of the SDM-

BGM: EoSD Stage 5 Theme: The Maid and the Pocket Watch of Blood (Re-Extended)

They were in a hallway and more fairy maids showed up.

"Let's get 'em!" Fairy 1 Maid said.

"Yyyeeeaahhh!" Fairy Maid 2 said.

Later they were all literally thrown into trash cans.

"Know your place," Reimu said. Then Sakuya showed up wielding her knives.

"If only Lady Patchouli was in better health... And if only we didn't have a useless slacker as a gatekeeper…" Sakuya said.

"Well, here'a my answer for why they failed Master Sp-"

"ZA WARUDO!" Sakuya shouted before Marisa could do anything as time stopped.

BGM: EoSD Sakuya's Theme: Lunar Clock ~ Luna Dial (Re-Extended)

"Time has stopped. Now then, knives or steamroller?" Sakuya said. "Let's go with knives."

The maid proceeded to throw a lot of knives around Marisa.

"Time has resumed," Sakuya said as time resumed.

"ar-huh?" Marisa said as she was surrounded by knives.

"That's gonna sting," Reimu said.

The knives came at Marisa.

"CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRA-" the magician said as she was stabbed everywhere. Patchouli was amused as she saw it through a crystal ball.

"Okay, what the hell was that!" Marisa said as she was pierced everywhere by knives but somehow didn't die.

"What was what?" Sakuya said looking smug.

"What?!" Marisa said looking mad.

Sakuya was actually laughing as she stopped time. Time resumed.

'Now what are her powers?' Reimu thought. She was confused, and why so many knives appeared out of nowhere. She didn't have time to think of an answer. because there were a lot of knives surrounding her. The shrine maiden only managed to dodge them due to how small her hitbox was. Much to Sakuya's disappointment, and Marisa's jealousy as well.

"One day…" Marisa said. "One day…"

She sighed. Sakuya just took out knives and began to engage Reimu.

Reimu just dodged the attacks coming at her all while the Head Maid just threw even more knives at her.

"Try and dodge this! FANTASY SEAL!" Reimu said as she used this spell card in an attempt to take down Sakuya.

"Za Warudo!" Sakuya said as she stopped time once again allowing her to avoid the attack and proceeded to get out of dodge as time resumes as the attack missed her.

"Stay still ***dammit!" Reimu said as she fired homing amulets at the maid who stopped time once again and dodged them while retaliating by throwing knives at the girl, but she dodged them due to her tiny hitbox.

"Holy Relic: Yin-Yang Kishin Orb!" Reimu said as she created a big blue yin-yang orb and sent it to Sakuya but she stopped time once again and dodged it.

"Illusion Sign: Killing Doll!" Sakuya said as knives began to scatter outward and then were launched at Reimu who dodged them.

Throughout the entire fight they couldn't hit each other but everything else except for Marisa who somehow didn't get hit this time, and is asleep now.

"Now that I think about it, on which difficulty are you on?" Sakuya said.

"The Hardest difficulty," Reimu said.

"Wasn't Icicle Fall on easy, though?" Sakuya said.

"Oh right this means you're easy to deal with!" Reimu said.

"No. This means that you cannot proceed to my mistress. Even if you beat me," Sakuya said.

"What?! This is bull***!" Reimu said.

"I didn't write this detail. ZUN did," Sakuya said.

The shrine maiden is MAD. Marisa woke up to see that and began to laugh at her looking mad.

"Sucks to be you!" Marisa said as she was laughing so much. Reimu was not amused at this.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

-Meanwhile-

BGM: EoSD Stage 6 Boss - Remilia Scarlet's Theme - Septette for the Dead Princess

"You know what? I am bored," Remilia said. "Maintaining this mist is too much effort. I can't even get out. This sucks balls."

"So we just stop, then?" Patchouli said.

"Yes," Remilia said.

"Very well," Patchouli said. Remilia began to inhale the scarlet mist, and it was gone.

"All done!" Remilia said as she was so f***ing high, right now. The vampire was tipsy.

"Are you okay?" Patchouli said.

"I'm fine!" Remilia said. "I'm so f***ing high, right now! Whhhheeeeeeee!"

Patchouli sighed as she saw the loli vampire, who was her best friend, get high and spin around.

-Back with Reimu & Marisa-

"Wait what the incident has been solved already?!" Reimu said.

"Yep," Sakuya said.

"***dammit! I wanted to solve it you son of a b-"

BGM End.

Incident Solved!

A/n: Now we get to the end of the EosD Abridged Story with a hilarious ending to it that is very funny indeed. I do hope you like what you have seen with this chapter.