**Same trigger warnings as before**
Chapter 3
"Hello Ms. Paige and thank you for agreeing to meet with me today. I am Dr. Regina Mills."
Lily smiled nervously as she shook her hand. "Hi. It's nice to meet you. I um…I guess I thought Emma would be here." She looked around the small but cozy room.
"She has agreed to meet with you today, but she has asked that I be here as well. Is that okay?"
"I don't care who is with as long as I actually see her. I've been coming here for so long, but she never comes to see me." The woman sighed and looked down. "I know why, of course. I know she hates me and blames me, as she should. I made such a mistake all those years ago and I still don't know why."
"Because you were thirteen." Regina stated, wanting to, but not adding 'for crying out loud'. "You were all thirteen-year-old kids who were being attacked by a man who was supposed to love and protect you. Three little lost girls who only wanted to be loved." Regina sat back. "The reason I wanted to see you first is because I think there are some things you should know. First, much like yourself, she's no longer that thirteen-year-old you last saw. Until very recently, she hasn't talked much to anyone. She hasn't socialized, made friends, or even tries to. She does her time with no problems, but also no comradery, keeping herself to herself."
"That's not like the Emma I knew at all." Lily said, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "She was always so outgoing. She made friends so easily and was always smiling. That doesn't feel as long ago as it really was though." Lily sighed. "She shouldn't be here. Has she told you that? I'm sure you hear that a lot, but she really should not be here."
"She told me her story, and not only do I believe her, but…I want to help her." Regina bit her lip, knowing she was toeing the line. "This must stay between us for now but Emma finally opened up to me, but she had one condition – to not give her hope. I understand that, so I don't want her knowing."
Knowing what, exactly?" Lily asked worriedly. "She does want to see me, right?" Regina could see the hope wavering in her eyes and she could picture this woman at thirteen, being scared, hurt, confused, and just going along with what the other girls said simply due to shock.
"Yes, she does." Regina assured her. "It's just…a dear friend of mine is a lawyer and he's looking at Emma's case. He called me today and asked about possibly talking to you and Ella. Neither of you are in any trouble."
"I tried talking with her lawyer at the time, but no one would take me seriously if they even listened to me. I called Ella all the time and then…well, Emma was found guilty and Ella…she…" Lily swallowed. "She killed herself in the group home she was in."
"What?" Regina asked, surprised. "Did she tell anyone why?"
"Officially no." Lily said, shaking her head. "She told me the day before that if Emma was found guilty, she couldn't live with herself. I told her that if she did that, it would all have been for nothing, and she should be the one in jail…I was a bit harsh. They said she left a note, but they wouldn't tell me what it said." She bit her lip. "I'll talk to your friend; I won't tell Emma though. I think she's right in not wanting hope. Not for this; not yet." She looked at the woman. "I'm really going to see her today?"
Regina looked at the clock. "In about five minutes. I hope it's okay that I boked the private room. I have a feeling it will be more comfortable for her in here rather than out there."
"This is just fine. How long will we have?"
"Two hours. My hope is that after today, she'll come see you on your own, but I'm willing to come for however long she needs me to."
"Why? Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad she has someone like you, but why?"
Regina had to think about it for a while. "She's living a lonely life, even if she won't admit it. Her life was taken from her when she was found guilty, and I just can't imagine how lonely she must feel. Yes, she's here and yes, she's technically a criminal, but I don't think she deserves to live like this."
Lily gave a smile. "I like you, Dr. Mills. I'm glad you work here now."
"Swan, is that really you?"
Emma looked at the woman in front of her as she waited in the line for those with visitors. "Oh, hey Boo."
"You know my name? Wow…well uh, hi." She stepped forward as the line moved. "I didn't know you could even talk."
Emma shrugged. "I've been here long enough to know you're name and yes, I can. I don't always want to, but I can."
Before Boo could say more, Guard Martina came over. "Swan, you're with me." As they walked, she told Emma the rules. "You've never come for visitation, so please remember that even though Dr. Mills booked the private room for this, there will be a guard there and you are held to the same rules. One hug upon entering and one upon leaving. If your guest is giving you something, do it openly and not as a secret. You are allowed gifts, but obviously they'll have been checked. If you use the bathroom, you will be fully checked upon returning; if you don't, it's just a pat down."
"Why do I have a private room?" Emma asked, running her fingers through her hair.
"Dr. Mills requested it." She said as she knocked on the door.
"Right." Emma said, chewing her lip as the door opened. She saw Regina, but her focus was on the other brunette woman in the room. "Lily? Is…is that really you?"
Lily's whole face broke into a smile, and she stood. "Emma! I can't believe you actually came here. I have been waiting to see you."
The years melted away as the blonde went and hugged her one-time best friend. "You look amazing."
"So do you." Lily said, cupping Emma's cheek. "I'm so glad you came today."
"Lily, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I just…I didn't…"
"It's okay. It' just so good to see you."
The guard cleared his throat and Emma looked down. "I'm only allowed two hugs; one at the beginning and one at the end."
"Right…do you want to sit?"
Emma sat by Regina who was across the table from Lily. "I don't think I realized how long it's been until now."
"I know. It's like, even though I see myself every day, I was still expecting you to be that teenager I last saw."
"I haven't been that girl in so long." Emma said, looking down.
"Emma I…I'm so sorry." Lily gushed, tears filling her eyes. "I was still in shock from what happened, and Ella said you did it and I…I should have told the truth, but then you said you did it and I didn't know what to do."
Emma took her time. "I've been thinking I was mad at you but Lily…we were just kids. You're right, she said it, I went with it, why would you say anything different? I'm so sorry I haven't come to see you when you make this trip twice a week, every week."
"It's okay. I honestly never blamed you."
"Lily, you need to forgive yourself. I can tell just by looking at you that you're carrying the weight of me being in here and that's simply not fair. Maybe if you were Ella, I'd say you deserve it, but you don't."
Lily looked down. "Ella's dead."
Regina tightened her lips, not sure of how this would go over.
"What? How?" Emma asked, shocked.
"When you were found guilty, she…she hung herself."
Emma sat there, remembering that thirteen year old girl who had been like a sister to her for a short time. "I took the hit so she wouldn't get in trouble. This whole time I've been thinking 'at least she's free'. She's not though." Emma shook her head. "This is going to sound so disrespectful but…it's all been for nothing."
Lily put her hand on Emma's. "Don't think like that. I shouldn't have told you."
"I'm glad you did. I do hope she's at peace but I'm sorry, I'm angry. Even through all of this, I never once had the thought of ending it yet she what, felt so guilty she killed herself while she was out there free?"
Regina cleared her throat. "She was thirteen, Emma, and she probably felt so guilty."
"Not guilty enough to tell anyone the truth though. She's the only one who could. I tried, eventually, and nothing, Lily could have, but they wouldn't have believed her, but they'd have believed Ella. She could be the one in here not living a life while I could be out there living one."
"Emma, if that's really how you feel, let me help you. Let me talk to someone who can do an appeal. I'll tell the truth, I swear it."
"Stop. Just stop. Lily, I can't do this twice a week every week if all you're going to do is insist on giving me false hope!"
Regina saw the tears in Emma's eyes as she reached under the table and took her other hand, reassuringly of course…
Emma was surprised, but didn't pull away, instead, she squeezed back as if she depended on it. Emma took some deep breaths. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. It's just…" Green watery eyes met brown watery eyes and it was like they were kids again. "I've accepted this life, Lily. I've seen what hope can do to people in here and I can't do that. I can't even begin to hope that some miracle will happen, and I'll be set free only to have those iron doors shut on me again. I had a social worker at juvie who tried so hard to get a lawyer to take my case. She had me trusting her so much, I started planning a life for myself outside and when it completely fell through, it was like my world ended a second time. I cannot and will not do that again."
"I understand." Lily said quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"I think you both are very emotional right now. No one is intending to hurt the other here. I can clearly see how much you mean to each other, even if it has been years." Regina said calmly. "We have about an hour left. Emma, is there anything specific you wish to discuss?"
Emma looked down and chewed on her lip before looking up. "You said something in your last letter about finding my birth mother?"
Lily smiled. "Yes. We agreed I wouldn't say anything today though unless you brought it up. Emma, I know what you're thinking. I know you think this woman is psycho, heard your story, and weirdly wants to be involved, but Emma…that's not how this happened."
"Okay." Emma said, still a bit guarded.
"Emma, after everything happened, I went to a group home. It was actually a really nice one, but I was so depressed. One of the workers there, Mal, she reminded me so much of you. The hair, your eyes, even your personality. It was like looking at an older version of you. As I talked to her and got to know her, I just knew there was something about her. She had a baby girl that she named Emma who was taken from her when they were still in the hospital. It was national news, but…well…when they found the nurse that took the baby, she told everyone the baby died and she threw it away. Mal always believed her baby was out there and Emma, she was born on your birthday."
"This was after I was arrested and in the news?" Emma asked, trying not to roll her eyes.
"Yes, but she doesn't watch or read the news because she doesn't trust them. Her and I grew really close, and I still see her weekly and Emma, I think she's legit. She has a picture of her daughter just hours after she was born, wrapped in a baby blanket just like yours. She's willing to do DNA tests and all of it because Emma she…she wants her daughter."
Emma was quiet for a few moments, feeling Regina's thumb caressing her hand. "Does she know where I am?"
Lily nodded. "She does and she still wants to do all this. Emma, she just wants a chance."
Emma kept her eyes down on the table. "Why?" She asked and then cleared her throat. "Why would she want to know a daughter who's in jail for life – for taking another life."
"Because she knows the truth. Even if you had been the one to kill him, she agrees that it was self-defense. It was a desperate situation." Lily reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. "They already checked and approved this." She said to the guard who nodded. "This is her, Emma. Just…think about it maybe." She slid the picture over and Emma took it.
"She does look like me…or rather, I look like her." Emma said quietly, looking into sapphire blue eyes. "But what if I am hers? What, I find out my mother is alive and wants me – always wanted me from the sounds of it, and I get to see her two days a week for two hours? That kinda sucks."
Regina cleared her throat. "Emma, it's something we can discuss during our sessions."
"I'd want to know. Before I even invest in this at all, I need to know if she really is my mother. I don't even want to feel a shred of hope until I know."
Lily nodded in agreement. "I understand. I'm sorry for loading so much on you today."
Emma took Lily's hand with her free one. "Thank you for never giving up on me, Lils. Thank you for coming twice a week, even when I didn't come see you. I didn't even know how much that meant to me until now. I promise I won't stand you up anymore, okay? If you come to see me, I'll be here. Maybe…maybe you can see about getting a test to see if this woman really is…who she thinks she is?"
"Actually Emma, I talked to the guards at the desk, and they said they will talk to medical to have you sign consent to swab your cheek – if you want, of course." Lily smiled softly. "I'm going to keep coming every week, Emma. I've missed you so much."
Emma wiped at a few fallen tears. "I missed you too. More than I even knew. Thank you so much for coming."
"I'm sorry Swan, but I've already let you go ten minutes over." The guard said sadly. "We really have to get going."
Emma gave a nod and stood, going to Lily to hug her again. "See you Thursday?"
"Yes." Lily said, hugging Emma extra tight. "You'll find I put some money in your books too. I don't know why I never thought of that before. Get some Snickers and peanut butter cups and just pig out like we used to."
Emma smiled, though the lump in her throat made it difficult. "I love you, Lils."
Lily hugged just a bit tighter. "I love you too, Ems." Before she broke down, Lily gave a final squeeze before rushing out of the room.
Emma watched her and felt the loss so deeply. For two hours, she forgot who she was, where she was, and was just a normal woman catching up with a friend. Now, she remembered exactly where she was and she hated it. "I've got to go."
"Wait Emma, please." Regina called after her. When she went to the hall, she watched Emma grimace as she was patted down and sent on her way. How degrading must that be? A victim of childhood sexual aggression and now she had to be pat down any time a guard wished to do so. She shook her head and went to catch up to the blonde. "Emma, wait up."
Emma stopped and wiped at her eyes. "That's why I never went before, Regina! That moment reality hits and you remember where you are, why you're here, and how long you're going to be here. I love Lily; she's my sister, but I don't know if I can do this twice a week for the rest of my life."
"Then be honest with her. I'm sure she'd understand and maybe you do once a month and put her on your call list. Emma, don't give up now, don't barricade yourself again. Today was huge and I'm so proud of you."
"It's a lot to process." Emma admitted, running her fingers through her hair. "Ella is dead, Lily thinks she found my mom…it's so easy to forget there's a whole world out there and I'm not that thirteen-year-old girl anymore."
"It is a lot to process, but you don't have to do it alone. Come to my office, Emma. Even if it's just to take some time to think."
Emma nodded and headed in that direction, not noticing that Regina waived off the guard. Regina knew Emma would be no problem and she figured Martina knew that as well. Once in her office, Regina got a coke out of her mini fridge and handed it to Emma. "Is this my reward for being good?" Emma jokingly asked.
"It's your reward for everything, Emma." Regina said with a sigh as she sat at her desk. "Do you know how badly I want to just take you home with me?"
Emma raised a brow. "Um…what?"
Regina looked up. "No, not like that. I mean…I mean you shouldn't be here. You never should have been here, and I hate that you are here, dealing with this shit every day."
Emma sighed and sat down after cracking open the can. "Regina don't do that. It's sweet of you, but please, don't take my life home with you after work. You're out there in the free world; enjoy it."
Regina gave a small smile. "Emma? We've talked about a lot since you started opening up but one thing I still don't understand is…how is it you were never adopted?"
Emma looked down, letting out a breath. "I was as a baby, but then they had their own and I was sent back. Then, I was known as the 'returned kid' and no one wanted to adopt me. I tried. I tried so hard to be good and be whatever kind of kid they wanted, but I was never enough."
Regina shook her head, hating how this world could treat people.
"Once you're in foster care, it's really hard to get out of it. People say they want to adopt kids, but really, they want babies so they can mold them into 'their child'. They want to keep the kids as foster kids, so they get paid." Emma drank more and continued. "Don't get me wrong, when the system works, it's great, but not everyone is as great as their paperwork says they are."
"It's not right. I honestly had no idea about the system until I talked to you. The number of kids who age out and then end up in trouble is astounding. Disgusting."
"They don't care because no one has ever cared. It's hard to care about your life, your future when no one else does." Emma shrugged. "That's why I'm glad I went to juvie first because the people there were at least good at acting like they cared. That's how I got my GED and some skills."
The two talked a bit more and it was decided Emma would go to medical and get the swab done. "Do you want me to come with you?"
Emma shook her head. "I'm good. Thanks for today though. I'll be fine on my own on Thursday."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then for your appointment." Regina said, looking at her ringing phone. "I'm really sorry but I have to take this confidential call."
"It's okay. See you tomorrow." Emma said, heading out of the office.
Regina smiled as she answered the phone. "Good afternoon, David."
"Regina, I'm glad I got you." David stated. "Did you talk to Lily?"
"I did and she's willing to talk to you." Regina gave him her number before continuing. "Ella won't be able to though."
"I know. I found out what happened. I also got the group home to give me her note. She confesses everything in it. I have no idea how or if that would stand in court, but it's something for now."
"You've done your homework." Regina said, a bit surprised.
"I haven't met Emma, but I want that woman out of jail."
"So do I but…David, she went from foster care to juvie to prison. How is she going to deal with being out there?"
"That sounds like something you could help her with. Don't you have that guest house you could rent out?"
"Yes but, I'm not sure I can do that being I'm her…"
"You're the prison therapist, Regina. Once someone isn't a prisoner anymore, unless they contract you, they're no longer your patient."
Regina sat back and thought about that. "You're right. If all this goes well, she can stay in the guesthouse. I know Zel won't mind. What timeline are we looking at?"
"I have a meeting with the DA tomorrow morning, and I'll let you know after that. I will say, the DA likes cases like this and honestly, if she says we have enough, we're looking at weeks."
"Okay. If it's before 1, that's fine, but if it's not, wait until 3 because I have Emma and sometimes the appointments run long."
"Sounds perfect." David said. "Oh, and Regina?"
"Yes?"
"Mary says to wait until she's out of jail to hit on her. Have a good day." He said and hung up, leaving Regina a little speechless as she hung up.
"The nerve." She grumbled, though, she did sit back thinking about how it felt to simply hold Emma's hand. This was the second time someone suggested she had a crush for the woman and maybe…no, she couldn't think like that while Emma was her patient. But…after…?