Chapter Two

Esme

Life at home just wasn't the same any longer and Carlisle and I saw the reasons for this very differently which caused terrible arguments. While Jasper and I felt guilty about leaving Bella behind Carlisle, Rosalie and Edward seemed content to leave things to fate while Emmett keen to keep the peace sat on the fence.

Even after Alice had seen several different scenarios in which Victoria pursued Bella in revenge for the death of her mate, each one ending in Bella's death Carlisle had stubbornly insisted that it was none of our business.

"But Carlisle. She wouldn't be in this situation if not for us."

"Esme, we cannot be held responsible for the life of every human we come into contact with. Bella got herself into this mess by slipping out of the hotel in Phoenix to meet James. If she'd stayed where she was and told Jasper, he could have hunted James down and killed him without her ending up in the E.R. Then he and his 'friends' could have found Victoria and sorted that mess out too. Instead, he chose to stand by while she was almost murdered.

Bella is stubborn and if you tried to warn her that she was in danger she would probably tell you to go to hell or call on her Quileute friends to help her out. Do you think that Edward is going to accept responsibility for her safety now he's moved on? No! And neither should we."

He blamed Jasper for all of it. Well, Jasper and possibly Alice. It was Alice who had suggested the baseball game and who had failed to see the arrival of the nomads.

As for poor Jasper, he had offered to take Bella to Phoenix to keep her safe and blamed himself when she eluded his watch and was almost killed.

He continued to take responsibility for the danger Bella was in. Even after Edward had abandoned her in Forks and insisted that we leave immediately without even a word of goodbye. I know most of us felt bad about that.

To compensate for his guilt Jasper had continued to watch over Bella even though it infuriated both Carlisle and Edward. It was he who discovered that Victoria was hell-bent on revenge. He and his friends had tracked down Victoria only to discover that once she realized she was in danger she had begged Laurent and a friend to find and kill Bella if anything happened to her.

I hadn't realized at the time just how much Bella had affected my family but I soon discovered the truth. When Jasper asked Alice to help him keep watching for Bella's future he didn't seem to understand that she was jealous. Had she seen something none of us did? Or was she just not willing to share his attention with another woman? In the long run, it didn't really matter. Alice had seen something in her future and after a farewell meeting with Jasper, she had left.

Jasper was shocked, but I think maybe he had known things weren't right between them. Anyhow, he continued to watch over Bella even after Charlie's death when she moved to college in Phoenix.

Then came the next blow. Emmett told Rose that he thought Jasper was right and wanted to help. she was dead set against becoming involved and the two had some terrible arguments before he finally backed down. It had however unsettled them and a few weeks later they left for one of their long adventures. I missed them but they kept in touch and I prayed they would come home soon.

The house was so empty with Edward living in France with his new wife leaving Carlisle and me to rattle around the huge space.

Then Edward and his wife decided to visit and while he and Carlisle spent a lot of time closeted together I was left with Sasha for company.

Now, I'm not a judgemental person and I like to think I'm easy to get along with but there was something about Sasha that I just couldn't take to.

I had done my best to welcome her into the family but she made it so difficult. Sasha was self-absorbed and easily bored and even I could only take so many shopping expeditions. Sasha loved clothes and jewelry very much like Alice, but unlike Alice she was untrustworthy. She would steal from the boutiques we visited rather than pay for the things she wanted and laughed scornfully when I approached her about it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only difference between us.

Since meeting Edward she had tried to live like us, as a vegetarian, but was finding it difficult. Mainly because she couldn't understand why we bothered so much about 'the herd' as she insisted on calling the humans around her.

"Esme you are so quaint and old fashioned. Do you see the herd bothering about the animals they kill to eat? Why should I concern myself with their feelings? Or their pathetic lives? Even Edward is beginning to see more clearly now. Carlisle really did a number on him and I'll be honest with you, I was against coming to stay here. I think you are a bad influence on him. He's a vampire and vampires live on blood, human blood. It's as simple as that. Anything else is just weird!"

I told Carlisle about these problems and my suspicion that Edward might be hunting humans again and waited impatiently for him to confront Edward but he chose to ignore me. As always his precious first son could do no wrong even when his actions went against everything Carlisle believed in.

Then, out of the blue Jasper contacted me to ask if I could spare a few weeks to help him. It appeared that his friends Peter and Charlotte who had been working with him had prior commitments and he was having difficulties hunting without leaving Bella unguarded.

I wanted to feel useful again although I admit that the thought of getting some distance from Sasha also held great appeal. The trouble was that I doubted Carlisle would be happy with what I was about to propose.

When I told him that I was thinking about going away for a few weeks he became instantly critical.

"What about Edward and Sasha? You can't just walk out on our guests."

Pointing out that they were family, not guests, he didn't have much more to say on that score.

But when I continued by telling him where I was going and why he hit the roof. I was told in no uncertain terms that it was none of my business and I should be taking care of my family, not turning my back on it.

"You already know how I feel about the Bella business, Esme. We need to forget about her and thank God that Edward finally found happiness. He's family. Jasper and Bella are not. I forbid you to go, I need you here."

I stared at him incredulously, sure that I had heard him wrongly, "I'm sorry?"

His jaw set as he continued bitterly, "You heard me, Esme. Your place is here with me. Forget about Bella and try harder to make Sasha welcome. If she and Edward leave it will be all your fault. Why can't you be happy for him? He is your son, or have you forgotten that? He's very upset at the way you think of his wife. He feels that you are comparing Sasha to Bella which is both childish and extremely unfair and hurtful."

I could feel my ire building, "Well, maybe he should stay out of my head then, Carlisle."

"That's unfair, he can't help it if he hears that you view his wife with contempt."

"Contempt? Is that what he told you? Perhaps you should ask him how she views us. Has he told you that she thinks we are a bad influence on her husband? That she doesn't give a damn about our way of life?"

"You're being ridiculous. She just needs time to adjust to our way of thinking. It was hard for all of you in the beginning. As for me being a bad influence… Well, you've got that the wrong way round. If anything, she feels you are the one causing problems between her and Edward."

I laughed, "How naive can you be? She'll never think the way we do. "

He stared at me aghast and I shook my head in frustration.

"Actually, you know, I'm not sure I know what you do think any longer, Carlisle. Where did your compassion go?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Haven't you? Then let me explain. Since Edward abandoned Bella you've changed. You don't give a damn about her or Jasper or Alice or even me. All you ever talk about is Edward. How upset he was, how badly the break-up affected him, how glad you are that he's happy now. No one else seems to matter. You haven't asked about Rose or Emmett since they left, or Alice for that matter. You don't even talk to me anymore."

"Well, what do you expect when all you do is brush aside my concerns about our son? All I ever hear from you is how you miss the others. How bored you are with Sasha. How she's not Alice. I don't know why you don't go visit Rose and Emmett. Maybe you'll come back home in a better frame of mind."

"Yes, you're right, a few weeks away sounds like a great idea. And I'm sure Sasha will be much happier without me around."

He shrugged, "Just as you wish. Do you know where they are? Although I'd have thought they would be happy for some time to themselves."

"I do actually, but I'm not going to visit them."

"Then where? Denali?"

"Phoenix."

The word hung in the air as he stared at me in disbelief. Then, amazed that I would ignore his admonishment he jumped up thumping the desk in anger.

I think he expected that to unnerve me but I just stared at him coolly.

"No, Esme. You are to stay away from there."

"You are not my keeper, Carlisle. I happen to believe Jasper is doing the right thing and don't you dare try to tell me what to do."

He stared at me in shock as I walked to the study door and opened it. Then I turned back,

"There is just one thing. Be careful, Carlisle. Don't push away everyone else who cares about you for Edward's sake. You might just find yourself all alone if you do."

Once upstairs in the bedroom packing, I found myself shaking but I felt good. For too long I had done what Carlisle wanted, or what Edward wanted. This time I was doing what I wanted. What I felt was right and to hell with them.

I was putting my case in the trunk of the car when Carlisle appeared in the garage.

"So, you're going then? Don't forget to let me know where you're staying. Or will you be sharing with Jasper? You seem very solicitous of him these days."

I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing.

"Oh grow up, Carlisle. You're jealous of Jasper? Really?"

He stalked forward and grabbed the keys from my hand, "Don't you speak to me like that. I'm your husband. I'm entitled to worry about you and who you associate with. After all, your past record isn't that good, is it?"

I stared at him in total shock. I never expected him to throw my past into my face.

"How dare you! Go to hell, Carlisle."

Snatching my keys back I saw him flinch and knew he had spoken without thinking and was now regretting his vicious words. I was so angry that I didn't even look back as I drove away.

Carlisle

I realized as soon as I had spoken that I had made a fool of myself. Esme deserved better from me. Of course, we had argued before but never this bitterly and it had all been my fault. Why on earth had I mentioned her past? That was unforgivable.

Embarrassed and chagrined I made my way back into the house only to find Sasha waiting for me.

From the look on her face, she had heard our exchange and was curious but also amused.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I was walking in the garden and couldn't help overhearing some of what was said. I'm sure Esme will be back, she loves you."

"Thank you, Sasha, but if you don't mind I think I'd like to be alone for a while."

"Of course, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that I think I've been partly responsible for this. I didn't give Esme much of a chance. I think I envied the fact that Edward had a mother figure and a family. I can be quite forthright, even tactless at times."

I retreated to my study thinking that Esme had underestimated Sasha. She might think differently to us but she did have feelings and the fact she was willing to take some of the blame on her own shoulders showed she was thinking of her new family.

Later Edward came knocking and told me that Sasha had spoken to him.

"I think Esme is being unreasonable but Sasha is aware that she's been a little too pushy. She can be rather blunt."

He smiled and sank into the chair opposite.

"So, Esme's gone to join Jasper's happy little band on his quest to protect Bella."

"Did Sasha tell you that?"

"No, you did. When you're upset I can read your mind easily. I knew she'd been thinking about it. It would appear that we are the only ones who can put Bella in the past. It's strange, she was my girlfriend for a few short months yet no one can stop thinking about her or taking responsibility for keeping her safe from the boogeyman. No wonder Rose and Emmett left, they must have been heartily sick of it all. A simple human with nothing remarkable about her and Esme fell over herself to welcome Bella in. Then when I bring my wife home, the love of my life, she remains aloof. Personally, I think Sasha is three times the person Bella Swan will ever be."

Slightly irritated by his attitude I cautioned him, "I think it would be best not to discuss Bella in front of Sasha. Women can become irrationally jealous."

He threw back his head and laughed, "Sasha is too self-confident to feel threatened by a human child. Besides, I never talk about Bella, only here where no one can hear our conversation. I hadn't thought about her in ages. Not until I heard Esme's thoughts."

My thoughts the next day were occupied by the terrible things that I had said to Esme. It wasn't like me at all. I had virtually thrown her tragic past in her face and upset her terribly. What had made me act so out of character? Surely it couldn't be pure frustration that she didn't welcome Sasha as warmly as she usually welcomed people into the family? I began to suspect that if anyone was to blame for the odd atmosphere in the house it was the girl herself.

Some people were like that. Their very presence caused discord and a bad atmosphere

If that was the case then I wasn't sure I wanted Sasha here, although I wasn't sure how I could explain such a decision to Edward. Then it hit me, I was still putting Edward's feelings first and that was wrong. It had cost Esme her beloved family when I refused to help Bella. Was I willing to risk losing her altogether just to keep Edward happy?

No. I had finally learned my lesson. I missed Esme so much and grieved that I had hurt her so deeply. She was my world and never again would she come second in my thoughts. Not for anyone. Not even Edward.

I left it a few days before calling her because I didn't know quite how to apologize or if she would even hear me out. She had been so devastated by my words. Her phone was switched off but that might be a blessing in disguise. At least if I left a message she would listen to it. If she heard my voice and was still angry she might well cut the connection.

"Esme, I wanted to apologize for my words. I hope you can forgive me. I spoke in haste and without thinking. You know how much I love you. I just felt I was losing control of my family and I panicked. Please call me when you get this and if you or Jasper need any help I'll do all I can. Again, I am so sorry Esme. I love you and I miss you so much."

I just hoped that she would forgive me, I couldn't imagine my life without her now. All I could do was wait for her to return my call and hope it wouldn't be too long.